Week in Review - 7/12/2010

Crap.  Really, really wanted the Twins to get Cliff Lee, but you can't fault them.  The Rangers have one of, if not the, best and deepest minor league systems and they weren't afraid to open up the wallet, so to speak, to get Cliff Lee.

Justin Smoak has a chance to be a future star (although this is a pretty fantastic post from Baseball Time in Arlington explaining why he won't be), Blake Beavan doesn't make any top 100 lists put is a former first round pick who is putting up excellent minor league numbers, and the two "throw-ins" look alright as well.  Josh Lueke looks like a decent relief prospect with a 2.11 ERA in 32 appearances this year between A and AA (and a rape charge on his record to boot), and Matthew Lawson is putting up solid numbers as a second basemen at AA.


This was an offer that I don't think the Twins could have matched, even if they had tried.  And so it's time to look towards plan B, assuming they aren't giving up on the season although they probably should.  There are other options (Dan Haren, Roy Oswalt, Ben Sheets, Ted Lilly, etc.) which I plan to break down later this week.  Maybe.  No promises.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  John Danks.  On top of the Twins losing out on Cliff Lee, I'm getting a very, very bad feeling about the White Sox, capped off by Danksy tossing a ridiculous two-hitter against the Angels, which was extremely fortunate because Ervin Santana threw a three hitter at the same time but happened to give up a run.  And they just keep winning like that - they're pitching is completely ridiculous.  Hell, Gavin Floyd was another name considered for the Awesome column thanks to his 15 innings pitched and 2 runs allowed this week.  Their pitching is out of this world good right now, and pitching wins championships as everybody knows.  Even with Peavy now down for the year they're going to fine because the clown they called up to take his place looked just fine and dandy on Sunday.  Do you want to know the last time the Sox gave up five runs or more since June 9th (the beginning of their incredible run)  Five.  The Twins in that same time frame?  19.  I'm calling it now, Sox win the division, Twins finish fourth.

2.  Adam Dunn.  Speaking of the White Sox freaking me out with their looking goodness, I am convinced they are going to end up with Adam Dunn.  The same Adam Dunn who is currently destroying pitchers' arms (and souls).  Well, maybe not consistently doing it, but when he is on he just crushes souls.  Such as on Wednesday when he went 3-4 with three home runs, driving in 5 of the team's 7 runs in a one-run victory of San Diego, or on Friday when he went 3-4 with two home runs and 3 RBI.  Of course, he went 1-9 with seven strikeouts in the three other games this week, but who cares?  The Twins are stuck with guys like Cuddyer who will go 1-9 with seven strikeouts in three games and not even bother giving you a single multi-home run game, let alone two.  I love watching this Big Donkey hit, but I'm going to hate watching him tee off on Baker, Blackburn, and Slowey when he's on the Sox.  Seriously, can you even imagine?

3.  Buster Posey.  If we're talking guys who are tearing the cover off the ball, this guy is absolutely on fire, only it's some kind of fire never been seen before.  He had a hit in every game this week, and games where he went 4-4 with 2 homers and 6 RBI, 4-5 with a double and a home run, 2-4 with a HR (twice), and 1-3 with a triple and 2 RBI.  For the week he hit .566 with those 5 home runs and 14 RBI, and is now at .350/.389/.569 with 7 home runs in just 137 at-bats, and has pretty much single-handedly taken the Giants from a team with good pitching to a team with good pitching and one good hitter (ok, fine, three).  I'm still expecting them to fade as the season continues on, but Posey is fun as hell to watch, either way.  Just think how bad it would suck to have him on your fantasy team and sitting on the bench, like a guy I know. 

4.  Travis Wood.  Because the Reds don't already have enough good, young arms, Wood went out and in his third ever professional start threw 8 perfect innings against the Phillies.  He gave up a double in the ninth to break it up, but ending up getting threw 9 with just 1 hit allowed vs. 8 strikeouts.  Of course, Roy Halladay matched him with 9 shutout innings so he didn't get the win, but even so, quite the nice outing.  So now they have Wood, rookie-of-the-year candidate Mike Leake, coming-into-his-own Johnny Cueto, cuban sensation Aroldis Chapman, impressive in his debut Matt Maloney, stud if he can return from injury Edinson Volquez, and killer stuff if he can figure out how to stay healthy Homer Bailey.  And I would trade any single Twins' pitcher for any one of them.

5.  Steve Stricker.  Yes, I know it was the John Deere Classic and I know nobody cares about that, and I know Stricker was the best player in this week's field by far, but the way he demolished that course was pretty incredible.  Every hole was the same:  middle of the fairway - approach to within 10 feet - make putt, on his way to a 60-66-62-70, which probably would have been even more impressive if he hadn't had a six shot lead into Sunday and gone into coast mode, resulting in tournament total of 26 under par and a 2-shot victory over Paul Goydos, who also played incredibly over the weekend, four shots clear of third place Jeff Maggert, but was just out-incredibled by Stricker.  Normally I'd say play like that would make him a favorite for the next major, but this time the next major is the British Open and all the normal rules of good golf go right out the window.  I do know who is going to win, by the way.  Well, I have it narrowed to two.  Stay tuned.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Twins.  Forget Cliff Lee, maybe it's time to just become sellers?  Pavano could probably bring back a prospect or two from the other teams that missed out on Cliff Lee.  I'm sure somebody would be willing to take on a year and a half of Cuddyer's contract for a stretch run here.  If they don't think J.J. Hardy is the long-term answer he'd probably be tradeable, along with O-Hud.  Jesse Crain might have a little bit of value.  Jim Thome could help somebody out.  There a ton of options, which they should consider because it's obvious this team completely sucks.  There are only three guys on this team who can hit, and one has a headache, one is apparently so immobile he couldn't even fill in at first base for one game, and the other one couldn't run a 20-yard dash in under 5 seconds, let alone a 40.  None of the starters can pitch, the two most important relievers have below average stuff, and the manager is a moron.  God I hate this team so much. 

