I've come full circle. I am now embracing the new Twins. I raged. I cried. I bitched. I complained about Gardy until I was blue in the face. I questioned why they went Nishioka over Hardy at the beginning of the year and I continued on that all season long. I questioned Mauer's heart, Span's head, and Morneau's everything. I wondering what was going on with management and the training staff, and I couldn't understand why they weren't more aggressive trading off pieces for prospects at the trade deadline. But I'm done now.
Now it's time to accept the Twins are broken. Blame at on injuries if you must, for it is convenient and soothing, but the fact of the matter is those who weren't hurt, and the times where the team was intact, were mediocre at best. It times to move on. Yes, I'm betting we'll have more Augusts and Septembers of meaningless ball, but if everything goes according to (my) plan, we'll at least be watching players who could be part of the future, rather than the lingering remnants of a disappointing and unfulfilled past. With that spirit, I am going to do a review/preview of this team by position, starting with catcher.
It is becoming apparent that Joe Mauer's future is no longer behind the plate, at least not full-time and I'm betting we'll see a full-time move in the next year or two, whether it is to the outfield or first base I don't know, but it's coming. Mainly due to his inability to stay on the field, but also, in my opinion, because they need something to explain why the guy they just gave the biggest contract ever to put up a batting line more reminiscent of Danny Valencia than what we're used to seeing from him. Next year is an absolute monster for Mauer, a huge crossroads year, and his chance to prove that he's worth that contract.
A huge chunk of Mauer's value always came from the fact that he was one of the best hitters in the league at a position where defense is considered the priority, and most team's don't have an issue with letting offense slide. Catcher's average OPS+ (where 100 is an average batter, higher is better) has historically been around 90, all the way from the 1950s-2000s. That's the worst of any position player, on par with shortstop. So when Mauer has a run like he did from 2006-2010 when his aggregate OPS+ was 142, you are in a huge advantage versus most teams. Even if he hits like that and plays outfield or 1b, you're still holding an advantage against most squads, even if it is diminished somewhat.
So the real question, more important than establishing what position he's going to play, is whether or not Mauer can get back to the hitter we all saw those five years, or if he's now become this slappy Luis Rodriguez type of hitter. This year was so far removed from what we usually see out of Joe I'm ready to call it a fluke with one caveat that I'll get to later. His power fell off a cliff, and I don't mean home run power because in that case the 28 HR season was the fluke, but he stopped hitting doubles. His walk rate went down and his strikeout rate went up. He hit an absolutely ridiculous amount of groundballs, even for him, and made contact and far fewer of his swings, despite not changing the pitches he was swinging at. It was a truly bizarre year.
Which is why I'm mostly inclined to dismiss it as an anomaly and expect to see Mauer back hitting in the mid-.300s with his 10 homers, 30 doubles, and a nice OBP. However, that one caveat I mentioned earlier is his health, and this year has truly been dizzying with the ailments. From bilateral leg weakness at the start to pneumonia at the end, I don't know if he was ever truly healthy this year. It's easy enough to question his toughness and his heart when he has to sit out four games with a sore neck, especially when Ezal was back out there within minutes hustling Smokey for money after he fell on that wet floor, but perhaps he wasn't ever healthy. Perhaps there were some serious health issues more time off at the start of the year was what was needed. I really don't know, and I don't think anybody else really does either. Which is why I'm officially giving the $200 million dollar man a pass on this one. Everybody deserves a second chance. Let's just hope he's back to normal because the Twins are stuck with him - nobody's trading for that contract - at whatever position he may be.
And what if they do move him? Who becomes the new catcher? The only two prospects at the position who were major league ready were shipped off in short-sighted moves by the front office for a reliever who defines average stuff was looked attractive because he had a bunch of shiny saves and a low-A reliever whose strikeout rates dropped each of the last three seasons. So it's going to be Drew Butera or Rene Rivera? Gross.
Rivera is a career minor leaguer and Butera is a defensive specialist, and neither can hit. Both OPS+ at a 13 this year. 13! Thir-fucking-teen. That means they don't get hits, they don't get walks, and on the rare occasion they do get a hit it's a single basically every time.
Butera had the worst OPS+ in the league out of any player with at least 230 plate appearances, twice as bad as the Rays' Reid Brignac who was second with a 27. Rene Rivera had the worst OPS out of any player with at least 100 plate appearances. Which means that the two worst hitters in all of major league baseball who were given 100 PAs or more were both Twins' catchers. Of 82 pitchers in the NL with at least 30 plate appearances, 26 of them OPS+ed better than the 13 the two-headed little girl with a bat put-up, and the most astonishing thing of all is that I was astonished it was that few.
Wait, there's more. Since 1920, Drew Butera put up the 3rd worst OPS+ by any batter with 230 PAs or more. His .153 average is the fourth worst, and with a little luck he might even be able to get to second (worst is .135 by Ray Oyler in '68). He also had the 3rd worst OBP. The good news? It was only the 20th worst slugging percentage. He's a hell of a defender, has a great arm, and I think will probably be an excellent coach some day, but he. can. not. hit. His numbers were only slightly better last year. This is who he is. He can't be a starter.
Rivera has hit, a little, in the minors with a career line of .252/.306/.390, which basically projects him as a serviceable triple-AAA catcher, and not, as we saw this year, a major league caliber player. This means the Twins are stuck. They need to move Mauer, or at least believe they do, but have hamstrung themselves with no available major league type players who can be an every day catcher. Jose Morales was no titan for the Rockies this year, but he'd at least be a viable alternative, and I really don't even want to talk about Wilson Ramos. It was a terribly short-sighted trade at the time and it's just continued to get worst as Ramos continues to hit, hit with power, show a good batting eye, and throw runners out. Oh yeah, both Morales and Ramos have thrown out a higher percentage of would-be base stealers than Butera.
I don't want to dwell on Ramos, but Aaron Gleeman dug up a little factoid on Ramos's season. He's currently at an OPS+ of 112 at the age of 23. The list of catchers with at least 400 PAs in a season to OPS+ over 100 is Mauer, Buster Posey, Jason Kendall, Craig Biggio, Russell Martin, and Ramos. That's it. I don't think it's completely overstating it to say that the trade of Ramos, factoring in their return and what's happened with Mauer, may have set the franchise back a few years. Yes, years.
Since they can't count on Mauer and Butera and Rivera are brutal then what? Free agent? The list of potential free agent catchers is underwhelming and mainly full of career back-up types. The only names on that list I'm remotely interested in are Kelly Shoppach and Ryan Doumit, and they probably won't pay Shoppach, if Tampa even buys him out, and Doumit is oft-injured so who knows. I don't.
The most realistic scenario has the team heading into next year expecting Mauer to catch half the time and Butera do catch half the time, something that is just incredibly depressing to me. Remember what I said about being optimistic and heading into next year looking towards the future? I give up. Hopefully when I do this rundown on the other positions I'll feel better, but right now I don't even want to think about writing any more about the Twins.
Showing posts with label Wilson Ramos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wilson Ramos. Show all posts
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday's Musings (Twins, British Open, Tomlin, TV, Noodle Arms, etc.)
Well it's begun already. I suppose it was inevitable. I was listening to the telecast of the Twins first game and they were talking about the Twins possibly making any moves at the trade deadline. You probably already know where this is going. So Bert says, he says, "You know, with Span and Kubel about to come off the DL and Morneau down the road (ED: yeah right) the Twins don't really need to make a move, getting those guys back is already better than making a trade.
Yes. It's true. You knew it was coming. I'm pretty sure you'll hear that same sentiment at least three more times from various announcers/coaches/scribes/radio dudes, and every time you should know it makes me die a little inside.
Speaking of the Twins and dying how freaking bad is Matt Capps? Meanwhile, in case you're curious, Wilson Ramos is hitting .257/.333/.442 with 9 homers for the Nationals and has thrown out 36% of would-be base stealers. What that essentially means is he's a Drew Butera who can hit. I'm not exactly sure of the wording yet, but I'm pretty sure if I end up killing myself in the next month or so I want that on my tombstone. That or sausage and pepperoni and green pepper.
- The British Open was kind of interesting in a boring way. Once again it proved itself to be nearly impossible to predict. I mean, look how many top guys missed the cut here: #1 Luke Donald, #2 Lee Westwood, #8 Matt Kuchar, #10 Nick Watney., #11 Graeme McDowell I guess in retrospect it shouldn't have been surprising that Donald missed it because he's a bit of a dandy, but the other three were definite surprises. But it makes sense. Look at who has won this thing lately: Darren Clarke, Louis Oosthuizen, Stewart "gayest golfer on the tour" Cink. Before that were two for Paddy and two for Tiger, but this tournament is definitely most likely to be won by a stunner. Tom Watson's almost win. Todd Hamilton who I could have sworn was a figure skater. Ben Curtis. John Daly.
I'm not even sure it's real golf over there. But there's no doubt that there are a few guys who you can never count out in a major no matter how badly they look like they're playing in the previous weeks: Phil, Dustin Johnson, Anthony Kim, Y.E. Yang - always a threat in majors. Just like guys like Hunter Mahan, Luke Donald, and Ian Poulter have proven it doesn't matter how they're playing or how they're trending or what they're course history is - they can miss a cut at any time.
And the saddest thing of all? Jim Furyk and Retief Goosen used to be in group 1, but now I think you gotta put them in group 2. Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, it tolls for thee.
- As I pointed out last week, Indians' starter Josh Tomlin has a chance to become just the 16th pitcher to qualify for the batting title and finish the season with more home runs allowed than walks allowed. He took another step towards history on Friday when he allowed 3 home runs to the Orioles against just 1 walk, bringing his season totals to 18 HR allowed and 15 BB allowed. Additionally, with 11 wins so far he has a chance to become the second most winning pitcher who gave up more homers than walks behind Robin Roberts 19 wins in 1956. He won't catch Roberts but if he can get to 17 wins he'll pass Greg Maddux, Jose Lima, and Rick Reed to hold the solo second position. I dunno. Seems significant.
- Speaking of dominant pitching did you see Jeff Karstens threw a 83-pitch 5-hit shutout for the suddenly playoff-contending Pirates on Friday? I don't know which part is weirder - that somebody actually only needed 83 pitches to finish a game or that it was Karstens who has thrown a complete game since 2008 because he's usually too busy getting schellacked. Since I know you're wondering I looked it up and this is the 15th time since 2000 that somebody has thrown a 9-inning complete game using 83 pitches or less. So I guess it's not as unbelievable as I thought, especially since included in that group are Carlos Silva (74 pitches in 2005) and Scott Baker (79 pitches in 2007) and I don't remember either of them. I guess my whole equilibrium is just off since the Pirates are in contention.
- I don't think I've mentioned this before, but the kids' show Phineas and Ferb is one of the five best shows on TV. Parks and Rec, Community, Game of Thrones, Curb, and Phineas and Ferb. If you have kids, get them hooked on this immediately. Whereas I want to stab my own face off after more than one episode of most kids' shows - especially Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - I could sit and watch Phineas and Ferb by myself for hours, so it's actually not torture to sit and watch with WonderbabyTM. The Bear got a few episodes with us a few weeks back and he laughed out loud a couple of times, and he hates everything, so you know it's good.
