Wednesday Wonderings

A few quick, random thoughts while watching Francisco Liriano throw batting practice.

-  Apparently Peyton Hillis is the cover boy for the next Madden and even weirder, he ended up the cover boy by winning a tournament against a bunch of other players which fans voted on.  What?  How can Peyton freaking Hillis win a popularity contest?  The only people who would vote for Peyton Hillis are Browns fans, racists, people who won their fantasy league because of him, and racists who won their fantasy league because of them.  I can see him beating Mike Vick (the guy he beat in the finals) because some people love dogs a little too much (and some people hate black people), but winning a whole tournament?  I'm baffled.  The only tournament Hillis should win is a tournament of people I know the least about.

-  I know nobody pays attention the National League, but if you have you may have noticed that the Padres are possibly the worst offensive team in history - dead last in runs scored in the majors (just one less than the Twins - oy!) and last in runs per game.  Bad enough that Orlando Hudson is their number three hitter, and bad enough to have scored just 8 total runs in their last seven games.  It's a fantastic example of why wins are an awful way to measure a pitcher because Dustin Moseley has started five games and compiled an ERA of 1.99 (2nd in the NL) and a WHIP of 1.11 (14th) and yet he's 0-3.  That's because in his five starts the Padres have won 5-3 (and didn't win until the 13th inning), 2-1, 1-0, 4-0, and 2-0.  That's one run they've scored in the his last four starts.  I know idiots like Bert Blyleven will talk about pitching to the game situation, but there's a reason he's won the big stupid idiot of the year award seventeen times.  I assume.

-  Eric Hacker with back-to-back bases loaded walks.  That's not easy to do.  Good thing they signed him to a major league deal, especially since he hadn't pitched in the majors since 2009 and probably would have taken a minor league offer.  It's like if you're trying to lure a fatty into your van, you don't need to offer a t-bone steak because the fatty will climb on in for an Arby's junior roast beef.  It's just common sense.

-  Hold on to your panties, ladies, and hold on to your hearts, boys, because the third coming of Jesus is coming back on Tuesday.   Yep, Big Sexy, Evan Longoria has started re-habbing and is scheduled to join the team on Tuesday.  Although I'm sure his rehab isn't like normal people rehab.  Probably a lot more banging chicks.

-  Have you ever read Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne?  Let me save you some time:  don't.  I figured it would be at least entertaining because hey, it's got dinosaurs so what the hell.  But I'm 90% of the way through, other than a short Ichthyosaur vs. Plesiosaur (how sweet would that movie be) fight, and some Mastodons in the distance the dinosaurs have been non-existant.  So far it's basically been a cartoon character, a mute, and a whiny narrator wandering around in a cave.  Hell, there is more time spent on geology than dinosaurology.  Big disappointment so far.  Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World is infinitely better.

- Finally, the NFL draft is tomorrow, and although I usually make fun of people who take football too seriously and though the whole move to primetime last year was ridiculous, I ended up watching and actually enjoyed it.  I won't be watching this year, however, because I will be making my slow-pitch softball pitching debut (weather permitting).  Which probably means I will either walk 20 guys or end up with a broken face.  Maybe both.

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.12.2010

1.  Reverse the curse?  I'm not surprised the Twins lost there, because Perkins vs. Danks is clearly tilted in the White Sox favor, but I'm really unsettled by how they lost.  Getting thrown out at third trying to stretch a double into a triple?  Failing to turn an easy double play?  Making multiple errors?  Picking a runner off of first but being unable to get the actual out because of a poor throw by the first baseman?  Having a pitcher failing to cover first on a grounder to the first baseman?  Not being able to get a big hit?  These are all the same things we've watched the Sox do against the Twins, and are the reason the Sox, Guillen, and their fans felt cursed against the Twins.

I don't want to take anything from Danksy, because he was brilliant tonight and kept the Twins off balance all game, but the Twins made damn sure they had no chance to win tonight.  Perkins didn't pitch well by any means, but he wasn't completely awful and he gave the team a solid chance to win.  Except that they played like morons.  Or, more accurately, the played like the White Sox, while the Sox played like the Twins.  If tonight was a sign of the roles flipping and we have to expect that kind of shit for the next 7 years or whatever you can count me out.  I'm going to track down the Zoltar Machine at Sea Point Park and get that crazy gypsy to fix this shit right quick.

2.  Break up the O's?  Don't look now, but suddenly the Orioles are white hot.  After beating the Indians tonight Baltimore has suddenly won four games in a row, which might not seem like a huge deal but you have to realize that is 10% of their victories on the season.  Even more shocking, the won thanks to a Brad Bergesen 2-hit shutout.  Let that one sink in for a moment.  Brad Bergeson with the 5.84 ERA.  Brad Bergesen with the 1.53 WHIP.  Brad Bergesen who hasn't won a game in his last 13 starts.  Brad Bergesen with the unbent bill of his cap.  Brad Bergesen who once got hurt shooting a commercial.  Apparently anything Buck Showalter touches turns instantly to gold.  Word is Joel Maturi has inquired to see if he has any interest in Gopher football.

3.  There was a fun trade in the NBA.  This isn't exactly going to shake the NBA landscape, but any time you get a four-team, five-player trade it's worth noting because hey, that's fun.  Houston traded Trevor Ariza to the Hornets, who traded Darren Collison and James Posey to the Pacers, who traded Troy Murphy to the Nets, who traded Courtney Lee to the Rockets.  So the Hornets get a good player to show Chris Paul they are serious about winning (although Ariza, really?), the Pacers get a steal in getting a potential top line PG for a slow white dork, while the Nets can use that same slow white guy to eat up minutes so they don't have to force Derrick Favors to play too much too quickly.  And the Rockets shed some salary, which they needed to after signing a bunch of large contracts this offseason, but get back a good quality, young rotation player at the same time.  The elusive win-win-win-win trade.  Meanwhile the Timberwolves traded a player they just signed last year for 4 years and $16 million dollars for two players who they immediately cut, assuming Telfair has been cut by now.  So I guess it's win-win-win-win-win.  Go team.    

4.  It's wide open.  The season's fourth and final major, the PGA Championship, starts today, and it's an absolutely wide open field.  The usual favorite is a complete mess, the #2 guy just completely melted down last Sunday, can't take advantage of his opportunities to become the world #1 and sucks at links style golf (which this course is), and the #3 isn't entered due to injury.  Beyond that there about 30 different guys who have a legit chance to win this and you could make a solid argument for.  I won't do that, but I will give you my top 6 and a sleeper:

1.  Rory McIlroy

2.  Steve Stricker

3.  Jeff Overton

4.  Retief Goosen

5.  Nick Watney

6.  Graeme McDowell

SLEEPER:  Ross Fisher

This, of course, means that Hunter Mahan is going to win.

5.  The most dangerous player in the Big Ten may have found a new home.  Chris Allen, the most dangerous player in the Big Ten and if you disagree I will fight you, recently visited our good friend Freddy Hoiberg at Iowa State and it sounds like he might be leaning towards joining the Cyclones.  This would help Hoiberg with his apparent need to collect players of questionable moral character - which of course is genius for him.  The Clones have been a nightmare since Jake Sullivan left, and no offense to Ames (which is currently underwater) but I've visited there and I don't exactly see a lot that would be a draw for a big-time recruit.  As such, collecting talented players whose background's scare other team's off is a calculated, and I think smart, risk that could bring this team back to prominence.  Or they crash and burn and suck and nobody notices the difference.

6.  Finally, the Great Villain triumphs.  If you've read this post of mine or have heard me talk about it since or have pretty much ever been to my house, you'll seen the greatest movie ever, "The King of Kong" by now.  I'm not going to break it all the way down for you here, but seriously if you haven't seen it you have to go find it on Netflix or Blockbuster or Vudu or CinemaNow or whatever - go watch it.  It is the most fascinating look at the people who make up the world of championship gaming (retro games only, of course) centering around a battle for the world record of Donkey Kong between Steve Wiebe (clearly painted as the hero) and Billy Mitchell (clearly painted as the villain).  Of course, it wasn't too difficult to make him look bad, since his combination of smugness and douchery has only been seen before in a villain in an 80s movie (Karate Kid, Back to School, and Teen Wolf immediately come to mind), but douche though he may be, he once again has set the World Record in Donkey Kong (and Donkey Kong Jr. to boot).

Seriously, find a way to watch this and watch it.  I'm not being sarcastic or ironic or anything like that.  It is epically awesome to watch.  Check this:


Please, I beg you, watch this movie.

