WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Kevin Slowey. You know, if he had just pitched like this all year nobody would be worried. When he's on he's just an excellent, efficient, strike-throwing, out-recorded machine. Obviously we haven't seen enough of that version of Slowey this year, leading to all the Haren/Oswalt/Lilly talk, but with Pavano and Liriano essentially dominant at this point if Slowey (and Baker) can start pitching well the Twins could end up being a serious problem for somebody in the playoffs. Or those two will continue to suck, leading to down-to-the-wire pennant race where the winner gets swept in the first round.
2. Francisco Liriano. Seven innings, 2 hits allowed, no runs, eleven strikeouts, and it's really just a ho-hum effort at this point. He's now tossed 21 straight scoreless innings, and is looking very close to his 2006 form. Honestly I'm almost getting sick of writing about him, even as he's getting more and more enjoyable to watch. Seriously, is there anything better than watching him carve up a lineup, and do it in a completely different way than Pavano? Man I really hope those other jackasses in the rotation get their shit together. This next week and a half is going to tell us a lot, with the next 10 games on the road including matchups with Tampa and the White Sox.
3. Stuart Appleby. Do you remember two years ago when Stewart Cink won the British Open and I had to say nice things about him because he won? Well I hate Cink, so that really sucked. This also sucks, because Stuart Appleby is basically nothing but a cotton-headed ninny-muggins, and he won the Greenbrier Classic this week because he shot a 59 on Sunday, and a 59 is a score that has only been reached like five times or something like that, so it's pretty impressive. Less impressive was Jeff Overton missing a 3-foot birdie putt on 17 that would have tied Appleby and then blaming a ballmark for the miss. Also, how is this thing called the Greenbrier "Classic" when it's in its first year of existence? Seems like false advertising.
4. Gavin Floyd. Why is he so good now? He pitched six perfect innings on Sunday against the A's before it was broken up, but finished with yet another sparkling outing. Since June 8th, here are his earned runs allowed by game: 1-1-1-0-2-1-1-1-0-0. That's ridiculous. And it feels like the entire team has started doing this crap. The Twins are a far better team than Chicago, but if they keep getting pitching like this they're going to be awfully tough to beat. Luckily the just acquire Edwin Jackson, so we're good.
5. Texas Rangers. Not because of their play this weekend, when they dropped two of three against the Angels, but because they have now positioned themselves as a darkhorse World Series candidate. The rotation was already pretty good with the emergence of Tommy Hunter, Colby Lewis, and C.J. Wilson and they added Cliff Lee. The bullpen is outstanding. Parts of their lineup were already stacked (Josh Hamilton, Elvis Andrus, Nelson Cruz, and Michael Young) and where they had weaknesses they went out and acquired pieces to address it: Cristian Guzman at 2B, Jorge Cantu at first, and Bengie Molina behind the plate. None of those guys are awesome or anything, but they all shore up weak areas for Texas. Look out for these guys, serious sleeper potential.
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WHO SUCKED
1. Chicago White Sox. So let me get this straight. First of all, they weren't able to get the guy they really wanted, Adam Dunn, or either of there backup plans, Lance Berkman or Manny Ramirez, and they even had a deal in place for Berkman but he vetoed it. Then they end up trading for Edwin Jackson, a pitcher who has been on three teams in three years, has a 5.16 ERA in the National League this year, has a career 4.74 ERA, leads the NL in earned runs allowed, and is going to make $8.35 million this year. And they traded two of their top 10 prospects for him. And the only reason they traded for him is because the Nats made them think that getting him was the key to getting Dunn. Psych, I guess. Well played Nats, well played. White Sox? More like White Sux, am I right?
2. Seattle Mariners. Wow, way to not put up any resistance at all, and following up a sweep by the White Sox as well leads me to the conclusion that the Mariners are the most worthless team in baseball. Yes, the same Mariners that I said were a sleeper World Series candidate. Let's all agree that I never said that, k?
3. Bryce Harper. I'm pretty sure Bryce Harper is a douche. I mean, I already kind of did, considering he has been anointed a future star since he was like six and he wears war paint when he plays like some douche from Precision Tree, but check out his facebook profile (No, I didn't stalk him, this is from an article on yahoo)
I mean really. Between the picture and using his status as a tool to try to get a better contract? Ugh. Count me out. I hope Strasburg beans him in BP, assuming Bryce gets to the bigs someday. Really, I'd think a former Twin would raise his kid better than this.
4. Early season NFL injuries. Are there always this many injuries before practices even start? Dez Bryant. Knowshon Moreno. Percy Harvin. DeSean Jackson. Wes Welker. I mean, how are people getting hurt? Isn't this the part where they don't do anything but watch film and do non-contract drills? Sounds like a bunch of sissies to me. I guess we already know Harvin is, thanks to his Justin Morneau-like response to headaches. Just seems weird. Or maybe I'm stretching for subjects to write about.
5. Angelina. Seriously, why is she even there? None of the guys want her there. None of the girls want her there. She's only there because she's jealous of the fame these dorks have now achieved, however much they don't actually deserve it. Perhaps the best part is that she thinks nobody likes her because she left early last season, but in reality nobody likes her because she's a terrible person who talked trash about all of them. And why would anybody talk shit about JWoww. That chick would straight up murder you in your sleep if she so much as thought you looked at her wrong. Honestly as hot as she is if she wanted to sleep with me I'd turn her down because I'd be afraid that I wouldn't perform up to her standards and her response would be to break a bottle on the headboard and then stab me in the balls.
The End. I would have written more but it's Shark Week. Holla.
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4 comments:
Precision Tree lost last night! There goes the 12 year reign of terror. Douches!!
You wouldn't sleep with her because your little chub doesn't stick out from under your gut when its erect. Don't lie to your reader.
I know I'm late to the party here, but can someone tell me how many concussions Morneau has had and how he received his most recent?
W - I know that you are a connoisseur of faggy drinks with fruit in them, have you ever made Ron Ron Juice?
1. I think this is Morneau's second concussion, and he got this one when he got bumped in the head sliding into second.
2. No.
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