2.  LA Clippers.  A lot of teams have been clearing cap room with an eye on this offseason for several years, and with the top 3 prizes all picking the Heat, naturally some teams are going to end up disappointed.  The Bulls made a ton of moves with the sole purpose of clearing space, but at least grabbed Carlos Boozer.  The Knicks were obviously hoping for LeBron, but getting Amar'e Stoudamire softens that blow.  The Hawks were maybe the biggest winner, managing to get Joe Johnson to stay with them (Pierce and Nowitzki were never leaving.)  The Nets whiffed big-time, but have responded by signing quality pieces Anthony Morrow, Johan Petro, and Travis Outlaw and still have $19 million left and are looking like a front-runner for Udonis Haslem - not to mention they picked up Derrick Favors already this offseason.  The Clip show, on the other hand, drafted auto-bust Al-Farouq Aminu and then threw $20 million at Randy freakin' Foye and Ryan Gomes.  And then they signed Brian Cook, too, which I'm sure is what will put them over the top.  Look out Lakers. 

3.  Kevin Millwood.  All Millwood had to do was pitch halfway decent this year, wait for the trade deadline to come around, and get traded to a contender of his choosing thanks to his being a free agent next year and a limited no-trade clause in his contract.  Instead, he's completely sucked, racking up an ERA of 5.77 while losing nearly every game he's pitched.  So then he trots out there on Monday against the Tigers, gets destroyed in his one inning of work for four hits and five runs, gets yanked, and then got placed on the disabled list with a "strained forearm."  Yeah, I'm sure that's it.  It has nothing at all to do with the fact that he hasn't pitched a good game since May.  You know what Millwood is perfect for now?  He'd be perfect as the kind of guy the Twins will trade for.

4.  Brandon League.  The only reason I've even heard of this guy is because I heard on the radio that if the Twins had actually offered both Ramos, Hicks, and one of the starters for Cliff Lee, they might ask for League back to help in the bullpen as well.  Ha ha.  Or maybe the real secret was the Mariners wanted to get of League, because this week he gave up as many runs as outs he recorded (5 to 5), including a game against the Royals on Wednesday where he came in with a 3-2 lead in the 8th, walked David DeJesus and Billy Butler, and then gave up a three-run homer to Alberto Callaspo, and then was yanked.  Actually, come to think of it, he'd pretty much fit in perfectly as a Twin.  

5.  John Wall.  I got most of the first quarter of the Wizards' first summer league game against the Warriors, and I saw Wall turn it over four times (he finished the game with 8), including an easy pass to a wide open dude in the corner which he turned unnecessarily into a no-look pass before whipping into the corner with Nuke LaLoosh-like accuracy.  I also saw him take an open 18-footer from straight on which hit all backboard, and a three-pointer which barely grazed front rim.  Not to mention getting called for a foul on the perimeter trying to check noted offensive star Brian Chase (note:  I have no idea who this is).  It's now clear to me that we are heading for a bust of epic proportions here, the likes of which we haven't seen since Ryan Leaf or Dennis Hopson.  I'm talking like, the kind of bust that Stephen Curry would have been if he had been drafted by a team other than Golden State.    


This was an odd week, with lots of worthy people I couldn't find room for in the Awesome section.  So honorable mentions to:

Spain, Cole Hamels, Roy Halladay, Matt Garza, Michael Beasley/David Kahn, Joey Votto, Roy Halladay, Chris Tillman, Devin Ebanks, Derrick Caracter, Diego Forlan, Huston Street, Bronson Arroyo, Johan Santana, Nick Markakis, Magnum Rolle, Madison Bumgarner, Max Scherzer, A-Rod, Lance Stephenson, Roy Oswalt, Stephen Strasburg, and, of course

BIEBER FEVER!

Fare thee Well, Paul Carter (+ Masters Preview)

In definite bummer news, it came out early this morning from Nadine at the Gopher Hole that Paul Carter is transferring to be closer to his family.  If you remember, his sister is sick with something I don't remember so I'm going to say cancer, and since Carter is close with her he feels he needs to be there for his family.  While most Gopher transfers have simply been players who shouldn't have been recruited to the Big Ten in the first place (Limar Wilson, Engen Nurumbi, Aliou Kane), discipline problems (Brandon Smith), or just unhappy (Antoine Broxsie), this is a transfer that actually is a bummer, although it makes a lot of sense for him.

I was hoping Carter could be next year's Damian Johnson, and his offensive game was progressing nicely outside of the 2.5 missed layups per game.  Not to mention it was always fun to debate who would win a no-rules bar fight between him and Westbrook.  I wish Carter nothing but the best, and hope he has much success wherever he ends up. Whoever is lucky enough to snag him will be getting a good player, a by all accounts great person, and I assume one hell of a bar fighter.  This also ensures the Gophers will have enough scholarships for Maurice Walker, Cory Joseph, and Royce White, should that come to fruition, so if you're looking for a silver lining there you go.

With that said, this weekend is of course the Return of Tiger Open held at Augusta, so I feel the need to give a bit of a preview, top ten style.  If you're itching to talk Twins we'll get their eventually, but it's only been two games so settle down, nerd.  I will say that Delmon looks great, not just because he slimmed down but he seems like he has an idea of what he's doing at the plate.  More on that later this week or maybe next. 

If you're looking to wager on the tournament, your best bets (for the money) are Furyk at 15-1, Dustin Johnson at 33-1, Nick Watney at 45-1, Mike Weir at 50-1, and Zach Johnson at 55-1.  Anyway, here are your top 11, much like I do with NFL odds:


1.  Jim Furyk.  More of a hunch than anything specifically pointing to him as the favorite, but it's not as if it's a total shot in the dark.  Furyk won just a few weeks ago at the Transitions, which, granted, isn't the most high-profile of tournaments but there is still a pretty decent field and it was Furyk's first win since 2007 so he's got momentum.  He followed that up with an 11th at the Arnie Palmer against a very good field, and he's always been pretty good at Augusta with four top tens in his career (T-10 last year) and has only missed the cut here once.  Plus, there's nothing better than watching that sweet, fundamental swing of Furyk's.  That's why they call him "The Big Fundamental."

2.  Lee Westwood.   Nobody hates it more than me when a dirty Euro comes over here and tramps all over our country and steals our women and our green jackets, but Westwood has the look of a player who is ready to finally win his first major.  Also the look of someone with terrible teeth, dumbo ears, and who needs a shower.

