Am I the only person who didn't know this?

Some things I've learned this postseason:

Red Sox fans are still annoying
I miss Matt Garza
Tim McCarver is worse than I remember

B.J. Upton's first name is Melvin. I always figured it was Benjamin or something. What does B.J. stand for then? Bossman Junior. That's fucking awesome.

BOSSMAN JUNIOR. This is not getting enough attention from the media. In a world filled with pseudo-nicknames like A-Rod, Bossman Junior Upton is flying under the radar.

Super Hockey Preview Post

I figured I better get this up, seeing how everyone is getting all spastic. Remember, I didn't write this. Mama Dawger did. I'm just posting it because Snake is too lazy to write his own preview and somehow got her to do it. Completely unedited except for page breaks because that shit was impossible to read.

Oh, and the picture was sent to me too. That's Baby Dawger being abused by her parents. No, we aren't going to turn this into a baby pictures blog.

Here we go, Mama Dawger's initial post:

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SIOUX Hockey Preview Bitches

I know that is what you have all been waiting for......a witty, SIOUX hating hockey preview from Snake but that isnt going to happen today. Lucky you. Instead you got SIOUXPER Sioux fan aka Mama Dawger to catch you up on EVERYTHING you wanted to know about this seasons (Sioux) hockey team!

- See above pic! Baby Dawger rockin her Sioux gear. God she loves it.

So after a disappointing semi final game last year 2 of the Sioux's stand out players T.J Oshie and Taylor Chorney swore that they would stay one more year and get that national title......well the little pricks decided to take the paycheck instead and move on and make their NHL debut. We lost Jean-Phillipe Lameroux aka (worst goalie of all time, other then that tool Jordan Parise) to graduation this year along with the worlds best handicapped defense men Robbie Bina (aka Dawgs favorite player).

So this year we are looking at a couple of veterans to lead us to that Championship this year. We have returning of course Ryan 'that guy who won the Hoby a couple years ago but then sucked after' Duncan, and Joe Finley the 'cake eating' kid from Eden Prairie who my Grandma is in love with. She is always telling him to stop fighting..haha...Gma..haha

We also have some new guys on the team this year. Mario Lameroux, David Toews. Sound Familiar? That is because they are all the little bro's of Phil and Jonathan former Sioux stand outs.

We also have a new goaltender by the name of Brad Eidsness who has been drafted by the Buffalo Sabres. People are worried about him and we have suffered in the rankings because of it but hey that is what people thought about CC last season.
Our trend seems to be start out slow and then rock it the last half of the season. Hopefully we can get off to a good start beginning with the BU and UMass games this weekend. We are looking forward to playing against BU's frosh goalie as well.

Gopher's anyone? Incase anyone is interested here is the preview.

They play British Columbia in an exhibition game tonight then have tomorrow off. You will do decent throughout the year of course losing to UND at the Holy Grail of Arena's The Ralph. Which you will all make excuses for and call us goon's (sound familiar Dawg). Then you will get to the point of the season where it actually matters and you will suck it and you will suck it bad. yeah I would say that is pretty accurate.

I would anticipate Gophers will take British Columbia and the SIOUX may spilt. I still hold firm that UMD will beat Superior regardless of what Snake says.
Speaking of Snake he lucked out this year because the gayer then Blake Wheeler NCAA said we are no longer allowed to have a college fantasy hockey league. It is free for god sakes let us have some fun. Snake basically came in dead last....not that I did much better but I still beat him and I am a chic so that means he sucks and I am awesome.

Poor Dawg is going to have to drag his hockey hating, Oshie loving ass to Joe Sensors with me, Snake, Baby SiouxFan Dawger, and On the verge Sioux Fan lil Snake this season to watch the team that God made with his own hands and handed down to the beautiful state of North Dakota...hey.

Well, let the savaging begin..........

-Siouxfan out

SIOUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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Hurry back Snake.

Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME:

1. Gopher Football. Nice to finally be able to put them up in this category instead of down below, but they belong here after a very nice win at Illinois on Saturday. I won’t even emphasize how the Illinois were pretty much able to move up and down the field at will, and basically did everything in their power to give the game away and still managed to almost win. Instead, I’ll focus on the Gophers’ ability to make the big play when needed, whether the big run by Eskridge or VanDeSteeg getting after The Juice and causing yet another Illini turnover. Any way you want to slice it, this is a huge win for the program, and it really shows that they have come along way, even since last season. Although let’s not start talking Rose Bowl just yet, nerds. For a better breakdown on the game, check out Buck Bravo and The Gopher Football blog's takes.

