Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Some Hockey Crap

Anyone clamoring for some hockey info, your dream just came true. Not from The Todd, because the The Todd is a jerk who won't write anything for me, but from my good buddy Snake who took a break from killing animals to put his thoughts down. He sounds bitter. Bitter and angry. Enjoy.

Well we just completed week #4 of the college hockey season and here are a couple of thoughts I have had while watching gopher hockey games this season.

#1) The only team in the country the gopher hockey team could score on right now is the gopher football team. That is not good......nor is either team. It almost seems like Nissan has some how turned up the defensive settings (ala Madden 2008) on all of gophers opponents to take the fun out of the games and make the games as interesting as watching a Utah State preseason hoops game. [Editor's Note: That game was awesome, you're just jealous] These games are almost becoming unwatchable with their lack of offense. Here is an idea for whoever is recruiting players over at the U, get some guys who can pass the puck, we have enough 6-2 forwards who can’t pass or create their own shot. Honestly, can Kyle Okposo be in a bigger slump??? He needs to go get laid by a fat chick and start stepping it up or he will not get drafted in the first round at all next year ;)

#2) What in the hell has happened to all of the gophers talent that was suppose to be in/coming to the program. It is like the Steve Bartman and Babe Ruth have both cursed this team in the last couple of years. 1st, Big time injuries keep biting us in the ass. This year we lose Stoa in the second game of the year for the entire season, two years ago we lose Nate Hagemo for his career with a shoulder/neck injury while he is playing at the world Jr. Championships. Could we please start losing players like Brent Solie or Tom Pohl. 2nd, We can’t keep any talent in the program for 4 years anymore. We either have kids leave early (Johnson, Goligoski, Kessel, Vanek, O’Brien, Irmen, etc....), kids go crazy during the season (Hirsch 2004 and 2006) or kids don’t even come to school (Mueller, Larson....etc....). Can the program please get a couple high end recruits that actually want to stay four years like Leopold, Pohl, Potulney so we can be really good again. I feel really old saying this, but bring back the old days!

#3) Jeff Frazee is another in a long list of shit bag average goalies that plays for the U. How is it possible that Lucia can recruit any player he wants, but then consistently gets average goalies. Teams like Michigan Tech, Alaska Anchorage and St. Cloud even get good goalies. Here is an idea for you Don, go to Canada where people play good hockey and get a real goalie. It is time to make Frazee a lifetime #2 and let Kangas have a shot at #1. We can then dust off Frazee in time for the world Jr. Tournament so he can go shine on a world stage only to return to the U and get beat by 180 foot shots on goal. I am also sick of hearing how Frazee is great in big games. Here is another idea, get a goalie who is good in all games. Note to Jeff- You are shit goalie who has a drinking problem, struggles in remedial college courses and has a weight fluctuation problem worst then Oprah. Please graduate already!

#4) Super Gopher Hockey fan pisses me off. I am sure you have seen this D-bag even if you have only watched two minutes of gopher hockey. He is the 30 something loser with a goatee that wears an authentic jersey to every game, wears a U of M flag around his neck like a cape, gave himself a nickname and then stitched said nickname on the back of his jersey. What is even more pathetic is his self given nickname is flag guy (wtf)???? Who the hell does he think is....a super hero? To top it off this idiot sits in the student section at all of the games and leads the cheers? Note to self- If I ever see this idiot walking on the streets after a game I am going to choke him with his flag and then beat him with in an inch of his life like he is wearing a white J-Lo vest. Great now I am pissed off at work.

#5) Seriously, put Okposo, Black Wheeler and Barriball on the same f-ing line already. Why can teams like Wisconsin and NoDak play with one stacked line, but the Gophers have to keep balance on their lines. "Lucia, get your head out of your coaching 101 book and think outside the box." Your team can’t score, so put your three best players together and let them go. They played together for one shift and put 5 shots on goal the first game of the season and that is the last time they have touched the ice together on a non-power play. Even if they don’t score they will be more entertaining then the shower of shit we are watching now. Stacking lines works on NHL 2008, so it has to work in college hockey! Also, do them and the season ticket holders a favor and keep Kaufman and Peltier off the ice together. These two couldn’t run a power play in the MIAC. 4 goals in 4 WCHA games, please change something.

