Best Gophers of the Tubby Era: #25-21.

Throughout the summer I'll be writing up each of the 34 players who played for the University of Minnesota under Tubby Smith.  Why Tubby?  Because it's the most recent era that's over.  If this goes well perhaps I'll go back and do Monson as well.  I'll be looking at any player who played at Minnesota under Tubby at some point, even if it was just a year.  And I will be considering their entire Gopher career, so guys who started under Monson or finished under Pitino will have their whole career considered, but anyone who transferred in or out is only evaluated on their Gopher stats.  With me?  Here we go:

#34 to #31 can be found here.
#26-#30 can be found here.

25.  TRAVIS BUSCH (2007-2009).
-  I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking he should be higher based solely on his heart and his hustle and his grit.  Maybe so.  But grit and a can do it attitude can only get you so far - like a career total of 132 points in a gopher uniform.  I know you've talked yourself into remembering him as an impact player in his second year, but the fact of the matter is he only averaged 3.7 points per game that season.  I think he had a handful of good games in a row or something at one point.  Also, and I forgot this and only remembered when I was perusing my Busch archives, the team flat out decided not to renew his scholarship after his junior year.  So that's something.

24.  DEVRON BOSTICK (2008-2010).
-  Ranks up there with Antoine Broxsie as one of the most disappointing Gophers in my lifetime.  I remember reading up on him after the Gophers signed him out of JuCo and thinking damn he sounds good.  A polished scorer with two years of JuCo experience?  I figured him to come in and be instant offense at worst.  Never happened.  He averaged just 3.7 points per game in his Gopher career, and played less than 10 minutes per game his senior year.  Course, that'll happen when you shoot just 43%.  He had games where he started to look like he was putting it together, and he could certainly be a smooth offensive player at times, but time ran out before he could put it all together.

23.  CHIP ARMELIN (2010-2012).
-  Another disappointing Gopher, and other than Busch this whole post could just be labeled "The Disappointments", Armelin also never quite managed to put it all together.  He averaged 4.5 points per game in 12.5 minutes per game in his two years here, and although he certainly had some serious athletic ability it never really manifested itself.  He didn't put up good rebounding numbers, he wasn't a great defender, and he shot just 42%. He blossomed in his senior year after transferring to Mississippi State, but like I said, that means nothing here.  I initially had him below Bostick, but I forgot how ineffective Bostick actually was.  Armelin outscored him by 132 points, out-rebounded him by 32, and out-assisted him by 10.

22.  OTO OSENIEKS (2011-2014).
-  Another guy who never quite put it all together.  Oto had a weird career, culminating in a career ending injury until the Gophers needed another big guy and then suddenly he could play again.  His willingness to help the team is commendable, and he was maybe is a coach or grad assistant or something so that's great, but he also averaged just 3.5 points per game in his 3-year Gopher career and was a pretty god awful rebounder despite being 6-8.  I always liked Oto, and I really wanted him to succeed since it seemed to me everyone was a bit too hard on him.  Somehow, my want never made it so.

21.  PAUL CARTER (2008-2010).
-  Carter played just two years for the Gophers before transferring to UIC to be closer to his sick sister, but he ranks this highly because he's actually good.  He had the most points and second most rebounds of any player ranked so far despite just the two seasons.  Carter really made some strides between his first and second seasons and could have been a potential star, and he blossomed quite a bit once he enrolled at UIC.  It was a bummer when he left, and I'll always remember his huge block in the big comeback win in Madison which, by the way, I was in attendance for.  After the game and then after the bar we went to some pizza place and there was some punk kid there who moved our stuff and was sitting in our seat and he wouldn't move and wouldn't even look at us or acknowledge us in any way so Dawger slapped the pizza out of his stupid mouth and then we got kicked out.  Still got to take our pizza with us though.

Fare thee Well, Paul Carter (+ Masters Preview)

In definite bummer news, it came out early this morning from Nadine at the Gopher Hole that Paul Carter is transferring to be closer to his family.  If you remember, his sister is sick with something I don't remember so I'm going to say cancer, and since Carter is close with her he feels he needs to be there for his family.  While most Gopher transfers have simply been players who shouldn't have been recruited to the Big Ten in the first place (Limar Wilson, Engen Nurumbi, Aliou Kane), discipline problems (Brandon Smith), or just unhappy (Antoine Broxsie), this is a transfer that actually is a bummer, although it makes a lot of sense for him.

I was hoping Carter could be next year's Damian Johnson, and his offensive game was progressing nicely outside of the 2.5 missed layups per game.  Not to mention it was always fun to debate who would win a no-rules bar fight between him and Westbrook.  I wish Carter nothing but the best, and hope he has much success wherever he ends up. Whoever is lucky enough to snag him will be getting a good player, a by all accounts great person, and I assume one hell of a bar fighter.  This also ensures the Gophers will have enough scholarships for Maurice Walker, Cory Joseph, and Royce White, should that come to fruition, so if you're looking for a silver lining there you go.

With that said, this weekend is of course the Return of Tiger Open held at Augusta, so I feel the need to give a bit of a preview, top ten style.  If you're itching to talk Twins we'll get their eventually, but it's only been two games so settle down, nerd.  I will say that Delmon looks great, not just because he slimmed down but he seems like he has an idea of what he's doing at the plate.  More on that later this week or maybe next. 

If you're looking to wager on the tournament, your best bets (for the money) are Furyk at 15-1, Dustin Johnson at 33-1, Nick Watney at 45-1, Mike Weir at 50-1, and Zach Johnson at 55-1.  Anyway, here are your top 11, much like I do with NFL odds:


1.  Jim Furyk.  More of a hunch than anything specifically pointing to him as the favorite, but it's not as if it's a total shot in the dark.  Furyk won just a few weeks ago at the Transitions, which, granted, isn't the most high-profile of tournaments but there is still a pretty decent field and it was Furyk's first win since 2007 so he's got momentum.  He followed that up with an 11th at the Arnie Palmer against a very good field, and he's always been pretty good at Augusta with four top tens in his career (T-10 last year) and has only missed the cut here once.  Plus, there's nothing better than watching that sweet, fundamental swing of Furyk's.  That's why they call him "The Big Fundamental."

2.  Lee Westwood.   Nobody hates it more than me when a dirty Euro comes over here and tramps all over our country and steals our women and our green jackets, but Westwood has the look of a player who is ready to finally win his first major.  Also the look of someone with terrible teeth, dumbo ears, and who needs a shower.

3.  Ernie Els.  With the way this jackass is playing he should probably be your favorite to win this week, but he's played as many holes on the weekend at Augusta the last three years as I have (hint:  it's zero).  Prior to those missed cuts, however, Els had five top tens from 2000-2004.  How much of his crappy play the last few years was due to injury and how much was just being bad?  Is he back and awesome or was it all kind of a fluke?  I don't know.  You tell me.

4.  Tiger Woods.  God, I don't know where to slot him.  I'm not worried about him mentally since he's basically a robot programmed soley to golf and have sex with whores, but he hasn't played competitive golf in months, and playing practice rounds isn't the same thing.  I think he's a lot more likely to blow away the field and set a course record than he is to implode and miss the cut.  Plus it would be kind of sweet to watch/listen to all the spazzes who hate him cry.

5.  Ian Poulter.  Poulter is a dingleberry who wears hot pink pants and he missed the cut in his last start, but I can't help but shake the feeling that he's going to be in the mix on Sunday.  He seems to live for the big events, even though as I now look at his career in majors it really isn't all that impressive.  Huh.  This could be one of those "perception isn't reality" kind of things.  I guess we'll find out how stupid I am by Sunday.  Or, god forbid, Friday.

6.  Retief Goosen.  He seems to be popping up on a lot of lists as a favorite, and why not?  He's playing as well as he has in years with five top-10s already this year, and he's an absolute majors horse.  He has four career top-3s at Augusta, and prior to missing the cut last year he had finished top-20 seven consecutive years at the Masters.  He's almost certainly going to be a factor again this year.   

7.  Delmon Young.  Is there anything he can't do?

8.  Nick Watney.  I love this guy.  He's just a solid all-around player with no major holes in his game and who rarely seems intimidated by a strong field, a famous course, or a big tournament.  He's been solid, if unspectacular this year, but has shown in the past that he can get around at Augusta.  In his two career appearances here he's finished 11th and 19th.  I think things are lining up for him to jump up and surprise this weekend.

9.  Charl Schwartzel.  Kind of a sleeper pick, but when he's everybody's big sleeper is he really a sleeper anymore?  Schwartzel has played in four tournaments in the States and has three top 10s (including two WGC events) and has two wins on the European Tour to boot.  His name is retarded, but he can clearly play and he's from South Africa where apparently everyone is good at golf and racism.

10.  Steve Stricker.  He has to be on this list because he's just so damn good and consistent, mostly because he's so good with the putting stick.  Now that Adam Scott died, he's clearly the best golfer without a major victory and he's been in such a zone that he's almost certainly going to get one this year.  Why not now?

11.  Padraig Harrington.  He's so good in majors that you can't possibly discount him, even if he sort of seems like he's been coasting since that incredible run where he won 3 out of 6 majors.  But like I said, you can't discount him.  Like an Ipod on Black Friday.

