Sure why not? Kids are gone and the wife and I hit the bar across the street for happy hour since the weather was so crappy, and well, it's 4 hours since then. So yeah. Let's go.
20:00 - Wisconsin couldn't shoot, and Ralph Sampson was super aggressive and assertive on the defensive end. I fully expect these things to continue. Also Andre Hollins is clearly a future star, and I do actually expect that to continue for two more years (because he'll go pro after his junior year, obviously).
20:00 - How long is this god damn half-time? I mean jesus, is this the super bowl?
19:46 - Jordan Taylor misses a wide open, and I mean wide open, three pointer. That seems to be the gophers' most effective defense tonight - just let Wisconsin suck. And the whole state does, amiright? I mean, if you put Wisconsin and Iowa into the Large Hadron Collider you'd just get this massive ball of drunken hick douchenss that you could then launch into outer space with some kind of giant water balloon sling shot, right? What?
18:58 - Gophers going clang clang clang like the little engine that could. The Nick Punto of trains, you know.
17:52 - Wide open three for Berggggrren, who misses (might have been Brewsewitz). It's working!!
17:38 - Announcer guy: "sometimes this Gopher team just doesn't think." Amen, brother man.
17:24 - Saul smith is yelling at someone on the Gopher bench. I assume that isn't good.
16:31 - Rodney Williams seems very upset with officials like, all the time lately. He might as well be a Gopher fan with all the bitching, particularly the dude who sits right next to us who has, almost literally, no idea what a foul is and isn't. And for the record, Williams fouled him with the body, even if the block was clean. Gophers 25, Wisconsin 22.
16:04 - 12-2 run by the Badgers to tie the game up. Never saw this one coming. Might just watch the Walking Dead. Yeah, the writing might be meh and the dialogue might be Lucas-esque and the actors might be woodenish, but you know, zombies and shit.
15:19 - Brusewitz misses an open three. Genius strategy by Tubby. Just let 'em shoot. Just like that dude at the Y who thinks he's all like whoa but really kind of sucks and you just let him shoot all game and he keeps missing and then he makes one and looks at you like "you can't lay off me son cuz I'm gonna hit it every time" and that's when you know you got 'em because he's going to just keep chucking and missing and you don't really have to expend any energy on defense anymore so you can save it for when you have the ball and light some chumps up. I love that guy.
14:20 - Sconnie misses a free throw but gets their own rebound. Lol. Doesn't matter though when Gasser misses an open three point shot. Still 25-25.
13:44 - Joe Coleman goes with the Rick Vaughn impression and throws it through the back of endzone at 99mph, looking for I assume a teammate.
12:53 - Now this play right here illustrates why Rodney Williams can be so frustrating. Gets the ball at the key, sees Berggren or some fat white guy on him so he takes it right past him, uses excellent body control to avoid the charge when Brust (might be Gasser) slides over, and makes the easy lay-up. Incredible quickness and athleticism. Just amazing. But three years in and no jumper? Might be easier to handle if he had the aggressiveness he showed on that play more than once a month.
12:43 - Has Julian Welch played tonight? I watched the pre-game and 1st half on the treadmill with no sound so if they said anything I didn't hear it, but I can't remember seeing him tonight.
11:57 - Andre Hollins goes up for a three and has it tipped and it heads straight out of bounds. Austin Hollins completely sells out and sacrifices his body to attempt to save it (even though it's going to be Gopher ball) and just tips it enough to make sure it's Wisconsin's ball. If I could sum up the season in one play I'm pretty sure that's it.
11:57 - By the way, shout out to Mrs. W who, besides being hot, put together our new treadmill all by herself yesterday. Good woman. Also a great cook. Second best in the house.
11:57 - Technical foul on Tubby, which is actually good to see. Actually turns out Hollins' didn't get his shot tipped, he actually got his arm smacked which caused the airball (and should have been a foul) so my bad to Austy. I shouldn't have doubted a kid whose cousin's dad is an NBA coach.
11:15 - It's now 32-27 Wisconsin. Sweet.
9:05 - This game is kind of putting me to sleep. Now 34-29. Also Josh Gasser is a girl.
8:53 - Ralphy!! Hammer dunk!! Doesn't count because he was fouled on the entry pass, but still. Deezam. Not sure on the spelling on that one. Do like this "getting back into the paint" stuff.
8:52 - Osenieks 1-2 from the line. Isn't he supposed to be a shooter but hits less than 50% from the line? Am I wrong here? I hope so, because that don't make no sense.
8:23 - Brust for 3. Huh. Maybe the whole "let 'em shoot" strategy isn't the best one. And that move by Andre Hollins was just ridiculous. Just went right by Jordan Taylor and then right at one of those fat Sconnie dues and made the lay-up. Hollins is going to be a star. Watching him kind of reminds me of watching LeSean McCoy. That either makes total sense to you or is really stupid. I vote for makes sense.
7:40 - Missed Badger free throw, Badger board, Taylor three-pointer, 41-32 Badgers. Any of you basketball nerds know where to find how often a team gives up an offensive board on a missed free throw? Pretty sure the Gophers lead the nation.
7:11 - Two made throws give Sampson 1,000 career points. I remain underwhelmed.
6:47 - Another made three for the Badgers and I'm pretty sure Andre Ingram just blew his knee out again. Poor dude. Actually he looks less knee-blowout-y now. Hopefully he's ok. Based on the nearly constant transfers out of this program you never know, he could be a starter next year.
6:01 - Oto probably just traveled on a fast break lay-up attempt, which he missed, and then tipped in his own miss. I'm trying to decide if that was pretty or ugly. Since I've had a couple beers let's go with the beer goggles and call it pretty.
5:08 - 44-36 Wisconsin. I wish I could just fast forward. This is the kind of game people make fun of nationally.
4:54 - I honestly have no idea which one is Bruskewitz and which one is Berggren. Also Brust vs. Gasser is a challenge. I can pick out Ryan Evans though, thanks to all that time misspent watching Kid N Play movies in my youth.
3:45 - Either an amazing touch pass by Williams or a fortunate bounce leads to a Sampson dunk. 46-40 Badgers. If this was any other B10 team I'd say they were at least in it.
2:42 - Andre Hollins takes a very aggressive, but not ill-advised, three pointer; Williams grabs the o-board by outjumping everyone, misses the putback, gets back up quicker than anyone else to grab another, gets fouled, and makes both free throws. That is exactly what Gopher fans need to concentrate on for next year. That hole sequence actually looked like a good, confident team. Also, if you're scoring at home, I'm now writing effusive praise for a sequence where the gophers shot 1-3 from the floor. Also they just showed a graphic that the Gophers have 3 assists tonight. Which, I suppose, isn't that bad when you consider I think they have about 8 field goals.
1:21 - Austin Hollins travels for no good reason whatsoever.
0:41 - Announcer guys aren't making much sense with their reasons, but the overall point is sound - the Gophers could really use an actual point guard. I love Andre Hollins, but, well, I don't know. I mean I guess he could be an actual point guard in the scoring point vein, but I think the team would be better if he could just be the scorer. They need a Darren Collison to his Russell Westbrook. Good thing they have both a good point guard on the current roster plus one of a quality pedigree coming in next year. The future is bright!
0:00 - Gophers lose 52-45. Sucks because the Gophers really needed this to land a top NIT seed. And thanks a bunch for not covering Badger asses.
Showing posts with label Ralph Sampson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ralph Sampson. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Week in Review: 2-20-2012
Jesus what a completely pathetic defensive effort. You name it, the Gophers did or didn't do it. They didn't close out on shooters. They got confused on their defensive scheme which led to not switching when they were supposed to and open lay-ups for Northwestern. The continually went under screens instead of over the top and then made no real strong effort to get in a shooters face. They got lost on back cuts. They allowed offensive rebounds like candy, including on missed free throws which should be grounds for a lawsuit in some way I don't know I'm not a lawyer. A five foot nothin' lesbian ball boy was able to get to the rim at will. Just a completely putrid effort. Combine that with an offense that seemed confused in the second half and completely went away from what worked in the first game and the half (can anyone actually tell me why they completely quit going inside when it's the whole reason they won the first game?). Credit Northwestern with playing better defense and knocking down all those wide open shots, but this was a truly terrible game by the Gophers. Now they need to win 2 of the next three (Michigan State, Indiana, @Wisconsin). LOL. Can't wait for baseball!
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Murray State Racers. I've gone on record here as saying I'm not remotely a believer in Murray State, but after they waxed St. Mary's with ease in their Bracket Busters game on Saturday I've definitely seen a bit of a tick in the "I believe" direction on my "Do I believe in Murray State"-inator which I always wear on my wrist. They just completely dominated the game from beginning to end, and St. Mary's is a very good team. They did turn it over 15 times, but overcame that by shooting the lights out and winning by 14. I can't quite throw my support behind them yet as being for real and I'd love to see them play one more good team to get a real sense of how good they are, but sadly they won't play another good team until the tournament. The tournament which, by the way, they are an absolute lock for now no matter what else happens.
2. Other Bracket Buster winners. Besides Murray State some other teams picked up very big wins this weekend. Wichita State moves into lock territory after knocking off Davidson, while VCU (beat Northern Iowa), Drexel (crushed Cleveland State on the road), George Mason (over Lamar), Weber State (over UT-Arlington) and Iona (beat Nevada) all jump up from "probably not" to "we better take a look" status thanks to their wins. Their were some huge wins outside of Bracket Busters as well, and probably none bigger than Kansas State's win over Baylor which is absolutely a monster for their profile. Middle Tennessee State continued to roll through the the Sun Belt (they can afford zero losses prior to the Sun Belt Championship game), while South Florida has now moved to 10-4 in the Big East after an easy win at Pitt. The overall profile is still a bit lacking but you can't ignore them anymore. And finally, although they're not in consideration for an at-large, Loyola Marymount had a huge week, beating St. Mary's and then winning their Bracket Buster match-up against Valpo and that now gives them three wins over RPI Top 50 teams. Which is pretty much their entire resume, so yeah. Oh, and Harvard beat Yale, so that was good too.
3. Oakland A's. When I first saw the news that the A's had signed Yoenis Cespedes, the cuban defecting outfielder and supposed superstar, I was just stunned and was wondering what the hell Billy Beane was doing. I mean, a team that basically just gutted it's entire roster outbidding everyone else to get a Cuban dude who has never faced major league quality pitching? Bizarre. But when I really stopped to think, it actually makes a lot of sense and is a worthwhile gamble. They got him for 4 years/$36 million which is far less than it was originally thought he'd sign for ($50 mill+), and because of their situation they don't need him to come in a play right away and he can take some time in the minors to assimilate himself. The A's suck now, but are primed to be a contender in a couple of years thanks to a farm system Keith Law ranked as the 9th best in baseball (and that was before this signing) with five guys in Law's Top 100 including three pitchers who project as top of the rotation type guys. Add some hitters, like Cespedes, and Oakland becomes a contender. And seriously, would you rather have Cespedes and his potential at $9 million per year, or Cuddyer at $10+? Cespedes is basically a bargain - a gamble, but a bargain.
4. New Mexico. I'm not entirely certain if a team has EVER had as good a week as the Lobos just did. There are two teams considered as "elite" in the MWC - San Diego State and UNLV. New Mexico, due to a couple of shitty early season losses (to New Mex State and Santa Clara) and losses to both those teams, was considered a step below. Well no more, because this week alone the Lobos beat SDSU at their place by 10 and then stomped UNLV at home by 20 to lock up a bid to the NCAA Tournament and assure the Mountain West will be sending three teams (at least) once again. They're awfully good, and have a great point guard who can control the game in Kendall Williams, plus a star in Drew Gordon (finally) who put up 27 & 20 against the Rebels. Hopefully they don't run the table and then win the MWC Tournament, because I want them to have a lower seed for sleeper potential.
5. Tyus Jones. Jones scored 45 points in a game against some team earlier this week to go along with 7 assists, 7 steals, and 7 rebounds. He also received a scholarship offer from Duke. That now means the Gophers are competing against not only Ohio State and Michigan State but now the freakin' Blue Devils, and Jones has zero interest in staying home and the Gophers' continual mediocrity isn't going to win him over any time soon. If you still believe Jones may end up a Gopher, just remember Naadir Tharpe who looked like he was all set to join the Gophers before Kansas suddenly swooped in out of nowhere with an offer which Tharpe accepted within the week. The Gophers, at present, simply cannot compete for that type of player, and when that player is from here and they still can't get him it just reinforces how big of a wasteland the program is right now. Man do I miss Clem. Sure he cheated, but at least he made the team relevant. I'd kill for relevancy. I'm going to light matches and see how long I can hold my finger in the flame, just so I can feel something.
WHO SUCKED
1. Ralph Sampson. I truly believe this is the last time I'll ever write about Sampson because I think we're pretty much done here. Whether it's his fault or Tubby's (well, probably both) nothing has changed since Day 1 and I think even his most ardent supporters, yours truly, have realized that he's going to go down with Rick Rickert as the biggest disappointment in team history. His numbers are virtually unchanged from his freshman year. He wasn't progressing as much as anybody had hoped, but there was a bit of a progression so you could still hold out hope he would have a monster senior year, and when Mbakwe went down the door was wide open. Rather than going through, however, Ralph timidly shut it and, with a shrug of the shoulders, said "No thank you."
He's never shown any drive or any aggressiveness, and never improved in any way (in fact he's regressed in every possible way other than shooting percentage). He never refined his hook shot, nor added a second move in four years. Seriously he never added another move. And, for all his outside shot promise, he never delivered on that either. I suspect Ralph had the talent, but spent his off seasons not in the gym, but playing nintendo or dominoes or dungeons and dragons or whatever kids do these days. His downside should have been Sam Perkins, but he never even got there. This pretty much sums it up. I'm just pissed I didn't think of it first.
2. Illinois Fighting Illini. As disappointing as the Tubby era has been, at least he's not Bruce Weber. After a pretty rough home loss to Purdue on Wednesday that made four straight defeats and a record of 1-7 in their last 8, Weber gave interviews where he sounded alternately confused (bad look for a coach) and defeated (even worse) and his boss gave an interview where he pretty much went out of his way to say Weber was still his guy. So, naturally, rather than rallying around their coach and coming out all fired up against Nebraska the Illini did what you'd expect them to do and rolled over like a bunch of two-bit hookers. I mean they lost to Nebraska by 23 and it wasn't even that close. The Huskers had walk-ons in with like 3 minutes left in the game. Brandon Paul shot 1-7 and scored 2 points. Terrible game, and it's basically guaranteed that Weber is gone after this year. Illinois has a continual pipeline of talent in Chicago so they'll always be dangerous, so as a Gopher fan I'm very sorry to see Weber go, because with him at the helm you always knew you never had to worry about the Illini.
3. Conference USA. When I did my bubble watch I counted both Southern Miss and Memphis as IN along with a group of other teams with the caveat that none of those teams could handle more than 1 more loss. Well, C-USA, poised to possibly get more than one team in the dance for the first time since 1998*, just kicked itself square in the balls because both Southern Miss and Memphis - the only two teams in the conference with at-large chances - both lost to bad teams this weekend. So Miss lost to Houston and their RPI of 220, while Memphis got dropped by UTEP (RPI 149). If both teams manage to get to the C-USA championship game without another loss I'd expect both to still get in. But if either picks up another loss things are going to be very dicey. I was feel bad for C-USA. It was formed to compete with the big boys and was competitive for a bit, but then was completely raided, is now losing Memphis, and will dissolve and form with the leftovers from the Mountain West and is going to be just completely brutal. Don't forget, Cincinnati, Marquette, and Louisville all used to be C-USA schools, and now the jewel will be what, Marshall? UTEP? Gross. This is like being the black sheep of your family and then quitting your shitty job to join a cult. And not one of the good ones either, more like one that forbids group sex (which I assume is the only reason anyone joins a cult).
4. Mississippi State Tigers. Remember like, not all that long ago when Mississippi State was 6-3 in SEC play and had a non-conference win over West Virginia (RPI 37) and no bad (RPI sub-100) losses and everything was hunky dorey? Well a three game losing streak has included losses to Auburn (RPI 123) and Georgia (RPI 107) and they're now 6-3 and in a wee spot of trouble. They have four games left before the SEC Tournament and one is home against Kentucky and another is on the road at Alabama (which is a very tough game if their dudes are reinstated). And it's sad because any team with Dee Bost, Arnett Moultrie, Rodney Hood, and Renardo Sidney should coast to a bid - I mean there's a reason this team was ranked 15th at one point this year. Although Sidney is still way fat and his game has taken a pretty significant step backwards this year, so that doesn't help. Of course, beating Kentucky this week will solve all ills.
5. NC State Wolfpack. This week was a monster of the Wolfpack who were right on the cusp of the bubble and just needed a marquee win or two to push them towards the top, and the opportunities were there with a game at Duke and then a home contest against Florida State. Everything was looking good as NC State raced out to a 16-point lead at the half and were up 19 with 11 minutes left to play, but then they remembered they aren't supposed to win at Cameron and the refs also must have gotten a little jolt in their brain implanted microchips because Duke ended up winning thanks in part to 16 free throw attempts in the final 10 minutes compared to just seven for NC State and three NC Staters fouled out. So that sucked, but even worse they let that hangover drift into Saturday's game against FSU and got their doors blown off. They still have UNC at home this week, but that's their last chance to get a real good win prior to the ACC Tournament. They're looking like they're a year away, and I say that because their recruiting class next year contains Rivals recruits #6, #23, and #55 and ranks as the fourth best in the country for 2012. And yet Tubby's class for that year contains two 3-star guys. It's like impossible to follow college basketball as closely as I do and not get depressed at least three times about the Gophers.
Two additional quick points and then I'll shut-up:
1. The Gophers weren't the only team who took their NCAA bid hopes and pissed all over them this week. Other than Illinois, Miss State, NC State, and the C-USA teams mentioned above, you also had Davidson (loss to Wichita) who is now done along with Akron (loss to Oral Roberts), and Nevada (loss to Iona). Long Beach is still in pretty solid shape as long as there aren't any major slip-ups, but if they had won at Creighton (lost at the buzzer) they would have punched their ticket. And a few major conference teams, although not killing their chances, hurt them badly including Texas (got smoked by a shitty Oklahoma Stat team) and Arizona (lost to Washington). That win for Washington moves them to12-3 in the Pac-10, but the conference is so incredibly shitty that doesn't guarantee them a bid, not even a little. I read somewhere that the Pac-10 overall was something like 2-25 against the RPI Top 50 outside of conference. That's ridiculous. So bad it's like Tubby Smith's record against them since coming to the Gophers. lol.
2. I really like the A.J. Burnett trade for both sides. The Pirates add a veteran arm who undeniably has some talent to a rotation where almost nobody can name a single starter while not giving up any prospects of particular note while the Yankees pay for most of the contract. The Yankees get rid of a guy who clearly struggled with both the AL East and the NY spotlight and saved enough in the process to turn around and sign Raul Ibanez - a RH DH they desperately needed. And Burnett gets out of New York into a non-pressure and no lose situation, not to mention he gets out to the AL (and specifically the AL East) which can only help. win-win-win.