2. Baseball Playoffs. How awesome are the baseball playoffs? It’s this time of the year when I really don’t understand those folk who dislike baseball. I can kind of get it during the regular season, since it is quite long with the 162 games – even though it’s perfect to me. But during the playoffs here? The awesome fun of the couple of extra inning games already? Watching Evan Longoria in his first playoffs, leading the young, awesome, fun Rays against the dirty evil Red Sox. Watching Cole Hamels and Dice K slice up the opposing batters, and just the whole overall dynamic where every game means so much. It’s just so awesome.

3. Andre Johnson. Speaking of awesome, did you see how the incredible and uncoverable Andre Johnson run around the Miami Dolphins secondary like they were children? The guy is just straight up amazing. Ten catches for 178 yards and a TD and it doesn’t even look like he’s trying. So good.

4. Penn State. Maybe the Big Ten does have an actual good team this year, just not the one everyone thought it would be at the beginning of the season. The Nittany Lions dismantled Wisconsin 48-7 over the weekend in Madison, running their Big Ten record to 3-0. With a win in the books over Illinois as well, they only have a game at Ohio State and a home game against Michigan State left to deal with. After everything else that happened this weekend, Penn State is up to #3 in the country and has a shot to end up in the National Title Game. Woo hoo! Go Big Ten!

5. Indianapolis Colts. If you're going to make a statement, why not make it against a top defense when your starting running back gets hurt after just two carries? Peyton shredded the overrated Ravens defense to the tune of 271 yards and 3 scores in a 31-3 Colts' win that ended up pretty much being a game of call your own score.

WHO SUCKED

1. Vikings. Wow, just wow. And not in a good way. A 13 point favorite at home against a team that is bottom five in the league in passing yards allowed, rushing yards allowed, and points allowed and you manage to come up with 12 points, 10 by the offense? And pretty much need to be bailed out by the refs to end up winning this game? Might was well forget about the playoffs at this point. Sure it’s a win, but this can’t be a proud day for that weirdo we saw at the Fridley Legion Saturday night wearing a Vikings hat, Vikings shirt, and Vikings pants. Yes, Vikings pants.

2. Patriots. I guess at least the Vikings won, unlike New England, who embarrassed themselves all over national TV against the Chargers last night, going down 30-10. I guess Tom Brady is pretty important to that team after all, especially since, with the exception of one long TD against Miami, Randy Moss has pretty much turned into Bobby Wade with Cassel running the show. Or maybe the problem last night was that Maroney was hurt? That's probably it.

3. Top 4 Ranked College Football Teams (Except Alabama). Now, as Snacks mentioned to me, some of these probably shouldn't be called "upsets", but three of the top four teams went down hard (insert your own joke) this weekend. #1 Oklahoma lost to Texas, #3 Missouri lost to Oklahoma State, and #4 LSU got beat by Florida. The only real upset here was the Mizzou loss, particularly being at home. Losing to Texas at a "neutral" site or losing at Florida is nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn't really be considered at upset, but because college football's way to crown a national champion is so awesome, these teams are probably screwed now. I LOVE THE BCS!!!!!!11

4. Josh Beckett/Scott Kazmir. I was all excited to watch this big Kazmir/Beckett matchup on Saturday night, expecting a nice, tight, low scoring game, probably well under the post Over/Under of 8 runs. Instead I got Livan Hernandez vs. Carlos Silva. Kazmir "outdueled" Beckett, both not even getting out of the fifth, Kaz giving up five runs, Beckett eight. Beckett was pretty much the opposite of his big-time playoff pitcher reputation, getting absolutely smashed, while Kazmir, an excellent strikeout pitcher (led AL in K/9) suddenly turned into Nick Blackburn*, continually getting two strikes on guys and then letting them hit the ball very hard where there wasn't a fielder or sometimes even over the fence like that little weiner nerd Dustin Pedroia. Anyway they both sucked. And why the hell is the Tampa/Boston game at 3:30 today? Super irritating.

