What should the Vikings Do in the NFL Draft?

The NFL draft begins Thursday night with the first round starting at 7pm on ESPN.  If you're an idiot like me, you still tune in to KFAN from time to time and you're hearing the bottom of the barrel when it comes to baseless speculation regarding who the Vikings may take in the first round.  Let's look at what local knobs are saying and maybe a couple of mock drafts and then talk about what the Vikings should do in the first.


Heard on KFAN and on USA Today Mock draft:  The Vikings should trade up for Tavon Austin

What is it with everyone's desire to immediately replace a piece they just lost?  We went through this before when the Vikings traded away Randy Moss to the Raiders and then drafted Troy Williamson because he was fast.  Even the wikipedia language indicates they needed to do this: "The Vikings needed a receiver with deep speed after trading Randy Moss to Oakland, drafting Williamson with the 7th overall pick in the 2005 NFL Draft."  Speaking of which, Troy is a free agent!

So, now since we traded away a shifty slot guy that can return kicks well so now we need to trade up and immediately fill that hole with Tavon Austin.  The USA Today mock has the Vikings jumping all of the way up to 6 noting that "the buzz has been growing for months" and that he's "not as thick as Harvin but offers a similar skill set".  Mel Kiper has Austin going #16 to the Rams and says he's "versatile" and can replace the loss of Danny Amendola.  The thing is, not every small guy that's a great returner turns into MVP-type-when-he-tries Percy Harvin.  Austin could end up being much more Dexter McCluster than Harvin.  In fact, that's what people should probably expect.  Not that McCluster is bad, he's a useful player that can do a lot of things and was taken #36 overall by the Chiefs.  I just don't think you should sell out your draft/future drafts by making a huge leap to get this guy.  The Vikings just have too many holes to fill to give up multiple picks to get Austin.  There are also a number of WR prospects that will be there that could be a fit anyway.  If he falls to the late teens and the price is right; sure, try and move up.  I mean, he did run a 4.34 and played every game at West Virginia despite his size.  Here's Todd McShay fawning over him (has him going #13):

Heard on KFAN, USA Today, Kiper and from everyone you talk to:  The Vikings should draft Manti Te'o

Everyone knows the Vikings need a MLB and despite it not being a super strong class for MLBs, many insist the Vikings will take Te'o in the first round with their #25 pick.  Manti would be most notable for being a Heisman trophy finalist if it wasn't for getting catfished by some dude.  Instead he's known for falling in love with a guy on the interwebs. 

In some ways this is understandable as MLB is a need and the Vikings have had some success with drafting Irish in Harrison Smith and Kyle Rudolph.  However, I'm unconvinced this is the right choice for a couple of reasons that go beyond him getting punked on the internet by some dude.  By most accounts Te'o is a run stopper in the middle and will rack up tackles, but isn't much of a playmaker.  He did make plays at Notre Dame including a whopping 7 INTs, but also has looked poor in big moments including the nationla championship and spraining his knee in the Sun Bowl in 2010.  As mentioned before, the Vikings have a ton of needs and in my opinion MLB is much easier to fill later or outside of the draft.  Players like Rey Malauga (Cincy), Michael Boley (Giants) and Nick Barnett (Bills) are free agency candidates.

Also, there are a bunch of decent, but not elite MLB options and Te'o is just one of them.  Kevin Minter (LSU), Alec Ogletree (GA) and Nico Johnson (Bama) are all possibilities.  Why not wait on MLB and get a lineman or secondary player as that seems to be the deeper?  Then there's the dreaded "Manti is only a two down player" argument.  I don't care about that as much if he's elite for those two downs, but with his speed and other problems, he doesn't seem to project to elite status.  Go to the 2:20 mark on this vid for Manti talk:

So what should they do?

First, I like grabbing a WR at either 23 or 25 assuming you're getting one of the top guys.  Landing Jennings was expensive, but somewhat necessary to stay competitive in the division.  Adding to Jennings with a quality prospect would be great.  Jarius Wright showed some flashes of being useful last year as well and could be a slot-type if necessary so you don't have to pigeon-hole yourself into getting the new slot guy.

Kiper has the Vikings taking Cordarrelle Patterson of Tennessee.  He was another multi-tool type of player as he had 300 yards rushing, nearly 800 receiving and was a return guy.  He has more size than Austin (nearly 6'2"), but is not as fast (4.48 vs 4.34).  However, he's quick and strong and seems to have some big upside. 

Cal Junior Keenan Allen is also 6'2" and runs in the 4.5 range.  He can get up and battle for balls downfield, but doesn't blow you away with raw speed. 

Justin Hunter is another Tennessee WR.  He's big (6'4") and he's a leaper. 

Roberts Woods of USC and Deandre Hopkins of Clemson are also considerations.

