Week in Review - 7-4-2011

 Happy fourth of July everyone.  And that will be the entirety of my introduction.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Mike Cuddyer.  It pains me to praise Cuddy.  There's so much to hate:  inability to understand what a "strike zone" is, inability to realize that he's getting that down and away in the dirt slider every time he has 2 strikes, and constant media whoring to name a few, but sometimes you gotta give credit where it's due:  Congrats on making your first all-star time, Cuddy Bear.  There's something to be said for a guy who can and will play LF, RF, 2b, 3b, 1b, and SS, especially on a team with a bunch of prima donnas who "don't like to DH" or "refuse to play anywhere except catcher."  More importantly though is he almost seems to have a knack for picking up his hitting when the team needs him most.  First, back in 2009 when he basically carried the offense on his back after Morneau went down and then currently with all the injuries with him being on fire since May.  He's not really an all-star, but they do have to pick one person from every team (Ron Coomer made it once for christ's sake) and I gotta say - guy deserves it.  Mainly because Kubel got hurt, but it still counts.  So congrats Cuddy.  I hope they trade you.

2.  Vance Worley.   As you've probably heard, the Philadelphia Phillies have quite the pitching rotation - Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, and Roy Oswalt each would be the ace of nearly every other team in the league.  So the last thing they need (from an opponent point of view) is a good fifth starter, which means everyone should be looking around a little nervously after Worley's outing against the Red Sox on Wednesday.  He threw 7 innings of 5 hit, 1 run ball against the red-hot Sox, which now brings his ERA down to 2.57 on the year.  He's still more of a reliever being stretched into a starter, but with Oswalt on the shelf now they'll need him in the rotation full-time.  I was going to write something else but honestly does anybody give a crap about this guy right now?  Let's just wait for the playoffs and then we'll talk about him if we need to.

3.  Nick Watney.  He won the AT&T National by 2 shots after going bogey-free over the last 27 holes, shot a 62 on Friday to break the course record at Aronimink, and is on my fantasy team.  The perfect trifecta that every golfer shoots for.

4.  Aramis Ramirez.  I don't know if any single hitter is hotter than Ramirez right now.  He homered 4 times this week including a couple ninth-inning jobbers, one of which was off of Giants' closer Brian Wilson to tie the game - the first homer allowed by Wilson all year.  He also pinch hit and knocked in the winning run in the bottom of the ninth in a different game against the Giants and has hit .400 with 7 homers in his last 11 games.  To be completely honest there's little that bores me as much as the Cubs and the worldwide obsession with them, but sometimes someone just keeps hitting home runs and game winning hits off of people who don't generally give up those kinds of things and then sometimes I take notice.  This is one of those times.

5.  Bryce Harper.  Yes, Brian Harper's kid is proving himself to be a bit of a douche by doing things like blowing kisses to opposing pitchers after he goes yard, but he is also hitting the ever-loving shit out of the ball.  After demolishing the pitching in single-A this year to the tune of .318/.423/.554 with 14 homers, 17 doubles, and 15 steals, he just got promoted to double A ball.  At the age of 18. He's killed the ball at every stop so far (Instructional League, Arizona Fall League, and now single-A) and there really isn't any reason why he shouldn't continue to do so.  So basically a total asshat is going to fly through the minors without any issues and arrive in the big leagues with zero humbless and 100% asshattery.  This is going to be spectacular.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Matt Capps.  I am so sick of Matt Capps and his stupid fat face and his stupid fake Jesse Crain necklace.  It was a stupid trade when they made it, especially when you consider how the team's starting catcher is more brittle than the 6-month old skeleton of that dead hooker I have in my closet, and it's an even more stupid trade now that Cappsy completely refuses to get anybody out.  Not that it should surprise anyone since the only really remarkable thing about his pitching is his consistent opportunities to get saves for shitty teams.  His career ERA, career WHIP, and career mediocre stuff basically scream middle reliever/low-end setup guy, but in 2007 the Pirates didn't have anyone in the bullpen and, after trying Salomon Torres with little success, made Capps their closer and he saved 18 games in mediocre fashion and has been tabbed a closer ever since, which is how we ended up here, with no back-up catcher and a shitty bullpen.  Huzzah! 