- Honestly, if you grabbed 100 random people from local softball leagues how many of them do you think would have a better arm than Ben Revere? I wouldn't - I'm a kick-ass infielder - but how many out of 100? I know Snacks has a better arm and a couple other guys I play/played softball with do. I'm willing to bet it's at least 25%. I love Ben Revere and all - he's 10x the center fielder Span was and twice Gomez - but that arm is terrifyingly bad.
- I just bought these shoes because I need something for casual Fridays at work. Thoughts?
- Joe Mauer, as of this second, has six hits in this doubleheader. That's pretty impressive, but what really stands out to me is that one of those hits is a double. I mean, do you know how rare that is for the "Singles King of Minnesota?" (he's like Abe Froman but different).
- I don't like this new Eric on True Blood. I also don't understand what's up with these "faeries. And Pam is way less hot now. " I also don't think Anna Paquin has gotten naked yet this season, which is stupid because it's probably 25% of why I watch this show. Another 25% is hoping Jessica will do a nude scene already.
The remaining 50% is because Mrs. W is hoping to see some Alcide wang. True story.
- Pretty good debut by Scott Diamond here (Twins trailing 2-1 in bottom 6), and it damn well better be since he cost them Billy Bullock. You know, the same Billy Bullock who was a 2nd round pick and was a rare minor league arm in the system who could strike people out from the bullpen. In case you're curious in AA for Atlanta this year he's pitched 37 innings, allowed 29 hits, walked 19, and struck out fucking 53. Good thing they don't need him though.
- Looks like while I was taking out the trash/slicing some celery/making a drink the Twins tied it up and then left Diamond in for too long, brought in Phil Dumacrap, and now they're about to get swept in this double-header, the exact double header they could have used to basically slingshot start into a second half pennant run. Nice.
- Speaking of WonderbabyTM back whenever I mentioned her she's now somehow gotten to the age where going to bed is equivalent in terribleness to the holocaust. Honest to god I think she's insane. She will completely agree to "Ok, one more Phineas and Ferb and then it's bedtime. No whining, no crying, no fighting" and say those exact words and everything but the minute that show is over and I tell her it's really bedtime we're looking at meltdown city. This one time she actually grabbed the scimitar I keep on the counter and took a swipe at me. True story.
- Requisite picture of my idiot kids:
And here's a picture of my kick-ass son trying to house a chicken wing despite being significantly tooth-challenged:
- Is it insensitive to say that Chuck James looks like he has either the AIDS or the cancer? Because if it is then I totally didn't say that, it was a friend of mine who wanted to know.
- Pitches like one too.
- Freakin' Babe Plouffe indeed. Too bad everyone else on the team sucks more balls than your mom.
- I hate the Twins and I hate all of you.
Yes. It's true. You knew it was coming. I'm pretty sure you'll hear that same sentiment at least three more times from various announcers/coaches/scribes/radio dudes, and every time you should know it makes me die a little inside.
Speaking of the Twins and dying how freaking bad is Matt Capps? Meanwhile, in case you're curious, Wilson Ramos is hitting .257/.333/.442 with 9 homers for the Nationals and has thrown out 36% of would-be base stealers. What that essentially means is he's a Drew Butera who can hit. I'm not exactly sure of the wording yet, but I'm pretty sure if I end up killing myself in the next month or so I want that on my tombstone. That or sausage and pepperoni and green pepper.
- The British Open was kind of interesting in a boring way. Once again it proved itself to be nearly impossible to predict. I mean, look how many top guys missed the cut here: #1 Luke Donald, #2 Lee Westwood, #8 Matt Kuchar, #10 Nick Watney., #11 Graeme McDowell I guess in retrospect it shouldn't have been surprising that Donald missed it because he's a bit of a dandy, but the other three were definite surprises. But it makes sense. Look at who has won this thing lately: Darren Clarke, Louis Oosthuizen, Stewart "gayest golfer on the tour" Cink. Before that were two for Paddy and two for Tiger, but this tournament is definitely most likely to be won by a stunner. Tom Watson's almost win. Todd Hamilton who I could have sworn was a figure skater. Ben Curtis. John Daly.
I'm not even sure it's real golf over there. But there's no doubt that there are a few guys who you can never count out in a major no matter how badly they look like they're playing in the previous weeks: Phil, Dustin Johnson, Anthony Kim, Y.E. Yang - always a threat in majors. Just like guys like Hunter Mahan, Luke Donald, and Ian Poulter have proven it doesn't matter how they're playing or how they're trending or what they're course history is - they can miss a cut at any time.
And the saddest thing of all? Jim Furyk and Retief Goosen used to be in group 1, but now I think you gotta put them in group 2. Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, it tolls for thee.
- As I pointed out last week, Indians' starter Josh Tomlin has a chance to become just the 16th pitcher to qualify for the batting title and finish the season with more home runs allowed than walks allowed. He took another step towards history on Friday when he allowed 3 home runs to the Orioles against just 1 walk, bringing his season totals to 18 HR allowed and 15 BB allowed. Additionally, with 11 wins so far he has a chance to become the second most winning pitcher who gave up more homers than walks behind Robin Roberts 19 wins in 1956. He won't catch Roberts but if he can get to 17 wins he'll pass Greg Maddux, Jose Lima, and Rick Reed to hold the solo second position. I dunno. Seems significant.
- Speaking of dominant pitching did you see Jeff Karstens threw a 83-pitch 5-hit shutout for the suddenly playoff-contending Pirates on Friday? I don't know which part is weirder - that somebody actually only needed 83 pitches to finish a game or that it was Karstens who has thrown a complete game since 2008 because he's usually too busy getting schellacked. Since I know you're wondering I looked it up and this is the 15th time since 2000 that somebody has thrown a 9-inning complete game using 83 pitches or less. So I guess it's not as unbelievable as I thought, especially since included in that group are Carlos Silva (74 pitches in 2005) and Scott Baker (79 pitches in 2007) and I don't remember either of them. I guess my whole equilibrium is just off since the Pirates are in contention.
- I don't think I've mentioned this before, but the kids' show Phineas and Ferb is one of the five best shows on TV. Parks and Rec, Community, Game of Thrones, Curb, and Phineas and Ferb. If you have kids, get them hooked on this immediately. Whereas I want to stab my own face off after more than one episode of most kids' shows - especially Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - I could sit and watch Phineas and Ferb by myself for hours, so it's actually not torture to sit and watch with WonderbabyTM. The Bear got a few episodes with us a few weeks back and he laughed out loud a couple of times, and he hates everything, so you know it's good.
- Honestly, if you grabbed 100 random people from local softball leagues how many of them do you think would have a better arm than Ben Revere? I wouldn't - I'm a kick-ass infielder - but how many out of 100? I know Snacks has a better arm and a couple other guys I play/played softball with do. I'm willing to bet it's at least 25%. I love Ben Revere and all - he's 10x the center fielder Span was and twice Gomez - but that arm is terrifyingly bad.
- I just bought these shoes because I need something for casual Fridays at work. Thoughts?
- Joe Mauer, as of this second, has six hits in this doubleheader. That's pretty impressive, but what really stands out to me is that one of those hits is a double. I mean, do you know how rare that is for the "Singles King of Minnesota?" (he's like Abe Froman but different).
- I don't like this new Eric on True Blood. I also don't understand what's up with these "faeries. And Pam is way less hot now. " I also don't think Anna Paquin has gotten naked yet this season, which is stupid because it's probably 25% of why I watch this show. Another 25% is hoping Jessica will do a nude scene already.
- Pretty good debut by Scott Diamond here (Twins trailing 2-1 in bottom 6), and it damn well better be since he cost them Billy Bullock. You know, the same Billy Bullock who was a 2nd round pick and was a rare minor league arm in the system who could strike people out from the bullpen. In case you're curious in AA for Atlanta this year he's pitched 37 innings, allowed 29 hits, walked 19, and struck out fucking 53. Good thing they don't need him though.
- Looks like while I was taking out the trash/slicing some celery/making a drink the Twins tied it up and then left Diamond in for too long, brought in Phil Dumacrap, and now they're about to get swept in this double-header, the exact double header they could have used to basically slingshot start into a second half pennant run. Nice.
- Speaking of WonderbabyTM back whenever I mentioned her she's now somehow gotten to the age where going to bed is equivalent in terribleness to the holocaust. Honest to god I think she's insane. She will completely agree to "Ok, one more Phineas and Ferb and then it's bedtime. No whining, no crying, no fighting" and say those exact words and everything but the minute that show is over and I tell her it's really bedtime we're looking at meltdown city. This one time she actually grabbed the scimitar I keep on the counter and took a swipe at me. True story.
- Requisite picture of my idiot kids:
- Is it insensitive to say that Chuck James looks like he has either the AIDS or the cancer? Because if it is then I totally didn't say that, it was a friend of mine who wanted to know.
- Pitches like one too.
- Freakin' Babe Plouffe indeed. Too bad everyone else on the team sucks more balls than your mom.
- I hate the Twins and I hate all of you.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Five Game Lead.
Home from the hospital and watching the end of the Twins game. Might as well put some thoughts down on paper (as it were). We're in the top of the seventh, Twins up 7-5 with a runner on first and one out.
Just got a text from Snacks: "Wow chris sale is fucking nasty, not looking forward to seeing him for the next 20 years." Agree with the nasty part, and I'll assume 20 years in hyperbole. Follow up text "Or he could be the next Mike MacDougal." Also possible. I don't know if he's projected to end up a starter someday, which is what I'd bet on, but let's hope the Sox ship him out in a trade for Manny Ramirez or something. He made Joe Mauer look silly, and that doesn't happen often.
- Jesse Crain is in, and man has he turned a corner for me. It wasn't long ago I would cringed at him coming in here, but right now I'm pretty happy he's in for this high leverage situation. Don't let me down Jesse. Everybody I know named Jesse just ends up disappointing me or letting me down and I just don't like any of them. If you know anybody named Jesse, they probably suck, am I right? Don't be like that Crain, don't be like that.
- Strikes out Konerko who did not, in fact, Konork one. Inning over.
- Justin Morneau commercial here, where he's drinking any size softdrink from McDonald's for just a buck while lifting weights with a bear. Do McDonald's any size soft drinks for a dollar cause symptoms similar to a terrible concussion? Dizziness? Disorientation? Bloating? Who hasn't felt that after eating (and, presumably, drinking) at McDonald's? Has anyone investigated this?
- So I'm pretty happy with the Trevor Mbakwe news (he's back on the Gopher squad) and you should be too assuming you're not an old white guy who hates any black player who has ever had a minor scrape with the law, deserved or not. If nothing else this proves that Mbakwe is slippery enough to work his way out of an obvious frame job by some kind of anti-Minnesota cabal. Something Royce White couldn't manage. Worth mentioning.
- Sale walks Kubel. Guess he's not that good afterall.
- Tall, throws 97+, and wild as hell. He could end up the next Randy Johnson. Or the next Odalis Perez.
- Knock for Cuddy (suck it Snacks). He hit that ball as slow as one can and still get it through the SS/3B hole, but it's still a hit. Guys a stud.
- Strikes out Thome on 3 pitches and made him look silly. If nothing else, Sale has a future as a LH specialist, although I suspect he's going to embarrass some Twins as a starter for years to come.