I am terrified to write this preview

Yes, I am terrified.  The Gopher win over Illinois this weekend did just enough to get them back into bubble talks, and with two "easy" games left - at Michigan and vs. Iowa - things should be looking in decent shape for them to stay in consideration. 

But my entire Minnesota rooting life has conditioned me to expect the worst and I am nearly certain they will lose one of these two games.  Will they win the "tougher" one and beat Michigan just to drop the "easy" game and the end of the schedule?  Or will they just drop this first one here and put everyone out of their misery?  Or is it possible, just possible, they'll ask win both games, as they should, and go into the Big Ten Tournament in good enough shape to justify consideration?

I don't know, I just don't, but this feels just like watching the Vikings/Saints all over again.  You don't know why or how, but you just know things aren't going to go in your favore.

1.  So how has Michigan done since their soul-crushing defeat of the Gophers?  They followed up that win by winning at Iowa, and since have lost three straight:  versus Penn State and Illinois and at Ohio State while failing to score more than fifty-five points in any game.  They have continued to be terrible at scoring the basketball, and have shot 36% or less in all three games during the losing streak while continuing to be horrible at shooting the three-pointer, hitting a combined 17-76 (22%) in the three games while shooting them with the frequency of a drunk wrestler at open gym, taking 76 of them compared to just 40 by their opponents.  In short, they're still bad.  

2.  Remind me again how the Gophers lost last time?   Michigan actually scored the ball, hitting 50% from the field and 7-14 from three, with less reliance on the three-point shot because they were able to get the ball inside, leading to DeShawn Sims doing whatever he wanted and scoring 27 points.  Not to mention that the Wolverines only turned it over eight times, and the future (and the now) of the Gophers, Devoe and Sampson, combined to score just eleven points on 3-12 shooting.  You can read my live blog of the game here, but I have to warn you that by the end it just degenerated into me insulting the Gophers using British slang.

3.  So are we still worried about Sims?  Well, he followed up that monster game against the Gophers with another good one against Iowa (27 and 10), but since then has fallen back to earth.  He's gone 10 and 8, 7 and 13, and 11 and 6 in the losing streak, and has hit on just 34% of his field goal attempts.  The problem isn't even that he's fallen back in love with the three-point shot, which he has a tendency to do, since he took just three attempts in those three games.  Since he started since slump, Ralphie has gone in the opposite direction, and even though he didn't put up impressive numbers against Illinois he is still showing more emotion and more aggressiveness.  I think Ralph dominates Sims, so I'm not worried.  I mean, I'm worried, but I'm not worried. 

4.  Any sneaky "key-to-the-game" type players for the Gophers this time around?  I'm going with Paul Carter and, to a lesser extent, Rodney Williams.  Michigan has a limited number of athletes, and when they're busy trying to check the Gophers' main guys, Carter and Williams should be able to have success getting inside.  Especially Carter, who has been very good lately when given the playing time.  In his last three games where he's played more than 10 minutes (Michigan, Northwestern, and Illinois) he's hit double-figures in scoring and grabbed at least 3 boards while hitting 13 of 18 shot attempts.  Rodney had his second-best game in the Big Ten season against Illinois, going for 8 points and 6 rebounds, and could be finally breaking out - no better time than the present. 

5.  So do they stay alive for a bid?  There really isn't any reason to believe Michigan is going to win this game.  They are a bad, bad team, and the only Big Ten wins they have grabbed in Ann Arbor this year were against Iowa, Indiana, and Ohio State without Evan Turner.  Of course, they also beat UCONN in Crisler.  Even more of course, the beat the Gophers in Minneapolis.  And the most of course of all, is that this is the kind of game I believe in my black heart, deep down inside, that the Gophers always have and always will lose.  I wish I didn't feel that way, but be honest - would you really be surprised? 

Michigan 68, Minnesota 64.

Swamp Donkey!

 I'm sitting here watching this stupid game, and I wasn't going to type anything up but I'm watching and my blood is boiling and I just can't take it.  Why can't they figure out Michigan's man-to-man?  Why are we still seeing the "line changes" at this point in the season?  Why won't Tubby shorten the rotation when it's clear Iverson can't guard Sims and Bostick, as much as it pains me, doesn't belong out on the floor?  Why does this team constantly refuse to get back on defense?  Why is Ralph so accurate with the lob pass from the high to the low post?  Anyway, we're at the 7 minute mark of the first half and the Gophers are down 19-15 and I'm ready to kill.  It also doesn't help that Snacks is in Vegas and I'm not.  I'd much rather start drinking at 9am and then gamble for 12 hours then go to work.  I hate that guy.

5:51 -  You really can't leave the Hoff open.  This guy is ridiculous.  He's like the white Larry Bird, only if Bird was more like Craig Hodges.

5:16 -  Possibly the best quote ever by Bob Knight "Westbrook gets a little anxious to dribble the ball."  Awesome.

5:16 - Please note:  Blake was a Ginger as a kid.

5:01 - Airball by Stu Douglass on a wide open shot.  And I mean wide-open.  This team really can't shoot.  If the Gophers lose here they should be beyond embarrassed.  Even worse than Northwestern losing to Iowa.  Seriously.

4:22 - Manny almost passes too much.  There was a turnover on a pass to Sims who couldn't handle it.  Although the more I see Harris, the more I'm not sure of him as a pro.  I can watch Werewolf Turner and see how he's going to be a good NBA player, but I don't see it as much in Harris.  He might be, but I bet it will take him a lot longer than Turner.  And Sims is a lock to dominate in Turkey.

2:47 - They are up to 13 Final Fantasys now?  Man, Dawger and I played the shit out of Final Fantasy 7 in college.  Between that, the Star Wars games, NCAA Football, and Hot Shots Golf it's amazing we ever got to class.  Well, maybe one of us didn't, but I still have a degree.  SCREW YOU FOR JUDGING.

1:26 - Picture it:  Breakaway.  1-on-1.  Paul Carter versus Manny Harris, Carter with the ball.  You're picturing disaster (well I was), and yet Carter takes it at him for the lay-in and the foul (and makes the foul shot).  I think it's clear, Carter > Harris.

0:00 -  Good foul Rodney. 

19:25 -  So Devoe can't shoot now?  Awesome trend.  By the way, I'm watching this on Tivo and am fairly drunk already, so that's why this is so retarded.  Like you. 

19:00 -  More missed layups.  Sweet Juniper berries this team can't score.  Just terrible. 

18:22 -  Westbrook goes right by some dumb white guy and two passes later it's a wide open three for the Hoff, which he of course makes.  I really wish they could do that every time.  Also, playing defense would be great.  Nice layup, Sims. 

17:50 -  Musberger just described a Sampson turnaround jumper as "uncomfortable."  As much as I'd like to argue, he was right.  Ralphie really not looking comfy tonight.  Must be the uncoordinated whitey on him.  Being from the south and all, I'm sure white dudes make him extra nervous.

16:46 - Johnson beaten off the dribble as badly as I've seen in his four years by Harris.  Luckily some good help defense creates a miss, but wow.

16:38 -  Every time one of these white dudes for Michigan scores it should probably count double.

16:25 -  Eight different Gophers have an assist tonight.  Wow.  Awesome.  I'm super excited about that stat.  Michigan leads 34-31.

15:09 - Joseph misses another three.  Am I crazy or is he just missing like, all the time these days?  I'm telling you, dude is a shooting guard and when he's forced to play point it messes with his mind and screws up his shot.  You know how there are some guys who can't DH because they need to play the field in order to hit?  And it's 100% in their head but it still seems to matter?  That's Joseph when he has to play point guard. 

14:51 -  Due to some switches, Harris ends up with the ball with Cobbs on him.  He ends up passing it away, and then gets it back, and passes it away again.  Dude, you need to recognize things.  I love Cobbsy and all, but no chance in hell can he stop Harris one-on-one.  I'm not exactly sure if I should blame Beilein, Harris, or just "the system" or what, but that was a huge opportunity.  Why am I worried about this team again?  Other than that they're up 3 right now?

13:21 - Westbrook scores on a nice follow off a Ralph miss, then pickes up a really stupid (and also really ticky-tack) foul 80 feet from the basket.  Since it's his third Tubby yanks him, which causes Westbrook to pretty demonstrately show that he doesn't agree with the decision.  I don't care if you love him or hate him, but Westbrook has got to be an absolute handful to try to coach.  Also a handful:  your sister's boobs.

12:40 - Hoff with another three.

11:50 -  Brutal turnover by Joseph, basically just throwing it right to a Michigan defender.  Michigan is now up six, 44-38.  We're running out of time here fellas.  Not really all that cute anymore.  You might want to go ahead and consider stopping with the suckness.  Please?  I'm mostly kidding about the NIT stuff.  Although the opportunity to see Dominique Jones live does put a little hop in my step, I'd still rather watch the Gophers lose by twenty in the first round of the NCAA tournament.  Come on, retards.  Michigan sucks.

11:20 -  Westbrook back in.  Probably had a good cry.  And we just got about the third or fourth offensive foul called against the Gophers, and they were all kind of brutal.  Sort of some anti-home cooking going on here.  I blame Obama.  Can't trust him, you know.  He's an arab.

