Tuesday Talkings (+bonus surprise happy fun-time US Open Preview)

-  First off, congrats to Dirk Dirkington and the Mavs on winning the NBA title.  Just as Lord Locksley once told us "Never fear, good will overcome.  Trust in that" and it once again rings true with the evil Heat vanquished by the shining whiteness of Dirk.  Of course, rather than focus on that most of the media is trying to dissect what's wrong with Lebron, but at this point it should be pretty obvious, especially to anybody who spent a lot of time watching the Timberwolves.  Forget Jordan.  Forget Magic, even.  He's basically a more athletic, shorter, Kevin Garnett.  They both have skill sets that are amazing for someone their size, they're both physical freaks, and they're both very intense on the court - for 3 quarters.  Just as KG didn't want to be the man (or maybe simply couldn't be the man) with the game on the line, Lebron is similar, which is why his pairing with Wade generally works (don't forget, they did make the finals, even if they lost).

-  Two quick notes on AL Central pitchers:  First, Justin Verlander is the best pitcher in baseball.  He pitched a complete game 2-hit shutout tonight (7.1 no-hit innings) with 12 Ks and just one walk.  He now leads the majors with a 0.89 WHIP and has struck out 105 Ks while allowing just 73 hits.  105 Ks vs. 73 hits meaning you're 50% more likely to strike out against him than get a hit.  Not to mention just knowing he's going to go out there and throw and give you a solid game is an amazing luxury to have.  He's thrown at least 115 pitches in a game 7 times this year (and never thrown less than 104).  Jered Weaver is the only other pitcher who has done that at least 6 times.  He's just so good.  Best pitcher in the league, and I'm not even sure who else you could make an argument for.

The other AL Central pitcher worth noting is Carlos Carrasco of the Indians.  You may remember him as the dude who shut down the Twins and I'm guessing you figured he was just the latest in a long, long line of shitty pitchers who looked like jesus odin against the crappy Minnesota bats, joining the likes of Kyle Drabek (just sent to AAA), Aaron Laffey (demoted to bullpen), Mark Rcepczynski (also bullpen), Luke Hochevar (plain sucks), Jeff Niemann (either hurt or in AAA, can't find it), and Luke French (back in AAA for the third sraight year) - jesus would you look at that crap?  Anyway, Carrasco followed up his Twink shutdown by doing the same against the Yankees as well.  He might actually be good.  I'm not saying I'm just saying.  Keep your eye on him.  I'm distracted now though because Mrs. W is watching the Voice and Xtina's boobs have gone from sublime to ridiculous.  Of course, it's the kind of ridiculous that is also has some bad that goes with it, but I'd still pay a significant amount of money to motor boat those puppies for a few seconds.

-  Speaking of boobs, I was planning on writing more tonight but I just got a text message and an email from the one, the only, the great Grandslam with his always awesome golf preview, this time for the US Open which is happening this weekend.  So here we go:

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2011 U.S. Open Preview

It seems like every year the U.S. Open comes around, we’re discussing how it will be the longest course in U.S. Open History.  This year’s version will be exactly that.  The 111^th version of the U.S. Open will be held at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, MD, and the course will measure at 7,574 yards making it the new U.S. Open record.  This year’s version will look much differently than it did in 1997 when the tournament was last held here.  The most notable change will be to the finishing 18^th hole which will once again be a par 4 after experimenting with a par 3 finish in ’97.  

The U.S. Open is flat out the most entertaining golf tournament of the whole year.  Many fans don’t like to watch a tournament where the possible winning score could be over par.  I personally enjoy watching the best players in the world struggle to get their ball in the hole.  It’s entertaining to watch a birdie fest, but watching a golf course that makes players of this caliber look like players at the local municipal is as entertaining as it gets.  USGA executive director Mike Davis has a theory every year when setting up the U.S. Open course, and that is to make it the hardest event these players play in all year.  To go with the length of Congressional, players can expect extremely fast greens, dry, fast fairways, and the longest, thickest rough players will see all year……if Mother Nature cooperates.

 

Once again the top story leading into a major is Tiger Woods.  However, this year’s story is a little different; the story is his absence from this year’s U.S. Open.  Tiger hasn’t played since The Masters and was expected to make his return this week.  Tiger continues to have problems with his left leg, leading critics to wonder when we will see him again.  I believe Tiger will return to form sooner than later, but from what we’ve seen from him lately, if he was playing this week, would he even be a factor?

Whether Tiger Woods was in the field or not this week, the 111^th version of the U.S. Open is wide open to the majority of the field.  With a winning score that I believe will be somewhere around even par (which the USGA is looking for) that brings a lot more players into the mix.  Schwartzel, Kaymer, Oosthuizen, McDowell, Mickelson, Yang, Cink, Glover, Cabrera, and Harrington…….what do these players have in common?  They won’t win the U.S. Open this year.  In the last ten major championships, we’ve had ten different winners.  Maybe we will have a first-time major champion if recent history repeats itself as the last four majors were all first-time winners.  

As for who to look for this week…….Well I don’t have all the answers, but whoever drives it long and accurate this week will almost surely find their name towards the top of the leader board.  As is every year in the U.S. Open, there will be a premium on hitting fairways as the rough will be up to 6” or more in some areas.  As well as accuracy, length will be a key to attacking the longest course in U.S. Open history.  I think it’s safe to say that the odds on favorite is Luke Donald.  He’s #1 in the Fed Ex Cup standings, #1 on both the PGA Tour and European Tour money lists, and oh yeah……the #1 player in the world.  Although Luke Donald has won twice this year (1 on each tour) including the biggest win of his career at the WGC-World Match Play, he will NOT win his first major this week.  Luke Donald has had an outstanding 2011 season thus far, but it could’ve potentially been record breaking.  Donald can’t seem to close tournaments on a consistent basis.  He has lost multiple times in 2011 in playoffs, and just can’t seem to find the consistency down the stretch on Sunday’s.  He’s a top-10 king this year, and that’s exactly where I see him finishing this week.

             

Alright Ladies and Gentleman, get ready to take these picks straight to Vegas……or at least your office pool.  Since this is my preview, I get to chose two players in each category so I don’t want to hear about it.

Winner:  Steve Stricker, Matt Kuchar

Contender:  Brandt Snedeker, Jonathan Byrd

Sleeper:  Kevin Streelman, Gary Woodland  

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And there you have it.  Grandslam says he doesn't have all the answers, but lucky for you I do.  Look to Hunter Mahan, Rory McIlroy, and Steve Stricker (good call here by Slam) as your favorites (along with Phil of course) with possible sleepers Jason Day, Jeff Overton, J.B. Holmes, Robert Allenby, Ben Crane, and and Brian Gay (all 100-1 or worse).  I also really like the Byrd call.  Side note:  Mrs. W is in love with Byrd.  If anybody knows him let him know if he wins the US Open and wants to work out some kid of indecent proposal that he should give me a call.

Time for a Little Golf (Masters Preview)

Our very own golf expert, Grand Slam himself, has weighed in with his Masters preview.  As previously mentioned he's destroying everyone in our fantasy golf league this year, so whether you're in a fantasy league, like to make a wager from time to time, or just dig the Masters, it's worth your time to give 'er a read.