There are several options and hopefully the Vikings have a couple of these guys that they like.  I'd go Cordarrelle if I could though.  Check out this kick-ass sports science on all of the cool stuff he can do:

For the other pick I'd like to see them take the best available player...especially if it's a defensive lineman or someone in the secondary.  Generally, I have some faith in the current regime based on some of their recent selections.  Maybe they think taking a MLB in the first is a bad idea too.  Some players I'm interested in that may be there in the mid-20s are:

Sylvester Williams, DT UNC - Sly is going to be 25 during the season, which kind of sucks but he looks like a beast inside and has shown good ability to get into the backfield.  He's a guy that I've seen kind of all over from the teens to the end of the first round in mocks and I think that's at least partially due to the depth at the position.  Plus he has big thighs:

Geno Smith, QB WVU - JUST HEAR ME OUT!  It's a LOT cheaper these days to sign a QB in the first round thanks to the new salary slotting, so it's less of a blown gambit than say drafting Christian Ponder looks like it may have been.  The Vikings have Cassell in the fold now, so I doubt they go here, but if Geno is available at 23, they have to take a hard look at him.  Something called Anthony Sulla-Heffinger at the NYPost has the Vikings taking him at 23 and here's what he says in his blog-thing:

Smith has the tools to be successful in the NFL, but I think everyone is getting a little ahead of themselves on the West Virginia signal caller because of the success of Robert Griffin III and Cam Newton over the past two seasons. Smith has a tendency to shy away from the pocket when faced with pressure and while it is not as big of a deal as it once was, he played almost exclusively out of the shotgun while with the Mountaineers. Minnesota, which drafted Christian Ponder in the first round two years ago, certainly do not seem married to the idea of Ponder as their franchise QB, so if Smith is here, Minnesota will give him a long look. -Anthony Sulla-Heffinger

Bjoern Werner, DE FSU - 6'3", 266lb speed/power rusher that runs a 40 at the same speed as Manti Te'o.  A boatload of defensive lineman are free agents at the end of the year and could be out the door.

 Desmond Trufant, DB Washington - Trufant has two brothers in the NFL and he'll be the third.  At just hair under 6', he's got good size and great speed with a 4.38 40 time.  He'd be a great fit in the secondary.

Good luck to our Vikings tomorrow!

Guest Post: Vikings NFL Draft Preview

Thanks to a pretty successful season in 2012, the Vikings will have to wait until the #23 pick in the draft to take someone. To get over the hump in the their tough division, building through the draft is essential. So who are the three most likely candidates for them to take in the first round?

Alex Ogletree

The inside linebacker from Georgia was spectacular in college, and if he is still around, this should be their pick. The Vikings could use his presence at the linebacker position, and since he is coming out of the SEC, he should be ready to handle the speed of the NFL right away. Their might be a chance that the Vikings take Manti Te’o as well at this spot, but if both are available they will lean towards Ogletree.

Sylvester Williams

 If the team isn’t able to land the linebacker they are looking for, Sylvester Williams is a defensive tackle that could help Minnesota’s shaky defensive line right away. He would fit in great with the 4-3 formation the team uses. Some have him linked to Dallas at #18 overall, but if he slips the former Tar Heel will be strongly considered.

Cordarrelle Patterson

 Finally, everyone knows that the running game is in good shape, but the Vikings could use help at wide receiver. With no Percy Harvin in town, the Vikings really lack a true playmaker at wide receiver. He is much better after the catch right now, but if he can figure out how to improve his route running, he should be a solid pro and one to watch for your fantasy football leagues.

Tuesday Talkings

I know you're wondering if this blog is dead.  It's not, I promise.  I've just been really busy.  What with work, heading to the cabin, kids' stuff, and my wife currently reading 50 Shades of Grey, I just am having trouble finding time to blog anything.  And there isn't exactly any motivation either.  Look at the Twins.  They're terrible, and the Gophers don't play for like, 100 years.  I don't know.  But I haven't been following any sports too closely the last few days/weeks, so let me look around and see if I see anything interesting. And I better hurry too, because it looks like Mrs. W is cracking the book open again.

- Because right now I can't possibly summon the will to blog about the Twins but I know I should at least try to start with something local I suppose we could discuss the Vikings' NFL draft.  Obviously everyone knew Kalil was the guy the whole time and the Vikings did quite well to get three extra picks to move down a spot and still get their guy, especially because it turns out nobody else was remotely interested in moving down to that spot so suck it Cleveland.  That safety they moved up to get at the end of the second round sounds pretty cool too since I heard somebody say there were really only two good safeties and they moved up to get one of them.

As far as the draft after that I am willing to admit I don't have a clue and if you know a whole lot about the rest of who they picked you should be embarrassed.  Seriously, anybody who watched more than the first round of that garbage should be forced to take a class on not being a moron.  I bet you're the kind of guy who watched the 3-hour show on ESPN the day the NFL schedule was released.  Seriously you people and your football.  As Jessie Spano once said, "who wants to watch a bunch of barbarians kicking each other's butts"?  Ok I'm not quite there because I enjoy watching football, but the obsession in this country makes me realize why Nickelback and Olive Garden are so popular.  Oh, and blood sausage.  People like blood sausage.

Seriously, people are morons.  Why do you think they end up making money at the end of Field of Dreams?  Because people get in their cars and drive to Iowa without knowing why to pay money to stare at a ball field full of players they can't see?  Everyone always says the ending of that movie (wanna have a catch?) is so great but it just pisses me off.

-  NBA Playoffs are up and running and since that's the best time to watch the NBA I might as well comment, even though we're only a couple games into round 1.  And obviously it's super lame with the Dwight Howard fake back injury and the Derrick Rose ACL because the Heat are going to just waltz into the Finals.  You can try to talk yourself into the Celtics, especially if you're Bill Simmons, but it's looking like they're going to struggle to even get past the Hawks and I just don't see them mounting any serious challenge to the Heat, nor anyone else in the East.  Which I guess is good in a way, because what's better than rooting against a villain?  There's something very satisfying about watching LeBron make it to the finals again and lose.

