Monday, April 14, 2008

Fear and Loathing in New Jersey

Sorry I've been away for so long, but I've been between jobs and essentially computerless. If I had been able to post, I was going to pick Trevor Immelman to win the masters. I still don't know who won, so maybe I was right, who knows? The important thing is I'm stuck in New Jersey with a twelve pack (well, eleven now) of Coors Light on ice in the sink. I had a couple with dinner as well (Ruby Tuesday - not good but it was close) so I'm ready to post deep into the night. It's 7:20 right now, I have 12 (11) beers, and I have to be up at 8:00. What will the night bring? Insightful posting? Drunken rambling? Neither? Both? Only time will tell.

- Let's start by taking a look at the future Gophers (maybe) since this is primarily a Gopher blog. Although perhaps it should be a Gopher/Twin blog. I don't know. I'm just typing man.

* Royce White and Rodney Williams played together on the Howard Pulley AAU team in the Boo Williams Invitational (wasn't that that one TE for the Saints that one year?) along with Hopkins's's Mike Broghammer (offers from Purdue and Iowa). They went 3-1 in the tournament before falling in the quarterfinals, scoring over 100 points twice. White was called one of the "standout players" in the tournament by Royce scored 10, 12, 10, and 20 in the four games, and had highs of 10 and 7 rebounds in two of the games. Williams chipped in with 8, 17, 10, and 16.

*'s Evan Daniels had this to say about White: "Royce White, PF, Howard Pulley – The skilled face up four man showed off his full game on Saturday. Against Team Texas Elite he hit a spot up three, made a bunch of moves to the basket and hit at least four jumpers from 15 to 18 feet. White is equipped with good balls skills and impressive footwork." No comments on White or Broghammer, but Howard Pulley faced DaShonte Riley, a big-time Gopher target, in the first game and held him to zero points. He'll fit right in with the Gopher big men of the past. He's practically a lock now.

* Ralph Sampson III played in the Capital Classic on the 13th of April. I know it already happened, but my source doesn't have a recap, just a preview so deal. There are a good deal of top recruits playing, and could give an insight into just how good Sampson could be. Among the big man signees involved are Olek Czyz (Duke), Henry Sims (GTown), Ty Walker (Wake), Roscoe Davis (WVU), Maurice Sutton (undecided), and Kris Joseph (Cuse).

* Verdell Jones visited Indiana's campus on Friday, although why anybody would want to go to that mess is beyond me. Kentucky, Georgetown, and Texas have all gotten involved with recruiting perhaps the best unsigned point guard available, and I have to say the Gophers' chances are dwindling at this point. Jones would be perfect for Minnesota, with Joseph and Hoff as shooters and Sampson, DJ, and Iverson on the block, his penetrating style would work well and hide his perimeter shooting deficiency (hit only 32 threes last season).

- Sheesh, enough of all that serious crap, I'm just happy the Red Sox/Indians are on TV. I was worried I wouldn't get to see the Sox this year since they're never on.

- We need more Dawg movie reviews around here. Srslsy.

- So I watched about 20 minutes of that one movie about gambling with that guy who I don't know who he is and Drew Barrymore. Partially to see just how accurate the poker scenes were, but mainly because it was 12:30 and I was in a hotel in New Jersey with no alcohol and no hope of alcohol - stone cold sober. I know, i was scared too. Anyway, the overall poker scenes weren't bad, but right at the end he's in the world series of poker and it's him, some dude from some other movie, and his dad played by the guy from the godfather. Anyway, he has his dad beat after the river, and his dad goes all in, and he calls, and then when he sees what his dad's hand was he mucks his cards even though he had him beat, basically taking of a dive. I turned it off right there. That guy who I don't know who he is is a pussy. If I ever took a dive against my old man, I'm pretty sure he'd knock me out.

- That was a lot to write about a shitty movie. And I spoiled it for you. Oh no. Rent Superbad instead.

- GopherLady and that other guy need to email me their addresses so they can claim their awesome prizes in the DWG Tourny bracket. Come on people. I've stuff here to get rid of. And it's awesome. Although I should probably just send the Baseball Prospectus book to Dawg. That dude has a lot to learn.