- Wait, Brett Favre is coming back to QB the Vikes? How do I not know this? Why isn't there any media coverage of something this big? An embarrassment of epic proportions for the media here. Like when Torii Hunter dove for that ball Mark Kotsay hit.
- Scott Linebrink in. So the Sox bullpen has Linebrink, Santos, Putz, Thornton, and Sale? Holy god does that sound good. Too bad they suck.
- Delmon with a hard hit ball to first for an out which moves the runners up. I'm stunned right now that Bert isn't extolling his virtue for "sacrifing" himself to move the runners along.
- One thing I would post about if I was doing a 6 things post tonight is how BYU is leaving the Mountain West. Having Boise move in seemed to legitimize the conference (football wise), but then having Utah leave neutralized that move, so I guess BYU figured they weren't ever going to get a BCS bid this way (note: try being good first) so they are taking this step. Although this means the rest of their sports are apparently moving to the WAC, which kills their basketball team. Now I understand football makes the money, but BYU in hoops could basically pencil themselves in for an NCAA bid every single year, and now they are moving to a conference where it takes an absolute incredible season to get a bid (ask Utah State). About the only upside I see here is that when I attend my semi-annual USU game I get a shot at seeing BYU. Although I fail to see how that helps the Cougars. Maybe they feel pretty good about throwing off the shackles on a conference affiliation. Next is throwing off the shackles of an oppressive religion. Baby steps, I suppose.
- Quentin (who I still thinks looks like a retarded Cartman) laces a hit to center. AJ now up with nobody down. And you know what? I have no idea why people boo A.J. when he comes to Minnesota. The guy played his heart out when he was here, has nothing but good things to say about the Twins organization if you listen to him when he's on KFAN, and is just a gamer, which white people seem to love. The alleged Delmon Young play which isn't a controversy although people seem to be trying to make it one? When asked about it AJ said, "He had no other play and it's part of the game" or something similar. You want me to say it? Fine. I love A.J. Pierzinski. And I love him even more now because he hit into a double play.
- We might be heading towards a Capps appearance here. That makes me far more nervous than bringing in an acquired at the trade deadline closer should. Oh and I saw earlier today on Twitter (follow me @downwithgoldy) that the Nationals called up Wilson Ramos after he had a solid few weeks at AAA. Man, if he ends up becoming a star, I won't care at all because the Twins are winning the World Series this year.
- First and third now after Hudson and Mauer hits. Makes Mauer 4-5, with a HR and a double. Pretty good night. He's been about as hot as anybody since the break. Do you realize how good this lineup would be if Morneau hadn't gotten whacked in the head? Or how good it is without him? Snacks made an interested point last time he was drunk and rambling; getting Morneau back basically just takes Thome out of the lineup. Do ou want Thome out of the lineup? I sure as hell don't. Maybe Morneau will clear waivers and they can trade him for Dan Haren.
- Kubel grounds out because he sucks and that's why I traded him. Capps in. Breath being held.
- Text from Snacks: "I feel like Capps blwing saves now will benefit the Twins so Crain is doing it in October." I don't even know what to say here. Poor kid has an obsession with Jesse Crain that borders on the creepy. Also, I'd assume he means "doing it in October" as saving games, but really. Jesse Crain in the 9th in a one run game against the Yankees in the playoffs? I can't imagine anybody likes that idea, not even Crain lover #1.
- It's the Final Countdown. Bu-du dah dah, buh-dah dah dah dah, dah-du dah dah dah, the Final Countdown!
- One out. Easy. Omar Vizquel should retire.
- Jason Repko in right to replace Kubel. Good. Game needs more Repko.
- Double by Beckham. Terribel terrible terrible pitch. Right down the middle. Seriously, if we rate Rauch as say a 7.0, Capps is a 7.1. Ugh.
- Base hit by Pierre. One run game. Ugh.
- Ramirez somehow misses on an absolute meatball and grounds out to third base. Tying run on second, two away. I really really really hope nobody was expecting Joe Nathan when they traded for Capps. If you were you are an idiot and should stop watching baseball. Giving up Ramos for him was just terrible.
- Konerko grounds out to first, Twins win and are now up 5 games. Wrap this one up, it's over. Looking forward to getting swept by the Yankees. Good night everybody.
Just got a text from Snacks: "Wow chris sale is fucking nasty, not looking forward to seeing him for the next 20 years." Agree with the nasty part, and I'll assume 20 years in hyperbole. Follow up text "Or he could be the next Mike MacDougal." Also possible. I don't know if he's projected to end up a starter someday, which is what I'd bet on, but let's hope the Sox ship him out in a trade for Manny Ramirez or something. He made Joe Mauer look silly, and that doesn't happen often.
- Jesse Crain is in, and man has he turned a corner for me. It wasn't long ago I would cringed at him coming in here, but right now I'm pretty happy he's in for this high leverage situation. Don't let me down Jesse. Everybody I know named Jesse just ends up disappointing me or letting me down and I just don't like any of them. If you know anybody named Jesse, they probably suck, am I right? Don't be like that Crain, don't be like that.
- Strikes out Konerko who did not, in fact, Konork one. Inning over.
- Justin Morneau commercial here, where he's drinking any size softdrink from McDonald's for just a buck while lifting weights with a bear. Do McDonald's any size soft drinks for a dollar cause symptoms similar to a terrible concussion? Dizziness? Disorientation? Bloating? Who hasn't felt that after eating (and, presumably, drinking) at McDonald's? Has anyone investigated this?
- So I'm pretty happy with the Trevor Mbakwe news (he's back on the Gopher squad) and you should be too assuming you're not an old white guy who hates any black player who has ever had a minor scrape with the law, deserved or not. If nothing else this proves that Mbakwe is slippery enough to work his way out of an obvious frame job by some kind of anti-Minnesota cabal. Something Royce White couldn't manage. Worth mentioning.
- Sale walks Kubel. Guess he's not that good afterall.
- Tall, throws 97+, and wild as hell. He could end up the next Randy Johnson. Or the next Odalis Perez.
- Knock for Cuddy (suck it Snacks). He hit that ball as slow as one can and still get it through the SS/3B hole, but it's still a hit. Guys a stud.
- Strikes out Thome on 3 pitches and made him look silly. If nothing else, Sale has a future as a LH specialist, although I suspect he's going to embarrass some Twins as a starter for years to come.
- Wait, Brett Favre is coming back to QB the Vikes? How do I not know this? Why isn't there any media coverage of something this big? An embarrassment of epic proportions for the media here. Like when Torii Hunter dove for that ball Mark Kotsay hit.
- Scott Linebrink in. So the Sox bullpen has Linebrink, Santos, Putz, Thornton, and Sale? Holy god does that sound good. Too bad they suck.
- Delmon with a hard hit ball to first for an out which moves the runners up. I'm stunned right now that Bert isn't extolling his virtue for "sacrifing" himself to move the runners along.
- One thing I would post about if I was doing a 6 things post tonight is how BYU is leaving the Mountain West. Having Boise move in seemed to legitimize the conference (football wise), but then having Utah leave neutralized that move, so I guess BYU figured they weren't ever going to get a BCS bid this way (note: try being good first) so they are taking this step. Although this means the rest of their sports are apparently moving to the WAC, which kills their basketball team. Now I understand football makes the money, but BYU in hoops could basically pencil themselves in for an NCAA bid every single year, and now they are moving to a conference where it takes an absolute incredible season to get a bid (ask Utah State). About the only upside I see here is that when I attend my semi-annual USU game I get a shot at seeing BYU. Although I fail to see how that helps the Cougars. Maybe they feel pretty good about throwing off the shackles on a conference affiliation. Next is throwing off the shackles of an oppressive religion. Baby steps, I suppose.
- Quentin (who I still thinks looks like a retarded Cartman) laces a hit to center. AJ now up with nobody down. And you know what? I have no idea why people boo A.J. when he comes to Minnesota. The guy played his heart out when he was here, has nothing but good things to say about the Twins organization if you listen to him when he's on KFAN, and is just a gamer, which white people seem to love. The alleged Delmon Young play which isn't a controversy although people seem to be trying to make it one? When asked about it AJ said, "He had no other play and it's part of the game" or something similar. You want me to say it? Fine. I love A.J. Pierzinski. And I love him even more now because he hit into a double play.
- We might be heading towards a Capps appearance here. That makes me far more nervous than bringing in an acquired at the trade deadline closer should. Oh and I saw earlier today on Twitter (follow me @downwithgoldy) that the Nationals called up Wilson Ramos after he had a solid few weeks at AAA. Man, if he ends up becoming a star, I won't care at all because the Twins are winning the World Series this year.
- First and third now after Hudson and Mauer hits. Makes Mauer 4-5, with a HR and a double. Pretty good night. He's been about as hot as anybody since the break. Do you realize how good this lineup would be if Morneau hadn't gotten whacked in the head? Or how good it is without him? Snacks made an interested point last time he was drunk and rambling; getting Morneau back basically just takes Thome out of the lineup. Do ou want Thome out of the lineup? I sure as hell don't. Maybe Morneau will clear waivers and they can trade him for Dan Haren.
- Kubel grounds out because he sucks and that's why I traded him. Capps in. Breath being held.
- Text from Snacks: "I feel like Capps blwing saves now will benefit the Twins so Crain is doing it in October." I don't even know what to say here. Poor kid has an obsession with Jesse Crain that borders on the creepy. Also, I'd assume he means "doing it in October" as saving games, but really. Jesse Crain in the 9th in a one run game against the Yankees in the playoffs? I can't imagine anybody likes that idea, not even Crain lover #1.
- It's the Final Countdown. Bu-du dah dah, buh-dah dah dah dah, dah-du dah dah dah, the Final Countdown!
- One out. Easy. Omar Vizquel should retire.
- Jason Repko in right to replace Kubel. Good. Game needs more Repko.
- Double by Beckham. Terribel terrible terrible pitch. Right down the middle. Seriously, if we rate Rauch as say a 7.0, Capps is a 7.1. Ugh.
- Base hit by Pierre. One run game. Ugh.
- Ramirez somehow misses on an absolute meatball and grounds out to third base. Tying run on second, two away. I really really really hope nobody was expecting Joe Nathan when they traded for Capps. If you were you are an idiot and should stop watching baseball. Giving up Ramos for him was just terrible.
- Konerko grounds out to first, Twins win and are now up 5 games. Wrap this one up, it's over. Looking forward to getting swept by the Yankees. Good night everybody.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Six Very Important Things this Morning 7.30.2010
1. I'm unsure about this. Big move down Twins way, moving Wilson Ramos for Matt Capps, a deal that I now Super Twins Blogger Aaron Gleeman hates already, thanks to the miracle of twitter. I don't hate it, but I also don't love it. Kind of like the show Big Bang Theory. I'm not a fan of trading Ramos in a trade that isn't really the kind that will put you over the top, but Capps is better than Rauch, even if it's not a huge upgrade, he was absolutely lights out from 2006-2008, and he has significant closing experience. Maybe it's the last little bit of the nerd in me holding on to something old school but I believe there is value in having closing experience. The downside, of course, is that they traded their top prospect (top 3 at worst) for a rental, because Capps is a free agent after this year, and it makes me a bit queasy to trade a top young guy for a reliever. I need more time to really digest this, but I think I kind of like it but don't love it. Of course, I'm also a huge lover of trades because they're fun, so that bumps it up a notch.
