Well, since I get to work from home tomorrow, I might as well drink some vodka and post some things. I know, I'm surprised too. But sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zone and do things we don't like to do. Bear with me.
- We'll start with an article I had seen but was brought up again in the comments here about your beloved Shane Schilling, called an "ex-basketball standout" in a case of hyperbolic journalism if I've ever seen one. What is not hyperbolic, however, is how big a whackjob this guy turned out to be.
The latest is that Schilling has been jailed on charges of drug possession and making terroristic threats - which does not mean threatening to blow up buildings (that would be Shamala). Apparently, since I assume if you're still here you aren't reading the article, Schilling had the cops called on him because of a loud argument accentuated by breaking glass and talk of "injections." When the cops showed up, superstar called them pigs, told them to leave, and threatened that he would kill them if they stayed. Three hours later, Schilling abruptly decided to open the door and layed down to be handcuffed without further comment. Police found a hatchet, knives (a ninja, perhaps?), and meth.
Following up on his brush with the law for attempted robbery, auto theft, receiving of stolen property - an event which included attacking some poor student on Washington Avenue and skipping town after being charged in Orono, this dude is pretty much fucked. And of course, don't forget his drunk driving incident where he crashed an explorer, then fled the scene but left his ID in the car. (NOTE: I can't find a link to this story anywhere, but I know it happened). Clearly he is dealing with his post-college life very well.
But I'm not here to dwell on the negativity. And shame on you. Let's remember the good times. Like when he scored 9 points in his first ever game as a Gopher. Or his Gopher career high 16 points his freshman year against Ohio State. Or any of the 16 other times he hit double-figures in scoring as a Gopher. Or his explosion his senior year to average 16.3 points per game, hitting 20 points six times including a huge 26 point, 8 rebound, 4 steal effort against Long Beach.
So you see, there is plenty of good stuff here to talk about. I'm really sick of all you people always having to dwell on the negative. You don't have to tear others down to build yourself up. Grow up, jerks.
By the way, if you google "Shane Schilling Drunk" we come up as the fourth website listed. Awesome.
- Speaking of Google, I started to google "How long do babies hate males" since Wonderbaby is NOT my biggest fan this past week and seems to have a real hate on for males and is in love with all females and you know that auto fill thing google has? It comes up first as "How long does weed stay in your system" as in, that's the thing people most often google that starts with the phrase "how long." The third thing is "How long does cocaine stay in your system." I'm serious. It looks like Mr. Shilling has been doing ALOT of googling.
- This week's horrible golfer who really let me down award goes to Justin Leonard. This week is the St. Jude classic, held at TPC Southwind, and not only is Leonard the defending champ, he also won this event (same venue) in 2005. Additionally he comes in hot, with a 5th, 16th, and 13th in this last three events. Should be good to go, right? Wrong. Captain Dickface instead shoots a 76, +6 on the day, good for 149th place (out of 156). Thanks, ass. You're already six shots off the cut, assuming it doesn't move, and you're 8 shots behind Notah Begay III, who generally makes about one cut a year. Adam freaking Scott would have probably shot even par for god's sake, and he might be the worst golfer in the world right now. Leonard is officially in my "go-to-hell" pile along with Sean O'Hair and some other guys I don't remember right now.
- Putting DWG on facebook has already been a resounding success. I'm friends already with both Melvin Newbern and Vincent Grier. If you haven't signed up to be our friend yet, you should. More than daily updates and a little discussion here and there. You're missing out, nerd.
- So everyone knows that Rico Tucker is the most athletic player in Gopher history, despite the fact that a bunch of dingleberries are trying to say that Rod Williams will be when he arrives. Leaving aside that nonsense, I thought it might be fun to check out what Rico's resume was coming out of high school in San Diego.
One thing I forgot or possibly never knew is that Rico made the Rivals150 the year he came out (2004). He was ranked #129, ahead of Rodney Stuckey, Chris Lofton, and DeMare Carroll. I don't really want to note this here, but it should also be said that Spencer Tollackson was ranked #118, so we probably don't need to pay too much attention to these lists. But that's not the point.
The point is, Rico was ranked the #20 point guard that year. Right behind Taurean Green and ahead of Lofton, Ramon Sessions, and Zam Frederick.
A lot of potential. I think we all saw that. Early in his freshman year, I unfortunately don't remember who the opponent was, but Rico got the ball in the far corner, drove by his man baseline side, and rose up for one of the most impressive dunks I have ever seen on any level, except some stupid white guy fouled him so he missed the dunk. Nevertheless, if you were paying attention, you were in man-love.
You probably don't remember this either, but Rico hit double-figures in scoring in both of his first two games. Two games which also totaled five steals and no turnovers, with better than 50% shooting. Overall in his freshman year, Rico hit double figures ten times, including a 17 point outburst against Loyola-Marymount that came with three trey balls. Alas, of those ten double-figure outputs, only two came in conference player, as Tucker's minutes dwindled. In team's first 13 games, he hit 20 minutes 10 times and never played less than 15 minutes. In the final 18 games he only hit 20 minutes four times, and totaled just 47 minutes in the team's final seven games. He ended up leading all Big Ten freshmen in steals and was 10th overall in the conference.
The following year his minutes were down from 17 a game to 14 a game, with a corresponding drop in almost every stat. He hit double-figures in scoring just four times, and hit 20 minutes played in just four conference games. His shooting dropped to just 30% on the season, and his assist to turnover ratio was an abysmal 0.63. What happened? He was Monsoned.
Those of you who remember that team should remember. Any missed shot, Rico was pulled. Any turnover, Rico was pulled. Hell, I remember a couple of times where he hit 2-3 shots in a row, then missed one, and was out at the next whistle. I question why Monson would even recruit an elite athlete, who was an unpolished gem, if we wasn't going to give him any free reign. It was a frustrating season for both Rico and Rico fans, and predictably he bolted for better pastures after that season, transferring to his home town Pepperdine.
In a new, more wide open system with a coach who was willing to give him room to thrive, Rico flourished. He opened the pre-season by winning the team's dunk contest, but then struggled played for Pepperdine until a December game against Montana State where he put up 24 points. The rest of the season, including conference play, Rico was on a terror, hitting double figures in ten of the team's last 11 games, stealing, assisting, and rebounding while cutting down on the turnovers that plagued him throughout his career. He made the all-tournament team at the Montana State tournament. He led the Waves in assists in fifteen times while leading the WCC in steals, finishing sixth in assists, and 15th in scoring. Things were looking very good, and very up for Rico, but then a knee injury ended his junior year, and basically wiped out his senior season as well.
His final year at Pepperdine, Tucker was only able to average 11 minutes per game, and hit double figures in scoring just once. He wasn't any where near the same player, as an athletic player with just one knee isn't a good combo, and played double figures in minutes just once in the team's last nine games. It was a lost season.
Really, I know I talk Rico up too much on here, but seriously think about it. He was a highly rated talent coming out of high school and had a very promising early freshman season before stupid Dan Monson decided he didn't like him or something and tanked the second half of his freshman year and his whole sophomore season. After the transfer, he started to really come into his own before the knee injury killed him.
I stand by my contention that not only is Enrico Tucker the greatest athlete to come into the Gopher basketball program in history, but also that with a better coach and/or no injury issues, he could have been a star. Well, maybe not a star, but a very, very good player.
I'm going to end the post here. Think on this for a while. Think on this.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Twins MLB Draft Review
Last night was the big MLB draft, and even though I know very little about it, I nonetheless feel pretty much just as qualified as most morons who write about sports on mainstream sights, so I'm going to break it down anyway.
- Stephen Strasburg, unreal stud RHP out of San Diego State went first overall to the Nationals in what was apparently a no-brainer. Of course, no brainer pitchers early in the draft are always a guarantee. I mean the last ten first overall picks who were pitchers have been David Price, Luke Hochevar, Brian Bullington, Matt Anderson, Kris Benson, Paul Wilson, Brien Taylor, Ben McDonald, Andy Benes, and Tim Belcher. Not exactly an all-timer list, and Taylor was probably the biggest bust in history - more so even than Ryan Leaf. All the talking head people assure us that he is the real deal and is already all the way polished thanks to his time throwing in college, but I remember hearing the same things about Mark Prior. So everything sounds good, and he was definitely the no-brainer pick at #1 - and could even possibly hit the majors this year, but let's all just settle down and not start handing out Cy Young's just yet.
- The #2 and #3 picks were the only other two people I have heard of in this draft, not counting that one Gopher guy who is good. The Mariners took CF Dustin Ackley out of North Carolina at #2 and the Padres took CF Donavan Tate, a high school kid, with the #3 pick. The only thing I know about these two is that Ackley is that he is pretty much unanimously considered the best pure hitter in the draft but is also coming off of Tommy John surgery and has had to play first base for the Heels because of it. Kind of a big question mark, but if he can hit, I have no doubt a place will be found for him. I know even less about Tate, but he sounds like an incredible athlete who hasn't really learned to hit yet. After watching Gomez for a year and a half, I'd pass on this kid faster than Al Nolen passes on an open jump shot.
- The #4 pick was the Pirates, and they took some kid I've never heard of, a catcher from Boston College the likely made up name Jorge Sanchez, even though I they already have Ryan Doumit, maybe their best player, behind the dish and I had heard they were going to go after some latino shortstop with three names. Whatever. Enough of all these people I haven't heard of and don't care about. On to the Twins.
- Mrs. W just asked if I wanted to get Grey's Anatomy Season One from Netflix. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.
- The Twins first pick, #22 overall, ended up being RHP Kyle Gibson out of U of Missouri (Arty Johnson U, holla). He's a very interesting pick, and one that LaVelle brought up previously on his blog at the Star Tribune site. According to Mr. Neal, Gibson was ranked as the fourth best prospect in the draft (he neglected to cite his source and I neglected to look one up due to Mr. Vodka), but slipped for two reasons. The first was concerns he would ask for a huge bonus. Knowing the Twins as well as I unfortunately do, I assume they made sure to get this figured out before they drafted him. Second, he's dealing with a stress fracture in his pitching arm - always a positive sign for a pitcher. But apparently the kid is the shit. He hits 94 with his fastball at times, but is more of a sinking fastball type with two other plus pitches in his slider and changeup. If that wasn't enough to convince you he is Twins' material, check out this line from last season: 99 innings, 18 walks (123 strikeouts to boot). Sounds pretty good if the injury checks out. I'm giving this a cautious thumbs up.
- We're watching some weird show about weird religious people with a billion kids right now (well, the Mrs. is, I'm obviously blogging about very important social issues) and this super naive religious guy was talking about taking medicine and he called his wife "The Master of Swallowing." I don't care who you are, that's funny.
- The Twins second pick just came through, their "sandwich pick" for losing Dennis Reyes, which is pretty funny when you think about it - because he's fat, you see. It would probably make me hungry, but I made the World's Greatest ChiliTM tonight so I'm good. What was my point? Oh yeah, with the #46 pick (which seems incredibly generous for getting rid of Reyes) the Twinks took LHP Matthew Bashore out of Indiana U. Seeing as this is a Gopher blog, you'd think I'd be familiar with some of the pitcher's around the Big Ten. Well, you're super wrong. But I CAN tell you what the internet says about him.
