Thursday, February 11, 2010

Swamp Donkey!

 I'm sitting here watching this stupid game, and I wasn't going to type anything up but I'm watching and my blood is boiling and I just can't take it.  Why can't they figure out Michigan's man-to-man?  Why are we still seeing the "line changes" at this point in the season?  Why won't Tubby shorten the rotation when it's clear Iverson can't guard Sims and Bostick, as much as it pains me, doesn't belong out on the floor?  Why does this team constantly refuse to get back on defense?  Why is Ralph so accurate with the lob pass from the high to the low post?  Anyway, we're at the 7 minute mark of the first half and the Gophers are down 19-15 and I'm ready to kill.  It also doesn't help that Snacks is in Vegas and I'm not.  I'd much rather start drinking at 9am and then gamble for 12 hours then go to work.  I hate that guy.

5:51 -  You really can't leave the Hoff open.  This guy is ridiculous.  He's like the white Larry Bird, only if Bird was more like Craig Hodges.

5:16 -  Possibly the best quote ever by Bob Knight "Westbrook gets a little anxious to dribble the ball."  Awesome.

5:16 - Please note:  Blake was a Ginger as a kid.

5:01 - Airball by Stu Douglass on a wide open shot.  And I mean wide-open.  This team really can't shoot.  If the Gophers lose here they should be beyond embarrassed.  Even worse than Northwestern losing to Iowa.  Seriously.

4:22 - Manny almost passes too much.  There was a turnover on a pass to Sims who couldn't handle it.  Although the more I see Harris, the more I'm not sure of him as a pro.  I can watch Werewolf Turner and see how he's going to be a good NBA player, but I don't see it as much in Harris.  He might be, but I bet it will take him a lot longer than Turner.  And Sims is a lock to dominate in Turkey.

2:47 - They are up to 13 Final Fantasys now?  Man, Dawger and I played the shit out of Final Fantasy 7 in college.  Between that, the Star Wars games, NCAA Football, and Hot Shots Golf it's amazing we ever got to class.  Well, maybe one of us didn't, but I still have a degree.  SCREW YOU FOR JUDGING.

1:26 - Picture it:  Breakaway.  1-on-1.  Paul Carter versus Manny Harris, Carter with the ball.  You're picturing disaster (well I was), and yet Carter takes it at him for the lay-in and the foul (and makes the foul shot).  I think it's clear, Carter > Harris.

0:00 -  Good foul Rodney. 

19:25 -  So Devoe can't shoot now?  Awesome trend.  By the way, I'm watching this on Tivo and am fairly drunk already, so that's why this is so retarded.  Like you. 

19:00 -  More missed layups.  Sweet Juniper berries this team can't score.  Just terrible. 

18:22 -  Westbrook goes right by some dumb white guy and two passes later it's a wide open three for the Hoff, which he of course makes.  I really wish they could do that every time.  Also, playing defense would be great.  Nice layup, Sims. 

17:50 -  Musberger just described a Sampson turnaround jumper as "uncomfortable."  As much as I'd like to argue, he was right.  Ralphie really not looking comfy tonight.  Must be the uncoordinated whitey on him.  Being from the south and all, I'm sure white dudes make him extra nervous.

16:46 - Johnson beaten off the dribble as badly as I've seen in his four years by Harris.  Luckily some good help defense creates a miss, but wow.

16:38 -  Every time one of these white dudes for Michigan scores it should probably count double.

16:25 -  Eight different Gophers have an assist tonight.  Wow.  Awesome.  I'm super excited about that stat.  Michigan leads 34-31.

15:09 - Joseph misses another three.  Am I crazy or is he just missing like, all the time these days?  I'm telling you, dude is a shooting guard and when he's forced to play point it messes with his mind and screws up his shot.  You know how there are some guys who can't DH because they need to play the field in order to hit?  And it's 100% in their head but it still seems to matter?  That's Joseph when he has to play point guard. 

14:51 -  Due to some switches, Harris ends up with the ball with Cobbs on him.  He ends up passing it away, and then gets it back, and passes it away again.  Dude, you need to recognize things.  I love Cobbsy and all, but no chance in hell can he stop Harris one-on-one.  I'm not exactly sure if I should blame Beilein, Harris, or just "the system" or what, but that was a huge opportunity.  Why am I worried about this team again?  Other than that they're up 3 right now?

13:21 - Westbrook scores on a nice follow off a Ralph miss, then pickes up a really stupid (and also really ticky-tack) foul 80 feet from the basket.  Since it's his third Tubby yanks him, which causes Westbrook to pretty demonstrately show that he doesn't agree with the decision.  I don't care if you love him or hate him, but Westbrook has got to be an absolute handful to try to coach.  Also a handful:  your sister's boobs.

12:40 - Hoff with another three.

11:50 -  Brutal turnover by Joseph, basically just throwing it right to a Michigan defender.  Michigan is now up six, 44-38.  We're running out of time here fellas.  Not really all that cute anymore.  You might want to go ahead and consider stopping with the suckness.  Please?  I'm mostly kidding about the NIT stuff.  Although the opportunity to see Dominique Jones live does put a little hop in my step, I'd still rather watch the Gophers lose by twenty in the first round of the NCAA tournament.  Come on, retards.  Michigan sucks.

11:20 -  Westbrook back in.  Probably had a good cry.  And we just got about the third or fourth offensive foul called against the Gophers, and they were all kind of brutal.  Sort of some anti-home cooking going on here.  I blame Obama.  Can't trust him, you know.  He's an arab.

11:00 - Hoff misses an open three.  Musberger seems shocked, but I figure that seems about right.  When things come crashing down, they always come crashing down in a big way.  Just ask Metallica.  Hoff just missed another one while I was typing.  Ugh.

