Monday Musings

Why are weekends at the cabin always so exhausting?  Seriously, I mostly just fished and drank, yet when I got home last night I was way too tired to even think of putting words down on a screen that about 13 people will probably read and are mostly stupid anyway.  I suppose it's probably the drinking.  Anyway, that's why there was no week in review post.  I'll try to make it up to you by posting things right now instead.

-  Might as well start with the obvious: the Twins are just ridiculous.  Seven straight wins, 14-2 in their last 16, and now they're suddenly just 8 games out of first and in an actual position where the idea of them winning the division is no longer out of the question.  And they're doing it with nobody.  Kubel's on the DL.  Morneau is on the DL.  Thome is on the DL.  Span is on the DL.  Mauer just came off along with Nishioka.  Valencia is banged up.  Delmon Young is retarded.  It's just amazing.  I can't stand Gardy but maybe there's something to this "manager of the year" stuff.

Honestly I can't wrap my head around it.  The team is being carried by Alexi Casilla and a bunch of other AAAA-types.  Casilla is hitting .348 with 7 doubles over the last four weeks and even added a home run (which I thought had to have been a mis-speak when I heard it on the radio) over the weekend.  Matt Tolbert has been a competent major league hitter.  Danny Valencia is showing power.  Cuddy is almost impossible to get out.  Ben Revere has been a joy to watch, and even toothpick hitters like Jason Repko, Rene Tosoni, Hughesy, and those two dingleberry catchers are coming up with big hits.  I completely understand why the White Sox and Ozzie are so terrified of the Twins.  No matter how good the pitching has been (and it's been very, very good lately) a team regularly trotting out a lineup of Revere/Casilla/whoever is healthy and can hit/Cuddyer/Valencia/Hughes/Dinkleman/Butera/Tolbert should lose, approximately, 90% of their games.  Instead the Twins have gotten hot.  So stupid.  Honest to god they're my favorite team but even I almost hate them for their ability to somehow constantly pull this shit off.  But I don't.  Go Twins.  I'm starting to think we might even get to watch them get swept by the Yankees in the playoffs again.

-  Couple quick U.S. Open notes, one good and one bad.  First, how impressive was Rory McIlroy's win? (and no, I didn't have any money down on him to win).  I really wish I would have had a chance to watch more of his play over the weekend, but unfortunately the cabin only gets channel 4, but man everything sounded good.  He fired out with a 65 in the opener to take the lead, then followed that up with a 66 to give him the all-time best score to par through 36 holes at -11.  Saturday he shot 68 and Sunday 69, which also gave him the all-time record for 54 and 72 holes, and an 8-shot US Open win (over Jason Day, who, incidentally, is going to win the PGA this year).

Now, clearly that's an incredibly stellar performance by McIlroy, either the most impressive or second most impressive major win every (along with Tiger's Masters), but I do think we need to ease back on the "where will McIlroy rank when it's all said and done" talk.  It's still just one major.  I know, it's very exciting that he's just 22 and has been on a roll that's had him in contention in every major lately but "the next Tiger Woods"?  Really, Charch?  I like McIlroy.  Hell, he's one of my favorite golfers, but to get even halfway to Woods' major total - if he doesn't add to it - he'll need to win six more.  If you had to lay money on him being more likely to win 0 more or 6 more in his career, which side would you take?

The 6 right, but it's a toughy.  That's not the next Tiger.  There probably isn't going to be one, so relax, nerd.

Secondly, I've gotten a couple of comments from people who read this shitty blog about how I always pick Hunter Mahan to win the U.S. Open, and it's true - I do.  The reason is because his career was looking like it was built to win a US Open.  His first three times playing in it, not counting 2003 - his rookie year, he finished 13th-18th-6th.  When early in the 2010 season he broke through with his first win since 2007 at the Phoenix Open vs. a pretty good field, everything looked set for him to win his first major at the US Open at Pebble.  So what's he do?  Shoots 78-74 and misses the cut.  I was heartbroken.

Then comes this year.  He's been on fire:  Seven top 10s this year, just one missed cut, and a run of 16th-6th-10th-13th in his last four starts which included the Players and the Memorial.  Once again, looking like a good bet to win the U.S. Open.  So what's he do?   Fires a 74-73 and misses the cut again.  Honest to god, this guy has gone from looking like an inevitable US Open winner to a complete US Open choker and I hate him like Super Sioux Fan hates delicious animals. 

-  Dustin Ackley.  Look out folks, the starting second baseman for the American League All-Star Team for the next 12 years just arrived.  Think Chase Utley without the chicken legs or weinerness.  Guy can just flat out rake.  As a freshman at North Carolina in 2007 he became just the fifth player in Tar Heel history to bat .400 for a season - and then went and did it again the next two years as well before being drafted #2 by Seattle.  After a good 2-year run in the minors that included winning the MVP of the Arizona Fall League, Ackely made his Mariner debut over the weekend and collected his first major league hit, first major league triple, and first major league home run.  He is going to be a star (and I think I'm officially in love with the Mariners right side of the infield).  If you can, pick him up in your fantasy league and thank me later.  Of course, if you're in my league you can't because I already have him.  Neener neener neener.