* = I completely made this up because I didn't feel like actually looking it up
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Murray State Racers. I've gone on record here as saying I'm not remotely a believer in Murray State, but after they waxed St. Mary's with ease in their Bracket Busters game on Saturday I've definitely seen a bit of a tick in the "I believe" direction on my "Do I believe in Murray State"-inator which I always wear on my wrist. They just completely dominated the game from beginning to end, and St. Mary's is a very good team. They did turn it over 15 times, but overcame that by shooting the lights out and winning by 14. I can't quite throw my support behind them yet as being for real and I'd love to see them play one more good team to get a real sense of how good they are, but sadly they won't play another good team until the tournament. The tournament which, by the way, they are an absolute lock for now no matter what else happens.
2. Other Bracket Buster winners. Besides Murray State some other teams picked up very big wins this weekend. Wichita State moves into lock territory after knocking off Davidson, while VCU (beat Northern Iowa), Drexel (crushed Cleveland State on the road), George Mason (over Lamar), Weber State (over UT-Arlington) and Iona (beat Nevada) all jump up from "probably not" to "we better take a look" status thanks to their wins. Their were some huge wins outside of Bracket Busters as well, and probably none bigger than Kansas State's win over Baylor which is absolutely a monster for their profile. Middle Tennessee State continued to roll through the the Sun Belt (they can afford zero losses prior to the Sun Belt Championship game), while South Florida has now moved to 10-4 in the Big East after an easy win at Pitt. The overall profile is still a bit lacking but you can't ignore them anymore. And finally, although they're not in consideration for an at-large, Loyola Marymount had a huge week, beating St. Mary's and then winning their Bracket Buster match-up against Valpo and that now gives them three wins over RPI Top 50 teams. Which is pretty much their entire resume, so yeah. Oh, and Harvard beat Yale, so that was good too.
3. Oakland A's. When I first saw the news that the A's had signed Yoenis Cespedes, the cuban defecting outfielder and supposed superstar, I was just stunned and was wondering what the hell Billy Beane was doing. I mean, a team that basically just gutted it's entire roster outbidding everyone else to get a Cuban dude who has never faced major league quality pitching? Bizarre. But when I really stopped to think, it actually makes a lot of sense and is a worthwhile gamble. They got him for 4 years/$36 million which is far less than it was originally thought he'd sign for ($50 mill+), and because of their situation they don't need him to come in a play right away and he can take some time in the minors to assimilate himself. The A's suck now, but are primed to be a contender in a couple of years thanks to a farm system Keith Law ranked as the 9th best in baseball (and that was before this signing) with five guys in Law's Top 100 including three pitchers who project as top of the rotation type guys. Add some hitters, like Cespedes, and Oakland becomes a contender. And seriously, would you rather have Cespedes and his potential at $9 million per year, or Cuddyer at $10+? Cespedes is basically a bargain - a gamble, but a bargain.
4. New Mexico. I'm not entirely certain if a team has EVER had as good a week as the Lobos just did. There are two teams considered as "elite" in the MWC - San Diego State and UNLV. New Mexico, due to a couple of shitty early season losses (to New Mex State and Santa Clara) and losses to both those teams, was considered a step below. Well no more, because this week alone the Lobos beat SDSU at their place by 10 and then stomped UNLV at home by 20 to lock up a bid to the NCAA Tournament and assure the Mountain West will be sending three teams (at least) once again. They're awfully good, and have a great point guard who can control the game in Kendall Williams, plus a star in Drew Gordon (finally) who put up 27 & 20 against the Rebels. Hopefully they don't run the table and then win the MWC Tournament, because I want them to have a lower seed for sleeper potential.
5. Tyus Jones. Jones scored 45 points in a game against some team earlier this week to go along with 7 assists, 7 steals, and 7 rebounds. He also received a scholarship offer from Duke. That now means the Gophers are competing against not only Ohio State and Michigan State but now the freakin' Blue Devils, and Jones has zero interest in staying home and the Gophers' continual mediocrity isn't going to win him over any time soon. If you still believe Jones may end up a Gopher, just remember Naadir Tharpe who looked like he was all set to join the Gophers before Kansas suddenly swooped in out of nowhere with an offer which Tharpe accepted within the week. The Gophers, at present, simply cannot compete for that type of player, and when that player is from here and they still can't get him it just reinforces how big of a wasteland the program is right now. Man do I miss Clem. Sure he cheated, but at least he made the team relevant. I'd kill for relevancy. I'm going to light matches and see how long I can hold my finger in the flame, just so I can feel something.
WHO SUCKED
1. Ralph Sampson. I truly believe this is the last time I'll ever write about Sampson because I think we're pretty much done here. Whether it's his fault or Tubby's (well, probably both) nothing has changed since Day 1 and I think even his most ardent supporters, yours truly, have realized that he's going to go down with Rick Rickert as the biggest disappointment in team history. His numbers are virtually unchanged from his freshman year. He wasn't progressing as much as anybody had hoped, but there was a bit of a progression so you could still hold out hope he would have a monster senior year, and when Mbakwe went down the door was wide open. Rather than going through, however, Ralph timidly shut it and, with a shrug of the shoulders, said "No thank you."
He's never shown any drive or any aggressiveness, and never improved in any way (in fact he's regressed in every possible way other than shooting percentage). He never refined his hook shot, nor added a second move in four years. Seriously he never added another move. And, for all his outside shot promise, he never delivered on that either. I suspect Ralph had the talent, but spent his off seasons not in the gym, but playing nintendo or dominoes or dungeons and dragons or whatever kids do these days. His downside should have been Sam Perkins, but he never even got there. This pretty much sums it up. I'm just pissed I didn't think of it first.
2. Illinois Fighting Illini. As disappointing as the Tubby era has been, at least he's not Bruce Weber. After a pretty rough home loss to Purdue on Wednesday that made four straight defeats and a record of 1-7 in their last 8, Weber gave interviews where he sounded alternately confused (bad look for a coach) and defeated (even worse) and his boss gave an interview where he pretty much went out of his way to say Weber was still his guy. So, naturally, rather than rallying around their coach and coming out all fired up against Nebraska the Illini did what you'd expect them to do and rolled over like a bunch of two-bit hookers. I mean they lost to Nebraska by 23 and it wasn't even that close. The Huskers had walk-ons in with like 3 minutes left in the game. Brandon Paul shot 1-7 and scored 2 points. Terrible game, and it's basically guaranteed that Weber is gone after this year. Illinois has a continual pipeline of talent in Chicago so they'll always be dangerous, so as a Gopher fan I'm very sorry to see Weber go, because with him at the helm you always knew you never had to worry about the Illini.
3. Conference USA. When I did my bubble watch I counted both Southern Miss and Memphis as IN along with a group of other teams with the caveat that none of those teams could handle more than 1 more loss. Well, C-USA, poised to possibly get more than one team in the dance for the first time since 1998*, just kicked itself square in the balls because both Southern Miss and Memphis - the only two teams in the conference with at-large chances - both lost to bad teams this weekend. So Miss lost to Houston and their RPI of 220, while Memphis got dropped by UTEP (RPI 149). If both teams manage to get to the C-USA championship game without another loss I'd expect both to still get in. But if either picks up another loss things are going to be very dicey. I was feel bad for C-USA. It was formed to compete with the big boys and was competitive for a bit, but then was completely raided, is now losing Memphis, and will dissolve and form with the leftovers from the Mountain West and is going to be just completely brutal. Don't forget, Cincinnati, Marquette, and Louisville all used to be C-USA schools, and now the jewel will be what, Marshall? UTEP? Gross. This is like being the black sheep of your family and then quitting your shitty job to join a cult. And not one of the good ones either, more like one that forbids group sex (which I assume is the only reason anyone joins a cult).
4. Mississippi State Tigers. Remember like, not all that long ago when Mississippi State was 6-3 in SEC play and had a non-conference win over West Virginia (RPI 37) and no bad (RPI sub-100) losses and everything was hunky dorey? Well a three game losing streak has included losses to Auburn (RPI 123) and Georgia (RPI 107) and they're now 6-3 and in a wee spot of trouble. They have four games left before the SEC Tournament and one is home against Kentucky and another is on the road at Alabama (which is a very tough game if their dudes are reinstated). And it's sad because any team with Dee Bost, Arnett Moultrie, Rodney Hood, and Renardo Sidney should coast to a bid - I mean there's a reason this team was ranked 15th at one point this year. Although Sidney is still way fat and his game has taken a pretty significant step backwards this year, so that doesn't help. Of course, beating Kentucky this week will solve all ills.
5. NC State Wolfpack. This week was a monster of the Wolfpack who were right on the cusp of the bubble and just needed a marquee win or two to push them towards the top, and the opportunities were there with a game at Duke and then a home contest against Florida State. Everything was looking good as NC State raced out to a 16-point lead at the half and were up 19 with 11 minutes left to play, but then they remembered they aren't supposed to win at Cameron and the refs also must have gotten a little jolt in their brain implanted microchips because Duke ended up winning thanks in part to 16 free throw attempts in the final 10 minutes compared to just seven for NC State and three NC Staters fouled out. So that sucked, but even worse they let that hangover drift into Saturday's game against FSU and got their doors blown off. They still have UNC at home this week, but that's their last chance to get a real good win prior to the ACC Tournament. They're looking like they're a year away, and I say that because their recruiting class next year contains Rivals recruits #6, #23, and #55 and ranks as the fourth best in the country for 2012. And yet Tubby's class for that year contains two 3-star guys. It's like impossible to follow college basketball as closely as I do and not get depressed at least three times about the Gophers.
Two additional quick points and then I'll shut-up:
1. The Gophers weren't the only team who took their NCAA bid hopes and pissed all over them this week. Other than Illinois, Miss State, NC State, and the C-USA teams mentioned above, you also had Davidson (loss to Wichita) who is now done along with Akron (loss to Oral Roberts), and Nevada (loss to Iona). Long Beach is still in pretty solid shape as long as there aren't any major slip-ups, but if they had won at Creighton (lost at the buzzer) they would have punched their ticket. And a few major conference teams, although not killing their chances, hurt them badly including Texas (got smoked by a shitty Oklahoma Stat team) and Arizona (lost to Washington). That win for Washington moves them to12-3 in the Pac-10, but the conference is so incredibly shitty that doesn't guarantee them a bid, not even a little. I read somewhere that the Pac-10 overall was something like 2-25 against the RPI Top 50 outside of conference. That's ridiculous. So bad it's like Tubby Smith's record against them since coming to the Gophers. lol.
2. I really like the A.J. Burnett trade for both sides. The Pirates add a veteran arm who undeniably has some talent to a rotation where almost nobody can name a single starter while not giving up any prospects of particular note while the Yankees pay for most of the contract. The Yankees get rid of a guy who clearly struggled with both the AL East and the NY spotlight and saved enough in the process to turn around and sign Raul Ibanez - a RH DH they desperately needed. And Burnett gets out of New York into a non-pressure and no lose situation, not to mention he gets out to the AL (and specifically the AL East) which can only help. win-win-win.
* = I completely made this up because I didn't feel like actually looking it up
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Mini-Preview: Gophers vs. Buckeyes
I suppose I should write a preview here. Can't imagine why, so it'll be short.
Ohio State is one of the best teams in college ball, but as long as William Buford keeps playing with his head up his rectum and continues to not bring his jump shot to the games they are vulnerable. The problem is they aren't exactly vulnerable to a team like the Gophers. Even if Buford fell off the bus getting to the arena and broke his face off and couldn't play they'd still be a prohibitive favorite. They are one of the best defensive teams in the country, and for an offensively challenged Gopher squad every point is going to be a struggle. I did read somewhere yesterday that Ohio State's guards and big men struggle with ball screens (I think it was on Grantland.com), but unfortunately the Gophers don't really have the guards to take advantage of that. Something to keep an eye on, because if the Gophers manage to stay in this one it's going to take having at least one guard (Dre Westbrook?) and at least one forward/center (Rodney?) running the pick-and-roll to near perfection.
Offensively there is also a tiny bit of good news. The Gophers biggest weakness, as we all know for years and years, has been giving up too many open 3-pointers and Ohio State is a terrible shooting three-point team, especially with Buford apparently shooting left-handed or something. But that's it for good news. I have no idea how they're going to handle Sullinger with one guy who is too passive and one guy who is too clumsy and slow. I fully expect we'll see a large dose of Andre Ingram tonight because Ralph and/or Elliason will be on the shelf with foul trouble. I do hope Rodney Williams matches straight up with DeShaun Thomas, because I would actually love to see that matchup and see how Rodney fares.
So if the Gophers figure out a way to limit Sullinger, get some offense out of Ralph, Rodney can slow Thomas, and they can use ball screens to get in the lane and get good shots, they can hang. I'm not expecting any of those things to happen. I expect to see Aaron Craft and company be all over the Gopher guards in the half-court, causing a turnover-fest, and I expect them to feed Sullinger the ball where he will either score or find an open teammate for a shot when they double him. Whether or not those shots go down will decide if this is an easy Ohio State win or a complete blow-out.
Ohio State 68, Minnesota 52
Ohio State is one of the best teams in college ball, but as long as William Buford keeps playing with his head up his rectum and continues to not bring his jump shot to the games they are vulnerable. The problem is they aren't exactly vulnerable to a team like the Gophers. Even if Buford fell off the bus getting to the arena and broke his face off and couldn't play they'd still be a prohibitive favorite. They are one of the best defensive teams in the country, and for an offensively challenged Gopher squad every point is going to be a struggle. I did read somewhere yesterday that Ohio State's guards and big men struggle with ball screens (I think it was on Grantland.com), but unfortunately the Gophers don't really have the guards to take advantage of that. Something to keep an eye on, because if the Gophers manage to stay in this one it's going to take having at least one guard (Dre Westbrook?) and at least one forward/center (Rodney?) running the pick-and-roll to near perfection.
Offensively there is also a tiny bit of good news. The Gophers biggest weakness, as we all know for years and years, has been giving up too many open 3-pointers and Ohio State is a terrible shooting three-point team, especially with Buford apparently shooting left-handed or something. But that's it for good news. I have no idea how they're going to handle Sullinger with one guy who is too passive and one guy who is too clumsy and slow. I fully expect we'll see a large dose of Andre Ingram tonight because Ralph and/or Elliason will be on the shelf with foul trouble. I do hope Rodney Williams matches straight up with DeShaun Thomas, because I would actually love to see that matchup and see how Rodney fares.
So if the Gophers figure out a way to limit Sullinger, get some offense out of Ralph, Rodney can slow Thomas, and they can use ball screens to get in the lane and get good shots, they can hang. I'm not expecting any of those things to happen. I expect to see Aaron Craft and company be all over the Gopher guards in the half-court, causing a turnover-fest, and I expect them to feed Sullinger the ball where he will either score or find an open teammate for a shot when they double him. Whether or not those shots go down will decide if this is an easy Ohio State win or a complete blow-out.
Ohio State 68, Minnesota 52
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Gophers vs. Iowa: Live Blog
Am I blogging the Gopher/Hawkeye game? Yes. Why, you ask? Not very sure. I think the best reason is that, on the very good chance that things go south, this and future generations can study what I type and come to conclusions about what happens to a rational man's brain when his favorite sports' team, a team made of 18-22 year old kids in this case, fails in a spectacular fashion after building said man's hopes up. A case study on a meltdown. Some people leave their bodies to science and/or donate their organs, I do this. Because, let's face it, I don't science would much want my body (just like my wife, hey-oh!).
20:00 - I wrote a short preview tonight because the way to win this game is simple - score points. Attack the zone, be aggressive in transition and in the half-court, and score points. Iowa is terrible defensively so all you have to do is go after them and score points. Their offense can be scary but it's not good enough to outscore you if you play well. Remember, it was just 64-62 when Iowa won in the Barn - Gophers need more points than that.
19:59 - Iowa starts in man, which is a good call by McCaffrey (the opposite of coming to Iowa in the first place) because you know the Gophers practiced against it over and over all week, so don't give them that zone right away, save it for when/if you need it. Man-to-man leads to an easy steal and a lay-up anyway, so it's 2-0 Iowa and Julian Welch now bricks a long jumper. Great.
18:24 - For the record, Dawger thinks Welch is/will be one of the best Gopher PGs ever, so his mistakes aren't really his fault.
18:05 - Two transition opportunities for Iowa and twice the Gophers haven't gotten back quickly. They're lucky it's only 2-0. I'm not a fan of Tubby's line change substitution patterns, but if you're ever going to do it that would have been the right time.
17:36 - Ralph 16-footer to tie it up. He could still end up the best center in gopher history, you just gotta believe.
16:50 - I bet Roy Marble is way prouder of his kid than Ralph Sampson is of his. Don't you picture the older Ralph just mentally abusing Ralph III? Like in high school Ralph III would be like, hey dad (who was probably never at the games) I had a triple-double last night and Ralph II would be all like, "triple-double? I used to get quadruple doubles in high school? Why were you slacking off? Now go mow the lawn."
16:01 - Another Welch turnover and he's out for Maverick instead of Andre Westbrook for some reason. I don't get this substitution. Also I want to clarify that I call Dre Hollins Andre Westbrook because he reminds me of Russell, not Lawrence. Let's not make that mistake.
15:09 - Well say this for Ralph, he's being aggressive. He's being terrible, but he's being aggressive. 7-2 Iowa at the first break as the Gophers look sloppier than Lindsay Lohan (that's not dated yet, right?)
14:24 - Out of the break Iowa goes to a half-court trap which scares Oto half to death so he just gives them the ball so they can score. 9-2 Iowa. It's over.
13:59 - Ahanmisi fouled on a 3-pointer. 1-3 on the FTs. What a dickwagon.
13:36 - Another Gopher turnover. Every time I watch this team play it makes me wish turnovers were the goal of the game. :championship:
12:33 - At what point does the Gophers' failure to get back to stop the Hawkeyes in transition stop being about lazy players and start becoming about the coach? I know he can't exactly run out there yet - he's not Pete Rose - but at some point it has to be the prep work, no?
11:34 - Eight and a half minutes, 1-8 shooting, 3 points, 8 turnovers. 13-3 Iowa. This is like Marcellus Wallace and Zed so far.
11:16 - Turnover against the press. I wish I was kidding. The good news is Iowa doesn't look like they have their world-beater pants on (they would probably be black Zubaz with like, corn on 'em) so I still think the Gophers can get back into this, as long as they play the rest of the game the exact opposite of how they have been playing.
9:56 - Two consecutive possessions with a shot by the Gophers, new record. They made one, now 15-5. Now 17-5.
9:30 - Ralphie with the hammer dunk and the foul. Seriously might be the most aggressive Sampson has been all year. I think he's got seven of the team's 8 points right now and has missed around 3 shots too. I like seeing him go after it, reminds me of what I saw way back when before I was stabbed in the nuts.
8:45 - Iowa is just awful. Seriously terrible. There is zero reason for the Gophers to lose this game. None. They've played one of the worst games in basketball history - the hoops equivalent of 41-donut, if you will - so far and yet are only down 18-11 after Welch's 3-point play.
