Thursday, November 8, 2007

Who Cares?


Well the so called big week is upon us. David f’ing Beckham is coming to the Twin Cities!!! My first and only question is, "who gives two shits?" Only in America would people actually get excited and pay top dollar to come watch this twat play. There is one reason that "Becks" (nice pillow biting nickname) is playing in the United States, because the rest of the world, which actually cares about the sport, knows he is not the world class player Americans are led to believe he is. Great, he can hit a free kick as good as anyone in the world. That might come into play a couple times per game, the other 89 minutes of the game he is just another slightly above average player with lots of tattoos, a six pack of abs and a really bad hair cut. That would be like a Division 1 basketball program signing Small so he could shoot free throws, but minus the abs.

Beckham is also playing in America because we and our players suck at soccer. Beckham can come over here and actually dominate a game so people think he is good. This is evident by the fact that his team is touring the country playing teams like the Minnesota Thunder. For those of you who don’t know and most likely don’t care, the Thunder is MN’s so called professional team. They are also the same "professionals" that just went down to the Shattuck School and got beat by a bunch of 16-18 year olds as a tune up for this weekend. To put that into perspective, it would be like Winona State scheduling the gophers for all 28 games of their basketball schedule.

There are 3 types of people who will actually pay to watch this game over the weekend. 1) The guy who sits around and think it makes him sophisticated because he calls himself a soccer fan. You know the guy. He walks around in one of his 20 replica jerseys, uses British slang when he talks, drink Guiness or Bass, hangs out at Brits Pub and was most likely they guy who called soccer players fags in high school. 2) Teenage girls. 3) Typical dumb ass American’s who have been told by their TV sets that this guy is important. Either way the only people who will leave the game feeling like they got what they paid for are the teenage girls, because without a doubt Beckham will spend more time walking around with his jersey off then he will on. The first group of fans are idiots who inside will feel let down, but will still act excited because they want to keep up their charade as a "soccer fan". The 3rd group of people will be bored out of their minds and wonder to themselves why they just wasted all of that money and time to watch something they still don’t understand and hate.

Unless you are a 14 year old girl or a gay guy with a thing for British guys who have failed miserably trying to pull off the look of Brad Pitts character in Snatch you are a Laser for attending this game.

Also, what in the hell is with Beckhams meth addict looking wife??? It looks like Kurt Warner’s wife cut her hair.

P.S. W, Sorry about writing about non Holy Angels soccer on your blog. This has just been pissing me off!

[Snake: It looks like Pele and Yahoo are stealing your bits. - W]

17 comments:

WWWWWW said...

I'm going to go ahead and suggest paragraph breaks.

And by suggest, I mean do it or you're fired.

Buzz Lagos said...

I am extremely disappointed about your comments on the Minnesota Thunder. Snake, I thought you were one of our biggest fans - at least that is what you lead me to beleive in all those emails you sent to me back when you were at UMD. Without the Thunder, I would have been forced to support all of my sons, not just my loser son Kevin.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget Ryan Swim - he would also pay to watch that game.

Snake said...

I am going to suggest you quit stepping all over my creative license!

P.S. Buzz, I hate you for your treatment of Kevin. He deserved better then pulling table cloth's out of dumpsters!

Landy Cakes said...

How predictable! The ripping D. Beckham angle, how refreshing and new. Have you ever watched him play, other than his 15 World Cup games over the last 8 years? I doubt it. This was more insufferable than "The Todd" writing about hockey.

Congrats W, you gave Snake free run on your blog, prepare to face the consequences. We are now going to be forced to sift through his tired daily comedy routines while searching for your items. Trust me, it's only a matter of time before he starts asking for creative changes to the website. I'm sure he has already asked you to change the name of the blog.
Get ready for countless paragraph free rants. Sorry Alnonymous, I just can't help myself.

WWWWWW said...

That all may be true, but he used the word "twat", so I think I'll keep him on.

Anonymous said...

Landy cakes is just hot because Snake's description of the phony-high-brow U.S. soccer fan is a dead-on description of Landy cakes himself.

Snake said...

First some shop talk. W , I got the paragraph situation sorted out. Their is an issue with cutting/paste. I promiss it won't happen again boss!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to stop reading the blog until the pic of Beckham pulling one out get's further down the list. Seriouly, it's like some pose that a hot chick should be in.

Snake said...

Landy Cakes, What this website really needs more of is you trying to suck the fun out every single blog and post. Talk about enjoyable reading!

First of all I apologize, obviously you got suckered into buying tickets to watch this twat play (thats #2 W) and I offended you. Secondly, You are right, I have no clue what makes up a world class soccer player. I am hoping you will take the time to explain it to me and the rest of us because you surely understand it much more then I. Looks like you also need to follow up with Pele because he doesn't seem to get it either.

P.S. You also forgot to double space between paragraph 2 and 3!

Landy Cakes said...

Snake - You coach boys soccer, obviously that makes you an expert on every level of soccer. Do you realize with your intelligent reasoning, Jeff Schlieff has much more about knowledge about the NFL than any of us.

Maybe I should have saved my money so I could buy tickets to watch a bunch of 18-22 year olds play grab ass on a hockey rink every Fri/Sat night.

I just wanted to tell everyone I'm sorry. I forgot the rules to W's blog again. Rule #2) One can't disagree or have fun with you or your little lemming friend. If they do, it is considered to be sucking the life out of this blog. Sorry again. I have to remember it's only funny to rip/make fun of W, The Todd, Theory (W, what happened to him?), Snacks, or W's old man, because he drinks white wine spritzers.

P.S. ... you surely understand it much more then I. Try ... more than me. Ass!

P.P.S. Pele didn't state anything other than the obvious.

Snake said...

Not an expert at all. Just more of an expert then a guy who sits in his barcalounger and watches games on TV. Do you realize with your intelligent reasoning, Paul Allen has much more knowledge about the NBA than any of us?

Pele stated the same thing I did. Beckham is just a guy who can cross balls and hit free kicks. He also stated that all Beckham cares about his being a star, not a soccer star.

P.S. You just broke rule #2!

Landy Cakes said...

Saying Beckham is only good at crossing balls, long balls, and free/corner kicks is not an insult. It's not like a soccer player has a million opportunities to have an affect on the game, he/she has a dozen at the most. Beckham is great at what he does, when he has his opportunities. Nobody said/thought he was going to score two goals a game. It's sort of like saying Barry Sanders was only good at breaking long runs. Other than that he was just an average pass blocker, receiver, and short yardage runner.

Everyone will get to see how "average" he is at Euro 2008. Oh that's right, England isn't going to qualify. Let's see, England qualified for every major tournament when he was on the team, and the first team he's not on ... you guessed it. (They didn't qualify for the 2 major tourneys before he was on the team as well.)

P.S. You would bang the hell out of Victoria.

P.P.S. Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation is Rule #1.

WWWWWW said...

You people are weird.

Landy Cakes said...

Sorry W, you reap what you sow.

The Todd said...

I too would bang the hell out of Victoria....shiggiddy bang bang bang!

Snake said...

Yes, I would bang her, but I would make her put on a wig.