-  So I've been hearing lately that the Timberwolves might be considering trading the #2 pick now that Cleveland officially announced they were taking Kyrie Irving #1, which was frankly the most obvious thing in the world since that dude from Twilight announcing he's gay.  The reason they are looking at trading the pick:  Derrick Williams is the obvious pick and they have too many forwards?  What.  the.  fuck.  You won 17 games all of last season and now you're turning down best player available because of Michael Beasley and Wesley Johnson?  I am not 100% against trading the pick or anything, but you better be getting a big haul - like 2 players and a top 10 pick, and that is exactly what I don't trust David Kahn to do.  I suppose you never know what to expect from a team that once drafted four PGs in the same draft, but keep in mind this information comes from Paul Charchian so I'd say there's about a 20% chance it's true and a 98% chance it's douchey.

-  Speaking of the draft, it looks like not only is Jimmer Fredette going to be a lottery pick but there are a handful of teams actively trying to trade up to get him.  Again - what.  the.  fuck.  Is the power of a white boy on the American wallet really that strong?  The guy can score and is like a poor man's The Professor with the ball - I get it.  But as I said after the NCAA Tournament, "Freaking amazing when he has the ball, right?  Amazing shooter with unlimited range and a hair-trigger release, ability to get by a defender off the dribble and get into the lane, an excellent eye to find open teammates for easy hoops, and just amazing body control.  Really an impressive player with the ball.  But did you happen to notice him when he doesn't have the ball?  I've never seen a lazier god damn player in my life.  He does one of three things if he doesn't have the ball:

1. Stand there
2. Clap his hands and call for the ball.
3. Run directly at his teammate with the ball and clap his hands while calling for the ball

That's it.  That's the entire repertoire.  My favorite though is any time he passes the ball and it doesn't directly lead to a shot for this teammate he immediately follows his own pass, naturally while clapping and calling for the ball.  There's a reason nobody on this team every gets an assist other than Jimmer, and that's because he either shoots, creates a shot for somebody else, or immediately demands the ball back.  Honestly I was pretty unimpressed, and I watched all four of his games in this tournament and they were all the same.  Add in a level of defense that would make Blake Hoffarber turn red with embarrassment and he might be the most overrated player since Adam Morrison.  If this guys wins National Player of the Year it'll be a travesty and, frankly, should probably spark off some race riots.  But that's pretty much my answer for everything."

And I stand by that.  Especially the race riot part.

-  Wait.  The NBA Draft is on Thursday?  Holy shit.  I got a lot of work to do.  And I have stupid softball that night.  DAMMIT..  I should just quit.

-  Do you know who's closing for the Rays this year?  Guess.  Give up?  It's Kyle freaking Farnsworth.  Kyle Farnsworth.  One one hand you could say he's been a quality set-up man who hasn't been given much of a shot at closing.  On the other, more accurate, hand you could say he's inconsistent as hell and his career as a set-up man has as many god awful years as decent ones.  I don't even care that he's been lights out this year there's almost no way this is going to continue.  I'd say he's going to cost them a playoff spot, but my sexy boyfriend Evan Longoria is helping to do that too.  I don't know, man, we're still going steady but with Justin Smoak and Dustin Ackley breathing down his neck and old flame Cole Hamels back in the picture I'm just not sure how much longer we'll last. I'm tempted man, tempted.  It's like co-ed softball, but with dudes.  Hot dudes.

-  Did you know the Marlins have lost like 38 straight games?  That may seem pretty irrelevant to you, but some of us took the Marlins to win over 81.5 games this year and just a few short weeks ago when they were 29-19 we were practically counting our money.  Now they're 32-41 and I'm scrambling to figure out how to pay our next mortgage bill.  Oh well.  There's always winning the lottery.  Also food stamps.  THANK YOU OBAMA!

-  Finally, it seems like a lot of people are kind of bored by this but it's the first "serious" sports movie that hasn't made me roll my eyes since He Got Game and the first sports movie period since Varsity Blues that I'm actually interested in so fuck you, Chris N.  Sports, nerd stats, and the hottest man alive (and Brad Pitt, too)?  I'm all in.  Which, since I have two kids and zero free-time, means I'll probably rent it 3 weeks after it's out on DVD.  Hooray for my stupid life.

Week in Review - 6/21/2010

Man, I am full.  Full, full, full.  I just finished up the most awesome steak ever.  I actually cooked it on the grill, and I can generally cook a steak well but I've never quite nailed one the way I just did.  Toss in my newly discovered steak rub - which makes Paul Prudhomme look like an amateur - and that was just the perfect way to wrap up a father's day that included a viewing of Toy Story 3, which was pretty good.  You're the best ever, Wonderbaby^TM.

And thanks for everything, dad.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Scott Baker.   This guy is maddening, isn't he?  He always looks incredibly stressed on the mound and looks like he's going to cry if he gives up a run, and at times is wound up so tight he can't put the ball anywhere near where he wants to and gets destroyed and is extremely proficient in allowing home runs.  Then, just when you think he's no better than an end of the rotation type, he busts off a game like Wednesday against Colorado when he allowed just 2 hits and struck out 12 over 7 innings, and was basically unhittably brilliant.  He does this just enough to tease.  A 3-hitter in 8 against Baltimore earlier this year.  The two near no-hitters.  Multiple games with more strikeouts than innings or 7 ips or better and 3 or less hits.  When he's good, he's very good.  Unfortunately he's about as consistent as Ron Artest's jumper.

