Gophers vs. Illinois, Sort of Live Blog

Do you realize it's the first live blog of the year for me? It's also not completely live, since I'm watching this on Tivo on tape delay, by request from Mama W. Since I can't wander over to The Daily Gopher or From the Barn to chat, I might as well put my thoughts here.

Oh, and yes I'm drinking. Bet you can't guess what.

- Dawger just called and Holy F is that kid fired up about both tonight's game as well as whoever that was who called his ugly baby ugly. I also got a facebook message from Mama Dawger you just said, "I am going to kill you." This is a terrifying evening.

- Text from Snacks. The tickets that were sold tonight apparently went to a spastic, energetic and loud Illini fan, currently sitting right next to him. Murder is imminent. Bogart be at the ready, he's going to need a real lawyer.

- Geez big night already and the game hasn't even started yet, at least not for me.

- I still don't get the Gorillas. I'm not even close to getting them. Was it just the cheapest costume at Ragstock? Is it some kind of social commentary? Blatant, and crudely obvious racism? I don't get it.

- Westbrook on Meachem tonight. That says about where he ranks on the defensive confidence scale right now. It's an important assignment, but not necessarily a tough assignment. He will have to work and work hard coming around a lot of screens, but won't have to worry about being taken off the dribble. It's a worker role, not a skill role. It will be interesting to see how the laziest player in Gopher history does.

- And he hits a three to put the Gophers up 3-0. Urge to Kill: fading.

- Nolen gets absolutely toasted by Frazier and picks up foul #1. I have no clue, not even a tiny one, what is going on with Nolen sometimes. It's like trying to find Carmen Sandiego; impossible.

- Great, Iverson has decided he can't make layups anymore. Gophers really not looking particularly good here, but still lead 3-1 with 16 minutes left. Luckily the Illini aren't hitting, but a lot of that has been good Gopher defense - said as future All-American Ralph Sampson blocks yet another shot.

- Great drive by Nolen to find Shamala for the easy lay-in. If Nolen can do that thing where he's actually good tonight that would go a long way towards a win.

- I just realized Shamala came off the bench before Hoffarber, and I have to say I don't like this one bit. As one-dimensional as Hoff is, Shamala is ten times worse. Plus, could there be a worse message to send a struggling shooter than, "You haven't hit much lately, we're going to put in a poor man's version of you because we don't trust you anymore?"

- Bostick misses a three badly, hopefully we haven't entered the part of the game where the Gophers just chuck threes.

- Hoff for three, and it was pretty. I am now shifting my prediction to a Gopher win.

- Tisdale just abused Iverson. Where is Sampson? Did he get two fouls when I wasn't looking? He then follows that up with a really lazy pass stolen by Illinois. Still no sign of Sampson.

- Tisdale = 0-1 vs. Ralph. On the other end, he draws a foul on him.

- Ralph needs a nickname. I vote for "Program Changer."

- Whoever #23 is = 0-1 vs. Sampson

- There has been some seriously good defense in this game, particularly on the Gophers side. I don't really know what happened or what changed, but they are looking like the late 80s Pistons over here. Even Hoff and Jamala are in shut down mode.

- Tisdale 1-2 now against Program Changer after hitting some lucky bullshit hook shot that looked less coordinated than Program Changer's own hook. I have also decided that I would accept "The Dynasty" as Ralph's nickname.

- Ralph Sampson's nickname related poll added on right.

- I still don't get the green guy. Dawger tried to explain it to me and mentioned something about Philadelphia, and then I tuned him out because I started thinking about Cole Hamels.

- Starting the second half, leading scorer in the game has 5 points (Keller, Hoff, Westie). I guess when you combine two very good defensive teams with two very balanced teams that sounds about right. I'm also less than thrilled to see Iverson out there. He's regressing faster than Voshon Lenard between his sophomore and junior years.

- McCamey absolutely loses Westbrook on a screen for a wide open layup. I don't really so much get what is what with him. Maybe when his cousin lost in the NFL playoffs it really messed with his head?

- The Dynasty is absolutely an awesome passer. He might win POY four times.

- DON'T LEAVE LITTLE WHITE GUYS OPEN THEY WILL MAKE THE SHOT EVERY TIME. fact.

- Gophers really doing a stellar job getting the ball inside, whether getting it to Iverson and Sampson or with Nolen driving.

- The Dynasty with an o-board and an assist on the same possession. Best gopher ever.

- Great pass from the best passing big man of all-time to set up Iverson for a three point play; of course he misses the free throw though. Sampson follows it up on the next possession by almost dunking on some stupid fool who got in his way. We are at 35-22 with 12:25 left after Ralph makes 1-2, probably because the rim isn't regulation.

- I'm starting to love the whole emotionless thing Sampson has going on.

- I'm now caught up, so I'm now chatting at the Daily Gopher. I'm pretty sure I'm drunk and obnoxious.

- Dammit. You know what would be a good name for Sampson is Jesus. Too late since the poll is already up.

- Sampson, Carter, Shamala, Hoffarber, Joseph? I've said this about fifty times this year, but I really don't like this lineup. Of course, Jesus makes 2-2 from the line to give the Gophers an 11 point lead. Which i like.

- Good news if you like awesome movies that are awesome. Mama W was trying to find something to watch online because she's really not interested in basketball, and particularly not in a defensive struggle. She finally decided to watch Nick & Nora'sInfinite Playlist, laughed several times in the first couple of minutes and finally decided to stop watching it saying, "This is good. We need to watch this together." That's good. She did not have this same reaction to Bride Wars.

- Someone over at the Daily Gopher just badmouthed Rico. I think heads are going to have to roll. I learned back when I was a drug dealer that you can't let one person get away with insolence. Once one does it, they'll all do it, so when you get the first whiff you have to kill that person. And that's how I ruled the west side.

- Ralph dunk. Call it game.

- Awesome awesome awesome. The only downside is that slacker Damian Johnson won the defensive player of the game and lazy ass Westbrook got player of the game from Big Ten Network over Ralph, I mean Jesus, who clearly deserved it. What more do you want him to do, rise from the dead? Cuz you better believe he'll do it.

- STOP with the overrated chant. Isn't the From the Barn guy there? He seems pretty sharp, can't he make them stop with that crap?

- Really though, they just picked up a 20+ point win over a 20th ranked Illinois team they hadn't beaten since the Nixon administration. They did it with perhaps the best defensive effort I can recall since I started watching the team, and by getting the best college big man of the last 20 years involved. Awesome.

- Since I'm in a such a good mood, here's a picture of Wonderbaby(tm), Dawger, and myself in Gopher gear. We look almost as good as Audrina.


Jesus that was a good, decisive, and significant win.