5. The DWG Jinx. I'm not exactly sure if this is awesome or sucks. Sometimes it happens to teams I actually like and/or talk up and it sucks, but to have this kind of power is pretty awesome. Last week, I mentioned Missouri, Vanderbilt, and the NFC East all as being awesome. Both Missouri and Vandy lost to inferior teams, while the Cowboys were upset by the Cardinals and the Skins gave the Rams their first win. Previous version of the Weekend Review talked up CC Sabathia who then got bombed in the playoffs, Scott Baker and the Twins who then lost to the White Sox, and East Carolina who were then upset by a crappy team to kill their BCS hopes. Now, I'm not saying this is all proof of a DWG Jinx or anything, but it's definitely something to keep an eye on. And let me just say, The Red Sox are totally awesome and will kick the crap out of everyone.


* comparison originally made by Snacks

This will be Short

I don't want to blog tonight because I'm tired and drunk, but I just want to mention that I was 3-0 tonight on baseball bets:

Phillies win: check
Under 7.5 runs: check
Hamels over 7.5 walks + Ks: check

Holla.

- Have you ever watched Hamels pitch? Dude is crazy good. He's basically Radke with an actual major league fastball and a much better curve ball. Tonight he was way off. Missed target after target and was wild as hell (for him), but still managed 7ip 6h, 2 bb, 2er, 8k. Just so good. In his next game, bet the house on the Phils.

- Dallas local NBC news affiliate has a correspondent named 'Ashanti Blaize'. I'm not even kidding. I can't even make up something more fake than that. Ok, I can. How bout Rihanna Crotchrocket. There you go.

- Did anybody ever see that movie that I think was called the Strangers? That looked creepy as hell, and not just because of Liv Tyler. Is it out on video?

- Oh and here's that Oklahoma picture Snacks keeps blathering about:

- Have you ever watched this Two and a Half Men show? It's garbage.

- Although this episode just got better because it has the underrated Melanie Lynskey in it. Look:
Holla.

- Did anybody just love that Zelda picture from yesterday's post? It's funny because Link is the hero in Zelda. Get it? Whatever. You're stupid anyway.

- You know who sucks now? Rick Reilly. He used to be pretty entertaining when he was with SI. Now that he's with ESPN, he writes nothing but weepy feel-good articles for stupid women who are weepy and like to feel good. Look at his last few articles for them: John Lynch is having trouble being retired. A high school football team in Minnesota with only 19 players just won't quit. College football coaches are liars. Something about the Chinese. Some weirdy with no arms or legs who is 'making the most of his life.' Some minor league players who 'would be pros if they had just taken steroids like so many others but they're different so they're wholesome.' Oh my god puke me in the face. It's like an episode of Oprah or the View but it's for ESPN. I can only assume all the ESPN guys who hired him are trying to find a way out of the contract.

- Baseball bets for tomorrow: Dodgers and Rays, both unders.

- You know what i really like? Machines that talk to me. Not with sounds, but with text. Like my DVD player at home. When you turn it on, it says 'Welcome to DVD World' in the little display area, and when you turn it off, it says 'Bye.' And my microwave, when it is done and the timer goes off it says 'Food is ready.' That's just good manners, and it makes me feel good. Win-win.

- You know what else makes me sad? People who are adults and own fatheads. You know the big giant stickers of athletes that are like, as big as a wall? Kids, yeah, whatever, kids are dumb. But there are actually adults who own these. Like, The Sidler. He owns two Peyton Manning ones. Two! Let's all make fun of him and say bad words.

- Confused about who to vote for? So was I. Until now: Case closed.

- Do you know who Leighton Meester is? Probably not, but she's all popular now because she's on Gossip Girl. But she was way hotter and way awesomer on a show called Surface that nobody watched but me and Theory. Surface was an awesome show and should at the very least be re-runned on Sci fi, but it was canceled and is all dead now. dumb.

- Want some Gopher news? Well it's really too bad for you then. You should probably read a blog that isn't written by a drunken retard. My life is sad.

- So the economy is pretty much in the toilet. That'll show all you people who said I was an idiot for not being able to figure out my new company's 401k plan. Who's the stupidhead now?

- Thanks for reading. I truly appreciate your patronage. Or whatevr. This was really not by best effort. I aplogize.

