1. Dez Bryant is going to be a monster. Seriously. Physically he's one of the most gifted wideouts in the league. Everybody knows most WRs breakout in their third season, and his first two years (45/561/6 and 63/928/9) point two a guy who is figuring it out (on the field, at least). Dude may be a mess at times, but assuming he doesn't do something stupid like bringing a pound of weed through airport security or beating up a fan for making mom jokes and getting suspended he's going to be huge. I'm talking 90/1,400/12 this year. Of course, Tony Romo completely sucks donkey balls so it's possible he's too scared to throw it down field and just dinks it to Miles Austin and those TEs all the time, in which case I'd put the odds at 50/50 of Bryant blowing up Romo's car.
2. Ryan Williams will be one of the better backs in the league. He has to beat out Beanie Wells first, but let's be honest here that's not really going to be a problem. Williams was an absolute monster for Virginia Tech for two years, breaking the Va Tech single season rushing record and the ACC single season TD record, before the Cardinals took him early in the second round of the 2011 draft. He then destroyed his knee on his first carry in his first preseason game, which is why Arizona fans and football fans in general were subjected to another year watching fatass Wells fall down again and again. Williams is a threat to score every time he has the ball. Wells is a threat to become the next Lendale White. Of course, Williams also missed all of last year and the second half of his final college season due to injury so he's got a bit of china doll syndrome possibly going on so maybe everyone will get lucky and get to watch Wells again. Joy!
3. The Falcons are going to miss the playoffs. Way way way way way too much hype here, and whenever that happens the results are generally in the exact opposite direction. Matt Ryan is going to throw for 2 billion yards with Julio Jones and Roddy White both somehow catching for 1.5 billion apiece! Jacquizz Rodgers is the next NFL super star! Michael Turner will be rejuvenated by this holy crap passing offense! Please. Worst nicknamed player ever Matty Ice hasn't won anything, Michael Turner is going to Shaun Alexander this year, and Rodgers isn't the kind of runner who can be a feature back. Atlanta won't be able to run this year, which means Ryan is going to have to throw a ton and even if his (and those wideouts who I confess are pretty damn good) stats look great he's also going to throw 40 interceptions. Plus their defense sucks. Everyone is going to feel stupid at the end of the year when they suck except me because I'm right, and then you're going to acknowledge me as your god.
4. Percy Harvin is going to have a break out season. No, he's not going be like Dez Bryant or anything, but Harvin should finally break the 1,000 receiving yards barrier and probably hit 100 catches. You can see it coming if you're a Vikes fan who's been watching him for three years, but just to put some quantitativeness to the qualitativeness - from week 7 forward last year (which is when Christian Ponder) took over, Harvin touched the ball 100 times which was the most in the NFL. Second place was Wes Welkerbury with 76. Yeah, Ponder digs him some Percy. He does get more touches than most WR due to the lining up in the backfield he does, particularly once AP went down to injury but even prior to that he was averaging more than 3 rush attempts per game. Looking forward to this.
5. Antonio Gates will break TE records. I know everyone is all over Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham as the world's greatest tight ends - and rightly so because they had the two best seasons by a TE ever last year - but don't forget about Antonio Gates, who is primed to have an even better season that either of those two did last year. You know Philip Rivers is going to throw for a whole bunch of yards just as sure as you know he's going to cry at least once this year, but who gets those yards? Vincent Jackson is gone (#2 in catches last year). Mike Tolbert (#3) is as well, and Vincent Brown (who was supposed to ascend to their new #1 WR) is out half the season with an injury. That leaves Malcom Floyd (please) and Gates as your two main targets, and Antonio is finally healthy again after two injury plagued seasons where he still managed to average 57/780/8. Before getting hurt he had the best 1.5 seasons of his career, and everything points to a career year for him - expect him to break 1,400 receiving yards, a new TE record.
6. Andrew Luck will be better than Robert Griffin III this year. Seems like 95% of opinions I've read on these two say Luck will have the better career but RG3 will be better this season. Well I think Luck's better in both cases. Nobody argues he's the more polished QB already, so the other two factors would be if Luck struggles to pick-up the offensive scheme and if RG3 had markedly better weapons surrounding him, but I don't see it in either case. Luck basically called his own plays at Stanford, a team run by a "cerebral" former QB type like Jim Harbaugh (and by cerebral I mean in comparison to blockheads like Brad Childress) so I don't think he's going to majorly struggle with any system he's asked to run. And as far as weapons, both Indy and the Skins are a mess at RB although I'd give the edge to the Colts based on at least having a clear idea of who is going to get the majority of the carries, and I'll take Reggie Wayne/Austin Collie over Santana Moss/Pierre Garcon every time. What am I missing? Clear advantage to Luck. Also garcon means boy.
7. The Chiefs are going to suck. I have no idea why it seems everyone is picking these guys to win the AFC East this year. None at all. They're horrid. The have three good offensive players and two play the same position and were both hurt all or most of last year (fun fact: Jamaal Charles' middle name is Rashaad - that's a lot of a's), and the other one is Dwayne Bowe who is likely to end up shooting himself in the leg or getting suspended after buying weed in Mexico. Matt Cassell might very well be the worst starting QB in the league, and the Chiefs have one of the worst pass defenses in the entire NFL going up against the pass happy Chargers (6th in passing yds last year) and Raiders (11th and should be even better) and a team that just upgraded from Tim Tebow to Peyton Manning. Speaking of which....
8. The Broncos will win their division. Yes, I'm on board the Peyton train. I kind of have to be since I drafted him like 15 years ago in our inaugural keeper league draft and have held him since, but I truly believe he can make a huge difference for Denver. Demaryius Thomas has all the skill to be a lead WR and Eric Decker has both the game and the smarts to become Peyton's #1 target or at least a 1b to Thomas's 1a. That offense should be good enough to put up some points, and that hyper aggressive defense (big on sacks and turnovers, low on actual stops) could turn for the better. I'd feel better if I had heard of anyone on their offensive line and if their running back was someone better than Willis McGahee, but I feel pretty safe putting my blind trust in Peyton Manning and Champ Bailey. Especially if this was 2003.
9. The Saints are going to the Super Bowl. Seems to me like everybody is ignoring the Saints, and I rarely hear them come up when postseason stuff is talked about. In fact I don't think anyone on ESPN picked them to make the Super Bowl, but you best believe they'll be there. They have the best QB on the planet (or #2 after Rodgers) who has a whole mess of weapons to throw too, and while most teams with three running backs have a mess on their hands they have three guys who would all start in many NFL situations. That offense is straight up sick. And you don't think that defense is going to be playing with a major chip on their shoulder? Don't forget if this team doesn't see Alex Smith miraculously morph into Joe Unitas they're probably in the Super Bowl last year (they would've beat the Giants, I promise). Now take that same basic team (oh no, Robert Meachem left!) and add a big ole steamy plate of gritty emotions? They'll be there. Other playoff teams: NY Giants, Packers, 49ers, Lions, Eagles, Broncos, Texans, Pats, Ravens, Steelers, and Chargers. And your champ.....
10. The Ravens will win the Super Bowl. That's right, I'm backing Joe Flacco. I think we've got a perfect storm here. A young QB coming into his own with an offense being revamped to take advantage of his talents and a WR (Torrey Smith) coming into his own right along with him. Maybe the best offensive weapon in the game (Ray Rice) and one of the best defensive players (Haloti Ngata). Veterans who can still play who know this might be their last shot (Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Matt Birk, Anquan Boldin). And, similar to the Saints, you've got a team here who was very close to making the Super Bowl last year (if Lee Evans catches one more pass they're in) and has done very little tinkering. Terrell Suggs injury is a bit of an unfortunate wrinkle, but so is your face.
HONORABLE MENTION: Others who will be awesome - Eli Manning, Jay Cutler, LeSean McCoy, Chris Johnson, Matt Forte, Steven Jackson, Carson Palmer, Marshawn Lynch, Brandon Marshall, Hakeem Nicks, Marques Colston, Greg Olsen, David Wilson, Mark Ingram, and Brandon Pettigrew. Those will suck - Cam Newton, Mike Vick, Darren McFadden, Arian Foster, Frank Gore, Ahmad Bradshaw, every Lions RB, Jordy Nelson, Victor Cruz, Miles Austin, Steve Johnson, and Vernon Davis.
BOOK IT.
Showing posts with label Dez Bryant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dez Bryant. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Super Shark is Super Puke
Well I have nothing better to do with my time and the Tivo is busy Tivo-ing so I can't watch the Twins, so might as well dip once again into the well and see what all I have as far as giant aquatic creature movies. Yes that's right, I'm once again going for the Live Movie Blog. As I look, I have Super Shark and Sharktopus on this TV, and I don't feel like going downstairs or walking all the way to the DVD cabinet so it's going to be one of these two. Super Shark is about a giant, prehistoric shark terrorizing a seaside town and stars the blonde Duke from Dukes of Hazzard who I think was Bo. Sharktopus is about exactly what you think it is and stars Julia Roberts brother. Both are off SyFy so possibility of nudity is nil in both cases. I'm going with Super Shark, it at least sounds like it has a chance to not suck, right? right?
- On IMDB this has a rating of 2.5/10. For reference, Piranhaconda was a 2.9. I'm fucked.
- Interesting wrinkle in that we're starting the movie off with military guys guarding a beach with big-ass guns. Usually that doesn't happen until later. And there''s the shark. Which just beached itself and isnot leaping about the sand like a god damn Super Mario Brother and roaring the entire time. Yes, roaring the entire time while bouncing around the beach like the sand was a trampompolline. And science-y looking chick says, "this isn't working" and then cut to credits. So we've got:
1. Shark roaring
2. Shark on land and mobile
3. A complete disregard for science
4. Ignoring of the Jaws formula of "tease, hint, but don't reveal your monster until later in the movie"
And we're one minute in. Great.
- ....one week earlier.....there are some dudes on an oil derrick who broke through the earth's crust or something and caused an earthquake where the "Super Shark" came out of the ground and somehow caused an explosion and then leaped out the water and grabbed part of the thing and pulled it under water. Yeah. I'm going to go refreshen this rum and coke so it's way stronger.
- Obligatory beach shot while credits run to music. No gratuitous shots of female body parts. This is rough.
- There's your gratuitous bikini shot right there, and on a sluttier looking Ana Faris kind of chick too. I dig.
- Her dude or whatever is scuba diving and asked her to throw a net into the water for some reason so she did and it made the super shark roar and then turn around like it was all mad. It's true, sharks hate nets that are thrown in the water for no reason.
- This is the girl who has been walking around in a bikini for like, 7 minutes. Well done SyFy, well done.
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| This is where 2.4 of that 2.5 rating come from |
- And now she's dead because the shark jumped out of the air and landed on the boat. Yep, I wish I was the kind of guy who could paint a picture with words because that was just shitty stupid. And that's twice now this shark has jumped, and like 5-8 times if you include that opening scene. I think the producer/director/writer of this watched Air Jaws a few too many times.
- In this movie, Quint will be played by a hawaiian shirt wearing, cowboy hat wearing, swisher sweet smoking, fruity umbrella drink with a bendy straw drinking, sunglasses around the neck on a string having caricature of Jimmy Buffet. Christ.
- Science chick just told Buffet that he should take her to the site of the oil platform crash or whatever and gave him a bunch of money and he said it's off limits and she said "my badge says Oceanic Investigation Bureau, it'll get us past anyone." That can't be a real thing, right? Then on the boat ride out she takes off the fancy jacket and nice blouse so she can just sunbathe in a bikini. Not that I'm arguing, but that can't be consider professional conduct by the Oceanic Investigation Bureau. If she's not careful she's going to get a censure.
- I'm 17 minutes into this movie. 17. Shit.
- FYI: Josh Willingham is officially known as "Mrs. W's boyfriend" around our house. Just thought ya'll should know.
- Science chick is now telling Luke Duke that the area where that oil platform sank is loaded with chemicals. Well no shit. then she gets all hard-assy on him and he manages to somehow turn that into a dinner date. Oh, I'm sure she doesn't think of it as a date, but once she has a couple glasses of wine and he turns on that duke boy charm her pants will be on the floor of the General Lee before she even realizes she's been roofied.
- The shark roared again.
- Ooh, there was a survivor of the oil rig accident. Which honestly doesn't make a lick of sense because the whole thing blew up and was then pulled underwater by the most roaringest shark since Jaws 4.
- Plus this guy (we'll call him Kobe because he looks like Kobe) actually saw the shark, which is also stupid because in that scene Kobe was down in bowels of station or whatever and then somehow apparently sprinted to the top where he saw the shark and then somehow survived when the whole top level exploded and also survived when it got pulled over. He really is like Kobe, except he'd probably recognize the talent he has in the paint and work to get them involved in the offense.
