Friday, November 28, 2008

Hockey, Hockey, Hockey.

I'm still feeling the effects of all the turkey I ate yesterday. Well that and the pie, cookies, dip, stuffing, mashed potatoes, crackers, cheese, and whatever else got in my way. Now I plan to spend my day after Thanksgiving like any other money grubbing American. I will spend it shopping. If by shopping you mean buying several beers at the X then yes, I will be out shopping. And since I'm on a roll from yesterday I might as well throw in some cheese curds. Yum.

Mrs. Optimator and I will be attending the Wild game this afternoon at 1:00. The Wild are coming off another terrible loss to the Stars. They have lost their last 3 of 4 at home. Today they face off against the Tampa Bay Lightning. It should be close, low scoring, and boring game. Both teams are easily ranked in the bottom half in the NHL in goals for. It will probably be a total snooze fest but hey, it's hockey, and an excuse to go drink beer at 1 on a Friday. However, I was just thinking. That is actually later than a recent time with Snacks and the Todd when we met for lunch. W was MIA. More like AWOL. Back to hockey. I've been playing quite a bit of NHL 09 on the playstation lately and being the rube that I am I have to play as the Wild. They have this guy on the video game roster that is just awesome. He is so fricken dominant. I wonder what it would be like if that guy actually played for the Wild. His name is Marion Goborik. Have you heard of him before?

There was a quality article by Mr. Reusse the other day. I know. Hard to imagine. This was the "2008 Turkey of the Year" awards column. Wouldn't you guess who took home the turkey. Good old Marion Gaborik.

"We're now ready for the Grand Turkey -- and for the first time the winner is a ghost ... Marian Gaborik.

He was invisible for the Wild in the playoffs last spring. He's been invisible for the past seven weeks after allegedly suffering a mid-torso injury in an intense game of Hacky Sack.

Between these disappearances, Gaborik turned down the Wild's long-term offer for many millions.

Sad to say, the Turkey Committee couldn't locate Gaborik to invite him to the banquet and to hear our clarion call for change. Of course, in Marian's case, change could come in the simple act of playing a game." -

I think the really funny part about this is that Glen Taylor was the runner up. That is hilarious. I was thinking he would have been awarded a much more prestigious life time achievement. Check out the Wolves sweet win percentage this year, 0.231. Ouch.

Moving on to Gopher hockey.

For the second consecutive week, the Gopher hockey team is at the top of the list in the nationwide polls. I'm not sure how that works after splitting and getting destroyed 0-4 in the loss. I'll take it though. I guess we just suck less than the rest.

The Gophers will be hosting Michigan tonight and Michigan State tomorrow. I'm thinking they car pooled over here to save money on gas. The Gophers should win both games handily. The Todd and I will be attending tomorrow nights game. The Gophers have yet to lose the second game of the weekend and the trend will continue. I'm happy to say that Sioux fans can't say the same. Not even if you could understand them through their drunken, mumbling mouths and their team didn't suck...or blow. I don't know which. I always get them mixed up with Wisconsin.

For those of you not at at work, I hope you can enjoy the day off by doing something other than shopping. For those of you at work, sucks to be you. I'll have a beer on your behalf.


Ok, The Todd and I are watching this embarrassment and decided to fire up the ol' laptop. We will be live blogging the remainder of this terrible game.

The Todd and I (Optimator) turn on the game during the first intermission. Much to our chagrin they are down 2-0. Nothing to worry about right? WRONG!!! Within in the next few minutes they give up two more. What is going on here.

Have you ever wondered who the backup goalie is for the Gophers? Well we just found out. His name Ken Patterson. I'm not sure if that name sounds porn starrish or local on-the-scene news reporter. Either way, the name does not sound like a hockey goalie.

10:42 in the 2nd - Freshman Jordan Schroeder puts one on the board for the Gophers. He is a stud. Let's hope that's not the last one for the Gophers tonight.

11:53 in the 2nd - Ryan Stoa takes a stupid penalty. He should be scoring goals, not giving up power plays.

I have tought Mrs. Optimator all of the different penalty calls so she is quite savvy. She knew the penalty and the hand gesture straight away. That got us to talking. The Todd has almost no clue about basketball fouls. I just explained how 1 and 1's work. He kept saying 1 in 1. No The Todd, 1 AND 1!

The Todd is here.

Hello my peeps...I have to piss. I'm happy to report that the first Gopher action I'm able to take in this year is a complete poop sandwich. WTF. Lifeless is the best term I can come up with at this point.

On a lighter note, Optimator and I will be taking in the game live tomorrow from the Yooch against the hated MSU Spartans. If you're wondering, I'll be wearing my Gopher Jersey SANS my name on the back. I'm never too old for that.

I did my part today to stimulate the economy, good times right there. How about the savages in NY who happened to trample to death some poor Walmart employee? Jesus, I've lost all faith in the human race, I mean honestly. If you don't get the Sponge Bob Square Pants backpack for $4 off, life will go on. Pretty sure the sun will rise tomorrow.