11:00 - Hoff misses an open three.  Musberger seems shocked, but I figure that seems about right.  When things come crashing down, they always come crashing down in a big way.  Just ask Metallica.  Hoff just missed another one while I was typing.  Ugh.

9:38 -  Some big dumb guy hits a three for Michigan, and we're now at a 9-point Michigan lead.  This is really quite depressing.  I think I'm going to stop typing.

8:57 - Uh oh.  It's looking like Westbrook has switched into "F You" mode.  He passed that one off, but I could tell it caused him physical pain to do it.  Something good better happen, because it's still a nine point game.  And now they are in the bonus.  That can only help Michigan.

8:31 -  Douglass absolutely loses Westbrook for a wide open layup and the foul.  God this is pathetic.  I'm only posting in British slang the rest of the way.

7:49 -  Bloody Hell.

7:33 - Michigan is shooting 69% in the second half.  These bunch of billy-no-mates are getting rather cheeky with the bunch of blighters who make up the Gopher squad.

6:35 - Thus far these pillocks are at least making their free throws, which gives them a hard chance about it.  Michigan still up six, but they are a bunch of charva, so I haven't given up just yet. 

6:16 -  Harris with a monster three.  Might be the kick in the goonies that ends this one.  And then Rodney turns it over and stands there like a true piss-artist.  Just pathetic.  I'm so glad the second unit is in, especially since they just let Sims hit a wide fucking open layup to put Michigan up eleven.  ELEVEN.  It's fucking Michigan at fucking home.  You are playing for your god damned tournament life you fucking morons!  Honest to christ, somebody give me a reason to believe in Tubby.  I can't come up with one.  This whole year has been a god damned nightmare and he's the man at the helm.  I feel like I'm on the Titanic and Billy Zane has already crashed it into a iceberg and I'm stuck in the freezing water and Kate Winslet is too fat to let me sit on the floating door with her so now I have to die.  BOLLOCKS!

5:14 -  Another Michigan layup.  I'm done here.

2:12 -  I'm just popping back in to mention that Michigan just got another layup.  Seriously, these prats are the worst defensive team I've ever seen, and the fact that they have a good reputation defensively is nothing but piffle.

So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yarbles!

Seriously.  Tell me why I shouldn't be anti-Tubby.  Tell me.  I see no reason whatsoever to be on his side at this point.  What is the difference between him and Monson?  Minimal, at this point.  Minimal.  We were promised so much more, and I bought it.  I bought it hook, line, and sinker and I've ignored a lot of things that bothered me because "we got Tubby."  F that.  You can have him back.

Good Lord Lazy

(pic added, just for Snake)

14:00 - Watching the game on tape delay, and I wasn't going to type up anything or live (taped) blog this, but it's time to say lazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazy.  Sampson walks through the paint while a shot is in the air.  Westbrook walks out to defend his man.  Johnson lets the dribbler go right past him in transition.  Hell, Hoffarber has looked like crap defensively but I'm actually more proud of him than anybody else because at least he's trying, he just doesn't have the ability.  Seriously, this a pathetic effort.  I try harder to listen when Mrs. W is talking about The Biggest Loser, and god knows I'm not trying very hard.

12:02 - I don't hate aggessive-brook, but jesus christ he drives me batty some times.  There's a difference between being aggressive and just throwing up anything.  You aren't Glen Rice.  You don't have a "zone" like that.  Calm the hell down.  Of course, there are times where it's needed.  I'm just saying.  Not right now.

11:40 - we finally hit a tv timeout, and I'm pretty sure we just went all the way to the under 12 without a break.  I could be wrong.  I've had a few drinks.  We had a work thing (thus the reason I'm watching this on Tivo).  Oh, you want to know what I had?  I went with the Buffalo Ribeye (that's bison, not buffalo sauce, which I already had to explain once tonight) with fingerling potatoes and a couple absolut tonics.  No salad, because the communist restaurant we went to didn't have caesar salad.  What the F?

11:23 - Huh.  So even if you miss a timeout, they just give back to back ones even if you're under 12 minutes already.  Interesting.  I guess the Marines and the National Geographic Channel aren't just gonna sell themselves.  (NOTE:  I love the Nat Geo channel.  Naked Science and Hooked! are both awesome).

11:00 - I think Mrkovic has had his shot blocked six times already.  No joke.  I should also mention here that Northwestern isn't running that queer zone.  I'd bet anything they bust in out to start the second half.  Also Mrkovic just had his shot blocked again, this time Rodney rejected it so hard Mrkys boyfriend died.

9:20 - Nobody in history has missed as many close-in shots as Paul Carter.  It's not possible.

8:37 - By the way, the T-Wolves were down 40-16 after the first quarter tonight.  It's the only time a Minnesota team has been outscored by 24 points in one quarter.  Not counting Gopher football.  *rimshot*

7:20 - Bostick for three!  I'm telling you, he'd be the leading scorer in the Missouri Valley, not counting that dude from Drake.   

5:56 - Tie ball game at 21 after a Damian dunk.  That's two fantasy points, bitches.  And a Westbrook three gives the team the lead after a steal off the press that for some odd reason wasn't run at all against the turnover prone Spartans.  But we aren't allowed to question Tubby.  Forget I said that.

5:31 - Shurna dunk.  That's two fantasy points, bitches.

4:45 - By the way, if you haven't yet, check out the recruiting class Pastner is bringing in at Memphis next year.  It's so good that I am pretty sure I'm going to write a post about it at some point, but if you want a preview check it out.  It makes the Fab Five or this year's Kentucky class look like your typical Monson class (Minnesota, not Gonzaga).

4:15 - I have no idea what this offense is, but two Gophers just made the same cut, from the same spot to the same spot.  I'm going to assume that's not correct.

3:25 - Holy crap the Twins actually signed Thome?  Awesome.  I love this.  Snacks and I had a nice email conversation about this today.  They play Thome every 3rd game or so against righties (sitting Delmon and putting Kubes in left) and use him as a big bat late off the bench for anyone of their constant myriad of light-hitting infielders and it works very well, depending on price, which I haven't seen yet. 

3:00 - a bunch of steals and some points happened while I typed that.  Gophers now lead 31-23.

2:55 -  one year, $1.5 million with another $750k in possible incentives?  Freakin' steal.  I love this.  Please don't be old and suck.

1:00 - Carter misses another tip inside.  He's cursed.

0:45 - I see why Northwestern ranks so awful in getting their shots blocked on offense.  They just don't care who is around.  Any of those crazy white boys is willing to just take the shot at any time no matter who might be lurking.  Gotta be honest, not sure that's a winning strategy.

0:02.4 - Quote from Gardy "I don't expect him to come off the bench and be a .400 hitter. I expect him to come off the bench and be a threat," Gardenhire said. "He looks like stinkin' Babe Ruth. He swings like Babe Ruth. We've seen too many fly against us. Now let's see some fly for us."  I love it.  Let's let this moment be a philosophy shifter.

HALF - Gophers lead 33-25.  At this point you'd probably be thinking everything is going swimmingly.  Gophers lead by more than half of what they were favored by and really dominated the back half of the first half, so everybody be happy and dance and eat hot dogs.  Well guess what, Gomer?  We still haven't seen that queer little press, so let's not start making out with each other while the green guy watches from the corner just yet, k?

19:45 - There's the zone, and they work the ball inside and get an easy six-footer from DJ.  Beautiful.  Perfect, even.  Why can't I believe it'll be that way every time?

18:50 - Northwestern gets three shots that possession, which is embarrassing all by itself, but somehow airballs two of them.  I'm smelling rout.

17:49 - Ben Sheets got more than $8 million for one year?  Yamma hamma, it's fright night.  Interesting, and expensive, gamble, but say he is back to his old form and they can ship him out at the trade deadline to a contender?  Could be genius.  Probably not, but could be.

15:35 - Gophers handling the zone inexplicably well.  A lot of ball movement, good use of Ralph in the high-post (I'd bet he already has a season-high in assists this game, and a lot of penetrating the gaps (*thatswhatshesaid*)

15:05 - Gophers go with the second-unit crap, and for some reason Carmody pulls the zone off and goes back to man.  If ever a group of ballplayers was begging to be passively 1-3-1'd it's these guys.  Cobbs?  Williams?  Carter?  Bostick?  One ballhandler in the group and he's an overexciteable (yet full of promise) freshman.  And you want Iverson to play your high post?  If he doesn't end up scoring a bucket on an attempted lob pass at some point this year I'll be a monkey's uncle.

14:42 - Shurna heating up.  That's like 3 three pointers this half, and the lead is down to six.

13:41 - Bostick throws the lob to an open Williams that sails into about the 13th row.  When he is pulled, immediately, from the lineup Tubby calls him right over to talk - what do you say here?  Next possession and Hoffarber tries the lob to Williams and it's another misfire and another turnover.  See, now this is where you need to put a stop to this shit.  It's only a six-point lead, you can't be farting around like you're playing open gym against a bunch of guys in backwards hats who wear gold chains to play ball.  This needs to be a timeout/chewout situation.  He got Bostick out of there in a hurry, but golden boy Hoffarber is still in the game.  Could Tubby be a racist?  He did coach in the deep south, Oklahoma, and Kentucky.  I assume those are the three racist capitals of the world.  I think they got to Tubby.  It certainly explains a lot about why Busch played so many minutes last year.