2.  Ron Artest.  Speaking of Ron-Ron, you got to hand it to the guy, he got his title and game up huge in the biggest game of his career.  He scored 20 (against a season average of 11), pulled down 5 boards, and grabbed 5 steals all while playing excellent defense on Paul Pierce who was just 5-15 in Game 7 and shot just 38% for the finals in Staples.  Artest also hit the biggest shot of the game, and thus the series, with his 3-pointer with just a minute left in the game.  Celtics were down by three, and with the shot clock winding down he let go with a heave despite being fairly well covered.  It was the exact shot the Celtics would have wanted to see the Lakers take in that situation, it just happened to go in and now Artest is a hero.  He's clearly insane, although I blame Stephen Jackson more for that brawl than Artest, but is there anything more entertaining than an insane person who is also deliriously happy?  I think his post-game interview answered that question. 

3.  Wimpy, limp-wristed, slap-hitting Twins.  Specifically, Matt Tolbert, Nick Punto, and Drew Butera.  All three of those little wiener kids hit a home run this week.  And Tolbert also kicked in two doubles and a triple this week.  Punto overall hit .450 this week and had four multi-hit games.  And even Butera hit .667 and is now the proud owner of a 2-game hitting streak.  Those five total bases he had this week?  Just one shy of his season total previously.   I suppose getting production from anywhere is a good thing, even if it means Gardy is going to feel validated going with these clowns as often as he does, and assuring that we are going to be in for a lifetime supply of Matt Tolbert and Matt Tolbert clones as long as Billy Smith and Gardenhire are in charge.  Oh joy.

4.  Josh Johnson.  You know, in all the Ubaldo hoo-ha, we seem to be missing out on the fact that Mr. Johnson is having a pretty damn good season for the Marlins.  This week he pitched twice, going 7 innings on Tuesday, allowing just four hits and one run and striking out seven, and then following that up on Sunday by going 8 innings, allowing six hits and again one run and striking out nine.  Those two starts drop his ERA to 1.80 with a WHIP of just 0.98.  In exactly 100 innings he's struck out 98 while giving away just 26 walks and allowing only 72 hits.  In short, he's having an insane, incredible, out of this world season.  So try to remember that as Ubaldo marches toward 30 victories with an ERA under 1.00.    

5.  Chicago White Sox.  I still hate them, and always will, but it's time to recognize that the Sox are playing pretty good ball.  Yeah, I know their six game winning streak has come against the Pirates and the Nationals so it's not like they're playing world beaters, but the week prior including winning 2 of 3 against the Tigers, and they've cut the Twins lead over them to 5.5 games and are within four of the Tigers - close enough that it's maybe time to take notice.  Their hitting is still pretty poor, but the pitching is starting to come around, with Danks and Peavy each pitching a gem and Gavin Floyd tossing two, and Freddy Garcia and Buehrle having a couple of nice outings as well.  I'm not worried, because any team with Bobby Jenks as a closer isn't scary, but we might need to start paying some attention here.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Nick Blackburn.  Yuck.  One and 2/3rds innings and 8 runs allowed?  I praised Baker earlier for hitting one of the good squares on the wheel of random, and it seems Blackie hit the big double-zero.  And that's why I really hope they trade for Cliff Lee, even if it includes trading Wilson Ramos.  Baker, Blackburn, Pavano, and Slowey are all way too random and way too inconsistent.  All of those guys have games where they get destroyed too often.  Liriano is the only Twins pitcher who when he takes the mound you know you have a chance to win every time.  Those other guys have too many games where they get destroyed early and the game is basically over.  Blackburn just gave up 8 earned runs.  Cliff Lee (since becoming good in 2008) has never allowed 8 earned runs in a game.  He also pitched less than 4 innings in a game just three times in three years.  Blackburn has done in it three of his last four games.  Lee also has failed to pitch at least seven innings just once this year.

The current four are fine and they'll win some games and probably get you to the playoffs, but if the Twins want to make any kind of a run they need another top-shelf arm.  Go get Cliff Lee, Mr. Smith.  Just do it.

[UPDATE:  Funny story.  I wrote the above on Saturday morning.  Not more like five hours later, Kevin Slowey helps hammer my point home by not getting out of the second inning, going just one and 2/3rds innings and giving up 7 runs.  Which is less than Blackburn, so I guess that's an improvement.  Please Billy.  Go get Cliffy.]

2.  Europe.  A lot of people think Europe is full of smelly, non-showering drunks with bad teeth, but that's not what I'm referring to here.  I actually enjoyed the hell out of Europe the one time we visited, so I have nothing but love for those weirdos.  But I have to admit that they suck at soccer.  And I'm talking about all of Europe, I'm talking about the big boys who were supposed to be title contenders and are now going to have to struggle to make it out of group play; specifically Germany, France, Spain, Italy, and England.

England tied with both the U.S. and Algeria.  France tied Uruguay and got rolled by Mexico 2-0 and is almost certainly out of the playoffs or whatever they call the tournament part.  Germany destroyed Australia 4-0 in their opener and was looking like a possible juggernaut, but then got beat by Serbia, and Spain, who was maybe the strongest European team, lost their opener to a bunch of mincing nancies from Switzerland.  Italy might have had the biggest mismatch of the pool round, going against a pretty crappy New Zealand squad, but even they couldn't pick up a win, playing the Kiwis to a draw at 1-1.  Even though the continent has some nice surprise teams like the Netherlands and Slovenia, it is an ugly, ugly Cup so far for the Euros.  Probably a good time to invade.  Pay attention Obama.   