3.  Ernie Els.  With the way this jackass is playing he should probably be your favorite to win this week, but he's played as many holes on the weekend at Augusta the last three years as I have (hint:  it's zero).  Prior to those missed cuts, however, Els had five top tens from 2000-2004.  How much of his crappy play the last few years was due to injury and how much was just being bad?  Is he back and awesome or was it all kind of a fluke?  I don't know.  You tell me.

4.  Tiger Woods.  God, I don't know where to slot him.  I'm not worried about him mentally since he's basically a robot programmed soley to golf and have sex with whores, but he hasn't played competitive golf in months, and playing practice rounds isn't the same thing.  I think he's a lot more likely to blow away the field and set a course record than he is to implode and miss the cut.  Plus it would be kind of sweet to watch/listen to all the spazzes who hate him cry.

5.  Ian Poulter.  Poulter is a dingleberry who wears hot pink pants and he missed the cut in his last start, but I can't help but shake the feeling that he's going to be in the mix on Sunday.  He seems to live for the big events, even though as I now look at his career in majors it really isn't all that impressive.  Huh.  This could be one of those "perception isn't reality" kind of things.  I guess we'll find out how stupid I am by Sunday.  Or, god forbid, Friday.

6.  Retief Goosen.  He seems to be popping up on a lot of lists as a favorite, and why not?  He's playing as well as he has in years with five top-10s already this year, and he's an absolute majors horse.  He has four career top-3s at Augusta, and prior to missing the cut last year he had finished top-20 seven consecutive years at the Masters.  He's almost certainly going to be a factor again this year.   

7.  Delmon Young.  Is there anything he can't do?

8.  Nick Watney.  I love this guy.  He's just a solid all-around player with no major holes in his game and who rarely seems intimidated by a strong field, a famous course, or a big tournament.  He's been solid, if unspectacular this year, but has shown in the past that he can get around at Augusta.  In his two career appearances here he's finished 11th and 19th.  I think things are lining up for him to jump up and surprise this weekend.

9.  Charl Schwartzel.  Kind of a sleeper pick, but when he's everybody's big sleeper is he really a sleeper anymore?  Schwartzel has played in four tournaments in the States and has three top 10s (including two WGC events) and has two wins on the European Tour to boot.  His name is retarded, but he can clearly play and he's from South Africa where apparently everyone is good at golf and racism.

10.  Steve Stricker.  He has to be on this list because he's just so damn good and consistent, mostly because he's so good with the putting stick.  Now that Adam Scott died, he's clearly the best golfer without a major victory and he's been in such a zone that he's almost certainly going to get one this year.  Why not now?

11.  Padraig Harrington.  He's so good in majors that you can't possibly discount him, even if he sort of seems like he's been coasting since that incredible run where he won 3 out of 6 majors.  But like I said, you can't discount him.  Like an Ipod on Black Friday.

Week in Review - 2/8/2010

You cretins probably don't realize how difficult it is to run a blog, especially when you do a critically acclaimed and widely recognized Week in Review every Monday with an Awesome and Sucks section.  Like, what am I supposed to do about this Gopher basketball game?

They won a road game on a last-second shot:  Awesome.  But it was against Penn State:  Sucks.  They played well enough to essentially dominate the game:  Awesome.  But a serious of mistakes in the final minutes almost let the game slip away:  Sucks.  Huge shot by Westbrook to win the game:  Awesome.  But it wouldn't have come to that if Westbrook hadn't made maybe the biggest of the mistakes down the stretch:  Sucks.

Seriously, I didn't feel any excitement at all after he hit that shot, it was something closer to relief mixed with exasperation.  About the only good thing about this game was Ralph turning into a monster.  Snake once told me I expected too much out of Ralph too soon, and I think he was right.  I was looking for this monster to emerge too early in his career, but I can see the career arch I had envisioned beginning to take shape.  I'm starting to think two Big Ten Player of the Year awards was a bit too optimistic, but one is practically a given - assuming he stays two more years.

Anyway, I think the best strategy is just to ignore this game.  It really means nothing other than now we have to watch a few more games before we can give up on this team.  I'm still looking forward to a few NIT games.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Gonzaga.  The Zags dropped a WCC game to San Francisco two weeks ago, ending their nine game win streak, but if you thought it was some kind of indication that they weren't awesome you are sadly mistaken my buddy friend.  They started out this week with a complete drubbing of one of this season's pretenders to the WCC crown - Portland (Gopher fan:  *cry*), waxing the Pilots 76-49, and then picked up a nice win on Saturday, beating Memphis at the FedEx Forum (that's in Memphis, genius).  Beating the Tigers isn't quite the same feather in your cap it used to be the last few years, but beating a good team, and a good home team, in their place is always a good indication of a tough team.  I don't love Matt Bouldin (GrandSlam's favorite player, FYI) but he can light it up when he needs to.  Stephen Gray is the next Jeremy Pargo, Elias Harris is the next Austin Daye, and Robert Sacre is the most athletic center I can remember Gonzaga having.  I don't think they're a final four threat, but they're closer to that than some of the versions we've seen of the Bulldogs before who were just ripe for a first round upset. 

2.  UNLV.  Right now the Mountain West has probably two guaranteed bids - BYU and New Mexico - and there is probably room for one other team, either UNLV or San Diego State.  The Rebels just took a huge stride towards grabbing that bid, blowing out BYU in Las Vegas in a game that was much less close than the 88-74 score would indicate.  UNLV jumped out to a 15-2 lead to start the game and led 47-18 at one point before letting the foot off the gas.  Former Memphis transfer Tre'Von Willis led the way with 33 points, 8 assists, and five rebounds, following up his 15-8-8 effort earlier in the week against Wyoming.  The Rebels already have wins over Louisville, Arizona, and Nevada in the non-conference season and have already beaten New Mexico and San Diego State to go along with that win over BYU, so assuming there are no major hiccups they are in pretty good shape to grab a bid.  Just don't lose to teams like Air Force or Colorado State or anything. 