12:18 - Fun rant and all, but it's now a four-point game.

12:04 - two point game after a Wildcat steal.  At least Tubby has the decency to call the timeout right away instead of waiting for the tv stoppage like a whole bunch of other idiots always do.

11:01 - Devoe and Johnson discuss who should guard "Juice" on the inbounds play, even pointing and making hand gestures.  Then they both leave him, giving him a wide open three-pointer without him even making a cut (or, actually, so much as a step) and he, of course, knocks it down to make it a 42-41 Gopher lead.  This team is going to kill me.  Literally knife me to death in my sleep.

10:05 - At least Ralphie is showing some aggression tonight, continuing to slowly develop into the player I always said he'd be before I turned my back on him a few weeks ago.  Bad fan?  Or master motivator?  Just because he's ignored my facebook friend request doesn't mean he doesn't read this blog every single day.

9:20 - Devoe throws it away against the 1-3-1 (7th team turnover of the half) and the Wildcats get the ball back down just two.  I'm afraid to watch.

8:29 - Alternating shitty possessions before Ralph gets open for a monster dunk.  He'll probably end up breaking a backboard at some point.  If Tiny Gallon can do it, why not Ralph?

7:57 - Carter misses a layup on the break.  I'm not even kidding.  That guy needs to go back to 6th grade gym class with Mr. Jones where he made you shoot layups over and over again, and then when he finally let you play three-on-three and you had to guard some massive girl who had six inches and sixty pounds on you would call you for a foul if you so much as hand-checked even a little.  And I swear it was just a handcheck, no hanky panky.  Although, now that I think about it, that might have been a golden opportunity.  God I was a dumb twelve-year old.

5:57 - Cobbs back in and Northwestern is once again in a man defense.  It's like they're scared of him.  Pretty sure the only entity that needs to fear Cobbs is the backboard.  Oh, and Juice hits a three right over him when he closes out weakly and lazily, and we're tied at 48.  They lose this I'm not going to a game the rest of the year, and it's time get after Tubby.  No joke.

5:08 - Shurna to the line after a DJ turnover.  My good buddy and occassional hockey guy Snake has a theory that Damian is on the take, and sometimes it seems to make sense.  For all the little things he does really well, he also does a whole lot of little things wrong.  Watch him carefully sometime, it's true.  Shurna makes 1.

4:45 - Hoff for three, Gophers by two.  I'm starting to think if Hoff was standing in Dinkytown taking volunteers to give him handies I'd be second in line (behind the Dawger.)

4:09 - Hoff for three again.  That's nine straight Gopher points for him.  I'm pretty sure I'd be first, and with a variety of lotions. 

3:15 - Lest you thought this was over, Nash hits a three, then a steal on a shitty Devoe pass leads to a Nash layup and we're back to a two point Gopher lead.  At least my Northwestern +10.5 looks good.  Unlike that shot Devoe just chucked up there that missed everything but the backboard.  Good lord does he clench at the end of close games.  I hope Corey doesn't have that same trait, or he's going to go to the podium to announce his decision and instead of saying "UCONN" he's going to blurt "UMASS."  It's funny cause UMASS sucks.

2:30 - Hoff for three on a great great great pass/decision by Westbrook on a play where I would have expected him to force his own shot.  Very impressed by that play.

2:20 - Terrible defense by Devoe, completely losing Shurna, but that was at least nullified by a nice DJ lay-in on yet another great pass by Ralph.  I knew this was going to the wire.  61-56 Gophers.  And we've seen our first "HOFFARBER FACTOR" graphic ever.  Congrats?

1:21 - According to "Chad Ford", Greg Monroe isn't a lottery pick this year.  That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.  There are four good picks this year:  Monroe, Wall, Favors, and Turner.  Who wants to bet the Wolves end up at three or four, but take somebody like Ed Davis?  I'd bet anything.  Except my vodka.

1:21 - I just looked further (dont' worry, game is paused) and Ford has Monroe as the #23 prospect behind guys like UNC's John Henson, who looks like a 6-10 Tayshaun Prince, if Prince was scared of contact, and Willie Warren, who is too small to play the 2 and too shitty to play the point.  This is baffling to me.  I'm baffled.  I suppose I'm better off watching the end of the game instead.  But I'm terrified.  I almost want to just skip to the end.  I won't.  I can't.  I'm going to watch the whole thing because I'm strong.  I'm like the Sojourner Truth of gopher bloggers.

0:55 - Joseph misses a wide open three with the Gophers up three.  You cannot miss that shot when your #1 skill is three-point shooting.  You cannot.

15.6 - Northwestern gets a terrible shot and misses, rebound out of bounds to the Gophers, but not before Juice goes right by Joseph.  Thanks to terrible decision making he kicks it out instead of scoring somehow.  Looked a lot like somebody playing a video game and hittng the wrong button.  Whatever, we'll take it.

10.6 - Devoe misses the front-end, but Hoff snags the O-board and gets fouled.  Remember what I said above?  Double it.  Blake makes both and we're looking at the rare team win and wager win.  Nice.

3.5 - Juice hits a forty-footer and we're looking at a two point game.  Not even the Gophers can blow this, right?  RIGHT?

3.5 - I want you to know that Cartier Martin scored 20 tonight for Golden State.  Apparently anybody can put up huge numbers in that offense.  Suck it, Curry (and, by extension, Dawger).

3.0 - Westbrook free throw good.  Carmody timeout. Hoffarber montage.  Westy free throw.  Ballgame.

It wasn't exactly impressive, but at this point I'm not really looking for style points.  Just win the game.  And they did.  I'd write more but I'm tired.  This team is exhausting.

Gopher Basketball is finally here

Perfect timing.  With baseball season ending, it is time to turn to college basketball and the Gophers start tonight in a preseason exhibition against the hated Bulldogs of UMD.

The team has certainly been in the news lately, and for all the wrong reasons, but now it's time to hit the court and I can't wait, although my excitement is a bit tempered because the two guys I really wanted to see play are both suspended/being held out of games.  However you want to word it, it sucks.  But there is still plenty to look at tonight

- Ralph Sampson.  Tonight begins his march towards All-American status.  Reports are that he is in incredible shape and has put on quite a few pounds of muscle, as well as that his mid-range jumper is coming along nicely.  He had some nice post moves last year, although unpolished, and if he's spent the time working on his offensive game could be an incredible inside/outside weapon.

- Colt Iverson.  What's his role?  Offensive weapon?  Defensive stopper?  Big time rebounder?  Warm body?

-  Lawrence Westbrook.  L-Dub was a big-time weapon at times last year, but had a tendency to disappear just as often when he was needed.  It will be tough to tell from one game against a lesser opponent, but he needs to be focused all season, every game.

-  Al Nolen.  Excellent defender, good at taking care of the ball, not an offensive threat whatsoever and it sounds like he still might not have found a jumpshot.  If he can't keep defenses honest from the perimeter, when does he become more of a liability than a weapon?

-  Justin Cobbs.  It sounds like Cobbs can shoot it, based on his runner-up finish in the three-point contest.  What about the rest of his game?  With Mbakwe and White out, he becomes the new guy I'm most interested in.

-  Rodney Williams.  But I didn't forget about Rodney.  No question he's an incredible athlete, what about the rest of his game?

-  Blake Hoffarber.  Is his shot back?

-  Devoe Joseph.  Now that he doesn't have to worry about playing the point, how high can he go with his offensive game?  We got a taste a couple of times last year, now back at his natural position what is the limit?

-  Damian Johnson.  Has the offensive game caught up with the rest of him, not that it would need to for him to be the team MVP.

-  Paul Carter.  He becomes even more important with those two clowns not playing, and the reports are he will be much improved this year.

-  Team nerd.  With both Travis Busch and Kevin Payton gone, who fills the role of the team nerd?  You know, the guy who stands at the end of the line for intros and does the weird handshakes and jumping butt bumps or whatever you call that thing people do?  Since I'm going to the bar before the game, I'm guessing I'm going to miss this part.  Bummer.  My money is on Cobbs, dark horse Joseph.

-  The Team.  How do they react to all that's gone on this week?  Come out focused and destroy UMD, or wander around going through the motions?


So you see, despite it being a meaningless game, there is plenty here to look at.  I don't have the time nor inclination to do a preview of the Bulldogs, but if that's your sort of thing the esteemed blog From the Barn has done the research.

When Doves Cry

Yep, that's pretty much what we've come to at this point. It's probably time to realize the Gophers are a thoroughly mediocre team after dropping a game at home to Purdue 70-62, a score I almost called. In a game which was made even worse by rush-hour like traffic both before and after, the Gophers followed up their sloppy effort against Northwestern on Sunday with an even sloppier, uglier, lazier effort last night. A lot of that can be credited to Purdue, who is a fabulous defensive squad, but if you're a national ranked team with aspirations on a good seed in the NCAA tournament you find a way to get it done, especially when you're at home.