2. A few other trades went down yesterday. The most high profile was Roy Oswalt to the Phillies for J.A. Happ and a couple of mediocre prospects, a steal for the Phillies since the Astros are paying $11 million of his salary next year and they didn't have to guarantee his 2012 option. This now gives Philly a 3-man playoff rotation of Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, and Oswalt, and I think we have a Miami Heat situation brewing in the NL. Other trades include the shell of Miguel Tejada to the Padres for a middling minor leaguer, Jorge Cantu to the Rangers for a couple of promising pitchers even though Texas is broke, and an odd swap of minor leaguers between the Astros and Blue Jays involving one of the prospects the Astros had received just hours earlier in the Oswalt trade and a guy the Jays got in the Halladay trade last year. So basically the market for starters is crap, but the Twins overpaid for Capps. Awesome.
3. Sticking with baseball, we need a moment of silence. Stephen Strasburg is dead. Well shut down and on the DL, retroactive to his last start so he'll be back in about 10 days. But still. Apparently he's basically just got a sore shoulder with a little inflammation and it's not really a big deal, but because the Nats are going nowhere and Strasburg is basically Sidd Finch with a golden arm, there's no reason to put him at even a minuscule risk of further injury. Now if only they could find a team to give up a top prospect at a tough position to fill, like catcher, for a pretty decent but overvalued reliever. Oh, and you can also read how Jim Bunning is batshit insane if you follow that link.
4. R. A. Dickey is really starting to piss me off. He continues to somehow pitch well, so well in fact that the article title after his start tonight was "Dickey Dominates." After taking a 3-hitter into the ninth before running into some trouble and getting yanked, Dickey is now 7-4, but more importantly is sporting a 2.32 ERA and a 1.16 WHIP; ace-like numbers. That ERA is less than half his career number, his WHIP is almost a half base-runner per inning better this year, and for a guy who has only been a part-time starter in his career he's been able to go at least 6 innings in 12 of his 14 starts this year. And, in case you're wondering, his BABIP is right where it should be, so there's no reason to expect him to suddenly start to suck. Seriously, this is so far beyond a career-year that we need a new word for it. This is his Brady Anderson year.
5. The Jeremy Tyler saga continues. You might remember Tyler as one of the top incoming recruits for the class of 2010, who had signed on with Louisville and Rick Pitino. Then he decided the best move for him would be to leave high school after his junior year and play professionally in Israel until he became eligible for the NBA. He then quit after just 10 games (averaging 2.1 points and 1.9 rebounds per game in 7.6 minutes) after a series of issues including leaving a game at half time in protest that he wasn't getting enough minutes. He's now hooked up with a team in a Japanese League, and will presumably play over there next year unless he quits again. He will be eligible for the NBA Draft next season, so we'll find out if it was worth it. Pretty much a toss up right now between living in a land where you don't know the culture or the language, not getting along with teammates, and high levels of frustration versus being a star and banging a different coed every night. Tough call.
6. Northwestern's NCAA cherry takes a hit. This happened a few days ago but I haven't commented on it and I think it's big enough that I should make sure to mention, but Kevin Coble has decided to hang 'em up and has left the Wildcat basketball team. It's unfortunate for Northwestern, because between him and John Shurna they would have had two big weapons who could score from inside or outside, and with Michael Thompson and Drew Crawford back and highly rated freshman Jershon Cobb joining the team, they were looking very good for their first ever NCAA bid. They will still be good enough to make a run, but it will be tough without Coble, who led the team in scoring and rebounding all three years of his career, but was sidelined by a foot injury last year, and left the team to focus on his academics and get his degree. Just goes to show you can't trust a nerd.
I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on the Capps trade. Stay tuned.
2. A few other trades went down yesterday. The most high profile was Roy Oswalt to the Phillies for J.A. Happ and a couple of mediocre prospects, a steal for the Phillies since the Astros are paying $11 million of his salary next year and they didn't have to guarantee his 2012 option. This now gives Philly a 3-man playoff rotation of Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, and Oswalt, and I think we have a Miami Heat situation brewing in the NL. Other trades include the shell of Miguel Tejada to the Padres for a middling minor leaguer, Jorge Cantu to the Rangers for a couple of promising pitchers even though Texas is broke, and an odd swap of minor leaguers between the Astros and Blue Jays involving one of the prospects the Astros had received just hours earlier in the Oswalt trade and a guy the Jays got in the Halladay trade last year. So basically the market for starters is crap, but the Twins overpaid for Capps. Awesome.
3. Sticking with baseball, we need a moment of silence. Stephen Strasburg is dead. Well shut down and on the DL, retroactive to his last start so he'll be back in about 10 days. But still. Apparently he's basically just got a sore shoulder with a little inflammation and it's not really a big deal, but because the Nats are going nowhere and Strasburg is basically Sidd Finch with a golden arm, there's no reason to put him at even a minuscule risk of further injury. Now if only they could find a team to give up a top prospect at a tough position to fill, like catcher, for a pretty decent but overvalued reliever. Oh, and you can also read how Jim Bunning is batshit insane if you follow that link.
4. R. A. Dickey is really starting to piss me off. He continues to somehow pitch well, so well in fact that the article title after his start tonight was "Dickey Dominates." After taking a 3-hitter into the ninth before running into some trouble and getting yanked, Dickey is now 7-4, but more importantly is sporting a 2.32 ERA and a 1.16 WHIP; ace-like numbers. That ERA is less than half his career number, his WHIP is almost a half base-runner per inning better this year, and for a guy who has only been a part-time starter in his career he's been able to go at least 6 innings in 12 of his 14 starts this year. And, in case you're wondering, his BABIP is right where it should be, so there's no reason to expect him to suddenly start to suck. Seriously, this is so far beyond a career-year that we need a new word for it. This is his Brady Anderson year.
5. The Jeremy Tyler saga continues. You might remember Tyler as one of the top incoming recruits for the class of 2010, who had signed on with Louisville and Rick Pitino. Then he decided the best move for him would be to leave high school after his junior year and play professionally in Israel until he became eligible for the NBA. He then quit after just 10 games (averaging 2.1 points and 1.9 rebounds per game in 7.6 minutes) after a series of issues including leaving a game at half time in protest that he wasn't getting enough minutes. He's now hooked up with a team in a Japanese League, and will presumably play over there next year unless he quits again. He will be eligible for the NBA Draft next season, so we'll find out if it was worth it. Pretty much a toss up right now between living in a land where you don't know the culture or the language, not getting along with teammates, and high levels of frustration versus being a star and banging a different coed every night. Tough call.
6. Northwestern's NCAA cherry takes a hit. This happened a few days ago but I haven't commented on it and I think it's big enough that I should make sure to mention, but Kevin Coble has decided to hang 'em up and has left the Wildcat basketball team. It's unfortunate for Northwestern, because between him and John Shurna they would have had two big weapons who could score from inside or outside, and with Michael Thompson and Drew Crawford back and highly rated freshman Jershon Cobb joining the team, they were looking very good for their first ever NCAA bid. They will still be good enough to make a run, but it will be tough without Coble, who led the team in scoring and rebounding all three years of his career, but was sidelined by a foot injury last year, and left the team to focus on his academics and get his degree. Just goes to show you can't trust a nerd.
I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on the Capps trade. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The First Ever DWG Mailbag
Big sports day today. The world's longest Tennis match and a big win for the U.S.A. soccer team to win their pool at the World Cup. But since I am equal parts don't know enough about it (not that that's stopped me before) and don't really care, I'm going to take a pass on writing about either of those things.
Instead, we're going to go with the first ever DWG Mailbag. Thanks for writing, those of you who did.
Q. Which incoming Gopher basketball freshman are you most excited about? And what's a reasonable expectation for the upcoming season? I was unbelievably excited about last year until the debacle, but I'm actually getting pretty excited for this year as well. I think we have the chance to be better than people give us credit for.
- James M.
A. None of the above? Really, this is an incredibly underwhelming class. You have a throw-in point guard with a cool name, a skinny white foreigner who might not even be eligible, a skinny shooter with a high basketball IQ who might have to redshirt, and a string bean prairie white boy center with chicken legs who might have to redshirt to go along with Mo Walker. Since Walker is the only top-100 type, and maybe the only top-200 type, I'd go with him. If you want a less obvious answer, I'll say Austin Hollins (the skinny shooter with a high IQ referenced above). Shooting and a high IQ are good traits for a sleeper recruit to have, and a skinny kid can always grow into his body (Tayshaun Prince excepted).
As far as next year goes, if Mbakwe plays and guys like Rodney, Devoe, and Ralph continue to develop I could see a Sweet 16 run, but more likely they'll end up with a lower-upper division finish in conference and around a 6-7 seed. If Trevor doesn't end up playing and everybody stagnates, you're probably looking at an NIT bid.
Q. What do you see as the pros/cons of the Twins going out and acquiring Cliff Lee? & are you as baffled/outraged as I am that the Twins allegedly have interest in guys who have been designated for assignment by crappy teams like Pittsburgh and (not as crappy) Toronto (Encarnacion from Tor & some other reliever guy for Pittsburgh)?
- Andrew W.
A. The pros of acquiring Lee are that you have an established, proven, shut-down pitcher who always gives you a chance to win and is capable of essentially winning a game all by himself. Not to mention an outstanding 1-2 punch at the front of the rotation, which can be all you need in the playoffs.
The cons would depend on what you gave up. I highly doubt they'd be able to or even interested in signing Lee, so you're essentially paying for his services for a few months. Additionally, every contender is going to be after him, so that price might get driven up pretty high. The real worry is if they make the trade, don't advance beyond the first round, and then one or more of the traded pieces develop into a star.
Even so, I'm still advocating a Slowey/Ramos/third prospect offer. Slowey is the kind of pitcher the Twins' minor-leagues are riddled with, so there should be no real issue with trading him. He throws strikes and has below average stuff. They have 10 more of these guys ready at AAA. Ramos is obviously the center piece of the deal, and I'm not saying they should be jumping at the chance to get rid of him, but it's obvious catcher here is taken care of for a while, and they need to use this chip before the shine wears off. Even if Ramos turns into an all-star, if Lee gets the Twins to the World Series it's worth it.
Also I am pretty sure there is no way they will have the balls to make this trade. They will be too afraid to "mortgage their future" and instead will continue with the routine of making the playoffs and getting bounced by the Yankees. Lame.
And I don't know anything about the Pirate reliever, but as far as 3B goes I'm just fine with the Twins exploring any and all possibilities to fill that hole, even if it means looking at the Blue Jays' castoffs or 93-year old Mike Lowell.
A. Faithful watcher of Lost since episode 1 here. The show kind of lost it's way, but it veered pretty hard from what I thought I was getting myself into in the first place. I was expecting a "stranded on an island with monsters and shit" and instead got something essentially out of the Twilight Zone. Not that I'm complaining.
One of the best TV moments I can remember watching ever (EVER) was the first flash-forward episode in the season finale of I think season 4. An absolute, knock-you-on-your-ass-holy-shit-no-way moment if ever there was one. Or the opening to season 3, where The Others are sitting around, living a normal life and you think it's a flashback. Nope, it's in real time, and the plane just crashed. Awesome, awesome tv. Right up until they started in on the Time Travel, this was the best show I've ever seen.