- Suddenly now there's a navy sub for some reason. I know it's the Navy because the operators are all wearing the kind of NAVY hats you can buy at Walmart.
- The shark is ramming the sub with it's head at it's side, kind of in a "I'd really like to get to know you biblically" kind of way. Sexy.
- Never mind it bit the sub in half instead. Man, talk about a violent relationship. This shark's got nothing on Dez Bryant, who, by the way, is a cornerstone in my rebuilding effort in our Fantasy Football keeper league. Ass.
- THERE WAS POTASSIUM FELDSPAR IN THE WATER! It HYDROLIZES INTO KAOLINITE AND QUARTZ AND POTASSIUM HYDROXIDE! IT CAN CREATE A CHEMICAL THAT CAN BREAK DOWN ROCKS!
- This lady is a dummy. She thinks this hyrdolizing thing caused the rocks around the base of the oil platform to crumble thus causing it to sink. Stupid lady, we all know it was a shark. Excuse me, a super shark.
- Potassium Feldspar is used to make glass and ceramics. Kaolinite is used in medicines and paper manufacturing. Quartz is quartz. Potassium Hydroxide is actually corrosive, but in a way where it's used in batteries and cuticle removers, but it's most common use is to make soap and biodiesel which I assume is some kind of fuel. Hydrolysis is a real thing that means the breakdown of chemicals by the addition of water. So in theory all of those words science lady used could happen, except for the part where it created something that basically melted rock. Also known as, "the whole half-assed scientific theory this movie is based on." Plus the shark roars.
- By the way, congrats should go out to Snacks and Mrs. Snacks as they welcomed their first child, Baby Lukas, into the world late Monday evening. Pretty cool stuff, though I would have gone with a "c".
- Two life guard girls who have been in several scenes but have been too boring to mention are now at some karaoke bar with some dude that looks like that mean guy from the OC but isn't. Also earlier that one lifeguard lady was like telling the other lifeguard lady how they'd have a big party for her birthday but now it's just the three of them and this is very sad. But it turns out there's a bikini contest, so all is not lost.
- This bikini contest is sad. And a sad bikini contest is the saddest thing of all.
- Oh snap! The birthday girl life guard girl decided to join the contest and be brave and strip because of course she had her bikini on under her clothes and she was all happy until she turned and looked and saw OC guy and other lifeguard girl guy making out. Sad. Reminded me of when Screech saw Zack and Lisa making out before the fashion show at the Max. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.
- I wasn't paying attention and there was an Advil commercial that I thought was part of the movie. I'm not sure if that says more about this movie or me but I'm a stupid free blogger and this is a movie that presumably cost 10s of thousands of dollars I assume. Right? 100s? I don't know. How much does something like this cost? And what can the profit margin possibly be? Like 8 bucks? I hope.
- These lifeguards broads are arguing over that OC dude and then the one who didn't get the guy said I wish I was dead and then the shark ate her by jumping on the beach which is genius. Then it ate her traitorous friend by jumping again and eating her. The shark bouncing through sand is actually starting to win me over. It's the stupidest thing ever other than Sex and the City but god damn at least they're consistent. Something to be said for that I assume but I'm drunk so shut your mother.
- The shark just ate somebody. I don't know. What am I, Kreskin?
- Man, the Oceanic Bureau of Investigation sure does have a lax dresscode, because she's just out there and loving any minute of it. and it worked because her and Jimmy Buffet guy just found he shark, AND IT'S CIRCLING THE BOAT! The wake trailing behind the dorsal fin also looks like a child drew it with crayon.
- Huh. It seems that if you turn off your radio a giant prehistoric shark that is circling your boat for no real reason will leave. Actually, now Investigator Boobsy explains that the shark was giving off it's own radio waves that were interfering with the boat's radio. Yep, that's their explanation.
- Bikini photo shoot on the beach. I fear for these ladies lives. But of course, the killer animal in this is a shark and they aren't actually in the water, so clearly they're safe. Of course they're not safe you fool! Did you forget we aren't dealing with some kind of regular old Tom Gugliotta of sharks, this is like, the kind of sharks! The Kevin Durant or Rico Tucker of sharks! And right on cue sharky boy jumps onto the beach and eats the photographer and both girls, but not before the blond one tries to beat it up by using a beach umbrella as a javelin or a jousting stick thing. It didn't work.
- Science lady, who it turns out is not an actual investigator with the ocean CSI or whatever but is in reality a hippie who hates people who drill for sweet, sweet oil, is now hammered at the bar because apparently she hates sharks or something. I don't know. I'd post a picture of the young lass but sadly I can't find a good one. Or I'm struggling to use google properly.
- Here comes the army or whatever to try to kill the shark before the big 4th of July festivities. I was going to make a joke here but I got nothin'.
- Speaking of gotting nothing, we went to a meat raffle tonight - me, TRE, Dr. Acula, Theory, and Lunny and TRE won twice (two $20 giftcards to a meat store), Theory won once (one giftcard), I won once (Six burgundy pepper marinated strip steaks), and Dr. Acula and Lunny were shutout in your face. I don't have any idea if those steaks are good but I won and wanted steak and it was either that or kabobs and the kabobs had vegetables on them and I didn't go to a vegetable raffle.
- Fake Dr. boobsy is winning me over. Mostly with the cleavage. Also winning me over? When I logged into an online sportsbook I hadn't used in about a year and saw over $300 in there. Sweet. Can't wait to blow it.
- We're back at the part with the army on the beach from before. I bet you guys like, $80 the shark jumps on the beach and eats that tank and all that shit.
- Bullets seem to only make super shark mad. Also this looks like something my son could creaate with his toy shark and army men, plus a little ketchup. Shark is actually walking on the beach on it's fins right now. I might be drunk enough for this to be sweet. Also, and this is quite the run-on post already, sharks hate fire. Apparently.
- Shark dude just jumped way the eff up in the air and took down Maverick and Goose. Probably a deleted scene from Top Gun.
- Best British Open Bets (to win): Sergio 30-1, Poulter 40-1, Furyk 40-1, Johnson 40-1, Stricker 60-1.
- Everyone is now listening to crazy fake ocean cop lady. She, with no examination mind you, says the shark has too tough of skin to shoot and is completely neutralized and/or driven crazy by radio waves because it omits waves, also claims it flies because it jumps, can walk on it's fins, and was trapped in rock, but was still alive, and escaped after the hydrolizing agent was used by the oil companies. And she delivers it so earnestly it's like she forgot what movie she is in.
- Mayor guy or whoever doesn't really care except to say "Those beaches must be open for the fourth of July." Pretty sure Jaws guy did this better.
- And she's sexing Jimmy Buffet guy who is once again wearing a Hawaiian shirt. This movie makes me hurt.
- The army dudes are going with some kind of walking tank, while Jimmy Buffet and his lady are rocking some pretty serious speakers. I will bet you $40 right now they end up doing something like cranking up the radio and it makes the sharks head explode. $40.
- That stupid tank thing misses the shark by like 90 feet every time it tries to shoot. Stupid tank.
- This. This is.....just indescribable. there are no words. It's just jumping around on the beach like Misti May (who married shitty baseball player Matt Traynor, by the way).
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| This is what you get when you're a failed baseball player. |
- Fake science lady blew up the shark by throwing a boombox in it's mouth. I think there was something about explosives in there too but I wasn't really paying attention because I was busy looking for pictures and doesn't it just seem right that throwing a boombox in the sharks mouth and like, turning it on or something would fit this movie well. I think so, and that's how I choose to believe this ended. Makes it easier when i think about how I spent my time watching this instead of gambling.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Random Thoughts on a Tuesday Night
It's some random thoughts on a Tuesday night, much like the title told you. What the title didn't tell you, however, and what you know that people who just read the title and clicked close don't, is that I'm sucking back some sweet, sweet alcohol while I type this, in the form of vodka & iced tea. Is that weird? I feel like that might be weird, but it's good. So suck it.
- I read something today where a writer asked if Dayton was the next Butler, college hoopswise. I wish I could find the damn article, but nevertheless it sent me into a rage, as you'd guess, because I hate Dayton worse than I hate you. If you recall, or if you're new, you might remember that the Bar I frequent when I go to Chicago for the NCAA Tournament with Snacks, Snake, and Dawger when we visit Bogart and his giant TV is also a Dayton bar, and one year we were there Dayton was actually playing and their fans were some of the biggest idiot poser fancy boys I had ever seen.
So, last year when I was previewing the Atlantic 10 I referred to Dayton fans as hipster doofuses and predicted they'd miss the NCAA Tournament. Dayton fans found the blog and did not much appreciate my comments. Several emails of an unsavory nature were exchanged, there was mention of my living in a trailer (note: not true), and let's just say it wasn't pretty. Also, I fucking hate Dayton. Thus, said article which I can not find pretty much prompted this entire post.
And it deserves to be written about, because Dayton is about as far from Butler as Nick Blackburn is from a competent pitcher. First, Dayton's conference is light years beyond Butler's. The Horizon is a perennial one-bid conference, whereas the A-10 almost always sends between two and four teams; might as well ask if Xavier is the next North Carolina. Secondly, what exactly are we basing this dynastic prediction on, four straight years of underachievement topped off by an NIT Championship? One NCAA berth in the last six years? Really, an NIT Championship doesn't mean anything - really, despite what they want you to think nobody uses it as a springboard to success, ever - and even if it did, Dayton is losing seven players and 3 starters so who cares? This whole dynasty is based around an overrated PF (Chris Wright) who can't ever stay healthy, and now they need a freshman and a transfer from fucking Drake to be their ballhandlers.
Dayton is a dynasty the same way Two and a Half Men is a good show - it's not true and you'd have to be a god damned moron to think so. The Flyers and their fans can all bite me.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to be guesting on Law & Order: SVU? Man, how far has she fallen? If you have a chance and haven't, go rent Heartbreakers and prepare for boner city. No kidding, probably the hottest chick in a movie ever not counting Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Audrina in Sorority Row, and Tiffani Thiessen in anything ever. You forget, but Jennifer Love Hewitt used to be at the absolute top of the hot chick pyramid. Now she's doing Lifetime movies and guest spots. She's now the Dayton of hot chicks. Sad.
- I'm all for relaxing, but anybody else think the Twins might want to continue playing this season instead of just packing it in until the playoffs start? I'm not entirely sure of the rules here, but I think if they don't start winning games Bud Selig might step in and renounce them from the playoffs. And who the hell is going to be the fourth starter now? Slowey threw batting practice yesterday, and tonight Blackburn is getting lit up by Mike Aviles and Kila Ka'aihue for christ's sake. Everything is set up for Baker, and he's probably the best choice anyway because he's the least likely to give up 6 runs in 3 innings. Not that he's necessarily not likely, just slightly less likely than the velocity haters he's in competition with.
Seriously, close your eyes. Now take off your pants. Now imagine it's game four of the ALDS, we're at Yankee stadium, and the Twins are down 2 games to 1, but all games have been closely played. They need someone to shut down the Yankees on the road. Who is the last pitcher you'd want out there? Correct, it's Nick Blackburn. I would have also accepted Kevin Slowey, Anthony Swarzak, or Jeff Manship. Scott Baker ranks slightly ahead of them because he's more likely to be absolutely lights out, no matter who he's facing. Of course, we could also see the longest home run in the history of Yankee baseball (and Mantle allegedly hit a 600 footer). Yes, longer than Mantles. Imagine a 3-0 count on A-Rod. Now take off your pants again. Now imagine the bases are loaded and the winning run is on third, so Baker has to throw a strike. How far could A-Rod hit that ball? 700 ft? 800?
- Anybody else watching The Event? I don't think it's terrible just yet, but I do think it's trying awfully hard to be both Lost and 24, even though I never ever watched 24 because it takes more than gun fights and explosions to entertain me. Anyway, it seems ok and any time D.B. Sweeney is involved you know I'm a fan, but this show could take a wrong turn in an awful hurry. I mean, this "plot" is like tightrope thin. Kind of like how the Dark Tower series by Stephen King could be brilliant on TV in the right hands, but would be a laughable train wreck if handled incorrectly. Or like the Game of Thrones series coming up on HBO. Real delicate stuff here. Actually, I'm not really sure why I made that comparison, except that those are two of my favorite book series and one is coming to TV and the other might be soon. Really, so far The Event is weird and doesn't make much sense and I only watched about half of episode two, but it's got this chick in a bikini so I'll keep watching:
- Speaking of Episode 2, Mrs. W bought WonderbabyTM a Star Wars coloring book today, which she loved, and she likes to watch me play Lego Star Wars, so we watched a half hour of Episode I today (went with that one because it's most kid friendly) and she thought it rocked and didn't want to turn it off. I'm looking to have her fully nerdifyed by age 4.