#6) North Dakota is the most overrated team in the history of college hockey. That is correct the history of college hockey. All we heard this fall was how the Sioux where going to roll through the college hockey season. We are now 4 weeks into the season and the greatest team since the 1976 Russians are sitting with a 4-2-1 record. The record includes a loss to Michigan Tech, a 4-1 pounding at home by Colorado College this weekend and tie to Boston College. The gophers are even better then Boston College ( I came to this conclusion by figuring that Michigan beat BC and the Gophers then beat Michigan....I know very Scientific, but it helps make my point)!!! WWWWWWW, I know you and your clones hate the fans from Boston, but the North Dakota muppets are even worse then boston fans. If you had to spend a weekend with each of the five most delusional and idiotic fan bases then rank them, 9 out of 10 people would put the list in the following order. The one person who wouldn’t put them in this order is W because he enjoys being different (I don’t mean different as in gay, just different as in different)!

5. Boston Fans (only made my list to make WWWW happy)
4. Bears Fans at Alary’s
3. Nebraska Fans
2. Sconny Fans (this includes Badger and Packer Fans)
1. North Dakota Fans

Thanks Snake. I haven't watched a single minute of Gopher hockey this season, but based on the above, I'm going to assume things aren't going well. I also think Boston fans should be #1, but that's because I'm different - but not gay........maybe.


North Dakota Super Fan said...

I know it must be tough with your team sucking even more then usual this year. But #1 in north dakota only the students sit in the student section. Except for me 2 years ago cause I was dating the captain(prpich) so I sat right next to the penalty box so we could have some one on one time during the game. haha #2 there is nothing worse then the old men that lurk around alary's just to stare at the booty shorts and chicks dancing at the beer tubs.(trust me I know)
#3 and as far as I am concerned Wisconson might as well be it's own country as far as I am concerned because no one out of their own state even likes them.
But I would cheer for Sconny over your lame ass Gophers anyday of the week.
You know how many douche bag 30 something, fat guys walking around in Gopher jerseys that are 3 sizes to small for them and the hair line of a 70 year old. That is your fan base.
And to say that North Dakota is the most overrated hockey team in the HISTORY of college hockey is not only wrong it is just plain ignorant.

one of the many people with more points then the snake said...

I would like to hear about college hockey from someone who isnt ranked 74th out of 84 people in there fantasy league. The Knocked up Sioux fan has more points then you.

Anonymous said...


Super North Dakota Fan what does the above link say about your fan base?

Super Duper Sioux Fan said...

yeah, ouch one of our fans got on the score board at the final four. Did any mn fans make it.....oh yeah you werent even there. Nice try though it was almost funny!

Guy who would rather not have to read comments from Sioux fans said...


You have to love Sioux fans.....NOT!

You Sioux fans can keep on posting and really solidify your rank as the most annoying, no talent ass clowns the sporting world has ever seen.


Gopher fan in Sioux Land said...

North Dakota Super Groupie- Way to make all Snake's points about your fan base for him. You and the rest of the Sioux Fans are so predictable it almost takes the fun out of laughing at you guys. Your #1 point was already made in snakes ramblings, thanks for following along. It also looks like we need to get you a flag/cape so you can identify yourself as an enormous loser like the guy snake described. Also, dating prpich???? Did all the players with talent already have puck bunnies? Also, wasn't there VD rumors about prpich floating around campus three years ago??? I am guessing those red bumps around your thigh are not razor rash, you might want to get that checked out. Your #3 point, just because sioux fans have long hair in the back doesn't make it a hair line. Also, can you name a more overrated team??? Save us from the obvious gopher call you are about to make. People are already laughing at you.

Anonymous said...

Why was a Sioux fan at the final four with face paint on??? Shouldn't he have been at the fozen four? Save the sports chatter for people who wear jeans.

The above poster hit it on the head when he/she stated "people are already laughing at you."

sioux super fan said...

Fozen Four huh? Maybe save the sports chatter for people who can spell.

