Monday, July 28, 2008

Go Twins Go

Didn't get to type anything during tonight's big win due to that smiling bundle of curveball throwing joy pictured above, but I'm going to say I think I was wrong when I thought Kevin Slowey would suck, but last night was a pretty masterful performance. He didn't exactly seem dominant, but he was brilliant in keeping the Sox from getting the good part of the bat on the ball. Color me impressed. And clearly Denard Span is the next Willie Mays, while Carlos Gomez is the next Willie Mays Hayes. Clever, no? I also think Carlos Quentin may be the shakiest looking outfielder since that spaz named "Spanky" I played softball with this summer. No joke, he wanted to go by Spanky. Like, he preferred to be called that. I'm not kidding.

Anyway, I drive by the Dome every day on the way home from work, and I have a question: Shouldn't there be some kind of limit on how long after a player leaves a team you're still allowed to wear their jersey? I saw so many Santana and Hunter jerseys driving by the stadium today and it just seems bizarre. I mean, I can give a pass I guess because they just left last year, but what? You can't pony up the 20 bucks for a new shirt? And I've seen some Pierzynskis, Mientkewicz's, Jacque Jones's, and Lew Ford's. You're just announcing to the world that you're either too stupid to know these guys aren't on the team anymore or too poor to afford to buy a new shirt (not to mention three out of four of those are embarrassing anyway). And let's not even get started on the mouth breathers who still trot out their Chris Walsh jerseys for every Vikings' game. Leaving aside the inherent toolishness of a grown man wearing a jersey (yes, I own an LDT jersey which I wore in public twice before I realized how dumb I looked), nobody should have ever worn a Chris Walsh jersey. It's an abomination. AND he hasn't played on the team in like five years, AND he's a dirt-ball drunk driver. Nice hero. God you people are complete asses. If you see someone wearing a Walsh jersey, just go up to him and tell him he's a complete ass. Seriously, you're doing him a favor.

And while I'm in rant mode, what is it people around the Metrodome don't understand about how crosswalks work? It's really simple, when the pretty lights say "WALK" you walk. When they say "DON'T WALK" you don't. Yet every time I'm coming home from a game, I have to sit and wait as a herd of elephants crosses against the light. And god forbid you give a little honk to remind them they're breaking the rules. The whole group turns on you as if you ran over one of their faggy little purse dogs or something. Jesus christ people, it's not that hard to follow the rules, and I'm not even talking about the people who cross in the middle of the street, they usually have the decency to get out of the way - unless you're in that Somali-town area over past Preston's on the way to 94, anarchy pretty much rules over there.

You know what else is stupid? There was a commercial on FSN tonight for National Night Out, which I think is when all the people in a neighborhood are supposed to get together and eat hotdishes and somehow this stops crime. FSN is having a two-hour special about National Night Out on that evening. The evening of National Night Out. So they're promoting National Night Out by encouraging people to stay home and watch a special about National Night Out. I really, truly don't understand what the hell is going on in this world.

And I also don't get the constant booing for Pierz-nasty when he can flat out ball. And whiny bitchy pouty Mientkewicz gets cheered when he plays here. Makes zero sense.

You are all idiots.


Bear said...

Given the curveball grip and what appears to be reddish hair, is there any chance that Mrs. W was rolling around in the sack with Bert while you were sitting at a Hooters in Lincoln? If your daughter's first word is "Fuck," you're in trouble, scratch that, she's in trouble. How many steps are in your staircase?

WWWWWW said...

If she can win 278 games, I'm ok raising whoever's baby that is.

DownWithYou said...

you have to be one of the gayest people I know. Wow you need a mulligan on life. But hey keep on being gay.

WWWWWW said...

Do you cross against the light?

Stealing that said...

"you need a mulligan on life" thats gonna come in handy.