Friday, March 14, 2008

March to a Title, Game 2

I'm coming in late to the game, because the wife and I had to watch the last hour or so of Boogie Nights. Now she's off to bed, and it's time to drink beer and watch the march to a title continue. Now, I'm a bit nervous here, because I told Snacks I was going to be watching the game on Tivo, yet he texted me that the first ten minutes of the game are great and the Gophers look really good in the beginning. Knowing that I was going to be watching on tivo, and knowing how his brain works, I'm expecting the Gophers to be down 20-2 at the 12 minute time out. Let's see.

Oh, and by the way, Illinois beating Purdue just opens the door a little wider for the Gophers' miracle run. Remember, you heard it here first.

19:51 - Did I just see Jon Williams starting? I guess Spencer must be really hurt. This is not a good sign. Not the Spencer hurt part, that's not really a big deal, but Williams starting scares the beejesus out of me.

19:09 - DJ just hit a three?

18:37 - Did you know Johnson averages exactly one three point attempt per game? Seems high. As in, he should probably never shoot that shot.

18:21 - Minnesota 1-0 all-time versus Indiana in the Big Ten tournament. I'm sensing a trend.

18:06 - DJ makes two free throws, which is a statistical improbability, and he has all five Gopher points. Never thought I'd type that.

17:22 - And Dan Coleman is playing tough down low. This is not the Gopher team I recognize. March to the Title: activated.

17:18 - Spencer Tollackson's career rebounding average: 3.7 per game. 3.7. Three point seven.

16:18 - DJ with a Rico Tucker like jam. Dominating. DJ White who?

16:00 - And that's the second foul on Eric Gordon. Eat it, Sidler.

14:54 - Stemler, the asshole who hit the big three to sink the Gophers at Williams, just airballed a three. The announcers want us to know he's 0 for his last twelve. Couldn't miss the one in Minneapolis though, could you, ass?

13:42 - McKenzie hits a three to make it 14-5 and I actually jump pumped my fist like Theory playing Golden Tee. I'm a little embarrassed, but also pretty excited here.

13:29 - Although I don't know why I'm excited, this is what the Gophers do. Second half will be full of nothing but dumb plays and bad defense as they piss away a lead.

12:22 - 19-5, as Shamala hits an 18 footer. Why he didn't just end his cut a little further and behind the 3-pt line, I don't know. God help me, I'm starting to believe.

11:24 - Eric Gordon throws one of the worst passes ever. Whoever drafts him is going to be in for a looooooooong year. Please don't let it be the Wolves.

11:24 - So they throw up a graphic showing the Big Ten Assist leaders. Three Spartans, a Buckeye, and a Wildcat. But we're watching Gophers/Hoosiers. What was the point? I swear they just hit random buttons up there sometimes.

10:27 - Eric Gordon never closes his mouth. It's creepy.

9:51 - I'm starting to develop a crush on Hoffbauer. I'm kind of afraid it's ASSWIP Syndrome.

8:39 - I hate to agree with announcers, because most of them are dumber than you are, but DJ White should be touching the ball every time down. As he proves with a bucket and the foul. And misses the free throw.

6:17 - 7-0 run by Indiana to make it 24-15. Gophers starting to get killed on the O-boards. This a major concern and I don't like it. Gordon gets an o-board and a putback as I type this.

4:52 - Jesus Christ. Apparently somebody pointed out to the Gophers that they were leading. As they've completely changed their style of play. Tentative on offense, lazy with the ball, poor defense and no rebounding, and it's now 26-20. Still Gopher lead, but things have changed dramatically. How bad is it? Tubby put in Travis "Hair Pie" Busch.

1:11 - Jordan Crawford can't take Busch off the dribble, how sad.

0:00 - Good news: Gophers lead 34-27, and Coleman sat out most of the first half. Bad news: They were up 16, and the last Hoosier possession of the half showed, beyond a doubt, that Minnesota doesn't have anybody who can even come close to checking DJ White.

19:27 - Holy crap Deandre Thomas is a fatass.

19:00 - Exhibit 10 billion why this is a dumb team and Dan Coleman is the worst offender. Coleman takes a three and misses, Indiana rebound. Coleman rushes in at the guy who got the board, leaving DJ White open streaking towards the other end.

17:59 - Danny boy Coleman picks up his fourth foul. Fourth. In two minutes this team has made eight just inexcusably dumb plays. It's over. Gophers still lead 34-32, but it's over.

17:35 - I'm going to throw something.

16:01 - This half, Gophers have 0 points, 5 turnovers. And it's now tied at 34.

15:28 - 30 second timeout and Tubby is hot. I don't know at who, specifically, but I assume it's the whole team. Who then turns it over after the TO. This is sad people, sad like cancer.

