Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Creepiest Hotel Ever

So I get to this hotel, in teh middle of countryland Texas, and there is nobody here. At all. I can't even find a worker so I can check in. Finally I find somebody and get all checked in, and head down to the restaurant to eat. Nobody at the host desk. After about five minutes somebody seats me, and I'm the only one in the place. I order a steak, because my assumptions about Texas are if you order anything other than Steak or Ribs they beat the crap out of you. Well, it's a steak in only the most academic sense of the word. I'm pretty sure if you put this on a hamburger bun the patron would send it back as being not a very good hamburger. But whatever, I'm not paying for it.

So then I head into the bar, and there's one other guy there. Wouldn't you frickin' know it, but he's a guy who is attending the same seminar as I am and he immediately starts talking to me. Annoying, to be sure. At the end of our "conversation" he says, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow and maybe we can do dinner somewhere." Well, putting aside the fact that I'm very attractive and he's probably a gay, I have zero interest in hanging out with people I don't know - ever. When I'm travelling for work by myself, I want to be left alone so I can get loaded (note: mission accomplished).

I end up spending about 3 hours in the bar (insert alcoholic reference here) and one other person shows up. The whole three hours. There's nobody here, and it's weird and creepy and I'm probably going to die. Anyway, this is supposed to be about about sports so here's some stuff:

- Mississippi State is quite good. Jamont Gordon is basically rididculus. And I just watched some guy named Jarvis Varnardo get a triple double with like 10 points, 12 rebounds, and 10 blocks. He averages 5.2 blocks per game going into the night. He's like the Antoine Broxsie I always wanted but never got.

- I've been asked to give my most hated Gophers of all-time team, so here you go:

PG Kevin Burleson
SG Kevin Clark
SF Rick Rickert
PF Kris Humprhies
C Rick Rickert

Yes, I know Rickert is in there twice, but he's was a pretty big waste of space. I know there's plenty of other guys I'm forgetting (Bear, help me out here) but I've had a lot to drink. I still have four more cooling on ice in the sink, so it might be a long night.

- Townsend Orr should be there. But then I'd have to go all three guard offense.

- So here's something constructive (kind of), I stumbled across an interesting preview of the Gophers by Down with Goldy (killer website), so let's see where we stand:

1. The improvement of Tollackson and Coleman: Well, kind of I guess. Coleman seems to be slightly more assertive, which doesn't mean much, and Tollackson is a little more polished. Really, it's like both of them went from a 3 to a 5 in their respective categories. It is what it is, and all that. Coleman still tends to disappear at times, and Tollackson is not a very good offensive player. He looks a lot like The Todd though, so that's cool.

2. Who is playing Point Guard?
Well, this one has been answered fairly strongly. Nolen is really, truly the man. The fact that he's even at Minnesota is a testament to how badly he wanted to attend here, even with Monson as coach. There was a lot of talk about how he might not be Big Ten caliber, even from myself. That talk has clearly been put to rest. The program is in good hands for the next four years.

3. What's up with Kevin Payton? He sucks. Pretty much. I mean, he will do something every five games or so that looks good, but he's not a very good player.

4. How good can Lawrence Westbrook be? Um, still unsure? Sometimes he looks awesome as all hell. Sometimes you don't even realize he's on the team. Lots of potential.

5. Abu Shamala shouldn't be starting, right? Well, that's pretty clear. I know he's from Minnesota and we're all supposed to love him because he's white and everything, but he's not a very good player. He's an ok guy on the right team, because he can clearly shoot the ball, but the fact that Dawg's guy Blake stepped up big is huge for this team. Also, I'm starting to think Hoffbauer might be the man.

6. Lawrence McKenzie's motivation: This was a big concern for me coming into this season, and now it almost seems like he may have gone to far. I know he's been battling injuries, and I love the fact that he is more in control, but there have been times where he needs to take over and he hasn't. Hopefully some of the assertiveness that came out in the Penn State game will stay there.

7. Big Man Depth: This was a huge concern and may still be their undoing, but J-Will seems to be developing well, and the big leap forward from Damian Johnson make this just a sort of worry, not a critical problem.