Weekend Review - 8/9/2010

 Most important news from this weekend is that I beat New Super Mario Brothers on the Wii.  What up, Bowser?

Jesus.  Will you look at that monster.  I'm like some kind of god damn hero.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Adam Wainwright.  It's officially time to start recognizing Adam Wainwright as one of the best pitchers in baseball.  I mean, I know people who know ball know how good he is, and he's pretty much universally hailed as having the best curveball in MLB, but you never really hear him mentioned when the best pitchers come up.  Wainwright tossed a complete game, 2-hit shutout Friday night, bringing his season numbers to a 2.07 ERA and 1.00 WHIP, to go along with a 16-6 record.  He's now second in ERA in the NL (behind Josh Johnson), second in WHIP (behind Mat Latos), second in Wins (behind Ubaldo), and third in strikeouts (behind Lincecum and Halladay).  That is a hell of a season. 

Maybe the most impressive thing though is in his six seasons so far, Wainwright has a career ERA of just 2.94.  Only 6 pitchers since 1980 have made at least 110 starts in their first six years and had an ERA of under 3.00:  Dwight Gooden, Orel Hershiser, Fernando Valenzuela, Tim Lincecum, Pedro Martinez, and Wainwright.  Not bad at all.

2.  Adam Dunn.  This is exactly why I was praying the White Sox wouldn't get Dunn - he can destroy a ballgame all by himself.  Friday night Dunn hit two 3-run homers off the Dodgers' Clayton Kershaw, one in the first and one in the third, to drive in all six National runs in a 6-3 win (they walked him in two of last three PAs - I bet you can guess what the outcome was in the other one - a perfect 3-true outcomes nigiht.)  Remember in game 163 two years ago, when you just knew Thome was going to be the guy who broke your heart?  That's what Dunn would have been on Chicago, they would have been half defeated before the game even started just knowing he was there.  Or at least I would have been.

3.  J.P. Arencibia.  With Matt Wieters currently worse than Drew Butera and Carlos Santana now out of the season I need a new young catcher to fixate on.  Oh, hello, Jonathan Paul Arencibia (I have to admit, I thought that J.P. was going to stand for something a lot cooler and ethnic-y.  This is just like finding out A.C. stood for Albert Clifford).  Hell of a debut for the highly touted rook, going 4-5 with 2 home runs and a double on Saturday.  Then, in a totally logical move, they sat him on Sunday for Jose Molina, who is 35 years old and has solidly proven himself to be mediocre in every way.  Leave it to the Canadians to eff up a good thing.  No wonder Chris Bosh left.

4.  Brandon Morrow.  I don't think anybody ever doubted Morrow's talent.  He was a monster prospect for Seattle a few years ago, but was never able to put it together at the big league level.  They tried him as a starter, and he really struggled with his control (66 ks and 50 walks in 63 innings) as a rookie.  So they moved him to the pen and tried to make him their closer which went ok, and then moved him back to starter where his control fell apart again (63 k/44 bb in 69 innings), finally giving up and sending him to Toronto for Brandon League and a minor leaguer. 

He finally put it all together for the Jays on Sunday, throwing 8 2/3 innings before allowing a hit, finishing with a complete game1-hit shutout while striking out 17.  According to Game Score, which I outlined in this post, he scored a 100 for the game, and ties it for the fourth best game in history behind Kerry Wood's 1-hit, 20-k masterpiece, a Nolan Ryan no-hitter with 16ks, and a Sandy Koufax no-no with 14 k's.  That is pretty damn good.  And since he threw 137 pitches, you can expect him to get shelled his next time out.

5.  Jason Repko.  Gotta say, I think I'm liking this guy.  He only played in one game this weekend and went just 1-4, so perhaps this isn't the ideal weekend to highlight him, but I can't help it - I just recently decided I like him.  He's now hitting .314/.386/.608 this season with three home runs in 51 at-bats.  That slugging percentage, by the way, is higher every Twin on the roster except for Justin Morneau, and is just .010 behind the guy with the broken head. 

Repko has some pedigree, too.  He was a first round pick of the Dodgers way back in 1999, but injuries and a pull-dependent swing kept him buried in the minors until 2005.  That year he got 301 PAs, but batted just .221/.281/.384, saw his PAs cut in half in 2006, and then missed all of 2007 with a torn hamstring suffered in a spring training collision with Rafael Furcal.  In 2008 and 2009 he played again in AAA for the Dodgers, putting up a combined line of .281/.341/.459 with 28 homers in 231 games but never got the call up, and was then outright released by Los Angeles, and signed 6 days later by the Twins.  He looks like a very promising fourth outfielder with some upside.  Excellent pickup.


WHO SUCKED


1.  Francisco Liriano.  Double-U.  Tee.  Eff?  This is not what is supposed to happen.  Just as we're all happy and giddy and have boners because Baker and Slowey came to play, Franky - our hero, our light, our Obi-Wan, sucks against the triple-A team some call Cleveland.  Ok, yes, I'll admit that a good chunk of the hits he allowed could have been outs if they hadn't been precisely placed, but it's still disappointing to watch that kind of outing from our ace.  Go ahead and leave out the hits, but six walks in just 4 and 2/3 innings and a 61-48 strike-to-ball ratio isn't going to get it done.  It's just one bad outing in what has been a brilliant season thus far, but that looked an awful lot like last year's Liriano.  No thanks. 

2.  Tiger Woods.  I know already mentioned his worst-ever round at Firestone on Thursday in an earlier post this week, but it's impossible to ignore that he followed that up with a 72, 75, and 77 over the weekend to finish a combined +18 for the tournament, landing him in 78th place out of 80 finishers.  It was the worst tournament he's played in his career outside of the handful where he missed the cut, and the fact that it comes at Firestone, a course he has absolutely dominated in his career, should set off every warning siren that there is for him right now.  If I was going to give Tiger advice, and I am, it would be to shut it down for the year.  Skip the PGA since your game isn't in shape to contend anyway and go with whoever your current swing coach is and get this figured out, because we could be heading for David Duval or Joe Charboneau territory here. 

3.  Almost everyone else at the Bridgestone.  Lest you think Tiger Woods was the only one who crashed and burned, I must point out that there was an unusually high amount of terrible golf from great players this weekend, especially since the Bridgestone is a World Golf Championship event (second tier to the majors).  Woods' 77 wasn't the worst of the day because Phil Mickelson, who started the day in contention and had a chance to move from the #2 rated golfer to the #1 if he finished fourth or better, shot a 78.  The #3 golfer in the world, Lee Westwood, who could also have moved to #1 in certain scenarios, shot 71-76 and then withdrew.  And finally, the golfer who has overall played the best this year Ernie Els, started the day just two shots back and promptly shot 76 to drop all the way to 22nd.  And all this on the same day when 31 golfers managed to shoot par or better.  Weird stuff.  

4.  Chicago White Sox.  Not that I don't like it, because I do and hope it continues, but you can't win a division, even a shitty one like the AL Central, if you're going to lose two of three to the Orioles.  Their pitching is still retardedly good, with the O's only scoring 8 runs in the three games, but the Sox only scored 8 as well, and are now just a loss tonight away from coming into the big series against the Twins with the teams tied for first.  It'll be Edwin Jackson vs. Brian Matusz tonight, so it will probably be a 10-8 game, and then it's showdown time.  The pitching breaks out as:  Freddy Garcia vs. Scott Baker, John Danks vs. whoever fills in for Kevin Slowey, and Gavin Floyd vs. Liriano.  I would give the Twins a slight advantage in two of the three games, so it's very possible they leave Chicago in first place.  Or the Sox sweep and we just shut it down.

5.  Matt Kemp.  I was watching some of the Dodger/Nationals game (I have no idea why) and saw Kemp strike out and heard the L.A. crowd boo.  Knowing that in general Los Angeles fans are pretty laid back, I decided to look into why.  Turns out that was his fourth strikeout of the game (in four at-bats), which made him 0-10 for the weekend.  Truly sucktastic.  But beyond that, his stats have completely fallen off quite a bit from last year when he finished 10th in the NL MVP voting.  His average is down, his OBP is down, his slugging is down, and his strikeouts are up.  His OPS+ has fallen from 125 to 109, which is almost exactly like going from Michael Cuddyer last year to Michael Cuddyer this year, except Kemp can run and can field.  So the real lesson here is that we should all be booing Cuddy every time he's up.       