- So who's excited for the Ryder Cup? I am. I think the Euro team is far better than the Americans, but we have a few units down on the USA just because, like Billy Mitchell, I'm proud to represent my country, even when I'm not really representing anything and really am more just betting on people who are representing my country. Like Lex Luger. Anyway, Sergio sucking too bad all year to not make the team is a huge break for the Americanos, because that dude is a machine at this stuff (career 14-3-3 record). Nobody on the American team is a good Ryder Cup player, and Mickelson and Furyk are two of the worst, and unfortunately Jeff Overton made the team and then Rickie Fowler got picked for some reason, so really there is no reason to be on the USA except blind faith in good ole apple pie and blue jeans. And a good underdog payout.
- The Rockies are losing again tonight, and most people don't really care, but we have the Rockies at OVER 85.5 wins for the year, and currently they are at 83-73 which means they need to go 3-3 to win the bet, which is starting to look less and less likely due to this incredible un-Rocky-like skid they are in which, if they lose again tonight, will have them at 1-8 in their last 9 games. Which means that nine games ago they were 82-65 and needed to go just 4-11 to win it for us. Thanks assholes. I blame Helton.
- Also the Mets just need to lose two more games. Pray for us.
- I'm sure there's more, but the baby is waking up and by the time I get done feeding and taking care of him, whatever mojo is driving this post will be long gone. So I'll just leave you with this: Dez Bryant is going to destroy the NFL, Randy Moss style. If not this year, then next.
Make your time.
- I read something today where a writer asked if Dayton was the next Butler, college hoopswise. I wish I could find the damn article, but nevertheless it sent me into a rage, as you'd guess, because I hate Dayton worse than I hate you. If you recall, or if you're new, you might remember that the Bar I frequent when I go to Chicago for the NCAA Tournament with Snacks, Snake, and Dawger when we visit Bogart and his giant TV is also a Dayton bar, and one year we were there Dayton was actually playing and their fans were some of the biggest idiot poser fancy boys I had ever seen.
So, last year when I was previewing the Atlantic 10 I referred to Dayton fans as hipster doofuses and predicted they'd miss the NCAA Tournament. Dayton fans found the blog and did not much appreciate my comments. Several emails of an unsavory nature were exchanged, there was mention of my living in a trailer (note: not true), and let's just say it wasn't pretty. Also, I fucking hate Dayton. Thus, said article which I can not find pretty much prompted this entire post.
And it deserves to be written about, because Dayton is about as far from Butler as Nick Blackburn is from a competent pitcher. First, Dayton's conference is light years beyond Butler's. The Horizon is a perennial one-bid conference, whereas the A-10 almost always sends between two and four teams; might as well ask if Xavier is the next North Carolina. Secondly, what exactly are we basing this dynastic prediction on, four straight years of underachievement topped off by an NIT Championship? One NCAA berth in the last six years? Really, an NIT Championship doesn't mean anything - really, despite what they want you to think nobody uses it as a springboard to success, ever - and even if it did, Dayton is losing seven players and 3 starters so who cares? This whole dynasty is based around an overrated PF (Chris Wright) who can't ever stay healthy, and now they need a freshman and a transfer from fucking Drake to be their ballhandlers.
Dayton is a dynasty the same way Two and a Half Men is a good show - it's not true and you'd have to be a god damned moron to think so. The Flyers and their fans can all bite me.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to be guesting on Law & Order: SVU? Man, how far has she fallen? If you have a chance and haven't, go rent Heartbreakers and prepare for boner city. No kidding, probably the hottest chick in a movie ever not counting Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Audrina in Sorority Row, and Tiffani Thiessen in anything ever. You forget, but Jennifer Love Hewitt used to be at the absolute top of the hot chick pyramid. Now she's doing Lifetime movies and guest spots. She's now the Dayton of hot chicks. Sad.
- I'm all for relaxing, but anybody else think the Twins might want to continue playing this season instead of just packing it in until the playoffs start? I'm not entirely sure of the rules here, but I think if they don't start winning games Bud Selig might step in and renounce them from the playoffs. And who the hell is going to be the fourth starter now? Slowey threw batting practice yesterday, and tonight Blackburn is getting lit up by Mike Aviles and Kila Ka'aihue for christ's sake. Everything is set up for Baker, and he's probably the best choice anyway because he's the least likely to give up 6 runs in 3 innings. Not that he's necessarily not likely, just slightly less likely than the velocity haters he's in competition with.
Seriously, close your eyes. Now take off your pants. Now imagine it's game four of the ALDS, we're at Yankee stadium, and the Twins are down 2 games to 1, but all games have been closely played. They need someone to shut down the Yankees on the road. Who is the last pitcher you'd want out there? Correct, it's Nick Blackburn. I would have also accepted Kevin Slowey, Anthony Swarzak, or Jeff Manship. Scott Baker ranks slightly ahead of them because he's more likely to be absolutely lights out, no matter who he's facing. Of course, we could also see the longest home run in the history of Yankee baseball (and Mantle allegedly hit a 600 footer). Yes, longer than Mantles. Imagine a 3-0 count on A-Rod. Now take off your pants again. Now imagine the bases are loaded and the winning run is on third, so Baker has to throw a strike. How far could A-Rod hit that ball? 700 ft? 800?
- Anybody else watching The Event? I don't think it's terrible just yet, but I do think it's trying awfully hard to be both Lost and 24, even though I never ever watched 24 because it takes more than gun fights and explosions to entertain me. Anyway, it seems ok and any time D.B. Sweeney is involved you know I'm a fan, but this show could take a wrong turn in an awful hurry. I mean, this "plot" is like tightrope thin. Kind of like how the Dark Tower series by Stephen King could be brilliant on TV in the right hands, but would be a laughable train wreck if handled incorrectly. Or like the Game of Thrones series coming up on HBO. Real delicate stuff here. Actually, I'm not really sure why I made that comparison, except that those are two of my favorite book series and one is coming to TV and the other might be soon. Really, so far The Event is weird and doesn't make much sense and I only watched about half of episode two, but it's got this chick in a bikini so I'll keep watching:
- Speaking of Episode 2, Mrs. W bought WonderbabyTM a Star Wars coloring book today, which she loved, and she likes to watch me play Lego Star Wars, so we watched a half hour of Episode I today (went with that one because it's most kid friendly) and she thought it rocked and didn't want to turn it off. I'm looking to have her fully nerdifyed by age 4.
- So who's excited for the Ryder Cup? I am. I think the Euro team is far better than the Americans, but we have a few units down on the USA just because, like Billy Mitchell, I'm proud to represent my country, even when I'm not really representing anything and really am more just betting on people who are representing my country. Like Lex Luger. Anyway, Sergio sucking too bad all year to not make the team is a huge break for the Americanos, because that dude is a machine at this stuff (career 14-3-3 record). Nobody on the American team is a good Ryder Cup player, and Mickelson and Furyk are two of the worst, and unfortunately Jeff Overton made the team and then Rickie Fowler got picked for some reason, so really there is no reason to be on the USA except blind faith in good ole apple pie and blue jeans. And a good underdog payout.
- The Rockies are losing again tonight, and most people don't really care, but we have the Rockies at OVER 85.5 wins for the year, and currently they are at 83-73 which means they need to go 3-3 to win the bet, which is starting to look less and less likely due to this incredible un-Rocky-like skid they are in which, if they lose again tonight, will have them at 1-8 in their last 9 games. Which means that nine games ago they were 82-65 and needed to go just 4-11 to win it for us. Thanks assholes. I blame Helton.
- Also the Mets just need to lose two more games. Pray for us.
- I'm sure there's more, but the baby is waking up and by the time I get done feeding and taking care of him, whatever mojo is driving this post will be long gone. So I'll just leave you with this: Dez Bryant is going to destroy the NFL, Randy Moss style. If not this year, then next.
Make your time.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Weekend Review - 8/2/2010
Remember how these Weekend Reviews used to be just for the weekend stuff, and then they morphed into the full week in review? Well, now that I'm doing daily postings, they're going back to weekend reviews only. I think. For now.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Kevin Slowey. You know, if he had just pitched like this all year nobody would be worried. When he's on he's just an excellent, efficient, strike-throwing, out-recorded machine. Obviously we haven't seen enough of that version of Slowey this year, leading to all the Haren/Oswalt/Lilly talk, but with Pavano and Liriano essentially dominant at this point if Slowey (and Baker) can start pitching well the Twins could end up being a serious problem for somebody in the playoffs. Or those two will continue to suck, leading to down-to-the-wire pennant race where the winner gets swept in the first round.
2. Francisco Liriano. Seven innings, 2 hits allowed, no runs, eleven strikeouts, and it's really just a ho-hum effort at this point. He's now tossed 21 straight scoreless innings, and is looking very close to his 2006 form. Honestly I'm almost getting sick of writing about him, even as he's getting more and more enjoyable to watch. Seriously, is there anything better than watching him carve up a lineup, and do it in a completely different way than Pavano? Man I really hope those other jackasses in the rotation get their shit together. This next week and a half is going to tell us a lot, with the next 10 games on the road including matchups with Tampa and the White Sox.
3. Stuart Appleby. Do you remember two years ago when Stewart Cink won the British Open and I had to say nice things about him because he won? Well I hate Cink, so that really sucked. This also sucks, because Stuart Appleby is basically nothing but a cotton-headed ninny-muggins, and he won the Greenbrier Classic this week because he shot a 59 on Sunday, and a 59 is a score that has only been reached like five times or something like that, so it's pretty impressive. Less impressive was Jeff Overton missing a 3-foot birdie putt on 17 that would have tied Appleby and then blaming a ballmark for the miss. Also, how is this thing called the Greenbrier "Classic" when it's in its first year of existence? Seems like false advertising.
4. Gavin Floyd. Why is he so good now? He pitched six perfect innings on Sunday against the A's before it was broken up, but finished with yet another sparkling outing. Since June 8th, here are his earned runs allowed by game: 1-1-1-0-2-1-1-1-0-0. That's ridiculous. And it feels like the entire team has started doing this crap. The Twins are a far better team than Chicago, but if they keep getting pitching like this they're going to be awfully tough to beat. Luckily the just acquire Edwin Jackson, so we're good.
5. Texas Rangers. Not because of their play this weekend, when they dropped two of three against the Angels, but because they have now positioned themselves as a darkhorse World Series candidate. The rotation was already pretty good with the emergence of Tommy Hunter, Colby Lewis, and C.J. Wilson and they added Cliff Lee. The bullpen is outstanding. Parts of their lineup were already stacked (Josh Hamilton, Elvis Andrus, Nelson Cruz, and Michael Young) and where they had weaknesses they went out and acquired pieces to address it: Cristian Guzman at 2B, Jorge Cantu at first, and Bengie Molina behind the plate. None of those guys are awesome or anything, but they all shore up weak areas for Texas. Look out for these guys, serious sleeper potential.
.
WHO SUCKED
1. Chicago White Sox. So let me get this straight. First of all, they weren't able to get the guy they really wanted, Adam Dunn, or either of there backup plans, Lance Berkman or Manny Ramirez, and they even had a deal in place for Berkman but he vetoed it. Then they end up trading for Edwin Jackson, a pitcher who has been on three teams in three years, has a 5.16 ERA in the National League this year, has a career 4.74 ERA, leads the NL in earned runs allowed, and is going to make $8.35 million this year. And they traded two of their top 10 prospects for him. And the only reason they traded for him is because the Nats made them think that getting him was the key to getting Dunn. Psych, I guess. Well played Nats, well played. White Sox? More like White Sux, am I right?
2. Seattle Mariners. Wow, way to not put up any resistance at all, and following up a sweep by the White Sox as well leads me to the conclusion that the Mariners are the most worthless team in baseball. Yes, the same Mariners that I said were a sleeper World Series candidate. Let's all agree that I never said that, k?
3. Bryce Harper. I'm pretty sure Bryce Harper is a douche. I mean, I already kind of did, considering he has been anointed a future star since he was like six and he wears war paint when he plays like some douche from Precision Tree, but check out his facebook profile (No, I didn't stalk him, this is from an article on yahoo)
I mean really. Between the picture and using his status as a tool to try to get a better contract? Ugh. Count me out. I hope Strasburg beans him in BP, assuming Bryce gets to the bigs someday. Really, I'd think a former Twin would raise his kid better than this.