It was still good, just not great, and I was looking forward to the finale and have mixed feelings about it. The island stuff was solid, giving you a nice wrap-up to the whole thing, and although they didn't answer all the questions, they answered enough for me. The sideways world thing I think they could have done without, and if the final season focused on the island, and solely the island, I think it would have been stronger. That being said, I also understand the need to finish with a big emotional payoff, giving you a happy ending for the characters you watched for the last 6 six years, and it did that.
Overall, I was luke-warm on the finale at first, but I've warmed up to it. I would still strongly recommend the series to anybody who hasn't seen it, just know that after being blown away for four seasons, you just kind of coast to the end.
Q. Which is your favorite shark movies of ALL the shark movies?
- Kaylyn K.
A. They rank like this:
Tier 1: Jaws (not just a tier 1 shark movie, a tier 1 movie of all-time, and one which desperately needs to be released on Blu-ray)
Tier 2: Jaws 2
Tier 3: Jaws 3, Spring Break Shark Attack
Tier 4: Almost everything I've blogged on here
Tier 1000000: Shark Hunter, Deep Blue Sea
Tier 1000001: Jaws 4
Out of the crap in tier 4, it's tough to pick a favorite. Malibu Shark Attack will always have a soft spot in my heart for the worst science out of all of these (not counting Jaws 4). Raging Sharks had Vanessa Angel, which is good, but also had some sort of alien crystals which caused sharks to attack humans, which was very, very bad. And who could forget one of the Baldwins in Sharks in Venice?
But the best for pure campiness would have to be Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. Just go ahead and click on that link, and if you don't want to read the whole thing just watch the Youtube clip at the end. Totally awesome.
And by the way, I really want to see Red Water again, a movie about a bull shark in a freshwater river starring Kristy Swanson and Mr. Belding (and Coolio). I watched it when it first came out in 2003 and haven't seen it since, and it never seems to be on TV. If you ever see that it's going to be on, please please please let me know.
And that's that. Thanks for the mailings, folks, it was fun. Feel free to go ahead and email at anytime if you have questions you'd like answered. I can't say the amount of mailings was anywhere near enough to make this a regular thing, but still, go ahead and email anytime, and I'll get back to you (on here, probably). Or, if I get enough again, the second ever DWG mailbag.
Two last things:
1. It seems Super Sioux Fan has finally gone ahead and cracked. And I mean all the way this time.
2. It seems Wendy Peffercorn turned into quite the party girl. No idea if Benny or Ham were involved.
It was probably Squints' fault, anyway.
Instead, we're going to go with the first ever DWG Mailbag. Thanks for writing, those of you who did.
Q. Which incoming Gopher basketball freshman are you most excited about? And what's a reasonable expectation for the upcoming season? I was unbelievably excited about last year until the debacle, but I'm actually getting pretty excited for this year as well. I think we have the chance to be better than people give us credit for.
- James M.
A. None of the above? Really, this is an incredibly underwhelming class. You have a throw-in point guard with a cool name, a skinny white foreigner who might not even be eligible, a skinny shooter with a high basketball IQ who might have to redshirt, and a string bean prairie white boy center with chicken legs who might have to redshirt to go along with Mo Walker. Since Walker is the only top-100 type, and maybe the only top-200 type, I'd go with him. If you want a less obvious answer, I'll say Austin Hollins (the skinny shooter with a high IQ referenced above). Shooting and a high IQ are good traits for a sleeper recruit to have, and a skinny kid can always grow into his body (Tayshaun Prince excepted).
As far as next year goes, if Mbakwe plays and guys like Rodney, Devoe, and Ralph continue to develop I could see a Sweet 16 run, but more likely they'll end up with a lower-upper division finish in conference and around a 6-7 seed. If Trevor doesn't end up playing and everybody stagnates, you're probably looking at an NIT bid.
Q. What do you see as the pros/cons of the Twins going out and acquiring Cliff Lee? & are you as baffled/outraged as I am that the Twins allegedly have interest in guys who have been designated for assignment by crappy teams like Pittsburgh and (not as crappy) Toronto (Encarnacion from Tor & some other reliever guy for Pittsburgh)?
- Andrew W.
A. The pros of acquiring Lee are that you have an established, proven, shut-down pitcher who always gives you a chance to win and is capable of essentially winning a game all by himself. Not to mention an outstanding 1-2 punch at the front of the rotation, which can be all you need in the playoffs.
The cons would depend on what you gave up. I highly doubt they'd be able to or even interested in signing Lee, so you're essentially paying for his services for a few months. Additionally, every contender is going to be after him, so that price might get driven up pretty high. The real worry is if they make the trade, don't advance beyond the first round, and then one or more of the traded pieces develop into a star.
Even so, I'm still advocating a Slowey/Ramos/third prospect offer. Slowey is the kind of pitcher the Twins' minor-leagues are riddled with, so there should be no real issue with trading him. He throws strikes and has below average stuff. They have 10 more of these guys ready at AAA. Ramos is obviously the center piece of the deal, and I'm not saying they should be jumping at the chance to get rid of him, but it's obvious catcher here is taken care of for a while, and they need to use this chip before the shine wears off. Even if Ramos turns into an all-star, if Lee gets the Twins to the World Series it's worth it.
Also I am pretty sure there is no way they will have the balls to make this trade. They will be too afraid to "mortgage their future" and instead will continue with the routine of making the playoffs and getting bounced by the Yankees. Lame.
And I don't know anything about the Pirate reliever, but as far as 3B goes I'm just fine with the Twins exploring any and all possibilities to fill that hole, even if it means looking at the Blue Jays' castoffs or 93-year old Mike Lowell.
Q. I’ve caught hints in a couple of posts that you watched LOST. I’d be curious to know what you thought of the final season/finale and the series as a whole.
- John R.
A. Faithful watcher of Lost since episode 1 here. The show kind of lost it's way, but it veered pretty hard from what I thought I was getting myself into in the first place. I was expecting a "stranded on an island with monsters and shit" and instead got something essentially out of the Twilight Zone. Not that I'm complaining.
One of the best TV moments I can remember watching ever (EVER) was the first flash-forward episode in the season finale of I think season 4. An absolute, knock-you-on-your-ass-holy-shit-no-way moment if ever there was one. Or the opening to season 3, where The Others are sitting around, living a normal life and you think it's a flashback. Nope, it's in real time, and the plane just crashed. Awesome, awesome tv. Right up until they started in on the Time Travel, this was the best show I've ever seen.
It was still good, just not great, and I was looking forward to the finale and have mixed feelings about it. The island stuff was solid, giving you a nice wrap-up to the whole thing, and although they didn't answer all the questions, they answered enough for me. The sideways world thing I think they could have done without, and if the final season focused on the island, and solely the island, I think it would have been stronger. That being said, I also understand the need to finish with a big emotional payoff, giving you a happy ending for the characters you watched for the last 6 six years, and it did that.
Overall, I was luke-warm on the finale at first, but I've warmed up to it. I would still strongly recommend the series to anybody who hasn't seen it, just know that after being blown away for four seasons, you just kind of coast to the end.
Q. Which is your favorite shark movies of ALL the shark movies?
- Kaylyn K.
A. They rank like this:
Tier 1: Jaws (not just a tier 1 shark movie, a tier 1 movie of all-time, and one which desperately needs to be released on Blu-ray)
Tier 2: Jaws 2
Tier 3: Jaws 3, Spring Break Shark Attack
Tier 4: Almost everything I've blogged on here
Tier 1000000: Shark Hunter, Deep Blue Sea
Tier 1000001: Jaws 4
Out of the crap in tier 4, it's tough to pick a favorite. Malibu Shark Attack will always have a soft spot in my heart for the worst science out of all of these (not counting Jaws 4). Raging Sharks had Vanessa Angel, which is good, but also had some sort of alien crystals which caused sharks to attack humans, which was very, very bad. And who could forget one of the Baldwins in Sharks in Venice?
But the best for pure campiness would have to be Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. Just go ahead and click on that link, and if you don't want to read the whole thing just watch the Youtube clip at the end. Totally awesome.
And by the way, I really want to see Red Water again, a movie about a bull shark in a freshwater river starring Kristy Swanson and Mr. Belding (and Coolio). I watched it when it first came out in 2003 and haven't seen it since, and it never seems to be on TV. If you ever see that it's going to be on, please please please let me know.
And that's that. Thanks for the mailings, folks, it was fun. Feel free to go ahead and email at anytime if you have questions you'd like answered. I can't say the amount of mailings was anywhere near enough to make this a regular thing, but still, go ahead and email anytime, and I'll get back to you (on here, probably). Or, if I get enough again, the second ever DWG mailbag.
Two last things:
1. It seems Super Sioux Fan has finally gone ahead and cracked. And I mean all the way this time.
2. It seems Wendy Peffercorn turned into quite the party girl. No idea if Benny or Ham were involved.
It was probably Squints' fault, anyway.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I Think We're Alone Now (Live Movie Blog)
Alright, it's time. I know I haven't done a live movie blog in a while, and I figure it's time to break it out again. I'm sitting here with some Red Stripe and looking for something to watch and it's time to break out the big gun. Yep, we're going with "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus." I've been sitting on this since I Tivo'd it in January because the title is just too perfect and I'm afraid I'm going to be let down. Then again, with a title like that it might also be the type of flick that doesn't take itself seriously, and that would suck too. I don't want to rip on self-aware crap movies, I want ones that actually think they're good. Let's find out what we have here together.
- Looks like we're getting started in the great frozen north which is where I'm guessing someone is going to thaw out a giant prehistoric shark. But more importantly, the opening credits inform me that our leads are Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. Yes, that Debbie Gibson. Also yes, that Lorenzo Lamas, but you probably knew that part.
- They just showed a giant sheath of ice sliding off a glacial wall, which basically guarantees that they are going to end up blaming global warming in some way for this. Great. Nothing like getting a political statement from a crappy B movie, especially considering the science they usually use in these is less accurate than your average Delmon Young throw to the plate.
- On on mother effing cue, they show us a school of Hammerheads allegedly swimming around in Alaskan waters. God damn it, people. Hammerheads are tropical. I'm almost positive they only shark you'd find in Alaskan waters is the Greenland Shark. Why not just show some Greenland sharks? Lazy stupid morons. At least attempt to get it right. I know I'm a nerd, but even a minimum amount of research would tell you that you would never, ever, ever find a hammerhead anywhere near Alaska. It just makes me so mad.
- We're two minutes in. Two minutes. And now they show us reef sharks and manta rays. In Alaska. Frozen Alaskan waters. Reef sharks, manta rays, and hammerheads. How about you just toss in a tropical coral reef or the Loch Ness monster. At this point you've already destroyed your credibility. This is almost as bad as that goblin shark movie.
- Huh, Debbie Gibson is actually a halfway decent actress. She doesn't have much to work with here already. For example, some army guy dropped some kind of sonar bomb into the alaskan ocean and it's forcing this bunch of whales to start ramming glaciers. Uh oh and oh noes they rammed so much ice so effectively that they freed both a mega-shark and a giant octopus who were frozen in their endless struggle through eternity. I am going to go ahead and assume these are the titular creatures. Heh, titular.