3.  Manny Corpas.  Corpas, the Rockies' current closer, had himself a pretty awesome weekend.  He had been pretty solid, saving nine of his last ten opportunities, and not being over remotely shaky in those chances, giving up no runs and more than one hit just once.  The this weekend happened.  First, on Saturday, he came in to save a game against the Brewers only two give up two singles and then a game-tying home run to the suddenly superstar Corey Hart.  Then, on Sunday, he had a chance to redeem himself, coming in again in the ninth, this time in a 1-1 tie against the Brew Crew.  Just to mix it up a bit, he didn't even bother getting an out, giving up three doubles (amongst other things) on his way to allowing five runs and turning a tie game into a 6-1 loss.  For christ's sake, Trevor Hoffman got people out in that game.  Trevor.  Hoffman.

4.  Baltimore Orioles.  God they're just so bad.  They're now 19-50 (19-50!!!!!), and there aren't really any signs of getting better.  Their two young pitchers of the future, Chris Tillman and Jake Arrieta went with their Blackburn/Slowey impersonation this weekend against the offensive juggernaut that is the Padres, with neither of them getting to the fourth, and Tillman's ERA is now over 8 and he's been shuttled off to the bullpen - a great, great way to help build the confidence of one your building blocks.  And speaking of building blocks, two of the supposed biggest - Matt Wieters and Adam Jones - have been absolutely terrible this year.  I don't know if it's still true, but I read somewhere earlier in the week that there are three teams in the NL whose pitchers have a collective slugging percentage greater than the Orioles' first basemen.  Yuck.  No matter what they try to do, it seems they'll never turn this thing around and get better.  The curse of Jeffrey Maier lives on. 

5.  Dustin Johnson.  It's not often you see someone totally dominate and then completely and completely fall apart all in one weekend.  He raced out at Pebble, shooting 71-70 in the first two rounds, and then had a monster 66 on Saturday to set himself up with a three shot lead over Graeme McDowell and a five shot lead over Tiger, who was alone in third place.  Since he had won the previous two tournaments held at Pebble Beach, it was looking like a possible runaway situation.  He then came out on Sunday and threw up all over the place  He triple-bogeyed the second, double-bogeyed the third, and bogeyed the fourth.  He ended up with five more bogeys on the day (and zero birdies) to finish up with a +11 round of 82.  Nightmare.  The fall from the first three rounds to the final round would be just like the Ohio State football program turning into the Gophers.  Yeah, it was seriously that bad.


And I want to give a special shout-out to Hunter Mahan.  Thanks for making me look like an ass, jerkface.  That's two majors this year, two guys I was absolutely convinced were going to win, and two guys who missed the cut, and not only missed it, but were basically already so far out of it after one day that they would have had to pull out a miraculous second round just to stay alive for the weekend.  Obviously, neither of them did.  You can now consider Mahan on my list along with Furyk.  Betrayers!  The both of them!  J'Accuse!

U.S. Open Tips

As you may or may not know, the U.S. Open is tomorrow at Pebble Beach.  I usually do a preview of some sort for the golf majors, but that sounds boring.  Instead, I took a look at the odds to win as offered by a website that caters to people who are interested in that sort of thing.  Much like I picked the winner of the Kentucky Derby and nearly picked the winner of the Belmont (my pick finished second), I'm going to give you a few good value bets here, and odds are one of these guys will be the winner.


Hunter Mahan, 30-1.  My favorite bet on the board because I think he's going to win the whole thing.  He's a stud at the majors, and particularly the U.S. Open where he has finished 13th, 18th, and 6th the last three years.  He's also had a pretty good year, with a win already at the Phoenix Open and a 6th place finish at the Masters.  The fact that he's missed the last two cuts concerns me, particularly the Memorial, but he's one of the best ball-strikers on tour and is going to win a U.S. Open some year - why not now?

Jim Furyk, 18-1.  There are a handful of true favorites (as much as I believe he'll win, even I don't think Mahan is a real favorite) who all have a shot at this the one I think with the best shot also has the best odds in Furyk.  He's already won twice this year, he's an absolute US Open monster (including one win), and you're telling me his odds should be four times worse than Tiger (who is 9/2)?  Or twice as bad as Mickelson and Lee Westwood (9/1)?  And equal to Dustin Johnson (who I do like, but not at just 18/1)?  If he hadn't burned me hard by missing the cut at the Masters I'd say this was the best bet on the board.

Robert Karlsson, 66-1.  This is probably the best bet on the board.  Because of Karlsson's eye injury in 2009, causing him to either play poorly or not play at all for most of the year.  Don't forget but before that he was one of the best golfers in the world, and was actually ranked #6 in 2008 after winning the European Order of Merit and finishing in the top 10 in three of the four majors (and finishing 20th in the fourth).  He's showing that he's back lately, with a win on the European Tour earlier this year and a 2nd place finish last week at the St. Jude.  Frankly, at 66-1 you're almost stupid not to bet on him.