Who will he be playing is the question?  Going into the playoffs I'd have said Oklahoma City and I don't see any reason to change that prediction.  I'm not ready to say they're ready to be the champs quite yet but going against the defending champs and winning a couple of close games is the way to get there, even if the defending champs don't have Tyson Chandler anymore who is a complete stud pimp.  But really I can see any team other than the Jazz ending up coming out of the West.

The Nuggets would probably be the least likely and it'll be tough for them to get past the Lakers, but Ty Lawson is all crazy good now all of a sudden and this late season emergence of Kenneth Faried make them interesting (and am I the only one who finds "Manimal" a little bit racist?  Anyone?  No?  Let me guess you think the gorillas in the barnyard weren't racist either.)   Every other team at least has a shot, and the Spurs have the #1 seed, a collection of second round picks, and are supposedly the favorite but that just seems weird because Tim Duncan is a hundred years old and kind of a poofer.  I almost feel like I'm going to have to root for the Lakers because I don't know who else can beat the Heat.  But what if the Heat played the Lakers?  Who would I root for?  It would be like choosing between my two kids.  Actually, do you have two kids under the age of 4?  Because I'm totally lying, it would be almost exactly like picking between my two kids.

-  I just did 36 push-ups.  Suck it.

-  Who grounds out to second base more than Mauer?  Nobody, that's who.  Is there a way to look this up?  I'd do it but I'm running out of time.

-  Seriously question though, do you think when Marky Mark goes home for like, Thanksgiving dinner he just teases the shit out of Donnie?  I mean really?  Rizzoli and Isles? Blue Bloods?  Zookeeper for fucks sake?  Those are the last three things on his imdb list.  When Marky makes a bad flick it's something like  Contrabrand (made $66 million) or Date Night ($98m) which at least makes money, and he's getting nominated for awards along the way.  Donnie was just in a TV movie with Brian Dennehy who I'm pretty sure is dead.  Really, I bet when they get together for Christmas everybody gets drunk and Mark starts wadding up and throwing hundred dollar bills at Donnie's head and at first Donnie wants to fight but then he realizes if he keeps sitting there and taking it eventually he's going to get his rent paid so he just takes it and then he ends up making Marky Mark a sandwich.

-  Gotta go

Wednesday Wonderings

A few quick, random thoughts while watching Francisco Liriano throw batting practice.

-  Apparently Peyton Hillis is the cover boy for the next Madden and even weirder, he ended up the cover boy by winning a tournament against a bunch of other players which fans voted on.  What?  How can Peyton freaking Hillis win a popularity contest?  The only people who would vote for Peyton Hillis are Browns fans, racists, people who won their fantasy league because of him, and racists who won their fantasy league because of them.  I can see him beating Mike Vick (the guy he beat in the finals) because some people love dogs a little too much (and some people hate black people), but winning a whole tournament?  I'm baffled.  The only tournament Hillis should win is a tournament of people I know the least about.

-  I know nobody pays attention the National League, but if you have you may have noticed that the Padres are possibly the worst offensive team in history - dead last in runs scored in the majors (just one less than the Twins - oy!) and last in runs per game.  Bad enough that Orlando Hudson is their number three hitter, and bad enough to have scored just 8 total runs in their last seven games.  It's a fantastic example of why wins are an awful way to measure a pitcher because Dustin Moseley has started five games and compiled an ERA of 1.99 (2nd in the NL) and a WHIP of 1.11 (14th) and yet he's 0-3.  That's because in his five starts the Padres have won 5-3 (and didn't win until the 13th inning), 2-1, 1-0, 4-0, and 2-0.  That's one run they've scored in the his last four starts.  I know idiots like Bert Blyleven will talk about pitching to the game situation, but there's a reason he's won the big stupid idiot of the year award seventeen times.  I assume.

-  Eric Hacker with back-to-back bases loaded walks.  That's not easy to do.  Good thing they signed him to a major league deal, especially since he hadn't pitched in the majors since 2009 and probably would have taken a minor league offer.  It's like if you're trying to lure a fatty into your van, you don't need to offer a t-bone steak because the fatty will climb on in for an Arby's junior roast beef.  It's just common sense.

-  Hold on to your panties, ladies, and hold on to your hearts, boys, because the third coming of Jesus is coming back on Tuesday.   Yep, Big Sexy, Evan Longoria has started re-habbing and is scheduled to join the team on Tuesday.  Although I'm sure his rehab isn't like normal people rehab.  Probably a lot more banging chicks.

-  Have you ever read Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne?  Let me save you some time:  don't.  I figured it would be at least entertaining because hey, it's got dinosaurs so what the hell.  But I'm 90% of the way through, other than a short Ichthyosaur vs. Plesiosaur (how sweet would that movie be) fight, and some Mastodons in the distance the dinosaurs have been non-existant.  So far it's basically been a cartoon character, a mute, and a whiny narrator wandering around in a cave.  Hell, there is more time spent on geology than dinosaurology.  Big disappointment so far.  Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World is infinitely better.

- Finally, the NFL draft is tomorrow, and although I usually make fun of people who take football too seriously and though the whole move to primetime last year was ridiculous, I ended up watching and actually enjoyed it.  I won't be watching this year, however, because I will be making my slow-pitch softball pitching debut (weather permitting).  Which probably means I will either walk 20 guys or end up with a broken face.  Maybe both.

NFL draft blog

I'm going to be paying halfway attention the the NFL draft tonight - only halfway because Mama W would kill me if I tried to make her watch the whole thing and also because I would end up bored out of my mind - so I figured I might as well put down some thoughts while I wait for the Vikes to make a terrible pick sometime after my bed time.

