Hooray for All Stars

I'm holding a sleeping baby, so who knows how long this will last, but here goes:

- ok, the allstar game is mostly retarded, but the stuff with the legends is pretty cool. The ovation for Willie Mays gave me chills, and it was nice to see two of my favorites of all-time, Brooks Robinson and Rod Carew are still alive.

- One batter in and this thing is already an abortion of announcing. Soo far we've heard that Cliff Lee has meant more over his career to the Indians than Grady Sizemore and the fans definitely deserve to be allowed to vote in the All-Star starters because they managed to get Hanley Ramirez right. This should be fun.

- 1-2-3 with two Ks for Cliff Lee, probably because Mauer is catching. I don't get this whole Cliff Lee thing.

- Think when Hamilton gets up we'll get rehash #483 of "The Josh Hamilton Story?"

- Jeter with a squibby infield hit, which pretty much locks up MVP for him. And a stolen base, interrupting Buck in mid-Hamilton rehash. Get out the engraving gun or whatever the hell they use.

- I knew that was a fake clip, I knew it.

- Matt Holliday's up, and I heard today he's available for trade. Someone get Billy Smith on the horn, F Beltre,

- So I'm going to be in NJ next week for two nights, but in a different place than the usual and just 12 miles from Yankee Stadium. The Twins will be in town as well, so I went ahead and bought myself a ticket for next Tuesday evening. I just have to figure out how to get there. Do I drive myself and brave the traffic and parking, or do I take the subway, which would normally be my choice but it takes a really roundabout way where I'd be starting from and will take a minimum of an hour+ each way. Plus, my only two options to get back after 10pm are 10:30 and 12:53. Dumb. Although I have a feeling I'm going to have to watch Livan, which should make for an early exit.

- Given that Milton Bradley is a known hothead, does it make any sense that he's one of the most disciplined and patient hitters in the league? And also shocking, is that he's always been this way. He didn't settle down and then learn discipline, he's always has been. So weird.

- Snacks pointed out to me that the Twins have beaten both All-Star starters this season. Interesting fact. Wonder how often that's happened. Mauer walks. Boring.

- McCarver brings up how Mariano only throws one pitch, which simply isn't true. Sure, the last two seasons he's thrown 70-80% cutters, but in his career prior to that he was pretty much 50/50 between the cutter and regular fastball. I have no idea where this talk about one pitch came from, but it seems it has always been there. I'll go ahead and guess some idiotic journalist mentioned it, and all the other idiotic journalists went with it as gospel - and thus it became so.

- Hamilton up again and despite this opening, "Hamilton's story has been talked about a lot recently..." he goes ahead and reshashes the story for the 491st time.

- I have kind of a crush on Roy Halladay. Did you know his nickname is "Doc." Narf narf. Good movie though. And it appears my "Blue Jays will make the playoffs" call may have been incorrect. Lot of season left though.

- I am very excited for Pineapple Express

- Josh Hamilton moves from center to left. Left is closer to the bleachers. The bleachers contain New Yorkers. New York is a cesspool of crime. Doing drugs is a crime. Crack is a drug. Will our hero be able to resist the temptation? Will Jesus show up and pimp slap the crack pipe out of his mouth in time? Will Josh Hamilton be the next Len Bias (kind of)? Stay tuned.

- Holliday home run as his price goes up. Thanks for not snagging him already Smith. You fail. Again.

- If you're curious, I have no money on the game this year. Because I forgot. But I would have taken the NL at +130 (AL was -150).

- Mauer now 1-1 with a walk after an infield hit. MVP?

- Jeter gets a standing ovation before he even hits. Probably for being a queer. And with two on he taps back to the pitcher for the third out. You know who probably gets a hit there? Nick Punto. I'm just sayin'.

- Great, Lincecum brought to the hospital earlier today with flu-like symptoms. He's a big key to our fantasy team. We're now thisclose to picking up Scott Baker the Touchdown Maker.

- Justin Ducksharer just getting knocked around. That will teach guys I've barely heard of to play in all-star games. Also Jeter pulled in mid-inning so he can get a standing ovation. Jesus christ Francona, be a man. Don't pander to the idiotic Yankee fans. If anything, you should trot out to the field and drop a deuce on the NY logo, that's what a real man would do. Also, I think Jeter just asked Kevin Kennedy for some butt sex. And also I'm realizing I hate the Yankees more than the Red Sox again.

- If you wanted more Josh Hamilton talk, you're in luck. Jesus willed that he get a hit, so he did, and now there's more gushing. Not a dry seat in that announcing booth when he's on camera.

- Just interviewed Matt Holliday and he doesn't bend the brim of his hat. ABORT TRADE. REPEAT. ABORT TRADE.

- It still just stuns me that this game counts for anything other than pride.

- Nathan goes 1-2-3. It's amazing that he can shut down three all-stars without breaking a sweat, but struggles half the time he pitches to the Royals. Speaking of the Royals, who is their all-star? Soria? It has to be doesn't it? I always thought DeJesus would be better, being that he's "Of Jesus" and all.

- I've been thinking about it further, and I'm pretty sure Derek Jeters is one of them gays. Think about it: Single and can't settle down. Thin. Pretty boy. Afraid to get dirty. Can't hit. Has gay sex. Can't field. Overrated at baseball but super famous due to "charisma." Endorses Gay-tor-AID(s). It's obvious once you think about it.

- Ok seriously, who is Ryan Ludwick? Is this a joke?

- Base knock for Morneau - all Twins looking very good thus far.

- Two run shot for JD Drew, scoring Morneau and tying the game. Boston fans don't deserve Drew. And Edinson Volquez should put his hat on straight. And STAY OFF MY LAWN.

- It seems all-star catchers have NO shot at throwing out all-star players, ever. Not even sixty year old shortstops like Miguel Tejada who gets to third on Navarro's error, then scores on a sac fly because Carlos Quentin has a noodle-arm. Papelboner gives up the lead, which should make the NYC crowd very happy.

- Yep, I loves me some Evan Longoria. What I don't love is crappy exhibition games that last past 11pm. I'm old and I needs me sleep. Now that Morneau blows his chance to be a hero, I'm going to call this one a night.