I want this guy to play SS for the Twins next year

Tell me this guy wouldn't end up in a ton of commercials for the Twins.

As I've mentioned more than a few times, I think J.J. Hardy is the most logical SS option for the Twins next season. Unlike some other options; he's young (25), talented, has power, is right-handed, and isn't named Punto.

One of the least-attractive rumored options is Orlando Cabrera. Aaron Gleeman did the work I was going to do in a post, but let's just say I don't think it is worth 3-years and $30 million to sign a 33-year old SS that was statistically worse than Nick Punto this season. Seriously, Punto is 3 years younger and had a better batting average, on-base AND slugging percentages, and a better revised zone rating than Cabrera.

Here's why Hardy would be an awesome addition--the list of Twins regulars with a better SLG than Hardy is as follows: Justin Morneau.

Twins regulars with a higher OPS: Morneau and Mauer.

Did I mention he's right handed and plays solid defense at a premium defensive position? And he's under team control (from what I can tell) for the next three seasons, albeit in the starting-to-get-expensive arbitration years.

What I can't figure out is what the Brewers will want in return. The rumors are that he's available since the Crew thinks Alcides Escobar is ready to take over at SS. But Hardy's bat and glove fits at 3B and 2B, so maybe they will move him to one of those positions to take over for Ricky Weeks or whoever is scheduled for 3B (Counsell, Hall, or Mat Gamel?).

With Sheets and Sabathia presumably leaving via free agency, I have to think Milwaukee would be interested in pitching. Another opening could be CF, but the corner OF spots are filled by Braun and Hart.

Would a Perkins + (minor league pitching) or Blackburn+ package be enough? What about Gomez and Span, could they have enough value? The Brewers system had a ton of solid hitters, so maybe expand a trade and get more minor league pitchers involved for some of Milwaukee's hitters?

I really have no clue what Milwaukee would want in return, but Hardy is a great fit for the Twins. Stick Harris and Buscher at 3B, call the infield done for 2009, and move on to the bullpen.

Tejas

Well, I'm here in Dallas, stuck in a crappy hotel all by myself. You know what that means, drunk blogging. There's no better way to waste time. You know what they got in Texas? Steers and Queers. And I ain't seen no steers.

Since I'm by myself I figured I'd have a nice steak or prime rib dinner to charge the company, but this place is surrounded by nothing but chains. Not even an Outback. So instead of some crap like Chili's or Crapplebee's, I headed over to the local Buffalo Wild Wings because it's always good and they have trivia (which I dominated). Coming down here I almost wore my Baylor hat, which I picked up because they are the sleeper basketball team of 2008-2009 TM, but thought better of it because Texans are crazy. I didn't some good ole boy in a ten gallon hat that says Texas A&M on it gettin' all up in my business. Plus, if stereotypes have taught me anything it's that all Texans carry guns and aren't afraid to use them. And I don't carry my gun anymore to travel, not since that little incident, so it wouldn't have been a fair fight. That's just stress I don't need.

I did enjoy the two dudes right next to me who ordered a big ole basket of boneless wings to share - and then shared the sauce too. Hello queers. Again, I didn't even dare look sideways at them since they probably had guns, too. With pink and/or rainbow grips, but still, they kill equally well and I have no burning desire to die. But it was cute. Anyway, on to the whatever.

- I had so much trouble finding a place to by beer and fill the tub as seen in the picture above. I went to a couple of grocery/convenience stores and nothing, and my handy GPS said there wasn't any place with Liquor, Bottle, Spirits, or Wine all that close. I finally gave up and went to the nearest place with 'Liquor' in the title, and wouldn't you know it, I think I'm in a dry city/county. As soon as I passed signs that said "Welcome to Dallas" (technically I'm staying in Irving) there was a big ass liquor store on the left and a big ass liquor store on the right. Dry counties are the suck.

- Speaking of things, on my way to the airport today there was a truck that was transporting fireworks next to a big old gasoline truck. That could have been explosive. (get it)

- Anyway, on to sports related things, this Delmon Young thing really has me intrigued. I hate to give up on him, particularly because the throw-ins is a big win for Tampa. Harris/Bartlett is pretty much whatever, but the Pridie/Morlan thing is a killer. Pridie is essentially worthless, while Morlan is still a top prospect, and he's awesome in OOTP. I fully expect him to be closing for the Rays one day. With that said, trading Delmon is pretty much giving up and admitting it was a shitty trade. Although, Sidler''s guy JJ Hardy has me really intrigued. I don't want to spoil his upcoming post - allegedly - but I really like that idea.