Bashore dealt with arm issues in the off-season, being relegated to the bullpen in the Cape Cod League of Summer Catch fame, in what is seemingly a conscious draft theme at this point, but recovered once he got back to the Hoosiers to post five quality starts in his last six outings - I have no idea if that is impressive or not in college. The scouting sounds pretty solid, as Bashore is reported to have four good pitches including a nice splitter and is said to be a very polished college player. So yeah. Go team.
- As we wait for the last Twins pick of the day I think I don't really remember I just remembered the fourth guy I had heard of. His name is Aaron Crow, and he's a pitcher who was actually drafted at #9 last year but didn't sign. He then decided to go play in the independent league for the Fort Worthless Cats which makes me angry all-over again about how much that god forsaken city sucks, but it seems he pitched pretty well for the newest stopover for top prospects, supplanting the Saint Paul Saints (Luke Hochevar and Max Scherzer pitched their previously).
Crow pitched three games, totaling 17 innings with 17 strikeouts and just five walks, while opponents hit just .196 against him resulting in an ERA of 1.06. Pretty solid. What I read had him as the #2 pitcher on the board (after Strasburg), yet he fell all the way #12, the eighth pitcher taken, falling right in Kansas City's lap. With Greinke, Hochevar, and now the potential of Crow, KC is poised to possibly make some noise in a couple of years. Although Hochevar will flame out, Crow will end up as a middle reliever, and Greinke will be a Yankee. Hooray MLB Draft!!!!
- The Magic shot 75% in the first half tonight, and they are up only five at the half. Christ, this garbage is pretty much over.
- Ok, the Twins have taken their next two selections, their last for tonight. They went with another couple of pitchers, this time RHP William Bullock out of Florida and RHP Benjamin Tootle out of Jacksonville State. Tootle has powerful stuff, and although he was a starter in college most scouts see him as a reliever in the pros (is he ready, like, today, by any chance?). He continues a theme of banged up players in the draft for the Twins - he battled some kind of crazy virus (swine flu?) when he was in the Cape League, causing him to slip. Billy Bullock is similar to Tootle, but without the flu problem. He is called the best bullpen guy in the draft from the SEC by Baseball America, and can hit 97 on the radar gun. Given the Twins problems in that area, I am happy with these last two picks.
- Home run #16 for Morneau. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Mrs. W always refers to Morneau as "big head" and refuses to refer to him as anything else. That's all.
- Delmon with an RBI already tonight and it's only the fifth. That gives him 15 already on the season. And it's still early.
- Kobe missed a layup. Nice job queer.
- Delmon Young's middle name is Damarcus.
- Kobe misses free throws. Nice job queer.
- I got nothin' left. In penance, I offer up this picture of Alyssa Milano in Twins' gear:
If we aren't square after that, I don't know what else to do.
- Stephen Strasburg, unreal stud RHP out of San Diego State went first overall to the Nationals in what was apparently a no-brainer. Of course, no brainer pitchers early in the draft are always a guarantee. I mean the last ten first overall picks who were pitchers have been David Price, Luke Hochevar, Brian Bullington, Matt Anderson, Kris Benson, Paul Wilson, Brien Taylor, Ben McDonald, Andy Benes, and Tim Belcher. Not exactly an all-timer list, and Taylor was probably the biggest bust in history - more so even than Ryan Leaf. All the talking head people assure us that he is the real deal and is already all the way polished thanks to his time throwing in college, but I remember hearing the same things about Mark Prior. So everything sounds good, and he was definitely the no-brainer pick at #1 - and could even possibly hit the majors this year, but let's all just settle down and not start handing out Cy Young's just yet.
- The #2 and #3 picks were the only other two people I have heard of in this draft, not counting that one Gopher guy who is good. The Mariners took CF Dustin Ackley out of North Carolina at #2 and the Padres took CF Donavan Tate, a high school kid, with the #3 pick. The only thing I know about these two is that Ackley is that he is pretty much unanimously considered the best pure hitter in the draft but is also coming off of Tommy John surgery and has had to play first base for the Heels because of it. Kind of a big question mark, but if he can hit, I have no doubt a place will be found for him. I know even less about Tate, but he sounds like an incredible athlete who hasn't really learned to hit yet. After watching Gomez for a year and a half, I'd pass on this kid faster than Al Nolen passes on an open jump shot.
- The #4 pick was the Pirates, and they took some kid I've never heard of, a catcher from Boston College the likely made up name Jorge Sanchez, even though I they already have Ryan Doumit, maybe their best player, behind the dish and I had heard they were going to go after some latino shortstop with three names. Whatever. Enough of all these people I haven't heard of and don't care about. On to the Twins.
- Mrs. W just asked if I wanted to get Grey's Anatomy Season One from Netflix. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.
- The Twins first pick, #22 overall, ended up being RHP Kyle Gibson out of U of Missouri (Arty Johnson U, holla). He's a very interesting pick, and one that LaVelle brought up previously on his blog at the Star Tribune site. According to Mr. Neal, Gibson was ranked as the fourth best prospect in the draft (he neglected to cite his source and I neglected to look one up due to Mr. Vodka), but slipped for two reasons. The first was concerns he would ask for a huge bonus. Knowing the Twins as well as I unfortunately do, I assume they made sure to get this figured out before they drafted him. Second, he's dealing with a stress fracture in his pitching arm - always a positive sign for a pitcher. But apparently the kid is the shit. He hits 94 with his fastball at times, but is more of a sinking fastball type with two other plus pitches in his slider and changeup. If that wasn't enough to convince you he is Twins' material, check out this line from last season: 99 innings, 18 walks (123 strikeouts to boot). Sounds pretty good if the injury checks out. I'm giving this a cautious thumbs up.
- We're watching some weird show about weird religious people with a billion kids right now (well, the Mrs. is, I'm obviously blogging about very important social issues) and this super naive religious guy was talking about taking medicine and he called his wife "The Master of Swallowing." I don't care who you are, that's funny.
- The Twins second pick just came through, their "sandwich pick" for losing Dennis Reyes, which is pretty funny when you think about it - because he's fat, you see. It would probably make me hungry, but I made the World's Greatest ChiliTM tonight so I'm good. What was my point? Oh yeah, with the #46 pick (which seems incredibly generous for getting rid of Reyes) the Twinks took LHP Matthew Bashore out of Indiana U. Seeing as this is a Gopher blog, you'd think I'd be familiar with some of the pitcher's around the Big Ten. Well, you're super wrong. But I CAN tell you what the internet says about him.
Bashore dealt with arm issues in the off-season, being relegated to the bullpen in the Cape Cod League of Summer Catch fame, in what is seemingly a conscious draft theme at this point, but recovered once he got back to the Hoosiers to post five quality starts in his last six outings - I have no idea if that is impressive or not in college. The scouting sounds pretty solid, as Bashore is reported to have four good pitches including a nice splitter and is said to be a very polished college player. So yeah. Go team.
- As we wait for the last Twins pick of the day I think I don't really remember I just remembered the fourth guy I had heard of. His name is Aaron Crow, and he's a pitcher who was actually drafted at #9 last year but didn't sign. He then decided to go play in the independent league for the Fort Worthless Cats which makes me angry all-over again about how much that god forsaken city sucks, but it seems he pitched pretty well for the newest stopover for top prospects, supplanting the Saint Paul Saints (Luke Hochevar and Max Scherzer pitched their previously).
Crow pitched three games, totaling 17 innings with 17 strikeouts and just five walks, while opponents hit just .196 against him resulting in an ERA of 1.06. Pretty solid. What I read had him as the #2 pitcher on the board (after Strasburg), yet he fell all the way #12, the eighth pitcher taken, falling right in Kansas City's lap. With Greinke, Hochevar, and now the potential of Crow, KC is poised to possibly make some noise in a couple of years. Although Hochevar will flame out, Crow will end up as a middle reliever, and Greinke will be a Yankee. Hooray MLB Draft!!!!
- The Magic shot 75% in the first half tonight, and they are up only five at the half. Christ, this garbage is pretty much over.
- Ok, the Twins have taken their next two selections, their last for tonight. They went with another couple of pitchers, this time RHP William Bullock out of Florida and RHP Benjamin Tootle out of Jacksonville State. Tootle has powerful stuff, and although he was a starter in college most scouts see him as a reliever in the pros (is he ready, like, today, by any chance?). He continues a theme of banged up players in the draft for the Twins - he battled some kind of crazy virus (swine flu?) when he was in the Cape League, causing him to slip. Billy Bullock is similar to Tootle, but without the flu problem. He is called the best bullpen guy in the draft from the SEC by Baseball America, and can hit 97 on the radar gun. Given the Twins problems in that area, I am happy with these last two picks.
- Home run #16 for Morneau. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Mrs. W always refers to Morneau as "big head" and refuses to refer to him as anything else. That's all.
- Delmon with an RBI already tonight and it's only the fifth. That gives him 15 already on the season. And it's still early.
- Kobe missed a layup. Nice job queer.
- Delmon Young's middle name is Damarcus.
- Kobe misses free throws. Nice job queer.
- I got nothin' left. In penance, I offer up this picture of Alyssa Milano in Twins' gear:
If we aren't square after that, I don't know what else to do.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Monday Musings
- First off, as you can probably read right above this, Down with Goldy is now on Facebook. I'm not exactly sure why or what the point is, but most likely I will be updating the status whenever those little thoughts pop into my head that don't quite deserve a post of their own. So go be my friend. I promise you'll like it.
- In Gopher hoops news, it seems Tubby has stayed busy and made two offers to big men towards the end of May - which I somehow missed. The first went to noted ginger kid Alex Kirk out of New Mexico, who just picked up an offer from Arizona as well to go with his whole mess of Pac 10 offers. The second was to another big man, 6-11 center Elliott Eliason from Nebraska, where he was the high school player of the year last season. Eliason is on his way up, but Minnesota is probably his most impressive offer. Both of his home state schools have also given Elliott an offer (Nebraska and Creighton), and are said to be in the lead to gain his commitment.
Keeping up on the 2010 recruiting trail, it's obvious Tubby is really going after a big man or two. I can only assume it's because he expects Ralph Sampson to be heading pro after next season. Personally, I'm still awfully concerned about point guard. GET CORY JOSEPH. The problem? Louisville has said Joseph is their #1 target for the class. Yikes. I still don't think the program is quite there yet, but being legitimately in the game for guys like Joseph and Harrison Barnes is an awesome, awesome step, even if they don't get either of them.
- El Tigre won yet another tournament this weekend, this time the Memorial - the fourth time he's won at Muirfield Village. I was watching, and I was all prepared to write a post complimenting Jonathan Byrd, who held a two shot lead over Tiger, Jim Furyk, and Davis Love III through twelve holes. Despite the charge by Woods (he was -5 on the day at this point), Byrd just kept doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well, and was looking like he wouldn't follow Sean O'Hair and Alex Cejka as guys who recently collapsed with the lead on Sunday.