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“A tradition unlike any other”, “There it is—as grand as it gets”, “Is it his time?.....Yes!”  “A win for the ages.”  Yes boys and girls, it’s that time of the year when Jim Nantz will give us another memorable quote to end The Masters.  I used to think the NCAA Tournament was the single greatest sporting event, but after that garbage this year, it’s not….it’s that little golf tournament played in April down in Augusta, GA.  

This will be the 75^th edition of The Masters being played at Augusta National Golf Club.  I expect a finish that has been just as, if not more exciting than previous years.  In previous years coming into the tournament, there have been a small handful of real contenders, where I see this year’s addition a little different.  For most, Phil Mickelson, who is also the defending champion has to be the odds on favorite to repeat.  He played last week’s Shell Houston Open with the mindset that he wasn’t there to win, but merely to prepare for Augusta.  So what happened?  Lefty went on to shoot the lowest winning score on the 2011 PGA Tour season.  While lefty heads to The Masters with a lot of steam, I literally see a group of 25-30 players that are legitimate contenders this year.  For that reason, I see this year’s tournament possibly being the best ever.   

Look no further than the OWGR (official world golf rankings) to see the recent domination of the European players.  The contingent to head down Magnolia Lane may be the strongest field to ever assemble in Masters History.  It all starts with the #1 player in the world Martin Kaymer.  Kaymer comes into The Masters with a solid 2011 campaign thus far.  He won his first tournament of the year at the Abu Dhabi HSBC Golf Championship against a very strong field, and recently finished 2^nd to Luke Donald at the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship.  Kaymer who won last year’s PGA Championship in a controversial finish will be looking for his 2^nd major victory in as many events.  I look for Kaymer to have a solid tournament, but his game doesn’t fit what’s needed to win at Augusta.  And of course there’s the former #1 player in the world, Tiger Woods.  We all know of Tiger’s struggles throughout the last year, but ladies and gentlemen…..this is The Masters.  Remember what happened last year after Tiger’s extensive layoff from the PGA Tour, he finished T4.  There is something about this tournament that brings out something special in Tiger.  Look at his record since turning pro, the results speak for themselves as his worst finish was 22^nd.  Although he’s not coming in on a real high note, come Sunday April 10^th, you will see Tiger’s name near, if not the top of the leaderboard. 

It’s obvious that with The Masters and the type of field invited year after year that you will get some outstanding pairings.  If you are a “rube” like myself and have access to watching specific groupings, I have picked out five that may be of interest:  

Group 6 features Dustin Johnson, Adam Scott, and Nick Watney.  Johnson may be the hottest golfer on the planet over the last year, while Scott has seemed to have found his swing of late as well as an improved putting game with his new long putter, and Nick Watney is coming off the biggest win of his career at the recent World Golf Championship.   

Group 10 features young guns Rory McIlroy, Rickie Fowler, and Jason Day.  Many people believe that both Fowler and McIlroy could win their first major this week.   

Group 16 features Tiger Woods who is a 4-time Masters champion, Graeme McDowell who is the recent U.S. Open Champion, and Robert Allenby who may be one of the top 5 ball strikers on tour and has the game to win at Augusta.   

Group 32 features defending champion Phil Mickelson, U.S. Open Champion Geoff Ogilvy, and maybe the next rising star Peter Uihlein who has remained an amateur for the chance to play here after his 2010 U.S. Amateur victory.    

Finally if you’re a fan of big tee shots, group 33 features 3 of the longest drivers of the golf ball in PGA tour rookie Jhonattan Vegas who notched his first career PGA tour win earlier in the year at the Bob Hope Classic, Gary Woodland who won a few weeks back at the Transitions Championship, and maybe the longest hitter on any tour in Alvaro Quiros.

Finally if you’re a betting man, don’t put money on Luke Donald to win The Masters.  He was the winner of today’s par 3 contest, and the winner of the par 3 contest has never gone on to win the tournament.  This really pisses me off as I have Donald in one of my Masters pools.  Ok, I’m going to shut up now, but as you can see I am extremely excited for The Masters.  It is hands down the greatest sporting event other than maybe the Lingerie Bowl.  Below you will find my 2011 Masters predictions, as if anyone cares.

What Jim Nantz quote will go into the history books this year?

Winner:  Tiger Woods

Contenders: Ian Poulter, Hunter Mahan, Nick Watney, and Bubba Watson

Sleeper:  Francesco Molinari 

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So there you have it folks, straight out of the expert's mouth (or ass?).  For the record, I'm rolling with Bill Haas at 100-1, Francesco Molinari 80-1, Hunter Mahan 25-1, Paul Casey 35-1, Justin Rose 35-1, Steve Stricker 40-1, David Toms 125-1, Jerry Kelly 250-1.  So avoid those players at all costs.  My actual pick, however, mirrors Grand Slam's because I've got a feeling about the Tiger.  You know it's coming at some point, he's been a little too quiet, and this just feels like the tournament where's it coming.  Hide your golfers and your women.

Random Thoughts on a Tuesday

A whole bunch of thoughts while watching the end of the Twins game.  I'm not exactly sure what happened because it was 4-0 Yankees when I left the YMCA and I got home and put the kid to bed and now it's 4-4.  So that's good.  And you know this whole Yankees dominating the Twins thing does have a silver lining - this is shaping up exactly like an 80s movie.  Rag tag group of misfits from the poor side of town continually beaten down by the rich, snobby, evil kids in their fancy preppy clothes, but in the end the good guys finally get over the hump and the bad guys get their comeuppance.  The Twins are really just Daniel LaRusso while the Yankees are the Cobra Kai, we just need our All Valley Karate Tournament moment, and you know it's coming.  Cue Bananarama.

- Well that was quite the turd sandwich on top of what might have been the most entertaining NCAA Tournament I can remember.  I will say though that UCONN isn't getting nearly enough credit for Butler's poor performance.  Yes, the Bulldogs missed plenty of open shots, but they also had difficulty getting good looks and the Huskies had a lot to do with that.  The reason Butler only scored 2 points in the paint the entire game wasn't because they avoided getting the ball inside or because Brad Stevens made a mistake.  They got the ball to Matt Howard and Andrew Smith on the block plenty of times but they just couldn't score against the height, length, and athleticism of Oriakhi, Okwandu, etc.  Either there shots were blocked, altered, or they needed to do something extreme to get an open look and were at a weird angle or off balance.

Butler isn't a bad team, obviously, but this was just their second opponent of this tournament who was overwhelmingly more athletic than the Bulldogs and it showed.  Old Dominion, Pitt, and Wisconsin are at about the same level as Butler, and while Florida  is a more athletic squad they didn't play their best game (credit Butler) and that athleticism translates more when they have the ball rather than when they're on defense.  Unfortunately for Butler, UCONN was/is playing at as high a level as anybody right now (especially defensively) and they just overwhelmed the Bulldogs, stopping basically all dribble penetration and destroying anybody who tried to score from the block.