Retief Goosen, 30-1.  Goosen's combination of a solid year with some top finishes plus a solid US Open track record make him an intriguing pick.  The good news is that he's made 7 of 8 cuts, he's grabbed five top tens in those 8 tournaments, he's hot, finishing 15th last week, and he has two career US Open wins and has finished top 16 the last two years.  The bad news?  The cut he missed this year was at Pebble Beach.  Ouch.

Nick Watney, 35-1.  I love Watney to win a major at some point in his career.  He hits greens, he putts well, he drives well, and he's just a solid all-around player, who has the kind of demeanor that seems to never get to high and never get too low.  Just a steady, steady player, who is capable of brillance at times.  He hasn't fared well at the U.S. Open in his young career (CUT - T60 - CUT), but he generally plays well at Pebble.  This is probably the weakest of the bets I'm listing, but I'm convinced he's going to win a major at some point, and if he does it here and I don't list him I'll never be able to live with myself.

Heath Slocum, 80-1.  Out of all the big underdogs, this guy actually has a chance to win.  He doesn't have much of a track record in the majors, although his best ever finish is a T9 at the 2008 US Open, but he's got a lot working in his favor.  He's having a great year, making the cut in 14 of 15 tournaments entered with three top 10s and nine top 30s.  He played in the Masters this year for just the second time ever and finished 18th (this would be essentially just his third U.S. Open).  Maybe most interestingly, the two biggest keys to this course for the Open this year are Driving Accuracy and Greens in Regulation; Slocum ranks 4th and 7th in those metrics.  If he can find a hot putter, he could breakthrough for a win.  Hey, Lucas Glover last year had only been in two other US Opens and had missed the cut both times.  It could happen.

Twins vs. Royals

I haven't done this but once I think this year, but now seems like a good time to live blog a Twins game. Since this is supposed to be the big home stand where they can really make a run playing the lowly Royals and Indians for six straight home games. We'll see.

- The guy who never walks anybody ever, Nick Blackburn, falls behind David of Jesus 3-1, then puts one right into the perfect slap zone - waist high, outside corner - and noted slap hitter DeJesus shoots it into left for a single. Captain Slap himself, Joe Mauer, would have loved that pitch.

- Speaking of Mauer, he just attempted to throw out a runner stealing and the throw was about four feet to the shortstop side of the bag. Bert's comment? "Blackburn really gave up too much of a jump to Anderson there." No matter that he could have waited til the ball was half way to the plate before running and still made it.

- 1-0 Royals after Billy "the second coming of Steve Balboni" Butler singles to right. I'm already frustrated. This might be the shortest live blog ever.

- Who would you rather have start at second, Punto or Casilla? I don't see any upside either way.

- After a four pitch walk, Miguel Olivo slaps one past Morneau down the line to score another couple runs, making it a 3-0 Royals lead. In case that's not depressing enough already, BB Gun seemingly is refusing to throw strikes. The good news here is that with 2 outs, the Ryan Leaf of baseball players Alex Gordon is now up. If you can't get Gordon out, you might as well quit.

- Ground rule double. 4-0. And Alex Gordon ripped a pitch. That's his first double of the year. I know he's been hurt, but still, even when he hasn't been he's sucked. I'm so glad I decided to live blog this one.

- Twins finally up, still down 4-0. At least they get to hit off Kyle Davies. That pretty much guarantees they can get to four runs no problem. Well, if they weren't the Twins they could.

- Cabrera has been so hot since he came over, just imagine if Brendan Harris was playing second. And that single up the middle gets his hit streak to 20.

- Wild pitch scores Cabrera after a Mauer single, then Morneau walks. Two on, one out, 3-1 game and the best player on the Twins, Jason Kubel at the bat. I'm calling a double, scoring two.

- Or a force out at seond. Crap. Now it's up to that damn Cuddyer. I'm calling a strikeout on a ball in the dirt. I know, I know, I'm crazy.

- 2-2 count after Cuddy swings at misses at a bitch at his eyes. Here comes the slider in the dirt.

- Nope, just blew a fastball right by him. I know what Cuddy's numbers say, and I'm generally a quantitative over qualitative guy, but I just can't shake the feeling that this guy sucks at hitting. I'm starting to understand why people bitch about Pat Burrell and Adam Dunn when they watch them all season long. Despite the successes, the strikeouts are just so aesthetically ugly that they grate on you after a time. He's just like Phil Rivers throwing motion or Jim Furyk's swing - it's ugly, but it's effective.

- Uh oh, according to Robbie Mcintowkialoliwak, the Royals scouts have figured out Blackburn, and the hitters are waiting on the sinker and just shooting it the other way, and are able to do this because they aren't worried about the fastball getting by them. This makes a god damn lot of sense, because every batter so far, other than the ones he walks instead - as he just did to DeJesus, has gone to opposite field (as did whoever just got that hit. Maier or something like that).

- Jesus F. Duensing is up in the pen. It's the second god damned inning.

- Sac bunt attempt. Blackie goes to third with it, throw is high and Harris can't handle it. Bases loaded, nobody out. I am very, very close to checking out of this game. These guy suck. It's like watching the bad news bears right now, but without the humor and racial slurs.

- Double play, but another run in. 5-1 now in the second.

- Another knock for the Royals when Blackburn falls behind again and it's 6-1. Duensing coming in. I'm done with this, and with this team.

