Twins vs. Royals

I haven't done this but once I think this year, but now seems like a good time to live blog a Twins game. Since this is supposed to be the big home stand where they can really make a run playing the lowly Royals and Indians for six straight home games. We'll see.

- The guy who never walks anybody ever, Nick Blackburn, falls behind David of Jesus 3-1, then puts one right into the perfect slap zone - waist high, outside corner - and noted slap hitter DeJesus shoots it into left for a single. Captain Slap himself, Joe Mauer, would have loved that pitch.

- Speaking of Mauer, he just attempted to throw out a runner stealing and the throw was about four feet to the shortstop side of the bag. Bert's comment? "Blackburn really gave up too much of a jump to Anderson there." No matter that he could have waited til the ball was half way to the plate before running and still made it.

- 1-0 Royals after Billy "the second coming of Steve Balboni" Butler singles to right. I'm already frustrated. This might be the shortest live blog ever.

- Who would you rather have start at second, Punto or Casilla? I don't see any upside either way.

- After a four pitch walk, Miguel Olivo slaps one past Morneau down the line to score another couple runs, making it a 3-0 Royals lead. In case that's not depressing enough already, BB Gun seemingly is refusing to throw strikes. The good news here is that with 2 outs, the Ryan Leaf of baseball players Alex Gordon is now up. If you can't get Gordon out, you might as well quit.

- Ground rule double. 4-0. And Alex Gordon ripped a pitch. That's his first double of the year. I know he's been hurt, but still, even when he hasn't been he's sucked. I'm so glad I decided to live blog this one.

- Twins finally up, still down 4-0. At least they get to hit off Kyle Davies. That pretty much guarantees they can get to four runs no problem. Well, if they weren't the Twins they could.

- Cabrera has been so hot since he came over, just imagine if Brendan Harris was playing second. And that single up the middle gets his hit streak to 20.

- Wild pitch scores Cabrera after a Mauer single, then Morneau walks. Two on, one out, 3-1 game and the best player on the Twins, Jason Kubel at the bat. I'm calling a double, scoring two.

- Or a force out at seond. Crap. Now it's up to that damn Cuddyer. I'm calling a strikeout on a ball in the dirt. I know, I know, I'm crazy.

- 2-2 count after Cuddy swings at misses at a bitch at his eyes. Here comes the slider in the dirt.

- Nope, just blew a fastball right by him. I know what Cuddy's numbers say, and I'm generally a quantitative over qualitative guy, but I just can't shake the feeling that this guy sucks at hitting. I'm starting to understand why people bitch about Pat Burrell and Adam Dunn when they watch them all season long. Despite the successes, the strikeouts are just so aesthetically ugly that they grate on you after a time. He's just like Phil Rivers throwing motion or Jim Furyk's swing - it's ugly, but it's effective.

- Uh oh, according to Robbie Mcintowkialoliwak, the Royals scouts have figured out Blackburn, and the hitters are waiting on the sinker and just shooting it the other way, and are able to do this because they aren't worried about the fastball getting by them. This makes a god damn lot of sense, because every batter so far, other than the ones he walks instead - as he just did to DeJesus, has gone to opposite field (as did whoever just got that hit. Maier or something like that).

- Jesus F. Duensing is up in the pen. It's the second god damned inning.

- Sac bunt attempt. Blackie goes to third with it, throw is high and Harris can't handle it. Bases loaded, nobody out. I am very, very close to checking out of this game. These guy suck. It's like watching the bad news bears right now, but without the humor and racial slurs.

- Double play, but another run in. 5-1 now in the second.

- Another knock for the Royals when Blackburn falls behind again and it's 6-1. Duensing coming in. I'm done with this, and with this team.

- I suppose I should do some PGA preview, but I don't want to, so instead here is your top six most likely to win other than Tiger Woods:
1. Kenny Perry
2. Steve Stricker
3. Lee Westwood
4. Zach Johnson
5. Tim Clark
6. Camilo Villegas

- A Delmon foul out, a Harris strikeout, and a slap flyout by Casilla and suddenly the worst pitcher in the world has a 1-2-3 inning and three strikeouts through two. Great.

- Hey, did you know the PGA Championship is in Minnesota this week? I just found out. The media coverage hasn't been super annoying or anything. Now Hunter Mahan is in the press box with Dick and Bert, wearing a Twins jersey. It makes me like him a little more for showing up to a baseball game, but the Twins jersey I'm pretty sure dooms him to miss the cut.

- Home run Olivo. 7-1. Delmon Young looked like a hippopotamus chasing a butterfly trying to get to that one (it just barely cleared the fence, Span probably comes down with it).

- Some walks, some hits, and it's 8-1 and already the longest game in history.

- Span strikeout, Cabrera foul out, Mauer single, Morneau fly out. I'm officially bored and stopping this. Sidler, if you're still out there break down this whole Rios to the Sox thing for me, I'm too lazy to do it.

WWWWWW I'm coming.

BB-Gun or Burnsy (I haven't decided which nick name I prefer) put another notch on his bed post last night by going into a notorious hitters park (Coors Field) and mowing down the Rockies. Bursy is now 4-2 and the Twins just played their 41st game. Using my Cooper math skills (just ask Rodney), that means the Twins and Burnsy are roughly a quarter of the way through the season, herego Burnsy is on pace for 16 wins. Which means I should be able to evict the WWWWW's from their house around Labor Day. Baby WWWWWW will be able to stay because Grace needs a sparring partner.

Moving on, BB-Gun was invincible except for some guy named Barmes who almost hit for the cycle. The Rockies are absolutely stacked at short stop with Barmes and Tulowitski (out until the All-Star break with torn quad). How is that fair? The Twins best hitting short stop in the last 20 years was probably Pat Meares.

Look for Livan to win his 7th game today and Young to notch his first homerun of the season.