8. Tubby's influence: This, I have to say, is probably the biggest change this year. Instead of a bunch of girls running around, you have guys like sissy-boy Coleman being tough. The defense has been absolutely stellar, and it's amazing to see what a difference he has made. Also, Dan Monson can go to hell. Nice team, ass.

9. Ongoing Recruiting battles: Well, Tubby has won almost every battle. The two guys I mention prior were Devoe Joseph and Verdell Jones. Well, Devoe is already committed, and I actually have no idea about Jones, because I don't care due to Nolen being the damn man. I did hear somewhere that he might take away Busch or Shamala's scholarship to give it to someone who doesn't suck, and I can't possibly be more in favor of anything ever.

10. Just how awesome is Rico Tucker? Clearly, he's awesome as all hell, if only he had better teammates. Now, he's only 21% from three on the year, but when your teammates suck and the defense refuses to let you have an open shot that'll happen. Also, four turnovers per game probably doesn't look very good to the untrained eye, but keep in mind there are probably three of those per game where he makes an awesome pass and some dumbass let's it go through his hands. In conclusion, Rico Tucker is awesome and if you don't see it you should probably stop watching basketball and start watching curling instead. They have brooms.

- Here's your money plays for tomorrow: Duke -5.5, Dayton -6, Purdue -1. I'm sure there will be more later, but I have some stupid seminar all day tomorrow, so I wanted to give all of yous you follow my picks with baited breath an early start.

- Since this is what I do when I'm drunk in random hotels, here are your notables playing in something called the ABA (future home of Hoffbauer): Jerry Dupree (Auburn? Lsu?), Soulemayne Wane (UCONN), holy crap nevermind. Worst league ever. They even have canadian teams whose website are in foreign and everything. And the websites that actually exist, I've never heard of any of these guys. Nice league. Will fold in less than two years. But Travarus Bennett once played for Vermont in that league. So that's something.

- Jesus christ, finding info on minor league basketball is like hacking into the pentagon, I swear.

- Luis Flores (Manhattan) is playing in Italy. He was awesome and so was Manhattan. You're never getting your Manhattan shirt back Bogart, NEVER.

- Gophers beat Indiana on Thursday. Book it.

- Here are the people playing in Germany: Dijon Thompson (UCLA), Terrance Thomas (Baylor?), Mark Dickel (UNLV), Jason Conley (Missouri) - also the leading scorer in DI that one year he was at VMI or Citadel or something like that, Kyle Visser (Wake), Jason Cain (Virginia), Nate Doornekamp (BC), Nate Funk (Creighton), Michael Umeh (UNLV), Shawan Robinson (Clemson) - Video game allstar, Toby Bailey (UCLA) - holy crap was that guy awesome, Jason Gardner (Arizona) - wow, really, Rickey Paulding (Missouri), Caleb Green (ORU - O, are you?), Ray Nixon (Wisconsin) - so they'll let anybody in.

- Wow, poor Toby Bailey. I'd tell you his stats if only they didn't want me to pay "just 34 cents a day) to have access to their database. Go to hell nazis.

- And also the Overlook Hotel where I am is setup so you can't see the TV from the desk where the internet is. That is some bullshit right there. How am I supposed to watch the Gophers beat Indiana and do internet at the same time. Wrong.

- 12:24, beer gone. Bye.


Anonymous said...

Here's an article on Colton's last game. 23 points on 10-of-12 shooting, 15 rebounds and six blocked shots


The Todd said...

Since I confuse easily, is this a typo, so you "can't" get loaded? Wait what?

"When I'm travelling for work by myself, I want to be left alone so I can't get loaded (note: mission accomplished)."

On a side note, yours truly had a date last night. Went well enough but she's not the one for me. Anyway, as I get in my Jeep to leave, I shut the door and somehow by doing this, the back door window shatters. Nothing like cruisin back to Blaine from Uptown with the back window out and twenty degree weather.

How drunk are we getting Saturday, shit my pants drunk or dance with fat girls drunk?

snacks said...

Since its my wedding Todd, I would prefer if you got "make out with any girl I see" drunk. That would be entertaining.

Beguiled said...