4. Early season NFL injuries. Are there always this many injuries before practices even start? Dez Bryant. Knowshon Moreno. Percy Harvin. DeSean Jackson. Wes Welker. I mean, how are people getting hurt? Isn't this the part where they don't do anything but watch film and do non-contract drills? Sounds like a bunch of sissies to me. I guess we already know Harvin is, thanks to his Justin Morneau-like response to headaches. Just seems weird. Or maybe I'm stretching for subjects to write about.
5. Angelina. Seriously, why is she even there? None of the guys want her there. None of the girls want her there. She's only there because she's jealous of the fame these dorks have now achieved, however much they don't actually deserve it. Perhaps the best part is that she thinks nobody likes her because she left early last season, but in reality nobody likes her because she's a terrible person who talked trash about all of them. And why would anybody talk shit about JWoww. That chick would straight up murder you in your sleep if she so much as thought you looked at her wrong. Honestly as hot as she is if she wanted to sleep with me I'd turn her down because I'd be afraid that I wouldn't perform up to her standards and her response would be to break a bottle on the headboard and then stab me in the balls.
The End. I would have written more but it's Shark Week. Holla.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Kevin Slowey. You know, if he had just pitched like this all year nobody would be worried. When he's on he's just an excellent, efficient, strike-throwing, out-recorded machine. Obviously we haven't seen enough of that version of Slowey this year, leading to all the Haren/Oswalt/Lilly talk, but with Pavano and Liriano essentially dominant at this point if Slowey (and Baker) can start pitching well the Twins could end up being a serious problem for somebody in the playoffs. Or those two will continue to suck, leading to down-to-the-wire pennant race where the winner gets swept in the first round.
2. Francisco Liriano. Seven innings, 2 hits allowed, no runs, eleven strikeouts, and it's really just a ho-hum effort at this point. He's now tossed 21 straight scoreless innings, and is looking very close to his 2006 form. Honestly I'm almost getting sick of writing about him, even as he's getting more and more enjoyable to watch. Seriously, is there anything better than watching him carve up a lineup, and do it in a completely different way than Pavano? Man I really hope those other jackasses in the rotation get their shit together. This next week and a half is going to tell us a lot, with the next 10 games on the road including matchups with Tampa and the White Sox.
3. Stuart Appleby. Do you remember two years ago when Stewart Cink won the British Open and I had to say nice things about him because he won? Well I hate Cink, so that really sucked. This also sucks, because Stuart Appleby is basically nothing but a cotton-headed ninny-muggins, and he won the Greenbrier Classic this week because he shot a 59 on Sunday, and a 59 is a score that has only been reached like five times or something like that, so it's pretty impressive. Less impressive was Jeff Overton missing a 3-foot birdie putt on 17 that would have tied Appleby and then blaming a ballmark for the miss. Also, how is this thing called the Greenbrier "Classic" when it's in its first year of existence? Seems like false advertising.
4. Gavin Floyd. Why is he so good now? He pitched six perfect innings on Sunday against the A's before it was broken up, but finished with yet another sparkling outing. Since June 8th, here are his earned runs allowed by game: 1-1-1-0-2-1-1-1-0-0. That's ridiculous. And it feels like the entire team has started doing this crap. The Twins are a far better team than Chicago, but if they keep getting pitching like this they're going to be awfully tough to beat. Luckily the just acquire Edwin Jackson, so we're good.
5. Texas Rangers. Not because of their play this weekend, when they dropped two of three against the Angels, but because they have now positioned themselves as a darkhorse World Series candidate. The rotation was already pretty good with the emergence of Tommy Hunter, Colby Lewis, and C.J. Wilson and they added Cliff Lee. The bullpen is outstanding. Parts of their lineup were already stacked (Josh Hamilton, Elvis Andrus, Nelson Cruz, and Michael Young) and where they had weaknesses they went out and acquired pieces to address it: Cristian Guzman at 2B, Jorge Cantu at first, and Bengie Molina behind the plate. None of those guys are awesome or anything, but they all shore up weak areas for Texas. Look out for these guys, serious sleeper potential.
.
WHO SUCKED
1. Chicago White Sox. So let me get this straight. First of all, they weren't able to get the guy they really wanted, Adam Dunn, or either of there backup plans, Lance Berkman or Manny Ramirez, and they even had a deal in place for Berkman but he vetoed it. Then they end up trading for Edwin Jackson, a pitcher who has been on three teams in three years, has a 5.16 ERA in the National League this year, has a career 4.74 ERA, leads the NL in earned runs allowed, and is going to make $8.35 million this year. And they traded two of their top 10 prospects for him. And the only reason they traded for him is because the Nats made them think that getting him was the key to getting Dunn. Psych, I guess. Well played Nats, well played. White Sox? More like White Sux, am I right?
2. Seattle Mariners. Wow, way to not put up any resistance at all, and following up a sweep by the White Sox as well leads me to the conclusion that the Mariners are the most worthless team in baseball. Yes, the same Mariners that I said were a sleeper World Series candidate. Let's all agree that I never said that, k?
3. Bryce Harper. I'm pretty sure Bryce Harper is a douche. I mean, I already kind of did, considering he has been anointed a future star since he was like six and he wears war paint when he plays like some douche from Precision Tree, but check out his facebook profile (No, I didn't stalk him, this is from an article on yahoo)
I mean really. Between the picture and using his status as a tool to try to get a better contract? Ugh. Count me out. I hope Strasburg beans him in BP, assuming Bryce gets to the bigs someday. Really, I'd think a former Twin would raise his kid better than this.
4. Early season NFL injuries. Are there always this many injuries before practices even start? Dez Bryant. Knowshon Moreno. Percy Harvin. DeSean Jackson. Wes Welker. I mean, how are people getting hurt? Isn't this the part where they don't do anything but watch film and do non-contract drills? Sounds like a bunch of sissies to me. I guess we already know Harvin is, thanks to his Justin Morneau-like response to headaches. Just seems weird. Or maybe I'm stretching for subjects to write about.
5. Angelina. Seriously, why is she even there? None of the guys want her there. None of the girls want her there. She's only there because she's jealous of the fame these dorks have now achieved, however much they don't actually deserve it. Perhaps the best part is that she thinks nobody likes her because she left early last season, but in reality nobody likes her because she's a terrible person who talked trash about all of them. And why would anybody talk shit about JWoww. That chick would straight up murder you in your sleep if she so much as thought you looked at her wrong. Honestly as hot as she is if she wanted to sleep with me I'd turn her down because I'd be afraid that I wouldn't perform up to her standards and her response would be to break a bottle on the headboard and then stab me in the balls.
The End. I would have written more but it's Shark Week. Holla.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Six Very Important Things this Morning 7.27.10
Hi folks. I just finished up an absolutely terrific meal I prepared myself (Grilled Marlin Steaks in a garlic lemon butter sauce) and as such I'm feeling pretty good so it's time to roll out an idea I've been kicking around for a while: Daily morning posts.
Usually during the week when something interesting happens but I don't feel it warrants an entire post, I just file it away to use for the Week in Review post on Monday, but that's irritating at times and a lot slips through the cracks, so from now if I'm not writing something about something more important like Twins' talk, Gopher hoops, or crappy SyFy movies, I'll try to put together a linksy/newsy like a respectable blogger for posting in the morning so you'll have something to do while you try to wake up at work.
Now, they will be shorter than the Week in Review posts (thank god is what you're saying), and I'm not guaranteeing this every morning, but I'm going to try to keep this going until I get bored. Also keep in mind that I go to bed around 11, so it's not going to be often that any West Coast games are going to be highlighted here.
Let's see how this goes. Without further ado, your first ever "Six Things":
1. Danny Valencia is sick of my calling him a nancy-boy slap hitter. Well, he didn't actually say that, but he said it with his bat, going 4-4 with his first career home run. He wasn't the only star for the Twins, with Delmon also chipping in with yet another 4-hit game and Joe Mauer going 5-5 with a home run and 7 RBI, all on their way to 19 runs on 20 hits, giving them 29 runs and 39 hits over he last two games. Lost in all this is the fact that Liriano tossed an easy breezy seven innings of 3 hit, no run ball for the win, and would have had a shot at a shut out (just 83 pitches) if the game wasn't such a massacre. The Twinkies have an easy schedule the rest of the way, and Detroit is falling apart at the seems, so this thing is right there for them if they want it. And then we can once again enjoy the yearly ritual known as "getting swept out of the playoffs." It's a magical time.
2. Al Jefferson hates Toyotas, T-Wolves. Ok, he had some nice things to say about Minnesota, but it's pretty clear he's not sad to be gone. I'm curious how he's going to fit in since Deron Williams is a pick-and-roll PG and he's not a pick-and-roll PF, but whatever. And Actually calling the T-Wolves a Toyota might be a compliment. I'd have been more specific, like calling them a '84 Toyota Tercel that for some reason has three semi-expensive steering wheels.
3. Matt Garza is feeling the heat from Delmon Young. Just when it was seeming like the balance of the Delmon/Garza trade might be swinging in the Twins favor, Matt Garza goes out and tosses a no-hitter, and damn near a perfect game with just a single blemish in the form of a walk to Brennan Boesch. Nice little outing. He's still no Delmon, but I'd say he's significantly better than Jason Pridie.
4. Matt Wieters is back. This week Snake and I were forced to bring Matt Wieters back aboard our fantasy team due to Miguel Olivo suddenly finding himself in a platoon with the hottest prospect of 2005, Chris Iannetta. We figured we'd give him one more week before cutting him for good, but that's probably not going to happen after he went deep twice last night against Toronto, increasing his season HR total by a whopping 33%. Bad news: They still lost because they're Baltimore. Good news: My autographed Matt Wieters ball just increased in value by 18%.
5. The Wolves continue to get weirder. This time the Kahner traded one of his three steering wheels (Ramon Sessions), last year's occasionally starting center (Ryan Hollins) and a second round pick for noted Lebron-mom banger Delonte West and second-time's the charm Sebastien Telfair, whose NBA career is clearly working out exactly according to plan. Except of course that neither of these guys will play a game, because West can be waived before August 5th, which would cost just $500k (compared to his $4.6 million salary) and Telfair will be re-traded or bought out as well. Let me tell you, there's nothing more satisfying for a fan than a trade which saves the team money but brings in no talent. This must mean cheaper beer next season, right?
6. Dez Bryant is probably going to steal Halle Berry too. The big news out of Cowboy Camp is that Dez Bryant refused to carry Roy Williams' pads after practice, as is customary at Dallas Training Camp, and everybody is all in a huff. I get that, there is something to be said for tradition, even if it's stupid and retarded, but this just smacks a little too much of a Darnell Jefferson/Ray Griffen situation if you ask me. The brash young rookie (Jefferson/Bryant) comes to the team (Dallas/ESU) with designs on stealing the underperforming incumbent starter's (Williams/Griffen) job. I think we know how this ends: Williams throws a crushing block to spring Dez for a key touchdown, helping a fresh-from-rehab led Tony Romo and the Cowboys to a Super Bowl victory while Demarcus Ware listens from a hospital room, tears running down his cheeks because he knows his career is over.
So there we are. The first ever 6 things. Hopefully it won't be the last, but I make no promises. I can be legendarily lazy, and get bored and distracted quic
Usually during the week when something interesting happens but I don't feel it warrants an entire post, I just file it away to use for the Week in Review post on Monday, but that's irritating at times and a lot slips through the cracks, so from now if I'm not writing something about something more important like Twins' talk, Gopher hoops, or crappy SyFy movies, I'll try to put together a linksy/newsy like a respectable blogger for posting in the morning so you'll have something to do while you try to wake up at work.
Now, they will be shorter than the Week in Review posts (thank god is what you're saying), and I'm not guaranteeing this every morning, but I'm going to try to keep this going until I get bored. Also keep in mind that I go to bed around 11, so it's not going to be often that any West Coast games are going to be highlighted here.
Let's see how this goes. Without further ado, your first ever "Six Things":
1. Danny Valencia is sick of my calling him a nancy-boy slap hitter. Well, he didn't actually say that, but he said it with his bat, going 4-4 with his first career home run. He wasn't the only star for the Twins, with Delmon also chipping in with yet another 4-hit game and Joe Mauer going 5-5 with a home run and 7 RBI, all on their way to 19 runs on 20 hits, giving them 29 runs and 39 hits over he last two games. Lost in all this is the fact that Liriano tossed an easy breezy seven innings of 3 hit, no run ball for the win, and would have had a shot at a shut out (just 83 pitches) if the game wasn't such a massacre. The Twinkies have an easy schedule the rest of the way, and Detroit is falling apart at the seems, so this thing is right there for them if they want it. And then we can once again enjoy the yearly ritual known as "getting swept out of the playoffs." It's a magical time.