By the way, I've officially talked myself into Chip Armelin, the newest Gopher hoopster, coming to a campus near you September 1.  I put most of my thoughts in a post over the weekend, which you can either scroll down to read or if that's too much work just click here, but after meditating on this for a while I am getting a good feeling.  He's a great athlete who can shoot and handle the ball - what's not to like?  There are even explanations for why he wasn't recruited all that heavily (the football thing), and it's not like he was terrible - three time second-team All-State player and a McDonald's All-American Nominee (one of 30 in Louisiana, but still).  I'm officially on the Chip Armelin bandwagon.  Join me now, before everyone arrives.  And let's hope this doesn't turn into Rico Tucker part II.

Stay tuned.  I think you're going to get some Gopher stuff this week.  No promises of course, but let's say 80% likely.

NFL Draft

I don't really have anything to say about the draft tonight, other than I'm already sick of the overcoverage and I hope the Vikings don't pick Tebow.  Instead, I'm just going to link you to a mock draft I did last year that got a pretty good response.  If you haven't read it, it's new to you.

2009 NFL Mock Draft:  Video game style

Tuesday Talkings (mostly Twins signing talk, plus a little racism)

With no Gopher game until the weekend I should probably figure something else out to blog about this week.  I also haven't done the random writing whatever strikes my fancy post in quite some time.  The perfect storm!

-  First off, don't forget to play this awesome time-waster of a game. It's basketball on the computer, so it's like basketball for white people. So far since I posted yesterday it's been played 45 times and I'm still the champion. I'm like the Blake Hoffarber of fake basketball. Try to beat me, I dare you. Come on, you're really not all that important at work, trust me. Just don't forget to put in a nickname so you can claim credit for your pitiful score.

-  Speaking of basketball for white people, there's some not-at-all-rednecky guys trying to start up a basketball league for white people.  According to the league's founder, "Moose" Lewis, "people of white, American born citizens are in the minority now" and the whiteys only league is a league "for white people to play fundamental basketball, which they like" rather than a league like the NBA which is just "street ball" played by "people of color."

This guy is a genius.  A likely sociopath, but a genius all the same.  Are you telling me you wouldn't want to watch a league where Blake would be an athletic superstar?  Or watch Kirk Penny take David Grim to the hole?  And imagine someone like Ryan Anderson in that league?  He'd be like the white Larry Bird.  Granted this idea is about sixty years too late, but who says we can't turn back the clock?  Look at John Travolta or Julio Franco.

Credit given to With Leather, which is where I saw the story and also where I ganked that sweet image from above. 

-  Ok, with news from 1950 out of the way now we can get to the real important stuff:  all those Twins' signings today.  In case you missed it, the team signed all 8 of its arbitration eligible players today.  Let's look:

1. Brendan Harris, 2 years/$3.2 million.  Interesting that Harris got two years on his deal, and it's good for him because he gets about a $1 million raise over his salary last year.  I'd feel a lot better about this if he was the team's #1 utility guy but you know that's going to be Punto.  Since Gardy refuses to play Harris at second and Hardy is hear now the Twins are now paying $1.6 mil per year for either a backup utility player who will get 250 at-bats which sucks or for their starting third baseman which sucks because that means Harris is the starting third baseman.
2. Carl Pavano, 1 year/$7 million.  That feels like an awful lot to pay Pavano, but if he stays healthy he's good for 200 innings and although his ERA was high last year it probably shouldn't have been because his secondary pitching stats were all pretty solid and his xFIP (Fielding Independant Pitching, sort of a way to attempt to quantify what you would expect a pitcher's ERA to be based on his secondary stats) was a nice 3.96.  Fangraphs actually pegged his estimated value at $16.5 million last year and estimates it will be $13 million this year.  Seems high, but if he stays healthy and pitches like he did last year that $7 million will be a steal.
3. J.J. Hardy, 1 year/$5.1 million.  Pretty much a no brainer after picking him up for Gomez and the Twins probably saved a little money by not going to arbitration.  Even in a down year, and last year was way, way down, he's probably worth more than $5 million, so this is a good deal for the Twins.
4. Matt Guerrier, 1 year/$3.15 million.  Heath Bell just signed a 1-year/$4 million deal with the Padres, and it's hard for me to believe Guerrier is worth anywhere near what Bell is.  But then you look at the numbers:  2.36 ERA, 0.97 WHIP, a league-leading 79 games and 76 very good innings, and I suppose he is worth quite a bit.  A classic case of passing the numbers test but not the eye test, and since I'm a numbers guy I have to approve of this one, even if his middle name is Olson.
   
5. Delmon Young, 1 year/$2.6 million.  If he has that breakout season $2.6 million is a steal.  If we keep saying "if he has that breakout season" over and over again, eventually those "low-salary" seasons are going to add up to a whole lot of wasted time.
6. Jesse Crain, 1 year/$2 million.  $2 million for a player who hasn't been good since 2005?  I still have no idea why they offered him arbitration.  Let him go and I almost guarantee the Royals would have signed him, then the Twins get to light him up 18 times or whatever.  Win/win.
7. Francisco Liriano, 1 year/$1.6 million.  Good thing they didn't give him an Evan Longoria deal after that hot start in 2006, huh?  Still, similar to Delmoney, if he does come all the way back $1.6 is a steal.  Expect fluff pieces about how good Liriano's looked to start flooding in all spring training.  Oh wait!  They've already started (scroll down a bit, the actual article from pioneer press is already in the archives).
8. Pat Neshek, 1 year/$625k.  Pretty good living for never pitching, no?  Is he ever coming back?  Is he even still alive?  Did he change his name to Clay Condrey and start pitching overhand? 
   

Overall, pretty good signings I suppose. Nothing to blow your skirt up, but outside of the Crain signing (and the second year to Harris) nothing I'd quibble with.  Just get Mauer signed and then we can all be happy.  And also sign somebody to play third base.  And not Melvin Mora, somebody good.

-  I feel like I should probably apologize to Andy Rautins.  I know somewhere on this stupid blog I called something like "a shooting specialist who can't shoot" and although that might have been true in the past (37% field goal shooter his first three years) it certainly isn't anymore and he's a huge reason the Cuse are 18-1 and a viable national title contender.  He's increased his shooting percentage to 46%, including 41.7% from three (#2 in the Big East amongst players with at least 100 attempts), and he basically runs the offense for the Orange in the halfcourt.  Perhaps most telling, he's averaging the same amount of points as last year in the same amount of minutes but is taking 1.5 less shots per game and has upped his assists from 3.0 per game last year to 5.1 this year, good for fourth in the Big East.  That, my friends, is how you take the senior year leap.  Eric Harris did it.  Travarus Bennett did it.  Damian Johnson is trying to do it.  And Lawrence Westbrook can go to hell.

-  Finally, I've read two very disappointing books in a row ("Pirate Latitudes" by Michael Crichton which I would give a 1/10 and "Altar of Eden" by James Rollins which I would give a 5/10 but usually his books are at least an 8 so that's why it was a bummer) so I'm think I'm going to branch out and give this book a roll.  I'll keep you posted, but it sounds pretty interesting.  Plus I am a pretty big fan of sports gambling.  Biggest downside here is that it could make me want to quit my job, leave my family, and move to Vegas.  Or is that the upside?

Bored?

Bored at work?  Home?  Church?  Looking for something to do?  Try this game.  It's just shooting baskets.  Pretty fun, but it can get awfull frustrating at times (Imagine Al Nolen shooting in an empty gym, probably like that).  My best so far is 150.45, and I've broken 140 a handful of other times but I've totally lost it lately.  It even keeps stats from everybody who comes from this link so make sure you "Edit Player" and put in a name in if you want to be on the high score list (of course my 150 game was before I created the DWG group).  Go play.

Some Quick Friday Points

- Just in case he hadn't thrown a big enough dagger in your heart last year by winning the ALCS MVP, Matt Garza did it again last night. This time he took a perfect game into the seventh against the Red Sox only to have it broken up by a faggy infield squibber by faggy Jacoby Ellsbury. It would be the only hit Garza gave up, leaving after 7 and 2/3rds after striking out 10. Garza's WHIP now stands at just 1.06, with an ERA of 3.82. Meanwhile Delmon Young is hitting .241, is on-pace for 15 extra base hits this year, and remains one of the worst in the league at swinging at pitches outside the strike zone.

Oh, and Jason Bartlett is hitting .358, tenth in the AL. Eff my life.

- In the "About Freaking Time" Category, former West Virginia QB Major Harris was finally elected to the College Football Hall of Fame. Harris is the first guy I remember really capturing my imagination as a kid, and he was the first run/pass dual threat QB I had seen (I was too young to really watch Rickey Foggie). He was just sick, like QB Eagles but in real life. In his three years he finished fifth and third in the Heisman voting, and took WVU to the national championship game in 1988 and may have won it if he hadn't had his shoulder separated on the third play of the game.