7:49 - Iowa misses, Austy Hollins 3-ball. 18-14, and some dumb white guy just had his lay-up swatted by Sampson. On the ensuing possession Hollins misses a WIDE OPEN three, Rodney tips the board out and it leads to an Iowa lay-up on the break. That's a pretty rough swing, momentumally.
6:16 - 20-17 Iowa and here comes the zone. This is going to decide the game right here I type as Welch throws the ball right out of the back of the end zone.
5:40 - I'm not even sure Iowa has a rebound yet. Jesus these guys really fucking suck. How the hell do they have those semi-impressive wins they have? I'm pretty sure Penn State would beat these guys nine out of every 10 games.
4:25 - Despite all that, after a missed open three and a missed lay-up on the follow, the Gophers are still down to these assholes 20-19. The points are just like, right there for the taking. I've threatened this before, but if they don't win this game I'm done with this team. This is like watching a bad high school team and Matt Gatens just hit nothing but backboard on a wide open three-pointer. How can the Gophers possibly be losing? Oh. Right. They're the Gophers.
2:32 - So I've been watching a lot of the old Scooby-Doo's with WonderbabyTM these days, and holy crap was that show racist. Well racist isn't really the proper term because it's just the way the world was back then, I guess stereotypical is the right word. Tonight's episode took place in China Town and 80% of the chinese characters were basically Hong Kong Phooey and at one point Shaggy impersonated a Chinese dude and it included slits for eyes, buck teeth, and Ls and Rs pronounced as Ws. I'm not saying it wasn't hilarious, I'm just saying it was weird to see not only on TV but on a kids' show. And the Gophers are up 27-24 after a couple made threes.
0:00 - 27-24 is your halftime score. And this is why the preview I wrote for this game was so short and half-assed - Iowa completely sucks balls. Like, they're the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. There's no fucking secret formula to winning this one, just don't play like assholes and the Gophers should walk. Well they played like assholes for most of the first half and Iowa was so bad that was completely wiped out by a good, solid four minutes of ball. So just do that the second half. Don't come out with this stupid shit where you look lost and confused and suck. Just attack Iowa and they'll crumble like the French - after all, Napoleon was defeated in Iowa.
19:31 - Iowa with an offensive board off a missed free throw. Wonderful. Great way to start the half.
19:02 - Nice hooker by Ralph. Suck it, Ralph's dad. Mow your own damn lawn.
18:50 - Iowa with a terrible full-court press leads to a Sampson dunk. 31-28 Gophers.
18:34 - Iowa has to be the worst team in the country. Bryce Cartwright spins, completely out of control but puts up a terrible jump shot any way and then some big dumb white just crashes over the back of Joe Coleman as if he doesn't really even understand the rules and just thinks if you can get the ball, get it. Like letting some kind of animal loose.
18:10 - Iowa just missed a lay-up on a 2-on-1, but because the Gophers still aren't hustling back they got the o-board and another crack at a lay-up. Which they missed, leading to a transition 3-pointer for Austin Hollins.
17:02 - Six fouls on the Gophers already. Iowa seems to employing the "fat kid in sixth grade who put his head down and dribbled at the rim" offense, and the Gophers are obliging by fouling them. Of course, Iowa is fucking terrible so Basabe just missed both free throws.
16:30 - It's officialy, Austin Hollins can't shoot. He's like 2-5 on threes which sounds good but if you'd seen any of them he's been completely and totally wide open on all of them. I mean like, Magic Johnson just got AIDS but is playing in the all-star game and nobody wants to guard him open.
15:45 - You're never going to believe this, but the Gophers just had another unforced turnover which led to a Matt Gatens dunk and it's now 36-33 Gophers. In a related story, Matt Gatens can dunk.
15:09 - Iowa crowd all fired up but an Armelin three shuts 'em up. Suck on that, corn boys. Go home and fix one of the four cars sitting on your lawn and watch Dukes of Hazzard while drinking Schlitz. That actually describes all of my uncles on my mom's side, who grew up on a farm, when I was growing up, so I know what I'm talking about here.
14:30 - So who's excited for three more years of Aaron White after this? I can't decide what hurts my eyes more, his hair or his blindingly white skin. I know white guys always stand out on the court (even on Iowa) but this is like somebody suited up Powder. Although I guess that would be pretty helpful having Powder on your team because he could like, move the ball with is mind and shit. Way better than having that ball-hogging Teen Wolf.
12:49 - Also now that I wrote Teen Wolf I'm reminded I once compared Evan Turner to a werewolf on this blog, but I'll be damned if I can remember why.
12:29 - Rodney misses the jumper, the rebound goes through to Iowa dudes to the Gophers again, ball goes to Westbrook who takes it at Oglesby and crosses him over to where he has about 6 feet of room to knock down the 14-footer (and does). 45-35. Yes, 35. Jesus these guys suck.
11:35 - Iowa brings out the 3/4 court trap again and the Gophers make two horrible and wild passes. Somehow Iowa tracks down neither of them.
10:54 - Another foul on the perimeter, Iowa goes to the line again. That's four straight Iowa points and they're all at the line. I can't believe the Gophers are still in danger of losing.
10:24 - The cure for a struggling offense? Elliott Elliason 8-foot jumpers. I'm just kidding. He completely bricked it and then scores to cut it to 4 because their slow white guy is still quicker than Elliason.
9:20 - Let's play guess the Gophers offense out of a timeout: Did they A. Run a well-designed play that led to a good shot, or B. Didn't even have a play because Tubby neglected to call one and passed the ball around the perimeter until there was little left on the shot clock forcing Coleman to try a desperation shot that didn't hit the rim leading to a shot clock violation? If you chose A you are a liar.
8:56 - Remember the Joe Coleman from earlier in the year who was a terrible off the ball defender? He's back, Gatens 3 makes it 45-44 Gophers as Joe completely loses him on a fake cut.
8:30 - Welch answers!!! Probably one of the best point guards in Gophers history.
7:40 - Sampson's shot is slow, hesitant, and blocked and that reminds me that he's done nothing this half at all. Just like a woman, you start praising her and talking about how much you like her and she turns her back on you and starts banging the bartender at the bowling alley.
6:23 - If a tip counts as an o-board that's two offensive rebounds on one possession for Sampson leading to two made free throws for Ralph. I take it back. I take it all back. I still love this guy and I don't care who knows it except probably he shouldn't know because of the whole bartender thing.
5:27 - It's a 50-49 game and Rodney Williams misses two free throws. God this team is just retarded.
5:12 - Basabe makes two (SEE HOW FUCKING EASY THAT IS YOU DICKHEADS) and Iowa now leads 51-50.
4:45 - Welch with another huge three. Nobody hits more clutch shots on this team than Welch other than if it's to win or ice the game, but from about 8 minutes left to 2 minutes left he's just nails.
3:58 - Hollins hits a three somehow and Gophers lead 56-53. Keep up the inside-outside offense and things should be good, until Iowa starts fouling and the Gophers miss every free throw and let Iowa win. You know damn well it's coming.
3:43 - Powder pushes Oto down to the ground (probably with his mind) on a Gatens missed free throw. Big spot for Oto since it's 1-and-1. He missed. Board to Elliason. Leads to a three-pointer by Oto and a 59-54 Gopher lead. What a weird possession in a really weird game. Gophers are 10-16 from three, despite being a terrible shooting team and the only thing Iowa does fairly well defensively is defend the three. Just goes to show you that stats don't matter, nerd. Little computer men and numbers you feed into your calculator don't play basketball, people play basketball and heart and grit and hustle matter.
2:26 - By the way I got to do a fancy work dinner earlier this week. We went to Seven and went with the Spicy Salmon Roll and Calamri for appetizers and then grilled asparagus, truffle mac-and-cheese, and roasted corn for our sides. I went with the Picanha steak for my entree, which is a Brazillian cut of sirloin using the sirloin cap and served with a garlic oil infusion that is to die for. I've only had Picanha before at Fogo de Chao and it was easily my favorite cut, so to get it for an entree was an awesome treat. Seriously, if you can get to Seven and don't order this you are an asshole.
1:55 - Hollins (the bad one) misses another three, leading to a monster dunk right in Ralph's effeminate, tentative face to tie the game at 59. This blows ass.
1:09 - Gophers go to Sampson who is doubled and then turns it over leading to a fast break for Iowa where Welch fouls Cartwright. He makes both. Iowa up 2. I really wish I grew up something gay like dancing or hunting so I wouldn't even care about sports. Maybe snowmobiling. That seems pretty dumb.
0:42 - Do they ever even fucking run a god damn play? Ever? Nobody had a god damn clue what to do on that possession! Can anyone explain to me what exactly it is that Tubby does out there because he sure as fuck doesn't coach or recruit. He doesn't do shit. Honest to jesus baby santa christ he's fucking worthless.
0:00 - ballgame. Fuck you Tubby.
0:00 - Let's watch that possession again. Remember, Gophers are down two here, this is a huge possession and basically the game.
Shotclock time:
35 - ball into Welch, dribbles across half-court.
27 - to Hollins in the middle of the court, 35 feet from the rim.
25 - swing to Coleman on the wing, still 35 feet from the rim.
22 - Coleman dribbles to mid-court swings it back to Hollins on the left now 30 feet from the rim.
19 - Over to the right side to Coleman, still 30 feet from the rim. Coleman clearly looks confused.
17 - To Welch in the center, 26 feet from the rim
14 - Welch drives and puts up a contested, double-teamed, ill-advised 18 footer that misses and that's the game.
Guess how many timeouts they had? Two. Look I am all for letting your players play, but you've seen this group before and I don't think they qualify for Mensa even if you combined all their basketball IQs. Fine, give 'em a chance to look competent if you really want to, but when they spend 21 seconds outside of 26 feet from the rim it's time to call a timeout. This is just an embarrassment. I can no longer think of a single reason to believe in Tubby Smith as the coach. He's terrible and he only tries about once every three games. He was invisible tonight. Congrats on your National Championship with Kentucky, I'm glad Rick Pitino was such a good recruiter. What a fucking joke. Officially an Iowa State fan now.
20:00 - I wrote a short preview tonight because the way to win this game is simple - score points. Attack the zone, be aggressive in transition and in the half-court, and score points. Iowa is terrible defensively so all you have to do is go after them and score points. Their offense can be scary but it's not good enough to outscore you if you play well. Remember, it was just 64-62 when Iowa won in the Barn - Gophers need more points than that.
19:59 - Iowa starts in man, which is a good call by McCaffrey (the opposite of coming to Iowa in the first place) because you know the Gophers practiced against it over and over all week, so don't give them that zone right away, save it for when/if you need it. Man-to-man leads to an easy steal and a lay-up anyway, so it's 2-0 Iowa and Julian Welch now bricks a long jumper. Great.
18:24 - For the record, Dawger thinks Welch is/will be one of the best Gopher PGs ever, so his mistakes aren't really his fault.
18:05 - Two transition opportunities for Iowa and twice the Gophers haven't gotten back quickly. They're lucky it's only 2-0. I'm not a fan of Tubby's line change substitution patterns, but if you're ever going to do it that would have been the right time.
17:36 - Ralph 16-footer to tie it up. He could still end up the best center in gopher history, you just gotta believe.
16:50 - I bet Roy Marble is way prouder of his kid than Ralph Sampson is of his. Don't you picture the older Ralph just mentally abusing Ralph III? Like in high school Ralph III would be like, hey dad (who was probably never at the games) I had a triple-double last night and Ralph II would be all like, "triple-double? I used to get quadruple doubles in high school? Why were you slacking off? Now go mow the lawn."
16:01 - Another Welch turnover and he's out for Maverick instead of Andre Westbrook for some reason. I don't get this substitution. Also I want to clarify that I call Dre Hollins Andre Westbrook because he reminds me of Russell, not Lawrence. Let's not make that mistake.
15:09 - Well say this for Ralph, he's being aggressive. He's being terrible, but he's being aggressive. 7-2 Iowa at the first break as the Gophers look sloppier than Lindsay Lohan (that's not dated yet, right?)
14:24 - Out of the break Iowa goes to a half-court trap which scares Oto half to death so he just gives them the ball so they can score. 9-2 Iowa. It's over.
13:59 - Ahanmisi fouled on a 3-pointer. 1-3 on the FTs. What a dickwagon.
13:36 - Another Gopher turnover. Every time I watch this team play it makes me wish turnovers were the goal of the game. :championship:
12:33 - At what point does the Gophers' failure to get back to stop the Hawkeyes in transition stop being about lazy players and start becoming about the coach? I know he can't exactly run out there yet - he's not Pete Rose - but at some point it has to be the prep work, no?
11:34 - Eight and a half minutes, 1-8 shooting, 3 points, 8 turnovers. 13-3 Iowa. This is like Marcellus Wallace and Zed so far.
11:16 - Turnover against the press. I wish I was kidding. The good news is Iowa doesn't look like they have their world-beater pants on (they would probably be black Zubaz with like, corn on 'em) so I still think the Gophers can get back into this, as long as they play the rest of the game the exact opposite of how they have been playing.
9:56 - Two consecutive possessions with a shot by the Gophers, new record. They made one, now 15-5. Now 17-5.
9:30 - Ralphie with the hammer dunk and the foul. Seriously might be the most aggressive Sampson has been all year. I think he's got seven of the team's 8 points right now and has missed around 3 shots too. I like seeing him go after it, reminds me of what I saw way back when before I was stabbed in the nuts.
8:45 - Iowa is just awful. Seriously terrible. There is zero reason for the Gophers to lose this game. None. They've played one of the worst games in basketball history - the hoops equivalent of 41-donut, if you will - so far and yet are only down 18-11 after Welch's 3-point play.
7:49 - Iowa misses, Austy Hollins 3-ball. 18-14, and some dumb white guy just had his lay-up swatted by Sampson. On the ensuing possession Hollins misses a WIDE OPEN three, Rodney tips the board out and it leads to an Iowa lay-up on the break. That's a pretty rough swing, momentumally.
6:16 - 20-17 Iowa and here comes the zone. This is going to decide the game right here I type as Welch throws the ball right out of the back of the end zone.
5:40 - I'm not even sure Iowa has a rebound yet. Jesus these guys really fucking suck. How the hell do they have those semi-impressive wins they have? I'm pretty sure Penn State would beat these guys nine out of every 10 games.
4:25 - Despite all that, after a missed open three and a missed lay-up on the follow, the Gophers are still down to these assholes 20-19. The points are just like, right there for the taking. I've threatened this before, but if they don't win this game I'm done with this team. This is like watching a bad high school team and Matt Gatens just hit nothing but backboard on a wide open three-pointer. How can the Gophers possibly be losing? Oh. Right. They're the Gophers.
2:32 - So I've been watching a lot of the old Scooby-Doo's with WonderbabyTM these days, and holy crap was that show racist. Well racist isn't really the proper term because it's just the way the world was back then, I guess stereotypical is the right word. Tonight's episode took place in China Town and 80% of the chinese characters were basically Hong Kong Phooey and at one point Shaggy impersonated a Chinese dude and it included slits for eyes, buck teeth, and Ls and Rs pronounced as Ws. I'm not saying it wasn't hilarious, I'm just saying it was weird to see not only on TV but on a kids' show. And the Gophers are up 27-24 after a couple made threes.
0:00 - 27-24 is your halftime score. And this is why the preview I wrote for this game was so short and half-assed - Iowa completely sucks balls. Like, they're the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. There's no fucking secret formula to winning this one, just don't play like assholes and the Gophers should walk. Well they played like assholes for most of the first half and Iowa was so bad that was completely wiped out by a good, solid four minutes of ball. So just do that the second half. Don't come out with this stupid shit where you look lost and confused and suck. Just attack Iowa and they'll crumble like the French - after all, Napoleon was defeated in Iowa.
 | |||||
| Napoleon was finally defeated at Waterloo. Look it up, noob. |
19:31 - Iowa with an offensive board off a missed free throw. Wonderful. Great way to start the half.
19:02 - Nice hooker by Ralph. Suck it, Ralph's dad. Mow your own damn lawn.
18:50 - Iowa with a terrible full-court press leads to a Sampson dunk. 31-28 Gophers.
18:34 - Iowa has to be the worst team in the country. Bryce Cartwright spins, completely out of control but puts up a terrible jump shot any way and then some big dumb white just crashes over the back of Joe Coleman as if he doesn't really even understand the rules and just thinks if you can get the ball, get it. Like letting some kind of animal loose.
18:10 - Iowa just missed a lay-up on a 2-on-1, but because the Gophers still aren't hustling back they got the o-board and another crack at a lay-up. Which they missed, leading to a transition 3-pointer for Austin Hollins.
17:02 - Six fouls on the Gophers already. Iowa seems to employing the "fat kid in sixth grade who put his head down and dribbled at the rim" offense, and the Gophers are obliging by fouling them. Of course, Iowa is fucking terrible so Basabe just missed both free throws.
16:30 - It's officialy, Austin Hollins can't shoot. He's like 2-5 on threes which sounds good but if you'd seen any of them he's been completely and totally wide open on all of them. I mean like, Magic Johnson just got AIDS but is playing in the all-star game and nobody wants to guard him open.
15:45 - You're never going to believe this, but the Gophers just had another unforced turnover which led to a Matt Gatens dunk and it's now 36-33 Gophers. In a related story, Matt Gatens can dunk.
15:09 - Iowa crowd all fired up but an Armelin three shuts 'em up. Suck on that, corn boys. Go home and fix one of the four cars sitting on your lawn and watch Dukes of Hazzard while drinking Schlitz. That actually describes all of my uncles on my mom's side, who grew up on a farm, when I was growing up, so I know what I'm talking about here.
14:30 - So who's excited for three more years of Aaron White after this? I can't decide what hurts my eyes more, his hair or his blindingly white skin. I know white guys always stand out on the court (even on Iowa) but this is like somebody suited up Powder. Although I guess that would be pretty helpful having Powder on your team because he could like, move the ball with is mind and shit. Way better than having that ball-hogging Teen Wolf.
12:49 - Also now that I wrote Teen Wolf I'm reminded I once compared Evan Turner to a werewolf on this blog, but I'll be damned if I can remember why.
12:29 - Rodney misses the jumper, the rebound goes through to Iowa dudes to the Gophers again, ball goes to Westbrook who takes it at Oglesby and crosses him over to where he has about 6 feet of room to knock down the 14-footer (and does). 45-35. Yes, 35. Jesus these guys suck.
11:35 - Iowa brings out the 3/4 court trap again and the Gophers make two horrible and wild passes. Somehow Iowa tracks down neither of them.
10:54 - Another foul on the perimeter, Iowa goes to the line again. That's four straight Iowa points and they're all at the line. I can't believe the Gophers are still in danger of losing.
10:24 - The cure for a struggling offense? Elliott Elliason 8-foot jumpers. I'm just kidding. He completely bricked it and then scores to cut it to 4 because their slow white guy is still quicker than Elliason.