- By the way, in case you're curious about former Twins in the playoffs:
C - AJ Pierzynski
1b - David Ortiz
SS - Jason Bartlett
3b - Mike Lamb
LF - Terry Tiffee
Cf - Torii Hunter
RF - Casey Blake

SP - Matt Garza
RP - JC Romero
RP - Grant Balfour

Almost a full team. Just need a second basemen. Give 'em Eckstein and this team's taken the title.

- Funny story. So the other day I came home from work, and from my next door neighbors house I heard people talking in Spanish. I was like, I didn't know they moved. Then, the next day, I heard it again. I looked over, and I noticed that they were having their roof redone. By Mexicans. My neighbors are having their roof redone by Mexicans. I felt guilty and I'm not really even sure why.

- It seems the WNBA gave out their awards today. I'll be sure to blog on that at a later date. Make sure to remind me if I forget.

- So here's what I think about this Justin Cobb signing. I'm sure he's an excellent player and I totally trust Tubby, but I'm still a bit nervous. The fancy pants Daily Gopher interviewed his high school coach, and this is what troubles me: He doesn't attack the basket as much as I would like. His coach said that. Now, that was sandwiched in between a whole bunch of complimentary quotes, but it's still there. I'm under the impression that coaches will pretty much do nothing but talk up there players. Like, if you asked Rick Rickert's high school coach about him, he would say, "Good judgement. Tough guy. Awesome tough inside defender. Definitely will never float around the perimeter and forget about the paint. Hates the NBA. Hates Australia." So I'm a little bit nervous about that quote. But mostly I just wanted to make that Rickert joke, so shut up.

- On another Tubby note, he paid a nice little in home visit recently to 6-8 New Hampshire Center Andrew Fitzgerald, a four star player and Scout's #14th ranked center, who also ranks #100 overall on the Rivals 150. Adding a player like that to the already loaded 2009 class takes the Gophers into top 10 territory. Now, before you get all erect, Fitzy has a lot of heat on him, and plans to take a visit to Louisville later this month, so the odds on Tubby landing him after jumping into the fray so late aren't super terrific (the opposite of the odds that my server at BW's wanted on me - I mean, she called me sweetheart for pete's sake), but if Tubby can get him it would be a major get. A little inside info: He attended Brewster Academy in New Hampshire. The Gopher football coach is Tim Brewster. It's pretty much a lock.

- You know who was a really underrated all-time video game superstar who never gets any play; Yves Racine. Go go Speed Racine.

- On TV at the place tonight, since there's no actual sports tonight, was a replay of the Vikings game (nice special teams, geniuses) and an NBA preseason game between the Celtics and someone. You know who is going to take the NBA by storm? Bill Walker. Just dominant. He ended up scoring almost a point per minute tonight, which, by my calculations, means if the Celtics play him an entire game he'll average nearly 48 points per game next season. Take that Wilt. All he has to do is beat out Darius Miles for the spot. And, as much as I love Darius and his award winning performance as "Basketball Player #2" in Van Wilder, I really think he can handle it. I just came up with an awesome nickname for him. Sky. Bill "Sky" Walker. God that's hot.

- So some weirdo wanted more pictures of Wonderbaby. Fine. Here you go:
Please don't be a perv, guy.

- So I checked out the Brewers prospects, and they do have a couple of SS's in the top ten. Nobody way awesome though, so it might be a little tougher to pry Hardy away than I thought. Again, I want him to blog on this more than I, so that's all I'll say. I would love to have JJ Hardy over here.

- As much as I hate to admit this, I watched the Sex in the City movie recently, and let me tell you it is even worse than you could have imagined. Imagine the most high maintenance girl you know. Now imagine her PMSing hard. Now imagine being locked in a car with her for two and a half hours when she's had a bad day at work and "just wants to vent." It's like that but worse. Way worse. The movie has everything that should never be in a movie. It's a sad movie about sad women being sad, and sad women love watching it because it makes them feel better about their own sad situations and has a happy ending so they think there's hope for their sad selves. I don't even want to get into the fact that Mrs. W loved it.

