Thursday, February 28, 2008

Jumper



Let me first start by saying that this movie is not one that I would generally tell people about. Its too risky. Its a sci-fi/action flick that appeals to a relatively small group of people. Plus the opinions will be polarized. Either love it or hate it.

My movie recommendations have been flawless since college (in college I couldn't believe that everybody didn't think Woody Allen was funny). I've learned from my mistakes and have steered clear of recommending sci-fi's and comedies in general.

Jumper stars Darth Vader (Hayden Christenson),Summer "Sweet Bottom" Roberts (Rachel Bilson) and Mace Windu (Samuel Jackson). Eveybody who has seen a preview knows this much but you may not realize that its directed by Doug Liman (Swingers, Go, Bourne Identity). In college I think Bogart once told WWW this elaborate lie about how there was going to be a Swingers Sequel. WWWW bit on it hook, line and sinker. Bogart was/is a jackass.

This may be hard to imagine but Darth (Hayden) and Mace Windu(Samuel) turn out to be enemies once again. Darth is a Jumper which means he can appear any place that he can imagine. Mace Windu is whats called a Palladin. Jumpers and Palladins are sworn enemies. Like me and Dane Cook/Family Guy. Which is fine but the Jumpers don't know why Palladins are always up in their business like Glen Close from Fatal Attraction. Mace (Sam) is always saying some religious bull spit right before he attempts to kill a Jumper. This easiest way to explain this is Jumpers are like free spirited Americans and Palladins are like Muslims on a Jihad trying to suck the fun out of everything. There is simply no good explanation for this conflict.

I am a big fan of the action, the original concept, "Sweet bottom" Summer Roberts, Darth and the promise of more Jumpers to come. This was just the beginning of what one can only hope will be at least a trilogy.

The slams on this movie is that there wasn't enough background provided, Hayden can't act (we know we've all seen Star Wars) Rachel can't act (we know we've all seen The OC, right guys?) and Samuel Jackson is quoting scripture again and weilding what appears to be a light saber. This movie seems very familiar because of the people in their type casted roles but the concept is unique. I'm going out on the limb to say that I fall in the camp that loves this movie. The theater was packed with 13 year olds that were cheering which was a little obnoxious (I mean awesome) but I loved the movie anyways.

In conclusion if you are able to get past the lack of any background, some horrible acting you will be entertained. Just to be safe mabye catch the matinee to save a couple bucks.

Final thought, I had to drag Momma Dawger to this movie kicking and screaming. She complained all the way through the movie. Then told me the movie was just alright. I later find out from her friend at work that she loved it. Its a fun entertaining movie that you don't want to admit to anybody because of how gay it looks.

11 comments:

bogart said...

Wow. I would rather have had W post a picture of a bunch of dudes from Purdue. Those are some pretty homely looking girls and they don't even have the decency to get slutted up for the game like those troopers from Ohio State. The good news is that the Gophers in fact play Ohio State this weekend so I'm actually looking forward to DWG's "preview."

W, consider yourself warned. If you post pictures of homely co-eds in conservative attire one more time, you will have lost a loyal subscriber to DWG. Good looking college chicks or ugly ones all slutted up are fine. But you can't give us the worst of both worlds. You might as well have just posted a picture of a naked Helen Hunt.

bogart said...

p.s. - Dawger your movie preview, not surprisingly, sucked.

Theory said...

I thought that was a good review. I'm intrigued to see the movie now. Of course, it might just be because my pants get tight whenever I hear the word "sci-fi", but whatever.
Hayden sucks at acting, but Rachel Bilson is fricken hot. And Sam Jackson is just cool. Also, I've heard from a couple other people that this movie is surprisingly pretty cool.
I can't wait to see it.

In conclusion: I wish I could "jump". That'd be WAY better than having to drive home drunk from a bar.

Darth Vader said...

Dawger, You can try and add little humor to your ramblings. Dane Cook is way more funny than anything you just typed. You suck!

P.S. Your movie choices in College sucked also. The only review you hit on the head in college was the review of WWWWW's edited porn, it did suck. WWWWWW porn with out talking scenes is just sick. Pervert!

Dawg said...

Dane Cook - How did you know about WWWWW's edited soft porn collection?

Thanks for your man love Theory. I will try and work in some more sci-fi erotica reviews for you.

PS Next movie reveiw Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins.

snacks said...

Wait....I'm confused, so are two of the characters actually Darth Vader and Mace Windu, or are you just calling them that because the actor once played that role?

This review was really confusing.

Dawg said...

Snacks - Yes, Jumper which is completed unrelated to the Star Wars franchise had 2 characters named Darth and Mace.

Stop sniffing white out at your office.

Love,

Luke Skywalker

Live From The Apollo Theater said...

Do you also like star trek...neeeeeeerd!

The only reason people where cheering at the movie is you saw it in the ghetto of Robbinsdale. For some reason "those" people feel a need to applaud and cheer in movies.

Also, tell us more about Moma Dawgers friend. I get the feeling she is really fun, voluptuous and smoking hot.

I saw jumper...it kinda sucked said...

Snake- I believe Buxom would be the word.

Bored said...

These are really the previews I wave to read every week. Spare us all please. You do know the Oscars where on last week correct? Maybe or movie guy could have reviewed that? Just a thought, Snore!

WWWWWW said...

I've read this three times and I still don't know what you're trying to say.