An ugly game was made even uglier by Heavy Handed Hightower who, along with those other guys, called a ridiculous 49 fouls leading to a total of 61 free throws between the teams. The Gophers were actually right there in the rebound battle (losing 32-29) and forced the Boilers into 17 turnovers to just 14 for the home team. Unfortunately, none of that matters when you shoot just 28% (3-19 from three) and allow the other team to shoot 47% (6-11 from three).

It's time to ramp down projections and temper your hopes and dreams, as it's becoming clear that maybe this Gopher team just isn't as good as it had appeared. They can't guard or score against the really good teams. I'm not saying they are a bad team, far from it, but after the Wisconsin win expectations really rose, my own included. It's time to realize they are basically a bubble team, looking at a 7-11 type seed if they get in and possibly one victory in the tournament. That is the new level of success we should hope for. Pretty much exactly where we were going into this season. Still a good team, but my hopes have been dashed. Let me pose something, perhaps the win over wisconsin wasn't an indication of how good the Gophers are, but how bad the Badgers are. I just blew your mind.

Anyway, here's some stuff:

Halftime Show: That was awful. When it's a bunch of girls running around jumping and flipping about like the Fargo-Moorhead Acro Team it's awesome. When it's two dudes doing the same thing, it's just gay.

Lewis Jackson: I don't know that I've ever seen anybody as fast as this little midget. His numbers aren't all that impressive this year or anything, but I have no idea how that's possible since he appears to be completely and totally unguardable. He did turn it over five times last night, but I think that's just the kind of thing you have to take sometimes with a guy like this. Not even Nolen could stay in front of him, and I didn't think that was possible. Speaking of unguardable...

Al Nolen: He's still unguardable as well, and can get to the paint anytime he wants. Here's the problem, he gets in too deep, and has no idea what to do. He either needs to start pulling up for a jumper, commit to getting to the rim and just keep going, or pass it back out before he gets in too deep. He seemed to have two modes last night, either drive and stop and have no idea what to do once he got in the lane, or keep charging in. He keep charging in thing has it's place, and last night it worked thanks to the refs as Nolen had 17 points, mainly thanks to his 10-10 on free throws. The stopping in the lane thing, however, has got to stop. He's got a ton of talent, and other than his 3-14 shooting and the driving and stopping thing, he had a great line (17pts, 6rebs, 4assists, 3steals). He's starting to become quite the enigma.

Poor Unsuspecting Girl: This was just some poor girl Snake pointing out to me, vulgarly referring to her as "Trim." Then she turned around, and was clearly no older than thirteen and wearing braces. I hope you enjoy prison Snake, say hi to Tweeder for me.

Lawrence Westbrook: I'm pretty upset with myself for defending Westbrook in the comments of my last post, he really played a very lazy game last night. He got lost on defense a few times, and even seemed to have trouble handling the ball - like he couldn't quite dribble correctly, more like an 8 year old girl than a nationally ranked team's leading scorer. One play was completely inexcusable - I don't remember exactly the situation, but a ball was heading out of bounds of the Boilers and in Westbrook's direction, rather than grab it, he lazily waited for it to go out of bounds, when instead a Purdue player ran over and saved it to a teammate. Just inexcusable. I honestly think he might have the flu or mono or the HIV or something, because I've never seen somebody play with less energy.

Ralph Sampson: One of the lone bright spots last night, Sampson finished with 6 points and 7 rebounds and won the coveted "Boston Scientific Heart of the Game." I still think this guy has the most potential out of any of the newcomers, and he seems to be gaining confidence. His outside jumpshot is pretty much completely random, either it's on or it's way, way, way off, but I have faith in him. All American in two years?

Devoe Joseph: I really liked how he tried to take over the game offensively for a stretch when the Gophers couldn't seem to score. It showed he has a scorers mentality, despite being used mainly as a PG - including playing the 1 when he and Nolen were in together. It wasn't his best game, but I saw something I really liked - much like when I watch that stats lady walk across the floor.

Green Guy: Honest to christ, what the hell was that? I don't even get it. Am I just old? I think it's pretty much just kind of stupid and weird. If you're going to be weird, at least make sense. Like, I get the guy who dresses like a cow, and I get the guys who painted their chests. It's demented and sad, but I get it. I don't get the gorillas (they aren't found in barns - you don't make sense) and I really don't get the green guy.

Travis Busch: Busch played 12 minutes which is far too many against a team like Purdue. I get that you want to mix it up a bit when things aren't working, but how about giving Devron Bostick more than 8 minutes? He might be our most complete offensive player, so why not give him more of a shot against a good defense? Sorry, I know I'm not allowed to question Tubby, my bad. The only memorable thing Busch did was when he blocked the shot of a 5-5 midget, then backed away from the ball which allowed the midget to grab it and throw it over to Hummel for a wide open three pointer, which he thankfully missed. You'd think a guy with all that grit and hustle would know to grab the ball, and probably dive at it even when not necessary.

Cross Country Hat Wearing Guy: This dude sat in front of us, wearing some kind of cross country hat, which was completely unformed and the back tab thing wasn't tucked in so it stuck out like some kind of reverse antenna. Every single timeout he had to stand up. It may not sound like much, but when me, Snake, and Snacks all noticed it separately, it's clearly pervasive and completely irritating. Just stay in your god damn seat, you damn hippie.

JaJuan Johnson: I said I was a bit concerned about Johnson, and didn't think Iverson could handle him and hoped Sampson could. Turns out nobody could. "The College KG" led Purdue with 19 points and 8 rebounds, and tossed in five blocked shots just for kicks. Completely unstoppable force. Big Ten Player of the Year.


Paul Carter: I didn't much notice Carter, and other than a very short stretch where he grabbed a steal and blocked a shot or two, he didn't do much, but the important question is: Who would win in a bar fight, Westbrook or Carter? Official bar type fight, where whatever weapons you can find (broken bottle, pool cue) are available? Snake says Carter, I say Westbrook.

Freaking Incredible

I can't get over it. Minnesota 78, Wisconsin 74. In overtime. In Madison. Unreal, just unreal. And I (along with Dawger and Bogart) had the pleasure of being there. Can't get over it. Since I just go back from Madison and am incredibly tired thanks to the long, long, hungover drive instead of trying to write anything resembling a coherent, flowing post, I'll just list out everything that was awesome.

- Tubby Smith. It's been said over and over again, but it's impossible to say enough about this man. Setting aside the recruiting, which has obviously been incredible, his game skills are just insane. Tubby outcoached Bo Ryan last night, and that was the biggest reason for the win, apologies to Lawrence Westbrook. For most of the night, and especially first half, the Gopher offense looked completely out of sync and mostly just lost. Nothing seemed to be working, but in the second half Tubby switched to a smaller, faster, and more athletic lineup of Westbrook, Carter, Bostick, DJ, and Hoffarber. Wisconsin had no answer. With a slower, less athletically inclined team, Wisconsin could not keep up with the Gophers. On defense, they swarmed the Badgers, forced them into numerous turnovers - 17 total for the game, most of which came in the second half. On offense, they ran three man weave, where Hoffarber would bring the ball up, cut to a side and hand off to either Bostick or Westbrook who would then look to drive and if it wasn't there would hand it off to the other one. The Badgers couldn't stop it, and the Gophers got layup after layup. As a matter of fact, the Gophers scored 20 points on their last 10 possessions, many of which using this offense. Great job by Tubby.

- Lawrence Westbrook showed how he scored 40 points a game in high school, showing the aggressiveness we've seen in a couple of early games but this time finishing. For the game, L-Dub ended up with 29 points on 10-16 shooting from the floor. He scored from the outside (2-2 on threes), he scored driving, and he scored in transition. An absolute huge game from Westbrook, rivaling the Vincent Grier display from the Wisconsin game back in the day.

- Damian Johnson made some of the biggest plays of the day, mainly a blocked shot on Wisconsin towards the end as well as a putback late off a missed layup and, of course, the huge three pointer to cut Wisconsin's lead to 1 with under a minute to go. The guy who I said should probably not shoot the ball beyond about twelve feet made a nice jump fake, dribble-step back, and easily swished the second biggest shot of the game and looked smooth doing it. DJ became Voshon Lenard for one play, and it was awesome. He still probably shouldn't make a habit of it though.

- Paul Carter and Devron Bostick, showing why they belong and taking over in the final half. Bostick became scoring option #2 on the day, playing a career high 21 minutes and putting up 11 points, including the game sealing dunk which shut up the stupid Wisconsin fans for good. It was clear that after Westbrook, he was the guy. Carter made a couple of bad mistakes towards the end, including missing the front of a one-and-one and then dribbling the ball of his leg, giving it back to Wisconsin. He more than made up for it with the most awesome blocked shot in history on Jason Bohannon's layup (and thanks for not just pulling it out and running clock, by the way) and his tenacious rebounding. Carter pulled down a game high 11 rebounds as the Gophers damn near outrebounded Bucky, which is a pretty big deal by itself. The fact that Tubby never pulled him speaks volumes about the confidence he has in Carter, and I for one, agree.