3.  New Orleans Saints.  I'm actually pretty bummed about this despite betting on the Saints.  First, because I'm kind of a half-assed Colts fan and it sucks to keep watching the greatest QB of all-time (yeah, I said it) keep losing in the playoffs due to other people's mistakes.  Secondly, the whole "Saints are destined to win to make up for Katrina" crap is mind-blowingly retarded.  Seriously, how stupid are you people?  A Super Bowl is going to make up for eighty-bajillion dollars in damages and a kajillion deaths?  I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure God still owes New Orleans a whole lot.  And then he goes and has Chris Paul get hurt?  Nice guy, your god.  Anyway, congrats to the Saints.  Sean Payton outcoached Jim Caldwell to infinity, Drew Brees executed perfectly, and that onside kick to start the 2nd half might have been the ballsiest call in history.  This was probably the first Super Bowl in history where I didn't hate at least one of the teams, so I'm happy either way.  But I would have been way happier if the Colts won.  Also the Sidler is probably on suicide watch (he's from Indiana).  Yes, again.

4.  Steve Stricker.  I haven't written a word about golf since the season started back in January, mainly because all the tournaments thus far have had less than thrilling player fields, but this week I have to give props to Stricker.  After two good rounds, Stricker was in a tie with Dustin Johnson at ten under heading into the weekend, both three shots clear of the third place golfer.  Rather than sit back, Stricker got after it again on Saturday, posting a five under 66, the second-best round of the day, which staked him to a huge lead going into the final round, a lead that let him simply coast to the championship with a 70.  It was a very impressive and convincing win over a pretty good field that included Phil Mickelson, Paddy Harrington, Hunter Mahan, Luke Donald, Ernie Els, Jim Furyk, and notorious homo Stew Cink, among others.  It seems strange to say Stricker is the #2 golfer in the world, but it's now official - he is.

5.  Bracket Busters.  The matchups for Bracket Busters were announced this week, and for once they managed not to screw it up.  Of course, as usual there are a ton of matchups and a lot of them include teams like Presbyterian (RPI 318), UT-Martin (RPI 335), and Marist (RPI 337), but the eleven tv matchups are pretty intriguing with 19 of the 22 teams having an RPI under 100.  The highlight is Siena at Butler, with Butler probably ok either way but Siena really needing this win to get an at-large, but there are six other games involving ten other teams that have NCAA At-Large bid ramifications (at-large hopefuls in bold):  Old Dominion at Northern Iowa, William & Mary at Iona, Louisiana Tech at Northeastern, Akron at Virginia Commonwealth, Charleston at George Mason, and Wichita State at Utah State - although both W&M and GMU lost this week, probably ending their chances.  In year's past there was usually one, maybe two games worth watching, but this year there are at least seven.  The only thing really missing is a couple of Ivy League squads in Cornell and Harvard, but I guess the nerds have to nerd it up in their precious library and can't come out and play.  Way to go, Poindexter!  Enjoy your English Lit degree when you're serving my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing trip.
 


WHO SUCKED

1.  Michigan.  If it's frustrating to be a Gopher fan this basketball season, and it most certainly is, try to imagine being a Michigan fan.  Picked by most analysts to be a NCAA Tournament team and in the top five or so in the conference this season has been a huge struggle.  A tough schedule and some poor play led to the Wolverines coming into conference play with a 6-5 record, but with a very good RPI and SOS they had a pretty good chance at a bid if they just played well against conference teams.  However they dropped the opener to Indiana and have been faltering ever since.  I win over UCONN two weeks ago could have been a rallying point for a late season push, but since then Michigan has gone 2-5, culminating this week in a blowout loss at Northwestern and then a blowout at home against Wisconsin, dropping them to 4-7 in the Big Ten and 11-12 overall, aka not even eligible for the NIT.  This is what happens when a coach (Beilien) tries to force the players on his team to play in his stupid everybody bomb three-pointers at all times system when those players can't shoot.  It's like a team of Paul Carters out there just bombing away.

2.  LSU.  Maybe it isn't exactly fair to call out LSU this week since they did play Tennessee and Kentucky, but they had them both at home, lost both, were completely embarrassed by Kentucky (lost 81-55), and it has become impossible to ignore the fact that the Tigers are now sitting at 0-9 in SEC play.  Ouch.  They were just in the Final four in 2006, and made the tournament last year and stretched eventual champ UNC into a damn good game.  What happened?  They still have Tasmin Mitchell, who is one of the best overall players in the NCAA, but everybody else is gone from last year, and the new guys all suck.  Bo Spencer, a three-point specialist last year who shot 40% behind the line, has been unable to move into a more prominent role and is shooting just 28% from three this year.  It's just depressing.  I like my LSU teams to be hyper-athletic and capable of beating anybody at any time.  Not on nine-game losing streaks with a win over Rice as their best of the year.  And did I mention that Kentucky was winning 42-14 at half on Saturday?  Yuck. 

3.  LaSalle.  If you ever want proof that I'm an idiot, you can ring up my preseason LaSalle prediction as your latest in a long, long, line of evidence.  I was blinded in the preseason by a returning super-stud scoring machine (Rodney Green) and a super fancy brand new freshman center (Aaric Murray) and picked them to finish second in the A-10.  Well it turns out they suck, and this week eliminates any doubt.  They had two home games - the first a nice chance to pick off a top team with Rhode Island coming in, the second a simple win over St. Louis - and obviously they lost them both or I wouldn't be here typing this right now.  LaSalle is now 3-6 in the conference, tied for 8th with crap factory Duquesne, and is at 11-12 overall.  Like Michigan, they are now not even eligible to make the NIT since they are under .500.  Sounds like a killer CBI match-up.  Between this and my pimping of Cincinnati it's pretty clear my eye for talent is worse than someone who thought Troy Williamson would be a super star (bogart).  Ohio State better come through for me.

4.  Cincinnati.  Oh yeah, Cincinnati.  The team I pimped as a final four sleeper this year.  Whoops.  They might still make the tournament and all, currently sitting at 5-6 in the Big East with a couple of really good non-conference wins already on the resume, but you can go ahead and forget about them making any kind of run barring Lance Stephenson turning into Carmelo Anthony in the next month.  This week was a pretty good barometer of what type of team we have here.  Good teams beat bad teams on the road and beat other good teams at home.  This week the Bearcats played Notre Dame on the road and Syracuse at home - they went 0-2 and neither game was even close, which tells me this isn't any kind of special team whatsoever, just another lame-o team like so many out there.  Deonta Vaughn has taken about twenty steps backwards, Stephenson has been just ok, Ibrahima Thomas hasn't made much of an impact, and everybody else here is just meh.  I'm so disappointed. 