Howard, in particular, was pretty pathetic, putting up a pretty sad 1-13 shooting performance, getting multiple shots blocked, and getting out-rebounded over and over again.  For the second year in a row he looked out of place in the championship game, this time to the point that my non-basketball watching friend who I was viewing the game with picked him out as "the worst player I've ever seen."  And, of course, he suckered me in and I believed in him and lost some cash on some prop bets I placed on him.  I was a fool and I'm not going to let anything like that happen again.  I'll be back next year to get rich.  As entertaining as this year's tournament was, it was murder on the wallet.

-  I'm not sure I completely understand Shaka Smart's thinking in staying at VCU.  I mean I understand, I just don't know that I agree with him that he can turn VCU into a perennial powerhouse like Butler or Gonzaga, and by turning down NC State's offer he's basically wagering a million dollars a year that he can do just that.  Even if you just look to next year things are going to be a struggle for VCU.  They're losing Joey Rodriguez, Jamie Skeen, Brandon Rozzell, and Ed Nixon off of this year's team (that's four of their top five scorers and all-around best players) and according to Rivals the only player they have coming in to replace them right now is a non-rated forward whose other offers were from Cleveland State and Northeastern.  Meanwhile VCU's previous coach Anthony Grant, who jumped to Alabama after a nice little multi-year run with Eric Maynor and Larry  Sanders, is making almost $2 million a year and took a team that was so bad the previous coach was fired midseason to a team that won their division of the SEC this year, went 19-0 at home, and made the NIT final after just missing out on an NCAA Tournament bid.  Basically his whole team is coming back next year and he has a great class coming in with three kids ranked in the top 125, and he's thought of as a fast riser whose next job could end up being a big one.  Shaka clearly knows what he's doing, but I'm thinking he's being a bit too optimistic here.

- Finally, and this probably wraps up college basketball for the year until/unless the Gophers sign somebody or Tubby Smith finally signs on with NC State, but I would love for somebody to explain to me how they selected the participants in the College 3-point contest.  I thought it was kind of bizarre that Blake Hoffarber wasn't involved, but that was before I realized Jon freaking Diebler wasn't involved.  I was worried that maybe I was just being Big 10-centric, so I looked it up.  Diebler ranked 3rd amongst all seniors (event is only open to seniors) in three-point makes and second in 3-point percentage.  Although looking at the numbers it's kind of surprising Jimmer Fredette wasn't there.  Talor Battle too.  I'm not saying they're screwing it up or anything but the choices for some of the players involved just seem weird, especially since Brady Morningstar made as many threes this year as

- Speaking of white guys playing basketball, when I was at the Y tonight there was no open gym because they had "special" kids playing adapted basketball and I watched for a couple of minutes.  Those kids sure do hustle but man, they have no handles.

-  Twins are now winning.  This is unexpected, but I'm guessing this is like the part where Daniel sprays Johnny with the hose at the Halloween dance - you feel like you got the upper hand, but the night ends with you being held up against a chain link fence while you get the shit beat out of you by guys in skeleton outfits.

- A few players who have caught my eye so far this baseball season who might be worth keeping your eye on:

• Starlin Castro, SS, Cubs - His numbers obviously stand out since they're ridiculous so far (.476/.522/.762) and of course they won't last but I've actually had a chance to watch several of his at-bats and looks awfully good.  He's making solid contact and really driving the ball with some gap power (2 doubles and 2 triples already) and is looking like he could end up being a star.  Ideally you'd like to see a little bit more plate discipline and more walks, but he's a 21-year old shortstop from the Dominican Republic - it kind of comes with the territory.
• Rickie Weeks, 2B, Brewers - I've talked about him on here before, but he's impressed me this year by being less of a knucklehead than I thought.  He had a career year last year and was rewarded with a fat contract and I actually expected him to regress quite a bit but he's having another very good season so far.  Nice work, Rick.
• Neil Walker, 2B, Pirates - Leads the league in RBI mainly due to a grandslam he hit on opening day, but has overall shown an awful lot of power (.684 slugging) for a white middle infielder.  Guy must not be much of a hustler or a gamer.
• Jaime Garcia, SP, Cardinals - I don't know why his complete game 4-hitter against San Diego impressed me so much because it's not out of line based on his numbers from last year (2.70 ERA, 1.32 WHIP, 3rd in NL RoY voting), but I guess I didn't really take him seriously because his name was Jamie and everyone knows that's a girl's name.  I guess maybe he's good though.
• Craig Kimbrel, RP, Braves - Since neither Dawger or Bogart could draft their joint team in our fantasy league we had the Bear come out and do it for them.  When it suddenly came time to draft a relief pitcher Kimbrel was the #1 guy left on every list we had even though none of the three of us (me, Bear, Snake) had heard of him, and we laughed and we laughed thinking about the look on those two clowns faces when they saw this dude they'd never heard of on their team.  Well, joke was on us because Kimbrel has been unhittable - almost literally.  He's pitched two innings thus far (picking up 2 saves), faced just six batters and struck out five of them.  Hell, Adam LaRoche is practically a hero because he managed to fly out.  Look out for this kid. 

-  Hey, the Twins actually won.  Sweet.  The final out came when Joe Nathan struck out Derek Jeter on a high fastball that was clocked at 89 mph.  I don't know who that sentence is worse for, but Nathan's fastball is seriously only at 89 mph there are going to be some extremely ugly game endings in our future.

- Lastly, if you like golf our good buddy Grand Slam has promised me a Masters Preview at some point tomorrow, so look for that either Wednesday night or Thursday morning.  I'm sure it'll be epic.  As for my picks I'm not exactly digging deep here but it's hard to argue with Mickelson the way he's playing, and Watney and Justin Rose are solid picks here as well.  Sleeper picks could be David Toms or Sergio.  I don't know.  Trust Grand Slam, he's smoking everybody in our fantasy golf league. 

Time for Some Golf

Do you know what tomorrow is?  It's the start of the PGA Season, and I'm fired up.  But not nearly as fired up as our golf writer here at DWG, Grandslam, who voluntarily wrote up a season preview without even being asked.  How do I have a golf writer and not a hockey writer, you ask?  Because hockey is super gay!

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year again, and NO, I’m not talking about the holidays.  The start of the 2011 PGA Tour season is right around the corner.  

The 2010 season was a season that will soon not be forgotten due to the craziness of certain events.  There are certain things we can count on every year like bad weather at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am, Phil contending at Augusta, and John Daly having a mental breakdown on the golf course.  In 2010 there was as much shock value in certain events as there would be for a Minnesota Timberwolves victory.  Other than Phil’s victory at The Masters, who would have correctly picked the other three major winners in McDowell,  Oosthuizen, and Kaymer?  Who could forget the collapse of Dustin Johnson in the final round of the U.S. Open?  More importantly, who can forget what happened to Dustin Johnson on the 72^nd hole at the PGA Championship.  Matt Kuchar was this year’s leading money winner, really?  How about team USA’s near improbable comeback at the Ryder Cup?  

The 2010 PGA Tour season was full of headlines with maybe the story of the year being Tiger Woods.  No majors, not a single worldwide victory, MC’s and WD’s.  Nobody could have imagined that when Tiger announced he would return at Augusta that we would see the season we did from the once invisible, FORMER  #1 player in the world. 

We can only hope that the 2011 PGA Tour season will be as entertaining and unpredictable as the year before.  I am extremely excited for the majors this year if they are anything like last year.  Just a few years ago when the question of, who’s the best player to not win a major came up, the list of those players were short.  In 2011, with the year Tiger had in 2010 and the emergence of the “young guns”, that list may be as large as ever with the likes of….