2. Al Jefferson hates Toyotas, T-Wolves. Ok, he had some nice things to say about Minnesota, but it's pretty clear he's not sad to be gone. I'm curious how he's going to fit in since Deron Williams is a pick-and-roll PG and he's not a pick-and-roll PF, but whatever. And Actually calling the T-Wolves a Toyota might be a compliment. I'd have been more specific, like calling them a '84 Toyota Tercel that for some reason has three semi-expensive steering wheels.
3. Matt Garza is feeling the heat from Delmon Young. Just when it was seeming like the balance of the Delmon/Garza trade might be swinging in the Twins favor, Matt Garza goes out and tosses a no-hitter, and damn near a perfect game with just a single blemish in the form of a walk to Brennan Boesch. Nice little outing. He's still no Delmon, but I'd say he's significantly better than Jason Pridie.
4. Matt Wieters is back. This week Snake and I were forced to bring Matt Wieters back aboard our fantasy team due to Miguel Olivo suddenly finding himself in a platoon with the hottest prospect of 2005, Chris Iannetta. We figured we'd give him one more week before cutting him for good, but that's probably not going to happen after he went deep twice last night against Toronto, increasing his season HR total by a whopping 33%. Bad news: They still lost because they're Baltimore. Good news: My autographed Matt Wieters ball just increased in value by 18%.
5. The Wolves continue to get weirder. This time the Kahner traded one of his three steering wheels (Ramon Sessions), last year's occasionally starting center (Ryan Hollins) and a second round pick for noted Lebron-mom banger Delonte West and second-time's the charm Sebastien Telfair, whose NBA career is clearly working out exactly according to plan. Except of course that neither of these guys will play a game, because West can be waived before August 5th, which would cost just $500k (compared to his $4.6 million salary) and Telfair will be re-traded or bought out as well. Let me tell you, there's nothing more satisfying for a fan than a trade which saves the team money but brings in no talent. This must mean cheaper beer next season, right?
6. Dez Bryant is probably going to steal Halle Berry too. The big news out of Cowboy Camp is that Dez Bryant refused to carry Roy Williams' pads after practice, as is customary at Dallas Training Camp, and everybody is all in a huff. I get that, there is something to be said for tradition, even if it's stupid and retarded, but this just smacks a little too much of a Darnell Jefferson/Ray Griffen situation if you ask me. The brash young rookie (Jefferson/Bryant) comes to the team (Dallas/ESU) with designs on stealing the underperforming incumbent starter's (Williams/Griffen) job. I think we know how this ends: Williams throws a crushing block to spring Dez for a key touchdown, helping a fresh-from-rehab led Tony Romo and the Cowboys to a Super Bowl victory while Demarcus Ware listens from a hospital room, tears running down his cheeks because he knows his career is over.
So there we are. The first ever 6 things. Hopefully it won't be the last, but I make no promises. I can be legendarily lazy, and get bored and distracted quic
Thursday, April 22, 2010
NFL draft blog
I'm going to be paying halfway attention the the NFL draft tonight - only halfway because Mama W would kill me if I tried to make her watch the whole thing and also because I would end up bored out of my mind - so I figured I might as well put down some thoughts while I wait for the Vikes to make a terrible pick sometime after my bed time.
- So far I've already heard the Donkey Kong Sue is a "great gap penetrator." That was followed by me giggling for about twenty minutes.
- We just had pick 5, safety Eric Berry to Kansas City. I'm still on the channel and I heard him compared to Kenny Easley and Ronnie Lott in teh same sentence. I think maybe everybody should calm down.
- Are the Twins ever going to sweep? Yeah, yeah, it's early and all that jazz, but this lack of a killer instinct popping up already isn't exactly my most favorite thing ever (that would either be Spicy Garlic wings from BW3 or Audrina Patridge. No wait, my daughter. I meant my daughter). That's the third time now they've won the first two games of a series and then lost the third one with the opportunity to sweep, and I know I'm not the only one who noticed because I got an email from Snacks about it and I heard Barreiro talking about it on the radio. Also that's four straight games where Rauch hasn't picked up a save. How is he supposed to beat the record (is it K-Rod's now, or still Thigpen?) at this pace? And how is he supposed to win us our fantasy league as the SOD? I'm very irritated with the hometown 9 right now.
- I did get to check out Target Field earlier this week, however, and I can say that all the praise you've been hearing is accurate, and might even be underselling it. It's a great, great place to watch a ballgame, there's great food and plenty of places to get it, and there are bars and booze kiosks everywhere. Honestly, my first reaction is that it is PERFECT. They could have just given us any old outdoor park and people would sing its praises, but they really nailed it. I could easily just live there happily.
- I'm not exactly sure why people are talking about the Vikings getting Claussen at pick 30. If he does start to slide into the 20s, some team with an early second rounder is going to trade up to leap frog the Vikes and get him. I'm not even sure I really want him. Not sure about Tebow either. I think Snacks summed it up pretty well in this email he sent me earlier today,
- Naturally, the Raiders have to go off the board. I won't pretend to know anything about the guy they took, but I know from reading that he was more of a mid-late teens kind of guy according to most of mock drafts and all that I looked at. Which amounted to one.
- Spiller to the Bills, huh? Interesting. I've heard two different scouting reports, one of which called him the next Chris Johnson, the other which said he's more of a Reggie Bush. I don't think you can get much more separation than that. That's like if you're out of town and the concierge tells you he can send a girl up to your room, and she'll either remind you of Megan Fox or Tony Siragusa.
- If you're a big enough nerd, you might have heard that Marquis Teague, a class of 2011 point guard who is ranked as the #2 overall prospect by Rivals, committed to Kentucky today. That shouldn't be a huge surprise given that he's the top point guard for the class and Calipari has a pretty good legacy (Derrick Rose, Tyreke Evans, John Wall, Brandon Knight) so it's practically a tradition, but one guy who is really seeing things suddenly fall apart is Rick Pitino. Teague's father played for Pitino a long time ago, Pitino had been recruiting Teague two solid years before Calipari came into the picture, Pitino hired Teague's high school coach as an assistant, and Teague was essentially all but committed to play at Louisville last summer. Combine this loss with top 10 recruit Michael Chandler's decision to de-commit from the Ville and the loss of Jeremy Tyler to play overseas last year after having committed to play for Pitino, not to mention all the personal crap going on, and it feels like Pitino is taking the program down. Down, down, down.
- Chargers trade up to take Ryan Mathews out of Fresno and no relation to Cory. I predict he will be the first pick in many, many fantasy keeper leagues this year. Welcome to Bustville. Population = you.
- This is a lot more entertaining that I remember the draft being in the past. When Mama W gets home and makes me change the channel I'm actually going to be kind of bummed out. Oh well. Booze always kills those feelings of sadness. That Nic Cage guy had it right in that Las Vegas movie.
- So the NCAA Tournament is expanding to 68 teams, which I think is awesome if they don't make the four play-in games between the 8 worst teams, thus essentially eliminating four conferences from the "real" tournament right away. They need to make the play-in games between the last 8 at-large teams in order to grab the four twelve seeds. They could make a whole day of it, one game each at like noon, 3, 6, and 9pm and call it Bubble TuesdayTM. That's got a magical ring to it. I'm glad I thought of it and came up with it all on my own and Bogart didn't come up with this idea five years ago at all, no matter what he tells you. Remember, all lawyers are liars. Just watch Liar Liar.
- I'M JOSE CANSECOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Good god is New York State of Mind or whatever it's called overplayed at every single sporting event that has anything remotely related to New York. It's gotten to the point where it's almost as irritating as the wave or Chris Berman.
- Mort, who is starting to look suspiciously like a cross of John Madden and Pat Summerall, tells us that if the 49ers don't take Claussen at 17 he's going to fall to the end of the first round. I can see Arizona taking him at #26, but other than that if he doesn't go at 16 to Tennessee (he will) or the 9ers at 17 there's nobody else who needs a QB. But again, it's almost certain somebody would trade up to jump the Vikes to get him. I'm now dreading the almost certainty that they're going to draft Tebow, although I'm strangely titillated at the thought as well.
- Derrick Morgan is also the name of a character on the pretty good CBS show Criminal Minds. Good show. When Inigo Montoya left I thought it was going to go downhill, but the Voice of Fat Tony has been even better. Plus, both A.J. Cook and Paget Brewster? Rawr.
- Claussen officially slips past the 49ers. Let the games begin. I'm finding myself hoping he slips all the way down to the Vikings. Who knew?
- They just showed a trailer for a movie called "The Losers." I missed most of it, but I'm assuming it's about the readers of this blog. Zing.
- The talking heads on ESPN want us to know that this is the year the Texans finally break through. Yep, for the fourth year in a row, THIS is the Texans year.
- Interesting. They sent a reporter to the house of each of the three borderline first-round QBs: Erin Andrews to Jimmy Claussen's house, some other nubile young blond to Colt McCoy's house, and Jeremy Schapp to Tebow's house. I wonder if they planned to send a chick to all three, but when the girl got to Tebow's house he was like "Begone foul temptress! The sight of thine flesh offends God, and brings a plague of demons uponest the earth! Thou art banished from my home! Go forth and pray for forgiveness, vile strumpet, for the stain of the devil's sin is upon your bosom!"
- Denver takes Demaryius Thomas over Dez Bryant because they are so afraid of a little attitude from their wideouts since they had to ship out Brandon Marshall. Seriously, you need swagger from your receivers if you want them to be good. Name one good receiver who wasn't cocky? You kind of want to say Marvin Harrison, but then you have to remember he shot a bunch of holes in people with a fat-ass handgun, so you can't really go there, can you? Case closed.
- This is really going to suck if the Packers take Dez Bryant here.
- Good. This Beluga kid was a possible top 10 pick so it sucks the Pack got a steal, but I really didn't want them to get Bryant. Remember how Randy Moss lit up the Pack his rookie year? It would have been the same thing.
- Mountain Dew or Crab Juice?
- Dez to the Cowboys. This is either an absolutely perfect match or it's going to be a complete and total disaster. There is no in-between. You hear me? There is no in-between. Honestly, what a great pick. This is going to go down with the Vikes' pick of Moss as one of the great first round steals of all-time. I love this guy. I think his downside is Chad Johnson. Yes, downside. Which means his upside is Jesus.
- Tebow to Denver? How odd. I mean, it's clear to anybody with a brain that Orton isn't exactly the answer, but didn't they just trade for Brady Quinn? What, exactly, are they doing? I kind of feel like that McDaniels guy thinks he's a lot smarter than he really is. Like he's trying to be all creative and innovative and live up to Bill Belichick's example, but this feels like a waste of a pick to me. Maybe they'll make him a fullback.
- Some nerd is interviewing Tebow right now and I desperately wish I was watching the actual TV coverage instead of a silent internet feed, but instead we are now watching the Office so I can't complain. And Pam or Erin has become a legitimate question at this point. I think I secretly wished the Vikings got Tebow. My god, the jokes. God I hope the Vikings draft a super religious virgin.
- Holy crap this god interview is going on forever. I wonder god what Tegod is saying? I wonder if he god referenced god at all, or if it was god about football questions about god adn how he thinks he can god make an impact on the god field as a god quarterback god god.
- Arizona takes a non-Claussen, which means there are three picks before the Vikes and Claussen is on the board and I'm officially really hoping he ends up a Viking. Seriously, he could have been a top 10 pick and they can get him at 30? And he lines up to take over for Favre perfectly. I really hope this happens.
- Damn, the Pats have this pick, and they're the kings of trading down, so I fully expect somebody to jump up grab Claussen right here.
- Nope, they keep it and take somebody something. Neither Miami or the Jets need a QB, so it's either a trade or they got a shot at Claussen. They have to take him, don't they? The guy could have been a top 10 pick and nobody would have batted an eye, and now he can be had at 30? And it's a position of need? God, they have to do it, right? This would be a steal. I'm actually excited.
- By the way, how much did Tebow and all his ding-dong friends look like they belonged on Jersey Shore? But with more bibles and probably more working out. And also likely more suppressed longingly gay looks.
I'm going to miss the jokes so much.
- Miami and the Jets both pass on Claussen, so he's just sitting there for the Vikings. They better take him. There is zero reason not to.
- And they trade the pick to the Lions. That's super boring, although I guess it makes tomorrow more interesting. Oh, and with that I'm bored and going to stop typing.
- So far I've already heard the Donkey Kong Sue is a "great gap penetrator." That was followed by me giggling for about twenty minutes.