- Is there anything less exciting that people get retarded for than the NFL draft? And I'm even a football fan. Not like basketball or baseball, but I dig the game, and it's nice to have an excuse to get all liquored up on Sundays. But people lose their minds for this stuff. It's on like 9 hours on day one and 6 hours on day two, and people will sit in front of their TVs all day on both days and watch the whole thing. It's like the first two rounds of the NCAA tournament, except take out the drama, excitement, and fun. It's for retards. Although let me give you a sleeper QB: Jonathan Moxon, West Texas High. He got a scholarship to Brown, and I haven't seen his stats in college, but in high school he was a true double threat. He could sling the ball like QB Eagles and run like QB Eagles. Whoever takes him is hitting the absolute goldmine.

- Princeton is the UMD of the Ivy League.

- By the way, if you watch the 1997 One Shining Moment (search Youtube, ass) the Gophers you see are Goldy, Quincy Lewis after a Toby Bailey dunk, Eric Harris getting schooled by Ron Mercer, and a couple guys in the background after a Kentucky celebration. That's it. The whole tournament. For a final four team. It's like the One Shining Moment producers knew they were crooked and would get wiped off the books. There might be a Charles Thomas in there at the beginning too. I don't know, all black people look the same to me.

- Granted it's early, but let's look at my predictions:

1. Mauer will have less than 80 rbi. If he plays all 162 games, he'd be on pace for 68. Considering he's going to play more like 140, this may as well be a win already.

2. Delmon Young will show more power. Wow. I am a completely idiot. He's a slap hitter.

3. Morneau and Cuddyer slip. Cuddyer can't be judged, even as we look at such a small sample. Morneau has 3 dingers, but is hitting only .225 with an OPS of only .808. Undecided.

4. Twins Pitching will not be good. Clearly wrong so far, but may come back into line. I hope not, but young pitchers and old pitchers can both fade in a hurry.

5. Twins will suck. Undecided. 6-6 is ok, but it's still early. I did say they'd score less runs than last year, and they're on pace for 581, over a hundred worse than last season.

6. Torii Hunter will be average. OPS+ of 151. Fine. He's good now. I get it. Shut up, mom.

7. Johan will dominate the NL. Despite being 1-2, a WHIP of 0.97 is outstanding. an OAVG of .258 with a HR/9 of 1.75 is not. Undecided. Oh, and a K/9 of 8 is pretty stellar.

8. Yankees collapse. Last place in the NL east. 26th in runs scored, 22nd in OPS, 17th in earned runs allowed. Yeah. It's over.

9. The Indians will miss the playoffs. 4th in the AL central, 18th in runs, 26th in batting average, 23rd in OPS, 25th in ERA, 21st in WHIP. Oh, and remember how I said Sabathia/Carmona would get hurt/suck? Sabathia ERA 11.57/WHIP 2.35 and Carmona somehow has a 2.20 ERA with a 1.65 WHIP, so expect the ERA to balloon in a hurry.

10. Other predictions about players and teams, my favorite of which was the Blue Jays would make the playoffs, for which I was called an idiot. Yeah, they're leading the AL east.

11. I know it's really early, shut up I'm bored. And drunk.

- I just figured out you can sponsor a page on for only $5 a year for the vast majority of players. I want to sponsor somebody. Any ideas?

- Oh, and for those of you gays who hate walks, the current division leaders rank 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, and 16 in walks. But you're right, it's not important.

- I'm starting to get drunk. So Twins talk though. As Sidler mentioned below, I'm getting sick of Go Go Gomez and the constant bunting. Sure, it worked a time or two. Hell, on MLB 08 for PS2 I bunted with Gomez his first time up and he got a hit. Since then I've gotten out the last six times. Much like Gomez. I love the guy, I do, and he's showing plate discipline and an understanding of being a leadoff hitter I never expected, but you can't bunt every single game. You just can't. If Vincy Coleman couldn't pull it off, you can't. It should be a weapon, but not such a predictable weapon. Give it a rest for a game or two, then bring it back out. It's not rocket science. Jesus Gardy sucks.

- Do you realize Chris Paul averaged 21 points and 11.6 assists per game this year? That's insane. The internet is being a dick right now, so I can't find any useful info, but I'd bet that's one of the better seasons for a point guard in history. And it turns out Wake has a pretty awesome all time team with Paul, Randolph Childress, Josh Howard, Rodney Rogers, and Tim Duncan. Not to mention Rusty LaRue, the greatest three sport athlete of all-time. It would certainly kick the piss out of any Gopher team you could put together.