- I suppose I should do some PGA preview, but I don't want to, so instead here is your top six most likely to win other than Tiger Woods:
1. Kenny Perry
2. Steve Stricker
3. Lee Westwood
4. Zach Johnson
5. Tim Clark
6. Camilo Villegas

- A Delmon foul out, a Harris strikeout, and a slap flyout by Casilla and suddenly the worst pitcher in the world has a 1-2-3 inning and three strikeouts through two. Great.

- Hey, did you know the PGA Championship is in Minnesota this week? I just found out. The media coverage hasn't been super annoying or anything. Now Hunter Mahan is in the press box with Dick and Bert, wearing a Twins jersey. It makes me like him a little more for showing up to a baseball game, but the Twins jersey I'm pretty sure dooms him to miss the cut.

- Home run Olivo. 7-1. Delmon Young looked like a hippopotamus chasing a butterfly trying to get to that one (it just barely cleared the fence, Span probably comes down with it).

- Some walks, some hits, and it's 8-1 and already the longest game in history.

- Span strikeout, Cabrera foul out, Mauer single, Morneau fly out. I'm officially bored and stopping this. Sidler, if you're still out there break down this whole Rios to the Sox thing for me, I'm too lazy to do it.

All-Star Tuesday Talkings (British Open Preview)

Yep, it's all star Tuesday so I'm writing, but I don't plan to write a single thing about the All-Star game because it's just so stupid. Let me get this straight, this game counts for something pretty important now, but the starters are still voted in by idiotic fans? And they take rosters of 33 freaking players on each team, and managers are bound by some stupid unwritten rule to try to play everybody? And you can't let any pitcher go more than one or two innings because if Roy Halladay hurts his arm in his third inning of work somehow every one will be mad at you even though he routinely goes nine innings every fifth day? It's like the collective league is Regina George and the manager is Gretchen Weiners.

I just don't get how something so far removed from real baseball can give such an advantage to a team in the quest to win the World Series. Seriously, if this rule was in place in '87 and '91 and the NL won the all-star game, we'd be sitting wondering if the Twins will ever win a World Series. I mean, I'm not exactly a huge fan of the random element they used to have but it's better than this - and better than giving home field advantage to the league that has a better record in interleague play, which I've also heard bandied about. That's also idiotic.

It's really simple. Home field advantage goes to the team with the better regular season record. That's how all the other leagues do it. Why? Because it makes a lot more sense to reward a team for a great 162-game season than it does to reward a team whose league won a stupid exhibition. And if you insist on keeping that dumb rule, then Gretchen Weiners has to stick up to Regina like that time she wore sweat pants to the lunch table. Throw Halladay three innings. Then throw Greinke three. Then go through the closers and end with Rivera. Bam, game. But they won't. It'll be one inning, one inning, one inning, and eventually either Tim Wakefield or Andrew Bailey will be in and it'll be tee-off time for the NL. Stupid.

What makes it even worse is that I actually get a little bit pumped up when they do all the fanfare before the game. They always give it a nice historical perspective, whether it's tonight's little St. Louis baseball mini-history or like the year they brought out Ted Williams and Willie Mays, it's a very nice touch and I enjoy it. Then the game starts and it's a big joke. Let's just move on to something else.

- I'm mainly writing tonight to give my half-assed British Open preview, much like my half-assed Masters and US Open previews, which didn't quite get the winners right. All that really means is that I am due. In the same tradition, I will give you my top ten (after Tiger) picks to win.

1. Steve Stricker. It's weird to pick a noted non-closer to win an event like the British, but it all seems to be in place for Stricker. Two wins in his last four events, including a win last week, and recent success at the Open, finishing 8th and 7th the last two years. No reason he shouldn't be right there at the end.

2. Ian Poulter. It's almost a certainty that Ian Poulter will be winning a major at some point, probably while wearing pink pants, and it makes a lot of sense that it could be this one. Poulter is a very solid Open player, topping off with a second place finish last year at Royal Birkdale, has been very solid in the other majors (31st, 20th, and 18th) and is having a good year.

3. Lee Westwood. Westwood isn't super, duper great at the Open, but he does have two top tens in his career and has made the cut the last three years, so he's not horrible either. He's familiar with links style golf, being a communist and all, and is getting hot at the right time, with a tie for 8th last week in the Scottish Open coming on the heels of a runner-up finish in the French Open.

4. Hunter Mahan. This guy is quietly playing some of the best golf of anybody right now, but at the same time is a bit under the radar since he hasn't actually picked up a victory. He has top 10s in his last three starts, has made the cut in every event he has played this season, and has top tens in both of this year's majors. He did miss the cut last year at the Open, which gives me slight pause, but last year was a rough one for him, and not only has he found his game again but two years ago when he was playing well he pulled a sixth place finish at Carnoustie.

5. Sergio Garcia. Usually this sexy son of a bitch would be my #1 pick after Tiger, but a slow and disappointing year so far has really left me scratching my head. Still, the spaniard is a wizard when it comes to the British Open, with six top 10s in his last eight attempts and he does seem to be getting his game figured out, notching a tie for tenth at the US Open and has played better across the pond than here in the States.

6. Henrik Stenson. This guy is another one who it feels like is just waiting to win a major, and could be set up to do it this week. He already won this year at the "fifth major", the Players Championship at Sawgrass, and has been in contention at pretty much every major recently, with three top tens in the last four majors. He's a cool customer, since like most Swedes he has no soul, so if he's in contention coming down the stretch he isn't likely to Van de Velde it up.