Of course, he then proceeded to three-putt for a bogey (including a miss from four feet) on 13 and double-bogeyed 14 to cough the lead right back up, before birdying fifteen to stay in the mix. It was very entertaining golf in the end, with Tiger, Furyk, Woods, and Byrd all holding the lead at different points before Tiger, of course, pulled away with back-to-back birdies on 17 and 18 with two of the best approach shots you're ever going to see. God he's freaky good. And it was awesome to see some good golf on Sunday instead of the usual collapses we've been seeing lately (yes, the two guys tied for the lead after 54 holes shot +1 and +3 to drop out of contention, but there were enough good players and good golf to make it a fun tournament.) US Open in two weeks at Bethpage should be awesome. And I already know who's gonna win. I can't tell you yet, he's quite the sleeper pick, but I'll let you know in a couple weeks.
- Watched some of the Twins game as well, which they lost of course because that's what they do, and at one point Mauer took a strike to fall behind in the count 1-2. Dick says, "Most hitters struggle with two strikes, but with Mauer the count doesn't even matter." Since I like accuracy, I naturally had to look it up to see if there was any truth to this, or if it was another example of Dick wildly throwing out words that may or may not be true.
Guess what? Dick was just making shit up. I know, I couldn't believe it either. For his career, Mauer hits .323/.405/.476, but with two strikes he drops to .262/.316/.379. Maybe he was talking about this year alone, you say? More of the same. Overall he's at .419/.507/.812, but with two strikes drops to .270/.343/.444.
So despite all anecdotal evidence to the contrary, Joe Mauer is a human being who is affected by many of the same things other mortal human hitters are, such as a 2-strike count. Consider my world rocked.
- We rented The Uninvited this weekend, and I would recommend it. It's a horror movie, a remake of a Japanese horror movie, about a hot chick (Emily Browning) who comes home from a mental institution to her hot sister (Arielle Kebbel), dad (the guy who played Eddie Cicotte) and his hot new, younger wife (Elizabeth Banks). There's a ghost, some scary dreams, and the hot sisters become convinced their new hot step mom killed their real mom - the event which sent sister #1 to the nut house. It's got some legit scary moments, and is more of a psychological thriller than a supernatural thriller, which gives it a nice edge. If you're looking for something to watch, you could do a lot worse.
- The MLB draft is Tuesday, and our beloved Twins are picking 22nd. The first mock draft I found by using the Google has them taking a high school outfielder named Evert Williams. I have no idea who that is. I have heard of only a handful of guys who are going to get drafted, and other than Stephen Strasburg that's only from a little bit of reading I did this weekend. After the draft, I'm sure I'll have more opinions as I read them from other people. As for the #22 pick, Glen Perkins was picked there by the Twins. David Aardsma, noted Twins killer, was a #22. As were Gil Meche, Rick Helling, Steve Karsay, and Jayson Werth. So it's impossible to get a good player at #22.
- Finally, I was watching the NBA Finals and J.J. Redick proving he's the only shooting specialist in the league who can't make a wide open shot, and they had one of those "Where Amazing Happens" commercials featuring this shot:
This shot continually appears on lists as one of the greatest moves of all-time, but can somebody please explain to me why? I didn't get it then, I didn't get it year after year when it is always replayed, and I still don't get it now.
First of all, it's not hard. In my very short basketball prime I couldn't jump and my strengths did not include athleticism, and yet I could go up with one hand and switch to the other and make the shot without much trouble. Secondly, he didn't even need to do it. There's no reason when he goes up with his right hand to even switch to the left. There's NOBODY there. Just lay it in with your right hand, show off.
Can anyone explain this to me? Is it just because it was Jordan and everybody wants to make out with him? Is it because Marv Albert reached Kevin Harlan levels of excitement? I don't get it. At all. And yet that play is always included in all sorts of all-time lists, so either everybody is an idiot or I just don't get it.
I'm open to all possibilities.
- In Gopher hoops news, it seems Tubby has stayed busy and made two offers to big men towards the end of May - which I somehow missed. The first went to noted ginger kid Alex Kirk out of New Mexico, who just picked up an offer from Arizona as well to go with his whole mess of Pac 10 offers. The second was to another big man, 6-11 center Elliott Eliason from Nebraska, where he was the high school player of the year last season. Eliason is on his way up, but Minnesota is probably his most impressive offer. Both of his home state schools have also given Elliott an offer (Nebraska and Creighton), and are said to be in the lead to gain his commitment.
Keeping up on the 2010 recruiting trail, it's obvious Tubby is really going after a big man or two. I can only assume it's because he expects Ralph Sampson to be heading pro after next season. Personally, I'm still awfully concerned about point guard. GET CORY JOSEPH. The problem? Louisville has said Joseph is their #1 target for the class. Yikes. I still don't think the program is quite there yet, but being legitimately in the game for guys like Joseph and Harrison Barnes is an awesome, awesome step, even if they don't get either of them.
- El Tigre won yet another tournament this weekend, this time the Memorial - the fourth time he's won at Muirfield Village. I was watching, and I was all prepared to write a post complimenting Jonathan Byrd, who held a two shot lead over Tiger, Jim Furyk, and Davis Love III through twelve holes. Despite the charge by Woods (he was -5 on the day at this point), Byrd just kept doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well, and was looking like he wouldn't follow Sean O'Hair and Alex Cejka as guys who recently collapsed with the lead on Sunday.
Of course, he then proceeded to three-putt for a bogey (including a miss from four feet) on 13 and double-bogeyed 14 to cough the lead right back up, before birdying fifteen to stay in the mix. It was very entertaining golf in the end, with Tiger, Furyk, Woods, and Byrd all holding the lead at different points before Tiger, of course, pulled away with back-to-back birdies on 17 and 18 with two of the best approach shots you're ever going to see. God he's freaky good. And it was awesome to see some good golf on Sunday instead of the usual collapses we've been seeing lately (yes, the two guys tied for the lead after 54 holes shot +1 and +3 to drop out of contention, but there were enough good players and good golf to make it a fun tournament.) US Open in two weeks at Bethpage should be awesome. And I already know who's gonna win. I can't tell you yet, he's quite the sleeper pick, but I'll let you know in a couple weeks.
- Watched some of the Twins game as well, which they lost of course because that's what they do, and at one point Mauer took a strike to fall behind in the count 1-2. Dick says, "Most hitters struggle with two strikes, but with Mauer the count doesn't even matter." Since I like accuracy, I naturally had to look it up to see if there was any truth to this, or if it was another example of Dick wildly throwing out words that may or may not be true.
Guess what? Dick was just making shit up. I know, I couldn't believe it either. For his career, Mauer hits .323/.405/.476, but with two strikes he drops to .262/.316/.379. Maybe he was talking about this year alone, you say? More of the same. Overall he's at .419/.507/.812, but with two strikes drops to .270/.343/.444.
So despite all anecdotal evidence to the contrary, Joe Mauer is a human being who is affected by many of the same things other mortal human hitters are, such as a 2-strike count. Consider my world rocked.
- We rented The Uninvited this weekend, and I would recommend it. It's a horror movie, a remake of a Japanese horror movie, about a hot chick (Emily Browning) who comes home from a mental institution to her hot sister (Arielle Kebbel), dad (the guy who played Eddie Cicotte) and his hot new, younger wife (Elizabeth Banks). There's a ghost, some scary dreams, and the hot sisters become convinced their new hot step mom killed their real mom - the event which sent sister #1 to the nut house. It's got some legit scary moments, and is more of a psychological thriller than a supernatural thriller, which gives it a nice edge. If you're looking for something to watch, you could do a lot worse.
- The MLB draft is Tuesday, and our beloved Twins are picking 22nd. The first mock draft I found by using the Google has them taking a high school outfielder named Evert Williams. I have no idea who that is. I have heard of only a handful of guys who are going to get drafted, and other than Stephen Strasburg that's only from a little bit of reading I did this weekend. After the draft, I'm sure I'll have more opinions as I read them from other people. As for the #22 pick, Glen Perkins was picked there by the Twins. David Aardsma, noted Twins killer, was a #22. As were Gil Meche, Rick Helling, Steve Karsay, and Jayson Werth. So it's impossible to get a good player at #22.
- Finally, I was watching the NBA Finals and J.J. Redick proving he's the only shooting specialist in the league who can't make a wide open shot, and they had one of those "Where Amazing Happens" commercials featuring this shot:
This shot continually appears on lists as one of the greatest moves of all-time, but can somebody please explain to me why? I didn't get it then, I didn't get it year after year when it is always replayed, and I still don't get it now.
First of all, it's not hard. In my very short basketball prime I couldn't jump and my strengths did not include athleticism, and yet I could go up with one hand and switch to the other and make the shot without much trouble. Secondly, he didn't even need to do it. There's no reason when he goes up with his right hand to even switch to the left. There's NOBODY there. Just lay it in with your right hand, show off.
Can anyone explain this to me? Is it just because it was Jordan and everybody wants to make out with him? Is it because Marv Albert reached Kevin Harlan levels of excitement? I don't get it. At all. And yet that play is always included in all sorts of all-time lists, so either everybody is an idiot or I just don't get it.
I'm open to all possibilities.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Liriano's Last Stand
I was considering watching Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy tonight, but I found out it's not actually about Hammerheads. It's actually about some kind of crazy Hammerhead/Human hybrid science experiment gone rogue. Think Armaggon from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (see above). Lame. How can I bitch about faulty science and shoddy research if the movie isn't about something real? That's the blessing and the curse of Sci-Fi; you can make up anything you want. The Hammerhead/Human thing could speak fluent Esperanto, shoot lasers out of it's eyes, and have a chainsaw for a left hand and it could just be explained away as "that was the result of the experiment that created the creature." I can't handle that. Plus I don't speak Esperanto and I hate sub-titles. So instead I'm going to watch Francisco Liriano try not to lose his job.
This is a huge game for Francisco. He's been a giant pile of dung lately, failing to get to the fifth in his last three starts. With Glen Perkins coming off the disabled list soon, and Anthony Swarzak pitching well enough to stay in the bigs (mirage that it may be), this might be Liriano's last chance to stay in the rotation. If he falls flat again, expect to see him either sent down to AAA once again or thrown to the bullpen.
Liriano will once again be taking on Felix the King, the third time these two enigmas have dueled this season. Felix beat the Twins 6-1 on opening day, and the Twins got him back with a 9-6 win on May 9th, chasing him after just four innings thanks in large part to back-to-back jacks by Mauer and Morneau.
Felix is having a lot more success this season, sporting an ERA of 3.41 and a WHIP of 1.28. The Twins are hot but honestly I don't really like their chances here. More important than the win though is Franky pitching well. Let's watch.
Oh, and I'm going with Sweet Tea Vodka and Lemonade tonight. Nostrovia!
9:09 - Hmm. Buscher DHing tonight. I was really hoping for some Delmon action. If I'm live blogging, there's nothing better than a little Delmon.