- And you know what else? That show was actually pretty good for the first few years. It was funny situations acted out by fairly decent characters and wasn't too bad and their were some boobs sometimes. Then, in the last few seasons, the characters mostly just became caricatures of themselves and they were forcing characters into situations rather than having funny situations to begin with. I had a lot more to say here but now I realize what exactly it is I'm writing about so I'm going to just stop.

- Also, I've seen every episode. Shut up.

- What's way better than that is a little movie called Saved. I can't recommend it highly enough. It pokes fun at religion in a very fun way that is not offensive for the weirdies out there. It stars an awesome Rockin' Talkin' Macauly Caulkin, along with Mandy Moore, the underrated Patrick Fugit and Heather Matarazzo (lesbian), and the super hot and underrated Jena Malone. I'm sure there are plenty of you who won't find Jena Malone attractive, but for those who are intelligent here you go:If you don't see it, I can't help you.

- I'm currently reading Case Closed by Gerald Posner, a big ole exposition about the JFK assassination. I can't recommend it enough. How much do I know about the JFK thing? That he was killed in Dallas by Lee Harvey Oswald, and there are questions about what exactly happened, right. I was there too, but this goes into so much more. It's really quite illuminating.

- Dodgers, Rays.

- I was watching some Cowboys/Bengals replay at the bar tonight, and I decided for the sake of the Cowboys (and my fantasy teams) that Tony Romo should just throw to TO and Witten every play.

- The 2008 NBDL draft will be on November 7th, and will be televised on NBA TV at 7pm EST. Sweet. I might need to watch this. Last year's draft featured first pick Eddie Gill, and have zero idea who that is. Other first round luminaries included Jelani McCoy and Darvin Ham, leading me to believe the NBDL is not working out as hoped, since these guys are like thirty. Other first rounders of note would be Kevin Kruger and Kevin Pittsnogle, which clearly means the NBDL draft is the biggest joke ever. Later round picks of note include nobody. I can't wait for this year's draft, when Lawrence McKenzie, Tom Coverdale, and Shawn Respert are picked.

- Seriously though, I would watch this. I'm actually kind of excited.

- I got nothing. Here's some pictures I saved and have no idea when I'd ever use so take a gander:

Delmon News

From Buster Olney's Chat:

John (St. Paul, MN): Buster - The Delmon Young thing didn't exactly work out this year for the Twins, do you see them trying to move him this off-season? Thanks

SportsNation Buster Olney: John: Yes. His star is falling quickly.

I don't have much time to comment (don't worry, I'm in Dallas by myself the next two nights so I'll be sure to write something) but I'm still surprised by this. I just don't think they're going to get enough to justify bailing on him this early. I don't think it makes much sense to move him unless you're getting equal market value.

ha

u suck lol























omg u r so gay wtf

Weekend Review

WHO ROCKED

1. Missouri Football. Guess who is a legit National Title Contender? That’s right, they came into the week ranked #4, and rushed Nebraska in such convincing fashion that they leapfrogged LSU to get to #3. They killed the Cornhuskers (note: I once stayed in a hotel in Lincoln called “The Cornhusker.” It sucked) 52-17, rolling up all 52 points in the first three quarters before handing the offense over to Jonathan Moxon and his Dummy-Os. Chase Daniel continues to be awesome, completing almost 80% of his passes for three TDs and no picks, as he basically could have done pretty much whatever he wanted at any time. I remember when Nebraska was dominant. Remember Touchdown Tommie Frazier? Long time ago.

2. Vanderbilt Football. Speaking of teams that were non-factors and have recently become good, the Commodores are suddenly on the radar in a big way. They beat the #13 Auburn Tigers this weekend 14-13, moving to 5-0 and jumping up in the rankings to #13 themselves. I watched some of this game, and if you need a symbol for their turnaround, Auburn had the ball, first and goal on Vandy’s one yard line. They ran it up the middle, right at the defense, four times, and were turned away by Vandy’s defense all four times. It was truly awesome. Not as awesome as my “W” shirt, but awesome nonetheless.