5.  Reggie Wayne.  If you're looking for a goat for the game, don't bother with Peyton or Caldwell, look to Wayne.  Targeted eleven times he came up with just five catches for 46 yards.  He let a perfect pass go right through his hands at the end of the game which would have been a touchdown (also we could maybe look hard at Pierre Garcon here if we're talking dropping passes).  Most importantly, he slipped on the big Peyton INT that Porter returned for a TD.  If he doesn't slip, that's either a catch or, at worst, an incompletion.  Instead, he slips and can't get back for the ball, and you know the rest.  Yeah.  It's not Manning this time, it's Wayne.  And with Garcon and Collie on board and Gonzalez coming back from injury, it's probably time to trade him while his value is high.  Maybe to like, the Vikings or something.  I don't know, just brain storming here.

Seriously though, I am happy for the Saints.  They're almost impossible to hate, other than the whole "team of destiny" crap and the fact that Reggie Bush is a big piece of crap yet Bogart loves him.  Seriously, he totaled 25 rushing yards and 38 receiving yards in the game.  You know what's even worse?  He covered the OVER with both of those.  Seriously.  Dude sucks.  He's the next Dave Meggett. But he does have Kim Kardashian, so who am I to argue?

And if you aren't excited now, you should start getting excited because it's RIVALRY WEEK on ESPN!  Woo!  What does that mean?  Well, like every other year, it pretty much just means North Carolina and Duke play this week, and then they pretend that a bunch of non-rivalries are rivalries so they can call it a "week."  Whoopy.

All-Star Tuesday Talkings (British Open Preview)

Yep, it's all star Tuesday so I'm writing, but I don't plan to write a single thing about the All-Star game because it's just so stupid. Let me get this straight, this game counts for something pretty important now, but the starters are still voted in by idiotic fans? And they take rosters of 33 freaking players on each team, and managers are bound by some stupid unwritten rule to try to play everybody? And you can't let any pitcher go more than one or two innings because if Roy Halladay hurts his arm in his third inning of work somehow every one will be mad at you even though he routinely goes nine innings every fifth day? It's like the collective league is Regina George and the manager is Gretchen Weiners.

I just don't get how something so far removed from real baseball can give such an advantage to a team in the quest to win the World Series. Seriously, if this rule was in place in '87 and '91 and the NL won the all-star game, we'd be sitting wondering if the Twins will ever win a World Series. I mean, I'm not exactly a huge fan of the random element they used to have but it's better than this - and better than giving home field advantage to the league that has a better record in interleague play, which I've also heard bandied about. That's also idiotic.

It's really simple. Home field advantage goes to the team with the better regular season record. That's how all the other leagues do it. Why? Because it makes a lot more sense to reward a team for a great 162-game season than it does to reward a team whose league won a stupid exhibition. And if you insist on keeping that dumb rule, then Gretchen Weiners has to stick up to Regina like that time she wore sweat pants to the lunch table. Throw Halladay three innings. Then throw Greinke three. Then go through the closers and end with Rivera. Bam, game. But they won't. It'll be one inning, one inning, one inning, and eventually either Tim Wakefield or Andrew Bailey will be in and it'll be tee-off time for the NL. Stupid.

What makes it even worse is that I actually get a little bit pumped up when they do all the fanfare before the game. They always give it a nice historical perspective, whether it's tonight's little St. Louis baseball mini-history or like the year they brought out Ted Williams and Willie Mays, it's a very nice touch and I enjoy it. Then the game starts and it's a big joke. Let's just move on to something else.

- I'm mainly writing tonight to give my half-assed British Open preview, much like my half-assed Masters and US Open previews, which didn't quite get the winners right. All that really means is that I am due. In the same tradition, I will give you my top ten (after Tiger) picks to win.

1. Steve Stricker. It's weird to pick a noted non-closer to win an event like the British, but it all seems to be in place for Stricker. Two wins in his last four events, including a win last week, and recent success at the Open, finishing 8th and 7th the last two years. No reason he shouldn't be right there at the end.

2. Ian Poulter. It's almost a certainty that Ian Poulter will be winning a major at some point, probably while wearing pink pants, and it makes a lot of sense that it could be this one. Poulter is a very solid Open player, topping off with a second place finish last year at Royal Birkdale, has been very solid in the other majors (31st, 20th, and 18th) and is having a good year.

3. Lee Westwood. Westwood isn't super, duper great at the Open, but he does have two top tens in his career and has made the cut the last three years, so he's not horrible either. He's familiar with links style golf, being a communist and all, and is getting hot at the right time, with a tie for 8th last week in the Scottish Open coming on the heels of a runner-up finish in the French Open.

4. Hunter Mahan. This guy is quietly playing some of the best golf of anybody right now, but at the same time is a bit under the radar since he hasn't actually picked up a victory. He has top 10s in his last three starts, has made the cut in every event he has played this season, and has top tens in both of this year's majors. He did miss the cut last year at the Open, which gives me slight pause, but last year was a rough one for him, and not only has he found his game again but two years ago when he was playing well he pulled a sixth place finish at Carnoustie.

5. Sergio Garcia. Usually this sexy son of a bitch would be my #1 pick after Tiger, but a slow and disappointing year so far has really left me scratching my head. Still, the spaniard is a wizard when it comes to the British Open, with six top 10s in his last eight attempts and he does seem to be getting his game figured out, notching a tie for tenth at the US Open and has played better across the pond than here in the States.

6. Henrik Stenson. This guy is another one who it feels like is just waiting to win a major, and could be set up to do it this week. He already won this year at the "fifth major", the Players Championship at Sawgrass, and has been in contention at pretty much every major recently, with three top tens in the last four majors. He's a cool customer, since like most Swedes he has no soul, so if he's in contention coming down the stretch he isn't likely to Van de Velde it up.