2.  Nick Blackburn.  Speaking of mediocre as shit pitchers who get far too much credit, welcome back to reality Nick Blackburn.  A soft-tossing nancy can actually have a long and lucrative career as long as he's left-handed, but seeing as Blackburn throws correctly he will instead continue to flounder about as a 5th starter, maybe 4th, and although he'll have very good stretches at times (like earlier this year) he'll also always fall back into line as a 4th or 5th starter, tops.  Regression to the mean is a very real thing, and also a cruel mistress.  And not the good kind.  You know what I'm talking about.

3.  Joe Mauer.  I know what you're thinking - "Dude, the Twins aren't playing all that badly right now, why so many Twins call-outs?"  And it's because these three guys have been just brutally bad.  I won't get into Mauer's deal too much here because I plan on writing an entire post about it later this week, but let me give you a little spoiler:  he sucks. 

4.  MLB All-Star choices.  Way to go morons.  And I'm not even talking about your average mouth-breather who shows up to games and votes for Derek Jeter and every other Yankee.  I think we've washed our hands of them, yes?  Then it's up to the managers to get everything else right.  Well not really.  Enter poor Andrew McCutchen.  Maybe the best hitting/fielding combo outfielder in the NL, but doesn't make it.  Why?  Because they took Pirate "closer" Joel Hanrahan instead because he has a bunch of saves and is actually having a really good year now that I look it up and he's a totally worthy all-star so I'm kind of losing some wind here.  But McCutchen is really awesome and deserves it.  Actually the fact that he doesn't make it and Cuddy does should really be enough reason to overhaul the whole thing, but I just got my new KC Royals hat in the mail so what do I care?

5.  Kenny Britt.  This guy is taking the art of "talented headcase" to a whole new level.  Whereas your classic headcases like Randy Moss and Terrell Owens generally don't harm anyone other than themselves (and possibly their teammates), Britt seems to be heading more down the Lawrence Phillips path.  Britt surrendered himself to police this weekend because of two warrants for giving false information on a drivers license application, which sounds pretty lame but then you combine that with his three arrests for resisting arrest, including one that ended up in a police chase, and he's going to end up doing something really, really stupid one of these days soon.  If you have him in a keeper league I'd unload immediately.  Call me.


Lastly, I'm sure you all want to know what was on the menu for 4th of July dinner.  Credit goes to Mrs. W on this one - she made a cucumber dill dip (awesome), blue cheese meatballs for the grill (super awesome), and corn on the cob.  The first two were just tremendous, and then corn on the cob is always good but kind of boring.   Anybody know a good way to fancy it up a bit?

U.S. Open Tips

As you may or may not know, the U.S. Open is tomorrow at Pebble Beach.  I usually do a preview of some sort for the golf majors, but that sounds boring.  Instead, I took a look at the odds to win as offered by a website that caters to people who are interested in that sort of thing.  Much like I picked the winner of the Kentucky Derby and nearly picked the winner of the Belmont (my pick finished second), I'm going to give you a few good value bets here, and odds are one of these guys will be the winner.


Hunter Mahan, 30-1.  My favorite bet on the board because I think he's going to win the whole thing.  He's a stud at the majors, and particularly the U.S. Open where he has finished 13th, 18th, and 6th the last three years.  He's also had a pretty good year, with a win already at the Phoenix Open and a 6th place finish at the Masters.  The fact that he's missed the last two cuts concerns me, particularly the Memorial, but he's one of the best ball-strikers on tour and is going to win a U.S. Open some year - why not now?

Jim Furyk, 18-1.  There are a handful of true favorites (as much as I believe he'll win, even I don't think Mahan is a real favorite) who all have a shot at this the one I think with the best shot also has the best odds in Furyk.  He's already won twice this year, he's an absolute US Open monster (including one win), and you're telling me his odds should be four times worse than Tiger (who is 9/2)?  Or twice as bad as Mickelson and Lee Westwood (9/1)?  And equal to Dustin Johnson (who I do like, but not at just 18/1)?  If he hadn't burned me hard by missing the cut at the Masters I'd say this was the best bet on the board.

