Thursday, July 31, 2008

Ozzie Guillen is a Little Girl

It's true. I just got home for the bar - one of the first times I've been able to go out since WonderbabyTM arrived. Holla. - and I walk into a completely weird situation with Ozzie Guillen pulling his team off the field because he's deathly afraid of hats. It's like that one dude in the Bond movies - Oddjob - who could throw his hat and kill dudes. I think Ozzie thought he was in the stands. I don't know who is more embarrassing, Gardy for getting run (again) and kicking his hat like a child, Ozzie for getting into an argument with drunk bald guy sitting behind the dugout, or the Minnesota fans HOLY CRAP JASON KUBEL IS SO AWESOME SUCK IT MORONS!!!

- Anyway, that whole thing was embarrassing, especially for Octavio Dotel. Remember when he was good? Seriously, you don't remember but in 2002 he pitched 97 innings with a 0.87 WHIP and in 2003 87 innings at 0.97 for Houston. Then he started sucking.

- What do you think Gardy's emotional age is? 8? 12? I'm open to whatever.

- Is there a worse eighth inning guy in baseball than Matt Guerrier? God this dude pisses me off so much. And why couldn't the Twins have picked up a reliever? Or a second basemen? Or anything. Ever. When was the last deadline deal where they actually picked somebody up? John Smiley? Seriously. Was that even a deadline deal? I don't remember. All I know is they should have picked up somebody for something. Also, FYI, I wrote that Guerrier thing before the inning even started, and now he's given up two runs after two batters. I think Nathan needs to be more Rollie Fingersie, and work two inning saves all the time. Also I'm drunk. Go me.

- Want a fearless football prediction? Andre Johnson is going to GO OFF. Like I mean actually stay healthy. Number 1 receiver in fantasy football. Write it down.

- That was pretty much the worst call ever on the Span not hit by pitch.

- For the love of god, stop bunting. Just stop. I almost hate this team.

- Geez, it's like Torii Hunter is out there. Get it, cuz the guy dove and missed the ball. Like that one time in the playoffs when Torii did that? Remember?

- I'm drunk and tired. If the Twins don't win, it's your fault.

7 comments:

P. Meares said...

I've got a fever! And the only prescription....is more Kubel!!

Anonymous said...

Shannon Stewart. Luis Castillo. Rick Reed.

snacks said...

wow, how big of a moron is Jim Souhan? What a horrible article.

The Sidler said...

I just wanted to chime in and say the White Sox are morons if they're really going to let Griffey play CF. Sure, he's 2-3 tonight as I type this, but an OF with Quentin, Griffey, and Dye is going to be awful for a team with 3 flyball pitchers.

Griffey is basically Nick Punto 2007 against lefties this year and has been Brendan Harris (if that) outside of Cincinnati's bandbox stadium.

P. Wecos said...

Do you have any pudding?

Barry & LeVon said...

We have two hundred and forty dollars worth of pudding.

Awwww yeah.

DownWithYou said...

Your a girl. FAG