9:12 - Mauer is 10-16 lifetime against Felix. 10-16! That's unreal. He has a career OAVG of .260, and Mauer just owns him (small sample size, yes). Of course, a lazy fly out to center is the only logical outcome.
9:14 - A 1-2-3 first inning on something like 7 pitches. Yeaaaaaaaaaah!
9:16 - This is not a scary Mariner lineup. Just looked it up, and they are last in the AL in runs scored and on-base percentage, and 2nd to last in slugging. If he can't handle these guys, it's time to move him while he still has value.
9:17 - We get Gomez instead of Cuddyer, too. At least there's some entertainment.
9:19 - Fly out, Strikeout of Branyan (of course), and another fly out. Looked good too.
9:21 - Kubel whiffs, chasing a curve in the dirt for strike three. Tonight the roll of Delmon Young will be played by Jason Kubel.
9:23 - By the way, did you know Delmon Young has all of two extra-base hits this year? Two! His Isolated Power (slugging - batting average), basically a different way to look at slugging without singles and a high average mucking it up, is the fourth worst in all of baseball. You know is the worst? Nick Punto. You know who is the fifth worst? Alexi Casilla. Jesus, the Twins have less power than Obama, who we all know is just the nominal head of a shadow government working behind the scenes for a One World Order.
9:25 - Base knock for the pervy alcoholic (Brendan Harris) as Bert let's us know just how racist against asians Felix is. He is 1-3 with a 7.22 ERA when Kenji Johjima catches, and 4-0, 0.83 when someone else does. Bert tells us if you can't communicate with your catcher, you can't win. Maybe Bert is the racist one? Buscher stikes out to end the inning.
9:31 - Mike Sweeney ding dong to start the second. I think he was the clown who broke up Baker's no hitter last year too. In my experience watching Liriano, once there's a run, several more will soon follow. Like kids in a trailer park family.
9:35 - Liriano settles down, getting a weak ground out and two strikeouts to finish out the second. Got to see him use the elusive changeup, too, and got a swing and a miss. Oh, and it's some white dude catching for the Mariners, so it's safe to say the Twins are effed.
9:39 - Gomez leads off the third with an infield hit. They need to institute the Willie Mays Hayes program for him - every time he hits the ball in the air, it's twenty push ups. There's no reason for Vince Coleman 2.0 to ever hit the ball in the air. By the way, this is the guy Snacks said would hit 30 home runs some year. He's the next Scott Stahoviak.
9:42 - Infield hit for Casilla now. The Isolated Power here is off the charts.
9:44 - And of course, Gardy is having Span bunt. He's your second best hitter (canucks and roid-heads ineligible), don't take the bat out of his hands - especially in just the third inning. What, you really think you're only gonna need one or two runs? Freaking Liriano is on the mound, you better look to get at least five or six, which means no sac bunts in a potential big inning. God I hate Gardy so much. If this town wasn't so retarded about the "blue collar mentality" he would have been run out of here already for being a dipshit.
9:45 - Mauer walks, setting up the double-play. Speaking of Morneau, did you know that there are two Canadians in the top 3 in the AL in RBI? It's an invasion. We were busy watching the south, but they got us from the north. A classic diversionary invasion. Sun Tzu would be proud.
9:48 - They end up getting one to tie it on a Morneau sac fly. Good use of the sacrifice that inning. I'm so proud.
9:51 - Some clown for the Mariners lays down a bunt and then tries to slide into first Punto-style. Shocker, he was out. Where is Punto? Is he hurt? No way Gardy has just stopped playing "his guy Nicky", right?
9:53 - I looked it up. He's on the DL with a groin strain, same injury I got last time I humped your sister.
9:55 - Liriano actually just walked Ichiro. Do you know how hard that is to do? In his career he walks in 6% of his plate appearances, and that walk right there gives him a whopping eleven this year. He's so awesome, he can even walk guys who hate to walk worse than fat softball players. And now we get to watch him try to pitch with a runner on, which is where he usually falls apart - and there's a single for Branyan, which actually I didn't know he ever did. Now here's Beltre. That god there are two outs.
10:01 - God dammit. Had him 1-2 and ended up walking him after he fouled off a bunch of pitches. I'm going to go ahead and say this is the at-bat of his season. If Sweeney takes him to a gap and clears the bases it's time to trade him before the implosion plays all the way out. If he can get out of it, maybe he can turn it back around and stop sucking.
10:06 - Lazy fly ball, out of the inning. Honestly, I think what Snacks and Sidler said about it being mental might be right. Watching him once a runner is on base is like watching a whole other pitcher. He's afraid to throw it over the plate, gets behind, and then has to groove it. He needs to stop that and get over it. Kind of like how Theory was afraid of being our softball pitcher because he was convinced he was going to take a line drive in the melon. Like that, but not as girly.
10:08 - Effin' Dick just stole my bit. Said that might have been a "crossroads" type inning for Liriano.
10:13 - Sean O'Hair can go to hell by the way. That little bitch dropped out of the Memorial at some point between round one and two. I can't find any news on why, but I'm going to guess his dad yelled at him and made him cry. Also, Adam Scott is absolutely wrecked somehow. He finished 77-81 and missed the cut at +12. Seriously, the guy has died faster than David Ortiz.
10:17 - What kind of name is Wladimir? I swear, black people can misspell anything.
10:24 - What the hell? Suddenly Span strikes out on a ball out of the zone. That means both of my favorites, Kubel and Span, who I love for their plate discipline, have struck out on pitches well out of the strike zone tonight. The only possible explanation is that Felix is the Jesus of pitching. He's the Joe Mauer of pitching.
10:31 - Two one, two out for Kubel and he just misses a pitch and ends up flying out. Twins are knocking Felix around and drawing walks, but can't get the big hit - which almost always comes back to haunt them. Middle of the fifth, still 1-1.
10:34 - Four pitch walk to start the fifth. Great.
10:40 - I've never seen anyone so afraid to throw the ball over the plate. The only called strikes he gets are when he nips the black on the outside corner with his slider. I have no idea if he doesn't have it since the surgery or if he just thinks he doesn't, but somebody needs to get in that guys head and fix it back up. He struck out Beltre with a low change up (a really good pitch) to end the inning after two walks, but he just looks like it's a struggle the whole time he's out there. Still, it's 1-1, and if he can get his confidence back up I'm convinced he can still be a 1/2 type pitcher. I BELIEVE.
10:45 - Joe Crede sucks
10:51 - Couple more hits, still no more runs. They are squandering every opportunity. It's not every day Buscher gets a hit, you need to take advantage of that, man.
10:57 - Two quick outs for Liriano, and then Wladimir somehow hits a soft ground ball that somehow gets passed Crede and down the line, and then Denardo drops it into the bleachers going from glove to hand. Ends up as a 2-out double for Vlad.
11:00 - Bert wants us to know that he hasn't seen Liriano shake off Mauer at all tonight. He then continues to praise Mauer and essentially give him the credit for Liriano's solid outing (which is likely now over after a weak fly out since he's through six and over 100 pitches now). What can the baby jesus not do? Oh, right, stay clean.
11:03 - Span down on strikes again. I hope he isn't broken. Mauer and Morneau follow it up with a couple of easy outs. It's now bullpen vs. bullpen. I have no idea who Seattle has, but I like their chances.
11:12 - Crain manages to get two outs, which is weird. Now we are going to get Mijares to go after Ichiro - who is still hitless and stuck on his 27 game hit streak. This might be his last time up.
11:15 - Easy ground out, still 1-1 going to the 8th. Good game. Not a lot to bitch about so far though, which sucks.
11:19 - Seattle goes with Sean white, who appears to be about 6-10 and Mrs. W says, "He could be cute. Wait. Nope, nevermind." He gets Kubel to ground out, but then somehow manages to walk Crede, which is nearly on par with walking Ichiro. Harris and Buscher coming up next doesn't exactly fill me with hope. It's more like, the opposite of hope. But not quite despair. We'll call it, Less Hope.
11:23 - When I mentioned to Mrs. W she made the blog, she asked how and I told her and she was underwhelmed. She would like me to mention to all of you that she ran 10 miles today in her prep for Grandma's half-marathon in two weeks. If I can have a moment of seriousity here, let me say that she is pretty awesome.
11:25 - Tolbert steals second, and I have no idea where Tolbert came from. Apparently he's so much faster than Crede that taking away Crede's bat and putting Tolbert's (the equivalent of a little girl) in is a worthwhile thing to do. Meanwhile Harris strikes out on a ball in the dirt, and Mrs. W (who is suddenly paying attention) sees Buscher at the plate and asks "Who is this Pud (pronounced with a long u)?" He then lines it off the second basemen's chest and somehow this all results in Tolbert being thrown out at home. Good call on taking out Crede, ass.
11:28 - I'm really in the mood for some chili. During some of the commercials we put it on a show that is doing a feature on a chili tavern in Seattle. Looks good. I'm making some tomorrow. If you know where I live you can come over and have some.
11:29 - Now that I see the replay, Tolbert is a jackass. He tried to run over the catcher, when he would have had a better chance trying to go around him and hook in like Dawg's guy Randy Bush, especially since his running into the catcher looked like a Deion Sanders tackle. I think I hate Matt Tolbert. Of course, Dick's reaction is "Wow, did the ball in the glove ever touch Tolbert, I'm not sure." God you're an ass, Dick.
11:30 - ASSDICK!!
11:31 - Guerrier in for the bottom of the 8th. I am predicting a three run Seattle lead after this inning.
11:33 - Beltre hits a weak fly ball which Gomez decides to break back on and can't get back for it. So it's now a single instead of a can-of-corn. Guerrier doesn't get that many people to hit the ball poorly. When he does, you really need to get an out.
11:35 - Double play. I've always been a big Guerrier fan.
11:37 - I've never been a fan of white pizza. I need the red sauce. And fancy toppings aren't really necessary either. Just give me sausage and pepperoni. I mean, I also like olives (green not black, sicko), peppers, and onions, but they aren't necessary. And thin crust, for the love of god thin crust. And I'm not adverse to weird pizza necessarily. I went to some super fancy pants restaurant and we had pizza as an appetizer, but it was goat cheese, bacon, and green apple pizza, and it was good. But for my money, there is nothing better than a thin crust, sausage and pepperoni cut into squares and not from a chain. Let me recommend Donatelli's if you are in the North St Paul type area? Second best pizza ever. I think I'm going to go there tomorrow. Pizza and Chili. I'm so healthy.
11:41 - Yes, we are still watching food shows during the commercials.
11:47 - Span gets tossed trying to steal with Mauer up. Man, the steal is such an awesome weapon. It's so important to get Span to second there with two outs. I mean, what are the odds Mauer would hit the ball in the gap? No way there's a chance at all Span could score from first on anything Mauer could do. Thank god we have Gardy to make all these super smart decisions for us.
11:50 - Hooray for more Guerrier. Also I want to mention once again that Gardy might be the worst game manager of all-time. That attempted steal by Span is simply inexcusable.
