Hi. I'm drunk in arkansas and I have a lot of things to tell you people.
1. Arkansas sucks. Seriously. I was at a BW3's tonight, and they had a golf game, a bowling game, and a hunting game. But it wasn't golden tee (which is awesome by the way), silver strike, or buck hunter. They were all knockoffs. This place is stuck in time somehow. And then the NTN trivia froze for like 20 minutes and all the waitresses were like all scared because it was that damn fancy technology and they didn't know what to do. Gay.
2. Also, chicks in Arkansas have no idea how to wear makeup. They look like fucking raccoons and it scares me. Although I'm fairly certain the waitress at BW3 wanted me.
3. So when I walk into the place, they have one big 12 foot screen. And guess what's on it, the damn Twins. I can't get away from them no matter what I do. Why are they on in Arkansas? Is Texas the adopted team in Arkansas? Are we that close to Texas here? I really don't know, I'm an ignorant moron. And seriously, what a retarded team.
Any lineup with Rondell White (OPS+ of 37. Seriously), Nick Punto (OPS+ = 49), and Louis Rodriguez (OPS+ = 58) all in the lineup today, is truly to be feared. And what the fuck happend to Cuddyer? I thought he was going to take "the leap" this year. You know what the only stat of his that's higher this year than last year? Double plays. 11 last year, 17 this year. Nice job dipshit. And did you know Justin Morneau hit one homerun in August? One! Jason Bartlett had two. Nice team.
Would you sign here if you were Johan? Oh hell no. And you idiots basically had three options with Torii: Win and win now (failed), sign him before he hits free agency (failed), or trade him (failed). Just horrible. The reason Terry Ryan resigned was because he screwed this up so badly. God I hate this team.
4. Scrubs is a good show.
5. You know what else that bar had? An autographed Tom Pagnozzi jersey. For real. Tom Pagnozzi. Seriously, this guy. Career OPS+ of 80. 80! Tim Laudner was 83 if that helps. Is he really the best Arkansas baseball player ever? Even Minnesota can spit out Molitor and Winfield. And Wickman (hell of a pitcher.)
6. Hotels that sell beer are awesome. They may not have an actual bar, but the front desk chicks are chipper.
7. What the hell is the deal with Lomo? Is it this whole gay thing? He's fuckin' terrible. Sammy Morris is kicking his ass. I'd be embarrassed to have him on my keeper team. Not as embarrassed as having FatDale White or Reggie Bush, but pretty embarrassed nonetheless. And do you ever have that guy in your league who falls so in love with potential he can't ever field a decent team? You know this kind of guy. He always had Michael Vick because he was so convinced he would end up figuring out how to throw the ball and now has Vince Young. He has young running backs like Reggie Bush and Adrian Peterson and is convinced they're going to be awesome (I actually agree on AP, but Bush - come on. Get real.) He drafted every single first round draft pick who was a receiver in your draft this year. He's traded away people like Steve Smith in his ever loving pursuit of youngness. You know this guy. Give it up already buddy. It's getting sad.
D. I had more but I dont' remember.