Of course, Harris made one of the worst decisions ever in going pro, foregoing his senior season to enter the NFL draft, only to be picked in the 12th round and never even making the team - or any NFL team. He played one season in the CFL and three in the Arena League before calling it quits and is now a High School Assistant Receiver's Coach. But none of that changes the greatness that was Major Harris. Congrats, Major. I salute you.

- I wrote about the Bulls vs. Celtics playoff series before, but this is getting ridiculous. Last night the Bulls beat the Celtics in double-OT to knot the series at 3-3, and every game has been a classic:
Game 1 - Derrick Rose sets a new record for scoring by a rookie in his playoff debut with 36, with the Bulls winning in OT in Boston.
Game 2 - The game I wrote about above, Rajon Rondo goes for a triple-double but is actually overshadowed by the duel between former UCONNers Ben Gordon and Ray Allen, who go for 42 and 30 with Allen hitting the game-winner.
Game 3 - The only non-competitive game is still entertaining because Boston had lost home court advantage, and took it back by beating the Bulls by 20 and reminding them who the defending champion was.
Game 4 - Chicago evens the series with a double OT win thanks to a huge three by Ben Gordon to tie it up in single OT and push it to double, and Rondo puts up his second triple-double of the series in a losing effort.
Game 5 - Boston takes a 3-2 series lead by winning in overtime thanks to Paul Pierce hitting a jumper at the buzzer to tie it up and then taking over in OT.
Game 6 - Chicago evens the series in TRIPLE overtime, despite 51 points from Ray Allen and 19 assists from Rondo, thanks to 35 points from John Salmons and another huge performance from the suddenly emerging Joakim Noah (and check out this play).

Game seven is going to be this Saturday at 7pm. I'm going to be drunk at a cabin, but I suggest you check it out if you can. Look for the Bulls to pull the upset.

- I'm pretty sure Adam Scott is broken. At the Quail Hollow Championship this week, with a world championship type field all in attendance, Scott shot 77-75 to finish at +8 and missed the cut by eight strokes. That makes four straight tournaments where he's failed to make the weekend. He won the Byron Nelson early last season, so he doesn't have to worry about losing his tour card (and has a 2nd place finish at the Sony Open this year anyway, which on it's own has him at 51st on the money list), but he better get things turned around or the sexiest golfer on tour might suddenly go the way of David Duval.

- One dude who I realized I completely forgot in my video mock draft is CB Dave Waymer of the 49ers on Tecmo Super Bowl. No matter what happened, if he was controlled by a human or by the computer, Waymer would end up leading the league in picks - every. single. season. Waymer did have seven picks, third in the league, in 1990 - the season Tecmo Super was based on, but still. Gill Byrd and Martin Mayhew each had seven that season, and I don't remember seeing them always at the top of the leaderboard. Freaking west coast bias.

- And in case you forgot, PANDEMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DWG: NFL Mock Draft

Hey, everybody else is doing mock drafts. I figured I might as well take my limited knowledge of the NFL and give it a shot as well.


1. Detroit Lions - QB Eagles, Super Tecmo Bowl.
It's not secret the Lions are lacking playmakers outside of Calvin Johnson, so why not go with maybe the best playmaker of all-time in QB Eagles? He can throw it over 100 yards on the run and hit his receiver in-stride (just ask Freddy Barnett), or he can tuck it down and break a long one on any play. Even with that supporting cast 4,000 yards passing and 2,000 rushing isn't out of the question.

2. St. Louis Rams - OT Walter Jones, Madden.
Everything I've read, which amounts to one article on ESPN, says that offensive line is a massive weakness here, especially with Orlando Pace gone. Why not take the best offensive lineman in Madden history? This guy was ranked a 99 for like ten straight years, and you could pick him in a fantasy draft and ignore the rest of your line, then just call a HB Dive over his right shoulder and bust off a big gainer. Look for Steven Jackson to be a super stud this year running behind Jones.

3. Kansas City Chiefs - RB Bo Jackson, Super Tecmo Bowl.
The Chiefs get lucky with the top talent on the board falling to number three. With Larry Johnson dead or released or injured or maybe still there but all broken down (I don't really remember) Bo injects some new life while opening things up for Thigpen and Dwayne Bowe. Plus, the Royals are always in need of another power-hitting outfielder.

4. Seattle Seahawks - RB Barry Sanders, Madden.
Another team looking for a RB and playmaker, Barry is a nice consolation prize after just missing out on Bo. Barry was a stud throughout his lifetime, but specifically in one of the earlier Maddens, where his spin move didn't just shake a defender, it also would carry him an automatic five extra yards forward. I'm pretty sure just that spin move would be the longest run Mo Morris or TJ Duckett managed for the Hawks last year.

5. Cleveland Browns - OLB Lawrence Taylor, Tecmo Bowl.
One of the worst defenses in the league, and maybe history, gets a huge boost with one man coke-snorting wrecking crew LT coming into the fold at the height of his coke binge. Who else could block the extra point every time, or blow up just about any play? Single-handedly won many a Tecmo game, because that offense was terrible.

6. Cincinnati Bengals - S Ronnie Lott, Tecmo.
Historically, safeties don't go this early. But historically, safeties don't wreck as much shit as Ronnie Lott did, both on Tecmo and Super Tecmo bowl. If he gets EXCELLENT status, look the hell out because your running back won't even get the chance to get into a little tussle to try to break the tackle, you're going straight down. And go ahead and try and put the ball in the air anywhere near him, he's coming down with it. For a shitty defensive team like the Bengals, this guy is gold.

7. Oakland Raiders - WR Randy Moss, NCAA Football.
You know Oakland likes to make a splash, and Moss is perfect for them - at least this version of Moss. Not the Madden one, but the one who played for Marshall on NCAA football. Completely unstoppable, send him deep and he'd usually have ten yards on the DB by the time the ball got there. Plus, let him return punts and he can just run from side to side, never advancing but never getting tackled. Imagine how well that would work if you force the other team to punt down seven with five minutes left. BALLGAME.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars - WR Jerry Rice, Tecmo Bowl.
A team in desperate need of a wideout even after signing Torry Holt earlier this week, Rice fits in perfectly. All you have to do is send him on a crossing route, and if the other team happens to have guessed your play, you can still hit him over the middle for eight yards. Eight yards over and over again will eventually equal a TD, so now the Jags just got unstoppable. Could have gone over Moss, but go ahead and look at that picture. F you, Jerry. F You for what you have become.

9. Green Bay Packers - DE/OLB Alfred Williams, Bill Walsh College Football.
My ESPN article says the Pack needs a DE/OLB type hybrid, and nobody fits the bill better than Alfred Williams from '90 Colorado on Bill Walsh. Williams played DE on that game, and if you slid him outside the tackle a couple of steps there wasn't a single O-Lineman who could get out there and block him, since his speed was on par with a RB. In fact, he was so fast that he could often recover an onside kick IN THE AIR. No kidding. One of only two guys on the game who could. Talk about an unstoppable weapon.

10. San Francisco 49ers - QB Daunte Culpepper, NCAA Football.
One of the worst offenses in the league gets a whole lot better with a dynamic QB under center. Culpepper, the one from NCAA and Central Florida, was one of the most unstoppable characters in history. A slightly more realistic version of QB Eagles, nonetheless he could run around in the pocket and never be caught, giving his receivers time to run around and get open. He then could, of course, throw the ball right on the nuts, even though he was sprinting around and half the time had his back turned. He makes Frank Gore obsolete however, so look for a trade.

11. Buffalo Bills - DT Jerry Ball, Super Tecmo Bowl.
Buffalo needs some serious help for a horrible, horrible defensive line, and Jerry Ball fits the bill. The originator of the only play ever to completely make teams change playbooks, on certain plays (usually out of the pro set) Ball could dive immediately after the snap, going right between the center and guard, and sliding six yards into the backfield to either sack the QB or take down the RB right after the handoff. Truly a game-changer.

12. Denver Broncos - QB Michael Vick, Madden.
With Cutler gone, you don't want to turn the keys over to Orton because that has disaster written all over it. Instead, go with the guy who made 8,000 people quit in the middle of online Madden games. Seriously, if you went online to play, I swear 90% of players were using the Falcons and Vick, whose pass and run combination was only behind QB Eagles and the NCAA version of Culpepper in terms of completely devastating and demoralizing an opponent. Plus, Denver doesn't have any running backs either, so this makes sense to both give them a passer (which he was on the game for some inexplicable reason) and a running threat.