- Oooh, and right away the giant octopus attacks an oil drilling platform and crushes it to death. That is a really, really big octopus. Also to the best of my knowledge no giant octopus like that ever existed. I can't confirm for sure since I'm just a shark nerd and not an octopus nerd, but based on this movie's complete disregard for factual scientific science I'm going to assume they made that all up.
- They just found a dead whale basically bitten in half and the guy who is going to turn out to be the stuffy professor who never believes there's a giant shark says it was killed by a boat propeller. Based on the size of half of the whale, the boat would have had to the size of Rhode Island to have propellers that big. Also, the whole "it wasn't a shark it was a boating accident" thing was already done by Jaws, and every other shark-related movie since. At least be original in your crappiness.
- Debbie Gibson just jedi mind-tricked some security guard so she could get into some random giant tent and examine the dead whale body. Damn what the rules say! She's a rebel. She's also singing to the whale "I Think We're Alone Now."
- Some asian with glasses is yelling at some other asian with a goatee.
- Oh for the love of god. The giant shark just lept out of the ocean to grab and eat a plane. I don't even know where to start with this. First, the plane had just broken cloud cover which means the shark jumped a minimum of 5,000 feet in the air. Second, the shark was at least 5 times longer than the plane, despite the fact that the biggest estimate for a Megalodon would put it at about a quarter of the length of a 747. Finally, why the hell would a just de-frozen shark jump up in the air and grab a plane when it has had no learnings that plane = food. Plus, a shark that size wouldn't be interested in people because sharks need to eat high amounts of fat from like whales and seals and stuff, and I am pretty sure metal isn't high in fat content.
- I take it back. Debbie Gibson is not a good actress. She should stick to posing in playboy. Google is your friend.
- Now the asian guy with glasses is meeting with Debbie and her mentor science guy who is being played by a guy who reminds me of the guy from Cocktail and has the same accent. Remember in that movie when Elisabeth Shue took her top off? She was awesome.
- So Asian guy thinks the thing killing stuff is an Octopus, while Debbie and Cocktail guy think it's a shark. OMG THEY'RE BOTH RIGHT! TWO PRESHISTORIC CREATURES UNLEASHED UPON THE WORLD SIMULTANEOUSLY!!
- I was going to write about something else that just happened but then, just now as predicted, Debbie gives us this "The Polar Ice Caps are melting so rapidly, maybe this is our comeuppance." THANK YOU MOVIE! I WILL NOW REPENT MY LIFE AND BUY AN ELECTRIC SCOOTER AND COOK MEALS OVER AN OPEN FLAME! YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE!
- This is a really god-damned stupid movie.
- The shark just killed a navy battle ship, but they couldn't be bothered to show anything to us because they're stupid and cheap. Instead it would show the shark swimming, kind of, in some of the worst CGI I've ever seen (comparable to Etch-A-Sketch) and then cut to some army guys in a room that was shaking. Do that three times, then cut to head army guy yelling "noooooooooooooo" and then fade to black. Thanks a lot. That was super entertaining. I hope Aquaman shows up and kills everybody dead.
- Asian guy with glasses just now compared the two creatures to Hurricane Katrina. I can't decide if that's offensive, and since I'm not affiliated with and really wasn't affected by the hurricane, I'm just going to chalk it up as being unfunny instead. Which once again proves that asians aren't funny.
- Shocking. Military guy wants to destroy the creatures, while the Sciencey people want to study them. Just like every animal destruction movie ever. And did I really say Debbie Gibson was a good actor, earlier? I need to be gut-punched.
- Do you think Wilson Ramos is more like the next Johnny Bench or the next Mickey Cochrane? Nevermind, I'm being silly. He's the next Matt Wieters. Who, by the way, has 3x the home runs of your precious Joe Mauer. Since HRs are the only really viable way to evaluate a hitter, I'd say it's clear Wieters is tops. Other than Ramos.
- Asian guy is now telling some sob story about how he has always wanted to be a marine biologist ever since he saw a dolphin get killed in a net when he was a kid but his family all wanted him to follow in his footsteps. I didn't catch what it was they wanted him to be, but I'm going to assume ping-pong player. And now he's humping Debbie Gibson. Clearly she's pretty easy if that story worked. Eww Debbie.
- Since we're talking about studs, guess how many AL third-basemen have a better batting average than Evan Longoria? Zero. Guess how many have a better OBP. Zero. Guess how many have a better SLG. Zero. Plus, he'll steal your girlfriend. Such a pimp.
- Some fighter guy like Maverick or Goose just got slapped out of the air by an octopus tentacle, which means I guess nobody learned anything from the plane that got eaten by the shark earlier. Also, since I'm sure you want to know how awesome it looked, it was a screen of a plane, then a shot of a tentacle, then the guy inside the plane with red flights flashing and him yelling. Then they cut to the people in the big ship running this whole operation and they were all sad. This movie rocks.
- Nice pony-tail, Lamas.
- I still don't get the switch from Sci Fi Channel to SyFy Channel. I mean, you're basically going to get two reactions - either irritation or indifference, so what's the point? Not really seeing an upside here. This is the worst marketing decision since they eliminated Crystal Pepsi.
- For a movie about a giant shark and a giant octopus (which doesn't and never has existed) there has been a stunning lack of footage of said monsters. And not the good kind of tension building keeping the monster hidden like in Jaws, the bad kind. Like that one time I accidentally watched a male model show - The girls never came! The girls never came!
- They're doing something with pheremones to attract the monsters or something, but for some reason these pheremones are a glowing fluorescent green, like the ooze from TMNT. Oh my god! Maybe it is the ooze, and when the octo and shark meet up and fight they'll break the container and the ooze will spill everywhere and create a giant Shark/Octopus hybrid! That would be the greatest thing ever! Please let this happen. Or at least turn Lamas into some human/shark creature. He'd probably be more articulate.
- I've never watched a movie that utilized shaky camerawork more often. It's worse than the Blair Witch Project. More like if the Blair Witch Project was filmed by Michael J Fox. Or any movie, really.
- Sweet jesus. The shark somehow disappeared from the radar of the navy battleship which is currently attempting to shoot it with torpedos. We've already established this thing is at least 200 feet long. Nice radar. Must be american-made. Oh, there is is. It ate the ship, and then it ate the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm assuming we're not in Alaska anymore, but with the fact-finding and accuracy we've seen in this movie who the hell knows. I'm guessing it'll go after Big Ben next. Not Roethlisberger. He'd probably hump it while it tried to get away.
- The new plan is to drop nukes into San Francisco Bay (the shark) and somewhere in Tokyo that I don't remember (the octopus) in order to "avoid a global catastrophe." I don't even know where to begin.
- Awesome. Now they are going to try to get them to fight and kill each other instead, because "Sharks and Octopi are natural enemies." Good lord. This seriously puts every other one of these movies to shame, even that one with the Baldwin brother. Don't worry, I'll be back with another one after this. I have something called "Mega Piranha" waiting for me. Hard to get a better title than that.
- I'm really sick of fantasy baseball. Our pitchers just keep getting Greinke'd. First off, we have Greinke, who has a 2.27 ERA and zero wins. Then tonight, Cole Hamels goes 8 innings, gives up 1 run, no win. Last night Mike Leake pitched a gem and got nothing. It's not fair. We have the best team by far (Wieters AND Longoria) by are just 2-2 because of cheaters and cheating and bad luck. We should be 5-0, even though it's only been four weeks. Yep, we're that good.
- By the way, I really wanted to like V, but I just couldn't get into it. I feel like I'm insulting my childhood. Then again, a certain recent remake of a certain awesome classic kind of destroyed it already. Unfortunately, I can't elaborate.
- I see Wilson Ramos is 0-3 with a K right now tonight. I know a little bit of regression to the mean is inevitable, but if he doesn't end up hitting at least .500 this year, I think you have to consider his season a failure.
- I'm thinking Gardy should have stuck with his unbreakable routine and brought in Rauch to finish the game. Oops. (I'm getting back to the movie, I swear).
- $20 says this movie ends with another message about the evils of global warming.
- Debbie and Asian guy just had a really touching conversation via video computer phone. He's apparently in Asian now which I guess makes sense, but they're in love or something which doesn't. And their romantic talk involved some quote from my guy Julius Caesar, but it was a pretty gay one. The whole thing was awful. Kind of gave me a hankerin' for watching Anakin and Padme.
- Mmmmmmmmmmmm.....Padme. Remember in the second movie how the somehow manages to rip her shirt just perfectly to get some nice mid-riff action? I couldn't decide if that was awesome or stupid, and I still can't decide. I know I didn't complain though.
- I quite literally have no idea what is going on anymore, but Debbie Gibson just punched some dude out (unfortunately not Lamas. or the Asian guy) and then somebody said "Ice Wall! Right Ahead!" which I think was supposed to be an homage to Titanic. This is pretty surreal. But not in a good way in the least.
- So the Shark and Octopus are fighting, just like in Debbie's master plan (as natural enemies are wont to do), and they're actually showing the fight. Sort of. They're also using the shaking camera manuever, and when they do show them it looks like something I could create in the bathtub using Wonderbaby's toys pretty easily. And she doesn't even have an octopus.
- How do they keep losing the creatures on their radar? This is about the fourth or fifth time. Way to keep going back to the same plot device over and over again. And, speaking of, we now have more shaking cameras. I really can't stress enough how prevalent this has been. This movie is as predictable as a Jesse Crain outing. As shaky, too.
- The octopus from Super Mario just squeezed the asian guy in half, but $50 says he shows up again because he and Debbie are in love and we need a happy ending to get us all through the day and our pathetic lives. Also I'm betting we aren't getting any TMNT ooze ending, which is a total bummer.
- I think they're looping the footage from the octo/shark fight.
- And the two creatures actually managed to kill each other, which is obviously super realistic. And there's asian guy to give us a little more Anakin-level banter in case you needed a little more. Just fantastic. I've seen a lot of crappy movies, but this is the worst. Other than Jumper.
- And we're set up for a sequel, because some old guy just gave our heros a file and said "here's something else" or some similar line. They better not be in Piranha. I can't take it again.
- Well there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this, because I sure as hell didn't, and I'm once again questioning why I keep doing this to myself. It must be for you, because I love you. Seriously, though, if I have to choose between a Giant Shark and a Giant Octopus, I'm going with crab juice.
- And just so this night isn't a total loss, here is a picture Snake snapped of a guy who was sitting near us at the Twins game we went to on Monday. I'm not even going to go with any commentary, I think it speaks for itself.
- Looks like we're getting started in the great frozen north which is where I'm guessing someone is going to thaw out a giant prehistoric shark. But more importantly, the opening credits inform me that our leads are Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. Yes, that Debbie Gibson. Also yes, that Lorenzo Lamas, but you probably knew that part.
- They just showed a giant sheath of ice sliding off a glacial wall, which basically guarantees that they are going to end up blaming global warming in some way for this. Great. Nothing like getting a political statement from a crappy B movie, especially considering the science they usually use in these is less accurate than your average Delmon Young throw to the plate.
- On on mother effing cue, they show us a school of Hammerheads allegedly swimming around in Alaskan waters. God damn it, people. Hammerheads are tropical. I'm almost positive they only shark you'd find in Alaskan waters is the Greenland Shark. Why not just show some Greenland sharks? Lazy stupid morons. At least attempt to get it right. I know I'm a nerd, but even a minimum amount of research would tell you that you would never, ever, ever find a hammerhead anywhere near Alaska. It just makes me so mad.