Robert Karlsson, 66-1.  This is probably the best bet on the board.  Because of Karlsson's eye injury in 2009, causing him to either play poorly or not play at all for most of the year.  Don't forget but before that he was one of the best golfers in the world, and was actually ranked #6 in 2008 after winning the European Order of Merit and finishing in the top 10 in three of the four majors (and finishing 20th in the fourth).  He's showing that he's back lately, with a win on the European Tour earlier this year and a 2nd place finish last week at the St. Jude.  Frankly, at 66-1 you're almost stupid not to bet on him.

Retief Goosen, 30-1.  Goosen's combination of a solid year with some top finishes plus a solid US Open track record make him an intriguing pick.  The good news is that he's made 7 of 8 cuts, he's grabbed five top tens in those 8 tournaments, he's hot, finishing 15th last week, and he has two career US Open wins and has finished top 16 the last two years.  The bad news?  The cut he missed this year was at Pebble Beach.  Ouch.

Nick Watney, 35-1.  I love Watney to win a major at some point in his career.  He hits greens, he putts well, he drives well, and he's just a solid all-around player, who has the kind of demeanor that seems to never get to high and never get too low.  Just a steady, steady player, who is capable of brillance at times.  He hasn't fared well at the U.S. Open in his young career (CUT - T60 - CUT), but he generally plays well at Pebble.  This is probably the weakest of the bets I'm listing, but I'm convinced he's going to win a major at some point, and if he does it here and I don't list him I'll never be able to live with myself.

Heath Slocum, 80-1.  Out of all the big underdogs, this guy actually has a chance to win.  He doesn't have much of a track record in the majors, although his best ever finish is a T9 at the 2008 US Open, but he's got a lot working in his favor.  He's having a great year, making the cut in 14 of 15 tournaments entered with three top 10s and nine top 30s.  He played in the Masters this year for just the second time ever and finished 18th (this would be essentially just his third U.S. Open).  Maybe most interestingly, the two biggest keys to this course for the Open this year are Driving Accuracy and Greens in Regulation; Slocum ranks 4th and 7th in those metrics.  If he can find a hot putter, he could breakthrough for a win.  Hey, Lucas Glover last year had only been in two other US Opens and had missed the cut both times.  It could happen.

Fare thee Well, Paul Carter (+ Masters Preview)

In definite bummer news, it came out early this morning from Nadine at the Gopher Hole that Paul Carter is transferring to be closer to his family.  If you remember, his sister is sick with something I don't remember so I'm going to say cancer, and since Carter is close with her he feels he needs to be there for his family.  While most Gopher transfers have simply been players who shouldn't have been recruited to the Big Ten in the first place (Limar Wilson, Engen Nurumbi, Aliou Kane), discipline problems (Brandon Smith), or just unhappy (Antoine Broxsie), this is a transfer that actually is a bummer, although it makes a lot of sense for him.

I was hoping Carter could be next year's Damian Johnson, and his offensive game was progressing nicely outside of the 2.5 missed layups per game.  Not to mention it was always fun to debate who would win a no-rules bar fight between him and Westbrook.  I wish Carter nothing but the best, and hope he has much success wherever he ends up. Whoever is lucky enough to snag him will be getting a good player, a by all accounts great person, and I assume one hell of a bar fighter.  This also ensures the Gophers will have enough scholarships for Maurice Walker, Cory Joseph, and Royce White, should that come to fruition, so if you're looking for a silver lining there you go.

With that said, this weekend is of course the Return of Tiger Open held at Augusta, so I feel the need to give a bit of a preview, top ten style.  If you're itching to talk Twins we'll get their eventually, but it's only been two games so settle down, nerd.  I will say that Delmon looks great, not just because he slimmed down but he seems like he has an idea of what he's doing at the plate.  More on that later this week or maybe next. 