3. Matt Ryan. Dude, this kid is the real deal for the Falcons. I’ve watched two of his games, coincidentally two of his good games, but he seems like he is going to be an absolute star. Not just because of his physical abilities but he just has a presence about him that is very un-rookielike. I know it goes against my nerd/math/stats self to evaluate a player based on something subjective, but good old fashioned scouting does still have it’s place. And according to this grizzled scouts eye, this kid is going to be a star. And I should know, I helped recruit Ryan Dunn to play for Chatham.

4. NFC East. I'm not nearly the first to say this, but the NFC East is definitely the class of the NFL. The Cowboys started the season as a Super Bowl favorite, and despite struggling with the Bengals yesterday and scaring everyone still alive in Survivor Leagues, they still are. The Giants were maybe the least regarded defending champion in history, and even after losing both defensive ends from last year's team they are stomping on people, beating the Seahawks 44-6 even without Plaxico to move to 4-0. And the Redskins came up huge, winning at the overrated Eagles' place to get to 4-1, even with Jason Campbell as the quarterback. I don't now how this happens either, but Campbell is putting together a hell of a year, and has yet to turn the ball over.

5. Manny Ramirez. Just killed the Cubs, going 5-10 with 2 homers, 3 rbi, and 4 walks to post an OPS of 1.743 for the series. I love Manny, and Bill Simmons had a really nice article about him that I'm far too lazy to link to but do yourself a favor and go find it on ESPN - plus you'll kill a good fifteen minutes. I fully expect him to kill the Phillies now. And speaking of the Cubs.....

WHO SUCKED


1. Chicago Cubs. I was really hoping to be able to write Chicago baseball altogether instead of just the Cubs, but the Fag Sox got lucky and managed to beat Garza and the Rays yesterday. We’ll focus on the latest Cubbie collapse instead. The best winning percentage in the majors and the biggest run differential would lead you to believe they would likely be their in the World Series, but no such luck. I don’t even know how people can be Cubs’ fans. It’s like waking up every morning and getting kicked in the nuts – only you have the choice to stop getting kicked, but you choose to allow it to happen every day. Special shout out to Alfonso Soriano, who managed to go 1-14 in the series with four strikeouts, and flailed at pretty much every pitch that was chucked up there. He makes Delmon Young look like Ricky Henderson with his plate discipline.

2. Gopher Football. Sure they won, and they even covered in a 16-7 win over Indiana, but holy crap was this ugly. It was actually the first extended amount of time I’ve watched the Gophers this season, and let me say, whatever the opposite of impressed is, that’s what I was. A non-existent offense with a QB who can or won’t look at more than 1 receiver on a play and a defense, that despite shutting Indiana down, looked more lucky than good. But hey, that gives them five wins, just one away from qualifying for a bowl game and satisfying a whole bunch of people with low expectations. And they really need to find themselves a running back who can, you know, run. FOUNTAIN of YOUTH!!11!!1!11

3. Sage Rosenfels. After playing a hell of a good game and pretty much having the win against the Colts locked up, Sage went into complete meltdown mode, fumbling twice and throwing an interception to give it away like a cheap $20 whore. A fumble the Colts returned for a score, another fumble that led to a silly catch by Reggie Wayne for the lead, and an interception tossed while trying to make a last ditch comeback were epic. It’s not often you can see someone light himself on fire like that. It was spectacular.

4. San Diego Chargers. A loss to Miami? A 2-3 record? How are these guys supposed to contend for a Super Bowl crown when they suck this badly? Tomlinson just looks slow and hesitant this season, and it makes me really nervous. Granted, they did the same thing last year so did LT and they ended up just fine, but this year seems different. No zest. Expect to see a sideline altercation at some point between LT and Rivers. I just can’t decide if that would be the spark they need, or the beginning of the end. Oh well, at least they aren’t……

5. Detroit Lions. Garbage. The finally, and I mean finally got rid of Millen but still embarrassed themselves against the Bears. How does this happen to a team? They benched Kitna, and the guy they turn is someone nobody’s ever heard of – you’d think finishing last that often they’d have some kind of future stud QB stashed somewhere. Calvin Johnson needs to get himself traded before he ends up killing himself. Seriously, that franchise might be the worst in all of sports. If Barry hadn’t played there that team would be in San Antonio or Los Angeles right now. Truly putrid.