- We're two minutes in. Two minutes. And now they show us reef sharks and manta rays. In Alaska. Frozen Alaskan waters. Reef sharks, manta rays, and hammerheads. How about you just toss in a tropical coral reef or the Loch Ness monster. At this point you've already destroyed your credibility. This is almost as bad as that goblin shark movie.
- Huh, Debbie Gibson is actually a halfway decent actress. She doesn't have much to work with here already. For example, some army guy dropped some kind of sonar bomb into the alaskan ocean and it's forcing this bunch of whales to start ramming glaciers. Uh oh and oh noes they rammed so much ice so effectively that they freed both a mega-shark and a giant octopus who were frozen in their endless struggle through eternity. I am going to go ahead and assume these are the titular creatures. Heh, titular.
- Oooh, and right away the giant octopus attacks an oil drilling platform and crushes it to death. That is a really, really big octopus. Also to the best of my knowledge no giant octopus like that ever existed. I can't confirm for sure since I'm just a shark nerd and not an octopus nerd, but based on this movie's complete disregard for factual scientific science I'm going to assume they made that all up.
- They just found a dead whale basically bitten in half and the guy who is going to turn out to be the stuffy professor who never believes there's a giant shark says it was killed by a boat propeller. Based on the size of half of the whale, the boat would have had to the size of Rhode Island to have propellers that big. Also, the whole "it wasn't a shark it was a boating accident" thing was already done by Jaws, and every other shark-related movie since. At least be original in your crappiness.
- Debbie Gibson just jedi mind-tricked some security guard so she could get into some random giant tent and examine the dead whale body. Damn what the rules say! She's a rebel. She's also singing to the whale "I Think We're Alone Now."
- Some asian with glasses is yelling at some other asian with a goatee.
- Oh for the love of god. The giant shark just lept out of the ocean to grab and eat a plane. I don't even know where to start with this. First, the plane had just broken cloud cover which means the shark jumped a minimum of 5,000 feet in the air. Second, the shark was at least 5 times longer than the plane, despite the fact that the biggest estimate for a Megalodon would put it at about a quarter of the length of a 747. Finally, why the hell would a just de-frozen shark jump up in the air and grab a plane when it has had no learnings that plane = food. Plus, a shark that size wouldn't be interested in people because sharks need to eat high amounts of fat from like whales and seals and stuff, and I am pretty sure metal isn't high in fat content.
- I take it back. Debbie Gibson is not a good actress. She should stick to posing in playboy. Google is your friend.
- Now the asian guy with glasses is meeting with Debbie and her mentor science guy who is being played by a guy who reminds me of the guy from Cocktail and has the same accent. Remember in that movie when Elisabeth Shue took her top off? She was awesome.
- So Asian guy thinks the thing killing stuff is an Octopus, while Debbie and Cocktail guy think it's a shark. OMG THEY'RE BOTH RIGHT! TWO PRESHISTORIC CREATURES UNLEASHED UPON THE WORLD SIMULTANEOUSLY!!
- I was going to write about something else that just happened but then, just now as predicted, Debbie gives us this "The Polar Ice Caps are melting so rapidly, maybe this is our comeuppance." THANK YOU MOVIE! I WILL NOW REPENT MY LIFE AND BUY AN ELECTRIC SCOOTER AND COOK MEALS OVER AN OPEN FLAME! YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE!
- This is a really god-damned stupid movie.
- The shark just killed a navy battle ship, but they couldn't be bothered to show anything to us because they're stupid and cheap. Instead it would show the shark swimming, kind of, in some of the worst CGI I've ever seen (comparable to Etch-A-Sketch) and then cut to some army guys in a room that was shaking. Do that three times, then cut to head army guy yelling "noooooooooooooo" and then fade to black. Thanks a lot. That was super entertaining. I hope Aquaman shows up and kills everybody dead.
- Asian guy with glasses just now compared the two creatures to Hurricane Katrina. I can't decide if that's offensive, and since I'm not affiliated with and really wasn't affected by the hurricane, I'm just going to chalk it up as being unfunny instead. Which once again proves that asians aren't funny.
- Shocking. Military guy wants to destroy the creatures, while the Sciencey people want to study them. Just like every animal destruction movie ever. And did I really say Debbie Gibson was a good actor, earlier? I need to be gut-punched.
- Do you think Wilson Ramos is more like the next Johnny Bench or the next Mickey Cochrane? Nevermind, I'm being silly. He's the next Matt Wieters. Who, by the way, has 3x the home runs of your precious Joe Mauer. Since HRs are the only really viable way to evaluate a hitter, I'd say it's clear Wieters is tops. Other than Ramos.
- Asian guy is now telling some sob story about how he has always wanted to be a marine biologist ever since he saw a dolphin get killed in a net when he was a kid but his family all wanted him to follow in his footsteps. I didn't catch what it was they wanted him to be, but I'm going to assume ping-pong player. And now he's humping Debbie Gibson. Clearly she's pretty easy if that story worked. Eww Debbie.
- Since we're talking about studs, guess how many AL third-basemen have a better batting average than Evan Longoria? Zero. Guess how many have a better OBP. Zero. Guess how many have a better SLG. Zero. Plus, he'll steal your girlfriend. Such a pimp.
- Some fighter guy like Maverick or Goose just got slapped out of the air by an octopus tentacle, which means I guess nobody learned anything from the plane that got eaten by the shark earlier. Also, since I'm sure you want to know how awesome it looked, it was a screen of a plane, then a shot of a tentacle, then the guy inside the plane with red flights flashing and him yelling. Then they cut to the people in the big ship running this whole operation and they were all sad. This movie rocks.
- Nice pony-tail, Lamas.
- I still don't get the switch from Sci Fi Channel to SyFy Channel. I mean, you're basically going to get two reactions - either irritation or indifference, so what's the point? Not really seeing an upside here. This is the worst marketing decision since they eliminated Crystal Pepsi.
- For a movie about a giant shark and a giant octopus (which doesn't and never has existed) there has been a stunning lack of footage of said monsters. And not the good kind of tension building keeping the monster hidden like in Jaws, the bad kind. Like that one time I accidentally watched a male model show - The girls never came! The girls never came!
- They're doing something with pheremones to attract the monsters or something, but for some reason these pheremones are a glowing fluorescent green, like the ooze from TMNT. Oh my god! Maybe it is the ooze, and when the octo and shark meet up and fight they'll break the container and the ooze will spill everywhere and create a giant Shark/Octopus hybrid! That would be the greatest thing ever! Please let this happen. Or at least turn Lamas into some human/shark creature. He'd probably be more articulate.
- I've never watched a movie that utilized shaky camerawork more often. It's worse than the Blair Witch Project. More like if the Blair Witch Project was filmed by Michael J Fox. Or any movie, really.
- Sweet jesus. The shark somehow disappeared from the radar of the navy battleship which is currently attempting to shoot it with torpedos. We've already established this thing is at least 200 feet long. Nice radar. Must be american-made. Oh, there is is. It ate the ship, and then it ate the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm assuming we're not in Alaska anymore, but with the fact-finding and accuracy we've seen in this movie who the hell knows. I'm guessing it'll go after Big Ben next. Not Roethlisberger. He'd probably hump it while it tried to get away.
- The new plan is to drop nukes into San Francisco Bay (the shark) and somewhere in Tokyo that I don't remember (the octopus) in order to "avoid a global catastrophe." I don't even know where to begin.
- Awesome. Now they are going to try to get them to fight and kill each other instead, because "Sharks and Octopi are natural enemies." Good lord. This seriously puts every other one of these movies to shame, even that one with the Baldwin brother. Don't worry, I'll be back with another one after this. I have something called "Mega Piranha" waiting for me. Hard to get a better title than that.
- I'm really sick of fantasy baseball. Our pitchers just keep getting Greinke'd. First off, we have Greinke, who has a 2.27 ERA and zero wins. Then tonight, Cole Hamels goes 8 innings, gives up 1 run, no win. Last night Mike Leake pitched a gem and got nothing. It's not fair. We have the best team by far (Wieters AND Longoria) by are just 2-2 because of cheaters and cheating and bad luck. We should be 5-0, even though it's only been four weeks. Yep, we're that good.
- By the way, I really wanted to like V, but I just couldn't get into it. I feel like I'm insulting my childhood. Then again, a certain recent remake of a certain awesome classic kind of destroyed it already. Unfortunately, I can't elaborate.
- I see Wilson Ramos is 0-3 with a K right now tonight. I know a little bit of regression to the mean is inevitable, but if he doesn't end up hitting at least .500 this year, I think you have to consider his season a failure.
- I'm thinking Gardy should have stuck with his unbreakable routine and brought in Rauch to finish the game. Oops. (I'm getting back to the movie, I swear).
- $20 says this movie ends with another message about the evils of global warming.
- Debbie and Asian guy just had a really touching conversation via video computer phone. He's apparently in Asian now which I guess makes sense, but they're in love or something which doesn't. And their romantic talk involved some quote from my guy Julius Caesar, but it was a pretty gay one. The whole thing was awful. Kind of gave me a hankerin' for watching Anakin and Padme.
- Mmmmmmmmmmmm.....Padme. Remember in the second movie how the somehow manages to rip her shirt just perfectly to get some nice mid-riff action? I couldn't decide if that was awesome or stupid, and I still can't decide. I know I didn't complain though.
- Ok, so if you're going to make a movie with two giant sea creatures, and advertise in your title that you have two giant sea creatures, do me a favor and have some kind of a special effects budget so most of the time you can show the creature instead of just shake a camera and when you do show it it doesn't look like it's out of Super Mario Brothers. Seriously, the octopus looks just like this:
- I quite literally have no idea what is going on anymore, but Debbie Gibson just punched some dude out (unfortunately not Lamas. or the Asian guy) and then somebody said "Ice Wall! Right Ahead!" which I think was supposed to be an homage to Titanic. This is pretty surreal. But not in a good way in the least.
- So the Shark and Octopus are fighting, just like in Debbie's master plan (as natural enemies are wont to do), and they're actually showing the fight. Sort of. They're also using the shaking camera manuever, and when they do show them it looks like something I could create in the bathtub using Wonderbaby's toys pretty easily. And she doesn't even have an octopus.
- How do they keep losing the creatures on their radar? This is about the fourth or fifth time. Way to keep going back to the same plot device over and over again. And, speaking of, we now have more shaking cameras. I really can't stress enough how prevalent this has been. This movie is as predictable as a Jesse Crain outing. As shaky, too.
- The octopus from Super Mario just squeezed the asian guy in half, but $50 says he shows up again because he and Debbie are in love and we need a happy ending to get us all through the day and our pathetic lives. Also I'm betting we aren't getting any TMNT ooze ending, which is a total bummer.
- I think they're looping the footage from the octo/shark fight.
- And the two creatures actually managed to kill each other, which is obviously super realistic. And there's asian guy to give us a little more Anakin-level banter in case you needed a little more. Just fantastic. I've seen a lot of crappy movies, but this is the worst. Other than Jumper.