-  So far I've already heard the Donkey Kong Sue is a "great gap penetrator."  That was followed by me giggling for about twenty minutes.

-  We just had pick 5, safety Eric Berry to Kansas City.  I'm still on the channel and I heard him compared to Kenny Easley and Ronnie Lott in teh same sentence.  I think maybe everybody should calm down.

-  Are the Twins ever going to sweep?  Yeah, yeah, it's early and all that jazz, but this lack of a killer instinct popping up already isn't exactly my most favorite thing ever (that would either be Spicy Garlic wings from BW3 or Audrina Patridge.  No wait, my daughter.  I meant my daughter).  That's the third time now they've won the first two games of a series and then lost the third one with the opportunity to sweep, and I know I'm not the only one who noticed because I got an email from Snacks about it and I heard Barreiro talking about it on the radio.  Also that's four straight games where Rauch hasn't picked up a save.  How is he supposed to beat the record (is it K-Rod's now, or still Thigpen?) at this pace?  And how is he supposed to win us our fantasy league as the SOD?  I'm very irritated with the hometown 9 right now.

-  I did get to check out Target Field earlier this week, however, and I can say that all the praise you've been hearing is accurate, and might even be underselling it.  It's a great, great place to watch a ballgame, there's great food and plenty of places to get it, and there are bars and booze kiosks everywhere.  Honestly, my first reaction is that it is PERFECT.  They could have just given us any old outdoor park and people would sing its praises, but they really nailed it.  I could easily just live there happily.

-  I'm not exactly sure why people are talking about the Vikings getting Claussen at pick 30.  If he does start to slide into the 20s, some team with an early second rounder is going to trade up to leap frog the Vikes and get him.  I'm not even sure I really want him.  Not sure about Tebow either.  I think Snacks summed it up pretty well in this email he sent me earlier today,  

"I don’t know that I would be that much more excited about Claussen than I would about Tebow though.  I don’t think Claussen’s a sure thing.  Plus the newest reports all talk about his giant ego and other makeup issues (so he’s basically the anti-Tebow:  less doubt about ability and more doubt about makeup – this might be the first time I’m favoring the guy with the better makeup over the guy with the arguably better talent in my life.  Although I read something about Tebow being a virgin and that’s just silly.  I judge him negatively for that and view it as a character flaw.)"

Makes a lot of sense.

-  Naturally, the Raiders have to go off the board.  I won't pretend to know anything about the guy they took, but I know from reading that he was more of a mid-late teens kind of guy according to most of mock drafts and all that I looked at.  Which amounted to one.

-  Spiller to the Bills, huh?  Interesting.  I've heard two different scouting reports, one of which called him the next Chris Johnson, the other which said he's more of a Reggie Bush.  I don't think you can get much more separation than that.  That's like if you're out of town and the concierge tells you he can send a girl up to your room, and she'll either remind you of Megan Fox or Tony Siragusa.

-  If you're a big enough nerd, you might have heard that Marquis Teague, a class of 2011 point guard who is ranked as the #2 overall prospect by Rivals, committed to Kentucky today.  That shouldn't be a huge surprise given that he's the top point guard for the class and Calipari has a pretty good legacy (Derrick Rose, Tyreke Evans, John Wall, Brandon Knight) so it's practically a tradition, but one guy who is really seeing things suddenly fall apart is Rick Pitino.  Teague's father played for Pitino a long time ago, Pitino had been recruiting Teague two solid years before Calipari came into the picture, Pitino hired Teague's high school coach as an assistant, and Teague was essentially all but committed to play at Louisville last summer.  Combine this loss with top 10 recruit Michael Chandler's decision to de-commit from the Ville and the loss of Jeremy Tyler to play overseas last year after having committed to play for Pitino, not to mention all the personal crap going on, and it feels like Pitino is taking the program down.  Down, down, down.   

-  Chargers trade up to take Ryan Mathews out of Fresno and no relation to Cory.  I predict he will be the first pick in many, many fantasy keeper leagues this year.  Welcome to Bustville.  Population = you.

-  This is a lot more entertaining that I remember the draft being in the past.  When Mama W gets home and makes me change the channel I'm actually going to be kind of bummed out.  Oh well.  Booze always kills those feelings of sadness.  That Nic Cage guy had it right in that Las Vegas movie.

-  So the NCAA Tournament is expanding to 68 teams, which I think is awesome if they don't make the four play-in games between the 8 worst teams, thus essentially eliminating four conferences from the "real" tournament right away.  They need to make the play-in games between the last 8 at-large teams in order to grab the four twelve seeds.  They could make a whole day of it, one game each at like noon, 3, 6, and 9pm and call it Bubble Tuesday^TM. That's got a magical ring to it. I'm glad I thought of it and came up with it all on my own and Bogart didn't come up with this idea five years ago at all, no matter what he tells you.  Remember, all lawyers are liars.  Just watch Liar Liar.

-  I'M JOSE CANSECOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-  Good god is New York State of Mind or whatever it's called overplayed at every single sporting event that has anything remotely related to New York.  It's gotten to the point where it's almost as irritating as the wave or Chris Berman.

-  Mort, who is starting to look suspiciously like a cross of John Madden and Pat Summerall, tells us that if the 49ers don't take Claussen at 17 he's going to fall to the end of the first round.  I can see Arizona taking him at #26, but other than that if he doesn't go at 16 to Tennessee (he will) or the 9ers at 17 there's nobody else who needs a QB.  But again, it's almost certain somebody would trade up to jump the Vikes to get him.  I'm now dreading the almost certainty that they're going to draft Tebow, although I'm strangely titillated at the thought as well.