12:48 - Westbrook with an excellent basket. He seems to be a second half player, maybe time to take over? He's Philadelphia Eagle Brian Westbrook's cousin, you know.

11:48 - I just got texts from Snacks and Sidler within 20 seconds of each other. I'm going to assume something awesome happens at some point.

11:08 - Sweet, Busch is in again. Only good things can come of this.

10:28 - And Bogart just sent me a text. I am officially very curious.

9:43 - I can't take it. Fast forwarding a bit.

3:52 - Started watching again here, Gophers up 50-48 holy carp westbrook for three 53-48 Gophers.

2:44 - Another Theoryesque fist pump from me, as DJ puts one back to make it 55-50 Minnesota. I believe (tm).

1:55 - Minnesota up five. Another text comes in, but I'm not even going to pick it up. If this comes down to free throws, I'm very nervous.

0:55 - Nolen airballs the biggest three of his life. Nice shot, rook.

0:43 - DJ fouls out. That is not excellent.

0:10.6 - Dan Coleman is a weak homo, and gives the ball away. Indiana ball, 57-55 Minnesota. Oh, and another text comes in. Still ignoring.

0:03.4 - Gordon fouled and will go to the line. Based on all the text messages, I'm going to assume he makes both and we go to overtime.

0:03.4 - Holy shit he missed the first one. The Gophers are going to win this game unless they're idiots, which they are, so I'm still very, very nervous.

0:03.1 - You have to be fucking kidding me. No. fucking. way. No fucking way.

0:01.5 - What? What? Oh my god. I can't believe this shit. I have no words. I feel sick.

oh my god holy shit.

un fucking real. hell yes. I told all you people the Gophers were going to take it all. Now they just run the f over the illini and we're on our way baby, we're on our way.

Oh, and Erin Andrews interviews Blake, and asks, "What was going through your mind before you hit that shot" and Blake says to her, he says, "I just knew I had to get it off." Yeah, baby.

Hey Illini. Make your time.

Oh, and here's a message to all Indiana fans, but only from 16-18 seconds. ignore everything else.

Although, if you want to watch the rest it's very similar to how the Gophers are going to treat Illinois tomorrow. March to the TitleTM Minnesota 66, Illinois 56.

I just watched it again on on espn and it moved. and then they showed the same god damn shot from his ass again.


Anonymous said...

still Hoffbauer?

WWWWWW said...

I'm thinking of going with "Jesus"

Snake said...

yes...still Hoffbauer! Why change a good thing.

WWWWWWW, did you happen to see who threw that bullet of a pass???? Hair Pie is the true hero of the game! If Erin Andrews was even an average reporter she would have been interviewing Pie. Dumb Slut.

Also, I got a call from Dawg after the game. He claimed Hoffbauers shot was bigger than Laettners over Kentucky...I kid you not! Arf-Arf!

WWWWWW said...

Snake - I heard a rumor your precious little hockey team sucks ass. True?

The Todd said...

You go to hell. They shat the bed in double OT. Anyone want Final Five tickets?

Snake said...

Yes, the hockey team sucks but my guy Kangas has now transformed into god on skates. I only hope the red wings don't sign him after the season for their march to the cup. He is already the greatest gopher goalie ever. Eat Stauber!

P.S. Hair Pie needs more minutes if the gophers want to win this afternoon.

The Sidler said...

You can never go wrong with Soda Popinski.

Eric Gordon is awful right now. I hope he leaves and the Pacers draft him. If they're going to suck, they might as well be awful with dudes from Indianapolis. Maybe they can lure Alan Henderson out of retirement.

Go Gophers, as PaRappa the Rapper said, you gotta believe!

Dawg said...

Snacks - You may be able to identify a match up zone deffense but you are officially the worst judge of talent ever. How could you not see the god given talent of Hair Pie and The Hoff.

Hair Pie to The Hoff will be remembered as the greatest play in sports history. It was like "The Catch" if Clark would have hit a turn around floater afterwards.

Bucky said...

I was going to say that I hope you get killed by Illinois, but now I hope you win, and loose a heartbreaker to us. March to the Title, dead!

I'm glad I missed Hoffbauer's shot so I could watch the hockey team piss all over themselves. Nice power play, 23 goals, 8 shorties allowed. Here's an idea for Lucia. Given that you score a monstrous 2.5 goals a game, maybe you could stop with all the toe-dragging, drop passes, behind the back passes, and trying to make every goal look beautiful, and just put the fucking puck on net and go grind out some garbage goals.

Mike Crowley said...

Nice performance in St. Cloud last night Bucky. That was quite a spirited effort...cheese dick.

Travis said...

Hey Stewie, fuckin sniped it, eh!