7. Rory McIlroy. It's weird to pick a kid this young to be a top contender at the Open, but he's just tough. This year his four toughest events have resulted in a Quarterfinal finish at the Match Play, a 20th place finish at both the WGC-CA and the Masters, and a tie for tenth at the US Open - clearly he's not intimidated. Add in the fact that he is ripping it up on the European Tour (fifth in the Race to Dubai), and it wouldn't surprise me to see him right in the thick of it on Sunday.

8. Jim Furyk. Boring? Predictable? How about we go with steady instead. Top 11 in five of his last six tournaments, made the cut in fourteen of his last fifteen majors, and two top fives in his last three Opens, with a tie for twelfth in the third. He did miss five straight cuts at the British from 2001-2005, which shows me that this kind of golf can swallow him up at times and keeps me from putting him any higher on my list, but I expect him to hang around and at least make a little noise.

9. Paul Casey. I was looking back at my Masters and US Open previews, and I picked this clown first after Tiger and second after Tiger and Furyk, and he rewarded me with a T-20 and a missed cut, but I still can't drop him all the way, especially at the British where he finished seventh last year. He absolutely dominated the Euro Tour early, and still leads the Race to Dubai, but has faded in recent weeks. I expect being back in Europe will rejuvenate him.

10. Justin Leonard. This is a straight up hunch pick, which I can't really justify. He's had success at the British, but his win and his runner-up were both in the 1990s. Since then he's missed the cut as much as he's finished top twenty (three each) and he doesn't come in particularly hot, with two missed cuts in his last three tournaments. But I'm feelin' it!

And that's it. Some notable names are missing. Geoff Ogilvy, Zach Johnson, and Luke Donald are both garbage at the Open. Paddy is the two-time depending champion, but he's missed the cut in four of his last five events, and his game is just not in the right shape here again. I don't think Anthony Kim is ready just yet, and the wunderkind of the early season, Nick Watney, has fallen back to earth. Cink is still gay, and Els and Goosen are too far gone. One sleeper I've seen mentioned somewhere is Martin Kaymer, a commie who comes in hot, having won the last two Euro Tour events. Don't believe it. He doesn't have that kind of game.

- Finally, hold on to your butts people, the Sci Fi channel is having the marathon of all marathons on Saturday, July 25th, and I can't wait. Unfortunately, the Egyptian is getting married that day and I am an usher, so I can't exactly watch live, but the Tivo will be a crankin'. Check out the schedule:

8am - Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep
10am - Croc
Noon - Super Gator
2pm - Lake Placid 2
4pm - Spring Break Shark Attack (third best shark movie ever)
6pm - Deep Blue Sea
8pm - Malibu Shark Attack (World Premiere!)
10pm - Eye of the Beast (Dawson in a Squid movie)

I'm tivo'ing everything on that list except for Lake Placid 2 and Deep Blue Sea, which are super lame. Expect an influx of Live Movie Blogs in the coming weeks, as long as I can get Mrs. W to watch a few of these.

Also, Sci Fi renamed itself SyFy for some unfathomable reason. Can anyone explain this one? Cutesy for the sake of cutesy? I really hope somebody gets fired for this. This is even worse than the time Itchy ripped out Scratchy's spine and played it like a xylophone, but got two different notes from hitting the same rib.

That's it for now. I would expect to see a more indepth preview from Faldo tomorrow some time, and if we're really lucky maybe Super Sioux Fan will send in a new post.

Sorry Folks.

I know I haven't written in a while, and that will probably be the status for the rest of the week as I'm swamped at work, but I have been running around like a crazy person.

Last Thursday I brought Wonderbaby^TM to her first ever Twins game, and since I know you're curious, you'll be happy to know she loved it. She clapped when everyone else clapped, danced when the played loud music, and laughed and yelled when everyone was cheering. It was awesome. Smartest 14 month old ever. Need more proof? Whenever Snacks gets near her she bawls like Adam Morrison and desperately tries to get away. See, told you.

Then this past weekend was Grandma's marathon and we headed up there so Mrs. W could run the half (no, not me, are you crazy?). I'm very proud to say that despite the intense heat, a record amount of people dropping out needing medical attention, and a mild case of heat stroke, Mrs. W crossed the finish line and received her medal. I couldn't be more proud. The rest of the weekend was a good ole time, with the Optimators, Klingers, Dr. Aculas, and The Todd showing they still know how to have a good time (although The Todd did lose a refried bean eating contest to a girl). I also just want to say RIP Titus. And that's that.

Then was father's day activities on Sunday and softball last night (we won both games and I was awesome), so I've been a bit busy. This work week is a nightmare as well, so I won't be around much, but I I feel the need to drop a comment or two on the US Open.

I actually thought it was pretty boring. And not because Tiger effed up in round 1 and could never really get back into contention, I consider that a positive. Just because, once again, it seemed like nobody rose to the occasion to win. Glove won with a final round +3, and the other guy in the final group, Ricky Barnes, completely wet himself with a +6. Nobody behind them was able to make a run to the win, with nobody in the final top five shooting below par. I just don't like golf when nobody separates himself from the pack with an excellent Sunday (or Monday in this case).