-  Derrick Morgan is also the name of a character on the pretty good CBS show Criminal Minds.  Good show.  When Inigo Montoya left I thought it was going to go downhill, but the Voice of Fat Tony has been even better.  Plus, both A.J. Cook and Paget Brewster?  Rawr.

-  Claussen officially slips past the 49ers.  Let the games begin.  I'm finding myself hoping he slips all the way down to the Vikings.  Who knew?

-  They just showed a trailer for a movie called "The Losers."  I missed most of it, but I'm assuming it's about the readers of this blog.  Zing.

-  The talking heads on ESPN want us to know that this is the year the Texans finally break through.  Yep, for the fourth year in a row, THIS is the Texans year.

-  Interesting.  They sent a reporter to the house of each of the three borderline first-round QBs:  Erin Andrews to Jimmy Claussen's house, some other nubile young blond to Colt McCoy's house, and Jeremy Schapp to Tebow's house.  I wonder if they planned to send a chick to all three, but when the girl got to Tebow's house he was like "Begone foul temptress!  The sight of thine flesh offends God, and brings a plague of demons uponest the earth!  Thou art banished from my home!  Go forth and pray for forgiveness, vile strumpet, for the stain of the devil's sin is upon your bosom!"

-  Denver takes Demaryius Thomas over Dez Bryant because they are so afraid of a little attitude from their wideouts since they had to ship out Brandon Marshall.  Seriously, you need swagger from your receivers if you want them to be good.  Name one good receiver who wasn't cocky?  You kind of want to say Marvin Harrison, but then you have to remember he shot a bunch of holes in people with a fat-ass handgun, so you can't really go there, can you?  Case closed.

-  This is really going to suck if the Packers take Dez Bryant here.

-  Good.  This Beluga kid was a possible top 10 pick so it sucks the Pack got a steal, but I really didn't want them to get Bryant.  Remember how Randy Moss lit up the Pack his rookie year?  It would have been the same thing.

-  Mountain Dew or Crab Juice?

-  Dez to the Cowboys.  This is either an absolutely perfect match or it's going to be a complete and total disaster.  There is no in-between.  You hear me?  There is no in-between.  Honestly, what a great pick.  This is going to go down with the Vikes' pick of Moss as one of the great first round steals of all-time.  I love this guy.  I think his downside is Chad Johnson.  Yes, downside.  Which means his upside is Jesus.

-  Tebow to Denver?  How odd.  I mean, it's clear to anybody with a brain that Orton isn't exactly the answer, but didn't they just trade for Brady Quinn?  What, exactly, are they doing?  I kind of feel like that McDaniels guy thinks he's a lot smarter than he really is.  Like he's trying to be all creative and innovative and live up to Bill Belichick's example, but this feels like a waste of a pick to me.  Maybe they'll make him a fullback.

-  Some nerd is interviewing Tebow right now and I desperately wish I was watching the actual TV coverage instead of a silent internet feed, but instead we are now watching the Office so I can't complain.  And Pam or Erin has become a legitimate question at this point.  I think I secretly wished the Vikings got Tebow.  My god, the jokes.  God I hope the Vikings draft a super religious virgin.

-  Holy crap this god interview is going on forever.  I wonder god what Tegod is saying?  I wonder if he god referenced god at all, or if it was god about football questions about god adn how he thinks he can god make an impact on the god field as a god quarterback god god.

-  Arizona takes a non-Claussen, which means there are three picks before the Vikes and Claussen is on the board and I'm officially really hoping he ends up a Viking.  Seriously, he could have been a top 10 pick and they can get him at 30?  And he lines up to take over for Favre perfectly.  I really hope this happens.

-  Damn, the Pats have this pick, and they're the kings of trading down, so I fully expect somebody to jump up grab Claussen right here.

-  Nope, they keep it and take somebody something.  Neither Miami or the Jets need a QB, so it's either a trade or they got a shot at Claussen.  They have to take him, don't they?  The guy could have been a top 10 pick and nobody would have batted an eye, and now he can be had at 30?  And it's a position of need?  God, they have to do it, right?  This would be a steal.  I'm actually excited.

-  By the way, how much did Tebow and all his ding-dong friends look like they belonged on Jersey Shore?  But with more bibles and probably more working out.  And also likely more suppressed longingly gay looks.

I'm going to miss the jokes so much.

-  Miami and the Jets both pass on Claussen, so he's just sitting there for the Vikings.  They better take him.  There is zero reason not to.

-  And they trade the pick to the Lions.  That's super boring, although I guess it makes tomorrow more interesting.  Oh, and with that I'm bored and going to stop typing.

NFL Draft

I don't really have anything to say about the draft tonight, other than I'm already sick of the overcoverage and I hope the Vikings don't pick Tebow.  Instead, I'm just going to link you to a mock draft I did last year that got a pretty good response.  If you haven't read it, it's new to you.

2009 NFL Mock Draft:  Video game style

DWG: NFL Mock Draft

Hey, everybody else is doing mock drafts. I figured I might as well take my limited knowledge of the NFL and give it a shot as well.


1. Detroit Lions - QB Eagles, Super Tecmo Bowl.
It's not secret the Lions are lacking playmakers outside of Calvin Johnson, so why not go with maybe the best playmaker of all-time in QB Eagles? He can throw it over 100 yards on the run and hit his receiver in-stride (just ask Freddy Barnett), or he can tuck it down and break a long one on any play. Even with that supporting cast 4,000 yards passing and 2,000 rushing isn't out of the question.