·        Dustin Johnson

·        Rickie Fowler (0 PGA Tour wins)

·        Paul Casey

·        Ian Poulter

·        Nick Watney

·        Steve Stricker

·        Hunter Mahan

·        Luke Donald

This is just a few of the players that could be on the unofficial list, but let’s not forget about the #1 player in the world, Lee Westwood. 

Last year, we had a huge surprise with the season that Matt Kuchar had leading the PGA Tour in earnings as well as leading the tour in scoring average.  A story like this is extremely hard to ever project, however I am going to give you two guys that could be this year’s Matt Kuchar.  Jason Day and Jeff Overton are two guys that I could see having huge years.  Jason Day got his first career PGA Tour win last year and finished 8^th in the Fed Ex Cup, while Overton, although still without a victory had a hand full of runner-up finishes as well as being a key contributor for Team USA in the Ryder Cup.

Last year we had a guy in the name of Louis Oosthuizen who shocked nearly everyone in the golf world with his win at the British Open.  This year’s Louis Oosthuizen is another guy that many have not heard of, and that’s the up and coming South African Charl Schwartzel who will win his first major this year. 

I’m going to give you two guys to watch for in the 2011 season, one from the PGA Tour and the other from the European Tour.  The man on the PGA Tour you need to keep your eye out for is Jamie Lovemark.  Lovemark was a college standout at USC and dominated the Nationwide Tour last becoming the youngest player to ever finish #1 on that tour’s money list.  Lovemark nearly won in his first month as a pro, only to lose in a playoff.  I look for big things out of this rookie this year.  

The player to watch out for on the European Tour is player that almost no one has heard of and his name is Matteo Manassero.   Some may recognize the name as Manassero is the youngest player to even make the cut in The Masters.  However the reason you need to keep an eye out for this kid is the fact that he got his first career win at the age of 17 last fall, he won’t even turn 18 until later next spring.  We probably won’t see much of Manassero in the states next year, but in time we will see him in all the big events. 

Finally my predictions for the 2011 PGA Tour season are as follows….

·        Rookie of the Year, Jamie Lovemark

·        Comeback player of the year, Tiger Woods (how could it not be?)

·        Surprise player of the year, David Duval, he will be back in the winner’s circle in 2011

·        Player of the year, Rory McIlroy

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I I I can honestly say I've never heard of Jamie Lovemark.  But if Grandslam likes him, he's certain to suck.

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.6.2010

I really don't intend every single post to be in this format, it just worked out that way this week.  It's so easy and I like doing it.  I do still intend to do some more in depth type of posts, and definitely will during basketball season.  But for now, you'll get what you get and you won't get upset.

1.  The bullpen tried like hell to blow the game.  Luckily, the Twins were able to scrap together a couple of runs in the top of the ninth, mainly thanks to a Jason Kubel popup that hit the catwalk above the field and resulted in a hit and the first run, and then Matt Capps managed to shut the door.  I didn't get to watch the game, being at work and all, so I don't have too much to add except that they really surprised me.  Splitting a four-gamer on the road against a team like the Rays is a very positive outcome, especially considering they dropped the first two.  If they can keep splitting with the good teams and win the series against the bad, they should be in good shape assuming Chicago decides to lose once in a while.  With 63 games to go they probably need to go about 34-29 or so.  That would get them to 95 wins, and I have to assume that would win this division.  Again, assuming Chicago doesn't go 45-15 like they have recently.


2.  Naturally the White Sox won as well.  Because they never lose.  Not even when world's worst closer and possible worst pitcher and human being ever Bobby Jenks gives up a 3-run home run in the bottom of the ninth to tie the game.  Why he is still closing I'll never understand, especially since they have Thornton, Putz, and Santos who are all much better pitchers.  It's that damn save statistic.  Man, people are more obsessive and devoted to that then their bibles.

3.  In case there weren't enough young pitchers making noise this year.  Go ahead and add James McDonald to the list.  McDonald, once a pretty good prospect in the Dodgers' system, made his debut for the Pirates after being acquired for Octavio Dotel at the trade deadline and pitched well.  He had mainly been working out of the bullpen in his one full season with LA last year, but acclimated himself well, going six innings and allowing just four hits and no runs while striking out 8.  I like what the Pirates are doing, maximizing the value on some marginal veterans over the last few years to acquire some possible future solid talent.  I was going to list all the upside-y guys on their roster, but there's just too many.  Just know that the Pirates might be finally starting to move in the right direction.  They're young, they have some talent, and if some of these young prospects develop they could find themselves on the right side of .500 sooner rather than later.  At the very least there seems to be a plan here, unlike, say, Kansas City.

4.  Tiger Woods officially sucks at golf.  Tiger shot a 74 today in the first round of the Bridgestone Invitational, which is +4, and you may think that's just a bad round and other golfers like Anthony Kim and Camilo Villegas shot similar scores, but this is notable for one big reason:  he completely dominates this course.  Forget about Augusta, Pebble, or St. Andrews, Firestone is where he really dominates, having won this tournament something like 7 out of the last 10 times he's played it with a runner-up mixed in as well.  That 74 is not only his worst score on this course by two strokes, but it also puts him in a tie for 70th - and there are only 81 golfers entered.  He only shot better than seven golfers, several of whom barely even count, on a course he's owned.  I think it's safe to say his career is pretty much over.  Might as well retire and start collecting stud fees.

5.  I guess Calipari didn't teach Josh Pastner everything.  Slick Cal never seemed to have issues getting his recruits eligible (see:  Rose, Derrick and Evans, Tyreke) but Josh Pastner has just run into some issues with Will Barton, Class of 2010's #2 rated shooting guard and #11 on the Rivals list.  Barton has been ruled academically ineligible for the year, and if the NCAA doesn't pass him on appeal (they won't), it will be a major blow to Pastner's attempts to keep Memphis relevant.  The question for Gopher fans is how will this affect Trevor Mbakwe and his possible choice between the Gophers and Tigers?  There's some speculation that seeing Memphis suspend a player for the entire year would turn him off, but I don't really see it.  If his trial is pushed back again and Minnesota won't let him play but some team promises he can suit up, whether it's Memphis or Morehead State, I have a feeling he'll be there.  And then, in two years, we can watch both Royce White and Trevor Mbakwe make All-American teams while the Gophers grab yet another double-digit seed.

6.  The Gophers will play Western Kentucky in the Puerto Rico Tip-off.  And if they beat the Hilltoppers, and they should, they will likely have a date with Harrison Barnes and the North Carolina Tarheels.  Can Tubby and the boys pull off another marquee win in an early season tournament to go with their wins over Louisville and Butler the last two years?  I don't know, probably.  


As far as WKU goes, they're generally amongst the top team's in the Sun Belt, but they are still a far cry from the sweet 16 team or the team led by Taco Hawk, and are losing their top player in guard A.J. Slaughter.  Still, the Hilltoppers have proven over and over again that this isn't a program you can ever take lightly.  They have four of their top seven back from the 20-12 team from last season, the same team that beat Vanderbilt and Mississippi State, and have a Rivals Top 150 player coming in guard Derrick Gordon (#126).  Great, I've suddenly talked myself into being terrified for this game.