11:53 - I don't know how this happens, but Guerrier puts them away 1-2-3. I also don't understand how Mrs. W can be complaining right now because she's out of Michelob Ultra and "has to" drink my Red Stripe. That's like saying you have run out of Mike Redmond at bats and have to play Mauer intsead. And he's up right now, which is probably why I used that as my analogy. I'm not very clever.
11:57 - Roid boy hits it to the wall, but not over. I can't decide if that would have just been a fly out or if he is between cycles and a little weaker right now. Actually he was mostly helped out by Seattle's center fielder who played that fly ball like the helpless kid in little league who loves to play the piano and listens to Mozart but his parents want him to be well-rounded to get into Harvard so they make him play baseball.
11:59 - So that was a double, and then they walk Morneau to get to Kubel. The intentional walk is Mrs. W least favorite thing eve, and she is currently in mid-rant about how dumb and gay and stupid it is and how it should be illegal and I'd write more but Kubel just hit the hell out of the ball and it should have been a 3-run dinger but stupid Gutierrez, who is probably an illegal, made a great catch to rob him. So now we have first and third, one out, and Joe Crede isn't up because instead we have Tolbert. Sounds like a double-play waiting to happen.
12:03 - A suicide squeeze????? A suicide squeeze?????!! Gardy needs to go. This is the worst managing I've ever seen. Oh, they pitched out, so they knew it was coming and Mauer, who was on third, just 90 feet away from scoring with one out, is now out. Stunned. I'm stunned. I've heard people say they were stunned but I didn't really get it until now. What the fuck, gardy? I'm shocked he didn't pinch run for Mauer earlier.
12:05 - Tolbert doubles off the glove the same guy who misplayed Mauer's double earlier, scoring Morneau and giving the Twins the lead. So now they will win and everyone will forget how Gardenhire is the dumbest person in history. (ha ha they ruled it an error go to hell Tolbert)
12:11 - One out. Griffey pinch hitting. He's about to go yard and tie this garbage up.
12:14 - Or not. Two outs. Ichiro up. I kind of want him to get a knock here to extend his hit streak. But not a home run. Plus, if this goes any more innings Mrs. W is going to straight up kick my ass.
12:17 - Struck him out. Good win. Suck it Japan.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Thursday Things (McLouth, Ostertag, Babies, Elaine Benes, Kobe, Idiots)
Just finished up a nice meal on the grill (steaks, corn-on-the-cob, baked beans), WonderbabyTM is in bed, and I'm kicking back with a couple of Red Stripes, ready to watch the NBA Finals (for as long as Mrs. W will let me get away with it) and toss up a few observations and what not.
- My all-star ballot:
AMERICAN
C Joe Mauer
1b Justin Morneau
2b Ian Kinsler
3b Evan Longoria
ss Jason Bartlett (this one stings a bit)
of Adam Jones
of Nelson Cruz
of Carl Crawford
NATIONAL
c Brian McCann
1b Albert Pujols
2b Chase Utley
3b Ryan Zimmerman
ss Miguel Tejada
of Raul Ibanez
of Justin Upton
of Carlos Beltran
And I don't have a single one of these guys on either of my fantasy teams. Yippee. God I suck.
- Since we're talking about baseball here, let's talk about this Nate McLouth trade and how little of it I really understand. In case you missed it, the perpetually financially strapped and non-competitive Pittsburgh Pirates traded their best player, third-year outfielder Nate McLouth, to the Braves for three prospects. Normally you'd just say this is a case of the have-nots trading to the haves and trying to reload. But this is gets curiouser and curiouser the more you look at it.
First off, McLouth is not an old all-star on his last legs. He's just 27, and is in just his third season. Last year he hit .276/.356/.497 (an OPS+ of 126, equivalent to Kubel so far this year) with 26 homers, 23 steals, and a league leading 46 doubles. He's putting up very similar numbers again this year, so he doesn't look like a one-year wonder.
Even more, he's not that expensive. McLouth is on the hook for the next 3 years at just $13 million after signing an extension with the Pirates in February. Basically the Pirates agreed to pay him that money in February, and then after he played exactly as expected, they traded him away just 3.5 months later. And he's only scheduled to make $2 million this year (then $4.5 and $6.5) so it's not like there was a lot of urgency to get that money off the books. Why now? Why not wait until the trade deadline when team's are ready to pay higher premiums for players? Or next year? It makes zero sense.
Lastly, the package the Pirates got back was subpar, and described by the Pirates GM himself as "Three players who could become above average players someday." Not exactly glowing praise. They got back outfielder Gorkys Hernandez and pitchers Charlie Morton and Jeff Locke. Hernandez is the "jewel" here the same way Bernard Berrian is the "jewel" of the Vikings' wideouts - more "meh" than anything else. He's a no power, speedy, excellent defender with zero batting eye (sounds familiar) who was ranked the #8 prospect in the Braves system, with Locke coming in at #10 and Morton unranked in the top 40, and in his fifteen starts with the Braves last year he put up numbers nearly identical to Liriano so far this season, but without the strikeouts and might very well be a classic AAAA player.
Essentially, the Pirates traded a young, talented, cheap player for a handful of mediocre two years before he would be a financial issue. Seriously, it looks like the Pirates could have the budget of the Yankees and still suck. Not even Bill Smith is this shitty.
- You know who isn't shitty? My guys Denard Span and Jason Kubel combined for three home runs and seven rbi today to help kick the crap out of Cleveland 11-3. Seriously, those two are the best players on the team by far. Canucks and Roid-heads are ineligible.
- You know what I love about Mrs. W? Every time we watch basketball together when she sees a big dumb white guy she always asks, "Oh, is that their Ostertag?" She knows almost nothing about basketball, but always remembers that. I laugh every time. (This time it was Gasol. I don't think he qualifies. Dumb enough and ugly enough, but slightly too skilled).
- Ha Ha! Kobe missed. Jackass.
- Twice!
- Jameer Nelson is back. There's a guy I never thought would become much of an NBA player, but once again my eye for talent is surpassed only by Bogart, he of the Troy Williamson worship. Downside to Nelson back is we'll get less Skip 2 My Lou.
- Speaking of Bogart, I just poured myself a Cranberry & Vodka (with Lime) in honor of Wonderbaby's future husband's birth. That's right, little Baby Bogart arrived yesterday in Chicago, weighing in at 8 lbs. and 6 oz, ready to start his journey towards eventually becoming my (rich) son-in-law. Since Wonder Woman once had a little thing with Superman, I have decided that Baby Bogart will henceforth also be known as, SuperbabyTM.
- Uh oh, looks like Lamar Odom decided to actually try tonight. Magic in trouble (even though they're winning).
- Ok, so there's a trailer for a romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Normally romantic comedies are the suck, and Sandra Bullock is really annoying, but Ryan Reynolds is the freakin' man and makes anything good - including that other romantic comedy he was in with that chick from Wedding Crashers. So do I let Mama W drag me to it or not? Decisions, decisions.
- FYI - last night at 2am my Tivo recorded a movie called "Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy." I don't know when I'll get to it, but I'll get to it.
- Tobey McGuire is there!! Sweet!!! And he's sitting with Kevin Connolly!!! The star power is amazing!!! (NOTE: I have no idea who Kevin Connolly is)
- Hedo Turkoglu was the 16th overall pick the year he came out? I guess that's about right. Actually, now that I look it up, he was a top 10 player from that draft, along with Kenyon Martin, Jamaal Magloire, Michael Redd, Jamal Crawford, Mike Miller, Quentin Richardson, Joel Pryzbilla, Eduardo Najera, and Eddie House. Top ten picks Stromile Swift, Marcus Fizer, Darius Miles, and DerMarr Johnson sure worked out well.
- Did you know Kobe Bryant likes to have buttsecks with Pau Gasol? I'm not kidding. I've seen it.
- I've been watching a lot of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" lately. I think I'm falling in love with Elaine Benes (no relation to Andy. or Alan) all over again.
- NOTE: Courtney Lee, as much as I liked him at Western Kentucky, cannot guard Kobe Bryant, aka The Rapisttm. By the way, I'd bet anything Bogart is a huge Kobe fan. Jesus, I really hope SuperBabyTM doesn't get Bogart's eye for talent. I don't think WonderBabyTM could handle that. I know I couldn't. If you take idiocy to a second generation, it's like idiocy2.
- 18 point Laker lead. This shit got lame faster than Jumper. Dwight Howard is the Al Nolen of centers, and they have no chance at stopping Kobe. This finals is going to suck, and my least favorite player ever is going to win another ring, except this one without Shaq which will cause morons like the Sports Guy to say things like, "Kobe is now the third best shooting guard in the history of the NBA." God that guy sucks now. Sports Guy, I mean, not Kobe. Kobe is like the third best guard in NBA history.
- Remember Matt Wieters? The next Joe Mauer, but with power (so like Mauer now that he is on roids)? He's really made a big splash since being called up on May 29th. A stellar 7-21 with five strikeouts and one walk. I know, small sample size and actually his overall stat profile is fine, but I like to make snap judgements. It's easier. That's probably why most people think I'm racist and sexist, but I just think it saves time. And I'm usually right. If not, oh well, I'm sure the jury will acquit.
- Randy Johnson got his 300th win today, which has set off an obnoxious spurt of morons with columns like, "Last 300-game winner ever" and "The End of the 300-win club?" Relax, idiots. There will always be 300 game winners. You realize there are only 24 people who have won 300 games? And four have them have done it in years that end begin with the number 2. That's one-sixth. That's a disproportionate amount based on how long baseball has existed. So settle down, idiots.
- My all-star ballot:
AMERICAN
C Joe Mauer
1b Justin Morneau
2b Ian Kinsler
3b Evan Longoria
ss Jason Bartlett (this one stings a bit)
of Adam Jones
of Nelson Cruz
of Carl Crawford
NATIONAL
c Brian McCann
1b Albert Pujols
2b Chase Utley
3b Ryan Zimmerman
ss Miguel Tejada
of Raul Ibanez
of Justin Upton
of Carlos Beltran
And I don't have a single one of these guys on either of my fantasy teams. Yippee. God I suck.
- Since we're talking about baseball here, let's talk about this Nate McLouth trade and how little of it I really understand. In case you missed it, the perpetually financially strapped and non-competitive Pittsburgh Pirates traded their best player, third-year outfielder Nate McLouth, to the Braves for three prospects. Normally you'd just say this is a case of the have-nots trading to the haves and trying to reload. But this is gets curiouser and curiouser the more you look at it.
First off, McLouth is not an old all-star on his last legs. He's just 27, and is in just his third season. Last year he hit .276/.356/.497 (an OPS+ of 126, equivalent to Kubel so far this year) with 26 homers, 23 steals, and a league leading 46 doubles. He's putting up very similar numbers again this year, so he doesn't look like a one-year wonder.
Even more, he's not that expensive. McLouth is on the hook for the next 3 years at just $13 million after signing an extension with the Pirates in February. Basically the Pirates agreed to pay him that money in February, and then after he played exactly as expected, they traded him away just 3.5 months later. And he's only scheduled to make $2 million this year (then $4.5 and $6.5) so it's not like there was a lot of urgency to get that money off the books. Why now? Why not wait until the trade deadline when team's are ready to pay higher premiums for players? Or next year? It makes zero sense.