- And we're set up for a sequel, because some old guy just gave our heros a file and said "here's something else" or some similar line. They better not be in Piranha. I can't take it again.
- Well there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this, because I sure as hell didn't, and I'm once again questioning why I keep doing this to myself. It must be for you, because I love you. Seriously, though, if I have to choose between a Giant Shark and a Giant Octopus, I'm going with crab juice.
- And just so this night isn't a total loss, here is a picture Snake snapped of a guy who was sitting near us at the Twins game we went to on Monday. I'm not even going to go with any commentary, I think it speaks for itself.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Week in Review - 5/3/2010
Sorry for the delay this week, but I've basically been on a 48-hour bender and couldn't find the time to post. See if you can tell which entries below I wrote earlier in the week, and which I just slapped up there right now.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Wilson Ramos. Time to trade Mauer now while he has the most value, we don't need him.
2. Justin Smoak. Finally got his first hit and first home run, and although the numbers don't look all that great now, he's still walking and the hits are going to start to come as he tears up pitching on his March to rookie-of-the year. It's a lock.
3. Colorado. I'm talking the college basketball team here. I know, you're all like "say what?" but the Buffaloes caught a huge boost when freshman stud Alec Burks decided not to enter the NBA Draft, despite a decent chance that he'd be a late first-round pick and the fact that you've never heard of him. Burks was the Big-12 freshman of the year (suck it, Xavier Henry) and had NBA scouts slobbering all over him most of the year, despite very little high-major attention coming out of high school (which would explain how he ended up in Boulder). He's now back, super stud and Big 12 third-teamer Cory Higgins is back, and new coach Tad Boyle is basically guaranteed to be better than Jeff Bzdelik (he's done a nice job with No Co). I'm not quite ready to say things are looking up for the Buffaloes, but they're looking slightly better - like working at Taco Bell instead of Taco Johns's.
4. NC State. Sticking with the college hoops theme, it looks like the Woflpack are back, for the first time since the days of Julius Hodge. This assumes that Tracy Smith's entry into the NBA draft is similar to when Dan Coleman and Spencer entered a few years ago and isn't anything real -although don't mistake what I'm saying, T. Smith is far better than either of those two clowns (I will admit I kind of might be starting to like Spencer as a radio guy). They just picked up a commitment from C.J. Leslie, an outstanding swingman and McDonald's All-American who ranks as the 14th best recruit in the country according to Rivals. He joins fellow recruits PG Ryan Harrow (ranked #19), SG Lorenzo Brown (#36), and a very talented group of sophomores (as well as Smith) to give NC State as much talent as they've had in a long time. They also have a good shot at inking the #45 recruit PF Luke Cothron. Of course Sid Lowe couldn't out-coach a wet paper bag or medium-sized rock, so there's a ceiling to their potential success.
5. Chris Tillman. If your firs reaction was that this guy is some kind of cornerback, congratulations you're wrong. And also an idiot. No, Tillman is a minor-league prospect of the Balitmore Orioles - a pitcher, to be precise - and is looking like he's every bit as good as advertised. He one-upped a much publicized outing by Stephen Strasburg where he threw five no-hit innings in AA by throwing a full-game, 9-inning no hitter in AAA. Tillman, who was acquired in the Erik Bedard trade, was ranked by Baseball Prospectus as the #3 talent under the age of 25 on the O's (behind #2 Adam Jones and #1 Adult Jesus (Wieters)) and is one of a slew of good looking pitching prospects that have brought a little bit of optimism back to Camden Yards. With the back end of the O's rotation struggling and this outing, expect to see Tillman hit the bigs sooner rather than later.
WHO SUCKED
1. Tiger Woods. I suppose it has to be said that if you thought Tiger was all the way back, he's probably not. Not after shooting 74-79 at Quail Hollow and missing the cut by 8 shots. Eight! Out of 152 players, he finished better than nine of them, and his 79 on Friday (highlighted by back-to-back double bogeys) was better than only five rounds shot in the entire tournament. That 79 was the second worst round of his career, and his 153 is his worst outing through 36 holes - ever. Simply put, this wasn't just an off weekend, it was a complete disaster. Clearly he is a golf robot fueled by sex with hookers and he's running pretty low on fuel. Might be time to get back on that horse there, guy. And I said horse. Not whores.
2. Dallas Mavericks. Remember how the Mavs were supposed to be a sleeper to make the finals from the west? :fartnoise: Good work guys. In case you missed it, the #2 seed in the West got bounced 3 games to 2 by San Antonio, once again proving that the Spurs will never die - like Al Davis or Jesse Crain. Combine an inability to guard Manu Ginobilli's nose, Jason Kidd's Colt Iverson-like three-point shooting, and the curse of Mark Cuban, and the Mavs were doomed. Seriously, these guys had one shot in the 2006 finals versus Miami and got screwed by the league mandate to give Dwyane Wade every call. Now, no matter how many trades they make, whether good (Josh Howard for Caron Butler and Brendan Haywood) or bad (Jason Kidd for Devin Harris), they aren't getting back to the finals any time soon. Plus that team is WAY over their allotment of Mexicans.
3. Ben Sheets. Two starts this week, and he got absolutely shelled in each. I'm thinking that experiment is not exactly going according to plan.
4. Trevor Hoffman. Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee. Hells Bells indeeed.
5. Jevan Snead. You know how you hear about guys who go early-entry into the NBA draft and don't get drafted? Well, that's exactly what happened to Ole Miss QB Jevan Snead, except it was the NFL draft he entered early, and instead of not getting drafted in a two-round draft, it's a seven rounder. Ouch. Evan more confusing is that it wasn't exactly like his stock was rising. Snead was supposed to be a fringe Heisman candidate to start, but after a Junior year that was worse than his sophomore year and inconsistently play all-around, it should have been clear he wasn't ready for the NFL draft. And now 32 NFL GMs agreed, an average of 7 or so times a piece. What's the NFL equivalent of the D-League? The CFL? Arena League?
And yes, the NFL draft was technically last week, but I didn't know about Snead until this week so I'm including it here. Sorry, those are the rules. The moose out front should have told ya.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Wilson Ramos. Time to trade Mauer now while he has the most value, we don't need him.
2. Justin Smoak. Finally got his first hit and first home run, and although the numbers don't look all that great now, he's still walking and the hits are going to start to come as he tears up pitching on his March to rookie-of-the year. It's a lock.
3. Colorado. I'm talking the college basketball team here. I know, you're all like "say what?" but the Buffaloes caught a huge boost when freshman stud Alec Burks decided not to enter the NBA Draft, despite a decent chance that he'd be a late first-round pick and the fact that you've never heard of him. Burks was the Big-12 freshman of the year (suck it, Xavier Henry) and had NBA scouts slobbering all over him most of the year, despite very little high-major attention coming out of high school (which would explain how he ended up in Boulder). He's now back, super stud and Big 12 third-teamer Cory Higgins is back, and new coach Tad Boyle is basically guaranteed to be better than Jeff Bzdelik (he's done a nice job with No Co). I'm not quite ready to say things are looking up for the Buffaloes, but they're looking slightly better - like working at Taco Bell instead of Taco Johns's.
4. NC State. Sticking with the college hoops theme, it looks like the Woflpack are back, for the first time since the days of Julius Hodge. This assumes that Tracy Smith's entry into the NBA draft is similar to when Dan Coleman and Spencer entered a few years ago and isn't anything real -although don't mistake what I'm saying, T. Smith is far better than either of those two clowns (I will admit I kind of might be starting to like Spencer as a radio guy). They just picked up a commitment from C.J. Leslie, an outstanding swingman and McDonald's All-American who ranks as the 14th best recruit in the country according to Rivals. He joins fellow recruits PG Ryan Harrow (ranked #19), SG Lorenzo Brown (#36), and a very talented group of sophomores (as well as Smith) to give NC State as much talent as they've had in a long time. They also have a good shot at inking the #45 recruit PF Luke Cothron. Of course Sid Lowe couldn't out-coach a wet paper bag or medium-sized rock, so there's a ceiling to their potential success.
5. Chris Tillman. If your firs reaction was that this guy is some kind of cornerback, congratulations you're wrong. And also an idiot. No, Tillman is a minor-league prospect of the Balitmore Orioles - a pitcher, to be precise - and is looking like he's every bit as good as advertised. He one-upped a much publicized outing by Stephen Strasburg where he threw five no-hit innings in AA by throwing a full-game, 9-inning no hitter in AAA. Tillman, who was acquired in the Erik Bedard trade, was ranked by Baseball Prospectus as the #3 talent under the age of 25 on the O's (behind #2 Adam Jones and #1 Adult Jesus (Wieters)) and is one of a slew of good looking pitching prospects that have brought a little bit of optimism back to Camden Yards. With the back end of the O's rotation struggling and this outing, expect to see Tillman hit the bigs sooner rather than later.
WHO SUCKED
1. Tiger Woods. I suppose it has to be said that if you thought Tiger was all the way back, he's probably not. Not after shooting 74-79 at Quail Hollow and missing the cut by 8 shots. Eight! Out of 152 players, he finished better than nine of them, and his 79 on Friday (highlighted by back-to-back double bogeys) was better than only five rounds shot in the entire tournament. That 79 was the second worst round of his career, and his 153 is his worst outing through 36 holes - ever. Simply put, this wasn't just an off weekend, it was a complete disaster. Clearly he is a golf robot fueled by sex with hookers and he's running pretty low on fuel. Might be time to get back on that horse there, guy. And I said horse. Not whores.
2. Dallas Mavericks. Remember how the Mavs were supposed to be a sleeper to make the finals from the west? :fartnoise: Good work guys. In case you missed it, the #2 seed in the West got bounced 3 games to 2 by San Antonio, once again proving that the Spurs will never die - like Al Davis or Jesse Crain. Combine an inability to guard Manu Ginobilli's nose, Jason Kidd's Colt Iverson-like three-point shooting, and the curse of Mark Cuban, and the Mavs were doomed. Seriously, these guys had one shot in the 2006 finals versus Miami and got screwed by the league mandate to give Dwyane Wade every call. Now, no matter how many trades they make, whether good (Josh Howard for Caron Butler and Brendan Haywood) or bad (Jason Kidd for Devin Harris), they aren't getting back to the finals any time soon. Plus that team is WAY over their allotment of Mexicans.
3. Ben Sheets. Two starts this week, and he got absolutely shelled in each. I'm thinking that experiment is not exactly going according to plan.
4. Trevor Hoffman. Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee. Hells Bells indeeed.
5. Jevan Snead. You know how you hear about guys who go early-entry into the NBA draft and don't get drafted? Well, that's exactly what happened to Ole Miss QB Jevan Snead, except it was the NFL draft he entered early, and instead of not getting drafted in a two-round draft, it's a seven rounder. Ouch. Evan more confusing is that it wasn't exactly like his stock was rising. Snead was supposed to be a fringe Heisman candidate to start, but after a Junior year that was worse than his sophomore year and inconsistently play all-around, it should have been clear he wasn't ready for the NFL draft. And now 32 NFL GMs agreed, an average of 7 or so times a piece. What's the NFL equivalent of the D-League? The CFL? Arena League?
And yes, the NFL draft was technically last week, but I didn't know about Snead until this week so I'm including it here. Sorry, those are the rules. The moose out front should have told ya.
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