There were only two real "moments" I can remember that fit the category. The first was Glover's huge birdie at 16 where he stuck his approach about five feet away, timed with a bogey from both Duval and Mickelson it jumped Glover from a tie at the top to a 2-stroke lead, which ended up being the final margin. The other was Mickelson's incredible Eagle on 13, when he hit his second shot on the par five to about four feet. Just an amazing shot, and after the putt he was suddenly tied for the lead at -4 and had all the momentum and looked like this was his to lose, exactly the kind of golf that is fun to watch.

As usual with Phil, however, when the U.S. Open is his to lose he couldn't get out of his own way, including two short missed par putts, one from about three feet and one from about six. This loss is certainly easier to take for Phil, as he has the family issues excuse conveniently at hand - I'm not saying it didn't play a part or that it isn't serious, just that if it wasn't there we would be hearing a lot more talk about Phil dropping an Open that looked to be his. That's five runner-up finishes without a win now. Like the guy who can't quite close the deal with the drunken strumpet at the bar night after night, it's got to be frustrating.

As for Glover, he has always been a pretty much middle-of-the-road golfer, and had never even made the cut at the Open so this is doubly huge for him. One thing I didn't know is that Glover is actually only 29 despite looking closer to forty. He's still a young golfer, so this could be the springboard that vaults him into a higher tier. I doubt it, but it's possible.

Lastly, and nobody seems to realize this, but Hunter Mahan is absolutely a US Open stud. Even though he isn't having a very good year, he still managed to tie for sixth and might have been higher if his absolutely perfect approach on 16 hadn't hit the flag pole which was apparently made of trampoline. That gives him three top-18s in three Open trips (we won't count 2003). Mark my words, Hunter will win this tournament in the next few years.

- NBA Draft on Thursday, and I heard on the radio that the Wolves new GM (David Kahn?) is the busiest GM in the league right now. Awesome. Other than Jefferson and Brewer (since they are coming off of injuries and you won't get fair value) should be in play to be traded. I hope they don't trade Love, and if they do it better be for more than him + #6 for #2, but if the right offer is there I'd be ok with it. With all those picks and expendable parts, it could be a fun night. Will there be a live blog? Strong maybe.

- One last thing before I return to being a slave for the man: Dolphin Stadium is being renamed Land Shark Stadium thanks to Jimmy Buffett. So awesome, and not because of that crappy beer. As you know if you read here often, I love sharks, so having the name Shark in a stadium is a victory for everyone. Plus, the Dolphins play there, and they are a shark's natural enemy. Expect a lot of dissention and unrest amongst that team this season.

More Golf, Less Gophers

Obviously, I have no real comments on the Gopher game, since I'm out in Pasadena and can't watch it. The good news is, the company I work for rented out Warner Brothers studios for us tonight and plied us with free booze until midnight. The bad news is the score of that abortion of a game. All I know, is Snacks called me to say "It's the eight minute timeout and the Gophers are down 22 and we're leaving" and then Dawger called me to say "I really don't want to recap that game." Well, Dawger better recap that game or he's fired.

Looking at the boxscore, the turnovers were even, the rebounds were even, but Illinois shot 59% and the Gophers shot 33%. So much for that vaunted defense. Also nice to see Dan Coleman not show up, finishing with 5 points and 3 rebounds. Also very weird is Travis Busch played four minutes and took 3 shots. That can't possibly be a good sign. Luckily I'm way too drunk to bother writing because I have to get to bed because my asshat of a boss decided I need to be at a meeting at 7am. Thanks.

But the real good news, is we have a new PGA post from Grand Slam.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Well for all of you disappointed ass clowns who were so disappointed at me last week for not talking about Phil Mickelson's tight shirts, or how big his man breast are.....sorry to disappoint you again. Phil missed the sunday cut, therefore we will not be talking about him this week. So for you who need your weekly man breast fix, you will have to get it from your gay porn collection.

As for the golf tournament itself, did anyone else feel like they were watching the American Century Celebrity Golf Tournament at Lake Tahoe?? I mean for gods sake, all it was for the first 3 days of coverage was celebrities......Boring!!! Its like all of a sudden they got to Sunday and realized that they should maybe show some PGA tour players, hence the reason they play on the PGA Tour. But in all honestly there was alot of drama when it came to the professionals. Part way through the 4th round, Vijay Singh had a 4 shot lead until the back 9 came calling. With bogeys on the 10th, 14th, 15th, and 16th and a inward nine of 39, that is not gonna win you alot of golf tournaments when in contention on sunday afternoons. The result was a man who hasn't won on the tour in 7 years, and was playing this year on a minor-medical exemption.

Steve Lowery who was ranked #305 in the World Golf Rankings coming to the tournament received a nice little paycheck, along with a 2 year exemption on the PGA Tour, and a little trip down Magnolia LN come April (That's the Masters for you idiots who don't know) As for Vijay, a man who has seemed to really choke tournaments away in the last couple of years, continued his trend.

This week the Tour will head to legendary Riviera CC for the 2008 Northern Trust Open, formerly know as the Nissan Open. This week 17 of the top 20 players in the world will tee it up. A couple of notables will be making their first PGA tour start of the year in Sergio Garcia and Adam Scott. Although you do need to hit it a long ways at Riviera, putting is always the key to winning here.

That being said, my pick to win this week is young Hunter Mahan.

Talk to you fools next week.