Lastly, the package the Pirates got back was subpar, and described by the Pirates GM himself as "Three players who could become above average players someday." Not exactly glowing praise. They got back outfielder Gorkys Hernandez and pitchers Charlie Morton and Jeff Locke. Hernandez is the "jewel" here the same way Bernard Berrian is the "jewel" of the Vikings' wideouts - more "meh" than anything else. He's a no power, speedy, excellent defender with zero batting eye (sounds familiar) who was ranked the #8 prospect in the Braves system, with Locke coming in at #10 and Morton unranked in the top 40, and in his fifteen starts with the Braves last year he put up numbers nearly identical to Liriano so far this season, but without the strikeouts and might very well be a classic AAAA player.
Essentially, the Pirates traded a young, talented, cheap player for a handful of mediocre two years before he would be a financial issue. Seriously, it looks like the Pirates could have the budget of the Yankees and still suck. Not even Bill Smith is this shitty.
- You know who isn't shitty? My guys Denard Span and Jason Kubel combined for three home runs and seven rbi today to help kick the crap out of Cleveland 11-3. Seriously, those two are the best players on the team by far. Canucks and Roid-heads are ineligible.
- You know what I love about Mrs. W? Every time we watch basketball together when she sees a big dumb white guy she always asks, "Oh, is that their Ostertag?" She knows almost nothing about basketball, but always remembers that. I laugh every time. (This time it was Gasol. I don't think he qualifies. Dumb enough and ugly enough, but slightly too skilled).
- Ha Ha! Kobe missed. Jackass.
- Twice!
- Jameer Nelson is back. There's a guy I never thought would become much of an NBA player, but once again my eye for talent is surpassed only by Bogart, he of the Troy Williamson worship. Downside to Nelson back is we'll get less Skip 2 My Lou.
- Speaking of Bogart, I just poured myself a Cranberry & Vodka (with Lime) in honor of Wonderbaby's future husband's birth. That's right, little Baby Bogart arrived yesterday in Chicago, weighing in at 8 lbs. and 6 oz, ready to start his journey towards eventually becoming my (rich) son-in-law. Since Wonder Woman once had a little thing with Superman, I have decided that Baby Bogart will henceforth also be known as, SuperbabyTM.
- Uh oh, looks like Lamar Odom decided to actually try tonight. Magic in trouble (even though they're winning).
- Ok, so there's a trailer for a romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Normally romantic comedies are the suck, and Sandra Bullock is really annoying, but Ryan Reynolds is the freakin' man and makes anything good - including that other romantic comedy he was in with that chick from Wedding Crashers. So do I let Mama W drag me to it or not? Decisions, decisions.
- FYI - last night at 2am my Tivo recorded a movie called "Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy." I don't know when I'll get to it, but I'll get to it.
- Tobey McGuire is there!! Sweet!!! And he's sitting with Kevin Connolly!!! The star power is amazing!!! (NOTE: I have no idea who Kevin Connolly is)
- Hedo Turkoglu was the 16th overall pick the year he came out? I guess that's about right. Actually, now that I look it up, he was a top 10 player from that draft, along with Kenyon Martin, Jamaal Magloire, Michael Redd, Jamal Crawford, Mike Miller, Quentin Richardson, Joel Pryzbilla, Eduardo Najera, and Eddie House. Top ten picks Stromile Swift, Marcus Fizer, Darius Miles, and DerMarr Johnson sure worked out well.
- Did you know Kobe Bryant likes to have buttsecks with Pau Gasol? I'm not kidding. I've seen it.
- I've been watching a lot of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" lately. I think I'm falling in love with Elaine Benes (no relation to Andy. or Alan) all over again.
- NOTE: Courtney Lee, as much as I liked him at Western Kentucky, cannot guard Kobe Bryant, aka The Rapisttm. By the way, I'd bet anything Bogart is a huge Kobe fan. Jesus, I really hope SuperBabyTM doesn't get Bogart's eye for talent. I don't think WonderBabyTM could handle that. I know I couldn't. If you take idiocy to a second generation, it's like idiocy2.
- 18 point Laker lead. This shit got lame faster than Jumper. Dwight Howard is the Al Nolen of centers, and they have no chance at stopping Kobe. This finals is going to suck, and my least favorite player ever is going to win another ring, except this one without Shaq which will cause morons like the Sports Guy to say things like, "Kobe is now the third best shooting guard in the history of the NBA." God that guy sucks now. Sports Guy, I mean, not Kobe. Kobe is like the third best guard in NBA history.
- Remember Matt Wieters? The next Joe Mauer, but with power (so like Mauer now that he is on roids)? He's really made a big splash since being called up on May 29th. A stellar 7-21 with five strikeouts and one walk. I know, small sample size and actually his overall stat profile is fine, but I like to make snap judgements. It's easier. That's probably why most people think I'm racist and sexist, but I just think it saves time. And I'm usually right. If not, oh well, I'm sure the jury will acquit.
- Randy Johnson got his 300th win today, which has set off an obnoxious spurt of morons with columns like, "Last 300-game winner ever" and "The End of the 300-win club?" Relax, idiots. There will always be 300 game winners. You realize there are only 24 people who have won 300 games? And four have them have done it in years that end begin with the number 2. That's one-sixth. That's a disproportionate amount based on how long baseball has existed. So settle down, idiots.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
What's up with Franky L.?
I'm back. Sorry about no drunk blogging from Philly, folks, but it was our national sales conference which essentially means meetings all day, a very short break, and then a drinks/dinner/reception/event in the evening (with free booze all night) and not getting back to the room until after midnight.
There wasn't really much to report anyway. Due to the economy, there wasn't much in the way of gifts (at the last three (two different companies) we had gotten an i-pod, an i-pod speaker system, and a digital picture frame and this year we got a company logo'd t-shirt) and nothing in the way of events (in the passed we've hung out at the rose bowl, warner brothers studio, sea world, and a Phillies game and this year we never left the hotel). It wasn't a bad trip. I had one of the best dinners ever one night (crab legs, grilled prawns, grilled asparagus with olive oil and sea salt, risotto, lamb chops, jerk chicken with tiramisu, bread pudding, and creme brulet for dessert). It was absolutely fantastic. I also had a conversation with three black people - at the same time - one night. So all-in-all a pretty good trip.
Unfortunately when I returned to the airport and got to my car I found it had been keyed. My car got freakin' keyed. A lot. And it's not like it stands out, it's a freakin' Mazda Protege for god's sake. But sure enough, there it was, a whole shit load of key marks all over the spoiler (don't ask me why there's a spoiler, the car was Dr. Acula's first, ask him). What the hell? It makes no sense. Like Vince Vega said, "There's nothing more chickenshit than effing with a man's automobile." Suck. Anyway, on to the important issue - What's up with Francisco Liriano?
After that incredible first season, the injury and surgery, and disastrous start to last year, he finally seemed to have figured it out in the last two months of last season going 6-1 with an ERA of 2.74 and a WHIP of 1.19 after being called back up in August. Now all of a sudden, *BOOM*, he's blowing up (the bad kind).
After his last disaster of an outing, his third straight with just four innings pitched, Liriano is now posting an ERA of 6.60, a WHIP of 1.62, and the all-important record of 2-7.
Basically we are looking at bad news all-around. His strikeout rate is the lowest it's ever been (7.7 k/9 vs. 7.9 last year) while his walk rate is the highest he's ever posted (4.3 bb/9 vs. 3.8). It continues to get ugly. His opponent's batting average is a career high (.288 vs .257), and he's giving up the most home runs in his career (1.4 HR/9 vs. 0.8). He's giving up more line drives (21% vs. 18% LY) and less ground balls (38% vs. 42%) - these are both bad - and a higher percentage of the fly balls he allows are leaving the yard (12% vs. 8%).
I keep trying to find a silver lining here, but there's nothing. Batters are swinging at fewer pitches out of the zone (25.5% vs. 27.5%) but making more contact, both outside the zone (55% vs. 50%) and overall (78.6% vs. 75.5%). His Batting-average-on-balls-in-play is higher than average at .334, but he's always been a bit high (.313 LY) and a higher number is to be expected with that many line drives given up. He's given up more than four runs in a game just as often as given up less than four (4 vs. 4).
If you want to grasp at something, grasp at these two things:
1. He was masterful in the May 3rd game against Detroit, going 8 1/3 innings and giving up just two runs and four hits to go against 8 strikeouts.
2. He isn't throwing his changeup. This year he throws the changeup just 14% of the time. Last year he threw it 20%, and in his super stud year he threw it on 19% of his pitches. Maybe he just needs to get back to the change up? Although looking further maybe not. In his good starts he's thrown it just 17.4%, 10.6%, 12.5%, and 8.1% of the time.
Seriously? I think he's done. He's absolutely getting shelled out there, and there's nothing in the numbers - or watching him - to suggest it's a temporary setback. If he has another poor outing on Friday night he's going to lose his spot in the rotation with the return of Perkins and the emergence of Swarzak. Whether it's to AAA or to the bullpen, I don't think he'll recover, not a third time. He may develop into a good setup guy, although his strikeout rate isn't as high as I'd like for that anymore.
Sorry kids. Francisco Liriano is the next Lindsay Lohan. The bright shining star who everybody wants to bone one minute, a complete trainwreck starring in direct-to-video features the next. Both cases incredibly sad. What could have been?
Monday, June 1, 2009
All Time Fantasy Baseball Draft.....NERDS!
A few of DWG’s platinum members recently took a trip. In complete nerd fashion they performed an "All Time" fantasy baseball draft to kill time while driving. We had a few rules for our draft. #1, We could only draft players from our generation (we deemed this to be 1986 to the present). #2, Steroids, Cocaine, Aids, DWI’s, Rape and Locker Room behavior could not be held against a player. We just wanted to assemble the best on field teams. #3, A one season wonder (i.e. Brady Anderson) could be drafted but their entire career is what they would be judged on. #4, The draft had to be completed prior to reaching our destination. After that no moves could be made to the rosters. #5, We drafted one player from each position, 3 starting pitchers, 2 relievers and a bench player. #6, The draft was performed in snake fashion (1st pick in draft gets last pick in 2nd round). The first 4 picks of the draft where #1, B Bonds, #2 Griffey, #3 R. Clemens and #4 R. Henderson.I now present the results of the 2009 Nerd Fantasy Baseball Draft so DWG readers can vote on which team they believe is the best.