- We just had pick 5, safety Eric Berry to Kansas City. I'm still on the channel and I heard him compared to Kenny Easley and Ronnie Lott in teh same sentence. I think maybe everybody should calm down.
- Are the Twins ever going to sweep? Yeah, yeah, it's early and all that jazz, but this lack of a killer instinct popping up already isn't exactly my most favorite thing ever (that would either be Spicy Garlic wings from BW3 or Audrina Patridge. No wait, my daughter. I meant my daughter). That's the third time now they've won the first two games of a series and then lost the third one with the opportunity to sweep, and I know I'm not the only one who noticed because I got an email from Snacks about it and I heard Barreiro talking about it on the radio. Also that's four straight games where Rauch hasn't picked up a save. How is he supposed to beat the record (is it K-Rod's now, or still Thigpen?) at this pace? And how is he supposed to win us our fantasy league as the SOD? I'm very irritated with the hometown 9 right now.
- I did get to check out Target Field earlier this week, however, and I can say that all the praise you've been hearing is accurate, and might even be underselling it. It's a great, great place to watch a ballgame, there's great food and plenty of places to get it, and there are bars and booze kiosks everywhere. Honestly, my first reaction is that it is PERFECT. They could have just given us any old outdoor park and people would sing its praises, but they really nailed it. I could easily just live there happily.
- I'm not exactly sure why people are talking about the Vikings getting Claussen at pick 30. If he does start to slide into the 20s, some team with an early second rounder is going to trade up to leap frog the Vikes and get him. I'm not even sure I really want him. Not sure about Tebow either. I think Snacks summed it up pretty well in this email he sent me earlier today,
"I don’t know that I would be that much more excited about Claussen than I would about Tebow though. I don’t think Claussen’s a sure thing. Plus the newest reports all talk about his giant ego and other makeup issues (so he’s basically the anti-Tebow: less doubt about ability and more doubt about makeup – this might be the first time I’m favoring the guy with the better makeup over the guy with the arguably better talent in my life. Although I read something about Tebow being a virgin and that’s just silly. I judge him negatively for that and view it as a character flaw.)"Makes a lot of sense.
- Naturally, the Raiders have to go off the board. I won't pretend to know anything about the guy they took, but I know from reading that he was more of a mid-late teens kind of guy according to most of mock drafts and all that I looked at. Which amounted to one.
- Spiller to the Bills, huh? Interesting. I've heard two different scouting reports, one of which called him the next Chris Johnson, the other which said he's more of a Reggie Bush. I don't think you can get much more separation than that. That's like if you're out of town and the concierge tells you he can send a girl up to your room, and she'll either remind you of Megan Fox or Tony Siragusa.
- If you're a big enough nerd, you might have heard that Marquis Teague, a class of 2011 point guard who is ranked as the #2 overall prospect by Rivals, committed to Kentucky today. That shouldn't be a huge surprise given that he's the top point guard for the class and Calipari has a pretty good legacy (Derrick Rose, Tyreke Evans, John Wall, Brandon Knight) so it's practically a tradition, but one guy who is really seeing things suddenly fall apart is Rick Pitino. Teague's father played for Pitino a long time ago, Pitino had been recruiting Teague two solid years before Calipari came into the picture, Pitino hired Teague's high school coach as an assistant, and Teague was essentially all but committed to play at Louisville last summer. Combine this loss with top 10 recruit Michael Chandler's decision to de-commit from the Ville and the loss of Jeremy Tyler to play overseas last year after having committed to play for Pitino, not to mention all the personal crap going on, and it feels like Pitino is taking the program down. Down, down, down.
- Chargers trade up to take Ryan Mathews out of Fresno and no relation to Cory. I predict he will be the first pick in many, many fantasy keeper leagues this year. Welcome to Bustville. Population = you.
- This is a lot more entertaining that I remember the draft being in the past. When Mama W gets home and makes me change the channel I'm actually going to be kind of bummed out. Oh well. Booze always kills those feelings of sadness. That Nic Cage guy had it right in that Las Vegas movie.
- So the NCAA Tournament is expanding to 68 teams, which I think is awesome if they don't make the four play-in games between the 8 worst teams, thus essentially eliminating four conferences from the "real" tournament right away. They need to make the play-in games between the last 8 at-large teams in order to grab the four twelve seeds. They could make a whole day of it, one game each at like noon, 3, 6, and 9pm and call it Bubble TuesdayTM. That's got a magical ring to it. I'm glad I thought of it and came up with it all on my own and Bogart didn't come up with this idea five years ago at all, no matter what he tells you. Remember, all lawyers are liars. Just watch Liar Liar.
- I'M JOSE CANSECOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Good god is New York State of Mind or whatever it's called overplayed at every single sporting event that has anything remotely related to New York. It's gotten to the point where it's almost as irritating as the wave or Chris Berman.
- Mort, who is starting to look suspiciously like a cross of John Madden and Pat Summerall, tells us that if the 49ers don't take Claussen at 17 he's going to fall to the end of the first round. I can see Arizona taking him at #26, but other than that if he doesn't go at 16 to Tennessee (he will) or the 9ers at 17 there's nobody else who needs a QB. But again, it's almost certain somebody would trade up to jump the Vikes to get him. I'm now dreading the almost certainty that they're going to draft Tebow, although I'm strangely titillated at the thought as well.
- Derrick Morgan is also the name of a character on the pretty good CBS show Criminal Minds. Good show. When Inigo Montoya left I thought it was going to go downhill, but the Voice of Fat Tony has been even better. Plus, both A.J. Cook and Paget Brewster? Rawr.
- Claussen officially slips past the 49ers. Let the games begin. I'm finding myself hoping he slips all the way down to the Vikings. Who knew?
- They just showed a trailer for a movie called "The Losers." I missed most of it, but I'm assuming it's about the readers of this blog. Zing.
- The talking heads on ESPN want us to know that this is the year the Texans finally break through. Yep, for the fourth year in a row, THIS is the Texans year.
- Interesting. They sent a reporter to the house of each of the three borderline first-round QBs: Erin Andrews to Jimmy Claussen's house, some other nubile young blond to Colt McCoy's house, and Jeremy Schapp to Tebow's house. I wonder if they planned to send a chick to all three, but when the girl got to Tebow's house he was like "Begone foul temptress! The sight of thine flesh offends God, and brings a plague of demons uponest the earth! Thou art banished from my home! Go forth and pray for forgiveness, vile strumpet, for the stain of the devil's sin is upon your bosom!"
- Denver takes Demaryius Thomas over Dez Bryant because they are so afraid of a little attitude from their wideouts since they had to ship out Brandon Marshall. Seriously, you need swagger from your receivers if you want them to be good. Name one good receiver who wasn't cocky? You kind of want to say Marvin Harrison, but then you have to remember he shot a bunch of holes in people with a fat-ass handgun, so you can't really go there, can you? Case closed.
- This is really going to suck if the Packers take Dez Bryant here.
- Good. This Beluga kid was a possible top 10 pick so it sucks the Pack got a steal, but I really didn't want them to get Bryant. Remember how Randy Moss lit up the Pack his rookie year? It would have been the same thing.
- Mountain Dew or Crab Juice?
- Dez to the Cowboys. This is either an absolutely perfect match or it's going to be a complete and total disaster. There is no in-between. You hear me? There is no in-between. Honestly, what a great pick. This is going to go down with the Vikes' pick of Moss as one of the great first round steals of all-time. I love this guy. I think his downside is Chad Johnson. Yes, downside. Which means his upside is Jesus.
- Tebow to Denver? How odd. I mean, it's clear to anybody with a brain that Orton isn't exactly the answer, but didn't they just trade for Brady Quinn? What, exactly, are they doing? I kind of feel like that McDaniels guy thinks he's a lot smarter than he really is. Like he's trying to be all creative and innovative and live up to Bill Belichick's example, but this feels like a waste of a pick to me. Maybe they'll make him a fullback.
- Some nerd is interviewing Tebow right now and I desperately wish I was watching the actual TV coverage instead of a silent internet feed, but instead we are now watching the Office so I can't complain. And Pam or Erin has become a legitimate question at this point. I think I secretly wished the Vikings got Tebow. My god, the jokes. God I hope the Vikings draft a super religious virgin.
- Holy crap this god interview is going on forever. I wonder god what Tegod is saying? I wonder if he god referenced god at all, or if it was god about football questions about god adn how he thinks he can god make an impact on the god field as a god quarterback god god.
- Arizona takes a non-Claussen, which means there are three picks before the Vikes and Claussen is on the board and I'm officially really hoping he ends up a Viking. Seriously, he could have been a top 10 pick and they can get him at 30? And he lines up to take over for Favre perfectly. I really hope this happens.
- Damn, the Pats have this pick, and they're the kings of trading down, so I fully expect somebody to jump up grab Claussen right here.
- Nope, they keep it and take somebody something. Neither Miami or the Jets need a QB, so it's either a trade or they got a shot at Claussen. They have to take him, don't they? The guy could have been a top 10 pick and nobody would have batted an eye, and now he can be had at 30? And it's a position of need? God, they have to do it, right? This would be a steal. I'm actually excited.
- By the way, how much did Tebow and all his ding-dong friends look like they belonged on Jersey Shore? But with more bibles and probably more working out. And also likely more suppressed longingly gay looks.
I'm going to miss the jokes so much.
- Miami and the Jets both pass on Claussen, so he's just sitting there for the Vikings. They better take him. There is zero reason not to.
- And they trade the pick to the Lions. That's super boring, although I guess it makes tomorrow more interesting. Oh, and with that I'm bored and going to stop typing.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Week In Review - 11/2/09
Thank the lord basketball is back, am I right fellas? Honestly, I was getting a little tired of writing about football all the time, with all it's cover 2s and zone blitzes and drop kicks and statues of liberties. I don't even know what most of that means, but all I know is I'm damn glad to be watching a little roundball again.
And speaking of Roundball, it sounds a lot like we may be getting some bad news from the U and Joel Maturi about Trevor Mbakwe today. I don't want to get too much into it until the details all come out, but if what I think is about to happen does happen, this is just a horrible, horrible decision at best, and irresponsible and ruins someone's future at worst. I am sure I'll get more into that later today when the everything is official. [NOTE: It's official. Post coming shortly]
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Adam Weber. It's hard to evaluate the team's overall performance, since there are plenty of awesome things you can point to, but just as many sucky ones, but there's no doubt Weber impressed in Saturday night's big 42-34 win over the Spartans. In his first full game without the next Wes Welker, Weber went 19-31 for a career high 416 yards and five scores, including two sixty-ish yarders to Duane Bennett, one of which was of the "immaculate reception" variety. Weber seemed to choose Tow-Arnett as his new favorite receiver, and he caught 8 of the 19 completions the Gophers recorded for the game, but overall the ball was spread out, with six different Gophers making a catch. I don't know if this is a step back in the right direction, or a good game against a forgiving defense, but for one week at least, Weber was certainly awesome.
2. Carmelo Anthony. Tearing. It. Up. Like Zack Morris at a high school prom. He's completely out of control. In the Nuggets' three games this year (all wins) he's put down 30, 41, and 42 points. As impressive as that is, he has shot 50, 53, and 58% in those three games from the floor, with overall shooting percentages of 54% from the floor, 43% from three, and 88% from the free throw line. Oh, and he's also averaging 7.0 rebounds, 4.3 assists, and 1.3 steals, all of which would be career highs other than the rebounds (would be second best). Want more? He's also turning it over just two times per game, which, yes, would be a career best. His 2003 draftmates Lebron and Wade may have had more success, and Lebron has an MVP while Wade has a championship, but Anthony looks like a whole different player. I'm declaring this the Year of the Melo.
3. Boston Celtics. It seems the reports that the Celtics were too old or fading weren't exactly true. Ok, so those might have been just eminating from my head and not the national media, but the point is that the C's went 4-0 here on opening week, and in impressive fashion at that. The four wins were over title contender Cleveland, playoff teams Chicago and New Orleans, and a complete ass-stomping of doormat Charlotte. As per usual, they did it with good defense (opponents FG% ranged from 31 to 42%) and a balanced scoring attack, with three different leading scorers and eight different players hitting double-digits in the four games. KG looks like maybe he did hit a wall, and is maybe not quite the same player, but he's smart enough and still good enough (and tall enough) to play a good complimentary role. If nothing else, that win over Cleveland let's all y'all know - the Celtics are a title contender.