9:20 - Let's play guess the Gophers offense out of a timeout: Did they A. Run a well-designed play that led to a good shot, or B. Didn't even have a play because Tubby neglected to call one and passed the ball around the perimeter until there was little left on the shot clock forcing Coleman to try a desperation shot that didn't hit the rim leading to a shot clock violation? If you chose A you are a liar.
8:56 - Remember the Joe Coleman from earlier in the year who was a terrible off the ball defender? He's back, Gatens 3 makes it 45-44 Gophers as Joe completely loses him on a fake cut.
8:30 - Welch answers!!! Probably one of the best point guards in Gophers history.
7:40 - Sampson's shot is slow, hesitant, and blocked and that reminds me that he's done nothing this half at all. Just like a woman, you start praising her and talking about how much you like her and she turns her back on you and starts banging the bartender at the bowling alley.
6:23 - If a tip counts as an o-board that's two offensive rebounds on one possession for Sampson leading to two made free throws for Ralph. I take it back. I take it all back. I still love this guy and I don't care who knows it except probably he shouldn't know because of the whole bartender thing.
5:27 - It's a 50-49 game and Rodney Williams misses two free throws. God this team is just retarded.
5:12 - Basabe makes two (SEE HOW FUCKING EASY THAT IS YOU DICKHEADS) and Iowa now leads 51-50.
4:45 - Welch with another huge three. Nobody hits more clutch shots on this team than Welch other than if it's to win or ice the game, but from about 8 minutes left to 2 minutes left he's just nails.
3:58 - Hollins hits a three somehow and Gophers lead 56-53. Keep up the inside-outside offense and things should be good, until Iowa starts fouling and the Gophers miss every free throw and let Iowa win. You know damn well it's coming.
3:43 - Powder pushes Oto down to the ground (probably with his mind) on a Gatens missed free throw. Big spot for Oto since it's 1-and-1. He missed. Board to Elliason. Leads to a three-pointer by Oto and a 59-54 Gopher lead. What a weird possession in a really weird game. Gophers are 10-16 from three, despite being a terrible shooting team and the only thing Iowa does fairly well defensively is defend the three. Just goes to show you that stats don't matter, nerd. Little computer men and numbers you feed into your calculator don't play basketball, people play basketball and heart and grit and hustle matter.
2:26 - By the way I got to do a fancy work dinner earlier this week. We went to Seven and went with the Spicy Salmon Roll and Calamri for appetizers and then grilled asparagus, truffle mac-and-cheese, and roasted corn for our sides. I went with the Picanha steak for my entree, which is a Brazillian cut of sirloin using the sirloin cap and served with a garlic oil infusion that is to die for. I've only had Picanha before at Fogo de Chao and it was easily my favorite cut, so to get it for an entree was an awesome treat. Seriously, if you can get to Seven and don't order this you are an asshole.
1:55 - Hollins (the bad one) misses another three, leading to a monster dunk right in Ralph's effeminate, tentative face to tie the game at 59. This blows ass.
1:09 - Gophers go to Sampson who is doubled and then turns it over leading to a fast break for Iowa where Welch fouls Cartwright. He makes both. Iowa up 2. I really wish I grew up something gay like dancing or hunting so I wouldn't even care about sports. Maybe snowmobiling. That seems pretty dumb.
0:42 - Do they ever even fucking run a god damn play? Ever? Nobody had a god damn clue what to do on that possession! Can anyone explain to me what exactly it is that Tubby does out there because he sure as fuck doesn't coach or recruit. He doesn't do shit. Honest to jesus baby santa christ he's fucking worthless.
0:00 - ballgame. Fuck you Tubby.
0:00 - Let's watch that possession again. Remember, Gophers are down two here, this is a huge possession and basically the game.
Shotclock time:
35 - ball into Welch, dribbles across half-court.
27 - to Hollins in the middle of the court, 35 feet from the rim.
25 - swing to Coleman on the wing, still 35 feet from the rim.
22 - Coleman dribbles to mid-court swings it back to Hollins on the left now 30 feet from the rim.
19 - Over to the right side to Coleman, still 30 feet from the rim. Coleman clearly looks confused.
17 - To Welch in the center, 26 feet from the rim
14 - Welch drives and puts up a contested, double-teamed, ill-advised 18 footer that misses and that's the game.
Guess how many timeouts they had? Two. Look I am all for letting your players play, but you've seen this group before and I don't think they qualify for Mensa even if you combined all their basketball IQs. Fine, give 'em a chance to look competent if you really want to, but when they spend 21 seconds outside of 26 feet from the rim it's time to call a timeout. This is just an embarrassment. I can no longer think of a single reason to believe in Tubby Smith as the coach. He's terrible and he only tries about once every three games. He was invisible tonight. Congrats on your National Championship with Kentucky, I'm glad Rick Pitino was such a good recruiter. What a fucking joke. Officially an Iowa State fan now.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Week in Review - 1/30/2012
So I'm going no introduction. Suck it.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Gopher Basketball. The basketball gods giveth, and they taketh away but in this case in the reverse order of that. The Gophers lost a game they probably should have won when the played the Illini in Champaign and then made up for it by winning on Saturday when they should have lost, and would have if Meyers Leonard had just backed out of the way. In any case, the Gophers are now 4-5 in conference play and would probably sneak into the tournament if it started today, which means they're in good position assuming they don't screw things up, making this week a monster. They head to Iowa and then to Nebraska, two winnable road games that are more than just winnable, they're must wins. I've been hurt too many times by Gopher teams and women to be fooled again, which is why I'm not buying into this team until after this week. If they can win two road games they need to I'll go ahead and buy in. Until then consider me cautiously optimistic.
Two players who deserve extra praise following the Illinois win are Chip Armelin and Andre Hollins or Andre Westbrook as he is known when I talk. Armelin was the hero of the first half and basically the reason the Gophers went into half-time with a lead thanks to his energy, fearlessness, an accurate jumper, and a couple of great passes including a Magic-esque fake behind the back drop-off on a fastbreak. Armelin was awesome.
But Andre Hollins might have been even better in the second half and overtime. The Gophers had a pretty easy time of it in overtime and Andre Hollins was the biggest reason, and seriously how much does he remind you of Russell Westbrook? I can't be the only one who sees this. Not a great shooter but has the ability to get hot, with the strongest part of his game his ability to get to the rim, which is a strength because he's willing to take it in there against anybody. I suppose that could describe Joe Coleman as well, but Hollins kind of looks like Westbrook too. I don't know, but with Hollins and Coleman maybe this team has a future after all. Stay tuned.
2. Kevin Love. I figured he'd sign, I guessed he'd sign, but until it happens you can't ever relax, especially in a place that has seen all non-Twin beloved figures bolt and/or force their way out at some point, but now Love is ours. For at least three years, and I think that's the best part of this deal for both sides. Love is a smart dude who knows what he's doing, which is why it wasn't surprising when I read an article pre-lockout about him and how he and his agent were putting 90% of his income or something into an account not to be touched and he was just living off of 10%, which is really what everybody in pro sports should do but almost nobody does. He continued his smart behavior by going with the 3-year opt out clause in his deal, which basically says, "Yes, I want to play here and build a winner but if that's not happening and the team isn't doing what it's supposed to I want out" which, again is a smart way to go about things. Plus, now the Wolves absolutely have to work to build a team around him or he can just take off. Three more years of Love + Rubio + Williams. How good can they be? I have no clue yet, but I am damn glad we will get to find out.
3. Detroit Tigers. Well shit. Just when you think the Twins have a chance to be relevant (V-Martinez out for the year, White Sox trading everything away) the Tigers go and sign Prince Fielder. Part of me wants to point out that giving a 9-year contract to a guy who is in the kind of shape Fielder's in and who only has one real skill (hitting) who is 29 years old probably means the last couple of years of that contract, at a minimum, are going to be a burden. But I'm also smart enough to recognize that the part of me that wants to point that out is really nothing more than just a jealous asshole because this freaking sucks. Fielder and Cabrera give the Tigers two of what, the five best hitters in the game? And Avila and Peralta can hammer the ball as well. If Delmon Young's figured out or if Brennan Boesch or Austin Jackson ever do that lineup is going to be sick, as if it isn't already. And although there's plenty of questions behind Verlander, Fister-Scherzer-Porcello has a chance to be pretty solid. Detroit's not a runaway favorite in the Central or anything, but they're clearly a favorite. Just a great move that says, "F money, we're going for it" and the kind of thing the Twins would never, ever do in a million years. Is the Chili Davis signing the biggest FA move of our lifetime? Am I forgetting anything? I'm moving to Detroit.
Just kidding. I don't want to get shot. Unless I do it myself after the Gophers lose to both Iowa and Nebraska.
4. Lou Diamond Phillips. I'm guessing most people don't watch Celebrity Cook-Off but for me if it's a cooking competition I'm pretty much watching no matter what, and LDP beat out Coolio to take this one down, although both of them would have been worthy champions. Labamba was more refined, while Coolio had his own ideas and his own recipes which apparently worked well (mayo on cheesy bread?) but these two were definitely the two best cooks who took it seriously. Joey Fatone can knock out Italian food but has zero range and zero creative skill, and there wasn't another cook besides those three who seemed worthwhile (Aaron Carter was one and his big dish was a macaroni salad lolololololol). So nice work Lou for a good season where I actually learned stuff. I look forward to not hearing your name again for 10 years or so until you resurface playing an Indian Chief is some sort of fancy movie. Probably Sitting Bull or some shit. With Ashton Kutcher as Custer.
5. Iowa State Cyclones. One of the most enjoyable basketball experiences I've ever had was going down to Ames for the first time (Snacks is a graduate and I was visiting him) and going to Hilton Coliseum and watching a good but not great Cyclones team take down a Kansas team that I think was ranked #1 going into the game, including seeing Minnesota's own Jake Sullivan pull up from 35-feet on a 3-on-2 fast break and nail a 3 (no joke, that was probably the coolest thing I've ever seen on a basketball court in person). This weekend the Cyclones did it again, knocking off the Jayhawks 72-64, once again behind a native Minnesotan. This time it wasn't a under-recruited, short little whiteboy with a deadly jumper who is in range from anywhere on the court, but a tatted up, nationally recognized top recruit with some mental problems and the kind of well-rounded game where he leads the team in points, rebounds, assists, blocks, and is 0.2 behind in steals. Seriously I don't know if you've seen him yet this year but Royce White is really, really, really good. Really good. Put him on this Gopher team and they're an automatic NCAA team. Put him and Mbakwe on this team and you're talk Sweet 16 team with upside.
God dammit.
WHO SUCKED
1. Ralph Sampson. It's official, the Gophers are now actively winning games in spite of Sampson. 5 points and 5 fouls with only three rebounds and couldn't be bothered to block a shot. Not only was he crappy in measurable things, but he just got crushed by Meyers Leonard who had at least two and maybe three offensive boards on missed Illinois free throws that he got by just leaning on Ralph and moving him too far under the rim to do anything about it. And Sampson just let it happen again and again. Several times Sampson didn't even look interested, like the one time I specifically watched him and when Illinois took a jump shot he just stood there while Leonard went right around him and grabbed the o-board. The guy had six offensive rebounds for the game and I'm fairly certain all six came against Sampson. In a career full of disappointing games and poor effort, this one really took the cake. Elliason is a better option at this point. You may consider my heart-broken. Just like when Emma Stone dyed her hair blonde. Why Emma? Why?
2. San Diego State. The funny thing, and I guess it's not really funny but whatever shut up, is that I actually had SDSU teed up as WHO WAS AWESOME after they went into Wyoming and rolled an underrated Cowboy team that was starting to look sleeperiffic. I know beating Wyoming, even in Laramie, isn't usually impressive but trust me that was a really good win, not to mention SDSU was 18-2 in a year when they had lost four starters and the core of a sweet 16 team and weren't supposed to add up to much. Probably the biggest surprise (pleasant surprise) of the year. And then they roll into Fort Collins and just get smoked by the Colorado State and getting out-played in every way possible. Big deal? No, not really because the Aztecs are basically in the tournament no matter what, especially because collapse is nearly impossible since the Mountain West is meh this year, but just a hugely disappointing loss. Why I care so much, I couldn't begin to tell you.
3. Bruce Weber. I have no idea how this guy still has a job. He's one of the worst game coaches this side of Rick Barnes, and nobody does less with more than Weber. When is the last time he actually exceeded expectations? I know he did well at Southern Illinois (recruiting better than the rest of the conference, naturally, since that's the one thing he excels at) and he had a good start at Illinois with Self's players including that Final Four, but since then they've been garbage, right? I mean I know they've made the NCAA Tournament like 4 of the 6 years since then and as Gopher fans we'd kill for that level of success, but based on the recruits he's bringing in that's pathetic, especially since they've only won two tournament games in that span. I guess that's what happens when you hitch your wagon to fat non-point guard with no real point guard skills Demetri McCamey for four years and don't bother to, you know, recruit another point guard for four freaking years. See you probably thought I wouldn't ever be able to work in another dig at McCamey, but then BAM! there we are. Did you know he did 0 bench reps at the college hoops draft combine. Zero. Should have made it a donut eating contest.
4. Central Michigan Chippewas. Not that this week at 0-2 was particularly bad for Central Michigan because they plain old suck at 7-13 and have lost five straight, but it's time to call attention this because I thought they were supposed start getting more gooder. Remember two years ago when Trey Ziegler was the #28 recruit in the country and had offers from Arizona, Duke, Michigan State, Michigan, and UCLA amongst others? And then remember how he passed up all those opportunities in order to play for his dad at CMU? Yeah, apparently it didn't matter because 10 total games last year and might be worse this year. Ziegler leads the team in scoring, rebounding, and assists for the second straight year, but who cares because they're terrible. It's basically the same story from the same year as Ray McCallum who ended up going to Detroit to play for daddy, but at least they're showing some signs of improvement - this Ziegler thing is a nightmare.
5. Phil Mickelson. Lefty is a bonafide stud when it comes to Torrey Pines. He's won there three times in his career, he has 8 top-fives including a solo second here last year. He's played at Torrey Pines 22 times on the PGA Tour, grew up playing on this course, lives like 5 minutes away, and hasn't missed a cut there in 10 years. So how'd he do this weekend at the Farmers Insurance Open? Natually he shot a +5 on Thursday, the day when over 2/3rds of the field went under par, and then missed the cut. What an asshole.
Also I totally missed this which is why it's just getting mentioned here, but apparently Kyle Stanley didn't win the golf tournament today, despite having a 3-shot lead going into the last hole. I was watching the end, but after he laid up on his second shot on the par-5 eighteenth hole to about 75 yards I figured it was over and clicked off. According the words that other people typed, Stanley spun his approach shot right off the green, then on his second try put it 45 feet away and 3-putted (!!!) from there to end up going to a playoff with Brandt Snedeker who won after Stanley missed a five-foot par putt on the second playoff whole. Jesus. I'm damn glad I flipped the channel because if I had watched that I would have alternated laughing and feeling depressed to the point where I'd probably become the Joker. By the way, did you know in the comic books there's a whole subplot where Joker rapes Commissioner Gordon's daughter? Seriously, comic books are way fucked up. I'm scared of comic book fans, for realsies.
Also I really should have mentioned the Magic as a team who sucked. They're in the dumpster at this point. Zero chance Howard finishes out the year there. Howard for Beasley, Webster, Williams, and Wes Johnson works under the cap. Just sayin'.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Gopher Basketball. The basketball gods giveth, and they taketh away but in this case in the reverse order of that. The Gophers lost a game they probably should have won when the played the Illini in Champaign and then made up for it by winning on Saturday when they should have lost, and would have if Meyers Leonard had just backed out of the way. In any case, the Gophers are now 4-5 in conference play and would probably sneak into the tournament if it started today, which means they're in good position assuming they don't screw things up, making this week a monster. They head to Iowa and then to Nebraska, two winnable road games that are more than just winnable, they're must wins. I've been hurt too many times by Gopher teams and women to be fooled again, which is why I'm not buying into this team until after this week. If they can win two road games they need to I'll go ahead and buy in. Until then consider me cautiously optimistic.
Two players who deserve extra praise following the Illinois win are Chip Armelin and Andre Hollins or Andre Westbrook as he is known when I talk. Armelin was the hero of the first half and basically the reason the Gophers went into half-time with a lead thanks to his energy, fearlessness, an accurate jumper, and a couple of great passes including a Magic-esque fake behind the back drop-off on a fastbreak. Armelin was awesome.
But Andre Hollins might have been even better in the second half and overtime. The Gophers had a pretty easy time of it in overtime and Andre Hollins was the biggest reason, and seriously how much does he remind you of Russell Westbrook? I can't be the only one who sees this. Not a great shooter but has the ability to get hot, with the strongest part of his game his ability to get to the rim, which is a strength because he's willing to take it in there against anybody. I suppose that could describe Joe Coleman as well, but Hollins kind of looks like Westbrook too. I don't know, but with Hollins and Coleman maybe this team has a future after all. Stay tuned.
2. Kevin Love. I figured he'd sign, I guessed he'd sign, but until it happens you can't ever relax, especially in a place that has seen all non-Twin beloved figures bolt and/or force their way out at some point, but now Love is ours. For at least three years, and I think that's the best part of this deal for both sides. Love is a smart dude who knows what he's doing, which is why it wasn't surprising when I read an article pre-lockout about him and how he and his agent were putting 90% of his income or something into an account not to be touched and he was just living off of 10%, which is really what everybody in pro sports should do but almost nobody does. He continued his smart behavior by going with the 3-year opt out clause in his deal, which basically says, "Yes, I want to play here and build a winner but if that's not happening and the team isn't doing what it's supposed to I want out" which, again is a smart way to go about things. Plus, now the Wolves absolutely have to work to build a team around him or he can just take off. Three more years of Love + Rubio + Williams. How good can they be? I have no clue yet, but I am damn glad we will get to find out.
3. Detroit Tigers. Well shit. Just when you think the Twins have a chance to be relevant (V-Martinez out for the year, White Sox trading everything away) the Tigers go and sign Prince Fielder. Part of me wants to point out that giving a 9-year contract to a guy who is in the kind of shape Fielder's in and who only has one real skill (hitting) who is 29 years old probably means the last couple of years of that contract, at a minimum, are going to be a burden. But I'm also smart enough to recognize that the part of me that wants to point that out is really nothing more than just a jealous asshole because this freaking sucks. Fielder and Cabrera give the Tigers two of what, the five best hitters in the game? And Avila and Peralta can hammer the ball as well. If Delmon Young's figured out or if Brennan Boesch or Austin Jackson ever do that lineup is going to be sick, as if it isn't already. And although there's plenty of questions behind Verlander, Fister-Scherzer-Porcello has a chance to be pretty solid. Detroit's not a runaway favorite in the Central or anything, but they're clearly a favorite. Just a great move that says, "F money, we're going for it" and the kind of thing the Twins would never, ever do in a million years. Is the Chili Davis signing the biggest FA move of our lifetime? Am I forgetting anything? I'm moving to Detroit.
Just kidding. I don't want to get shot. Unless I do it myself after the Gophers lose to both Iowa and Nebraska.