2. St. Louis Rams - OT Walter Jones, Madden.
Everything I've read, which amounts to one article on ESPN, says that offensive line is a massive weakness here, especially with Orlando Pace gone. Why not take the best offensive lineman in Madden history? This guy was ranked a 99 for like ten straight years, and you could pick him in a fantasy draft and ignore the rest of your line, then just call a HB Dive over his right shoulder and bust off a big gainer. Look for Steven Jackson to be a super stud this year running behind Jones.

3. Kansas City Chiefs - RB Bo Jackson, Super Tecmo Bowl.
The Chiefs get lucky with the top talent on the board falling to number three. With Larry Johnson dead or released or injured or maybe still there but all broken down (I don't really remember) Bo injects some new life while opening things up for Thigpen and Dwayne Bowe. Plus, the Royals are always in need of another power-hitting outfielder.

4. Seattle Seahawks - RB Barry Sanders, Madden.
Another team looking for a RB and playmaker, Barry is a nice consolation prize after just missing out on Bo. Barry was a stud throughout his lifetime, but specifically in one of the earlier Maddens, where his spin move didn't just shake a defender, it also would carry him an automatic five extra yards forward. I'm pretty sure just that spin move would be the longest run Mo Morris or TJ Duckett managed for the Hawks last year.

5. Cleveland Browns - OLB Lawrence Taylor, Tecmo Bowl.
One of the worst defenses in the league, and maybe history, gets a huge boost with one man coke-snorting wrecking crew LT coming into the fold at the height of his coke binge. Who else could block the extra point every time, or blow up just about any play? Single-handedly won many a Tecmo game, because that offense was terrible.

6. Cincinnati Bengals - S Ronnie Lott, Tecmo.
Historically, safeties don't go this early. But historically, safeties don't wreck as much shit as Ronnie Lott did, both on Tecmo and Super Tecmo bowl. If he gets EXCELLENT status, look the hell out because your running back won't even get the chance to get into a little tussle to try to break the tackle, you're going straight down. And go ahead and try and put the ball in the air anywhere near him, he's coming down with it. For a shitty defensive team like the Bengals, this guy is gold.

7. Oakland Raiders - WR Randy Moss, NCAA Football.
You know Oakland likes to make a splash, and Moss is perfect for them - at least this version of Moss. Not the Madden one, but the one who played for Marshall on NCAA football. Completely unstoppable, send him deep and he'd usually have ten yards on the DB by the time the ball got there. Plus, let him return punts and he can just run from side to side, never advancing but never getting tackled. Imagine how well that would work if you force the other team to punt down seven with five minutes left. BALLGAME.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars - WR Jerry Rice, Tecmo Bowl.
A team in desperate need of a wideout even after signing Torry Holt earlier this week, Rice fits in perfectly. All you have to do is send him on a crossing route, and if the other team happens to have guessed your play, you can still hit him over the middle for eight yards. Eight yards over and over again will eventually equal a TD, so now the Jags just got unstoppable. Could have gone over Moss, but go ahead and look at that picture. F you, Jerry. F You for what you have become.

9. Green Bay Packers - DE/OLB Alfred Williams, Bill Walsh College Football.
My ESPN article says the Pack needs a DE/OLB type hybrid, and nobody fits the bill better than Alfred Williams from '90 Colorado on Bill Walsh. Williams played DE on that game, and if you slid him outside the tackle a couple of steps there wasn't a single O-Lineman who could get out there and block him, since his speed was on par with a RB. In fact, he was so fast that he could often recover an onside kick IN THE AIR. No kidding. One of only two guys on the game who could. Talk about an unstoppable weapon.

10. San Francisco 49ers - QB Daunte Culpepper, NCAA Football.
One of the worst offenses in the league gets a whole lot better with a dynamic QB under center. Culpepper, the one from NCAA and Central Florida, was one of the most unstoppable characters in history. A slightly more realistic version of QB Eagles, nonetheless he could run around in the pocket and never be caught, giving his receivers time to run around and get open. He then could, of course, throw the ball right on the nuts, even though he was sprinting around and half the time had his back turned. He makes Frank Gore obsolete however, so look for a trade.

11. Buffalo Bills - DT Jerry Ball, Super Tecmo Bowl.
Buffalo needs some serious help for a horrible, horrible defensive line, and Jerry Ball fits the bill. The originator of the only play ever to completely make teams change playbooks, on certain plays (usually out of the pro set) Ball could dive immediately after the snap, going right between the center and guard, and sliding six yards into the backfield to either sack the QB or take down the RB right after the handoff. Truly a game-changer.

12. Denver Broncos - QB Michael Vick, Madden.
With Cutler gone, you don't want to turn the keys over to Orton because that has disaster written all over it. Instead, go with the guy who made 8,000 people quit in the middle of online Madden games. Seriously, if you went online to play, I swear 90% of players were using the Falcons and Vick, whose pass and run combination was only behind QB Eagles and the NCAA version of Culpepper in terms of completely devastating and demoralizing an opponent. Plus, Denver doesn't have any running backs either, so this makes sense to both give them a passer (which he was on the game for some inexplicable reason) and a running threat.