7. Rory McIlroy. It's weird to pick a kid this young to be a top contender at the Open, but he's just tough. This year his four toughest events have resulted in a Quarterfinal finish at the Match Play, a 20th place finish at both the WGC-CA and the Masters, and a tie for tenth at the US Open - clearly he's not intimidated. Add in the fact that he is ripping it up on the European Tour (fifth in the Race to Dubai), and it wouldn't surprise me to see him right in the thick of it on Sunday.

8. Jim Furyk. Boring? Predictable? How about we go with steady instead. Top 11 in five of his last six tournaments, made the cut in fourteen of his last fifteen majors, and two top fives in his last three Opens, with a tie for twelfth in the third. He did miss five straight cuts at the British from 2001-2005, which shows me that this kind of golf can swallow him up at times and keeps me from putting him any higher on my list, but I expect him to hang around and at least make a little noise.

9. Paul Casey. I was looking back at my Masters and US Open previews, and I picked this clown first after Tiger and second after Tiger and Furyk, and he rewarded me with a T-20 and a missed cut, but I still can't drop him all the way, especially at the British where he finished seventh last year. He absolutely dominated the Euro Tour early, and still leads the Race to Dubai, but has faded in recent weeks. I expect being back in Europe will rejuvenate him.

10. Justin Leonard. This is a straight up hunch pick, which I can't really justify. He's had success at the British, but his win and his runner-up were both in the 1990s. Since then he's missed the cut as much as he's finished top twenty (three each) and he doesn't come in particularly hot, with two missed cuts in his last three tournaments. But I'm feelin' it!

And that's it. Some notable names are missing. Geoff Ogilvy, Zach Johnson, and Luke Donald are both garbage at the Open. Paddy is the two-time depending champion, but he's missed the cut in four of his last five events, and his game is just not in the right shape here again. I don't think Anthony Kim is ready just yet, and the wunderkind of the early season, Nick Watney, has fallen back to earth. Cink is still gay, and Els and Goosen are too far gone. One sleeper I've seen mentioned somewhere is Martin Kaymer, a commie who comes in hot, having won the last two Euro Tour events. Don't believe it. He doesn't have that kind of game.

- Finally, hold on to your butts people, the Sci Fi channel is having the marathon of all marathons on Saturday, July 25th, and I can't wait. Unfortunately, the Egyptian is getting married that day and I am an usher, so I can't exactly watch live, but the Tivo will be a crankin'. Check out the schedule:

8am - Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep
10am - Croc
Noon - Super Gator
2pm - Lake Placid 2
4pm - Spring Break Shark Attack (third best shark movie ever)
6pm - Deep Blue Sea
8pm - Malibu Shark Attack (World Premiere!)
10pm - Eye of the Beast (Dawson in a Squid movie)

I'm tivo'ing everything on that list except for Lake Placid 2 and Deep Blue Sea, which are super lame. Expect an influx of Live Movie Blogs in the coming weeks, as long as I can get Mrs. W to watch a few of these.

Also, Sci Fi renamed itself SyFy for some unfathomable reason. Can anyone explain this one? Cutesy for the sake of cutesy? I really hope somebody gets fired for this. This is even worse than the time Itchy ripped out Scratchy's spine and played it like a xylophone, but got two different notes from hitting the same rib.

That's it for now. I would expect to see a more indepth preview from Faldo tomorrow some time, and if we're really lucky maybe Super Sioux Fan will send in a new post.

I'm All a Rage (Movie Live Blog)

Raging over Raging Sharks that is, the latest piece I picked up off of Tivo in my quest to find a fourth shark movie that doesn't suck (Jaws, Jaws 2, and Spring Break Shark Attack are the other three). I don't have high hopes because it's damn near impossible to find a good shark movie, and yet, here I am once again, drinking and watching shark movies. Is this heaven?

- I'm more than a bit confused here, because we are starting this movie in space. Yes, space. There is a space ship that looks suspiciously like the Tantive IV (the one Leia is on at the beginning of Star Wars) that appears to be docking with some other space ship/space station. And I just saw some aliens. Since I haven't seen any titles yet, I'm going to assume Sci Fi lied to me and this is actually some other movie, since I can't imagine any way possible starting a shark movie in space can end well.

- The two outer space things crash, sending a piece of one of them careening off into the depths of space. Somehow I bet whatever it is ends up on earth and does something to sharks (makes them rage, perhaps) and makes me want to track down and kill whoever wrote this garbage.

- We have confirmation - this is actually Raging Sharks, and it did, indeed, start in outer space. I had no fair warning. Here's the plot summary: "White Sharks terrorize underwater researches and a group of divers in the Pacific Ocean." Nothing in there about outer space sharks or whatever. You should probably warn people about that kind of thing.

- Incidentally, this movie stars three people I have heard of, Corin Nemec - although I don't know why I know his name, Corbin Bernsen - Roger Dorn of Major League fame, and Vanessa Angel - who played that superfly honey from Kingpin. You remember her:


- I just looked her up, and it seems Ms. Angel also starred with Sawyer from Lost in something called Sabretooth, which is about a scientist who recreates a Sabretooth Tiger from old DNA, which then escapes and starts killing people. A rip-off of Jurassic Park? Yes. And yet, here I am, searching the TV Guide to see if it's on any time soon.

- Whatever it is that fell into the ocean has drawn a bunch of sharks to hang out around some underwater research base on the ocean floor. I have a feeling these sharks may start raging soon, and cause a problem. And, shocker of shockers, there is a storm a-brewing so the workers are now trapped in the base and can't get to the surface.

- Note: Vanessa Angel had a lot of work done on her face, and now exhibits the facial range of R2-D2. That's two Star Wars references, damn. I will say this though, Angel and Nemec guy have some actual acting chops. That already puts this movie light years ahead of Megalodon, the actors of which I'm fairly certain were plucked right off the street - and not the streets of Hollywood, the streets of like, Fort Worth.

- By the way, Clint Hurdle got canned. That should make our very own Rockies Guy pretty happy. Maybe Helton will be traded next.

- There's a couple of jackasses who swam out to fix something. I feel like we're going to finally get some shark action. Yep, two dead divers. And guess what? You're not going to believe this, but the shark roared. Again. The shark roared again. I think that makes four shark movies I've live blogged on here now, and in every single god damn one the idiots make the shark roar. It doesn't make any sense. Watch Jaws, that's pretty suspenseful and scary, and they didn't have to add any fake noises to their already terrifying apex predator. That would be like writing a movie where a Lion was killing people, but changing the roar so that instead before it strikes the Lion just yells, "HEY MOTHA FUCKA!!!"