9:38 -  Some big dumb guy hits a three for Michigan, and we're now at a 9-point Michigan lead.  This is really quite depressing.  I think I'm going to stop typing.

8:57 - Uh oh.  It's looking like Westbrook has switched into "F You" mode.  He passed that one off, but I could tell it caused him physical pain to do it.  Something good better happen, because it's still a nine point game.  And now they are in the bonus.  That can only help Michigan.

8:31 -  Douglass absolutely loses Westbrook for a wide open layup and the foul.  God this is pathetic.  I'm only posting in British slang the rest of the way.

7:49 -  Bloody Hell.

7:33 - Michigan is shooting 69% in the second half.  These bunch of billy-no-mates are getting rather cheeky with the bunch of blighters who make up the Gopher squad.

6:35 - Thus far these pillocks are at least making their free throws, which gives them a hard chance about it.  Michigan still up six, but they are a bunch of charva, so I haven't given up just yet. 

6:16 -  Harris with a monster three.  Might be the kick in the goonies that ends this one.  And then Rodney turns it over and stands there like a true piss-artist.  Just pathetic.  I'm so glad the second unit is in, especially since they just let Sims hit a wide fucking open layup to put Michigan up eleven.  ELEVEN.  It's fucking Michigan at fucking home.  You are playing for your god damned tournament life you fucking morons!  Honest to christ, somebody give me a reason to believe in Tubby.  I can't come up with one.  This whole year has been a god damned nightmare and he's the man at the helm.  I feel like I'm on the Titanic and Billy Zane has already crashed it into a iceberg and I'm stuck in the freezing water and Kate Winslet is too fat to let me sit on the floating door with her so now I have to die.  BOLLOCKS!

5:14 -  Another Michigan layup.  I'm done here.

2:12 -  I'm just popping back in to mention that Michigan just got another layup.  Seriously, these prats are the worst defensive team I've ever seen, and the fact that they have a good reputation defensively is nothing but piffle.

So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yarbles!

Seriously.  Tell me why I shouldn't be anti-Tubby.  Tell me.  I see no reason whatsoever to be on his side at this point.  What is the difference between him and Monson?  Minimal, at this point.  Minimal.  We were promised so much more, and I bought it.  I bought it hook, line, and sinker and I've ignored a lot of things that bothered me because "we got Tubby."  F that.  You can have him back.


Anonymous said...

It's 1:19 am and Harris is still going to his right down the lane and making layups, It's like Fking Groundhogs Day

Anonymous said...

your last paragraph is 100% accurate...sad but true!

Anonymous said...

since 09-10 is all but over...lets move on to what could be for 10-11

Where do I sign?
Where do I sign?

Point Guard - Al Nolen
Shooting Guard - Anthony Tucker - released from Iowa Scholarship
Small Forward - Royce White
Power Forward - Trevor Mbakwe
Center - Ralph Sampson III

Blake Hoffarber
Rondey Williams Jr
Paul Carter
Devoe Joseph
Justin Cobbs
Ryan Hollins
Elliott Eliason

Anonymous said...

3 felons + 1 drop out + 1 kid with a famous father = final four!

Anonymous said...

Can we talk about Nick Punto Day?

Dawg said...

""We haven't really stepped up in big games," Smith said before adding, "That's why you go out and recruit better players. And hopefully, we'll get that in the future."

-- Tubby Smith

There is absolutely no silver lining for yesterday's loss but this year could have been something special. Trevor and Royce were the top 2 recruits in the Big 10 this season. We also lost our starting point guard and best defender.

Tubby had a good game plan going into the year and ass loads of talent but that plan got thrown out the window. He has a team full of Paul Rudd role players when he needs a Vince Vaughn or Brad Pitt to headline this production.

My fantasy land projected starting lineup next year:

PG: Corey Joseph
SG: Blakey
SF: Rodney Williams
PF: Royce White
C: Deebo Mbakwe

rghrbek said...


It's the same team from last year minus some shit. There is no reason why this team is not a tourney team, even before we lost Al Nolen. Nolen is good defensively, but that is it.

This team has quit. It has stopped playing defense.

Tubby has had a terrible season and much of the blame has to fall on him. His players have not improved. He is still going with the 3 guard lineup, even though it's killing us defensively as every team gets off 3 after 3.

His recruits next year are nothing to get excited about and C. Joseph won't come here with all this turmoil.

His half court offense is every bit as bad as Dandy Dan's. It is painful to watch and inexcusable.

Tubby is making big time money. This team should be better and crying about Royce and Trevor not being here is someone grasping at excuses.

Finally, why was Nolen traveling with the team, for all those games if his grades were bad? why not bench him in Nov/Dec and tell him to get his grades up? Instead you know he is flunking and just let him play it out and not focus. Nice job coach.

Anonymous said...

".... drinking at 9am and then gamble for 12 hours then go to work."

You have clearly been reading too much of SSF's blog.

Dawg said...

Before Al Nolen became ineligible, the gophers were on pace to be a tourney team. He lead the big 10 in steals (is still 2nd) and was 3rd in APG. His role in the full court press which lead to the majority of our transition baskets can not be replaced by anybody on the current roster. To discount his importance to the team is blind stupidity.

If your expectations for this team without Trevor, Royce and Nolen were sweet 16 or better then you are delusional.

Dawg said...

WWW- Some guy gave you props on gopherhole for your titanic bit. Just curious, but did you watch Snatch or the original Office before writing that post? What was with the british slang?

WWWWWW said...

Neither. I'm not really sure where that came from. Probably the booze.