13. Washington Redskins - CB Chris McAlister, Madden.
I believe the Redskins are currently starting Fred Smoot at corner (Fred Smoot!) which makes picking up a corner here a no-brainer. You can't do much better than McAlister, who used to sit in that cover two and just wait for your opponent to throw the out route, and even if the receiver was ten yards passed him he always managed to leap up and grab it. The way Madden set it up, after the pick it was always smooth and wide open sailing for a McAlister TD. It got so bad at one point I actually felt bad for the computer. Until the next time it cheated.

14. New Orleans Saints - RB Christian Okoye, Tecmo Super Bowl.
Saints fans sick of the commitment to third-down-back-at-best-should-be-a-WR Reggie Bush can rejoice, as NO finally gets the manly running back they deserve in the Nigerian Nightmare. Seriously, remember when Okoye was EXCELLENT and instead of going for the endzone you'd just look for little bitch defenders to send bouncing? It didn't get much better than that, my friends. And it's ok that he can't catch, since it's pretty much the only thing Bush can do well. It's kind of like Thunder and Lightning, but more like Thunder and low-wattage Light Bulb.

15. Houston Texans - OL Indianapolis Colts, Madden 2009.
I know you're generally not allowed to draft an entire unit, but since the Texans have given up more sacks in their history than any other franchise, I'm going to go ahead and allow it. Usually on Madden, if you need to blitz you go ahead and use Engage Eight, which sends eight of your guys at the QB, is unblockable, and the only way you get burned is if your opponent sees it and hits somebody on a quick hitter. Not the Colts. Somehow their five guys can block eight guys, and Manning sits back and has his pick of five receivers vs. three DBs. That should help out Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson quite a bit.

16. San Diego Chargers - OT Willie Roaf, Madden.
Similar to Walter Jones way up there, Roaf was rated a 99 for a whole lot of years, and generally just overwhelmed the left side of the line. I just so happened to once team up LT and Roaf in a Madden draft, and LT proceeded to rush for over 2,500 yards that season. So, there you go.

17. New York Jets - RB/LB/DT/TE The Troll, Jerry Glanville's Pigskin Footbrawl.
The Jets need a little bit of everything, and The Troll does a little bit of everything. Unstoppable with the ball, he can get the Jets offense going as he's pretty much an Okoye/Bo Jackson cross if their abilities were squared, and on defense he can rip the arms off an offensive lineman and beat the QB to death with them. I mean come on, not even axes and swords can stop this guy. Truly a steal at #17. Look at this beast:

18. Denver Broncos - DE Hugh Green, Bill Walsh.
Didn't Denver just pick? Well, they got their QB and now it's time to work on the D-Line. Green played for Pitt on Bill Walsh College Football, and everything written above about Alfred Williams applies to him as well, except he pretty much guarantees you a recovered onside kick. Denver could be winning games without the other team every touching the ball.

19. Tampa Bay Bucs - TE Marv Cook, Tecmo Super Bowl.
Tampa has a lot of needs, but there's no way this guy can slip any further, and his pass-catching ability will compliment the dropsies of Michael Clayton (not the crappy movie) and Antonio Bryant well. Nobody was better at finding the cushion of a zone. No matter how late you got in the Tecmo season, Cook could always get open. Even with the noodle-armed Steve Grogan running the QB show for the Pats, he set the all-time record for catches in a season. Really just a solid, solid pick here for the Bucs.

20. Detroit Lions - OT Billy Bob, West Canaan Coyotes.
Not technically a video game character, the Lions now need someone to protect their investment in QB Eagles, and since I can only come up with two dominant video game linemen (Jones & Roaf), I have to think outside the box a bit here. But who wouldn't want Billy Bob? Pre-concussion, he was a dominant force, able to block two players at once and pancaking both of them and helping lead Lance Harbor to back-to-back All-Texas berths and West Canaan to two state titles. After his concussion he went through a rough patch, giving up the sack that ended Harbor's career and battling his own demons of alcoholism and depression, he could have become the next Tony Mandarich. Instead, he reached down within himself and became once again what he once was, as well as showing the tantalizing ability to run with the ball, making him not only an A+ offensive lineman and a tough, gritty, gutty human being, but also a stellar goalline fullback as well. Who could be better?

21. Philadelphia Eagles - RB Charles White, Bill Walsh.
Poor widdle Brian Westbrook can't ever stay healthy for a full season, and really needs a quality dude to split time with. Enter his perfect compliment, 1979 Heisman Trophy winner from USC and Bill Walsh stud Charles White. Now, White could never hold down a full-time gig, because he gets too tuckered. You see, on his first rush of the half, every single game, White was so fast he couldn't be caught, and if he was caught his spin move would send the defender flying further than Sonic with the badniks. But that was it. One guaranteed TD per half, and then he was spent and worthless, so much so that you pretty much had to pull him for that slacker Marcus Allen. Still though, since he'll only have to split time with Westbrook, this makes a lot of sense.

22. Minnesota Vikings - QB Beau Morgan, NCAA.
The defense is fine, but the offense needs some serious work. Strengths = good o-line, good TE, good fullback, and two good running backs. Weaknesses = no receivers, bad QBs. Solution = wishbone, baby. And nobody ever ran it better than Air Force Beau Morgan on NCAA football. You scoff. You laugh. You say, "You can't run the wishbone in the NFL." But you're wrong. Did you notice how this "wildcat" offense really caught on? The wishbone is the next wildcat, and it all starts with the Vikes and Morgan, AP, Chuck Taylor, and whoever that fullback is.