There's Always Next Year

Ok, I'm over it. The Twins missed the playoffs - fine. I'm still not going to call the season a success, but it's true that we did get to watch meaningful baseball all season long and that's something very good. I'm done with Twins 2008, at least for now, and it's time to look at 2009.

I was discussing this with Snacks, and I don't think I can remember the Twins every being in this good of shape in the offseason. The starting rotation has five quality guys, so you don't need to look for a starter. Outfield/DH has five guys for four spots. Catcher, first base, and second base are locked in. The only weaknesses are the left side of the infield and the bullpen, and with a payroll estimated at just $61 million, they should be able to get what they need.

As for the bullpen, you know the closer position is good to go. Juan Berenguer II gives you one setup guy, and if Neshek is all the way back to form you have your second one. The rest of the pen can probably be dismantled. Guerrier is eligible for arbitration, and I don't really see any reason to bring him back at over a million unless you choose to continue to lose. Reyes and Guardado are both free agents, but with Miljares and Breslow there I can't see investing in those guys. Humber will almost certainly get every chance to pitch on the big club since he is out of options and either has to stick with the Twins or be released, and I expect Bonser to be part of the pen as well. Not really huge on that mix, and would love to see it improve somehow, whether from the farm or a free agent. There are a ton of guys out there, many of whom can be had for cheap. It's just a matter of picking the right one.

The left side is trickier, mainly because you don't know what you're going to get from Punto. I love him as a backup/defensive replacement/pinch runner/utility guy, but not super in love with him as a starter, either at third or short. Brendan Harris is kind of the same way, I really like having him on the team, but would feel better if he was backup. Buscher showed he's better than I even thought, but ON THIS TEAM I don't like him. I think the Twins really need more power coming from third, since they have so little of it. The way to shore up that left side is through free agency or a trade.

The Twins have the money (payroll of just $60 or so million, made money last season) and the trade chips to make a splash, and Bill Smith showed he will do it with the Garza/Young trade last year. With the five quality outfielders, someone is expendable. No way they trade Span, and it's highly doubtful they trade Young or Gomez unless they're blown away by an offer. If they move anyone, it will be Kubel or Cuddyer. I love Kubel and he's the second best power hitter on the team, but Cuddyer is excellent as well. Rumors of moving Cuddyer are likely just that, rumors, although I'd be ok with it. I consider it more likely one of Cuddy or Kubel is traded.

Besides Cuddyer/Kubel and Buscher, there are also a plethora of minor league arms that could be used to make a trade. Humber, Mulvey, Tyler Robertson, Anthony Swarzak, Brian Duensing, and several others would garner significant interest.

So who is available? At third base, this years free agent class is pretty weak - unless the Rangers don't pick up their option on Blalock. It's pretty much littered with old men like Nomar, Rich Aurilia, Casey Blake, and Craig Counsell. The one intriguing name on the list is Joe Crede of the White Sox. He's injured, so that's a concern, but he's just 32 and is an excellent hitter and fielder. Definitely a guy the Twins need to look at. Free agent shortstops are much more intriguing, with Orlando Cabrera, Rafael Furcal, and Edgar Renteria out there. Furcal would be my last choice, as the Twins have enough guys who have no idea what the strike zone is, but any of the three is a big time upgrade.

Trade wise, they might be able to pry Blalock or Adrian Beltre away from their teams as both have contracts that run out after 2009 and this time the price should be lower. A couple other interesting names are Chipper Jones and Melvin Mora. They're both old, but they are also both excellent hitters on teams with no hope whose contracts expire after 2009 and will likely both be on the market for the right package. I would love to see the Twins push to get either of these guys, preferably Jones. A couple trade possibilities at short would be Jack Wilson of the Pirates and Khalil Greene of the Padres, although if they trade for Greene I'll probably have to kill myself because I hate that son of a bitch.

Top priority is definitely a third baseman. All those shortstops are going to make way to much on the open market, so if the Twins pass on them I'm ok with that - other than if Wilson becomes available via trade, don't pass that up. First choice would be to sign Crede for whatever it takes, and you don't have to give anything. Second choice would be to trade whatever it takes to get Chipper, Blalock, Mora, or Beltre, in that order. Third choice would be to be a bunch of assholes and sign someone like Rich Aurillia and then declare the problem solved.