- According to my gametracker, it appears Guerrier and Neshek have combined to destroy the game and let the Tigers back into what was a Twins' killing. I only have two questions, 1) Is it over for Neshek and 2) why the hell was some chick wearing a Twins jersey with Guerrier on the back the last game I went to? Even worse, her boyfriend had a Twins jersey with the number 96 and his own name on the back. Seriously, if you have a team jersey and put your own name on the back you might as well kill yourself now.

- This is going to shock you, but Joe Borowski just blew a save for the Indians here. Amazing that guys like this keep getting closer jobs. Let's see, prior to tonight, this season he has an ERA of 4.19 with a WHIP of 2.19. Last year, 5.07 and 1.43. Previous season, 4.75 and 1.38. Those are three out of his four seasons being a closer. He had one good year in 2003 with the Cubs where we went 2.63 and 1.05, which he followed up with 8.02 and 1.97. No way in hell should this douche be a closer. It's like the Tigers and Todd Jones. In his past two years as a full-time closer (before this year) he's put up ERAs of 3.94 and 4.26 and WHIPs of 1.27 and 1.42. These are not closer numbers. He, like Borowski, had one good year, and he continues to get paid and treated like an elite closer. Hell, watch either of these two girls pitch and it's the least impressive thing ever. It's like me hitting off Timdogg's wife's supposed pitching. They are basically like that middle reliever guy (JC Romero) who has that one fluke year. Except they had that one fluke year as a closer and for some reason everyone decides they are a good closer. The good news is that as I was posting that Borowski gave up a homerun to Manny and now Papelbon is in for the save and he's on my fantasy team. Now Papalbon comes on and shuts down the Indians like a real closer, three batters, two strikeouts. Seriously, some guys are closers. Papelbon, Rivera, Nathan, Hoffman (hells bells). Guys like Jones and Borowski are not, and I don't get these retards who don't see it. And the tigers refuse to use Zumaya, who is a complete closer type, in that role. He's hurt this year, so it's kind of irrelevant here, but even when he wasn't they made him be a setup guy. And do you know why this keeps happening? It's because of you morons who refuse to look at stats they way you should. The guys who don't understand why walks are so important, even from three and four hitters. Who don't look at WHIP and think that "this guy seems tough." Who continue to think of "statheads" as guys who live in their mother's basements crunching numbers. Baseball is the most easily quantifiable of all sports. It's essentially one on one, pitcher versus batter. So please, stop being stupid and look at the numbers, just once. I'm pretty sure all managers other than Sparky Anderson and Earl Weaver are idiots. I could do that job. I'm applying.

- Holy christ is family guy stupid.

- oh, and the picture up there, I just thought it was funny.

- Good news, I managed to snag two Amstel Lights from the bar lady downstairs, even though they've been closed for over an hour. Probably because she wants me. I just hope I can think of something intersting to type now.

- In case you're curious, the most recent info I can find on former Georgia Tech forward James Forrest is that he played in Europe in 2002 and averaged 12.5 points per game. But he made this shot that one time:

So he's beter than you.

- A link from there goes to here, which is one of the most fun games I've ever watched. Funny story about this game, is that I was with my dad and my uncle all afternoon that day, and my dad hates beer but loves vodka, and he decided to try to keep up with me and my uncle as we drank beer and he drank vodka. Well, predictably, he couldn't handle it, so, even though the three of us watched the whole game together, he has no memory of this game at all. One of the best games i can ever remember watching. Unfortunately the douchebag who recoreded this won't let me embed it, so you'll have to click on the link. How amateur.

- By the way, there's no way I could have opened these Amstel Lights without the bottle opener on my key chain. So those of you who think only rednecks have bottle openers on their keychains can eat a dick. Mine is a basketball.

- Christ, on Letterman tonight is Trevor Immelman and David Wright. Yet somehow when I went it was Dr. Phil and Roger federer. My kharma is all messed up.

- I'm very proud to announce that if you put "suck my crank" into google we come up as the second site. We're also second if you put in "goldy is a fag". I've never been so proud.