4. Jonny Flynn. Looking very, very promising so far, leading the Wolves in scoring in their first two games with 17 and 18, including a big run in the fourth quarter of their first game (and only win) against New Jersey. Now, he's not exactly the best distributor yet, with just three assists per game (which sadly leads the team), and turns it over a bit too much, which is typical for a rookie, but his overall play has been a delight. He leads the team in scoring (15.3), as well as free throws both made and attempted (14-16). He's proving difficult to guard, gets to the paint, and draws a lot of fouls. Once his shot further develops and he becomes a better passer, he's going to be a star. Sorry Rubio, point guard spots taken.
5. Percy Harvin. Did you know that Brad Childress regularly ends special teams practice by having Percy return kicks with no blockers against the regular kickoff team - and he scores nearly 80% of the time? Did you know Percy once raced Secretariat, and won by five and a half lengths? Did you know Percy can catch a bullet fired out of a .357 Magnum between his fingers - from three feet? Did you know Percy can get to a Donkey Kong kill screen every time? Did you know Percy once knocked up your girlfriend just by winking at her?
WHO SUCKED
1. Charlotte Bobcats. While reading up for the coming NBA season, I saw more than one preview that mentioned the Bobcats would be much improved this year. Then the season started, and they lost by thirty to the Celtics. Then they only beat the craptastic Knicks by two and needed two overtimes to do it - at home, so I decided to actually look at their team and figure out if they were good or bad, and trust me - they're bad. Not only did they shoot under 38% in both games, including a 31% failure against Boston, but there is nobody on this roster. Ray Felton is solid, but behind him the only intriguing prospect is D.J. Augustin, and he plays the same position. They are starting Gerald Wallace and Stephen Graham, and Vladimir Radmanovic is their seventh man. This isn't an improving young team, this is a crappy team who can't even say it has a bright future, whoever is in charge has destroyed this team.
2. Michigan. You probably pay more attention than I do, so you probably know that Michigan sucks in the conference season, but I didn't, so it's news to me. I remember them coming out in the non-conference season and going 3-0 with a nice win over Notre Dame, and then nothing, but according to the standings they have gone just 2-4 since then, including what could only be called an embarrassing loss to Illinois on Saturday by the count of 38-13 - ouch. Basically, other than Notre Dame their wins this year are over Indiana, Delaware State, Western Michigan, and Eastern Michigan. It seems the reports that Wolverine football is back might have been a bit premature - just like you last night, from what I hear.
3. Brad Lidge. Christ, I don't even know where to start with this fucking guy. First of all, if it's your job to cover third, cover third. Secondly, don't hit a guy who has like, one hit in the entire world series. Thirdly, don't get hit around by the next couple of guys as if you were Phil Humber when you're supposed to be an elite closer, to the point where the only reason you even got out of the inning is because Posada got tossed trying to go to second. Look, you were known as "shaky" this year already, but this is unforgiveable. I thought the whole Blanton starting thing was a huge mistake by Manuel, and they really needed to copy New York and go to a three man rotation, but they got a good effort out of Blanton and were right in the game at 4-4. Enter Lidge, who is a walking implosion. You just can't do that. We can go ahead and give the rings to the stupid Yankees now if you want. I give up.
Screw you Philllies.
4. Corey Maggette. Started the season with a 3-14 shooting performance, and then followed it up going 2-7, all of which adds up to a 5-21 start and a 24% shooting percentage - worst in the NBA amongst qualified players. And, just so you're aware, he also has twice as many turnovers as assists thus far. Way to go Corey! I always thought Magette would be better than he ended up being. But I'm kind of an idiot, so no big shocker.
5. NCAA Fascists. FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT! Who's with me? FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT!! FREE.....
Now who is ready for some NCAA Basketball (even if it's just exhibition games)? I can't wait.
And speaking of Roundball, it sounds a lot like we may be getting some bad news from the U and Joel Maturi about Trevor Mbakwe today. I don't want to get too much into it until the details all come out, but if what I think is about to happen does happen, this is just a horrible, horrible decision at best, and irresponsible and ruins someone's future at worst. I am sure I'll get more into that later today when the everything is official. [NOTE: It's official. Post coming shortly]
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Adam Weber. It's hard to evaluate the team's overall performance, since there are plenty of awesome things you can point to, but just as many sucky ones, but there's no doubt Weber impressed in Saturday night's big 42-34 win over the Spartans. In his first full game without the next Wes Welker, Weber went 19-31 for a career high 416 yards and five scores, including two sixty-ish yarders to Duane Bennett, one of which was of the "immaculate reception" variety. Weber seemed to choose Tow-Arnett as his new favorite receiver, and he caught 8 of the 19 completions the Gophers recorded for the game, but overall the ball was spread out, with six different Gophers making a catch. I don't know if this is a step back in the right direction, or a good game against a forgiving defense, but for one week at least, Weber was certainly awesome.
2. Carmelo Anthony. Tearing. It. Up. Like Zack Morris at a high school prom. He's completely out of control. In the Nuggets' three games this year (all wins) he's put down 30, 41, and 42 points. As impressive as that is, he has shot 50, 53, and 58% in those three games from the floor, with overall shooting percentages of 54% from the floor, 43% from three, and 88% from the free throw line. Oh, and he's also averaging 7.0 rebounds, 4.3 assists, and 1.3 steals, all of which would be career highs other than the rebounds (would be second best). Want more? He's also turning it over just two times per game, which, yes, would be a career best. His 2003 draftmates Lebron and Wade may have had more success, and Lebron has an MVP while Wade has a championship, but Anthony looks like a whole different player. I'm declaring this the Year of the Melo.
3. Boston Celtics. It seems the reports that the Celtics were too old or fading weren't exactly true. Ok, so those might have been just eminating from my head and not the national media, but the point is that the C's went 4-0 here on opening week, and in impressive fashion at that. The four wins were over title contender Cleveland, playoff teams Chicago and New Orleans, and a complete ass-stomping of doormat Charlotte. As per usual, they did it with good defense (opponents FG% ranged from 31 to 42%) and a balanced scoring attack, with three different leading scorers and eight different players hitting double-digits in the four games. KG looks like maybe he did hit a wall, and is maybe not quite the same player, but he's smart enough and still good enough (and tall enough) to play a good complimentary role. If nothing else, that win over Cleveland let's all y'all know - the Celtics are a title contender.
4. Jonny Flynn. Looking very, very promising so far, leading the Wolves in scoring in their first two games with 17 and 18, including a big run in the fourth quarter of their first game (and only win) against New Jersey. Now, he's not exactly the best distributor yet, with just three assists per game (which sadly leads the team), and turns it over a bit too much, which is typical for a rookie, but his overall play has been a delight. He leads the team in scoring (15.3), as well as free throws both made and attempted (14-16). He's proving difficult to guard, gets to the paint, and draws a lot of fouls. Once his shot further develops and he becomes a better passer, he's going to be a star. Sorry Rubio, point guard spots taken.
5. Percy Harvin. Did you know that Brad Childress regularly ends special teams practice by having Percy return kicks with no blockers against the regular kickoff team - and he scores nearly 80% of the time? Did you know Percy once raced Secretariat, and won by five and a half lengths? Did you know Percy can catch a bullet fired out of a .357 Magnum between his fingers - from three feet? Did you know Percy can get to a Donkey Kong kill screen every time? Did you know Percy once knocked up your girlfriend just by winking at her?
WHO SUCKED
1. Charlotte Bobcats. While reading up for the coming NBA season, I saw more than one preview that mentioned the Bobcats would be much improved this year. Then the season started, and they lost by thirty to the Celtics. Then they only beat the craptastic Knicks by two and needed two overtimes to do it - at home, so I decided to actually look at their team and figure out if they were good or bad, and trust me - they're bad. Not only did they shoot under 38% in both games, including a 31% failure against Boston, but there is nobody on this roster. Ray Felton is solid, but behind him the only intriguing prospect is D.J. Augustin, and he plays the same position. They are starting Gerald Wallace and Stephen Graham, and Vladimir Radmanovic is their seventh man. This isn't an improving young team, this is a crappy team who can't even say it has a bright future, whoever is in charge has destroyed this team.
2. Michigan. You probably pay more attention than I do, so you probably know that Michigan sucks in the conference season, but I didn't, so it's news to me. I remember them coming out in the non-conference season and going 3-0 with a nice win over Notre Dame, and then nothing, but according to the standings they have gone just 2-4 since then, including what could only be called an embarrassing loss to Illinois on Saturday by the count of 38-13 - ouch. Basically, other than Notre Dame their wins this year are over Indiana, Delaware State, Western Michigan, and Eastern Michigan. It seems the reports that Wolverine football is back might have been a bit premature - just like you last night, from what I hear.
3. Brad Lidge. Christ, I don't even know where to start with this fucking guy. First of all, if it's your job to cover third, cover third. Secondly, don't hit a guy who has like, one hit in the entire world series. Thirdly, don't get hit around by the next couple of guys as if you were Phil Humber when you're supposed to be an elite closer, to the point where the only reason you even got out of the inning is because Posada got tossed trying to go to second. Look, you were known as "shaky" this year already, but this is unforgiveable. I thought the whole Blanton starting thing was a huge mistake by Manuel, and they really needed to copy New York and go to a three man rotation, but they got a good effort out of Blanton and were right in the game at 4-4. Enter Lidge, who is a walking implosion. You just can't do that. We can go ahead and give the rings to the stupid Yankees now if you want. I give up.
Screw you Philllies.
4. Corey Maggette. Started the season with a 3-14 shooting performance, and then followed it up going 2-7, all of which adds up to a 5-21 start and a 24% shooting percentage - worst in the NBA amongst qualified players. And, just so you're aware, he also has twice as many turnovers as assists thus far. Way to go Corey! I always thought Magette would be better than he ended up being. But I'm kind of an idiot, so no big shocker.
5. NCAA Fascists. FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT! Who's with me? FREE DEZ BRYANT! FREE DEZ BRYANT!! FREE.....
Now who is ready for some NCAA Basketball (even if it's just exhibition games)? I can't wait.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Weekend Review - 9/8/2009
If you're just here to read about the shitty Gopher football team, feel free to jump right on down to the "WHO SUCKED" section.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. BYU. What an excellent win for the Cougars, upsetting the #3 team in the country Oklahoma Sooners 14-13 Saturday. A lot of morons will point out that returning Heisman Trophy winner Sam "Sixkiller" Bradford was knocked out right before halftime with an injury, and will point to that as the reason why BYU was able to win this game. Sure, that didn't hurt, but when Bradford went down the score was just 10-7 in favor of the Sooners. Make no mistake, BYU is a very good team and this is a very impressive win. The fighting Mormons will still take on Florida State in their non-conference and have Utah and TCU has conference foes, which gives them three more top 20 opponents this season. If they can run the table after this win, things will be very interesting come year end. And by interesting I mean they will get screwed out of the BCS championship and there will be a lot of bitching but in the end nothing will change because "money makes the world go round, and ain't nothin' free in the world in life, no matter who you are in life everybody got their price."
Also I just read that Bradford reads the David vs. Goliath story from the Bible before every game. Dude. You're favored every time. That makes no damn sense. Think on that whilst you peruse this:
2. Oklahoma State football. In what was a very good week for the Big 12 (10-2 overall), the Cowboys' week one victory over #13 Georgia is certainly the most impressive. Dez Bryant (aka the next Michael Crabtree) caught 2 TD passes from gayly named QB Zac Robinson and OSU picked up a big win, 24-10. You know how good Bryant will be? I'm going to go ahead and tag this post with his name, just because I know I will be referencing him again in the future. Yeah. I did that.
3. Ralph Bolden. Yeah, I don't know who he is either, but when a Big Ten running back, in this case a Boiler, goes off for 234 rushing yards and two scores, I figure I should pay some attention. Since I didn't watch the game, I went to check on what my boys over at Boiled Sports had to say, but I got distracted because Purdue has a fullback with the name "Jared Crank." Is that the coolest thing you've ever heard or what? I don't even remember what else I was going to say. How fun would it be to introduce yourself to people if that was you name? And you know he hits the emphasis on the Crank, just to make the old white establishment a little uncomfortable.
4. Wade Davis. Do the Rays just have an unending stream of completely ridiculous awesome prospects or what? Davis was the team's #2 prospect going into the season (behind David Price) and made his first start yesterday. How'd he do? Seven innings, three hits, a walk, one run, and nine strikeouts. Seriously, they just have an unending stream of top prospects who actually pan out, so much so that they can go ahead and trade someone like Scott Kazmir. Meanwhile I'm stuck watching the Twins and the constant "upside = 4th starter" boners they trot out. Anthony Swarzak in the Twins' system is like Davis for the Rays right now. Remember when the Twins had a deep farm system? How do you screw that all up without actually bringing in any kind of worthwhile veteran player? I'm super crabby right now.