The rest of the schedule was released as well, and I sort of feel like it maybe deserves it's own post but ugh.  Look at this:  Northeastern State, Winona State, Wofford, Siena, NDSU, Virginia, Cornell, @ St. Joe's, Eastern Kentucky, and Akron.  Woof.  I know three of those teams were in the NCAA Tournament last year, but both Siena and Cornell were hit hard by graduations.  Wofford is the only team on there that is likely to get a bid, although Siena could still grab one with what they have left.  Overall pretty underwhelming.  Just like your mom.

Week in Review - 7/26/2010 (Dan Haren edition)

God damn it.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Delmon Young.  No joke guys, I think we've reached the point where Delmoney is absolutely carrying this team.   In terms of the batters, that is, since really Pavariano is the combo that's really getting it done.  But batting-wise ever since that Canadian fella whacked his head like Billy-Bob, Delmon has become the man.  He's basically the third best hitter on the team this year, and that is only if you count Thome.  He's locked in the way Mauer was last year and Morenau was most of this year.

And he even made a play on Saturday night where he sprinted into the corner to catch a fly ball and then tossed out Miguel Tejada tagging (inexplicably) from first to second.  I'm starting to think something special is happenign.   Perhaps the best sign is what's coming out of the clubhouse from Gardy, Thome, and other teammates.  I know it's basically their job to blow smoke up the media and fan's collective ass, but last year you never heard anything positive about Delmon off the field (or on, for that matter) so even the faintest praise is a pretty positive sign.  And in this case the praise is flowing like the salmon to Capistrano, so we may very well have a monster breaking out here. 

2.  Miguel Cabrera.  Speaking of people who are overshadowing the advillian-challenged Morneau, Cabrera pretty much has the AL MVP wrapped up and we aren't even to August yet, and he killed pitchers again this week. 13-27 this week with 9 RBI, and he's now hitting .348/.421/.650 on the year, and is now first in slugging and second in OBP and AVG in all of baseball, and on top of that is third in home runs and first in RBI.  So he's basically doing what Joe Mauer did last year, but add in a possible triple crown.  Just a tremendous season so far.  I hope he hits Dan Haren in the face with a line drive.

3.  Kelly Johnson.  He hit for the cycle, which would be way more exciting but I know pretty much nothing about him.  I know he's a Diamondback and used to be a Brave, and I know he's a second baseman.  Does he play any other positions?  I don't know.  Does he hit .220 or .320?  Is he a 5 HR hitter or a 25 HR hitter?  Does he steal 3 bases or 60?  These are all answered with a shrug and a self-deprecating yet charming smirk.  So congrats on your cycle Kelly.  You've got a hell of a legacy going on here.  I hope you enjoy playing with the crap the Angels gave away to steal sexy Dan Haren away from you.

4.  Danny Valencia.  I still think he's probably a slap-hitting nancy girl, but I've been noticing that a lot of his hits lately are more of the line drive variety than the bloop/seeing eye grounder variety.  He put together back-to-back 3-for-5 games over the weekend, and he's now hitting .346/.398/.395 for the year, and if that was over an entire season thus far he would rank as the fifth best third baseman (OPS-wise) in the American League behind Adrian Beltre (wait, what?), Evan Longoria, A-Rod, and Michael Young.  Is he that good?  No, certainly not, and with a a slugging percentage lower than his OBP he is definitely a slap-hitting Judy, but still I feel slightly impressed.  He'd be a much better prospect to give the Diamondbacks than what the craptastic Halos gave for Haren, and not nearly good enough that they'd actually miss him.  Nice work, jackasses.

5.  Dan Haren.  He gets to pitch for a contender and gets to stay on the West Coast, the two things he said he wanted.  Well played, Haren.  Well played indeed.  Of course, he also said that going to a contender was the most important thing, and that he simply preferred to stay on the West Coast.  The Twins are a contender, allegedly, and would have been a good landing place.  This sucks.  



WHO SUCKED

1.  Twins.  I know they could have come up with a better offer than what the Angels gave for Haren.  I know they could have, because the offer the Angels put together was Joe Saunders, two middling prospects and a player to be named later.  I plan to look at this further, but for right now my first reaction is that this is a bunch of crap, and they were too pussy to put a real offer out there.  Seriously, this was the year to make a move like this.  The lineup is going to be worse next year.  Right now they have Hudson (when he's not hurt), Hardy (when he's not hurt), and Thome and next year they are going to end up going back to Tolbert, Casilla, and Harris.  Bank on it.  This was the time to make the move.  And if it didn't work out, Haren would still have trade value and they could flip him next year or two year's from now if needed.  Just a bullshit chicken-shit move.  Enough already with the small market bullshit.  Maybe I'm ungrateful, but I'm sick of scratching by to win the division and getting run right out of the playoffs.  Make a move already.  God I'm emotional right now.  This must be what women feel like all the time.

2.  Diamondbacks.  I'm too sleepy to look it all up, but over and over and over again the Arizona brain trust, and I mean that the same way people refer to David Kahn as the T-Wolves brain trust, said they would have to be blown away by an offer and that this wouldn't be a "salary dump."  Well guess what, assholes?  This was a straight salary dump.  They got a mediocre left-handed starter, a B prospect, a C prospect, and a nothing prospect.  Basically equivalent to a Twins offer of Slowey, Jesse Crain, Adrian Salcedo, and Matt Bashore.  Who?  Exactly.  The Twins could have bettered that offer with minimal effort and minimal affect on the overall minor league system.  Awesome.  Just awesome.   

3.  Paul Casey.  Here is the list of golfers who ranked higher than Paul Casey on the World Golf Rankings who played with him at the FBR Open in Canada this weekend:


Yep, nobody.  And yet, Mr. #8 in the world couldn't be bothered to make the cut.  Of course, neither did Sean O'Hair, Scott Verplank, Fred Couples, or Mike Weir, leading to a thrilling Sunday showdown between Carl "The Swedish Boss Hog" Petterson and Dean "Can't tell if he's Asian or not" Wilson.  This is where I would tell you who won, but you don't care and it doesn't matter.  And also I don't actually know because I didn't watch.  I was too busy crying.

4.  David Ortiz.  I somehow found myself watching the Boston/Seattle game Friday night, even though I didn't have money on it and had zero fantasy players involved.  No, I have no idea what I was doing there.  Not really the point, Tito.  The point is that with one out and the bases loaded in the top of the sixth in a 1-1 game, David Ortiz was picked off of third base.  And not by the pitcher on something weird, by the catcher.  And not by the catcher on a blocked ball in the dirt.  It was on a set play by the Mariners where the pitch was outside and the third basemen broke to cover and the catcher winged it down there as soon as he caught it.  Which tells me that it wasn't an isolated incident, but Ortiz was getting way too far off the base regularly.  Seriously where exactly was he going?  Where did David Ortiz think he was going?  Was he going to steal home?  Score on a ball in the dirt?  What could he have possibly had running through his head?  I can't decide if this is more Lew Ford or more Denard Span.   Maybe it's more Bill Smith.  You know, screwing something easy and simple and obvious up beyond all repair.