Would like to amend the above statement by adding that ladies with rings are out of bounds.

Kevin said...

Three of my most-hated Gophers ever:

Kerwin Fleming
Kyle Sanden
Ryan Wolf

I have a buddy who plays in a local rec league. There was a team in the league last year made up of ex-Gophers that basically killed everybody in the league. He said Kyle Sanden is now at least three bills, with a prominent gut, and that Mitch Ohnstad is an ass. But, he said Shane Schilling was nice. Must've been high, or something.

snacks said...

Schilling is probably still on probation and needs to make sure he doesn't get in anymore trouble.

The Todd said...

Rings don't cover holes.

Dawg said...

My top 5 most hated gophers of all time in order are:

1) Jan Gangelhoff
2) Russ Archambeault aka Swift Bird
3) Mo Hargrow (quiter)
4) Bob Martin (ginger)
5) Joel Pryzbilla (quiter)

Honorable mention:

1)Mike Bauer really belongs on the most disappointing Gopher list but most hated is pretty much the same thing. He made my list by following up the blazing hot start to his career with like 4 medical red shirt years and not even starting his senoir year.

2)Kris Dumpy Humpy - Worst year ever watching Gopher's basketball. Thanks Kris!

3) Rickert - I could never recognize Rickert as a true basketball talent considering Bogart thoroughly dominated him in college (Well Bogart was in college and Rick was in 5th grade but still).

4) Jerry Holman - Was hyped to be the greatest Juco transfer of all-time. The hype didn't last long as the Gophers were manhandled by a 500 lb Oliver Miller and his Harlem Globtrotters in Holman's first game as a Gopher. It was humiliating for everyone. I think me and Holman came to the conclusion simultaneosly that he was not a very good basketball player.

Bear said...

G: M. Ohnstad
G: K. Clark
F: R. Rickert
F: D. Rychart
F: K. Humphries
6th Man: T. Simmons

I know, Rychart did a lot with no talent, but he still hung out on the perimeter and put up too many 3's for my liking. I know Burleson is suppose to be on everybody's "Most Hated Gopher Team," but by his Sr. year I just felt bad for him, he was put into a situation that he clearly wasn't capable of handling .

johnny said...

Worst Gophers ever:

1) G - Khalid el-Amin (sell out)
2) G - Bobby Jackson (overrated and looked silly in those socks).
3) F - Mile Tarver (horrible, horrible player ... and mustache).
4) F - Kevin McHale (ruined MN basketball for an entire generation)
5) C - Rick Rickert (see all of the above posts, plus he is related and/or friends with someone who reads this blog and gets upset about it).

6) Sixth man - Quincy Lewis (because that is all he was ever good at - being a 6th man).

Jonathan Foster said...

Ryan Wolf

From the Barn said...

And Kyle Sanden and Kevin "Oops, I shot my finger off" Loge are just way too easy.

Kevin Nathanial too. Didn't they all play on the same team?

WWWWWW said...

Kevin Nathaniel is an outstanding call.

LSR said...

Most hated Gopher list

G- Bobby Jackson- Because he was only good for 40% of his career. Plus he was one of the main reasons we have enjoyed suffering through the last 8 years of crap basketball. Criminal!!!
G- Russ Archambault- Forget about taking the program down, he just sucked. He also thought he was a thug/gansta which made him even more laughable. The only thing worth while about this kid was is indian name, swiftbird.
F- Stanford Bro #1- Can't tell them apart. Rumor had it one was better than the other, but I couldn't tell. Both of them suck.
F- Stanford Bro #2- Read Brother #1.
C- Kyle Sanden- mouth breather....enough said.

6th man- Burlson- Read every other post about this no talent twat. The best part about Burly is we didn't even land his high school teammate which is the main reason the gophers recruited him.

Most hated fan- The guy who sits to the left of the W's. Complete D-bag.

From The Barn said...

Darrel Whaley...yeah I was going through old team posters the other day.

Anonymous said...

archambault gets a bad rap b/c of all the scandal stuff but that kid could play. also, he had high expectations as jacksons backup. you can blame haskins for all that crap, you can't stay mad at a KID. its too bad that it essentially ended his basketball career