- Well, this is coool:

- Here are your officially announced 2008 NBA drafttes:
Joe Alexander - meh. ok. probably a dcent palyer
Ryan anderson - awesome. will be a great late pick if he says in
Nicolus Batum - I have no idea who this is
Jerryd Bayless - 8 million times better than Eric Gordon
Michael Beasley- superstar. sick good
Chase Budinger - dude, really? Like Laettner, has no NBA skills.
Derrick Caracter - stay. seriously stay.
EArl Clark - seriously, why? Better than Caracter ,but no reason to go
Eric Gordon - go ahead and draft him, I dare you
Donte Green - guy is seriously flawed, but those flaws will work for the NBA
richard hendrix - No
JJ Hickson - one more year and he'd be a star
Lester Hudson - just keep ripping up the OVC, it's all you got
DeAndre Jordan - if you're tall and not retarded, you can get drafted now
Brook Lopez - I thought he was a queer, but is actually quite good
Robin Lopez - stay for a year and try to prove yourself without your brother around. worst decision out of anybody so far. Needs to take another year to prove himself.
OJ Mayo - Proved me wrong this year. Still think he's overrated. If the Wolves take him i quit more than I already did.
Javale McGee - I don't know who this is
Trent Plaisted - you have to be kidding
Anthony Randolph - I should know this guy, but I don't.
Marrese Speights - if this dude gets drafted I quit the NBA. Just a tall stupid idiot.
Ronald Steele - he's Eric Harris. Not a chance in hell.
Robert Vaden - shouldn't be drafted. Could be signed as a free agent as a shooter, or could end up ripping up the Australian league.
Shawn James - No idea. Probably not even real.

- Rico Tucker had a knee injury that ended up knocking him out of the WCC tournament and likely affected his play all season long. yet he still ended up finishing third in scoring and tops in both assists and steals for Pepperdine. The knee was clearly bothering him all year, as he only shot 42% from the field and 29% from three. Expect Rico to dominate next year after he's healthy.

- I'd drunk and tired. Oh, and if you read all this you probably need to get a life or a better job. I'm going to bed. go f yourself.


The Todd said...

Yes, I need a new life and a new job. If I could F myself, I would.

I would just like to point out that the one and only Klinger, has a team jersey with his name on the back....DOUCHE-BAG!

Also, I agree, Jonathan Moxon is a stud!

Svennie, if you're reading this, I apologize for drinking all of your Jameson last night.

klinger said...

Late correction...The sleeper pick Jon Moxon actually went to West Kaanan High in Texas, not West Texas High.


snacks said...

klinger, that still doesn't excuse you wearing it.

wwwwww, 1) robin lopez has been projected as a mid to late first round pick, if he goes back for another year, he may slip out of the first round and miss out on the guaranteed contract (because he will probably suck without his brother there), so I would say his decision is actually the opposite of the worst decision,

2) other than being tall and white chase budinger and laettner have basically nothing in common, he has jump out of the gym athleticism (an nba skill) and would rather shoot the 3 than take it to the hoop or post up (the big knock on him). If you are going to post on things like this with no research, at least have some of your facts straight.

Actually Ryan Anderson (who you know I am a big fan of), is more like Laettner, skilled big man that it is a great college player, but may not have the athleticism to excel at the nba level.

Personalized Jersey Guy said...

Klinger- When you get gifts like that you say "thank you" and then either return it or place it in the very bottom of your drawer. The only time it should ever be worn is when the crazy grandmother who gave it to you is over for thanksgiving dinner. By wearing that jersey around you basically open yourself up to getting repeatedly kicked in the balls. Save the "it's a gift" bullshit, you love the jersey so just admit it. Snacks was spot on when he said "that still doesn't excuse you wearing it." Klinger you are a douche Bag!

The Todd, please do not sit on information like that again. It is nice to know exactly how big of a tool some of the readers of this blog actually are.

Holy Hell said...

Dawg is a movie critic ehh? Well lets hear it woof, woof.
Why dont you preview that new Clooney movie(Micheal Clayton)that sounds right up your alley. It seems like most you queers on here have a man crush on him, Idiots.

Where have all the hot chick pics been lately. Disapointing, I havent had anything to jerk off to in weeks.

By the way I HATE hockey, I am glad it is over.

Holy Hell said...

by the way- I found this blog by googling suck my crank. How ironic

gary said...

Hey, how about a George Clooney pic?

to embarassed to put a name said...

Hey, what if the jersey itself is REALLY cool but the person who gave it to you put your name and a random number on it. But the jersey is SUPER cool and you really wanted it, then is it okay to wear?

WWWWWW said...

Michael Clayton is a boring movie.

Holy Hell said...

You know what is more boring then Michael Clayton and Dawg?

This blog

Kelvin Sampson said...

Do you think OSU would consider hiring me?

OSU if you happen to read this, I assure you that I have kicked my nast text messaging problem.