5.  Life.  You win again.  I feel like Wonderbaby^TM when she met Santa. 

Apologies to Rickie Weeks who probably deserved a spot in the Awesome column, but I had to give props to Danny Haren instead.  It's been a long time since I've had my heart broken like this.  I need to go drown my sorrows in alcohol and tears.  Maybe a nice bundt cake.

U.S. Open Tips

As you may or may not know, the U.S. Open is tomorrow at Pebble Beach.  I usually do a preview of some sort for the golf majors, but that sounds boring.  Instead, I took a look at the odds to win as offered by a website that caters to people who are interested in that sort of thing.  Much like I picked the winner of the Kentucky Derby and nearly picked the winner of the Belmont (my pick finished second), I'm going to give you a few good value bets here, and odds are one of these guys will be the winner.


Hunter Mahan, 30-1.  My favorite bet on the board because I think he's going to win the whole thing.  He's a stud at the majors, and particularly the U.S. Open where he has finished 13th, 18th, and 6th the last three years.  He's also had a pretty good year, with a win already at the Phoenix Open and a 6th place finish at the Masters.  The fact that he's missed the last two cuts concerns me, particularly the Memorial, but he's one of the best ball-strikers on tour and is going to win a U.S. Open some year - why not now?

Jim Furyk, 18-1.  There are a handful of true favorites (as much as I believe he'll win, even I don't think Mahan is a real favorite) who all have a shot at this the one I think with the best shot also has the best odds in Furyk.  He's already won twice this year, he's an absolute US Open monster (including one win), and you're telling me his odds should be four times worse than Tiger (who is 9/2)?  Or twice as bad as Mickelson and Lee Westwood (9/1)?  And equal to Dustin Johnson (who I do like, but not at just 18/1)?  If he hadn't burned me hard by missing the cut at the Masters I'd say this was the best bet on the board.

Robert Karlsson, 66-1.  This is probably the best bet on the board.  Because of Karlsson's eye injury in 2009, causing him to either play poorly or not play at all for most of the year.  Don't forget but before that he was one of the best golfers in the world, and was actually ranked #6 in 2008 after winning the European Order of Merit and finishing in the top 10 in three of the four majors (and finishing 20th in the fourth).  He's showing that he's back lately, with a win on the European Tour earlier this year and a 2nd place finish last week at the St. Jude.  Frankly, at 66-1 you're almost stupid not to bet on him.

Retief Goosen, 30-1.  Goosen's combination of a solid year with some top finishes plus a solid US Open track record make him an intriguing pick.  The good news is that he's made 7 of 8 cuts, he's grabbed five top tens in those 8 tournaments, he's hot, finishing 15th last week, and he has two career US Open wins and has finished top 16 the last two years.  The bad news?  The cut he missed this year was at Pebble Beach.  Ouch.

Nick Watney, 35-1.  I love Watney to win a major at some point in his career.  He hits greens, he putts well, he drives well, and he's just a solid all-around player, who has the kind of demeanor that seems to never get to high and never get too low.  Just a steady, steady player, who is capable of brillance at times.  He hasn't fared well at the U.S. Open in his young career (CUT - T60 - CUT), but he generally plays well at Pebble.  This is probably the weakest of the bets I'm listing, but I'm convinced he's going to win a major at some point, and if he does it here and I don't list him I'll never be able to live with myself.

Heath Slocum, 80-1.  Out of all the big underdogs, this guy actually has a chance to win.  He doesn't have much of a track record in the majors, although his best ever finish is a T9 at the 2008 US Open, but he's got a lot working in his favor.  He's having a great year, making the cut in 14 of 15 tournaments entered with three top 10s and nine top 30s.  He played in the Masters this year for just the second time ever and finished 18th (this would be essentially just his third U.S. Open).  Maybe most interestingly, the two biggest keys to this course for the Open this year are Driving Accuracy and Greens in Regulation; Slocum ranks 4th and 7th in those metrics.  If he can find a hot putter, he could breakthrough for a win.  Hey, Lucas Glover last year had only been in two other US Opens and had missed the cut both times.  It could happen.

Ready, Set...Major.

Alright golf fans I am back and better than ever. Sorry for going MIA for a month or so there but I got real lazy with my extra curricular activities. So needless to say there is a lot to talk about, I will try to hit on a bunch of points and try to leave you less bored than when you clicked on the site in the first place. And go.

-The first thing that pops in my head is Michelle Wie making the Solhiem Cup Team, this is the dykes version of the Ryder Cup. This makes me more sad for the state of women's golf in America than it does to have a win-nothing-clown represent our country. Here is a novel idea, since you shit canned the racist that hated the Ha-mungs and Orientals why dont you team up the best of USA and Europe vs Asia this way at least this way we can stay away from all the total no name randoms no one cares about from Europe and just stick to the ones from Asia.

-Ok, so Cink dusted off a man that could have been his dad, way to go you shit eating fag. You should have thrown the playoff, no one wanted you to win other than that tranny wife of yours.

Side note, I cannot stand chicks who feel the need to style their kids hair like their own. Secondly, why do women cut their hair when they start having kids, it looks horrible STOP!

Watson played awesomely for four days, he hit a 8I too flush and a putt off the green too firm. 2 shots out of a championship cost him, once again Stew you didn't win it, Tom lost it. Cink still sucks in my mind but he is confident and will likely keep winning, unfortunately. I could see him taking down a masters sometime soon.

-Tiger won the last two weeks, yawn. He beat down a no talent field in MI to close down the Buick Open. I soon see MI closing as a state and being sold to Canada, that place is worthless, but its gold to those damn Canadians, they need a Stanley Cup contender. Good luck to anyone still living there.

Tiger then was given the victory last week when Harrington didn't pull off a flop shot from over the green at the 16th at Firestone. There was a big controversy over the rules official for the group putting the group on "the clock". This rarely happens at tour events, unheard of at major events. The WGC events are major events, top fields, big crowds and huge money. I have no clue why that official on the 16th tee, with 1 stroke separating the top two players decided to put the players on the clock. Harrington seemed noticeably more fidgety than his already frosted flakes eating self. In the end he said "rules are rules", Tiger chastised the officials. Then out came the talk about fines.

Listen you idiot fringe fans or casual fans, this isn't Tiger's first fine. Although the PGA tour does not make their fines public, it is widely known that Tiger is at the top of the fine list. I have two actual ins on the tour, an agent and a caddie. Both have told me that these fines are common place and the tour polices its players. Everyone quit acting like Tiger is getting jobbed, he swears and throws clubs constantly OF COURSE they are going to fine him. A lot.

-Now to the PGA. Hazeltine is a monster, 7680 yards and since i don't want to look up if its the longest course in Major history or even just in PGA championship history, I am just going to go with that. Longest ever. Couple that with 5 inches of rain last weekend and that makes for a very long golf course. Some would contend that it takes the short or average length hitters out of the tournament, well I call those people morons. There is actually just as much of a premium on accuracy as there is on distance this week. Because not only is the course long but there are hundreds of well placed bunkers and thousands of trees, big trees.