4. Lou Diamond Phillips. I'm guessing most people don't watch Celebrity Cook-Off but for me if it's a cooking competition I'm pretty much watching no matter what, and LDP beat out Coolio to take this one down, although both of them would have been worthy champions. Labamba was more refined, while Coolio had his own ideas and his own recipes which apparently worked well (mayo on cheesy bread?) but these two were definitely the two best cooks who took it seriously. Joey Fatone can knock out Italian food but has zero range and zero creative skill, and there wasn't another cook besides those three who seemed worthwhile (Aaron Carter was one and his big dish was a macaroni salad lolololololol). So nice work Lou for a good season where I actually learned stuff. I look forward to not hearing your name again for 10 years or so until you resurface playing an Indian Chief is some sort of fancy movie. Probably Sitting Bull or some shit. With Ashton Kutcher as Custer.
5. Iowa State Cyclones. One of the most enjoyable basketball experiences I've ever had was going down to Ames for the first time (Snacks is a graduate and I was visiting him) and going to Hilton Coliseum and watching a good but not great Cyclones team take down a Kansas team that I think was ranked #1 going into the game, including seeing Minnesota's own Jake Sullivan pull up from 35-feet on a 3-on-2 fast break and nail a 3 (no joke, that was probably the coolest thing I've ever seen on a basketball court in person). This weekend the Cyclones did it again, knocking off the Jayhawks 72-64, once again behind a native Minnesotan. This time it wasn't a under-recruited, short little whiteboy with a deadly jumper who is in range from anywhere on the court, but a tatted up, nationally recognized top recruit with some mental problems and the kind of well-rounded game where he leads the team in points, rebounds, assists, blocks, and is 0.2 behind in steals. Seriously I don't know if you've seen him yet this year but Royce White is really, really, really good. Really good. Put him on this Gopher team and they're an automatic NCAA team. Put him and Mbakwe on this team and you're talk Sweet 16 team with upside.
God dammit.
WHO SUCKED
1. Ralph Sampson. It's official, the Gophers are now actively winning games in spite of Sampson. 5 points and 5 fouls with only three rebounds and couldn't be bothered to block a shot. Not only was he crappy in measurable things, but he just got crushed by Meyers Leonard who had at least two and maybe three offensive boards on missed Illinois free throws that he got by just leaning on Ralph and moving him too far under the rim to do anything about it. And Sampson just let it happen again and again. Several times Sampson didn't even look interested, like the one time I specifically watched him and when Illinois took a jump shot he just stood there while Leonard went right around him and grabbed the o-board. The guy had six offensive rebounds for the game and I'm fairly certain all six came against Sampson. In a career full of disappointing games and poor effort, this one really took the cake. Elliason is a better option at this point. You may consider my heart-broken. Just like when Emma Stone dyed her hair blonde. Why Emma? Why?
2. San Diego State. The funny thing, and I guess it's not really funny but whatever shut up, is that I actually had SDSU teed up as WHO WAS AWESOME after they went into Wyoming and rolled an underrated Cowboy team that was starting to look sleeperiffic. I know beating Wyoming, even in Laramie, isn't usually impressive but trust me that was a really good win, not to mention SDSU was 18-2 in a year when they had lost four starters and the core of a sweet 16 team and weren't supposed to add up to much. Probably the biggest surprise (pleasant surprise) of the year. And then they roll into Fort Collins and just get smoked by the Colorado State and getting out-played in every way possible. Big deal? No, not really because the Aztecs are basically in the tournament no matter what, especially because collapse is nearly impossible since the Mountain West is meh this year, but just a hugely disappointing loss. Why I care so much, I couldn't begin to tell you.
3. Bruce Weber. I have no idea how this guy still has a job. He's one of the worst game coaches this side of Rick Barnes, and nobody does less with more than Weber. When is the last time he actually exceeded expectations? I know he did well at Southern Illinois (recruiting better than the rest of the conference, naturally, since that's the one thing he excels at) and he had a good start at Illinois with Self's players including that Final Four, but since then they've been garbage, right? I mean I know they've made the NCAA Tournament like 4 of the 6 years since then and as Gopher fans we'd kill for that level of success, but based on the recruits he's bringing in that's pathetic, especially since they've only won two tournament games in that span. I guess that's what happens when you hitch your wagon to fat non-point guard with no real point guard skills Demetri McCamey for four years and don't bother to, you know, recruit another point guard for four freaking years. See you probably thought I wouldn't ever be able to work in another dig at McCamey, but then BAM! there we are. Did you know he did 0 bench reps at the college hoops draft combine. Zero. Should have made it a donut eating contest.
4. Central Michigan Chippewas. Not that this week at 0-2 was particularly bad for Central Michigan because they plain old suck at 7-13 and have lost five straight, but it's time to call attention this because I thought they were supposed start getting more gooder. Remember two years ago when Trey Ziegler was the #28 recruit in the country and had offers from Arizona, Duke, Michigan State, Michigan, and UCLA amongst others? And then remember how he passed up all those opportunities in order to play for his dad at CMU? Yeah, apparently it didn't matter because 10 total games last year and might be worse this year. Ziegler leads the team in scoring, rebounding, and assists for the second straight year, but who cares because they're terrible. It's basically the same story from the same year as Ray McCallum who ended up going to Detroit to play for daddy, but at least they're showing some signs of improvement - this Ziegler thing is a nightmare.
5. Phil Mickelson. Lefty is a bonafide stud when it comes to Torrey Pines. He's won there three times in his career, he has 8 top-fives including a solo second here last year. He's played at Torrey Pines 22 times on the PGA Tour, grew up playing on this course, lives like 5 minutes away, and hasn't missed a cut there in 10 years. So how'd he do this weekend at the Farmers Insurance Open? Natually he shot a +5 on Thursday, the day when over 2/3rds of the field went under par, and then missed the cut. What an asshole.
Also I totally missed this which is why it's just getting mentioned here, but apparently Kyle Stanley didn't win the golf tournament today, despite having a 3-shot lead going into the last hole. I was watching the end, but after he laid up on his second shot on the par-5 eighteenth hole to about 75 yards I figured it was over and clicked off. According the words that other people typed, Stanley spun his approach shot right off the green, then on his second try put it 45 feet away and 3-putted (!!!) from there to end up going to a playoff with Brandt Snedeker who won after Stanley missed a five-foot par putt on the second playoff whole. Jesus. I'm damn glad I flipped the channel because if I had watched that I would have alternated laughing and feeling depressed to the point where I'd probably become the Joker. By the way, did you know in the comic books there's a whole subplot where Joker rapes Commissioner Gordon's daughter? Seriously, comic books are way fucked up. I'm scared of comic book fans, for realsies.
Also I really should have mentioned the Magic as a team who sucked. They're in the dumpster at this point. Zero chance Howard finishes out the year there. Howard for Beasley, Webster, Williams, and Wes Johnson works under the cap. Just sayin'.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Preview: Gophers vs. Northwestern
First, drop whatever you're doing unless you're holding a baby or working with plutonium (1.21 JIGGAWATTS!!! - side note: I bet that's Jay-Z's favorite unit of measurement) and go here to read four awesome Gopher fans be realists. Matt from Fringe Bowl Team, FrothyGopher aka G'Swan from Still Got Hope (ha ha suck it TRE), and myself were invited by the From the Barn dudes to have a virtual roundtable type discussion about the Gopher hoop team. The results were predictably cynical, yet moody. Also predictable? It was more entertaining than anything I've ever written, so stop being such a douchebaby and go read it.
Now, onto the business on the table, and that's Sunday's game against Northwestern, and as depressing as it is to talk about this only 7 games into the Big Ten schedule, this is a must win game. Yes, it's a must win game. Of course, since Northwestern has followed the Gophers' plan of not beating, nor scheduling games against, any quality opponents and then starting the B10 season at 2-4, it's close to a must win game for the Wildcats as well (although in their defense the Iowa and Purdue losses by the Gophers are far worse than anything Northwestern has done so far). Since these two teams desperately need this one, you can expect an intense, well-played game with crisp execution and a maximum effort and focus on every possession.
I'm just kidding. These two programs are the most likely in the conference to play like dickheads in a big game and are equally likely to rise up and crush some poor fools (Minny over Indy, NW over Mich State) so basically anything could happen in this game and it wouldn't surprise me. But what could we see? Let's look. Join me on a magical adventure. Levar Burton is here too.
The first thing I have to tell you is I really don't know much about the Wildcats this year. Every time I sit down to watch one of their games it's at their place where that weird ass purple court (where the entire area betwixt the paint and 3-pt line is this weird purple but not quite a solid purple) eye rapes me and I can't really look at if for more than a few minutes at a time. So I'm only going to discuss three players who I know quite well and ignore guys like Dave Sobolewski and David Curletti and Alex Marcotullio because I have no idea who they are, even though Sobolewski spent a week on my fantasy squad.
First up are Drew Crawford and John Shurna, and honestly they're like, the only two who actually matter because they score over half Northwestern's points and are top 3 in everything else. They can both do basically anything and everything. Crawford does it in a smooth, suave, athletic way and is kind of a poor man's Ray Allen without an immortal jumper and Shurna does it in the nerdiest way ever that is reminiscent of the weird kid who was always at the park shooting at those chain nets and double rims with his rubber ball who never had an ounce of teaching but still managed to be pretty decent. There's no reason the Gophers shouldn't be able to shut down Shurna but let's be honest you could say that about every game he's played this year. the guy is just a nerdtastic machine who makes Kevin Coble look like Brad Pitt. But he gets it done. And Crawford is a straight up stud.
Normally if there's a team who relies on two dudes this much I'd say just do everything you possibly can to stop those two but I assume Northwestern has a shit ton of white dudes who can shoot based on some of those names and since the Gophers have little to no idea how to defend the three-pointer that would probably be a bad idea. Also Northwestern has that zone which sometimes gives the gophers fits and I'd totally go into it but there's something I really want to talk about and I can't think about anything else so let's just go: Luka vs. Ralph.
Luka Mirkovich is the least mobile person I've ever seen. His defense is very similar to this lamp I'm sitting next to. His best offensive move is somehow using his fat slowness to trick the guy guarding him into thinking he's not actually moving and then suddenly make a lay-up. If he and Stephen Hawking had a good ole fashioned athletic face-off the line would be Luka -120. If Ralph and Luka played one-on-one there is no good reason Ralph shouldn't win 11-1. And yet.
This what I want to see and it's my own fault for caring about Ralph so much when I've metaphorically fallen down the stairs so many times because of him, and yet I'm back for more like whatever Charlie Sheen's wife's name was. Please Ralph. I shouldn't even give you another chance but this is it. Line drawn in the sand. Must win game. At home. Crowd wants to get behind you. Going up against a tree with glasses. Please Ralph. Give it to me. Give it to me how I like it. Stop being such an asshole. This is your time.
Also I have no idea why I wrote that Levar Burton thing earlier. I'm not sure that made much sense. But really, not much about this post made sense. I'm very tired and you're annoying me.
Gophers 66, Wildcats 65.
Now, onto the business on the table, and that's Sunday's game against Northwestern, and as depressing as it is to talk about this only 7 games into the Big Ten schedule, this is a must win game. Yes, it's a must win game. Of course, since Northwestern has followed the Gophers' plan of not beating, nor scheduling games against, any quality opponents and then starting the B10 season at 2-4, it's close to a must win game for the Wildcats as well (although in their defense the Iowa and Purdue losses by the Gophers are far worse than anything Northwestern has done so far). Since these two teams desperately need this one, you can expect an intense, well-played game with crisp execution and a maximum effort and focus on every possession.
I'm just kidding. These two programs are the most likely in the conference to play like dickheads in a big game and are equally likely to rise up and crush some poor fools (Minny over Indy, NW over Mich State) so basically anything could happen in this game and it wouldn't surprise me. But what could we see? Let's look. Join me on a magical adventure. Levar Burton is here too.
The first thing I have to tell you is I really don't know much about the Wildcats this year. Every time I sit down to watch one of their games it's at their place where that weird ass purple court (where the entire area betwixt the paint and 3-pt line is this weird purple but not quite a solid purple) eye rapes me and I can't really look at if for more than a few minutes at a time. So I'm only going to discuss three players who I know quite well and ignore guys like Dave Sobolewski and David Curletti and Alex Marcotullio because I have no idea who they are, even though Sobolewski spent a week on my fantasy squad.
First up are Drew Crawford and John Shurna, and honestly they're like, the only two who actually matter because they score over half Northwestern's points and are top 3 in everything else. They can both do basically anything and everything. Crawford does it in a smooth, suave, athletic way and is kind of a poor man's Ray Allen without an immortal jumper and Shurna does it in the nerdiest way ever that is reminiscent of the weird kid who was always at the park shooting at those chain nets and double rims with his rubber ball who never had an ounce of teaching but still managed to be pretty decent. There's no reason the Gophers shouldn't be able to shut down Shurna but let's be honest you could say that about every game he's played this year. the guy is just a nerdtastic machine who makes Kevin Coble look like Brad Pitt. But he gets it done. And Crawford is a straight up stud.
Normally if there's a team who relies on two dudes this much I'd say just do everything you possibly can to stop those two but I assume Northwestern has a shit ton of white dudes who can shoot based on some of those names and since the Gophers have little to no idea how to defend the three-pointer that would probably be a bad idea. Also Northwestern has that zone which sometimes gives the gophers fits and I'd totally go into it but there's something I really want to talk about and I can't think about anything else so let's just go: Luka vs. Ralph.
Luka Mirkovich is the least mobile person I've ever seen. His defense is very similar to this lamp I'm sitting next to. His best offensive move is somehow using his fat slowness to trick the guy guarding him into thinking he's not actually moving and then suddenly make a lay-up. If he and Stephen Hawking had a good ole fashioned athletic face-off the line would be Luka -120. If Ralph and Luka played one-on-one there is no good reason Ralph shouldn't win 11-1. And yet.
This what I want to see and it's my own fault for caring about Ralph so much when I've metaphorically fallen down the stairs so many times because of him, and yet I'm back for more like whatever Charlie Sheen's wife's name was. Please Ralph. I shouldn't even give you another chance but this is it. Line drawn in the sand. Must win game. At home. Crowd wants to get behind you. Going up against a tree with glasses. Please Ralph. Give it to me. Give it to me how I like it. Stop being such an asshole. This is your time.
Also I have no idea why I wrote that Levar Burton thing earlier. I'm not sure that made much sense. But really, not much about this post made sense. I'm very tired and you're annoying me.
Gophers 66, Wildcats 65.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Gophers vs. Hoosiers Live Blog
I'm not exactly certain why, but I'm going to live blog this game. I'm a bit nervous because I fully expect that three-eighths of my body will be covered in vomit by the end of this and let's face it I'm not 28 anymore so that's not cool, but I'm going to do it anyway. I had a work sponsored happy hour earlier and am now armed with five Coors Light silos and a giant vat of Mrs. W's delicious vinegar dill cucumbers so I'm feeling confident. Confident I'll be done with this post in less than an hour, but I'm now committed so let's see I guess.
20:00 - Ahanmisi not in the starting lineup tonight. It's like we've already won.
20:00 - I love how everyone is so confused about Tubby being 0-4 in conference and how it's a miracle. It's not a miracle when you don't care. It's like, it's not a miracle that I have no Wild pennants in my house. It's just that hockey is for idiots and I don't give a crap. Kind of like how I imagine Tubby feels about this job.
19:38 - Welch's slow feet commit a foul. He's now officially slower than small white dudes.
19:34 - Rodney bringing the aggressive getting his own board off a miss and converting it into a 3-point play. I'm feeling like it might be a Rodney night. Not sure if Indiana really has anybody outside Oladipo who can handle him.
18:48 - Indiana attacking the paint early. What a weird concept. Speaking of such, what percentage of Mbakwe's shot attempts were off of offensive rebounds? Gotta be like 80, no?
18:16 - 8 seconds on the shot clock and the Gophers hadn't crossed the 3-point line yet. Austy Hollins takes it to the rack and gets a lay-up. MORE OF THIS MORE EARLIER PLZ!
17:40 - Coleman gets it in the paint and makes the lay-up. 7-4 Gophers. What's will all this paint action? I haven't seen anything like this since Bear and I were firing paintball guns out our windows at each other at 2am back in high school. Ok, they were staple guns, but same thing.
16:58 - Zeller finds himself in a breakaway situation and Ralph chases him down and gives him a good hard, clean foul to prevent the lay-in. The exact kind of foul he needed to throw Lewis Jackson's way against Purdue. I don't know if I should be more frustrated or encouraged. Maybe this is like when Zack learns he's native american and half-asses his assignment and the professor is all like "dude" and then he goes to talk to Chief Henry and gets all serious and is all like "I'm running Zack." Now that I look at it, I'm not really sure how that relates but Saved by the Bell references are always a hit.
15:38 - Ralph scores in the paint to make it 11-8 Gophers. Yes, in the paint. I assume he got lost.
15:15 - #1 for Indiana isn't Jordan Hulls is it? Cuz #1 is freaking terrible.
14:35 - Zellar lay-up, Ralph grabs it to throw it in to the guard guy, half-ass lobs it without paying any attention and Zeller steals it and scores again. 12-11 Indiana. Time-out Gophers. Uh oh, Rexy, I don't think this one has the distance.
13:17 - I should mention I'm watching this on tape delay on account of my stupid kids, and it's 9:02 right now and my phone just buzzed with a text. I'm too scared to check it, seeing as this is about the time the game would have ended. I know, I'm stupid. But what if?
12:33 - Will Sheehey checks in. I had no idea he was white. Kind of a Lew Ford moment for me here.
12:12 - Joe Coleman to the rack. Blocked by Zellar, but at least he's got the stones to take it inside. I dislike an awful lot about Coleman's game, but for a freshman there is a ton I like. I can't wait to watch him not develop at all over the next 3+ years and/or transfer after year two.
11:44 - Christian Watford goes down with an apparent ankle injury. Not to sound like a callous dick, but I hope he's out for the game. Just the game, nothing serious or anything, just maybe take the night off. You've had a good year, you deserve some rest. Maybe bring a cheerleader or team booster back with you. Crack open a nice bottle of wine and maybe eat some grapes or whatever. Have a nice relaxing evening.
10:36 - Holy fuck. Zellar just dream shaked Ralph resulting in an uncontested hammer dunk and I'm not sure Ralph's figured out where the ball is yet. Wow. Seriously that's gonna be a sportscenter thingy. Which means the Gophers will show up on the plays of the day for the second time this year. Huzzah!
9:45 - Chip for 3 (Gophers 19, Indiana 18). guess how much room he had and how much time he took to take the shot: wrong. The answer is zero.
9:02 - Ahanmisi to the rack for a lay-up. Where the shit was all this against Iowa and Purdue? I swear to god if they win this game I'm going to be more pissed than happy.
8:02 - Wide open three for Indiana and he goes clang city. Got to assume those will fall eventually. Just like the 3 Maverick just hit to open up a 26-20 lead for the Gophers. Then Verdell Jones missed an open 8-foot jumper. And just now as I'm typing Chip hits another three. It's 29-20. I hate this team for what they do to me. I hate them so much. I should be in bed right now.