Team #1
C- I. Rodriguez
1B- A. Pujols
2B- M. Young
SS- Ozzie Smith
3B- E. Longoria
OF- Rickey Henderson
OF- Joe Carter
OF- C. Beltran
DH- J. Thome
Bench-David Justice
SP- Doc Gooden
SP- J. Smoltz
SP- Nolan Ryan
RE- T. Hoffman
RE- F. Rodriguez
Team #2
C- J. Mauer
1B- M. McGwire
2B- R. Sandberg
SS- Hanley Ramirez
3B- G. Brett
OF- T. Gwynn
OF- K. Puckett
OF- V. Guerrero
DH- C. Fielder
Bench- R. Yount
SP- R. Clemens
SP- K. Schilling
SP- R. Halladay
RE- L. Smith
RE- J. Papplebon
Team #3
C- Gary Carter
1B- D. Mattingly
2B- C. Utley
SS- C. Ripken
3B- W. Boggs
OF- K. Griffey
OF- Manny Ramirez
OF- S. Sosa
DH- Ryan Howard
Bench- P. Molitar
SP- J. Santana
SP- G. Maddux
SP- Randy Johnson
RE- M. Rivera
RE- G. Gossage
Team #4
C- M. Piazza
1B- T. Helton
2B- R. Alomar
SS- A. Rod
3B- Chipper Jones
OF- J. Gonzalez
OF- T. Raines
OF- B. Bonds
DH- Frank Thomas
Bench- Larry Walker
SP- Pedro Martinez
SP- B. Saberhagen
SP- M. Mussina
RE- D. Eckersley
RE- B. Thigpen
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I'm All a Rage (Movie Live Blog)
Raging over Raging Sharks that is, the latest piece I picked up off of Tivo in my quest to find a fourth shark movie that doesn't suck (Jaws, Jaws 2, and Spring Break Shark Attack are the other three). I don't have high hopes because it's damn near impossible to find a good shark movie, and yet, here I am once again, drinking and watching shark movies. Is this heaven?
- I'm more than a bit confused here, because we are starting this movie in space. Yes, space. There is a space ship that looks suspiciously like the Tantive IV (the one Leia is on at the beginning of Star Wars) that appears to be docking with some other space ship/space station. And I just saw some aliens. Since I haven't seen any titles yet, I'm going to assume Sci Fi lied to me and this is actually some other movie, since I can't imagine any way possible starting a shark movie in space can end well.
- The two outer space things crash, sending a piece of one of them careening off into the depths of space. Somehow I bet whatever it is ends up on earth and does something to sharks (makes them rage, perhaps) and makes me want to track down and kill whoever wrote this garbage.
- We have confirmation - this is actually Raging Sharks, and it did, indeed, start in outer space. I had no fair warning. Here's the plot summary: "White Sharks terrorize underwater researches and a group of divers in the Pacific Ocean." Nothing in there about outer space sharks or whatever. You should probably warn people about that kind of thing.
- Incidentally, this movie stars three people I have heard of, Corin Nemec - although I don't know why I know his name, Corbin Bernsen - Roger Dorn of Major League fame, and Vanessa Angel - who played that superfly honey from Kingpin. You remember her:
- I just looked her up, and it seems Ms. Angel also starred with Sawyer from Lost in something called Sabretooth, which is about a scientist who recreates a Sabretooth Tiger from old DNA, which then escapes and starts killing people. A rip-off of Jurassic Park? Yes. And yet, here I am, searching the TV Guide to see if it's on any time soon.
- Whatever it is that fell into the ocean has drawn a bunch of sharks to hang out around some underwater research base on the ocean floor. I have a feeling these sharks may start raging soon, and cause a problem. And, shocker of shockers, there is a storm a-brewing so the workers are now trapped in the base and can't get to the surface.
- Note: Vanessa Angel had a lot of work done on her face, and now exhibits the facial range of R2-D2. That's two Star Wars references, damn. I will say this though, Angel and Nemec guy have some actual acting chops. That already puts this movie light years ahead of Megalodon, the actors of which I'm fairly certain were plucked right off the street - and not the streets of Hollywood, the streets of like, Fort Worth.
- By the way, Clint Hurdle got canned. That should make our very own Rockies Guy pretty happy. Maybe Helton will be traded next.
- There's a couple of jackasses who swam out to fix something. I feel like we're going to finally get some shark action. Yep, two dead divers. And guess what? You're not going to believe this, but the shark roared. Again. The shark roared again. I think that makes four shark movies I've live blogged on here now, and in every single god damn one the idiots make the shark roar. It doesn't make any sense. Watch Jaws, that's pretty suspenseful and scary, and they didn't have to add any fake noises to their already terrifying apex predator. That would be like writing a movie where a Lion was killing people, but changing the roar so that instead before it strikes the Lion just yells, "HEY MOTHA FUCKA!!!"
- Now the shark bit some electrical cable for some unknown reason - whilst roaring of course. Actually I think there's two sharks. Both raging. and both roaring. And that electrical cable was their communication cable, so now they are CUT OFF FROM THE OUTSIDE. Bad deal, Kingpin lady.
- Ok I looked it up and the reason I know this Corin Nemec dude is because he was Parker Lewis on that old TV Show "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" which was basically Ferris Bueller's Day Off but on television and was an ok show. Anyway, he's some science guy and Kingpin lady is his wife, only she's trapped on the underwater base and he's somehow on the mainland but I don't know how because I wasn't paying attention.
- Holy effin' crap, Roger Dorn is playing a submarine captain. That's pretty damn hilarious. Also the sub he's captaining is a military sub, and apparently they are sending it down to the undersea base to deal with the shark attack. I wasn't aware they called the military in for that now.
- Dorn's orders to his sub pilot or driver or whatever: "Maximum Depth, Maximum Angle." That's what she said.
- I just looked up the guy who wrote this, and you'll never guess what else he wrote? Sharks in Venice. For realsies. If you remember that one, it was ambitious but horrible. Considering this one started in outer space, I'm guessing it will be more of the same. But Shark movies don't have to be complex. Jaws and Jaws 2 were about a shark that was simply attacking people near a resort beach because it had found fertile feeding ground. Spring Break Shark Attack was about tiger sharks that had been pulled too close to a beach by a new, artificial reef that was put in and all the prey fish that came with it. Simple. Realistic-ish. No roaring. Jaws didn't even bother with tossing in a hot chick and it's still a top 10 movie of all-time. Just keep it simple. Sharks are naturally awesome, you don't have to get cute and full of plot twists.
- Oh, and Spring Break Shark Attack's main female star was Shannon Lucio from the O.C. I like her:
- Man, these sharks sure are raging. Another diver down.
- Kingpin lady and some hot blonde with pigtails have figured out that the Great Whites are hunting in a school, and then discuss how that is not normal for Great Whites. An actual true fact. I don't want to go through all the other shark movie live blogs, but I'm almost positive that's the first scientifically sound plot point in any of them.
- And right on cue some dopey scientist type comes in and says, "Those orange particles we found? There's nothing like them on Earth." So basically this orange substance takes solitary loner creatures and makes them more social. I think Bear could use a little of this.
- Now the raging school of sharks just attacked a float plane (+ diver) when it landed on the water. Just like in Jaws 2. Man, the originality in this one so far is stunning - outside of the genius use of outer space substances and aliens, of course.
- This is awesome. Now, instead of waiting for help, the Kingpin lady is yelling at her poor foreign mechanic guy that he needs to go outside the undersea lab and fix whatever it is that is wrong with it. He's like, "there are sharks out there and I have three kids" and she's all like, "You're a coward." So basically there have been four people in the water in this movie and all four have been killed by the raging, mutated school of sharks, but she thinks this father of three is a coward because he doesn't want to play russian roulette with a loaded gun full of sharks. Mixed metaphor aside, she's quite the bitch. This is kind of how I'd imagine Marge Schott ran the Reds.
- Maassive attack on the local beach, at least five surfers dead. Of course, they'd probably be dead anyway because surfing is really damn stupid. I've said it before and I'll say it again - when you surf you look like a seal from below. Sharks love to eat seals. Ergo, if you surf, you will die. This movie proves it.
- Roger Dorn is PISSED at Parker Lewis. Dorn's sub is now surrounded by Raging SharksTM, and he's got a mad face on, blaming Parker for "crazy experiments." Also we've just been informed that the sub doesn't have the ability to evacuate an undersea lab. The sub that the navy sent to check out the problems at an undersea lab doesn't have the ability to evacuate an undersea lab. I don't know. I put that as a pretty high priority. If I was sending a sub to check out a problem at an undersea lab, my priority list would go:
1. Doesn't fill up with water or explode upon contact with water.
2. Can evacuate an undersea lab.
3. Full bar.
- Parker Lewis is swimming for some reason that I didn't quite catch because I was in mid-rant. And they are playing some crazy classical music to enhance the drama. It's a solid effort. It kind of sounds like O Fortuna from Cramina Burana (and many, many commercials and movies) but a lot shittier. Anyway, he's out there with some navy escort guy and the sharks spotted them and now there's a lot of roaring and horrible camera work and somehow they both made it. The music led me to believe that they would not. I feel cheated. I'm thirsty for blood.
- Speaking of blood, have you seen the trailers for "Drag Me to Hell?" God that movie looks Effed up. The trailer alone scares me. I can't wait to see, plus I dig that chick (Alison Lohman).
- Ok, so actually the navy escort guy is some kind of marine research cop guy who is there to check and see if this project has been up to safety code and if not shut them down. Hot pig-tailed blonde is unhappy about this development.
- ALARUM!!!! ALARUM!!!!! Somehow the submarine is on fire. Repeat, the submarine is on fire. Apparently somehow or other due to the raging, socially well-adjusted sharks. So that means this sub failed both #1 and #2 on my priority list. I think it's clear that I should be in charge of the Navy. First order of business: Destroy Wisconsin.
- There is now only one hour of oxygen remaining in the undersea lab. The only way to get more is for someone to out in the water and turn the valve on. Kingpin chick, "Well we know it won't be Harvey (the mechanic with three kids who, oddly enough, doesn't want to go in the water with a bunch of killing (and raging) sharks)." His response, "What?" Her response, "We know you're a chicken shit." What the hell is with this chick?
- OMG. Then Parker Lewis (her husband in this) says, "Fine I'll do it" and she says, "No, it's too dangerous." She is either the most evil character ever written, or the most realistic.
- FYI guys, you can get a bigger schwanz if you go to ExtenZe.com. According to the totally believable couple on the commercial, it makes both the dude and the chick happier, and you'll have more sex. Plus, you know, a bigger crank. ($20 says The Todd has already ordered this.)
- I almost don't even notice the roaring anymore. Thanks stupid shark movies, you have now sapped my strength to fight scientific inaccuracy. Damn you to hell.
- Have you read any of this Twilight garbage? It's basically 350 pages of teenage angst, with three pages of Vampire/Werewolf action thrown in. And yet, I just finished the second one and, slowly but surely, I would bet you I read the last two just so I know what happens and what has every female from age 13-65 all a twitter. F my life.
- The little two man submersible Parker Lewis and the marine cop was attacked and ripped to shreds. Cop guy dead, other guy trapped hiding in a reef. Good news is now they want Roger Dorn to fire a torpedo to disperse the sharks so he can get out and turn on the oxygen valve and then get back into the lab. This sounds brilliant.
- FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
- I think the Torpedo just roared.
- Direct hit on a shark, which vaporized, and I'm assuming it was a nuclear torpedo because the blast radius on that sucker would have taken out Hiroshima - again (and it's probably about time, too. They're getting awful uppity). Shark bits are floating all through the water, but naturally Parker Lewis survived. Because he can't lose, you see. It feels like the end, but the Tivo tells me there are fifty minutes left of this. I'm so tired.