13. Washington Redskins - CB Chris McAlister, Madden.
I believe the Redskins are currently starting Fred Smoot at corner (Fred Smoot!) which makes picking up a corner here a no-brainer. You can't do much better than McAlister, who used to sit in that cover two and just wait for your opponent to throw the out route, and even if the receiver was ten yards passed him he always managed to leap up and grab it. The way Madden set it up, after the pick it was always smooth and wide open sailing for a McAlister TD. It got so bad at one point I actually felt bad for the computer. Until the next time it cheated.

14. New Orleans Saints - RB Christian Okoye, Tecmo Super Bowl.
Saints fans sick of the commitment to third-down-back-at-best-should-be-a-WR Reggie Bush can rejoice, as NO finally gets the manly running back they deserve in the Nigerian Nightmare. Seriously, remember when Okoye was EXCELLENT and instead of going for the endzone you'd just look for little bitch defenders to send bouncing? It didn't get much better than that, my friends. And it's ok that he can't catch, since it's pretty much the only thing Bush can do well. It's kind of like Thunder and Lightning, but more like Thunder and low-wattage Light Bulb.

15. Houston Texans - OL Indianapolis Colts, Madden 2009.
I know you're generally not allowed to draft an entire unit, but since the Texans have given up more sacks in their history than any other franchise, I'm going to go ahead and allow it. Usually on Madden, if you need to blitz you go ahead and use Engage Eight, which sends eight of your guys at the QB, is unblockable, and the only way you get burned is if your opponent sees it and hits somebody on a quick hitter. Not the Colts. Somehow their five guys can block eight guys, and Manning sits back and has his pick of five receivers vs. three DBs. That should help out Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson quite a bit.

16. San Diego Chargers - OT Willie Roaf, Madden.
Similar to Walter Jones way up there, Roaf was rated a 99 for a whole lot of years, and generally just overwhelmed the left side of the line. I just so happened to once team up LT and Roaf in a Madden draft, and LT proceeded to rush for over 2,500 yards that season. So, there you go.

17. New York Jets - RB/LB/DT/TE The Troll, Jerry Glanville's Pigskin Footbrawl.
The Jets need a little bit of everything, and The Troll does a little bit of everything. Unstoppable with the ball, he can get the Jets offense going as he's pretty much an Okoye/Bo Jackson cross if their abilities were squared, and on defense he can rip the arms off an offensive lineman and beat the QB to death with them. I mean come on, not even axes and swords can stop this guy. Truly a steal at #17. Look at this beast:

18. Denver Broncos - DE Hugh Green, Bill Walsh.
Didn't Denver just pick? Well, they got their QB and now it's time to work on the D-Line. Green played for Pitt on Bill Walsh College Football, and everything written above about Alfred Williams applies to him as well, except he pretty much guarantees you a recovered onside kick. Denver could be winning games without the other team every touching the ball.

19. Tampa Bay Bucs - TE Marv Cook, Tecmo Super Bowl.
Tampa has a lot of needs, but there's no way this guy can slip any further, and his pass-catching ability will compliment the dropsies of Michael Clayton (not the crappy movie) and Antonio Bryant well. Nobody was better at finding the cushion of a zone. No matter how late you got in the Tecmo season, Cook could always get open. Even with the noodle-armed Steve Grogan running the QB show for the Pats, he set the all-time record for catches in a season. Really just a solid, solid pick here for the Bucs.

20. Detroit Lions - OT Billy Bob, West Canaan Coyotes.
Not technically a video game character, the Lions now need someone to protect their investment in QB Eagles, and since I can only come up with two dominant video game linemen (Jones & Roaf), I have to think outside the box a bit here. But who wouldn't want Billy Bob? Pre-concussion, he was a dominant force, able to block two players at once and pancaking both of them and helping lead Lance Harbor to back-to-back All-Texas berths and West Canaan to two state titles. After his concussion he went through a rough patch, giving up the sack that ended Harbor's career and battling his own demons of alcoholism and depression, he could have become the next Tony Mandarich. Instead, he reached down within himself and became once again what he once was, as well as showing the tantalizing ability to run with the ball, making him not only an A+ offensive lineman and a tough, gritty, gutty human being, but also a stellar goalline fullback as well. Who could be better?

21. Philadelphia Eagles - RB Charles White, Bill Walsh.
Poor widdle Brian Westbrook can't ever stay healthy for a full season, and really needs a quality dude to split time with. Enter his perfect compliment, 1979 Heisman Trophy winner from USC and Bill Walsh stud Charles White. Now, White could never hold down a full-time gig, because he gets too tuckered. You see, on his first rush of the half, every single game, White was so fast he couldn't be caught, and if he was caught his spin move would send the defender flying further than Sonic with the badniks. But that was it. One guaranteed TD per half, and then he was spent and worthless, so much so that you pretty much had to pull him for that slacker Marcus Allen. Still though, since he'll only have to split time with Westbrook, this makes a lot of sense.

22. Minnesota Vikings - QB Beau Morgan, NCAA.
The defense is fine, but the offense needs some serious work. Strengths = good o-line, good TE, good fullback, and two good running backs. Weaknesses = no receivers, bad QBs. Solution = wishbone, baby. And nobody ever ran it better than Air Force Beau Morgan on NCAA football. You scoff. You laugh. You say, "You can't run the wishbone in the NFL." But you're wrong. Did you notice how this "wildcat" offense really caught on? The wishbone is the next wildcat, and it all starts with the Vikes and Morgan, AP, Chuck Taylor, and whoever that fullback is.

23. New England Patriots - QB Brian Brohm, Madden 2009.
You know who always finds the diamonds in the rough? Belicheck and the Patriots. And before you question why Brohm is a diamond in the rough, keep in mind that I'm talking about Madden 2009 Brohm, not the one who played for Louisville. The reason why he belongs on the Pats is that he might not have the prettiest ratings, but he's a winner. I saw Bogart draft Brohmy in a fantasy draft on 2009, and he went ahead and took that team to the conference championship in his first year and I foresee great things in his future. And Belicheck wants to be along for the ride.

24. Atlanta Falcons - DT Dan Saleumua, Tecmo Super Bowl.
What Jerry Ball created (nose tackle cheater dive play), Dan Saleumua perfected. He's much faster than Ball, and can usually get to the QB before he can even handoff on the right plays. The other bonus about Samoan Dan is his propensity to cause fumbles. Even better, when he recovers them, he inexplicably runs faster than any other player at any position on any team ever in history, and is completely uncatchable. Seriously, if you take KC for a season you are pretty much guaranteed to have this guy hit for six. Plus, jesus, look at this effing guy.

25. Miami Dolphins - S David Fulcher, Tecmo Super Bowl.
The only other DB behind Lott who can make any ballcarrier, even Okoye, go down with a touch when in EXCELLENT mode, Fulcher will dramatically upgrade a Dolphin secondary in dire need of a playmaker. This quote from Wikipedia says the rest better than I ever could, "Fulcher lives on in the minds of Bengals fans, and through the popular video game Tecmo Super Bowl, where his speed and incredible hitting power continue to devastate unsuspecting wide receivers." Holla.


26. Baltimore Ravens - RB Thurman Thomas, Tecmo Super Bowl.
A team in desperate need of a playmaker, and has been for like, twenty years, the Ravens find themselves very smiley when they announce their pick of Thurman Thomas. Basically Roger Craig 2.0 (but faster), Thomas can kill you through the air and the ground. The biggest threat on Tecmo Super Bowl to go for the coveted 1,000/1,000 mark, Thomas will likely touch the ball on 90%+ of offensive plays the Ravens run.

27. Indianapolis Colts - DT Charles Grant, Madden.
This guy doesn't necessarily have the instant name recognition and memory recall that most of the others have, but trust me when I tell you that he dominated Madden in the early OOs. Grant was the kind of guy who, at least whenever my friend 2P drafted him, dominated no matter the scenario. Whether the games were simulated, or he played but didn't control Grant, or even if he controlled Grant, it didn't matter - the dude killed. It sucked double because 2P sucked at Madden, but Grant really helped him out - as he will the Colts.

28. Buffalo Bills - TE Cap Boso, Tecmo Bowl.
With Terrell Owens now on board, that's going to open up a lot of room in the middle - and we know Lee Evans isn't going anywhere near it - so that makes a nice TE like Boso a perfect pick for the Bills. He's not exactly going to stretch the field in any way, but if you ever played against Chicago on Tecmo Bowl you know that no matter what, even if you guess the play, you can hit Boso over the middle on a slant every single time. With a shitty QB like Trent Edwards, you really need reliability like that.