7:04 - I forgot to pause it when I went upstairs to get a beer and it's 29-23 now. That is all.
6:34 - Couple more text messages trickling in. Perhaps this one is closer than I thought in the end. No chance Gophers can win. None. God I hope I'm wrong I think. I'm so tempted to read them. What if they aren't even about basketball? Maybe it's some hot chick texting me pictures of her boobs and I'm ignoring it? I think I'll resist for now, but it's close.
6:04 - Fucking awful charge call. And another text comes in. Interesting.
5:21 - Indiana continues to clang open threes like a wrestling team an open gym. If that continues and never mind because Jordan Hulls (who is indeed #1) just buried a 25 footer in Chip's face. Nine point lead now down to one. Waaah waah.
4:24 - Joe Coleman either lost an eye or a contact. I'd write more but I was trying to fast-forward to half-time and this made me stop so I'm kind of annoyed.
3:52 - Fast forwarded to far. Indiana now winning, mainly because the Hoosiers switched to a zone and the Gophers are all like oh my god I'm so confused until just now when Austy hits a 3 to give them back the lead so that was good.
3:01 - Rodney dunk. Nice to see you again, sir.
1:49 - Watford's back and just missed a really stupid shot. Keep it up.
0:12 - Oto, while the team has the shot clock off and is playing for one shot, puts up a three with 12 seconds left and airballs it. Yikes. There is so much wrong about that play I'd actually be a little bit stunned if he gets off the bench in the second half.
0:00 - Gophers lead 37-34 and my phone is absolutely blowing up (and I'm still ignoring it). This is either going to be a heartbreaking loss or a heartbreaking win, if you know what I mean. And if you don't you're stupid.
0:00 - Am I drunk or is that Gary Williams as part of the Big 10 Network half-time show? Gary Williams? The Maryland guy? What the hell? That doesn't even remotely make sense. Maybe they should pull in John Chaney and Rollie Mossimino are available.
19:18 - Well this will shock you, but Julian Welch missed another lay-up (he did get fouled but it was one of those sissy fouls where you're supposed to make the shot). If you take Welch and a 3rd grader and have them do a lay-up contest who wins? Welch of course, but it's probably a little too close.
18:32 - Zeller gets it on the block against Sampson and for some reason goes for the fade-away jump hook instead of doing anything remotely aggressive - and misses. Welch takes it to the rack and makes it on the other end and Gophers now lead 43-34. The amount of rim attacking in this game has now convinced me that Tubby (well, probably whichever assistant he gets to do the actual gameplanning) reads this blog. I'm definitely the only one who had that idea ever.
17:00 - Rodney misses a weird off-balance lay-up kind of thing badly and scarily, but he took it to the rim from the top of the key. This is definitely a concerted effort by the Gophers to get to the rack. Nicely done. I try to get to the rack as often as possible as well.
16:42 - Verdell Jones just hit all backboard on a wide open 3-point attempt. That kind of night so far for Indiana. This is going to be crushing when the Gophers lose.
16:32 - Will Sheehey has a little bit of Punto to 'em.
15:51 - The announcers point out that Jordan Hulls hasn't played this half and wonder what his status is. I'll tell you his status - he sucks. Been a long time since I've been this unimpressed by somebody who was supposed to be awesome. Jordan Hulls, the Dave Matthews of Indiana basketball.
14:30 - Zeller dream shakes Ralph again, less effectively but still makes the shot, then Oladipo steals the inbounds pass and gets fouled. Misses both free throws. I can't decide if this is an omen that it's the Gophers night or a sign that they're falling apart.
14:01 - Wow, Austin Hollins is having a hell of a game after taking it right at Zeller and making the lay-up to make it a 47-40 Gopher lead. Must be rough for Lionel to have to watch his kid sit on the bench while his nephew lights it up. And he just hit a real nice pull-up J to make it a NINE point Gopher lead. I'm starting to think unthinkable things. Can't wait to have my heart ripped out.
12:25 - Rodney lay-up. 51-40 Gophers. I don't know who this team is that I'm watching. All they do is attack the rim/paint. It's a whole different team.
11:50 - Hey there's Hulls! Watford just missed a jumper off a Hulls' pass. Pretty sure it was Hulls fault.
10:54 - Coleman drives and draws the help in the paint so even thought he missed the shot nobody was there to block out Rodney for an easy tip in. Gophers 53-45 (Indiana scored while I was typing). I'm going to be honest here, if the Gophers lose this it's going to break my heart even though I thought they already broke it. They're playing exactly how I want them to play (on offense) and Indiana is missing shots. This has to be it. It has to be.
9:22 - Moving pick called on Indiana (John Thompson would be so proud). I happened while Hulls had the ball. Pretty sure he fucked up and Watford was trying to fix it when he got called for the foul.
9:00 - Williams with a lay-up (again) and a made free throw for kicks. They are just slaughtering Indiana in the paint which is exactly what they should do since Zeller is their only inside presence of note. I have no idea who this team is. It's like that movie where who you think somebody is isn't because they're someone else. The Hot Chick.
8:43 - Look at these cucumbers. You want these. If you tasted these you would punch your wife or boyfriend in the face for not making them:
8:18 - Eliason just hit a 16-footer to make it 58-51 Gophers. This was after like four straight Indiana points. I repeat: Eliason just hit a 16-foot jump shot. Like, he made it. This is not the Hoosiers night. Until it is, of course.
8:00 - Jordan Hulls just missed a three. He's 90% of the reason they're losing. He's like a white Russ Archambeau who plays the whole game. Also Julian Welch is really, really good when he gets in the lane not counting those times when he blew the game. You know how Ralph is really a fancy pants nancy boy perimeter player in a 7-footer's body? I think Welch is the opposite. If they could swap bodies like Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan in that movie or whoever else in those 4000 other movies based on that same basic premise I think everybody would be happy. Plus they'd get to sleep with each other's girlfriends and wouldn't really be cheating.
6:10 - Jordan Hulls just tried to take a dive on a lay-up to draw the charge, but it wasn't called and the gopher guy who I think was Chip missed the lay-up but because Hulls was on the floor the Gophers got the offensive rebound and scored. Hulls, single-handedly ruining the Hoosiers' season.
4:11 - Trade Oto.
3:22 - Sampson misses a hook shot, naturally (did you notice that Sampson is almost an acronym for tampon?) but Coleman gets not one but two shots at a tip-in and makes the second to put the Gophers up 66-59. They're up 7 with 3 minutes to go. I'm semi-hyperventilating.
3:11 - Rodney just fouled out. So that's pretty shitty. I've always said this whole "foul limit" thing was pretty fascist.
2:42 - Not to hammer this point home too much like I was Sid Hartman or jesus's dad, but I have no idea what team I'm watching tonight. Welch misses a lay-up (naturally) and Osenieks, filling in for Godney, gets not one but two chances at a tip-in, making the second one. It's like they somehow get how close the season is to slipping away. Maybe should've figured that out a game (or two) earlier, but this is the team I had been expecting to see this year.
Please don't blow this.
2:19 - Welch misses another lay-up which, and I'm not joking, makes four in the second half alone. Serioulsy. Remember that joke about how he'd beat third grader in a lay-up contest? Not so sure he wins anymore. This is an epidemic. If they lose this that will make three games he's blown this year. He's like the Jenna Jameson of basketball. Because of the blows thing. Get it? Whatever shut up. I'm semi-drunk and a little bit delirious.
1:42 - Sampson knocks down a 17 footer to make it 70-62 Gophers. They can't blow this, right? Right?
1:27 - Hulls misses a three. What an anchor. Terrance Simmons like.
0:50 - Mav misses a free throw but Colmean ends up grabbing the board. Probably Hulls' fault.
0:40 - Gophers turn it over on the inbounds play giving Indiana a lay-up and the foul. This is the kind of shit I don't need. Gophers up 71-68.
0:39 - Indiana fouls and the announcers are debating whether they should have, which is stupid because if you don't foul you might not get the ball back until there are only 4 seconds left in the game. Announcers are all dumb. All of them. Might as well just let women do it.
0:30 - Coleman hits both FTs (I love you) then Indiana hits a three (not Jordan Hulls) to cut it to 73-71. Blood pressure rising.
0:29 - Hulls fouls Coleman who makes both free throws. That's on you, Hullsy.
0:17 - Zeller goes for the lay-up and Hollins's's fouls him. What. The. Fuck. Once he gets inside the three-point line just let him go. Good god. Talk to Uncle Lionel one of these days about making smart plays.
0:02 - Hollins makes two, Hulls passes to the wrong guy who misses, and Welch is at the line for two. Make one and we're looking at ball game and a very serious how the hell did that happen situation. Like when Pam Beasley got boobs all of a sudden.
0:01 - Did that mother fucker miss both? Of course he did. Jesus H christ Julian Welch makes Lebron look like Larry Bird with this clutch shit. He needs to be nowhere near the court in the last 3 minutes of any close game.
0:00 - Gophers win, . Perfect storm my friends. Gophers finally learned they need to attack the basket the same night Indiana stopped making jump shots. Not taking anything away from it, it was a great win for the home town team and a great feather in their cap, but I don't think we can start talking NCAA Tournament yet because they dug themselves such a huge hole, but wow. Just wow. I didn't remotely see this coming. If they play like this the rest of the way they can win a ton of games. Don't forget Indiana beat both Kentucky and Ohio State in this same building. I think I'll have more thoughts later or next week or tomorrow or something, need some time to fully process this. I can't remember being this stunned. They led this game pretty much wire-to-wire. Obviously they need to do a whole hell of a lot more, but this win saved the season.
I'm gonna go to bed. Joe Coleman is my hero.
Also suck it Sidler.
20:00 - Ahanmisi not in the starting lineup tonight. It's like we've already won.
20:00 - I love how everyone is so confused about Tubby being 0-4 in conference and how it's a miracle. It's not a miracle when you don't care. It's like, it's not a miracle that I have no Wild pennants in my house. It's just that hockey is for idiots and I don't give a crap. Kind of like how I imagine Tubby feels about this job.
19:38 - Welch's slow feet commit a foul. He's now officially slower than small white dudes.
19:34 - Rodney bringing the aggressive getting his own board off a miss and converting it into a 3-point play. I'm feeling like it might be a Rodney night. Not sure if Indiana really has anybody outside Oladipo who can handle him.
18:48 - Indiana attacking the paint early. What a weird concept. Speaking of such, what percentage of Mbakwe's shot attempts were off of offensive rebounds? Gotta be like 80, no?
18:16 - 8 seconds on the shot clock and the Gophers hadn't crossed the 3-point line yet. Austy Hollins takes it to the rack and gets a lay-up. MORE OF THIS MORE EARLIER PLZ!
17:40 - Coleman gets it in the paint and makes the lay-up. 7-4 Gophers. What's will all this paint action? I haven't seen anything like this since Bear and I were firing paintball guns out our windows at each other at 2am back in high school. Ok, they were staple guns, but same thing.
16:58 - Zeller finds himself in a breakaway situation and Ralph chases him down and gives him a good hard, clean foul to prevent the lay-in. The exact kind of foul he needed to throw Lewis Jackson's way against Purdue. I don't know if I should be more frustrated or encouraged. Maybe this is like when Zack learns he's native american and half-asses his assignment and the professor is all like "dude" and then he goes to talk to Chief Henry and gets all serious and is all like "I'm running Zack." Now that I look at it, I'm not really sure how that relates but Saved by the Bell references are always a hit.
15:38 - Ralph scores in the paint to make it 11-8 Gophers. Yes, in the paint. I assume he got lost.
15:15 - #1 for Indiana isn't Jordan Hulls is it? Cuz #1 is freaking terrible.
14:35 - Zellar lay-up, Ralph grabs it to throw it in to the guard guy, half-ass lobs it without paying any attention and Zeller steals it and scores again. 12-11 Indiana. Time-out Gophers. Uh oh, Rexy, I don't think this one has the distance.
13:17 - I should mention I'm watching this on tape delay on account of my stupid kids, and it's 9:02 right now and my phone just buzzed with a text. I'm too scared to check it, seeing as this is about the time the game would have ended. I know, I'm stupid. But what if?
12:33 - Will Sheehey checks in. I had no idea he was white. Kind of a Lew Ford moment for me here.
12:12 - Joe Coleman to the rack. Blocked by Zellar, but at least he's got the stones to take it inside. I dislike an awful lot about Coleman's game, but for a freshman there is a ton I like. I can't wait to watch him not develop at all over the next 3+ years and/or transfer after year two.
11:44 - Christian Watford goes down with an apparent ankle injury. Not to sound like a callous dick, but I hope he's out for the game. Just the game, nothing serious or anything, just maybe take the night off. You've had a good year, you deserve some rest. Maybe bring a cheerleader or team booster back with you. Crack open a nice bottle of wine and maybe eat some grapes or whatever. Have a nice relaxing evening.
10:36 - Holy fuck. Zellar just dream shaked Ralph resulting in an uncontested hammer dunk and I'm not sure Ralph's figured out where the ball is yet. Wow. Seriously that's gonna be a sportscenter thingy. Which means the Gophers will show up on the plays of the day for the second time this year. Huzzah!
9:45 - Chip for 3 (Gophers 19, Indiana 18). guess how much room he had and how much time he took to take the shot: wrong. The answer is zero.
9:02 - Ahanmisi to the rack for a lay-up. Where the shit was all this against Iowa and Purdue? I swear to god if they win this game I'm going to be more pissed than happy.
8:02 - Wide open three for Indiana and he goes clang city. Got to assume those will fall eventually. Just like the 3 Maverick just hit to open up a 26-20 lead for the Gophers. Then Verdell Jones missed an open 8-foot jumper. And just now as I'm typing Chip hits another three. It's 29-20. I hate this team for what they do to me. I hate them so much. I should be in bed right now.
7:04 - I forgot to pause it when I went upstairs to get a beer and it's 29-23 now. That is all.
6:34 - Couple more text messages trickling in. Perhaps this one is closer than I thought in the end. No chance Gophers can win. None. God I hope I'm wrong I think. I'm so tempted to read them. What if they aren't even about basketball? Maybe it's some hot chick texting me pictures of her boobs and I'm ignoring it? I think I'll resist for now, but it's close.
6:04 - Fucking awful charge call. And another text comes in. Interesting.
5:21 - Indiana continues to clang open threes like a wrestling team an open gym. If that continues and never mind because Jordan Hulls (who is indeed #1) just buried a 25 footer in Chip's face. Nine point lead now down to one. Waaah waah.
4:24 - Joe Coleman either lost an eye or a contact. I'd write more but I was trying to fast-forward to half-time and this made me stop so I'm kind of annoyed.
3:52 - Fast forwarded to far. Indiana now winning, mainly because the Hoosiers switched to a zone and the Gophers are all like oh my god I'm so confused until just now when Austy hits a 3 to give them back the lead so that was good.
3:01 - Rodney dunk. Nice to see you again, sir.
1:49 - Watford's back and just missed a really stupid shot. Keep it up.
0:12 - Oto, while the team has the shot clock off and is playing for one shot, puts up a three with 12 seconds left and airballs it. Yikes. There is so much wrong about that play I'd actually be a little bit stunned if he gets off the bench in the second half.
0:00 - Gophers lead 37-34 and my phone is absolutely blowing up (and I'm still ignoring it). This is either going to be a heartbreaking loss or a heartbreaking win, if you know what I mean. And if you don't you're stupid.
0:00 - Am I drunk or is that Gary Williams as part of the Big 10 Network half-time show? Gary Williams? The Maryland guy? What the hell? That doesn't even remotely make sense. Maybe they should pull in John Chaney and Rollie Mossimino are available.
19:18 - Well this will shock you, but Julian Welch missed another lay-up (he did get fouled but it was one of those sissy fouls where you're supposed to make the shot). If you take Welch and a 3rd grader and have them do a lay-up contest who wins? Welch of course, but it's probably a little too close.
18:32 - Zeller gets it on the block against Sampson and for some reason goes for the fade-away jump hook instead of doing anything remotely aggressive - and misses. Welch takes it to the rack and makes it on the other end and Gophers now lead 43-34. The amount of rim attacking in this game has now convinced me that Tubby (well, probably whichever assistant he gets to do the actual gameplanning) reads this blog. I'm definitely the only one who had that idea ever.
17:00 - Rodney misses a weird off-balance lay-up kind of thing badly and scarily, but he took it to the rim from the top of the key. This is definitely a concerted effort by the Gophers to get to the rack. Nicely done. I try to get to the rack as often as possible as well.
16:42 - Verdell Jones just hit all backboard on a wide open 3-point attempt. That kind of night so far for Indiana. This is going to be crushing when the Gophers lose.
16:32 - Will Sheehey has a little bit of Punto to 'em.
15:51 - The announcers point out that Jordan Hulls hasn't played this half and wonder what his status is. I'll tell you his status - he sucks. Been a long time since I've been this unimpressed by somebody who was supposed to be awesome. Jordan Hulls, the Dave Matthews of Indiana basketball.
14:30 - Zeller dream shakes Ralph again, less effectively but still makes the shot, then Oladipo steals the inbounds pass and gets fouled. Misses both free throws. I can't decide if this is an omen that it's the Gophers night or a sign that they're falling apart.
14:01 - Wow, Austin Hollins is having a hell of a game after taking it right at Zeller and making the lay-up to make it a 47-40 Gopher lead. Must be rough for Lionel to have to watch his kid sit on the bench while his nephew lights it up. And he just hit a real nice pull-up J to make it a NINE point Gopher lead. I'm starting to think unthinkable things. Can't wait to have my heart ripped out.
12:25 - Rodney lay-up. 51-40 Gophers. I don't know who this team is that I'm watching. All they do is attack the rim/paint. It's a whole different team.
11:50 - Hey there's Hulls! Watford just missed a jumper off a Hulls' pass. Pretty sure it was Hulls fault.
10:54 - Coleman drives and draws the help in the paint so even thought he missed the shot nobody was there to block out Rodney for an easy tip in. Gophers 53-45 (Indiana scored while I was typing). I'm going to be honest here, if the Gophers lose this it's going to break my heart even though I thought they already broke it. They're playing exactly how I want them to play (on offense) and Indiana is missing shots. This has to be it. It has to be.
9:22 - Moving pick called on Indiana (John Thompson would be so proud). I happened while Hulls had the ball. Pretty sure he fucked up and Watford was trying to fix it when he got called for the foul.
9:00 - Williams with a lay-up (again) and a made free throw for kicks. They are just slaughtering Indiana in the paint which is exactly what they should do since Zeller is their only inside presence of note. I have no idea who this team is. It's like that movie where who you think somebody is isn't because they're someone else. The Hot Chick.
8:43 - Look at these cucumbers. You want these. If you tasted these you would punch your wife or boyfriend in the face for not making them:
8:18 - Eliason just hit a 16-footer to make it 58-51 Gophers. This was after like four straight Indiana points. I repeat: Eliason just hit a 16-foot jump shot. Like, he made it. This is not the Hoosiers night. Until it is, of course.