- Oh I see. There were so many raging (and roaring) sharks in the school that a lot of them just ran away from the torpedo and now they're coming back. And Parker found the alien canister full of magic socialization liquid, and now they only have ten minutes left of air. Tensions are high. Repeat, tensions are high.
- Ha ha. Remember that dude who was a mechanic and the father of three who Kingpin chick kept trying to get to go swimming with the fishes? He stole the mini-sub from the lab and drove away to the surface, essentially saving himself and dooming the other people. Of course, they didn't bother to think of the mini-sub (which looks like it would fit all six people left). Geniuses I tells ya.
- Oops, now the mini sub is getting battered by the sharks, and movies never reward
- Yep, he's dead now. Tis a blimmin' shame. He was a brave lad.
- Scientist "Styles" has run some tests on the unknown goo and determined it to be Hydrogen Isotopes charged with thermal neutrons - stable cold fusion fuel. I'm almost positive these are nothing but buzz words thrown together to sound fancy. Hydrogen isotopes are all over the earth, and you can't really charge anything with neutrons because they don't have a charge. At least they have determined it's from outer space. Of course, there's really no reason it would cause Great White Sharks to shrug off years of genetically programmed solitude and suddenly become aggressive, raging pack hunters, but whatever. I know facts aren't important here.
- Styles just got killed by some guy with a knife to the back. And now Roger Dorn just radioed and said that guy's boss has never heard of him. And now he has a machine gun from somewhere, and says he's black ops (DIA!) and tells them they have stumbled into a restricted area and now they will have to die. This movie was pretty bad already, but this plot point just went ahead and took a gigantic dump all over the small amount of dignity this movie had.
- I'm so confused right now. The "black ops" guy has now been ambushed twiced, once by some guy I don't think I've even seen before and then again by Kingpin chick. He's stalking the living people around the undersea lab trying to get the cold fusion thing back I think. I'm not sure who is alive or dead. I also don't know why everything seems to be on fire. And some scary looking chick who I don't remember even seeing before just drown. This thing just needs to end.
- "Black Ops" guy just got ambushed again, this time by Parker Lewis. Christ, if an elite military guy can't avoid three ambushes in fifteen minutes by civilians, what does our regular military do? It's a wonder we don't have tanks blowing each other up.
- You know what I really hate? When I pick a guy like Steve Stricker in fantasy golf early in the week, but then by the time I finalize my group I end up taking him out and then he jumps out to a big lead and is currently leading after three rounds (ok he's actually tied for second but he was in first earlier today).
- I watched Fanboys last night. The movie about Star Wars fans who try to break into Skywalker Ranch to watch the Phantom Menace early because one of their friends has cancer. Good not great. If you are a gigantic Star Wars dork (see Tantive IV reference earlier) like I am, there are a lot of really good in-jokes and references you'll like. If you aren't, like Mrs. W, you don't really need to watch it. You'll chuckle here and there but you won't really enjoy it like a true Star Wars nerd will - Snake you will like it. Can you tell I'm doing everything I can to not pay attention to this crappy shark movie? Maybe I need to just stop doing this.
- He just got ambushed a fourth time, again by Parker Lewis. This dude is lucky nobody has any idea how to finish the job, since they can apparently get the drop on him at will. He's no Stephen Seagal in Under Siege, I'll tell you that much. Perfect opportunity for an Erika Eleniak reference here, but I feel like I've already put too many pictures in here as it is. Google is your friend.
- Did you know Under Siege is the highest grossing movie ever that was not screened for critics? True Story.
- The killed the black ops guy. He was about to chop off Parker's head with an axe but Kingpin lady shot him in the back with a harpoon. He's dead. And we haven't seen a shark in like twenty minutes, roaring, raging, or otherwise. This is crap.
- The guy and the girl are the only two still alive, and they are trapped in a burning lab with no way out and almost no oxygen left, and are huddled up in a corner talking about their feelings more than the characters in those stupid Twilight books. This movie sure got gay in a hurry.
- Oh christ, the aliens just showed up. Now their stupid space ship is in the ocean, and it just deployed some alien guy who somehow got into the lab to get his cold fusion crap back while church music plays in the background. And the aliens look like Predators but they unfortunately don't kill anyone. Yet.
- The aliens used their "powers" to somehow teleport the two not only out of the lab and into the water, but in full scuba suits as well. And, of course, they get picked up by Dorn and his sub. Seriously? That's how you're going to wrap this up? Seriously?
- After a somewhat interesting middle part this movie sure went to crap in a hurry. Aliens, no sharks in the last half hour, and an inexplicable ending that comes from the school of, "Oh crap, I have no idea how to end this. Let's just do something miraculous and set it to angelic type music and maybe people will buy it because they are so distracted by our awesome sharks." Ugh. I might have to retire from doing this. I swear to you I didn't make any of this up.
- Off to Philadelphia tomorrow. I have no idea if I will have time to check in here or not. I'll let you know.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Super Sioux Fan Has Some Words For You
A Women's Hockey Update? Oh joy!
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Women's hockey: Lamoureuxs hammer out details for transfer to UND
Oh yes......the most exciting thing to EVER happen in girls hockey. The Lammy twins are going back to their roots transfering back to the most beautiful city on earth, Grand Forks, ND.
Okay so I know that no one give a shit about girls hockey and I know that most of you dont give shit about regular hockey but this is the closest thing to Hockey talk that I have. And without Hockey posts and WWW's Shark Attack movie reviews....I would NEVER repeat NEVER read this blog. Sorry....it is true, I have to listen to Dawg argue stupid points all day every day. Yes you can feel sorry for me, no wonder I am such an angry Bitch who hates Jews.
The girls apparently SHOCKED their coach when they asked for their scholorship to be lifted. To be honest that fact that they actually would stab their family in the back and go to Minnesota should have been the real shocker but why am I not surprised.
They will not be eligible to play next season but they will more then likely playing in the 2010 Olympics. Honestly I know these girls.....well I knew these girls. We used to throw shot put, discus and Javelin on a throwing team in GF and they used to wear berets...so personally I have always thought they sucked. Then when they signed with Minnesota I knew they sucked. But now I must say they suck much less. I would imagine being the 3rd and 4th top players in the game and only being freshman that UND has pretty much got it in the bag for quite a few seasons to come offically making it Hockey Town, USA.
Ps. I only posted this because Snacks told me it would be awesome and that he looked forward to it during a facebook chat yesterday. Yes, I facebook chat at work. My job sucks more dick then The Todd. He also confirmed that El Todd is scared shitless of me. Todd you have never been more smart.
Also Mrs. Snacks is STILL not a lesbian and STILL not into "baby's mama's"........suck
Suck dick Bitches.
Siouxper Sioux Fan
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Thanks again Mama Dawger, you are always entertaining. Although it makes me very nervous and concerned that you and Snacks are chatting away on facebook. Watch your back Mrs. Snacks.
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Women's hockey: Lamoureuxs hammer out details for transfer to UND
Oh yes......the most exciting thing to EVER happen in girls hockey. The Lammy twins are going back to their roots transfering back to the most beautiful city on earth, Grand Forks, ND.
Okay so I know that no one give a shit about girls hockey and I know that most of you dont give shit about regular hockey but this is the closest thing to Hockey talk that I have. And without Hockey posts and WWW's Shark Attack movie reviews....I would NEVER repeat NEVER read this blog. Sorry....it is true, I have to listen to Dawg argue stupid points all day every day. Yes you can feel sorry for me, no wonder I am such an angry Bitch who hates Jews.
The girls apparently SHOCKED their coach when they asked for their scholorship to be lifted. To be honest that fact that they actually would stab their family in the back and go to Minnesota should have been the real shocker but why am I not surprised.
They will not be eligible to play next season but they will more then likely playing in the 2010 Olympics. Honestly I know these girls.....well I knew these girls. We used to throw shot put, discus and Javelin on a throwing team in GF and they used to wear berets...so personally I have always thought they sucked. Then when they signed with Minnesota I knew they sucked. But now I must say they suck much less. I would imagine being the 3rd and 4th top players in the game and only being freshman that UND has pretty much got it in the bag for quite a few seasons to come offically making it Hockey Town, USA.
Ps. I only posted this because Snacks told me it would be awesome and that he looked forward to it during a facebook chat yesterday. Yes, I facebook chat at work. My job sucks more dick then The Todd. He also confirmed that El Todd is scared shitless of me. Todd you have never been more smart.
Also Mrs. Snacks is STILL not a lesbian and STILL not into "baby's mama's"........suck
Suck dick Bitches.
Siouxper Sioux Fan
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks again Mama Dawger, you are always entertaining. Although it makes me very nervous and concerned that you and Snacks are chatting away on facebook. Watch your back Mrs. Snacks.
Sign Ray Durham
Sorry to step on your post, W, but I had a few minutes here and saw Tolbert is in the lineup again today.
You won't see me suggesting the Twins sign a washed-up veteran very often, but I haven't had the misfortune of watching the Matt Tolbert/Nick Punto middle-infield combo before this season. The Twins need to do something, and maybe that something is Alexi Casilla. So unless he officially retired, I say the Twins should go out and sign Ray Durham for the rest of the season.
What can a team expect from Durham this year?
Last year his AVG / OBP / SLG was .289 / .380 / .432
Baseball Prospectus puts his 2009 projections at .273 / .359 / .425
His ultimate zone rating (UZR)/150 games last year was -0.9, so he'll probably cost the team a couple runs with his glovework.
But what will Tolbert give the Twins?
2009 offensive projection: 100% suck
His UZR/150 numbers at second base have been brutal over the last two years, -16.8 last year and -28.3 this year.
Crappy offense, crappy defense, but a hell of a lot of Ecksteinian hustle and grit.
There's a chance (possibly a good chance) that Durham would be a repeat of the Bret Boone experiment from a few years ago. But the bar is so low right now that I have to think he'd be an improvement over the current 2B performance.
You won't see me suggesting the Twins sign a washed-up veteran very often, but I haven't had the misfortune of watching the Matt Tolbert/Nick Punto middle-infield combo before this season. The Twins need to do something, and maybe that something is Alexi Casilla. So unless he officially retired, I say the Twins should go out and sign Ray Durham for the rest of the season.
What can a team expect from Durham this year?
Last year his AVG / OBP / SLG was .289 / .380 / .432
Baseball Prospectus puts his 2009 projections at .273 / .359 / .425
His ultimate zone rating (UZR)/150 games last year was -0.9, so he'll probably cost the team a couple runs with his glovework.
But what will Tolbert give the Twins?
2009 offensive projection: 100% suck
His UZR/150 numbers at second base have been brutal over the last two years, -16.8 last year and -28.3 this year.
Crappy offense, crappy defense, but a hell of a lot of Ecksteinian hustle and grit.
There's a chance (possibly a good chance) that Durham would be a repeat of the Bret Boone experiment from a few years ago. But the bar is so low right now that I have to think he'd be an improvement over the current 2B performance.
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