If you're looking to wager on the tournament, your best bets (for the money) are Furyk at 15-1, Dustin Johnson at 33-1, Nick Watney at 45-1, Mike Weir at 50-1, and Zach Johnson at 55-1.  Anyway, here are your top 11, much like I do with NFL odds:


1.  Jim Furyk.  More of a hunch than anything specifically pointing to him as the favorite, but it's not as if it's a total shot in the dark.  Furyk won just a few weeks ago at the Transitions, which, granted, isn't the most high-profile of tournaments but there is still a pretty decent field and it was Furyk's first win since 2007 so he's got momentum.  He followed that up with an 11th at the Arnie Palmer against a very good field, and he's always been pretty good at Augusta with four top tens in his career (T-10 last year) and has only missed the cut here once.  Plus, there's nothing better than watching that sweet, fundamental swing of Furyk's.  That's why they call him "The Big Fundamental."

2.  Lee Westwood.   Nobody hates it more than me when a dirty Euro comes over here and tramps all over our country and steals our women and our green jackets, but Westwood has the look of a player who is ready to finally win his first major.  Also the look of someone with terrible teeth, dumbo ears, and who needs a shower.

3.  Ernie Els.  With the way this jackass is playing he should probably be your favorite to win this week, but he's played as many holes on the weekend at Augusta the last three years as I have (hint:  it's zero).  Prior to those missed cuts, however, Els had five top tens from 2000-2004.  How much of his crappy play the last few years was due to injury and how much was just being bad?  Is he back and awesome or was it all kind of a fluke?  I don't know.  You tell me.

4.  Tiger Woods.  God, I don't know where to slot him.  I'm not worried about him mentally since he's basically a robot programmed soley to golf and have sex with whores, but he hasn't played competitive golf in months, and playing practice rounds isn't the same thing.  I think he's a lot more likely to blow away the field and set a course record than he is to implode and miss the cut.  Plus it would be kind of sweet to watch/listen to all the spazzes who hate him cry.

5.  Ian Poulter.  Poulter is a dingleberry who wears hot pink pants and he missed the cut in his last start, but I can't help but shake the feeling that he's going to be in the mix on Sunday.  He seems to live for the big events, even though as I now look at his career in majors it really isn't all that impressive.  Huh.  This could be one of those "perception isn't reality" kind of things.  I guess we'll find out how stupid I am by Sunday.  Or, god forbid, Friday.

6.  Retief Goosen.  He seems to be popping up on a lot of lists as a favorite, and why not?  He's playing as well as he has in years with five top-10s already this year, and he's an absolute majors horse.  He has four career top-3s at Augusta, and prior to missing the cut last year he had finished top-20 seven consecutive years at the Masters.  He's almost certainly going to be a factor again this year.   

7.  Delmon Young.  Is there anything he can't do?

8.  Nick Watney.  I love this guy.  He's just a solid all-around player with no major holes in his game and who rarely seems intimidated by a strong field, a famous course, or a big tournament.  He's been solid, if unspectacular this year, but has shown in the past that he can get around at Augusta.  In his two career appearances here he's finished 11th and 19th.  I think things are lining up for him to jump up and surprise this weekend.

9.  Charl Schwartzel.  Kind of a sleeper pick, but when he's everybody's big sleeper is he really a sleeper anymore?  Schwartzel has played in four tournaments in the States and has three top 10s (including two WGC events) and has two wins on the European Tour to boot.  His name is retarded, but he can clearly play and he's from South Africa where apparently everyone is good at golf and racism.

10.  Steve Stricker.  He has to be on this list because he's just so damn good and consistent, mostly because he's so good with the putting stick.  Now that Adam Scott died, he's clearly the best golfer without a major victory and he's been in such a zone that he's almost certainly going to get one this year.  Why not now?

11.  Padraig Harrington.  He's so good in majors that you can't possibly discount him, even if he sort of seems like he's been coasting since that incredible run where he won 3 out of 6 majors.  But like I said, you can't discount him.  Like an Ipod on Black Friday.