8:00 - Jordan Hulls just missed a three. He's 90% of the reason they're losing. He's like a white Russ Archambeau who plays the whole game. Also Julian Welch is really, really good when he gets in the lane not counting those times when he blew the game. You know how Ralph is really a fancy pants nancy boy perimeter player in a 7-footer's body? I think Welch is the opposite. If they could swap bodies like Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan in that movie or whoever else in those 4000 other movies based on that same basic premise I think everybody would be happy. Plus they'd get to sleep with each other's girlfriends and wouldn't really be cheating.
6:10 - Jordan Hulls just tried to take a dive on a lay-up to draw the charge, but it wasn't called and the gopher guy who I think was Chip missed the lay-up but because Hulls was on the floor the Gophers got the offensive rebound and scored. Hulls, single-handedly ruining the Hoosiers' season.
4:11 - Trade Oto.
3:22 - Sampson misses a hook shot, naturally (did you notice that Sampson is almost an acronym for tampon?) but Coleman gets not one but two shots at a tip-in and makes the second to put the Gophers up 66-59. They're up 7 with 3 minutes to go. I'm semi-hyperventilating.
3:11 - Rodney just fouled out. So that's pretty shitty. I've always said this whole "foul limit" thing was pretty fascist.
2:42 - Not to hammer this point home too much like I was Sid Hartman or jesus's dad, but I have no idea what team I'm watching tonight. Welch misses a lay-up (naturally) and Osenieks, filling in for Godney, gets not one but two chances at a tip-in, making the second one. It's like they somehow get how close the season is to slipping away. Maybe should've figured that out a game (or two) earlier, but this is the team I had been expecting to see this year.
Please don't blow this.
2:19 - Welch misses another lay-up which, and I'm not joking, makes four in the second half alone. Serioulsy. Remember that joke about how he'd beat third grader in a lay-up contest? Not so sure he wins anymore. This is an epidemic. If they lose this that will make three games he's blown this year. He's like the Jenna Jameson of basketball. Because of the blows thing. Get it? Whatever shut up. I'm semi-drunk and a little bit delirious.
1:42 - Sampson knocks down a 17 footer to make it 70-62 Gophers. They can't blow this, right? Right?
1:27 - Hulls misses a three. What an anchor. Terrance Simmons like.
0:50 - Mav misses a free throw but Colmean ends up grabbing the board. Probably Hulls' fault.
0:40 - Gophers turn it over on the inbounds play giving Indiana a lay-up and the foul. This is the kind of shit I don't need. Gophers up 71-68.
0:39 - Indiana fouls and the announcers are debating whether they should have, which is stupid because if you don't foul you might not get the ball back until there are only 4 seconds left in the game. Announcers are all dumb. All of them. Might as well just let women do it.
0:30 - Coleman hits both FTs (I love you) then Indiana hits a three (not Jordan Hulls) to cut it to 73-71. Blood pressure rising.
0:29 - Hulls fouls Coleman who makes both free throws. That's on you, Hullsy.
0:17 - Zeller goes for the lay-up and Hollins's's fouls him. What. The. Fuck. Once he gets inside the three-point line just let him go. Good god. Talk to Uncle Lionel one of these days about making smart plays.
0:02 - Hollins makes two, Hulls passes to the wrong guy who misses, and Welch is at the line for two. Make one and we're looking at ball game and a very serious how the hell did that happen situation. Like when Pam Beasley got boobs all of a sudden.
0:01 - Did that mother fucker miss both? Of course he did. Jesus H christ Julian Welch makes Lebron look like Larry Bird with this clutch shit. He needs to be nowhere near the court in the last 3 minutes of any close game.
0:00 - Gophers win, . Perfect storm my friends. Gophers finally learned they need to attack the basket the same night Indiana stopped making jump shots. Not taking anything away from it, it was a great win for the home town team and a great feather in their cap, but I don't think we can start talking NCAA Tournament yet because they dug themselves such a huge hole, but wow. Just wow. I didn't remotely see this coming. If they play like this the rest of the way they can win a ton of games. Don't forget Indiana beat both Kentucky and Ohio State in this same building. I think I'll have more thoughts later or next week or tomorrow or something, need some time to fully process this. I can't remember being this stunned. They led this game pretty much wire-to-wire. Obviously they need to do a whole hell of a lot more, but this win saved the season.
I'm gonna go to bed. Joe Coleman is my hero.
Also suck it Sidler.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Gophers something something
This is where I said I'd write something, huh? Well I don't know, I'm not particularly feeling up to it but I'll give it a go as long as I'm watching this college football championship thingy anyway. I will preface this by saying I brought WonderbabyTM to the game, and although she was very well behaved (and even made it up on the scoreboard with uncle Snacks) I still had to keep her entertained from time to time so I did miss some plays here and there - and thank god for that. She also disappointed me by continuously telling me "I want to high five Goldy the Gopher" but that's not relevant right now.
So were do we start? How about with the defense, which was the absolute biggest problem with that shellacking Purdue put on the Gophers at home (AT HOME!). Yes, the same Purdue team that just lost 65-45 at Penn State just beat the Gophers 79-66 at Williams Arena in a game that wasn't remotely that close. I don't even know how to explain just how sad that is, but it was basically a complete defensive breakdown. The problems defending the three-pointer have been a running narrative of Gopher basketball since Tubby arrived so I'm not going to rehash that here except to say yeah, some of those threes were awfully tough shots (deep, quick trigger, etc.) but they were still made on the Gophers defense so you can't excuse it. Even worse, however, was the complete inability to stop penetration by Lewis Jackson.
Now, I do get that somebody that little doesn't make it in the Big 10 without being lightning quick and being able to handle himself in the paint so it's not surprising the Gopher guards struggled to stay in front of him, but I didn't figure he'd get to the paint every single time he felt like it. And what really bothered me was where the hell was the interior help? Lew Jack is 5-9 and even though he's one of my favorites in the Big 10 amongst opposing players even I can recognize there is no way in hell he 20 points on 8-11 shooting because he's a FUCKING TERRIBLE SHOOTER. Every time he got by the guard somebody needed to get in his way and either force him to shoot a pull-up or dish it somewhere else, you can't let him keep getting lay-ups because even girls can make lay-ups. At the very least if he's going to keep going at the rim somebody needs to put him on his ass at least once. Not maliciously, not flagrantly, and not by making a dirty play or anything but a good ole-fashioned hard foul. He's like 140 lbs. he's going to go flying if you just put a body into him hard. If only the Gophers had a 7-foot senior who could make such a play.
Yeah, that's right. Ralph Sampson may have just played his most worthless game ever. Not only was he invisible on defense to the point where a god damn child sized player was making lay-up after lay-up in his paint on his home court, but he was disinterested on the offensive end as well. He took three shots. Three god damn shots. He grabbed all of three rebounds. He was so worthless Tubby only played him 13 minutes which now qualifies as the only good call Tubby's made all year. It just baffles me. Your senior year, a game where you absolutely need a win or your last season in college will almost certainly go down as a failure, and a home game in front of a crowd that knows how badly this win is needed and would readily jump up behind you and you basically don't even leave the locker room. He gave the team absolutely nothing on either end.
Which brings us to this team's offensive issues, and despite a decent offensive effort against the Boilers this team is still in a lot of trouble. Basically it boils down to that they just aren't skilled enough. Rodney Williams is really the only one on this team with any kind of discernible skill, and it's "jumping." The rest of the team is basically interchangeable, and not in the "everybody is good and can do it all" kind of way Calipari's old Memphis teams or Huggins' WVU teams when they were good were built. Everybody is just mediocre at basically everything..
Really, even somebody as nondescript and Brian Cardinal-ish as D.J. Byrd has a skill that nobody on the Gophers can match in his shooting prowess. He's hitting 44% from three this year, and that five-for-five first half was enough to basically bury the Gophers. Can you see anybody on this team matching that first half at any point? I sure as hell can't. Nobody on this team is a good enough shooter to pull that off. And that goes for basically everything. Nobody is a great shooter. Nobody is a great ballhandler. Nobody is a great penetrator (although I can see Andre Hollins possibly getting there someday). Nobody is a great scorer (maybe Coleman in the future?). Nobody is a great passer or distributor or facilitator or whatever word you want to use, and outside of Williams nobody is a great athlete. Perhaps the worst part of this is how the three-pointer is such a huge and important weapon in the college game, as Purdue shoved down all our throats, and the Gophers not only don't have an elite shooter, I'm not even sure they have an average one. Oto Osenieks is the only chance they have but Tubby seems pretty freaking committed to keeping him on the bench. Much be reverse racism or something, I don't know.
So what to do? With this season basically lost at this point it's time to take the guys who have shown the aggressiveness and effort to deserve more time along with any flashes of ability because there isn't much here. Coleman did a nice job last night of being aggressive and trying to score and although he was only 4-13 shooting he did put up 13 shots. On a team where nearly everyone's first, second, and third instinct is to defer, that's valuable. Coleman needs to start the rest of the way.
I think Andre Hollins should be starting as well. No, it's not an ideal situation because he still has a tendency to get a little bit out of control and his decision making is sub-optimal most of the time he's still the best option for this team's future. He does lead the team in turnover percentage, but he's not much worse than Ahanmisi or Welch, and with every passing day Ahanmisi proves he's not a Big 10 caliber point guard (nice line last night: 0 pts, 3 asts, 2 tos). At this point in the season I still haven't figured out Welch. At times he looks like a brilliant floor leader, and other times he seems overwhelmed by the game (not surprising based on his history at UC-Davis and then JuCo). In any case, it's clear this team is more than one year away from contending for anything meaningful, so at best Welch is a stop gap. Giving him a lot of run in the back court will help take some of the pressure off Andre Hollins so I like keeping him in the lineup.
So that gives you Andre Hollins, Welch, and Coleman in the lineup, and obviously Rodney should be there too. Williams has really taken a step forward since Mbakwe went down and he was forced to play more in the paint, and he was a rare bright spot last night (19 points, 14 rebounds, and maybe most impressively 15 shot attempts). He's attacking the rim, going after every rebound with gusto, and even attempting to have some semblance of a mid-range game (it's not working that great so far, but I commend him for the effort). He's easily the team's best player, both in terms of overall potential and current ability, so there's really no reason why he should ever be off the floor. If he doesn't lead the team in minutes in every game the rest of the year Tubby should be fired immediately.
As far as a big guy in the lineup your guess is as good as mine. I never in a million years thought I'd say this but this team, and I, really miss Colton Iverson. You know damn well that he would've done something to at least make Lewis Jackson think twice about coming at the rim again, and even though I would never exactly call him skilled Elliott Elliason makes him look like Hakeem Olajuwon out there. It turns out he was a capable Big 10 big man, which is exactly what this team doesn't have any of. So I guess you continue to start Ralph and if it's a game where he decided to show up you give him plenty of run and if not you just go small (and Elliason gets his 10 minutes per game either way). I don't know. I give up.
The last guy worth mentioning is Chip Armelin, who I don't want in the starting lineup despite my thinking he's the team's second best player. I love his energy coming off the bench, plus if you take my starting lineup suggestion there is nobody in that second unit capable of scoring and so you need a guy like Chip with them to get the offense going. So I like him coming off the bench, but playing a ton of minutes.
So that's what you go with: Andre Hollins, Welch, Coleman, Williams, and Sampson (by default) with a healthy dose of Armelin. That group at least gives you a bunch of guys who are going to be aggressive, who are going to try to score rather than just pass the ball around the perimeter until the shot clock runs out. Hollins, Welch, Coleman, and Armelin can all penetrate, and although there isn't a great shooter in this group it's not like you're exactly leaving a great shooter out of the rotation or anything. Plus Austin Hollins is probably the best shooter outside of Osenieks on the team and he should be the second guy off the bench, and if you're going against a defense where you need his shooting you can just play him more. Simple.
I don't know. It's a lost season at this point anyway, but concentrating your playing time amongst those guys gives you some chances to be in games as well as giving a couple of guys who are probably your future plenty of chances to improve and develop. Or whatever. This all just sucks anyway.
So were do we start? How about with the defense, which was the absolute biggest problem with that shellacking Purdue put on the Gophers at home (AT HOME!). Yes, the same Purdue team that just lost 65-45 at Penn State just beat the Gophers 79-66 at Williams Arena in a game that wasn't remotely that close. I don't even know how to explain just how sad that is, but it was basically a complete defensive breakdown. The problems defending the three-pointer have been a running narrative of Gopher basketball since Tubby arrived so I'm not going to rehash that here except to say yeah, some of those threes were awfully tough shots (deep, quick trigger, etc.) but they were still made on the Gophers defense so you can't excuse it. Even worse, however, was the complete inability to stop penetration by Lewis Jackson.
Now, I do get that somebody that little doesn't make it in the Big 10 without being lightning quick and being able to handle himself in the paint so it's not surprising the Gopher guards struggled to stay in front of him, but I didn't figure he'd get to the paint every single time he felt like it. And what really bothered me was where the hell was the interior help? Lew Jack is 5-9 and even though he's one of my favorites in the Big 10 amongst opposing players even I can recognize there is no way in hell he 20 points on 8-11 shooting because he's a FUCKING TERRIBLE SHOOTER. Every time he got by the guard somebody needed to get in his way and either force him to shoot a pull-up or dish it somewhere else, you can't let him keep getting lay-ups because even girls can make lay-ups. At the very least if he's going to keep going at the rim somebody needs to put him on his ass at least once. Not maliciously, not flagrantly, and not by making a dirty play or anything but a good ole-fashioned hard foul. He's like 140 lbs. he's going to go flying if you just put a body into him hard. If only the Gophers had a 7-foot senior who could make such a play.
Yeah, that's right. Ralph Sampson may have just played his most worthless game ever. Not only was he invisible on defense to the point where a god damn child sized player was making lay-up after lay-up in his paint on his home court, but he was disinterested on the offensive end as well. He took three shots. Three god damn shots. He grabbed all of three rebounds. He was so worthless Tubby only played him 13 minutes which now qualifies as the only good call Tubby's made all year. It just baffles me. Your senior year, a game where you absolutely need a win or your last season in college will almost certainly go down as a failure, and a home game in front of a crowd that knows how badly this win is needed and would readily jump up behind you and you basically don't even leave the locker room. He gave the team absolutely nothing on either end.
Which brings us to this team's offensive issues, and despite a decent offensive effort against the Boilers this team is still in a lot of trouble. Basically it boils down to that they just aren't skilled enough. Rodney Williams is really the only one on this team with any kind of discernible skill, and it's "jumping." The rest of the team is basically interchangeable, and not in the "everybody is good and can do it all" kind of way Calipari's old Memphis teams or Huggins' WVU teams when they were good were built. Everybody is just mediocre at basically everything..
Really, even somebody as nondescript and Brian Cardinal-ish as D.J. Byrd has a skill that nobody on the Gophers can match in his shooting prowess. He's hitting 44% from three this year, and that five-for-five first half was enough to basically bury the Gophers. Can you see anybody on this team matching that first half at any point? I sure as hell can't. Nobody on this team is a good enough shooter to pull that off. And that goes for basically everything. Nobody is a great shooter. Nobody is a great ballhandler. Nobody is a great penetrator (although I can see Andre Hollins possibly getting there someday). Nobody is a great scorer (maybe Coleman in the future?). Nobody is a great passer or distributor or facilitator or whatever word you want to use, and outside of Williams nobody is a great athlete. Perhaps the worst part of this is how the three-pointer is such a huge and important weapon in the college game, as Purdue shoved down all our throats, and the Gophers not only don't have an elite shooter, I'm not even sure they have an average one. Oto Osenieks is the only chance they have but Tubby seems pretty freaking committed to keeping him on the bench. Much be reverse racism or something, I don't know.
So what to do? With this season basically lost at this point it's time to take the guys who have shown the aggressiveness and effort to deserve more time along with any flashes of ability because there isn't much here. Coleman did a nice job last night of being aggressive and trying to score and although he was only 4-13 shooting he did put up 13 shots. On a team where nearly everyone's first, second, and third instinct is to defer, that's valuable. Coleman needs to start the rest of the way.
I think Andre Hollins should be starting as well. No, it's not an ideal situation because he still has a tendency to get a little bit out of control and his decision making is sub-optimal most of the time he's still the best option for this team's future. He does lead the team in turnover percentage, but he's not much worse than Ahanmisi or Welch, and with every passing day Ahanmisi proves he's not a Big 10 caliber point guard (nice line last night: 0 pts, 3 asts, 2 tos). At this point in the season I still haven't figured out Welch. At times he looks like a brilliant floor leader, and other times he seems overwhelmed by the game (not surprising based on his history at UC-Davis and then JuCo). In any case, it's clear this team is more than one year away from contending for anything meaningful, so at best Welch is a stop gap. Giving him a lot of run in the back court will help take some of the pressure off Andre Hollins so I like keeping him in the lineup.
So that gives you Andre Hollins, Welch, and Coleman in the lineup, and obviously Rodney should be there too. Williams has really taken a step forward since Mbakwe went down and he was forced to play more in the paint, and he was a rare bright spot last night (19 points, 14 rebounds, and maybe most impressively 15 shot attempts). He's attacking the rim, going after every rebound with gusto, and even attempting to have some semblance of a mid-range game (it's not working that great so far, but I commend him for the effort). He's easily the team's best player, both in terms of overall potential and current ability, so there's really no reason why he should ever be off the floor. If he doesn't lead the team in minutes in every game the rest of the year Tubby should be fired immediately.
As far as a big guy in the lineup your guess is as good as mine. I never in a million years thought I'd say this but this team, and I, really miss Colton Iverson. You know damn well that he would've done something to at least make Lewis Jackson think twice about coming at the rim again, and even though I would never exactly call him skilled Elliott Elliason makes him look like Hakeem Olajuwon out there. It turns out he was a capable Big 10 big man, which is exactly what this team doesn't have any of. So I guess you continue to start Ralph and if it's a game where he decided to show up you give him plenty of run and if not you just go small (and Elliason gets his 10 minutes per game either way). I don't know. I give up.
The last guy worth mentioning is Chip Armelin, who I don't want in the starting lineup despite my thinking he's the team's second best player. I love his energy coming off the bench, plus if you take my starting lineup suggestion there is nobody in that second unit capable of scoring and so you need a guy like Chip with them to get the offense going. So I like him coming off the bench, but playing a ton of minutes.
So that's what you go with: Andre Hollins, Welch, Coleman, Williams, and Sampson (by default) with a healthy dose of Armelin. That group at least gives you a bunch of guys who are going to be aggressive, who are going to try to score rather than just pass the ball around the perimeter until the shot clock runs out. Hollins, Welch, Coleman, and Armelin can all penetrate, and although there isn't a great shooter in this group it's not like you're exactly leaving a great shooter out of the rotation or anything. Plus Austin Hollins is probably the best shooter outside of Osenieks on the team and he should be the second guy off the bench, and if you're going against a defense where you need his shooting you can just play him more. Simple.