Surprise surprise, open the flood gates...the Wolverines just scored to take a 5-1 lead with 1:09 left in the second which at this point, seems insurmountable. F to you Red Berenson, F to you. PS, the flat top went out of style in the 70s, get with the times.

I'd also like to point out that I'm 5th wheelin it right now and the two married couples are conversing about muskrats and dogs fighting in the BEAVERS..."those things are BIG."

Stop the presses, the Gophers just scored with 18 seconds to go in the period...Ryan Stoa to the rescue...there's still a shred of hope.

2nd intermission is upon us with the Gophers in quite a hole down 5-2. I've been in worse situations, like that time I shat on a friend's lazyboy chair in my drunken sleep...that was EMBARRASSING. With that, I'm off to get myself a High Life Light, in a pretty decorative camoflauge can...nothing screams class more than that. Toodles...

And we're back...start of the third...still The Todd here. I just glanced and someone scored for the Gophers cutting the lead to 5-3 with about 15 minutes to we go boys.

I just finished explaining to Optimators what "Wall-to-Wall" means on Facebook.

In the mail today I received a sweet Christmas card from Snacks and his wife...LOVE IT! Swear to god buddy, I've got it up on my fridge. I think it'd be funny if I took one of myself and sent them out. Yes, I'm a little bitter about a single loser at this point in my life.

We've got music rockin in the background and a little Freak On A Leash by Korn came up...ah yes, the good old days. Blind, circa the mid 90's sticks out for me for some reason.

13:22 to go here, still down two. It's hard to live blog and still watch the game. How do you do it WWWWW??

I haven't gotten a lot of good sleep this week as my parents are in town so I've been relegated to the single bed in my spare bedroom being the nice guy I am. Oh yah, and I'm with the dog (no, there's no peanut butter). He won't move to save his life so yah, I've got a kink in my neck and bags under my eyes the size of Bogart's sack.

Optimators was dead on by saying how lame it is without Woog giving the play by play. TBN just isn't cutting it.

Oooo, I think we might be firing up an intense game of Phase 10 shortly...AND, Prince just came up on the shuffle...said Optimators, "people are going to start having sex!" I hope it's me...with a girl.

I just realized I haven't showered today. Up early this morning to hit Best Buy. Oh how I love BB and schmegma i.e. fumunda cheese.

I'm happy to report I'll be starting a new cardio program possibly as early as tomorrow. DDR. For those of you out of the loop, that stands for Dance Dance Revolution. That's right, laugh all you want but I hate running and this will hopefully get me off the couch unlike Facebook and Guitar Hero.

Mmm, the McDonald's adds on the boards are making me really hungry.

And UM (Wolverines) just put it away with 9:14 to go. We'll give them that, that was pretty. Ain't no thang, it's not even December for cripes sake...lot of season left.

This is a terrible live blog and I'm 100% sure it's because I'm stone sober. I know, I can't believe it either.

I might be on my own here but I do like Michigan's helmets with the yellow on it.

Ooo and now a Wendy's add I've spotted on the boards. Did I ever tell you the time I went to Wendy's twice within 45 minutes spending about $15 total? Great day right there.

Mike Hoeffel, WTF have you been all year...he hasn't done shit yet has he? Bring back Bonin.

Best part of the night...guess the band game...I name the band...Optimator's wife doesn't hear it, throws out some band name which is wrong...with Optimators turning to her and saying, "you're embarrassing me."

And with that, we're off to play cards...good night and good luck!


hockey posts suck now said...

Wow... the two worst bloggers on DWG colaborated to write the worst post in history. Congrats on that.

The Todd said...

Congrats to your mom being a whore...go fuck youself!

Your still lame said...

oh.. my mom is a whore. WOW that is about as creative as your lame as shit post.

Anonymous said...

Redundancy is ignorance cloaked in failure.

The Todd said...

Once again, your idiocy precedes you…go ahead and Wiki your/you’re you fucking incompetent mouth breathing fool.

Snake said...

Todd- Have you ever seen Bogarts balls? His package looks like a cocktail weenie riding on two cheese balls. After reading your reference I would have guessed you slept like a baby all weekend long.

Optimator said...

Wooh, someone fired up The Todd today.

Sticks and stones people, sticks and stones.

Oh and the redundancy comment is about the dumbest thing I've heard all year and it's been a long year.

Your stupidity has a thick candy shell on it without the chocolaty center.

the Todd said...

I haven't seen Bogart's balls but just assumed they were huge being he's a tall, lanky fella. Based on what I've seen at Lifetime on the tall lanky dudes in the shower anyway. They're all taters. Sack kings, all of 'em.

It was fun to stalk you two at the game. Optimator and I walked right past you in the concourse but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have a clue what either of us look like. Were you two holding hands? Optimator and I would make out every time the Gophers scored. We got some weird looks but it was worth it, he has the softest lips.

And yes, I did sleep like a baby. I'm mailing O'Bama a letter right requesting Thanksgiving be turned into a monthly holiday.

Snake said...

I think we did see you. We thought it was Spencer Tollackson and giggled because we thought he REALLY let himself go after his basketball career ended. We should have realized it was you. Now get back to arguing with the idiot poster.

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