29. New York Giants - MLB Ray Lewis, Madden.
As good as Lewis was in real life - at linebackering, not at killing people - he was even better in Madden. For a solid nine year stretch or so there, he had the speed of a WR and the strength of an offensive lineman, to go along with the intelligence that only comes from a CPU who already knows the play you picked. It sucked hard going up against this guy. Your only chance was to hope the dude you were playing would switch to him, because you can always juke the manual control, but you can never juke a CPU controlled Ray Lewis.

30. Tennessee Titans - WR Haywood Jeffires, Tecmo Super Bowl.
In reality, I'd probably want a QB if I'm here, because the Titans' choices right now are either captain shitty or professor old man, but I can't think of another QB who really stood out, so I'm going to go with another position they need - wideout. Now, the Oilers were loaded with talent at WR, and Drew Hill had better ratings, and Ernest Givens has more name recognition, but Jeffires was the true killer in Tecmo world. Nobody came down with more jump balls than Haywood. Pretty much anytime you needed to, just call the play where everybody goes deep, drop back as far as you can, and chuck it up to Jeffires - he'd come down with it more often than not. Since Kerry Cocktail can't throw it deeper than 30, this might be Bogart's guy Vince Young's last chance to shine.

31. Arizona Cardinals - RB Neal Anderson, Tecmo Super Bowl.
With Edge old and all weird, and nobody really ready to take up the mantle, most certainly not JJ Arrington, so the best RB left makes a nice pick in Neal from the Bears. He was always good no matter what, but when he hit EXCELLENT status he made Bo Jackson look like Merrill Hoge. He can also catch the ball, which makes him a nice fit for the pass happy Cards, but I can't help wondering how he's going to fare without his boyfriend Brad Muster along to help anymore.

32. Pittsburgh Steelers - CB Marcus Trufant, Madden.
I team with no major weaknesses, the Steelers get better by adding one of the great CBs in video game history in Trufant. I know there are guys with better rankings, and guys who are more well known, but I have never in my video game life seen a guy shut down a side of a field more completely than Trufant. Seriously, the last time I played against him I knew how the coaches that go up against Champ Bailey feel. Of course, the other side was like throwing against Fred Smoot, but that's not really the point.


So there you have it. The first ever NFL Mock Draft I've ever done. I'm sure I missed one or two people who could have made it, and I'm sure you will all let me know, but overall I'm pretty satisfied with the results. I mean come on! Who wouldn't want to see the wishbone? And a troll for god sakes! A Troll!!!!!!!!!

Watch Out for the A-10

As I said earlier this week, I won't be writing a Weekend Review because I'm heading to Chicago for vacation tomorrow, but if I did surely the top spot for WHO WAS AWESOME would go to The Atlantic 10 conference, giant killers of the basketball world.

Earlier today Temple knocked off #8 Tennessee decisively, 88-72, and UMass went into Kansas and beat the Jayhawks 61-60, despite trying as hard as they could to choke the game away. Add in that earlier this week St Joe's came within a hair of winning at #15 Villanova and Xavier's continued dominance (currently ranked tenth) and it's possible this conference might be for real this year.

They have a nice handful of good wins earlier this season as well, with Xavier having beat Memphis, Dayton over Marquette, St Louis over B.C., and Charlotte over Mississippi State (and don't forget Rhode Island almost beating Duke at Cameron). Add in the wins from today, and the A-10 is looking pretty good, although it might be tough to get more than 2 bids, as per usual.

Other stuff:

- Took in the Georgetown/Memphis game this afternoon, and got to see two of the better freshmen I've seen this year in Memphis's Tyreke Evans and Greg Monroe from Georgetown.

Evans didn't play his best ever game, shooting just 8-24 and turning it over five times but you can see how good this kid is by watching him. He makea more mistakes and forces more shots than you'd like, and with him and fellow freshmen Wes Witherspoon in charge of the backcourt the Tigers are pretty much doomed to not make it out of the first weekend of the NCAA tournament, but he is immensely talented and full of potential. He's already one of the best I've ever seen at getting to the rim. When he drives, where most people would pull up and shoot the jumper he finds a way to get just a little bit closer - it's crazy. And he plays the game faster than anybody else out there, he will absolutely be gone after this year.

Monroe's numbers didn't stand out either in the 79-70 OT win for the Hoyas, but the guy looks crazy good. He's an excellent defender already, as is typical of a Georgetown big man, and is an excellent scorer in the paint and a very intelligent player with the ball. What sets him apart from most seven footers is his perimeter game. Not so much a jump shot, which I don't think he really has, but he's very comfortable with the ball out there, whether passing to set up the offense or putting it on the floor to get to the rim. His ball handling skills are among the best I've seen in a center, and when another seven footer has to guard him out there he can go right by him - a big reason Memphis held him in check is their big men are athletic, not the bigger, stronger, plodding types.

- Speaking of plodding big men, I didn't get to watch as much of the Kansas/UMass game because I was paying more attention to the Memphis/G-Town game, but from what I did see Cole Aldrich was getting worked over by the Minutemen's Tony Gaffney. It turns out they both ended up with 13 rebounds and Aldrich outscored him 12-6, but Gaffney had six blocks and my eyes don't lie my friend, Cole struggles with the quicker, more athletic guys. Texas is going to beat them by twenty.

- Speaking of my eyes, I know people like it when I interrupt my rambling words with pictures of attractive young ladies, so here's a picture of the video game channel's Olivia Munn dressed up as Princess Leia. Rawr:


- Ok, pay attention again. Speaking of video games, if haven't rented The King of Kong yet, I must insist you stop what you're doing right now and go rent it and then watch it immediately. And if you want more red-hot Billy Mitchell action, search MTV for an episode of True Life called, "I'm a gamer." The whole episode is awesome and mainly follows other people, but there is a nice little bonus of some Billy Mitchell d-baggery that puts a nice follow-up (even thought this episode was filmed first) to King of Kong.

- So you know what's weird and actually pretty irritating? Utah has, right where the player's name is supposed to be, the word "Utah." So it says Utah on both the front and back of the jersey. What I'm guessing is that this is a seriously annoying dork motivational bit to say, "We aren't a collection of individuals. We're a team. We're UTAH!" Gayest thing ever? It's up there. Top five probably.

- And, just to make sure I end this on the right note, can anyone explain why the hell ESPN is showing a game from 1958 on ESPN in prime time tonight? So they've decided to take a game that should be on ESPN Classic, prettied it up and colorized it and made it HD, and then put it on in prime time on Saturday night. What the Mother F? As if it wasn't bad enough when they tried to force their stupid movies and insipid weekly series down our throats in prime time, now they try to give us a fifty year old game? Who is going to watch this? Eighty year olds? I'm lame, I'm not doing anything except sitting around the house tonight and not doing anything remotely interesting, and this is still dead last on the list of things I want to watch at 8pm tonight. Seriously. You know what I'd rather watch that is going up against this? Super Troopers on Comedy Central, and that's a horrible, horrible movie, but it's better than watching a game from back when Leave it to Beaver was must see TV (did you know there's a patron saint of television by the way, as named by the Pope in 1958? That is truly bizarre). You know what else I'd rather watch? ANYTHING. It boggles the mind. There are plenty of basketball games not being televised tonight, and you're supposed to be an all-sports station. PICK ONE.

[Added] I'm popping back in here again because while we were watching Twilight online I had the Cincy/Xavier game on in the background and some big guy for Cincy made a very nice, athletic move at the free throw line leading to a nice dunk, and when he turned around his name was Toyloy, and sure enough, it's the same Steven Toyloy the Gophers offered a scholarship to this offseason. He ended up signing with the Bearcats, and is playing pretty well and looked good the little bit I saw him. He's averaging 16 minutes a game, putting up 4 points and 5 rebounds per game, good enough for second leading rebounder on the team. Guy seems pretty solid.

And also congrats to Sammy "Sixxkiller" Bradford on winning the Heisman trophy. I'm just glad that moron Tim Teblows didn't win.

Weekend Review

Once again, in my highly educated opinion, the Gopher hoops team didn't do enough to get into the Who was Awesome bucket, but also certainly didn't suck, so they won't be making an appearance in this Weekend Review. For all my thoughts on the win at Colorado State, see the post below this one.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Michigan Hoops. The Big Ten basketball pecking order was pretty well set, with Purdue, Ohio State, Wisconsin, and Michigan State in one tier, and everyone else in the other. Who would step up and take that fifth spot, and likely put themselves in the bubble conversation come season’s end? I had hoped it would be the Gophers, but after this week Michigan took a big step in the right direction with their 55-52 upset win over UCLA in the Coaches vs. Cancer semifinals. They ended up losing by 15 to Duke in the final, but that win will loom large if they end up on the bubble in March, not to mention it may serve as notice that the Wolverines are back to being a legitimate team.