5. Jared Crank. Just so awesome. And he's only a sophomore. The next Mike Alstott?Sure, why not. Abso-freakin-lutely. Career stat tracker: 1 catch, 4 yds. 0 rushing attempts. Stay tuned for greatness.
WHO SUCKED
1. Gopher football. I know they won, and maybe sucked is a bit rough since they managed to come back and win in overtime, but this was an ugly, horrible, mistake-filled, boring, lame, crappy game - but yes they did win. Weber was essentially worthless all game, up until the last drive, and our new "weapon" MarQueis Gray got what, two snaps? Ugly game, luckily the 'Cuse was so awful (although I found myself impressed a bit by Paulus, I expected much worse) that it didn't matter in the end, when Weber finally got his shit together. Expectations have been tempered, with the defense looking like the same porous unit we saw last year, but, if you want to be an optimist, a win is a win, and a win on the road against a BCS conference team is a good win. I, on the other hand, prefer to look at this as a reminder that Gopher football sucks, and they'll be lucky to make a bowl game.
I also wanted to quickly say, and this is very difficult for me, that I was wrong about Eric Decker. I've always thought he was more a product of Weber having radar lock on him, but it turns out he's actually a very, very good receiver. I don't know what it was about this particular game that won me over (probably that catch in double coverage he had no business coming down with), but I have been won and now think he would be a good second round pick for somebody.
That hurt.
2. Big Ten football. The whole, "The Big Ten Conference sucks" talk is going to start even earlier this season and likely get even more annoying than usual thanks to a lackluster first weekend amongst the teams. Not only did the Gophers get taken to OT by the Orange, but Ohio State, Iowa, Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin were all disappointments as well. Nobody moreso than the Illini, who welcomed their hated rival Missouri into Champaign and ended up getting their tails kicked, 37-9 as Juice Williams continues to do his best Vince Young impression (the pro version). Iowa (a 30 point favorite) had to block two Northern Iowa field goals in the last few seconds thanks to a rule that I still don't understand to avoid losing to the I-AA school (or whatever it's called now). Wisconsin (a 19 point favorite) only beat Northern Illinois by 8 and Indiana, a 30 point favorite over Eastern Kentucky, prevailed by just six after not scoring the entire second half. Even Ohio State, the jewel of the conference and a 21 point favorite, needed an interception on a 2-pt conversion attempt to beat Navy. If OSU gets their doors blown off this week by USC (and if Michigan loses to Notre Dame) expect the Big Ten bashing to reach epic proportions.
3. The Minnesota Twins. The stupid Twins lost 2 of 3 this weekend to the piece of crap Indians, while the Tigers swept the Rays to extend their lead in the central to an almost certainly insurmountable seven game lead. The suddenly offensively challenged Twins scored all of seven runs in the three games, which is understandable considering they faced Cy Young contenders Jeremy Sowers, Justin Masterson, and David Huff. Special shout out to Justin Morneau, who went 0-11 in the series, running his hitless streak to 19 straight at-bats. Remember those MVP dreams? Or worrying about Morneau stealing MVP votes from Mauer? Yeah. I think we're good.
4. Josh Hamilton. Remember last year how everybody was so madly in love with Hamilton because he had the talent to make millions playing a kids' game but pissed it away crack and then got clean because his grandma yelled at him and then made it back to the pros and hit 11 billion home runs in the home run derby but lost to Justin Morneau but nobody remembers that and then this year he has sucked and fell off the wagon that one time with the booze? Remember all that? Well Hamilton still stucks this year, but now he is battling a bad back and even had to get an epidural this weekend, as is looking at getting another shot tomorrow. You know what they say; Epidurals are a gateway drug. I fully expect a backslide, leading to some time in a Tijuana prison for drug trafficking. I'm just stating the obvious. Also I want to use this space to tell you that Ben Stiller is really not that funny. Stop it.
5. Pittsburgh Pirates. Seventeen straight losing seasons. Seventeen. They actually held it off yesterday with a walk-off Garrett Jones hit (GARRETT JONES!!!) to beat the Cards, but they aren't going to run the table, and as such are going to hit the record for consecutive losing seasons by a major american sport team. I do like what the Pirates are doing finally, blowing up the whole deal and essentially starting over. They have shipped off almost any "veteran" with talent, and with the exception of the McLouth trade they all make a ton of sense, and they are stockpiling arms and prospects and have a little hope for the first time in a long time. That, of course, doesn't change the fact that they haven't had a winning season since 1992. Zane freaking Smith was on that team. As were Gary Redus, Cecil Espy. Lloyd Mcclendon, Steve Buechele, Mike LaValliere, tom Prince, and Bob Walk. If you're not getting how long ago that was just yet, how about these things which happened in 1992:
The last thing I want to mention is that if you aren't watching Greek on ABC Family, you need to start. It's really an excellent show, and if you need more convincing here are four very good reasons:
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. BYU. What an excellent win for the Cougars, upsetting the #3 team in the country Oklahoma Sooners 14-13 Saturday. A lot of morons will point out that returning Heisman Trophy winner Sam "Sixkiller" Bradford was knocked out right before halftime with an injury, and will point to that as the reason why BYU was able to win this game. Sure, that didn't hurt, but when Bradford went down the score was just 10-7 in favor of the Sooners. Make no mistake, BYU is a very good team and this is a very impressive win. The fighting Mormons will still take on Florida State in their non-conference and have Utah and TCU has conference foes, which gives them three more top 20 opponents this season. If they can run the table after this win, things will be very interesting come year end. And by interesting I mean they will get screwed out of the BCS championship and there will be a lot of bitching but in the end nothing will change because "money makes the world go round, and ain't nothin' free in the world in life, no matter who you are in life everybody got their price."
Also I just read that Bradford reads the David vs. Goliath story from the Bible before every game. Dude. You're favored every time. That makes no damn sense. Think on that whilst you peruse this:
2. Oklahoma State football. In what was a very good week for the Big 12 (10-2 overall), the Cowboys' week one victory over #13 Georgia is certainly the most impressive. Dez Bryant (aka the next Michael Crabtree) caught 2 TD passes from gayly named QB Zac Robinson and OSU picked up a big win, 24-10. You know how good Bryant will be? I'm going to go ahead and tag this post with his name, just because I know I will be referencing him again in the future. Yeah. I did that.
3. Ralph Bolden. Yeah, I don't know who he is either, but when a Big Ten running back, in this case a Boiler, goes off for 234 rushing yards and two scores, I figure I should pay some attention. Since I didn't watch the game, I went to check on what my boys over at Boiled Sports had to say, but I got distracted because Purdue has a fullback with the name "Jared Crank." Is that the coolest thing you've ever heard or what? I don't even remember what else I was going to say. How fun would it be to introduce yourself to people if that was you name? And you know he hits the emphasis on the Crank, just to make the old white establishment a little uncomfortable.
4. Wade Davis. Do the Rays just have an unending stream of completely ridiculous awesome prospects or what? Davis was the team's #2 prospect going into the season (behind David Price) and made his first start yesterday. How'd he do? Seven innings, three hits, a walk, one run, and nine strikeouts. Seriously, they just have an unending stream of top prospects who actually pan out, so much so that they can go ahead and trade someone like Scott Kazmir. Meanwhile I'm stuck watching the Twins and the constant "upside = 4th starter" boners they trot out. Anthony Swarzak in the Twins' system is like Davis for the Rays right now. Remember when the Twins had a deep farm system? How do you screw that all up without actually bringing in any kind of worthwhile veteran player? I'm super crabby right now.
5. Jared Crank. Just so awesome. And he's only a sophomore. The next Mike Alstott?
WHO SUCKED
1. Gopher football. I know they won, and maybe sucked is a bit rough since they managed to come back and win in overtime, but this was an ugly, horrible, mistake-filled, boring, lame, crappy game - but yes they did win. Weber was essentially worthless all game, up until the last drive, and our new "weapon" MarQueis Gray got what, two snaps? Ugly game, luckily the 'Cuse was so awful (although I found myself impressed a bit by Paulus, I expected much worse) that it didn't matter in the end, when Weber finally got his shit together. Expectations have been tempered, with the defense looking like the same porous unit we saw last year, but, if you want to be an optimist, a win is a win, and a win on the road against a BCS conference team is a good win. I, on the other hand, prefer to look at this as a reminder that Gopher football sucks, and they'll be lucky to make a bowl game.
I also wanted to quickly say, and this is very difficult for me, that I was wrong about Eric Decker. I've always thought he was more a product of Weber having radar lock on him, but it turns out he's actually a very, very good receiver. I don't know what it was about this particular game that won me over (probably that catch in double coverage he had no business coming down with), but I have been won and now think he would be a good second round pick for somebody.
That hurt.
2. Big Ten football. The whole, "The Big Ten Conference sucks" talk is going to start even earlier this season and likely get even more annoying than usual thanks to a lackluster first weekend amongst the teams. Not only did the Gophers get taken to OT by the Orange, but Ohio State, Iowa, Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin were all disappointments as well. Nobody moreso than the Illini, who welcomed their hated rival Missouri into Champaign and ended up getting their tails kicked, 37-9 as Juice Williams continues to do his best Vince Young impression (the pro version). Iowa (a 30 point favorite) had to block two Northern Iowa field goals in the last few seconds thanks to a rule that I still don't understand to avoid losing to the I-AA school (or whatever it's called now). Wisconsin (a 19 point favorite) only beat Northern Illinois by 8 and Indiana, a 30 point favorite over Eastern Kentucky, prevailed by just six after not scoring the entire second half. Even Ohio State, the jewel of the conference and a 21 point favorite, needed an interception on a 2-pt conversion attempt to beat Navy. If OSU gets their doors blown off this week by USC (and if Michigan loses to Notre Dame) expect the Big Ten bashing to reach epic proportions.
3. The Minnesota Twins. The stupid Twins lost 2 of 3 this weekend to the piece of crap Indians, while the Tigers swept the Rays to extend their lead in the central to an almost certainly insurmountable seven game lead. The suddenly offensively challenged Twins scored all of seven runs in the three games, which is understandable considering they faced Cy Young contenders Jeremy Sowers, Justin Masterson, and David Huff. Special shout out to Justin Morneau, who went 0-11 in the series, running his hitless streak to 19 straight at-bats. Remember those MVP dreams? Or worrying about Morneau stealing MVP votes from Mauer? Yeah. I think we're good.
4. Josh Hamilton. Remember last year how everybody was so madly in love with Hamilton because he had the talent to make millions playing a kids' game but pissed it away crack and then got clean because his grandma yelled at him and then made it back to the pros and hit 11 billion home runs in the home run derby but lost to Justin Morneau but nobody remembers that and then this year he has sucked and fell off the wagon that one time with the booze? Remember all that? Well Hamilton still stucks this year, but now he is battling a bad back and even had to get an epidural this weekend, as is looking at getting another shot tomorrow. You know what they say; Epidurals are a gateway drug. I fully expect a backslide, leading to some time in a Tijuana prison for drug trafficking. I'm just stating the obvious. Also I want to use this space to tell you that Ben Stiller is really not that funny. Stop it.
5. Pittsburgh Pirates. Seventeen straight losing seasons. Seventeen. They actually held it off yesterday with a walk-off Garrett Jones hit (GARRETT JONES!!!) to beat the Cards, but they aren't going to run the table, and as such are going to hit the record for consecutive losing seasons by a major american sport team. I do like what the Pirates are doing finally, blowing up the whole deal and essentially starting over. They have shipped off almost any "veteran" with talent, and with the exception of the McLouth trade they all make a ton of sense, and they are stockpiling arms and prospects and have a little hope for the first time in a long time. That, of course, doesn't change the fact that they haven't had a winning season since 1992. Zane freaking Smith was on that team. As were Gary Redus, Cecil Espy. Lloyd Mcclendon, Steve Buechele, Mike LaValliere, tom Prince, and Bob Walk. If you're not getting how long ago that was just yet, how about these things which happened in 1992:
- The Redskins won the Super Bowl over the Bills at the Metrodome
- Mike Tyson was convicted of rape (yeah, right)
- The English FA Premier League was formed
- Jeff Dahmer was framed and sentenced to life in prison
- John Gotti was framed and sentenced to life in prison
- Microsoft releases Windows 3.1
- Johnny Carson retires from The Tonight Show
- Brett Favre made his first start for the Pack
The last thing I want to mention is that if you aren't watching Greek on ABC Family, you need to start. It's really an excellent show, and if you need more convincing here are four very good reasons:
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