Side note, I hate people talking about shit they have no idea about. Casual golf fans are famous for this, if you have spare time head out to the tournament this weekend and take a listen. Or read insanely dumb remarks like the one by 'dawger', 330 yards up hill huh, did you walk that off homo or just guess it by the time your girthy ass got to the ball you were out of breath so that's about 250 to 350 yards and you just gave yourself the benefit of the doubt? This is rhetorical. Also Phil just showed up on Wednesday for the first time, he didn't play on Tuesday. You are an idiot.

Also, dads, quit filling your kids heads full of false information. They will not love you any less if you say you are not sure or don't know. They don't need you to be their hero, if you cant be truthful to them at this point they probably have already written you off as a role model and you should just wait for the day when they don't return your calls.

-I truly needed to get that off my chest, whoa i feel good. So here are the guys in my top 5: Cabrera, Mahan, Westwood, Allenby and Martin Kaymer. Dark horse is Stenson. Blackout horse is Phil.

-In the end there will be one winner and 155 losers, let me tell you one of the loser's name is Tiger. He has won in every last tournament that he has entered before each major this year. Currently he is 0/3 you can book 0/4. One, he is still hitting it erratically off the tee, too much so to get it around at this course. Two, three in a row is pretty tough even for Tiger. I think he is a little gassed. Lastly, the odds are in my favor. So there.

I have to run, you can nit pick the grammar or spelling, it doesn't affect me. I hope to be writing more often as the season comes to a close, maybe.

Pay attention to 16, very tough for only 400 yards and 12 a 518 yard par 4, got a hybrid?

NF

PS--10 years ago a 19 year old pushed Tiger at the PGA, we all thought that kid would be pushing Tiger year after year. Sergio, where have you gone?

PPS-For some reason i could not get paragraph spaces to stick on the published version. sorry.

Ahhh the US Open in all its glory...

This week the PGA Tour heads to its toughest test of the year, the US Open at Bethpage Black. The rough will be long, the fairways will be narrow and the greens will be lightning fast. The USGA prides itself on keeping the winner at or over par and this week should be no different. Bethpage will play to a par 70, with some of the longest and toughest par 4s out there, the hardest being #7 which is 525 yards that dogs right, it requires a 280-290 yrd drive to get past the trees and have an open look into the green . There are very few true scoring holes out there and every player will need to find fairways, while being somewhat long (the course can play 7400 yrds and it will feature only two par 5s) and make putts. Let me take you down my list of will’s and wont’s for the week.

Will Contend
1. Tiger – Plain and simple here, he hit 49/56 fairways two weeks ago at Memorial and if he continues to do that I am not sure if there will be anyone who could beat him. The only thing he seemed to be lacking was his normal dominance with his putter. If the flat stick goes to shit others will have an opportunity win.
2. Jim Furyk – He is such a grinder, he will be there Sunday, you can always count on him playing very smart and conservative around the course which is the game plan for any US Open.
3. Geoff Ogilvy – He has a game built for Opens. Very long and accurate enough to keep it around the fairway. His putting is also top notch, he is 2nd in putts per round and 7th in putts per green in regulation as well as being 1st in birdies per round. He has the demeanor to win and should be there come Sunday.
4. Paul Casey – This guy has been very hot this year, winning 3 times worldwide and ascending to #3 in the world ranking. He is T17 in total driving, 7th in putts per round and 5th in birdies per round. He has not made it happen in the majors but this could be his time.
5. Brian Gay – Tell me this guy didn’t get made fun of as a kid, well he showed them, Gay has won 3 times in the last two years, twice this year where it wasn’t even close and he is married to a big titted broad that ain’t to hard on the eyes. Well if that doesn’t give him enough confidence his putting should. He is inside the top 10 in both putts per round and per green in reg. He also knows how to finish rounds, T3 in scoring average. Riding the MO train from last weekend’s win so I think he can put it together.

Won’t Contend
1. Phil – I may eat my words here as he is one of the most talented players in the field but I just think there is too much going on. If you have just woken up from your Hibernol induced coma Phil’s wife has breast cancer. There have been many a rumor about his alleged infidelity but it seems like the last few years have been spent close to his family and this seems to genuinely be killing him to have her sick. I hope he contends or even wins he has had so many close chances only to be outplayed.
2. Anthony Kim – He was dominant in stretches last year but in 2009 he has only played in 11 events making the cut in 8 while his best finish is 2nd he has not really been close to winning. Nagging injuries are to blame for most of this but he still has just not put anything together.
3. Padraig Harrington – He is in the middle of a swing change and I just don’t see him being able to trust it for 4 rounds in the toughest conditions.
4. Rocco Mediate – Hard to say this but we may never see him contend in a major again. It has rained and is supposed to continue to be a wet four days. This will make an already long course even longer. Rocco just doesn’t hit it far enough to have a chance at contending.
5. Henrik Stenson – A lot of people are high on the Swede, well not this guy. He has disappeared since the win at the Player’s and I don’t think he has putting to win an open. His best chance at a major is the British or the PGA.

I thought it would be fun to look back 7 years at the last Open at Bethpage and see if it offers any insight to this week's US Open.

Tiger Woods, $1,000,000
67-68-70-72--277
Phil Mickelson, $585,000
70-73-67-70--280
Jeff Maggert, $362,356
69-73-68-72--282
Sergio Garcia, $252,546
68-74-67-74--283
Nick Faldo, $182,882
70-76-66-73--285
Scott Hoch, $182,882
71-75-70-69--285
Billy Mayfair, $182,882
69-74-68-74--285
Tom Byrum, $138,669
72-72-70-72--286
Padraig Harrington, $138,669
70-68-73-75--286
Nick Price, $138,669
72-75-69-70--286

Tiger has continued his ways, Phil was majorless but has since broken through, hard to believe Sergio still doesn’t have a major and Harrington has been one of the best players in recent years. Maggert and Mayfair are what we thought they were, perennial guys grinding out a living. Price, Byrum and Hoch have hit the senior tout with Hoch and Price finding some success. Faldo stunned everyone and took his game to the booth; he captained a losing Euro team last year in the Ryder Cup and doesn’t play much if ever on the senior tour. Also make sure to compare the cash they pull this year compared to 2002.

Alright well that’s all I’ve got, I am going to box my superfecta with Furyk, Gay, Poulter and Angel Cabrera. My dark horse pick is Sergio, I do not think he can actually win but if the putter gets hot and the Mich Ultra starts flowing who knows.

Feel free to test my picks against yours in a safe, reputable, online betting site that spotlights golf, basketball, Olympic sports, and others.

NF


PS - This is the sign that is in front of the 1st tee box, this is a muni couse and anyone can play there. Best of all look for the NY fans to get real drunk and rowdy showing their true colors.

Larry David is My Friend

Still here in L.A., or, more accurately Marina del Rey (or Marina del Gay) and just got back from the Laker game at Staples. The game went to double O.T. and the Bobcats actually won, but that's not the important thing. The important thing happened before the game even started, which stresses the importance of getting to games on time, a skill that has been sorely lacking for me when it comes to Gopher games.

We're sitting there up in the third deck, basically the top of the world and the only seats we could get for under $100, and before the game we see some people standing around with tags around their necks that say "Curb Your Enthusiasm Crew." We assume they're in some kind of fancy skybox or something as a thank you or crew get together or something. Not so. Right before the game is about to start, they turn on the cameras and all of a sudden Larry David and the guy who plays Jeff start walking up the stairs. Of our section. About ten feet away from me.