- Now the shark bit some electrical cable for some unknown reason - whilst roaring of course. Actually I think there's two sharks. Both raging. and both roaring. And that electrical cable was their communication cable, so now they are CUT OFF FROM THE OUTSIDE. Bad deal, Kingpin lady.

- Ok I looked it up and the reason I know this Corin Nemec dude is because he was Parker Lewis on that old TV Show "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" which was basically Ferris Bueller's Day Off but on television and was an ok show. Anyway, he's some science guy and Kingpin lady is his wife, only she's trapped on the underwater base and he's somehow on the mainland but I don't know how because I wasn't paying attention.

- Holy effin' crap, Roger Dorn is playing a submarine captain. That's pretty damn hilarious. Also the sub he's captaining is a military sub, and apparently they are sending it down to the undersea base to deal with the shark attack. I wasn't aware they called the military in for that now.

- Dorn's orders to his sub pilot or driver or whatever: "Maximum Depth, Maximum Angle." That's what she said.

- I just looked up the guy who wrote this, and you'll never guess what else he wrote? Sharks in Venice. For realsies. If you remember that one, it was ambitious but horrible. Considering this one started in outer space, I'm guessing it will be more of the same. But Shark movies don't have to be complex. Jaws and Jaws 2 were about a shark that was simply attacking people near a resort beach because it had found fertile feeding ground. Spring Break Shark Attack was about tiger sharks that had been pulled too close to a beach by a new, artificial reef that was put in and all the prey fish that came with it. Simple. Realistic-ish. No roaring. Jaws didn't even bother with tossing in a hot chick and it's still a top 10 movie of all-time. Just keep it simple. Sharks are naturally awesome, you don't have to get cute and full of plot twists.

- Oh, and Spring Break Shark Attack's main female star was Shannon Lucio from the O.C. I like her:


- Man, these sharks sure are raging. Another diver down.

- Kingpin lady and some hot blonde with pigtails have figured out that the Great Whites are hunting in a school, and then discuss how that is not normal for Great Whites. An actual true fact. I don't want to go through all the other shark movie live blogs, but I'm almost positive that's the first scientifically sound plot point in any of them.

- And right on cue some dopey scientist type comes in and says, "Those orange particles we found? There's nothing like them on Earth." So basically this orange substance takes solitary loner creatures and makes them more social. I think Bear could use a little of this.

- Now the raging school of sharks just attacked a float plane (+ diver) when it landed on the water. Just like in Jaws 2. Man, the originality in this one so far is stunning - outside of the genius use of outer space substances and aliens, of course.

- This is awesome. Now, instead of waiting for help, the Kingpin lady is yelling at her poor foreign mechanic guy that he needs to go outside the undersea lab and fix whatever it is that is wrong with it. He's like, "there are sharks out there and I have three kids" and she's all like, "You're a coward." So basically there have been four people in the water in this movie and all four have been killed by the raging, mutated school of sharks, but she thinks this father of three is a coward because he doesn't want to play russian roulette with a loaded gun full of sharks. Mixed metaphor aside, she's quite the bitch. This is kind of how I'd imagine Marge Schott ran the Reds.

- Maassive attack on the local beach, at least five surfers dead. Of course, they'd probably be dead anyway because surfing is really damn stupid. I've said it before and I'll say it again - when you surf you look like a seal from below. Sharks love to eat seals. Ergo, if you surf, you will die. This movie proves it.

- Roger Dorn is PISSED at Parker Lewis. Dorn's sub is now surrounded by Raging Sharks^TM, and he's got a mad face on, blaming Parker for "crazy experiments." Also we've just been informed that the sub doesn't have the ability to evacuate an undersea lab. The sub that the navy sent to check out the problems at an undersea lab doesn't have the ability to evacuate an undersea lab. I don't know. I put that as a pretty high priority. If I was sending a sub to check out a problem at an undersea lab, my priority list would go:
1. Doesn't fill up with water or explode upon contact with water.
2. Can evacuate an undersea lab.
3. Full bar.

- Parker Lewis is swimming for some reason that I didn't quite catch because I was in mid-rant. And they are playing some crazy classical music to enhance the drama. It's a solid effort. It kind of sounds like O Fortuna from Cramina Burana (and many, many commercials and movies) but a lot shittier. Anyway, he's out there with some navy escort guy and the sharks spotted them and now there's a lot of roaring and horrible camera work and somehow they both made it. The music led me to believe that they would not. I feel cheated. I'm thirsty for blood.

- Speaking of blood, have you seen the trailers for "Drag Me to Hell?" God that movie looks Effed up. The trailer alone scares me. I can't wait to see, plus I dig that chick (Alison Lohman).


- Ok, so actually the navy escort guy is some kind of marine research cop guy who is there to check and see if this project has been up to safety code and if not shut them down. Hot pig-tailed blonde is unhappy about this development.

- ALARUM!!!! ALARUM!!!!! Somehow the submarine is on fire. Repeat, the submarine is on fire. Apparently somehow or other due to the raging, socially well-adjusted sharks. So that means this sub failed both #1 and #2 on my priority list. I think it's clear that I should be in charge of the Navy. First order of business: Destroy Wisconsin.

- There is now only one hour of oxygen remaining in the undersea lab. The only way to get more is for someone to out in the water and turn the valve on. Kingpin chick, "Well we know it won't be Harvey (the mechanic with three kids who, oddly enough, doesn't want to go in the water with a bunch of killing (and raging) sharks)." His response, "What?" Her response, "We know you're a chicken shit." What the hell is with this chick?

- OMG. Then Parker Lewis (her husband in this) says, "Fine I'll do it" and she says, "No, it's too dangerous." She is either the most evil character ever written, or the most realistic.

- FYI guys, you can get a bigger schwanz if you go to ExtenZe.com. According to the totally believable couple on the commercial, it makes both the dude and the chick happier, and you'll have more sex. Plus, you know, a bigger crank. ($20 says The Todd has already ordered this.)