2. Utah Football. I had mentioned BYU in this space before as a team that had a chance to come from outside the Big Six conferences to grab a BCS bowl bid, but they’re old news now, with Utah smoking them 48-24 to finish the season 12-0, winning the Mountain West and giving them a spot in one of the BCS bowls. Utah is no joke, as they have the most wins against Big Six teams for a team outside those conferences since the BCS began with 16, and are 10-3 against those teams since 2004, with wins over Michigan and possible Pac-10 champ Oregon State this season. They are going to give some BCS team a hell of a game this bowl season.

3. Michael Turner. The Burner rushed for 4 Touchdowns and 117 yards, kicking division leading Carolina right in their stupid faces and bring Atlanta to 7-4, just one game back. I've spent a lot of time writing about the Falcons here, and rightly so as it's a hell of a story. They are likely a playoff team and a dark horse super bowl contender, all with a rookie quarterback and a pretty much revamped offense. I'm sure Bogart's guy Mike Vick is having a great time in prison though, so that's good. His team will probably win the prison bowl, so that's a ring right there.

4. Xavier. The Musketeers won the Puerto Rico Tip Off Challenge after beating Missouri, Virginia Tech, and #13 Memphis in the final. An impressive run, particularly for a team I thought had lost too much from the excellent teams of the last few years to be anything other than an Atlantic 10 contender. Just like the last few years, they are doing it with a balanced attack; they have three guys averaging double figure scoring, and six who are at 7.8 ppg or better. The big key to this team is freshman point guard Terrell Holloway, who has stepped in for Drew Lavender and is keeping the team going. He doesn't put up great numbers and isn't particularly flashy, but he runs the offense well and keeps the game in his control in the final minutes, and his 96% free throw shooting helps immensely down the stretch. Two things about Memphis: it is impossible to keep Robert Dozier and Shawn Taggert off the boards, and free throws are still going to be a problem. Oh, and Tyreke Evans is really good, and perfect for that system.

5. Down with Goldy. I know what you're thinking, "DWG is always awesome, you don't need to put it in this list to tell us that, we all know." And it's true, DWG is always awesome, but we recently received some nice praise that I want to tell you about. A site called Learning XL, which gives tips, tools, and resources for lifelong learners, has included us in the Top 100 College Sports Blogs. We here at DWG are flattered, humbled, and bewildered by our inclusion. A big thanks to LearningXL and their parent, UniXL.com


WHO SUCKED

1. Gopher Football. Embarrassing. Anyone who calls this season a success should be stabbed in the face.

2. Pac 10 Hoops. Remember last year, when the Pac was arguably the best conference in the country? Yeah, that’s not happening this year. UCLA lost to Michigan. USC lost to Seton Hall and Missouri. Washington lost to Portland. Arizona lost to UAB. Oregon lost to Oakland. Oregon State lost to Howard. Essentially, the Pac 10 has lost every significant test they’ve had this season, other than UCLA’s win over Southern Illinois. There were arguments last season that the conference could have had 8 teams in the tournament; this year it looks like four would be lucky.

3. SEC Hoops. Not quite an embarrassment to the level of the Pac 10 this year, but SEC teams aren’t exactly lighting the world on fire right now either. Kentucky has that big loss to VMI and was embarrassed pretty good by North Carolina. Georgia lost to a horrible Loyola of Chicago team, Vandy lost to Illinois, Alabama and Auburn both lost at home to Mercer, Arkansas lost to Missouri State, and Ole Miss lost their only test against Utah. They aren’t quite down to the level of the Pac 10, and Tennessee and Florida should both be fine, but the conference has not impressed thus far.

4. Philadelphia Eagles. Stick a fork in the Eagles and Donovan McNabb, they suck - as I predicted. In what may have been the ugliest game by a team this year other than the Gophers, the Eagles got rolled by Baltimore 36-7, after turning the ball over five times including a 108 yard interception return for a TD by Ed Reed. McNabb was benched after putting up a 13.4 rating for the game, replaced by Kevin Kolb who was much better with a 15.3. Even worse, the 7 points they managed to score didn't even come from the offense, and was on a kick return by Quinton Demps, who I'm going to assume is the brother of Will. According to an article on yahoo what that I can't find the link to now, McNabb is likely on his way out of Philly. Welcome to Minnesota, Donovan. The good news here is that Baltimore was my defense in one of my fantasy leagues yesterday.

Awesome

This is not a Good Day

No big shocker here, but I was unable to get to the Yankee/Twins game tonight at Yankee stadium. Due to a delayed flight, the worlds longest line at the rental place, incredible New York traffic, and drive incompetence by the time I got to my hotel the game was already in the third, so there was no real point. But what really makes me realize my jackassery, is that I was so focused on getting to the damn Yankee/Twin game I completely ignored the Mets. Who were playing at Shea. Shea, which I drove right past, including signs that said "All Shea Stadium Parking exit here" implying there is actually parking there. Not to mention that Johan was pitching. Against the Phillies, a team I really like. So I could have just gone to that game with little frustration. Instead, I ended up having to watch the Yankees/Twins at Hooters, the only "sports bar" in this crapass crap town. So I thought I'd be at Yankee Stadium, and ended up at Hooters. Kind of like I set out for the Louvre and found myself in Chateau d'If.

- Hooters is so crappy, I felt really dirty just being there and all I wanted was to eat some wings and watch the game. It was full of dirty old men in sweatpants who were there by themselves and couldn't tear their eyes away from the not very attractive wait staff. And the wings were terrible. And so was the service. So I left. Turns out, this shitbox hotel doesn't get YES, the Yankee network, so I can't watch the game here. But they have an option to order the DirecTV MLB ticket, so I did that for $9.99 (which my company will pay for, god bless them). But, because I'm in NJ almost NY, the game is blacked out. So there's no way I can watch it other than going back to Hooters, and I'd rather trade for LenDale White than do that. So I'm "watching" it on yahoo.

- The good news though is that I want to get the most out of my purchase, so I'm betting on all the late games. I took the Dodgers, Cubs, Angels, Red Sox, and Nationals. I had to bet on my boy Clayton Kershaw. Look out for this kid. And not the Andrew Miller kind of look out, the good kind. Also, betting websites should never, ever change their interface. It makes it very difficult for drunken degenerates.

- So yeah, I got a little lost on the way to the hotel coming out of JFK. I somehow ended up driving through Harlem, which was actually less terrifying than I would have expected. It wasn't like the movie depictions of Rwanda like I expected. Didn't see former WWF wrestler Bad News Brown there though, which was pretty disappointing. I'm still pretty sure most of NYC is still a cesspool though. Except Queens, I kind of like Queens.

- Nice to see that after I left Hooters the Twins managed to implode. This team is so horrible, don't let their record fool you, they're out performing their expected win/loss record by a good margin. It was very nice to see Span leading off and Gomez hitting ninth, though. I'm pretty sure that's the first decision Gardy has ever made that I agree with. Sidenote: listening to Yankee radio, the announcers LOVE Gardy. Love him. Like a fat kid loves cake. I totally don't get it.

- You know what really bothered me about Hooters though, was one of the slogans they had on the waitress's t-shirts. They had a bunch of different ones, and one of them was pretty good (Hooters: More than a mouthful) but the one that really pissed me off was Hooters: Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined. Um, tacky and unrefined mean pretty much the same thing, asshats. Nice marketing department. Just stick to boobs and wings and leave everything else alone.

- Don't worry, I managed to find a liquor store, so I have plenty of beer.

- So you're probably wondering about the golf tournament I played in yesterday. It did not go well. I was the best player on our team, and when that happens you know you are in major trouble - although I did chip in from about 40 yards on the first hole. We were totally outclassed, as we shot +2 while the winning score was -20. There were some rules in place to make scores a little better, which makes our +2 all the more embarrassing. Oh well, we raised money for a good cause and got to spend the day out of the office. Also, Clayton Kershaw sucks.

- At one of the upcoming games at Yankee Stadium they are giving away a "Derek Jeter Uno Deck." I really wish I was making this up. Also I just figured out that the Mariners pitcher tonight, RA Dickey, is a knuckleballer, and I love me some knuckleballers ever since Charlie Hough - and I can throw a solid one myself. Of course, guess which game isn't offered on this MLB package.