Awesome. They go up and sit in their seats, two rows behind us, and do this about five or six times to get the shots they need. They then leave before the ball even tips off, but it was a truly excellent experience, especially considering I think of Larry David as pretty much the comedic genius of all-time. I didn't get to talk to him or anything of course, but at one point he looked at me and we made eye contact and I'm pretty sure he gets that we should be friends. So now I consider us so. Probably even best friends, I don't know, I don't want to speak for Mr. David. I have a cell phone video of him walking up the stairs, but I have no idea how to post it or youtube it or whatever you kids do, so I suppose you'll have to take my word for it. But if you're some fancy rich guy who gets HBO and you watch the next season of Curb, in the episode where he gets nosebleeds to a Laker game, look for the really handsome guy who gets all the chicks in a black polo shirt - that's me.

- Overall Staples was pretty cool. Very nice stadium, where the third deck actually has a better view than the Target Center, although I haven't been there in years and haven't sat in anything other than a suite in over five years. The funny thing was we ended up with an extra ticket, because the dude we were going to go to the game with (my boss) ended up having to fly home early, and we wanted to sell his ticket for beer money, since they are $9 at Staples (for a Miller Lite) but you can't scalp tickets there.

So there were a bunch of people just walking around and would say under their breath, "need tickets?" or "got tickets?" We tried to play the game but we aren't really Golgo 13 kind of guys, so the closest we got to selling the ticket was when I tried to get a guy to buy it for one dollar and he wouldn't take it. At that point we just decided to go in and forget it, but when we were in line to get it some dude comes up and asks if anybody has a ticket. We say yes, to which he says, "Can I have it?" And we said "how much" and he said, "no man, I just really want to see the game, I don't have any money." And he looks somewhere between a homeless guy and a hippy, and he's white, so we are like, "ok fine, but buy us a beer." Obviously we don't really expect anything, but we don't want to have to buy him a beer. So we get in and we go into the souvenir shop and the dude ditches us, and we don't see him again. But at about halftime, some mexican kid shows up with the actual ticket we gave that dude. We didn't ask him how that whole thing went down, but I'm pretty confused here because it's not like it's a premium ticket. Very weird.

- Overall it's been a pretty good day out here in Marina del Gay, mostly because our boss is the one who left and we've been able to accomplish twice as much in half the time. I didn't get any more insight into the peculiarities of women of varying ethnicities, but we went to a bunch of stores today, which is what we're out here for - to understand the L.A. market because it's very different from Minneapolis. Although at one point we accidentally ending up at the Crenshaw Walmart (Crenshaw is the neighborhood Boyz N the hood was based on), where it was really busy and we were literally (and I mean literally not the way stupid people use the word) the only white people in building. It was a little scary but not really because it's California and the people here are pretty much hippie pacifists, much like the people in Madison.

Not only did I meet and become best friends with Larry David, but I also got to try In-N-Out Burger for the first time (good, but a bit overrated) and I got to walk out on the pier at Venice Beach and have a beer whilst overlooking the Pacific Ocean, which I've rarely seen. Pretty cool day.

- As far as the game goes, Kobe Bryant shoots the ball the time but also looks about ten times more athletic than everybody else out there, Adam Morrison cut his hair and completely sucks, and the best thing was watching Shannon Brown play well. I've always been a Shannon Brown fan, and tonight he scored 14 points and looked really good, especially since he was matched up on both ends against your boyfriend Kobe all night. Really like that kid.

- If you really want to be entertained, check out the post below this one ("L.A. is garbage") and head down into the comments section. It once again proves what I think everybody knows - the commenters are what really make this sight go. God bless you people.

- Remember on Seinfeld, how there's that whole thing about when George and Elaine have to be together without Jerry it's totally awkward and then have nothing to talk about? Well that's crap. Because in an earlier episode they work together to slip George's ex-boss a mickey, so they should be pretty comfortable around each other.

- Oh, and the guy I was with tonight, who seems like a pretty solid guy despite the constant racist and sexist comments, gave me an interesting statement tonight. He said, "When I have the opportunity to go golf with clients or co-workers I love to take it, because I usually come off as a god." So I was like, "Wow, what's your handicap" and he said, "about a fifteen." A fifteen. And you're a god? I was expecting more of a "3" or similar answer. Hell, my good friend 2P is like a three, and that guy sucks.

- If you're looking for a Gopher/Illinois preview, you should just go ahead and check one of the other blogs. I know you're thinking I should do it, but jesus christ stop being so god damn lazy and do your own research, I'm not your mom.

- Since everybody scared the golf guy away, here's your preview: If Mickelson doesn't win, it's going to be Baddeley or Snedeker. Sleepers: Villegas and Howell.

- By the by, if you're thinking about hoops here, Notre Dame is one of the worst defensive teams ever. Harangody looks like a Neanderthal, but it seems he's pretty effective. After than Mcalarney is a damn good shooter and Tory Jackson is good but a horrible shooter. That's pretty much it, and coupled with their horrid defense they could be an easy out.

- I think maybe my sleeper pick of Baylor is not going to quite pan out. Now, the first time I ever picked a sleeper and put money on them it was Syracuse at 40-1 and it was the year they won, so expect to win every year, but I don't think Baylor has the horses and losing to almost every good team they've played doesn't exactly win me over. It's not as bad of a pick as that Missouri team I thought would be awesome when they had Paulding and those other guys and missed the tourny, but I'm starting to think Baylor has no shot.

- For that one weirdo one time who wanted more baby pics, here you go:

That's her dicking around in her grib. As far as a Wonderbaby genius update, she currently says "hi" to pretty much everyone and everything, and the first time she saw stairs she didn't F around and just booked ass heading upwards. So smart. Much cuter and intelligent than Souix Baby (tm)

- Speaking of Sioux, I miss Super Sioux fan.

- Speaking of babies, you people should really buy more condoms. But only the most famous brand, none of that second or economy brand crap. And if you're a condom buyer, some real advice is to buy them at a place like Target. Honestly drug stores mark them up so crazy, don't ever buy there.

- We drove past Pepperdine today. Pretty sure my heart skipped a beat.

- Have you ever done this steak for the cash garbage on ESPN? That shit is hard. I had a streak of five at one point, but since 2009 started my best is only two, and I'm actually something like 8-12. Way harder than I would have thought.

- Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

- You want to know who I don't feel sorry for; Brandon Jennings. You should remember him as the #1 recruit before this season who was too effing dumb to get into anywhere, even Arizona, and decided instead to just head over to Italy to play ball, hoping to still get drafted highly next season. Well, he gave an interview this week where he cried about not getting paid on time, and getting treated like a kid and how some nights he didn't even play. well cry me a river you big baby. How about qualifying instead and getting into a school? Thamk god it seems this isn't working out so we don't have to worry about this turning into a whole thing.

- I really can't recommend the King of Kong any more highly. You've got to rent it. So good.

- too drunk now. hope that was good. westbrook still takes carter in a fight. Illini 68, Gophers 61. Here's a picture to make it up to you. Can we still be friends? Although I'm best buds with Larry David so I don't really care.