23. New England Patriots - QB Brian Brohm, Madden 2009.
You know who always finds the diamonds in the rough? Belicheck and the Patriots. And before you question why Brohm is a diamond in the rough, keep in mind that I'm talking about Madden 2009 Brohm, not the one who played for Louisville. The reason why he belongs on the Pats is that he might not have the prettiest ratings, but he's a winner. I saw Bogart draft Brohmy in a fantasy draft on 2009, and he went ahead and took that team to the conference championship in his first year and I foresee great things in his future. And Belicheck wants to be along for the ride.

24. Atlanta Falcons - DT Dan Saleumua, Tecmo Super Bowl.
What Jerry Ball created (nose tackle cheater dive play), Dan Saleumua perfected. He's much faster than Ball, and can usually get to the QB before he can even handoff on the right plays. The other bonus about Samoan Dan is his propensity to cause fumbles. Even better, when he recovers them, he inexplicably runs faster than any other player at any position on any team ever in history, and is completely uncatchable. Seriously, if you take KC for a season you are pretty much guaranteed to have this guy hit for six. Plus, jesus, look at this effing guy.

25. Miami Dolphins - S David Fulcher, Tecmo Super Bowl.
The only other DB behind Lott who can make any ballcarrier, even Okoye, go down with a touch when in EXCELLENT mode, Fulcher will dramatically upgrade a Dolphin secondary in dire need of a playmaker. This quote from Wikipedia says the rest better than I ever could, "Fulcher lives on in the minds of Bengals fans, and through the popular video game Tecmo Super Bowl, where his speed and incredible hitting power continue to devastate unsuspecting wide receivers." Holla.


26. Baltimore Ravens - RB Thurman Thomas, Tecmo Super Bowl.
A team in desperate need of a playmaker, and has been for like, twenty years, the Ravens find themselves very smiley when they announce their pick of Thurman Thomas. Basically Roger Craig 2.0 (but faster), Thomas can kill you through the air and the ground. The biggest threat on Tecmo Super Bowl to go for the coveted 1,000/1,000 mark, Thomas will likely touch the ball on 90%+ of offensive plays the Ravens run.

27. Indianapolis Colts - DT Charles Grant, Madden.
This guy doesn't necessarily have the instant name recognition and memory recall that most of the others have, but trust me when I tell you that he dominated Madden in the early OOs. Grant was the kind of guy who, at least whenever my friend 2P drafted him, dominated no matter the scenario. Whether the games were simulated, or he played but didn't control Grant, or even if he controlled Grant, it didn't matter - the dude killed. It sucked double because 2P sucked at Madden, but Grant really helped him out - as he will the Colts.

28. Buffalo Bills - TE Cap Boso, Tecmo Bowl.
With Terrell Owens now on board, that's going to open up a lot of room in the middle - and we know Lee Evans isn't going anywhere near it - so that makes a nice TE like Boso a perfect pick for the Bills. He's not exactly going to stretch the field in any way, but if you ever played against Chicago on Tecmo Bowl you know that no matter what, even if you guess the play, you can hit Boso over the middle on a slant every single time. With a shitty QB like Trent Edwards, you really need reliability like that.

29. New York Giants - MLB Ray Lewis, Madden.
As good as Lewis was in real life - at linebackering, not at killing people - he was even better in Madden. For a solid nine year stretch or so there, he had the speed of a WR and the strength of an offensive lineman, to go along with the intelligence that only comes from a CPU who already knows the play you picked. It sucked hard going up against this guy. Your only chance was to hope the dude you were playing would switch to him, because you can always juke the manual control, but you can never juke a CPU controlled Ray Lewis.

30. Tennessee Titans - WR Haywood Jeffires, Tecmo Super Bowl.
In reality, I'd probably want a QB if I'm here, because the Titans' choices right now are either captain shitty or professor old man, but I can't think of another QB who really stood out, so I'm going to go with another position they need - wideout. Now, the Oilers were loaded with talent at WR, and Drew Hill had better ratings, and Ernest Givens has more name recognition, but Jeffires was the true killer in Tecmo world. Nobody came down with more jump balls than Haywood. Pretty much anytime you needed to, just call the play where everybody goes deep, drop back as far as you can, and chuck it up to Jeffires - he'd come down with it more often than not. Since Kerry Cocktail can't throw it deeper than 30, this might be Bogart's guy Vince Young's last chance to shine.

31. Arizona Cardinals - RB Neal Anderson, Tecmo Super Bowl.
With Edge old and all weird, and nobody really ready to take up the mantle, most certainly not JJ Arrington, so the best RB left makes a nice pick in Neal from the Bears. He was always good no matter what, but when he hit EXCELLENT status he made Bo Jackson look like Merrill Hoge. He can also catch the ball, which makes him a nice fit for the pass happy Cards, but I can't help wondering how he's going to fare without his boyfriend Brad Muster along to help anymore.

32. Pittsburgh Steelers - CB Marcus Trufant, Madden.
I team with no major weaknesses, the Steelers get better by adding one of the great CBs in video game history in Trufant. I know there are guys with better rankings, and guys who are more well known, but I have never in my video game life seen a guy shut down a side of a field more completely than Trufant. Seriously, the last time I played against him I knew how the coaches that go up against Champ Bailey feel. Of course, the other side was like throwing against Fred Smoot, but that's not really the point.


So there you have it. The first ever NFL Mock Draft I've ever done. I'm sure I missed one or two people who could have made it, and I'm sure you will all let me know, but overall I'm pretty satisfied with the results. I mean come on! Who wouldn't want to see the wishbone? And a troll for god sakes! A Troll!!!!!!!!!