- It's not a trade that is going to get a whole lot of press, but can someone explain to me why the Astros would trade minor league prospect Chad Reineke for old man Randy Wolf of the Padres? They aren't in contention, being twelve games out in the division and ten games in the wildcard race and are a bad, bad team. It's not to save money, because Reineke is a minor leaguer with no major league service time, and Wolf will cost them somewhere around 3 million this year. It's not for the future, because Wolf is a free agent at the end of the season and has already said he'd be interested in signing with the Padres again after the season. Guess what else? Reineke isn't just some no name minor leaguer. Going into the season he was ranked as the #6 prospect in the Astros system. They're still trying to figure out if he's better suited to a starting or relieving role, but he's certainly worth more than two months of a 31-year old below average starter with a career WHIP of 1.35. Weirdest trade ever. Reineke must be a pedophile or something. The only rationale I can find anywhere is a quote from Astros GM Ed Wade, who said , "I've known Randy since the day he signed his first professional contract. I can say without hesitation that he brings every quality that you'd want in a member of your team, both on and off the field." Well, you know, except for getting batters out and such. But at least he ain't no gad durned pedophile.

- I'm watching the Nats/Giants game and it's the Washington feed, and the Nationals' GM is talking about Cristian Guzman and it's kind of like listening to John Madden talk about Brett Favre or Bert Blyleven talk about any Twin in history. On the one hand, I want to like the guy because he's referenced WHIP and multiple year statistical trends, but on the other hand he called Guzman a leader who plays the game the right way. He must be on drugs.

- I haven't written any basketball in a while, so here's a quick, non-researched take on the Big Ten: It's going to be a tough season for our beloved Gophers. Besides having the worst mascot in history, they are going to be extraordinarily inexperienced. I have high hopes for the newcomers, but it's going to be tough. Bostick looks like he'll be a good scorer, and I think Joseph and Sampson will become high quality guys, but don't know how soon. I'm not super confident in Paul Carter or Colt Iverson but I trust Tubby. I'm guessing it will take them at least a year to round into shape. If Nolen can take a step forward, it will go a long way towards helping the team, and I think DJ can be a total beast. The good news is most of the Big Ten looks like a suck. Iowa, Northwestern, Indiana, Penn State, Michigan, and Illinois will be garbage. Michigan State will be good but might take a small step back. Wisconsin is always good, no matter what their talent looks like. It's kind of a minor miracle, Bo Ryan must be some kind of jesus guy. Ohio State is reloading as if they're the football team now. Purdue looks like the team to beat, but with all the sub-mediocrity going on the Gophers could easily finish in the middle of the pack. There you go.

- I'm going to come clean here. I don't really like football that much. I watch it, I enjoy it, I dominate fantasy football, but I don't like it the way I do baseball and college basketball and even golf. I especially can't find it to get into college football. But even I know that Gopher Nation's comparison of Juice Williams to Mike Vick is harsh. Is it accurate? I don't know. I think I heard of Juice Williams once and then I laughed because his name is Juice and missed the rest of whatever they were saying.

- So, yeah, here's a preview of Step Brothers on right now. Does anyone else think Will Ferrell makes way too many movies? I mean, I think he's funny and I'm a fan, but take break once in a while. Semi-Pro was horrible, and Talledegha Nights wasn't much better. That one where he was serious wasn't good either, and Step Brothers looks like it's going to be brutal. When is he going to be funny again? I haven't laughed at Will Ferrell since this.

- Abu Shamala dominating in world competition. From the Barn has all the relevant links and comments. I don't even have anything to add. I don't have the energy. And since I'm linking all the Gopher blogs I'm aware of, PJS went ahead and did his fancy "research" and found a really solid Tubby interview. I say really solid because it sounds like the kind of thing gopher fans should read, not because I actually read it. Because I didn't. But I will. Tomorrow.

- Last Minnesota blog bit, but if I haven't recommended it before, a quality daily read is TNABACG, which I'm almost certain stands for The National Anthem Before a Cubs Game, but it's a Minnesota blog. I don't get it either, but he's a quality read. I know I have him linked on the right over there, but I want to call him out. He doesn't have us linked on his site, which probably means he has bad taste, but still, quality output. I won't hold it against him. Yet.

- I really hate people who call shoes "kicks." Don't do it.

- So I guess I usually do a thing where I say some girl is hot at some point in all this mess. The first one who comes to mind is Cobie Smulders (seen above). Worst name ever? Yes. Hot? Yes. And she's brilliant as Robin on How I Met Your Mother, a truly underrated show also starring Jason Segal of Freaks and Geeks fame whose penis I also saw far, far too often in Forgetting Sarah Marshall which was awesome and also starred the superhot Mila Kunis who was on That 70's Show which, funny, is actually on right now until I change the channel like right now because that show sucks. I also really like Maggie Gyllenhall (sp?), but I know I'm in the minority there so I won't bother posting a picture.

- ESPNU has wrestling on right now. God that's hot.

- So Nick Faldo, frequent commenter on DWG, has joined staff as our golf writer guy since Grandslam is missing in action and both Theory and Dr Acula are to wussy to write anything. Or at least I think so. We have had a communication issue over the past two weeks, but hopefully something from him shows up tomorrow for the FBR Canadian Open. You want a quick W style precap: Furyk should win, and will play well but won't. Weir won't be able to handle the home country pressure yet again, as Anthony Kim and Camilo Villegas go down to the wire, with Villegas picking up his first PGA Tour win (I think). If you're in my fantasy golf league don't take any of those guys.

- Tila Tequila should be lit on fire. I don't even know why she's famous.

- In case you missed it, Gopher sort of target and highly ranked PG Mfon Udofia comitted to Georgia Tech. It was pretty clear he wasn't coming to the Gophers, but this just makes Lacy all that much more important. Can Udofia be the next Mark Price, Travis Best, Kenny Anderson, or Stephon Marbury? I'm going to say no. He's going to hope he's the next Matt Causey.

- Sarah Chalke is still hot. Oh, Scrubs is on. Sorry. Point stands.

- You know what pisses me off? This whole Mario Kart shortage. Since I assume you aren't me, here's what's going on: You can't find it anywhere, and the few places that do get it from time to time sell out just after they open. How can there be a shortage of a game? It makes no sense. Here's what you need to make a game: a program, a CD, an amaray, a book, and a label. Do you see anything in that list at all that would suggest a shortage? Anything other than the program would suggest a whole Wii game line shortage, which hasn't happened. And considering they are pumping out a few games every couple of weeks, I don't think the program became corrupted. The only explanation is an intentional shortage by Nintendo to pump up demand. That is so aggravating. Seriously, when I eventually find this game in a store I'm still going to buy it but when I do I'm going to be all huffy about it, so take that, Nintendo.

- Please, please, please tell me this whole Blue Collar Comedy fad is over. Please. I actually prefer Croc shoes to the Blue Collar Comedy thing, especially that god damned Ron White. Also, if you have ever worn Crocs please stop reading this blog forever. Thanks.

- Remember when Jason Lee was funny?

- I think I'm pretty much done here, but one thing I thought of lately was Three True Outcomes in baseball. It refers to strikeouts, walks, and homeruns because those are the three possible pitcher/batter results that don't involve the other players on the field, in general. Guys like Adam Dunn, Rob Deer, and Russ Branyan are classic TTO guys. It doesn't necessarily mean anyone is better or worse than anyone else, it's just a thing. Interestingly, the Twins are about as far away from TTO as possible. They're in the bottom seven in MLB in all three true outcomes. Not that it means much, it's just interesting to nerds.

- Get this. I'm ready to call it a night, and I need a water because that's just what I need at the end of the night, but for whatever reason this hotel doesn't supply any and there's no vending machines either. I'm not going to drink tap water because I'm far too fancy for that so I go down to the front desk gift shop thing to get one. It's really, really small, and as I'm getting my water some d-bag comes in after me. He's sees my hat (Twins) and says "hey what's that hat." And I say "the Twins." And he says, "The Minnesota Twins?" so I say yes. Now, keep in mind I can't get past him without pushing him out of my way, not a bad option at this point. He asks if I was at the game and I say no and blah blah blah and he asks where I work after I tell him that's why I'm out here and it's a fairly well known company - keep that in mind. He asks - again - why I didn't go to the game and I tell him about getting in late and then explain the whole subway issue - you know, how you have to go down into the city and then back up and it would take two hours each way and all that. Then he says, and I'm not kidding, "So wait, you work for Subway?" Yet, if I was to punch him square in the junk, I'd be the one arrested. How is that fair?