Bogart said...

W, I am glad you listened to my suggestion of providing updates on Gopeher hockey. Look at the buzz it has generated within only minutes of being posted. Even for people who don't watch hockey (which is 99.99999% of everyone outside of MN and Grand Forks) enjoys the banter. I say atleast one Gopher hockey update per week to keep everyone's blood pressure up.

p.s. - Nice call on Memphis last night, laser.

Stu Bickel's Immense Crank said...

W, any update on that literacy test I proposed? What was that?

Is there any chance Crazy Man Hirsch can get a 7th year of eligibility...STAT.
Snake, you'll get your wish, Okposo will be here for four years when the Isles realize he is only a slightly more skilled D. Boogaard.

W, it was nice to have someone write about hockey that knows something about hockey. Just because The Todd played 3rd line at SLP and ran around sniffing D. Backes' jock doesn't mean that he has any ability to write about hockey. (By the way, I'm really drunk.)

UND Superfan, the only thing more embarrassing than your hatchet job on the English language is your admittance to being the Grand Forks bicycle. I would keep that under wraps.

W, I'll trade you Lynch, White, Holmes, and Calvin, for LT, Alexander, 85, and S. Smith ... oh wait ... no I won't. Ha!

WWWWWW said...

Snake has officially signed on to give regular hockey updates, not sure if they will be weekly or not. Hopefully the Todd will post again as well.

Anonymous said...

Stu Bickels crank - You are a one trick pony with your constant harping on peoples spelling, grammar and puncuation. Your bit has grown more tired then watching Ron Jeremy try to suck his own crank.

I'm sure that your GED instructor would be immensely proud of your command of the english language now but the rest of us could give 2 shits.

The Todd said...

Now this is some good banter!

I'm not posting shit anymore about Gopher hockey, go Snake!

I'm a poser and only went down on D. Backes twice. God he's good.

Who has my beer?

Anonymous said...

Todd- Take of your dress off and get back on the horse. If you can't take a little shit from a bunch of people sitting behind a CPU screen then you have bigger issues. There is a Schwin bike from UND that needs to get a savaging here. Plus, we need Sioux Fan to come back and he only seems to stick his head out when your around.

Super Sioux Fan, Chase any Jerseys last night?

Anonymous said...

Snake- Back when you were running flag for the Vikes like a complete jerk-off, didn't you happen to notice the biggest collective group of obnoxious drunks in the history of sports? How did you not notice the Ragnar wannabes sporting painted faces, yellow wigs, Mardi Gras beads (please explain this), and piles of empty Mikes Hard Lemonade bottles? They are hands down the most delusional idiotic fanbase in the country.

Take off your purple blinders and adjust your top 5. They are also the only championship less team which makes their fans that much more pathetic.

Snake said...

The top five stands. I don't Consider a team with no titles and fans that dress and look like retards worthy of my list. Especially when said fan base only turns out when their team is winning. If I need to start ranking fan bases like that then I would have to mention places like St. Cloud State, UMD and Cooper High School. I don't want to open that can of worms.

Stu Bickel's Immense Crank said...

Anonymous - "Your bit has grown more tired then watching Ron Jeremy try to suck his own crank." It's than, not then, Ass! Let me guess, sarcasm? I'm sorry, I guess I didn't know the rules to W's blog. You can rip anybody for anything, but you can't criticize someone's spelling, grammar, or punctuation. Oh I almost forgot, Travis Busch is untouchable too. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Stu Bickel - I was trying to tell your immense crank aka Captain Obvious, to inject a little imagination and creativity into his material. If he thinks its funny to correct peoples spelling and name drop SLP alumni from 1994 he is more delusional then the Super Soiux Fan.

Hey everybody look at how smart Stu's crank is? He is able to pick apart somebody's comment and report back with all the errors. Hey dipshit did you ever think that people just bust out these comments in their spare time and don't sit around like a laser running it through spell check first?

Travis Busch is definitely fair game. But how about you watch him play a game before you rip him rather then regurgitate Snacks's bit from the Gopher game review.

Stu please put a leash on your crank because its destroying your good name.