- Let's not forget this win happened without much of a contribution from Al Nolen, other than in the early minutes. He finished with 7 points and 5 steals, and certainly got the team out to the big first half lead (which was quickly erased) but was almost non-existent in the second half due to foul trouble, and was gone before the overtime. Nolen showed once again that he is nearly unguardable when he drives, but the Badgers didn't give him any passing lanes to dish and he foreced up a huge variety of horrible "layups" that only Lawrence Westbrook could have made. It's the first time this year I've been horrified by Nolen, and the fact that they won anyway is a beautiful thing.

- I still can't believe they won in the Madison. I can't believe I was there. I can't believe I got a free SoCo shirt from the SoCo girls. I can't believe how subdued everyone was at the bars. I can't believe the Badger fan we went to the game with threw up a little bit on the floor of one of those bars. Awesome trip, all the way around.

- I don't think I'll have a chance to write a full-on preview of the Gophers vs. those nerds from Northwestern. If I get a chance I will, but make no mistake this is a perfect set-up for a let down game. I'd like to think it won't happen with Tubby as the coach, but these kind of things happen to some of the best teams. The Gophers have them on talent and coaching, and should win this game by at least ten, but after a big win on the road, as well as Northwestern's near miss against Purdue which will have them pissed off, I think they throw everything they have at the Gophers. Despite another career day for Shamala, a sluggish game coupled with the Wildcats getting hot down the stretch results in the cancellation of the biggest Gopher win in at least ten years: Northwestern 58, Minnesota 52. Prove me wrong kids, beat the nerds.

Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Gopher basketball. Any time you go 2-0 in a Big Ten week it’s a success, and particularly when you win one on the road and have a no-doubter in your home game, in this case with yesterday’s 79-59 win over Penn State. It was very clear the Gophers were the better team, and they took it to the Nittany Lions all day. You could point out that the Gophers were fortunate to get some hot shooting after going 9-9 from three and shooting 63% for the game, but you’d be stupid. Penn State pretty much let Minnesota do whatever they wanted all game, and the high shooting percentages were more a function of getting wide open shots than any kind of luck. The heroes yesterday were definitely Devron Bostick, Paul Carter, and Ralph Sampson.

With Colt Iverson battling foul trouble and seemingly having the Penn State forwards in his head, Sampson stepped in and played nearly the entire second half – or at least until the game was no longer in doubt – and played well. He scored ten and blocked three shots. You can see his confidence growing week by week, and his game is improving along with it. For Carter this was his best game as a Gopher, although I swear I’ve written that at least once before. He scored 14, and showed a lot of skill, between his outside shooting and his ability to get to the rim he is a threat to go off any time. The breakout star of the game was no doubt Devron Bostick, who exploded for a career-high 19 points and finally showed why he was the JuCo player of the year last season. He showed the ability to score, both with is outside shot (2-2 from three) and with a variety of moves to the basket, including a nice little floater. My only complaint that was when he was red-hot in the first half, he never took a heat check. Honest to god he could have chucked one up from forty feet and I think the crowd would have been down with it.

This win moves the Gophers to 3-1 in the Big Ten, and sets up a really nice showdown with the Badgers, also 3-1, on Thursday. Bogart, Dawger, and I will all be in attendance in Madison, hopefully getting the Gophers to 4-1 through sheer force of will.

2. Marquette basketball. The NCAA tournament hasn’t been kind to the Golden Eagles since their incredible trio of guards arrived three years ago, as they’ve been bounced in the first round twice and in the second round once in the last three seasons. This year, however, might be different as Jerel McNeal, Wes Matthews, and Dominic James have the team off to a flying start now in their senior season at 4-0 in the Big East after kicking the crap out of a very good West Virginia team 75-53 on Saturday. The three guards continue to do their thing, combining for just shy of 50 points per game with Matthews fourth in the Big East at 18.9, McNeal sixth at 18.6, and James fourth in the conference in assists at 5.2 per game. The difference maker, however, might be 6-6 junior forward Lazar Hayward, who has taken his game to another level this season. The three guards have never had much help inside, but Hayward’s 16 points and 8.5 rebounds per game have changed that this season, and the Golden Eagles have another dimension to their team that makes them very dangerous this year.

3. Michigan State basketball. It seems like I put Michigan State here every week, but when you’re as consistently awesome as the Spartans that’ll happen. A pretty good week here once again for MSU, beating Ohio State 67-58 on Tuesday and putting Kansas in their place by smoking them 75-62 this weekend. Kalin Lucas once again led the way, breaking twenty points in each game. Snacks recently told me he thinks the Spartans are a final four team, and it’s getting more and more difficult to disagree; they’re loaded. I don’t see them losing more than two Big Ten games this year, so they should end up around 26-4 and be in line for a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament, wher they’d probably end up at the Metrodome for the first two rounds. If they manage to get to the Final Four they will have a hell of an advantage, because it’s at Ford Field in Detroit this year.

4. Cal basketball. With Arkansas's loss to Mississippi State over the weekend, more on that later, Cal becomes the most surprising team in basketball. After losing superstar Ryan Anderson and NBA pick DeVon, it looked to be a pretty down year for the Golden Bears. It hasn't turned out that way, however, as Cal is sitting at 15-2 on the year, including 4-0 in the Pac 10 after sweeping the Washington schools on the road over the weekend. That follows up last weekend when they had home games against the Arizona teams and beat them both as well. They are doing it with a very efficient offense, ranking 10th in the country in offensive efficiency. Point guard Jerome Randle is leading the way, averaging 19 points and 5 assists per game while shooting 52%, a huge number for a guard. With non-conference wins over UNLV, DePaul, Utah, and Nevada, the Golden Bears are definitely in a good position for a bid to the Big Dance, despite being picked to finish in the bottom half of the Pac.

5. Clemson & Wake Forest basketball. Both these teams deserve their own entry, but I’m running out of room here so deal. UNC and Duke have pretty much dominated the ACC for years, but this season they have some legit competition at the top. Clemson is currently 16-0, and although that seems to be fairly commonplace with them, this year looks like it might be different and their may be no collapse. Their last two victories are good ones, over Alabama and NC State, and the non-conference wins at Illinois and TCU look like they will be big ones, not to mention the win @ Miami earlier in conference play. Wake is also undefeated at 14-0 following their big win last night over suddenly looking overrated North Carolina, who is 1-2 in their last three. Jeff Teague is looking like a monster, averaging over 20 points per game to go with 4 rebounds, 4 assists, and two steals and has scored over 30 points in their last two wins, both huge ones over UNC and at BYU. With three other double-digit scorers on the team as well, the Deacons are looking loaded.


WHO SUCKED


1. Arkansas basketball. I was all set to type up the Razorbacks as being awesome for a second consecutive week after they followed up last week’s win over #4 Oklahoma with a win over #7 Texas on Tuesday, but then on Saturday they opened SEC play with a 56-70 loss to mediocre Mississippi State at home. Pretty much destroyed all that momentum they built with those two big wins, and must have Arkansas fans scratching their heads. As a team the Razorbacks shot like crap, going just 3-22 from three, and freshman point guard Courtney Fortson proved that you can’t trust a floppy haired point guard with a girls name by putting up the worst game of his career. He shot just 2-13, including 0-5 from beyond the arc, and turned it over 4 times to go with just 4 assists and 3 rebounds – both below his season averages. So what’s up with Arkansas? I don’t know, but two road games (Ole Miss and Florida) this week will go a long way towards telling us.

2. Home favorites in the NFL (other than Pittsburgh). Tennessee, Carolina, and the NY Giants were all home favorites in the playoffs this weekend, and all not only lost but played like total crap. The Titans turned the ball over 3 times and had 3 other fumbles they managed to recover themselves in losing to the Ravens, the Panthers turned it over six times, including a very impressive five interceptions by Jake Delhomme, and the Giants turned it over three times and managed less than 170 passing yards. Just ugly by those three. Although I will say that Arizona looks very, very good all of a sudden. It appears their late season swoon was likely just coasting and resting until the playoffs, not suddenly becoming a bad football team. And Larry Fitzgerald is just sick. I'm pulling for an Arizona Super Bowl, and I don't really care who comes out of the AFC because both teams are boring as hell.

3. Boston College basketball. After pulling off the biggest upset of the year last week by winning at North Carolina, the Eagles rocketing from afterthought all the way to #17 in the country. Well, that won't be lasting very long, thanks to an 0-2 week that included a home loss to Harvard followed up by another home loss to Miami. It's no real secret that Tyrese Rice is the key for BC, and both Harvard and Miami were able to hold him down, leading to the losses. Rice only had 3 points with four minutes to go against Harvard until a late flurry got him to 14, and against Miami he shot 6-18, including 3-12 from three. I don't know if this means they are bad, but they are certainly a tough team to figure out.

4. College Football. I know, I know, everyone thinks so but I have to say it again, college football’s national championship is so meaningless. It just doesn’t make sense to me how they can run the system this way and call Florida the National Champion after beating Oklahoma when Texas, USC, and Utah all have just as legitimate of a claim to being the best team. I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time here, since if you want to read someone crying over this you can pretty much just hit any sports site on the web, but it’s pretty freaking stupid. If you know someone who tries to defend this crap by saying “but every game is like a playoff game” you should kick him in the cubes.

