Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Golf is BACK!!

Alright bitches time to get back into golf mode. First off let me apologize for my absence, but there really hasn’t been much going on and I didn’t want to get in the way of all the great college hoop, football and drunken rant posts. So now that’s out of the way to move forward we need to look back.

Great in 2008…

See what I did there, I made a rhyme; studies show that 98% of all readers will stay with an article 23% longer when the headline rhymes. Alright so how did the year start well Danny Chopra won the opener and Camillo “100% Columbian Coffee” Villegas closed off the regular season and in between we saw Tiger win 4 times, once on a broken leg with no ligaments or cartilage, Veej/Perry won thrice and a hand full of the boys took two victories. No 2 time winner in 08’ was more memorable than the 2008 Player of the Year Paddy Harrington, I don’t care if Woods wasn’t there and I certainly don’t care that he won twice as many tournaments (one of which I must mention again was done on one leg) Harrington won two MAJORS, period. Tiger would trade his other three wins, sans US OPEN, for just one of those Majors. Harrington still stared down the best in the world including one of the hottest players in the planet at the time in Garcia at the PGA. He is just a great player and doesn’t seem to fear anyone.

Immelman, Woods, Harrington x 2 took down the Majors. The Masters took on a US Open feel. There is a new Chairman or President down in Augusta now, Billy Payne, I hope he can bring back some of the flare to what has always been my favorite Major. It is a tournament that should be won with birdies and eagles down the stretch, not bogeys and pars.

Sergio won the players; some consider that the 5th Major and I consider those people jackasses. He had a great quote though while accepting the trophy: “First I want to thank Tiger…for not being here”…classic. The Spaniard would have a good 2008 as a whole, but still needs to finish off a Major and if he keeps playing like he did in 08’ he will have many chances. Can you say the 2009 Masters, Tiger may still be out…

Ummm, the interweb says Steve Lowery won a tournament this year, hmmm great. What a debacle Els has turned into, he wins at the Honda and then fires his coach and starts changing everything. He has gotten too mechanical as most golfers do. Hopefully he gets comfortable in 09’ and has more success. He is a guy that won the US Open at 25, everyone is spoiled because Woods won Majors so early, and that is really good. He has been #1 in the world and I for one would like to see him getting more wins, especially majors. Philly took down the Crown Plaza Colonial, pretty nice since Crown Plaza also sponsors him, they probably liked that. The rest of the year was pretty disappointing, didn’t really contend in Majors, didn’t have a great Ryder Cup and spent the off-season fending off shots from Steve Williams (Tiger’s Caddy) and toying with the notion of joining the Euro tour to split his time.

Get it together Phil, win another Major, get up in Tiger’s Foreman and be that go for broke bitch titted watch wearing hair thinning but I am going to wear it long so no one notices champion everyone loves. Tiger wins the US Open, arguably one of the best tournaments I have seen in a while. I am not going to rehash it because if you missed it you should turn off the computer and go jump in front of a bus.

Stew Cink came out of the closet, what, oh well I guess he didn’t but he is a homo and hopefully this year he gets the strength to do it. Harrington then took over the next two Majors, but for 3.5 rounds across the pond Greg Norman was the story. The Shark rolled back the odometer and decided to bring some game, his putting didn’t hold out and neither did his iron play but hopefully he continues to play well and we can keep watching golf greatness for a while longer. Another oldie but a goodie reared his head at the British as well, David Duval made a splash with two impressive round, one he wanted to throw in the crapper and one that was just average none the less he is on track to playing better in the years to come.

Kenny Perry was crucified for not playing in the British and then WD at the PGA. He did however end up achieving his goal of playing in the Ryder Cup and did his home state proud. I just wish this guy wasn’t such a whiner.

Veej just kept keeping on and won a quick 10 million dollars for wrapping up the Fed Ex with two tournaments to spare. My favorite moment about Veej was when Sergio ran in like a 50 foot putt for what looked like the for sure tie maybe a win with Singh still 30-40 feet away himself and then he pours it in, pats Sergio on the belly and gives him a look as to say "you really thought you were going to win didn't you, stupid Spaniard go play with your Armada".

So DL3 posted a W this year showing the old guys can still win out there, hopefully his boy Freddie can take one down this year or just stay healthy enough to lead the boys to a Presidents Cup win. So you are all probably wondering if you looked at nothing but stats, who was the best player in 2008. Well that goes to Pat Perez, your best player overall based on stats, however just 12 top 25 finishes out of 27 tournaments played. #2 in that category was Anthony Kim, so it’s not worthless but sometimes it can be misleading.