- I almost don't even notice the roaring anymore. Thanks stupid shark movies, you have now sapped my strength to fight scientific inaccuracy. Damn you to hell.

- Have you read any of this Twilight garbage? It's basically 350 pages of teenage angst, with three pages of Vampire/Werewolf action thrown in. And yet, I just finished the second one and, slowly but surely, I would bet you I read the last two just so I know what happens and what has every female from age 13-65 all a twitter. F my life.

- The little two man submersible Parker Lewis and the marine cop was attacked and ripped to shreds. Cop guy dead, other guy trapped hiding in a reef. Good news is now they want Roger Dorn to fire a torpedo to disperse the sharks so he can get out and turn on the oxygen valve and then get back into the lab. This sounds brilliant.

- FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!

- I think the Torpedo just roared.

- Direct hit on a shark, which vaporized, and I'm assuming it was a nuclear torpedo because the blast radius on that sucker would have taken out Hiroshima - again (and it's probably about time, too. They're getting awful uppity). Shark bits are floating all through the water, but naturally Parker Lewis survived. Because he can't lose, you see. It feels like the end, but the Tivo tells me there are fifty minutes left of this. I'm so tired.

- Oh I see. There were so many raging (and roaring) sharks in the school that a lot of them just ran away from the torpedo and now they're coming back. And Parker found the alien canister full of magic socialization liquid, and now they only have ten minutes left of air. Tensions are high. Repeat, tensions are high.

- Ha ha. Remember that dude who was a mechanic and the father of three who Kingpin chick kept trying to get to go swimming with the fishes? He stole the mini-sub from the lab and drove away to the surface, essentially saving himself and dooming the other people. Of course, they didn't bother to think of the mini-sub (which looks like it would fit all six people left). Geniuses I tells ya.

- Oops, now the mini sub is getting battered by the sharks, and movies never reward cowardly intelligent behavior like stealing a mini-sub and stranding your idiot co-workers, so I have a feeling this guy is toast. WHAT ABOUT HIS CHILDREN!??!!

- Yep, he's dead now. Tis a blimmin' shame. He was a brave lad.

- Scientist "Styles" has run some tests on the unknown goo and determined it to be Hydrogen Isotopes charged with thermal neutrons - stable cold fusion fuel. I'm almost positive these are nothing but buzz words thrown together to sound fancy. Hydrogen isotopes are all over the earth, and you can't really charge anything with neutrons because they don't have a charge. At least they have determined it's from outer space. Of course, there's really no reason it would cause Great White Sharks to shrug off years of genetically programmed solitude and suddenly become aggressive, raging pack hunters, but whatever. I know facts aren't important here.

- Styles just got killed by some guy with a knife to the back. And now Roger Dorn just radioed and said that guy's boss has never heard of him. And now he has a machine gun from somewhere, and says he's black ops (DIA!) and tells them they have stumbled into a restricted area and now they will have to die. This movie was pretty bad already, but this plot point just went ahead and took a gigantic dump all over the small amount of dignity this movie had.

- I'm so confused right now. The "black ops" guy has now been ambushed twiced, once by some guy I don't think I've even seen before and then again by Kingpin chick. He's stalking the living people around the undersea lab trying to get the cold fusion thing back I think. I'm not sure who is alive or dead. I also don't know why everything seems to be on fire. And some scary looking chick who I don't remember even seeing before just drown. This thing just needs to end.

- "Black Ops" guy just got ambushed again, this time by Parker Lewis. Christ, if an elite military guy can't avoid three ambushes in fifteen minutes by civilians, what does our regular military do? It's a wonder we don't have tanks blowing each other up.

- You know what I really hate? When I pick a guy like Steve Stricker in fantasy golf early in the week, but then by the time I finalize my group I end up taking him out and then he jumps out to a big lead and is currently leading after three rounds (ok he's actually tied for second but he was in first earlier today).

- I watched Fanboys last night. The movie about Star Wars fans who try to break into Skywalker Ranch to watch the Phantom Menace early because one of their friends has cancer. Good not great. If you are a gigantic Star Wars dork (see Tantive IV reference earlier) like I am, there are a lot of really good in-jokes and references you'll like. If you aren't, like Mrs. W, you don't really need to watch it. You'll chuckle here and there but you won't really enjoy it like a true Star Wars nerd will - Snake you will like it. Can you tell I'm doing everything I can to not pay attention to this crappy shark movie? Maybe I need to just stop doing this.

- He just got ambushed a fourth time, again by Parker Lewis. This dude is lucky nobody has any idea how to finish the job, since they can apparently get the drop on him at will. He's no Stephen Seagal in Under Siege, I'll tell you that much. Perfect opportunity for an Erika Eleniak reference here, but I feel like I've already put too many pictures in here as it is. Google is your friend.

- Did you know Under Siege is the highest grossing movie ever that was not screened for critics? True Story.

- The killed the black ops guy. He was about to chop off Parker's head with an axe but Kingpin lady shot him in the back with a harpoon. He's dead. And we haven't seen a shark in like twenty minutes, roaring, raging, or otherwise. This is crap.

- The guy and the girl are the only two still alive, and they are trapped in a burning lab with no way out and almost no oxygen left, and are huddled up in a corner talking about their feelings more than the characters in those stupid Twilight books. This movie sure got gay in a hurry.

- Oh christ, the aliens just showed up. Now their stupid space ship is in the ocean, and it just deployed some alien guy who somehow got into the lab to get his cold fusion crap back while church music plays in the background. And the aliens look like Predators but they unfortunately don't kill anyone. Yet.

- The aliens used their "powers" to somehow teleport the two not only out of the lab and into the water, but in full scuba suits as well. And, of course, they get picked up by Dorn and his sub. Seriously? That's how you're going to wrap this up? Seriously?

- After a somewhat interesting middle part this movie sure went to crap in a hurry. Aliens, no sharks in the last half hour, and an inexplicable ending that comes from the school of, "Oh crap, I have no idea how to end this. Let's just do something miraculous and set it to angelic type music and maybe people will buy it because they are so distracted by our awesome sharks." Ugh. I might have to retire from doing this. I swear to you I didn't make any of this up.

- Off to Philadelphia tomorrow. I have no idea if I will have time to check in here or not. I'll let you know.