5. Gopher hockey. I don’t know much about puck, but I do know that when you play your biggest rival and don’t even put up a fight and get swept 6-3 and 6-1, you sucked pretty hard and should be plenty embarrassed. I have no doubt Mama Dawger will be weighing in with her opinion soon.

Escape!

Despite playing the worst game in Gopher history (including the Monson years) our beloved Gophers managed to escape from the shithole that is Hawkeye arena last night with a 52-49 victory, mainly due to the Hawkeyes sudden inability to hit open shots in the second half. I don't have much time to write, thanks to my stupid job, but here are a few observations I had, other than if that was the first basketball game I had ever watched, I would never watch another one again.

- I believe Al Nolen is morphing/needs to morph further into TJ Ford/Jacque Vaughn. Despite the huge three he hit in the second half, he seems to not only be generally unable to hit an outside shot, but also unwilling at times. He can certainly help the team with his defense and I maintain that he's nearly unguardable when driving to the rim. He seems, at times, to embrace that and at this point I'd be happy with a creating, driving and dishing point guard. We have Hoffarber, Joseph, and Westbrook (ok fine, and Shamala) to hit the threes, so maybe this is the right direction for the team. Funny thing is, I had my phone off because I had to watch the game on a slight tape delay because of stupid Wonderbaby, and when I turned it on after the game I had a text from Snake which said, "Al Nolen needs to turn into Jacque Vaughn." So it's unanimous.

- I don't understand the seeming unwillingness to dump the ball into the paint against the smaller Hawkeyes, particularly after Tate went out with that injury. Sampson looked awkwardly unstoppable, hitting 3 of his 5 shots, and Iverson only ended up with one attempt on the night and only played 11 minutes. My only thought here is maybe Tubby thought they needed a smaller lineup against the tiny Hawkeyes, but I didn't notice any worse defense when the big guys were in there than not. And that doesn't excuse the refusal to get the ball inside. Iowa is one of the most three-pointingest teams in the nation and attempted 23 three pointers last night; the Gophers chucked up 22. Falling in love with the three for the Gophers is not the way to win, and is troubling against a team that small.

- I love Westbrook, truly I do, but at times his "I scored 40 points a game in high school" mentality shows through. Sometimes I think it's a good thing, such as in the second half against Michigan State when nothing was working and somebody needed to try to take over the game; it didn't work, but I understood it and liked it. But at other times it boggles the mind. Last night at one point a loose ball kicked over to the corner where he grabbed, and pretty much shot a turnaround jumper from three point land. I have no idea why he thought that was a good shot - but it wasn't unless you played for Loyola Marymount in the late 80s. I'm not particularly concerned, as I think Tubby has him reigned in pretty good and like I said, sometimes you need a guy like that, but this one was so out there I had to mention it.

- Man or Zone or switching defense, I thought the defensive effort the Gophers gave was absolutely brutal last night. The only difference I saw was that the shots weren't falling in the second half, despite being open (although yes, in the first half they were able to get to the rim more successfully than in the second). One thing that frustrated me was after Anthony Tucker came in Willis Reed style, the defense seemed to focus far too much on him. On consecutive possessions he started to drive and got maybe a half step when a perimeter guy would leave their man to help. Perhaps fundamentally correct, but in both cases the guy they left was Matt Gatens, the leading three point shooter in the big ten who, of course, knocked down both open threes. There was really no need to help that far out on the perimeter when help was available further down in the paint, especially to leave a shooter like the next Chris Kingsbury. The other thing about Gatens I noticed is that he probably needs to get more aggressive if the Hawkeyes are going to have any success. He shoots 54% from three and was 4-5 last night, but I noticed he only shoots if he's very open. He might need to be willing to bring his percentage down a bit and take more chances shooting. He's good enough that if he can get his shot off, he should probably be taking it, even if he doesn't have that extra second to totally set himself.

- A commenter somewhere down below said, "The Gophers don't beat Louisville without Travis Busch" which I thought was laughable. But I'm going to say "The Gophers don't beat Iowa without Travis Busch" which truly hurts my soul to type, but I believe it today. Maybe somebody else steps up by the end of the game and takes the Gophers to the win, but I didn't see any likely candidates out there. Busch hit some big shots, and as much as I'd like to I can't ignore that. Let's just move on.

- Paul Carter made his biggest impact of the season last night, despite playing just nine minutes. He scored five points and three offensive rebounds on the night, and his athleticism will come in handy as the season advances. Bostick looked good as well, playing 15 minutes and picking up six points and a couple of steals. There really is a lot of talent on the team this year, hopefully Tubby can find the right combinations.

- Finally, the biggest highlight of the night was ESPN2 announcer Doug Gottlieb giving a shout out to our friends at From the Barn and complimenting their article on the Minnesota/Iowa rivalry. Very cool. On a related note, my mom recently told me I need to "clean-up" my blog, so I'd say things are moving in the right direction for both of us.

PJ Hill is a Douche (not the Badger running back)

And, more importantly, the Gophers knocked off the #24 ranked Ohio State Buckeyes 68-59, assuring that they won't start the Big Ten 0-2, will probably keep right around their current ranking of 21st, and I will still go to the games this year.

In case you missed it, the aforementioned Hill decided that although his team was getting it's doors blown off this afternoon he'd take it upon himself to trash talk one Mr. Lawrence Westbrook, a guy who I wouldn't fight if I was offered a million dollars and given a gun. He even took the douchiness to a special level usually reserved for guys who put their sunglasses backwards on their heads and wear bluetooth ear pieces everywhere they go by standing next to Westbrook on the free throw line after L-Dub was fouled an about to shoot, woofing at him the whole way until the refs made little P.J. move - Minnesota was up like 8 at this time with under a minute left. He then continued yapping even after Westbrook made the free throws, after the final buzzer sounded (and his team lost), in the handshake line (which almost led to an altercation), and from the entry to his team's tunnel while the Gophers were singing the rouser (along with Will Buford, who Jon Diebler eventually pushed to get him to get down in the tunnel).

I don't have a lot of rules in life - ok, that's not true, I have a ton of rules and most people constantly break them and piss me off - but this one is a biggie: when you aren't very good at basketball, and your career high in points is seven, and you managed all of three on that day, and the guy you want to trash talk scored fifteen and averages over 10 times as many points per game as you, and your team just got worked, you keep your god damned mouth shut you stupid douchebag, or you just look like even more of a jackaas than you already do with your wanna-be a broke ass Troy Hudson dreads. I hope he dies.

Anyway, the game was awesome. With Al Nolen in foul trouble very early, like before we even got to our seats, running the offense for the majority of the first half fell to Devoe Joseph, and he answered the call in a huge way, leading the Gophers to a 34-24 halftime lead with his scoring and, more importantly, some stellar point guard play, including breaking a Buckeye press with the dribble and finding Shamala cutting from the corner with a pretty pass that would have been a monster dunk by pretty much anyone else on the team other than Hoff or Busch. Joseph's numbers actually ended up pretty pedestrian, 7 points on 3-9 shooting, four assists and two turnovers, but unlike it baseball the numbers can't and don't tell the whole story here. If Joseph can't step in like he did, Westbrook would have had to give it a go, and that's not a good look. Absolutely the player of the game in my book.

Although it is very hard to overlook what Damian Johnson did out there today. This statline is just sick: 12 points, 6 rebounds, 4 assists, 4 steals, and 3 blocks with zero turnovers. A completely dominating performance without actually being dominating. What can't this guy do? Well, he can't hit a jumper beyond about fifteen feet, but that's ok. And I think he's starting to realize that himself, so that's even better. PJS over at the Daily Gopher is falling more and more in love with him each game DJ plays, and has even started lobbying for Big Ten Defensive Player of the Year consideration. And you know what? I completely agree.

Overall it was a very enjoyable game, and it was awesome to see a game where the Gophers were much more talented than a Buckeye team. A couple of short thoughts on some other players:

- Ralph Sampson III is probably my second favorite Gopher behind Joseph, and he looked to be on track for a nice offensive game after scoring a couple of early buckets. Tubby pulled his playing time however, opting for a smaller, more athletic lineup and RSIII ended up with just those four points in 17 minutes, but finished tied for second on the Gophers with five boards. Call me crazy, but I know Snake will agree, I think Sampson has the potential to be an absolute star by the end of his stake here.

- The guy who tied Sampson with five boards was Paul Carter, who looked good today and helped the Gophers outrebound the Bucks 35-27, a nice change from the Michigan State game (although let's not compared the two opponents, let's just be happy with this result). I'm not really sure what to make of Carter. At one point today I joked he was Quincy Lewis without the scoring, which is funny because that's all Lewis did. I think Carter can follow in DJ's footsteps eventually. I don't expect him to a major scoring threat at any point, but he could easily develop into something approaching DJ's all around game.

- Travis Busch and Jonathan Williams only played 3 minutes each, none of them in the second half - and the Gophers won. Not a coincidence.