I don't know. It's a lost season at this point anyway, but concentrating your playing time amongst those guys gives you some chances to be in games as well as giving a couple of guys who are probably your future plenty of chances to improve and develop. Or whatever. This all just sucks anyway.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Week in Review - 1/3/2012
I was considering doing a "Year in Review" post, like similar to the usual week in review but covering the whole year. But then I realized that would require me writing about things that happened like, months ago and years of heavy drinking and glue sniffing have made my memory really similar to that Memento guy and so I said eff it.
And really, other than highlighting an awesome guy and a sucky guy from the Gopher game on Sunday I don't really have much to say about the Gophers' two games this week (partially because I didn't watch most of the Illinois game.) They were expected to lose both games and did, while not embarrassing themselves in the process. What I'm really not sure what to think about are how the team has had chances to win both games and blew them both. If Julian Welch makes two free-throws, or even one, rather than missing the front end of a one-and-one in regulation against Illinois they probably win that game (certainly with two, maybe with one). If Welch makes an open lay-up in the first OT, they might win that game. If Rodney Williams knocks down a wide open three-pointer against Michigan we head to overtime. And if the team gets a good shot instead of a shot clock violation on their second-to-last possession, maybe the result is different (this one I blame on Tubby - nice playcall).
On the one hand, they were in both games and absolutely could have won either or both. On the other hand, they won neither and failed to capitalize on any of the opportunities that came their way. Since they weren't expected to win either game I'm going to choose to make no changes to my opinion of this team as a deeply flawed squad that has enough ability to be in the hunt for an NCAA bid as long as they make no mistakes (like losing to Iowa - suck it, Badgers) and win a game or two that they probably shouldn't. They had chances to steal two of those wins this week and whiffed. Hopefully they find a way to take advantage next time.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Ricky Rubio. Moral victories are for grandmas, sissies, and liberals so I'm really glad they beat the Mavs because I'd feel kind of weird talking up Rubio if the Wolves were sitting at 0-3, but I'd probably do it anyway because oh my god Ricky Rubio is so awesome he makes me crap my pants. Dude sees the court like a mofo. No, seriously, he's incredible. The way his head is always up and some of the angles and passes he sees are un-freaking-real. A lot of point guards can make a great pass hear and there, but I've seriously never seen anyone like this since Magic Johnson. Yeah, you heard me. Name another PG that sees the court the way Magic and Rubio did/do? Stockton? Every single assist he had was on a pick-and-roll and was the exact same pass (you can look it up). Paul? Please. Nash? Poor man's Rubio. He's just so good. We'll see about his defense and shooting in the future, but his passing is like whoa. Plus Ricky's even contagious because I saw Beasley pass up an open jumper to try to find a teammate for a lay-up against the Mavs. No, seriously it happened. Of course he turned it over by throwing it into traffic, but, like self-exploration, it's the thought that counts. [and then tonight, after I wrote this, they go and dominate the Spurs in a game they led wire-to-wire. Can you say playoffs? I'm seeing playoffs.]
2. Alamo Bowl. If you like stuff like defense and tackling you probably hated the Alamo Bowl and are also probably like 60 years old and drink sherry because that was freaking awesome. Baylor 67, Washington 56 in mother effing regulation are you kidding me? A bowl record for yardage, touchdowns, points, and "are you freaking kidding me" moments - how could you not love it? Baylor had three guys rush for over 100 yards, while Washington QB Keith Price waited until this bowl game to have the best game of his career, throwing for 438 yards and 4 TDs and rushing for three more scores. Fun fact: This was just Price's second career game with 300+ yards, second game with 4 TDs and no picks, and those 3 rushing TDs were the first 3 of his career - not his first 3 TD game, the first 3 rushing TDs ever. Just a crazy entertaining game in every way, and anything that gets cranky curmudgeons all up in arms whining about the days of leather helmets and 6-3 ball games ok in my book. Suck it, grandpa. Go listen to some Mellancamp.
3. Trey Burke. Son of a whore is this kid good. I don't even think I can blame the Gophers for this one because so much of what he did was just knocking down shots after creating space for himself. Obviously he's not going to shoot 8-11 from the floor very often, but his 46% from the field so far this year is pretty solid for somebody who takes as many mid-range jumpers as he does, particularly for a freshman, and his 76% free throw accuracy this year says he's probably going to be a very solid shooter who is just going to get better. Which depresses me immensely. You know where Burke was on Rivals Top 100 list? #142. You know where Andre Hollins and Joe Coleman were? #110 and #121. I like some of what I've seen from those two, but they are NO WHERE near Burke. God damn Beilein.
4. Spencer Hawes and Kyle Lowry. This is more representative of any player who is having a crazy good start to the NBA season but Hawes and Lowry stand out to me because Hawes is averaging 12.5 rebs per game so far and Lowry is leading the league with 11.5 assists per game. You know in a shortened season with basically no training camp you're going to see some weird things, and I suppose you could have seen Lowry coming, especially with Aaron Brooks out of the picture, but Hawes? Guy had the look of a career back-up and another big white stiff since he came out of Washington, and is suddenly shooting 68% from the floor after being a 47% career shooter with career highs in points and that massive jump in rebounds (career just 5.6 per game). Did he suddenly get it? Doubtful. It's not like he had anybody blocking his development, so I'm going with fluky fluke.
5. Indiana Hoosiers. How can I possibly leave them off after the beat Ohio State, which now means they've beat the #1 and #2 teams in the country this season (or that's what they were ranked when the Hoosiers beat them). What's most amazing to me is that it's basically the exact same team from the last couple of years when they were terrible. The only real change was the addition of Zeller, and although I'm really impressed with him (as documented somewhere within this stupid blog), he shouldn't be able to just suddenly make a terrible team good. Did Jordan Hulls and Verdell Jones suddenly become good? No, of course not. So I don't know. Maybe Zeller is that good. Maybe Tom Crean deserves a hell of a lot of credit. Maybe it's the whole Victor Oladipo thing. I don't know because I haven't watched Indiana yet this year, but I'm thinking I should probably want to do that.
WHO SUCKED
1. Ralph Sampson. Have you ever seen a big man more passive when he gets the ball on the block? It's like that center in that Simpsons episode about soccer - wing passes to center, center holds it, holds it, holds it. Every time just looking to pass, waiting for the double team. Almost hoping for that second defender like a chubby 17-year old girl staring at the phone just hoping that really cute boy will call (ok fine, chubby dude and cute girl and it was me, you happy now?). I looked at the box score for that Illinois game that I didn't really watch and saw Ralph had 19 shot attempts. 19! How is that even possible? What happened? That's a career high in shot attempts, the first time he's hit double figure attempts this year (you cannot make a big enough question mark/exclamation point combination for that one), and just the second time in his career he's topped 14 FGAs in a game. The last time? Last year against Illinois when he had 17 attempts. I'd say he must like the matchup against Illinois but their front line is completely different this year so you fucking figure it out. I give up on this mess. He now joins Voshon Lenard's senior year, Michael Bauer''s senior year, Rick Rickert, Adam Boone, and Antoine Broxsie on the most disappointing Gophers ever list.
2. Brock Lesnar. As you know if you pay a shockingly creepy amount of attention to the things I write you know that I used to be like way into boxing and am trying to get back into boxing and/or UFC or MMA or whatever you call it. Well I watched it again on Friday night and I saw some fairly entertaining undercards (Nate Ortiz omg hi 2 u) and then the main event happened and oh my Tebow. I wish we were having an actual conversation right now because I'd be all like "did you see that" and you'd either be like "yeah dude wtf" and we'd high five or you'd be like "no dude, what happened" and we'd high five. Basically Lesnar came out, clearly didn't want to be there, looked terrified like a little bunny, got kicked in the ribs, fell down, and instead of trying to get up he just covered his face with his hands either to cry or to try to block the 83 haymakers the other dude landed on his noggin before the ref mercifully ended the fight (maybe both). Then he quit the sport. It was, well, not very impressive to say the least.
3. Wisconsin Badgers. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. OMG. hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Iowa? You lost to Iowa at home? Oh my god so awesome. I knew the Badgers sucked this year. 3-28 from three. Awesome. And Iowa isn't even good at defending against the three-pointer. Nice offense, Bo Ryan. You know it's ok to drift inside the arc from time to time, right? So awesome.
4. Pitt Panthers. For whatever reason, behind Wisconsin, Iowa, and Duke on my most hated basketball schools list sits Pitt, so this pretty epic collapse they have going on is yet another loss, this time to Cincy, and this time at home. That loss follows an embarrassing home loss to Wagner and a road loss at dreadful Notre Dame. You may recall that Pitt started the year ranked 10th and won eleven of their first twelve games, so this is quite the slide. Turns out when you forget how to shoot, don't take care of the basketball, and play terrible defense you end up losing a bunch of games. Hell, at least the Gophers play defense (sort of).
5. Florida Gators. Since I consider Florida to be a legit sleeper to win the NCAA Tournament their loss earlier this week against Rutgers, one of the worst teams in the Big East, was a bit troubling. Both teams are pretty heavily backcourt dependent, so you'd think this would play right into the Gators' hands, but it wasn't meant to be. Although Florida's guards (Brad Beal, Kenny Boynton, Mike Rosario, and Erving Walker) scored a total of 55 points it came on just 18-53 shooting, they turned it over 15 times to just 10 assists, and they allowed Rutgers guards (also four dudes) to score 74 points on 31-57 shooting and they dished 15 assists to just 7 turnovers. I know they say Rutgers gym is a tough place for visiting teams to play (and I only remember that from way back when Quincy Douby was there and the team was decent), but this shakes my confidence in my sleeper team a little. On the other hand it's tough to believe all four of those guards will play poorly on the same night again. It would be like lightning striking twice, although if you ask that dude from The Great Outdoors that happens all the time.
I was gonna put something else here but it's really late and I'm still watching this damn Fiesta Bowl so I don't feel like it anymore.
And really, other than highlighting an awesome guy and a sucky guy from the Gopher game on Sunday I don't really have much to say about the Gophers' two games this week (partially because I didn't watch most of the Illinois game.) They were expected to lose both games and did, while not embarrassing themselves in the process. What I'm really not sure what to think about are how the team has had chances to win both games and blew them both. If Julian Welch makes two free-throws, or even one, rather than missing the front end of a one-and-one in regulation against Illinois they probably win that game (certainly with two, maybe with one). If Welch makes an open lay-up in the first OT, they might win that game. If Rodney Williams knocks down a wide open three-pointer against Michigan we head to overtime. And if the team gets a good shot instead of a shot clock violation on their second-to-last possession, maybe the result is different (this one I blame on Tubby - nice playcall).
On the one hand, they were in both games and absolutely could have won either or both. On the other hand, they won neither and failed to capitalize on any of the opportunities that came their way. Since they weren't expected to win either game I'm going to choose to make no changes to my opinion of this team as a deeply flawed squad that has enough ability to be in the hunt for an NCAA bid as long as they make no mistakes (like losing to Iowa - suck it, Badgers) and win a game or two that they probably shouldn't. They had chances to steal two of those wins this week and whiffed. Hopefully they find a way to take advantage next time.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Ricky Rubio. Moral victories are for grandmas, sissies, and liberals so I'm really glad they beat the Mavs because I'd feel kind of weird talking up Rubio if the Wolves were sitting at 0-3, but I'd probably do it anyway because oh my god Ricky Rubio is so awesome he makes me crap my pants. Dude sees the court like a mofo. No, seriously, he's incredible. The way his head is always up and some of the angles and passes he sees are un-freaking-real. A lot of point guards can make a great pass hear and there, but I've seriously never seen anyone like this since Magic Johnson. Yeah, you heard me. Name another PG that sees the court the way Magic and Rubio did/do? Stockton? Every single assist he had was on a pick-and-roll and was the exact same pass (you can look it up). Paul? Please. Nash? Poor man's Rubio. He's just so good. We'll see about his defense and shooting in the future, but his passing is like whoa. Plus Ricky's even contagious because I saw Beasley pass up an open jumper to try to find a teammate for a lay-up against the Mavs. No, seriously it happened. Of course he turned it over by throwing it into traffic, but, like self-exploration, it's the thought that counts. [and then tonight, after I wrote this, they go and dominate the Spurs in a game they led wire-to-wire. Can you say playoffs? I'm seeing playoffs.]
2. Alamo Bowl. If you like stuff like defense and tackling you probably hated the Alamo Bowl and are also probably like 60 years old and drink sherry because that was freaking awesome. Baylor 67, Washington 56 in mother effing regulation are you kidding me? A bowl record for yardage, touchdowns, points, and "are you freaking kidding me" moments - how could you not love it? Baylor had three guys rush for over 100 yards, while Washington QB Keith Price waited until this bowl game to have the best game of his career, throwing for 438 yards and 4 TDs and rushing for three more scores. Fun fact: This was just Price's second career game with 300+ yards, second game with 4 TDs and no picks, and those 3 rushing TDs were the first 3 of his career - not his first 3 TD game, the first 3 rushing TDs ever. Just a crazy entertaining game in every way, and anything that gets cranky curmudgeons all up in arms whining about the days of leather helmets and 6-3 ball games ok in my book. Suck it, grandpa. Go listen to some Mellancamp.
3. Trey Burke. Son of a whore is this kid good. I don't even think I can blame the Gophers for this one because so much of what he did was just knocking down shots after creating space for himself. Obviously he's not going to shoot 8-11 from the floor very often, but his 46% from the field so far this year is pretty solid for somebody who takes as many mid-range jumpers as he does, particularly for a freshman, and his 76% free throw accuracy this year says he's probably going to be a very solid shooter who is just going to get better. Which depresses me immensely. You know where Burke was on Rivals Top 100 list? #142. You know where Andre Hollins and Joe Coleman were? #110 and #121. I like some of what I've seen from those two, but they are NO WHERE near Burke. God damn Beilein.
4. Spencer Hawes and Kyle Lowry. This is more representative of any player who is having a crazy good start to the NBA season but Hawes and Lowry stand out to me because Hawes is averaging 12.5 rebs per game so far and Lowry is leading the league with 11.5 assists per game. You know in a shortened season with basically no training camp you're going to see some weird things, and I suppose you could have seen Lowry coming, especially with Aaron Brooks out of the picture, but Hawes? Guy had the look of a career back-up and another big white stiff since he came out of Washington, and is suddenly shooting 68% from the floor after being a 47% career shooter with career highs in points and that massive jump in rebounds (career just 5.6 per game). Did he suddenly get it? Doubtful. It's not like he had anybody blocking his development, so I'm going with fluky fluke.
5. Indiana Hoosiers. How can I possibly leave them off after the beat Ohio State, which now means they've beat the #1 and #2 teams in the country this season (or that's what they were ranked when the Hoosiers beat them). What's most amazing to me is that it's basically the exact same team from the last couple of years when they were terrible. The only real change was the addition of Zeller, and although I'm really impressed with him (as documented somewhere within this stupid blog), he shouldn't be able to just suddenly make a terrible team good. Did Jordan Hulls and Verdell Jones suddenly become good? No, of course not. So I don't know. Maybe Zeller is that good. Maybe Tom Crean deserves a hell of a lot of credit. Maybe it's the whole Victor Oladipo thing. I don't know because I haven't watched Indiana yet this year, but I'm thinking I should probably want to do that.
WHO SUCKED
1. Ralph Sampson. Have you ever seen a big man more passive when he gets the ball on the block? It's like that center in that Simpsons episode about soccer - wing passes to center, center holds it, holds it, holds it. Every time just looking to pass, waiting for the double team. Almost hoping for that second defender like a chubby 17-year old girl staring at the phone just hoping that really cute boy will call (ok fine, chubby dude and cute girl and it was me, you happy now?). I looked at the box score for that Illinois game that I didn't really watch and saw Ralph had 19 shot attempts. 19! How is that even possible? What happened? That's a career high in shot attempts, the first time he's hit double figure attempts this year (you cannot make a big enough question mark/exclamation point combination for that one), and just the second time in his career he's topped 14 FGAs in a game. The last time? Last year against Illinois when he had 17 attempts. I'd say he must like the matchup against Illinois but their front line is completely different this year so you fucking figure it out. I give up on this mess. He now joins Voshon Lenard's senior year, Michael Bauer''s senior year, Rick Rickert, Adam Boone, and Antoine Broxsie on the most disappointing Gophers ever list.
2. Brock Lesnar. As you know if you pay a shockingly creepy amount of attention to the things I write you know that I used to be like way into boxing and am trying to get back into boxing and/or UFC or MMA or whatever you call it. Well I watched it again on Friday night and I saw some fairly entertaining undercards (Nate Ortiz omg hi 2 u) and then the main event happened and oh my Tebow. I wish we were having an actual conversation right now because I'd be all like "did you see that" and you'd either be like "yeah dude wtf" and we'd high five or you'd be like "no dude, what happened" and we'd high five. Basically Lesnar came out, clearly didn't want to be there, looked terrified like a little bunny, got kicked in the ribs, fell down, and instead of trying to get up he just covered his face with his hands either to cry or to try to block the 83 haymakers the other dude landed on his noggin before the ref mercifully ended the fight (maybe both). Then he quit the sport. It was, well, not very impressive to say the least.
3. Wisconsin Badgers. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. OMG. hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Iowa? You lost to Iowa at home? Oh my god so awesome. I knew the Badgers sucked this year. 3-28 from three. Awesome. And Iowa isn't even good at defending against the three-pointer. Nice offense, Bo Ryan. You know it's ok to drift inside the arc from time to time, right? So awesome.
4. Pitt Panthers. For whatever reason, behind Wisconsin, Iowa, and Duke on my most hated basketball schools list sits Pitt, so this pretty epic collapse they have going on is yet another loss, this time to Cincy, and this time at home. That loss follows an embarrassing home loss to Wagner and a road loss at dreadful Notre Dame. You may recall that Pitt started the year ranked 10th and won eleven of their first twelve games, so this is quite the slide. Turns out when you forget how to shoot, don't take care of the basketball, and play terrible defense you end up losing a bunch of games. Hell, at least the Gophers play defense (sort of).
5. Florida Gators. Since I consider Florida to be a legit sleeper to win the NCAA Tournament their loss earlier this week against Rutgers, one of the worst teams in the Big East, was a bit troubling. Both teams are pretty heavily backcourt dependent, so you'd think this would play right into the Gators' hands, but it wasn't meant to be. Although Florida's guards (Brad Beal, Kenny Boynton, Mike Rosario, and Erving Walker) scored a total of 55 points it came on just 18-53 shooting, they turned it over 15 times to just 10 assists, and they allowed Rutgers guards (also four dudes) to score 74 points on 31-57 shooting and they dished 15 assists to just 7 turnovers. I know they say Rutgers gym is a tough place for visiting teams to play (and I only remember that from way back when Quincy Douby was there and the team was decent), but this shakes my confidence in my sleeper team a little. On the other hand it's tough to believe all four of those guards will play poorly on the same night again. It would be like lightning striking twice, although if you ask that dude from The Great Outdoors that happens all the time.
I was gonna put something else here but it's really late and I'm still watching this damn Fiesta Bowl so I don't feel like it anymore.
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