Let’s see here, oh Annika retired. I give that retirement two years unless she pops out a kid. Michele Wie got her 09’ LPGA status by qualifying through tour school, great, stick with the chicks. The LPGA tried to enforce an English only rule, just awesome, you can’t make stuff like that up. Zinger led the US to a Ryder cup victory, Boo Weekley became a household name by doing the bull dance better than Happy Gilmore.

I am sure more happened, like all the retards that puked on themselves at PGA Q-School (closed circuit to Harrison Frazer, winner of the Q-School tournament and shot 59 in one the 6 rounds, you are really good please win a tournament this year), rundown of the Nationwide Grads but I need to get moving on to this year and since this is already going to be very very very long I will post this to keep interests up.

Doing fine in 2009…

Ok the season starts this week but it really doesn’t start until we get out of Hawaii and back to the mainland. First off the Mercedes Championship was set up to be a winner's only event, win a tournament and you are in. But something happen, the season started to get longer, guys chased money on other tours in different countries and all of a sudden this tournament doesn’t get Tiger (even when he’s healthy), no Phil and a lot of the other big names stay home to try and extend the off season. Who can blame them, Hawaii sucks with all that warmness and tropical greatness, idiots. Seriously I have no idea why you wouldn’t be drooling to play in this tournament; they pay your travel expenses, hotel, Mercedes courtesy car and free BJs at the turn. Well at least I think they get most of those things.

So, minus Tiger, Phil, Adam Scott (surfing accident led to knee injury) and Paddy we are left with 33 player field and one of those player is something called a Mark Turnesa. Need a player that can play in the wind and putt on Bermuda greens. I just found out Veej has a knee issue and will be out 5 weeks after the Benz so I won’t pick him out right. Oh I just can’t pick one, here is a trio, I will box in the trifecta: Kim, Choi and Els. Go boys and make me proud. See you here bout the same time next week.


PS—If you made it this far…Here you go and thanks.


Anonymous said...

Not even boobs and hot trim could keep this post interesting.

Dawg said...

WWWWW - Is there any way to move Faldo's snoozer down so we have easier access to your's and Snakes posts?


What is more boring:

1) Golf in 2008


2) Faldo's recap of golf in 2008?

PS Faldo - Look on the bright side. You actually have 2 comments. Which doubles any of your previous posts.

snacks said...

paragraph brakes for god's sake! I almost went cross eyed trying to read this thing

WWWWWW said...

1. I like both boobs and golf

2. Please for the love of god put in some paragraph breaks. I damn near had to fire Snake for doing this same thing

3. Both Adam Scott and Vijay are in my fantasy golf lineup this week, so this bodes well.

4. YEAR OF THE SERGIO! (take 2)

5. screw it, I'll put in the paragraph breaks myself

Anonymous said...

WWWWWWW- We all like Boobs and golf, we just hate Faldo.

Dawger, I vote for #2.

Faldo said...

I kind of did the no paragraph breaks intentionally. Take a look at the other posts, they are there. I just wanted it to be like a run on comment. Critism taken, will try to be less boring and add more paragraph breaks. Good to see the natives are restless, Dawg dont you have a short bus to catch and a specially fitted helmet to wear?

Snake said...

Faldo, I thought you promised to spice up your material? Short bus and fitted helmet material? That is worse than no paragraph breaks. Now you are known for crossing snacks eyes, writing the most boring posts on the entire internet and using material George Lopez wouldn't even touch. This is getting embarrassing.

Faldo said...

I figure it’s a lose/lose in this “old boys” club for the most part so I will do what I can until I get booted. Sorry its not up to your standards though Snake, critiques on content, insightfulness and humor really hurt coming from you.

Dawg said...

Faldo - Her are some helpful hints to make your material less boring:

1)Reduce the length of the post by two-thirds.

2)Change subject matter. Golf is the only sport more boring then soccer. You might as well be writing about elevator music or paint drying.

3)Develop a personality.

It also wouldn't hurt if you changed your picture. I just want to punch that smirk right off of your face everytime I look at your photo.

WWWWWW said...

I liked it.

Optimator said...

I like the part about the turn at the Mercedes Championship. More course should seriously consider this. It would certainly bring some extra excitement to the Roddy's tournament at Applewood.

Anonymous said...

Fantasy Golf? What a fucking looser!

True Golf Fan said...

Faldo's back! Another great post. Screw the haters. If they don't like golf posts, they don't have to read them. Keep writing them for the true golf fans.

c. george said...

faldo, how do you know WWWWW?

proactiv said...

I hear this bogart guy has really bad skin. It can't be worse that Colton Iverson's can it?

Snake said...

Iowa has set basketball back 30 years. I have never seen a team run out four guards to slow down the tempo of a game. Most boring team since Wisco's final 4 team.

Hair Pie dominates!

super deeduper sioux fan said...

WWWW check the DWG mail for a post this morning.....oh yeah it's on.

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