- I think I still believe in Devron Bostick, but I'm starting to wonder if he's nothing more than a more athletic Hoffbauer. Nearly half his shot attempts are from three. Of course, the Hoff is at over 70%, so maybe not quite. (NOTE: Not a rip on Hoff. I love what he gives this team).

- Jon Diebler for the Buckeyes is at over 75%, and that's before today's game where he chucked up 13 shots, 11 of them from beyond the arc. Although "chucked" seems to invoke visions of poor shots, and since he was 5-11, I'll withdraw my adjective.

- Lastly, B.J. Mullens is very, very good. I don't know why he doesn't get more touches, but I'm glad for the Gophers and the rest of the Big Ten. He only took two shots today, but made them both and they were both impressive. The first was a really smooth jump hook from about 12 feet, and with his seven foot frame was pretty much unstoppable. The second was even more impressive, getting it on the block and using a combo shot fake-drop step-duck under to go right around Colt Iverson like he was Felton Spencer for the easy lay-in. The kid is very smooth, and has very good footwork. Once he gets a little more confidence and with it more aggressiveness it's going to be trouble. Although I'm still pretty sure RSIII can take him.






Also P.J. Hill is a douche (not the Badger running back).

Undefeated, Baby

That's right, Gopher hoops is 2-0 after last night's 92-62 victory over whoever Northern State is. Neither game counts, but they all count in my heart and really, isn't that what matters?

Score looks good, boxscore looks good, and I tried to watch, but between a late start on the BigTenNetwork.com feed which was choppy, laggy, and blurry and trying to watch the game as well as watch The Office and other assorted television programs with the misses, not to mention keeping Wonderbabytm occuppied, it was a little difficult. Although I'm usually shy about giving my opinions when I'm not fully informed, I'm going to bravely struggle through anyway, for your entertainment and information.

BACKCOURT:
It's obvious already that this is going to be the strength of the team. Not only are Joseph, Westbrook, and Nolen the best players on this team, they are also the best scorers. Not only can they score, but all three of them can score either from the perimeter or driving to the rim, where they all excel at dishing it off when needed as well. Add that they are the best defenders on the team, except for Damian Johnson, and this is where success will come from. Even Hoffarber is showing a little more drive to the hole ability, albeit against sub-par competition but at least he's trying. I think it's clear that there isn't a single player from a Division III college in Minnesota or South Dakota who can guard any of these guys.

Kevin Payton actually got a few minutes and looks like he's probably a really nice person.

THE WING GUYS:
I wrote last time that neither of the JuCo wing guys, Carter or Bostick, were very impressive against St. Cloud State, and tonight one of them changed my opinion and the other one left me very concerned. Carter was awesome tonight, showing the athleticism and ability that made him the talk of the early practices. He led the Gophers in points (17) and rebounds (7) and added in 2 steals, 2 assists, and a blocked shot and just generally looked like a different player from the Paul Carter who showed up on Monday. I'm going to chalk that first game up to nerves, and hop on board the Carter train.

Bostick is another story. Right now, he's looking more like a Monson recruit than a Tubby recruit. I expect him to get his shit together, because I don't think you win the JuCo Player of the Century or whatever he won by sucking like this, but it is a bit disheartening to see him play like this against to sloppy teams who can't stop Travis Busch. He did grab six boards and showed some good athleticism and defense, so there is definite promise here, but he needs to get his offensive game in better shape.

INSIDE TYPE FOLK:
Other than Carter, the other dude who really made a big leap from the previous game was big ole Ralph Sampson III. He showed a pretty awkward hook shot, but most hook shots look a little awkward so I'm cool with it. He used it twice that I saw so I think he feels pretty comfortable with that move. Once he had the defender way overplaying him to that side and could have/should have done a drop step the other way and would have had an easy dunk, but he's young and that kind of footwork and game will come in time, I'm not expecting the Dreamshake right out of the box - we'll leave that for Busch. Overall he was more active and aggressive, and ended up with twelve points in fourteen minutes, not bad considering he was under the weather.

I never really noticed Iverson. He only played 15 minutes, and as I said I wasn't exactly watching really closely so I only saw him in for one stretch when he copied Sampson's awkward jump hook which missed. He ended up with six points and shot four free throws, so I'm going to take that as a sign of being more assertive on offense. I have a lot of confidence that these guys will develop just fine and form some sort of Twin Towers kind of thing and not become the next Kyle Sanden and Kevin Loge tandem. (side note: Grandslam, who used to write the golf posts here, now works with Kyle Sanden. I haven't figured out how to work this into a bit yet, but rest assured, I will.)

In conclusion, this has nothing to do with anything, but watch it anyway:

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Well. That was kind of unattractive.

I just got back from the first Gopher game of the season, unofficial it may be, and I have to say I am very much not turned on right now. The Gophers managed to win by somewhere around ten or so, I don't really know for sure and I'm not really in the mood to get all uppity and "look stuff up" so this is what you're going to get.

Before I get started, I have a fun little story to tell you about Dawger. We (myself, Snacks, and Old Man W) were going to meet at Sgt. Preston's before the game, and then meet Dawger somewheres around the arena. We get there, and I get a call from the little guy and he can't park because he has no money. It seems Super Sioux Fan spent all their money on hockey sticks, assault rifles, and KKK gear, and the poor guy didn't even have enough money to pay for parking tonight. I had to run around half the arena to find him parked on the side of the road sobbing, and gave him the ten bucks to park. It was sad. Nearly as sad as the Gopher performance tonight, so without further ado we will get to it. I'm going to do this in sections.

BACKCOURT:
Might as well start with positive since these guys were awesome. Al Nolen, Lawrence Westbrook, Devoe Joseph, and Blake Hoffbauer were the four best players for the Gophers tonight.

Nolen was undoubtedly the best player on the court. He impressed me last season, and looks like he's taking an even bigger step forward this season. He could pretty much get to the rim at any point tonight, granted against inferior competition, but he looked extra quick. Still doesn't always make the best decisions, but with his quickness, defense, and jump shot he is without question a Big Ten-caliber point guard.

Westbrook looks like his confidence is through the roof this season, as it should be. You don't score 40 points a game in high school without a massively high level of confidence, and after this first game it looks like L-Dub might be approaching that area again. A whole lot of catch and shoot, getting to the rim at will, and lockdown defense. I expect big things from Westbrook this season.

Hoffarber was probably the most impressive player tonight. With the risk of sounding a bit foo-foo, he looks like he's lost a little baby fat and put on some muscle. He abused the SCSU guards tonight, using his intelligence and limited quickness to get to into the paint and find cutters when the help defense came. His lightning quick release may have gotten even quicker, and the moved back three point line didn't seem to bother him. He will never be an alpha dog, but he may be developing into a high quality asset, despite my year long belief against that possibility all last season. I must be drunk on early season euphoria right now.

Devoe apparently made some Rico-like decisions early in the game, or so I was told by Snacks since I was ten minutes late thanks to the Dawger welfare program, but the second half was a different story. I didn't really see the perimeter shot I was looking for, but he looked very good driving the ball to the rim. Again, it was against short white guys whose recruiting consisted of calling the head coach and begging for a chance to try out, but he looked good. Most impressive was his defense, smothering and reminiscent of Al Nolen. Currently my favorite Gopher.

THE WING GUYS:
I'm talking Devron Bostick and Paul Carter here, and this was pretty ugly. For all the praise Bostick got coming out of JucCo and Carter has gotten since coming to Minnesota, I couldn't be less impressed. I guess the one good thing is I found out Paul Carter is left-handed, which means he's 17% better than a right handed version of himself. He seems to be athletic enough to create his own shot when he wants to, he just needs to make it every so often. That's high praise compared to what I saw out of Bostick. Not even I am cynical enough to give up on him this early, but dude, he was pretty much nonexistent against SCSU. Grade = F.

INSIDE TYPE FOLK:
What does it say when Travis Busch is your most aggressive inside player? Again, it's early, so I'm certainly not condemning Iverson or Sampson to a life of sucking, but they looked extremely tentative tonight. They seemed to alternate between not even trying to get position and getting position, getting the ball and passing it right back out. I think Iverson looked a little better, had better footwork and seemed to have more of an idea of what he was doing with the ball, while Sampson looked a little more lost. I have faith that both will end up being excellent players, and hopefully tonight was just that first step, small as it may have been. And I bet Travis Busch would be a hell of an intramural player. I think we'll see him on the And 1 tour someday. Think about it, the Professor to Hair Pie? Genius!

So there you go. Right now, My pick of fifth in the Big Ten this year feels a bit optimistic, but then again, I'm a pretty optimistic guy. Homerish, even, so I'm going to go with it. I won't mention how I was really underwhelmed by the new guys tonight.

Last thing is that tonight was awesome because I got one of those shirts that the cheerleaders throw out. The probably gay male cheerleader tried to throw it to Dawg, probably because he's a cute wrestler type, but Dawg has stubby T-Rex arms so I was able to simply reach in front and take it away from him like I was Jimmy Hitchcock. It made me feel very good about myself.

Also, they really need to turn the heat down in the Barn.

Also also, I'm a little bit drunk so I hope this post makes sense. A little.

[EDIT: I just realized I forgot to talk about Jonathan Williams. He's really bad. The End.]