Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Breaking News All Over the Place!!!!!!!!11!!!1

Ok, so not so much breaking news, but news worth a little chat nonetheless. Three little nuggets:

1. Sammy Sosa was on steroids. Wait. Wrong file. That's not in my "breaking news" file, that's in my "no shit, sherlock" file. Everybody already knew this, didn't they? The only guy more obvious than Slammin' Sammy was Bonds.

You gotta respect a guy who is willing to cheat in all kinds of different ways, though. Not only did he bring the roids, but if you recall he was busted using a corked bat, too. He might as well have just gotten an aluminum bat that was painted like a wooden one. That's genius, actually, scratch that. It's like playing Madden and using the rewind button if you throw a game-losing interception, but then hitting the reset button too. And claiming it was an acccident.

I'm glad Stammerin' Sammy finally got outed officially though, since apparently there were some people who didn't know. Never liked him. His whole joyful act when McGwire broke Maris's record was the phoniest thing I had ever seen until Kobe and his teammates celebrated their new NBA title as if every single one of those guys wouldn't have shanked Kobe in the kidney if they thought they could get away with it.

2. The Twins finally did to Jesse Crain what they should have done to Matt Guerrier last year, and shipped Jesse Crain down to AAA when Glen "Perk" Perkins came off the DL. Crain has been an absolute nightmare this season, sporting an ERA of 8.15 (397th of 415 pitchers with at least 10 ips) and a WHIP of 1.92 (385th) and basically has made Guerrier look like Juan Berenguer. Ideally, he will spend his time in Rochester fixing whatever is wrong with him and get back to his 2005-2006 form, although it wouldn't surprise me if we don't hear from him again (Hi Jack Cressend!).

Of course, Crain hasn't been in the minors since 2004, so I'm assuming this is pretty humiliating for him and maybe it will motivate him to get in gear. Although when a guy sports a chin warmer and a sea-shell necklace like some kind of outcast frat boy who just got action for the first time from a 250 lb. drunken behemoth in cancun who just puked, I'm guessing he doesn't have a lot of shame left in him.

3. Finally, the big news we have all been waiting for. After a lengthy battle for his services, which I'm assuming involved a lot of money under the table, free cars, and copious amounts of willing and available trim, your hero and mine Travis Busch has signed on to attend (and apparently play basketball at) Colorado State next season (due to his hustle, he was granted a waiver and doesn't have to sit out next season and becomes eligible immediately.)

What? How did this happen? I thought he was going to fall down a lot and be scrappy for a D-2 type school like Winona or Metro State, but now all of a sudden he's heading not only D-I, but to a team in the Mountain West? It's not exactly a power conference, but it's not the Summit League either. I know they lost there ball-hoggy scoring point guard guy so they need scorers, but I don't think Mr. 2.6 points per game is really the answer here. Actually, I'm pretty sure a 6-3 (yeah right) 210 lb. power forward is the answer to anything, unless the question is "Who can dominate at the local YMCA adult pick-up?"

Do you remember just a few years ago Colorado State had three seven-footers? And now they are going to bring in a six-foot power forward who couldn't guard a black guy to save his life (he should do ok against BYU and Utah). It's pretty clear Tim Miles has run that program into the ground, or whatever is below the ground; Magma - I don't know, I'm not a geologist, all I know is these quotes from Miles really speak for themselves:

"We are excited to have Travis join us. He is a person who values education, he's got a dynamic personality, and he is a relentless basketball player. He will be a great fit for our program."

"I expect he will step out of his role of a complementary player and into a leadership position on our team. He's got the tools and work ethic to make big things happen for Rams basketball"

I swear I didn't make either of those up, although they are damn close to what I would write if I was making them up - but with more references to falling down. When reached for comment, Devron Bostick said, "He do b hustlin."

Also I'm very sad that Austin Daye stayed in the draft, I hit a home run at softball last night, Jason Kubel is still awesome, and this food on a stick thing at the State Fair has got to stop. I just saw a show that profiled the Rueben on a stick and Spaghetti and Meatballs on a stick. Ridiculous. Just knock it off. Although I also learned that the Meat Raffle was invented in Minnesota. Awesome.

If you're lucky I might have a US Open preview tomorrow.


From The Barn said...

By 210 you means 240, right?

I guess he could be a good pass rusher?

the Todd said...

You are nuts. Food on a stick is the greatest invention ever. The State Fair is easily the most awesomest thing in the world. The day I attend is the greatest day of my year. The food, beer and people watching is off the charts.

snacks said...

btw, you did not hit a homerun. You hit a ball over the fence that counted as an out, because we had used our homeruns for the game.

WWWWWW said...

Still Counts.

And I'm pretty sure Busch doesn't have the quickness to rush the passer. I thought maybe holder for field goals, but he has really bad hands. I don't think he can be a two sport star if you include football. Maybe wrestling. He seems to like being on the floor.

Dusty Diamond said...

WWWWWW - When playing softball do you get down into a proper catchers crouch or do you do the lazy stand next to the umpire and chase balls to the back stop every other pitch?

WWWWWW said...

I play first.

And I catch everything.

SSF said...

WWW do you want to play for my co ed work team? We are pretty good....defending Eden Prairie champs 3 years in a row????

WWWWWW said...

If your work team is really good, I'm guessing Snake is not on it - except maybe as water boy.

Siouxper Sioux fan said...

oh God no....I would NEVER let Snake play on my softball team. He is awful at everything, even life.

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