Weekend Review - 8/2/2010

Remember how these Weekend Reviews used to be just for the weekend stuff, and then they morphed into the full week in review?  Well, now that I'm doing daily postings, they're going back to weekend reviews only.  I think.  For now.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Kevin Slowey.  You know, if he had just pitched like this all year nobody would be worried.  When he's on he's just an excellent, efficient, strike-throwing, out-recorded machine.  Obviously we haven't seen enough of that version of Slowey this year, leading to all the Haren/Oswalt/Lilly talk, but with Pavano and Liriano essentially dominant at this point if Slowey (and Baker) can start pitching well the Twins could end up being a serious problem for somebody in the playoffs.  Or those two will continue to suck, leading to down-to-the-wire pennant race where the winner gets swept in the first round.

2.  Francisco Liriano.   Seven innings, 2 hits allowed, no runs, eleven strikeouts, and it's really just a ho-hum effort at this point.  He's now tossed 21 straight scoreless innings, and is looking very close to his 2006 form.  Honestly I'm almost getting sick of writing about him, even as he's getting more and more enjoyable to watch.  Seriously, is there anything better than watching him carve up a lineup, and do it in a completely different way than Pavano?  Man I really hope those other jackasses in the rotation get their shit together.   This next week and a half is going to tell us a lot, with the next 10 games on the road including matchups with Tampa and the White Sox.   

3.  Stuart Appleby.  Do you remember two years ago when Stewart Cink won the British Open and I had to say nice things about him because he won?  Well I hate Cink, so that really sucked.  This also sucks, because Stuart Appleby is basically nothing but a cotton-headed ninny-muggins, and he won the Greenbrier Classic this week because he shot a 59 on Sunday, and a 59 is a score that has only been reached like five times or something like that, so it's pretty impressive.  Less impressive was Jeff Overton missing a 3-foot birdie putt on 17 that would have tied Appleby and then blaming a ballmark for the miss.  Also, how is this thing called the Greenbrier "Classic" when it's in its first year of existence?  Seems like false advertising.  

4.  Gavin Floyd.  Why is he so good now?  He pitched six perfect innings on Sunday against the A's before it was broken up, but finished with yet another sparkling outing.  Since June 8th, here are his earned runs allowed by game:  1-1-1-0-2-1-1-1-0-0.  That's ridiculous.  And it feels like the entire team has started doing this crap.  The Twins are a far better team than Chicago, but if they keep getting pitching like this they're going to be awfully tough to beat.  Luckily the just acquire Edwin Jackson, so we're good.

5.  Texas Rangers.  Not because of their play this weekend, when they dropped two of three against the Angels, but because they have now positioned themselves as a darkhorse World Series candidate.  The rotation was already pretty good with the emergence of Tommy Hunter, Colby Lewis, and C.J. Wilson and they added Cliff Lee.  The bullpen is outstanding.  Parts of their lineup were already stacked (Josh Hamilton, Elvis Andrus, Nelson Cruz, and Michael Young) and where they had weaknesses they went out and acquired pieces to address it:  Cristian Guzman at 2B, Jorge Cantu at first, and Bengie Molina behind the plate.  None of those guys are awesome or anything, but they all shore up weak areas for Texas.  Look out for these guys, serious sleeper potential. 

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WHO SUCKED

1.  Chicago White Sox.  So let me get this straight.  First of all, they weren't able to get the guy they really wanted, Adam Dunn, or either of there backup plans, Lance Berkman or Manny Ramirez, and they even had a deal in place for Berkman but he vetoed it.  Then they end up trading for Edwin Jackson, a pitcher who has been on three teams in three years, has a 5.16 ERA in the National League this year, has a career 4.74 ERA, leads the NL in earned runs allowed, and is going to make $8.35 million this year.  And they traded two of their top 10 prospects for him.  And the only reason they traded for him is because the Nats made them think that getting him was the key to getting Dunn.  Psych, I guess.  Well played Nats, well played.  White Sox?  More like White Sux, am I right?

2.  Seattle Mariners.  Wow, way to not put up any resistance at all, and following up a sweep by the White Sox as well leads me to the conclusion that the Mariners are the most worthless team in baseball.  Yes, the same Mariners that I said were a sleeper World Series candidate.  Let's all agree that I never said that, k?

3.  Bryce Harper.  I'm pretty sure Bryce Harper is a douche.  I mean, I already kind of did, considering he has been anointed a future star since he was like six and he wears war paint when he plays like some douche from Precision Tree, but check out his facebook profile (No, I didn't stalk him, this is from an article on yahoo)

I mean really.  Between the picture and using his status as a tool to try to get a better contract?  Ugh.  Count me out.  I hope Strasburg beans him in BP, assuming Bryce gets to the bigs someday.  Really, I'd think a former Twin would raise his kid better than this.

4.   Early season NFL injuries.  Are there always this many injuries before practices even start?  Dez Bryant.  Knowshon Moreno.  Percy Harvin.  DeSean Jackson.  Wes Welker.  I mean, how are people getting hurt?  Isn't this the part where they don't do anything but watch film and do non-contract drills?  Sounds like a bunch of sissies to me.  I  guess we already know Harvin is, thanks to his Justin Morneau-like response to headaches.  Just seems weird.  Or maybe I'm stretching for subjects to write about.

5.  Angelina.  Seriously, why is she even there?  None of the guys want her there.  None of the girls want her there.  She's only there because she's jealous of the fame these dorks have now achieved, however much they don't actually deserve it.  Perhaps the best part is that she thinks nobody likes her because she left early last season, but in reality nobody likes her because she's a terrible person who talked trash about all of them.  And why would anybody talk shit about JWoww.  That chick would straight up murder you in your sleep if she so much as thought you looked at her wrong.  Honestly as hot as she is if she wanted to sleep with me I'd turn her down because I'd be afraid that I wouldn't perform up to her standards and her response would be to break a bottle on the headboard and then stab me in the balls.


The End.  I would have written more but it's Shark Week.  Holla.

Happy Father's Day

To me. After an excellent Father's Day breakfast of donuts and bacon (jealous?), I'm now planted on the couch with the little one with plans to watch the Twins/Brewers, US Open, and NBA Finals.

- Enough with the bunting. Enough.

- I love how when Mauer sits Gardy doesn't have the energy to bother shuffling the batting order and just plugs Redmond in the three hole. I don't know if it's laziness or stupidity (such as, "I can't move anyone else around it'll throw them off!!) I don't know which would be worse, but what I do know is that Gardy is not a good manager.

- Unfortunately, Delmon Young has the day off so I don't get to watch him flail about, but I want to mention that Snacks is a huge Young fan. This weekend I was called a "hater" and told "he's only 22." So please, next time you watch Delmon chase a ball a foot outside, go after the slider in the dirt, or hit a groundball nine consecutive at bats, just remember that Snacks is in love with him.

- I'm going to write something about college basketball next week, I promise.

- Scottie Baker "The Touchdown Maker" just gave up a double to the Brewer's pitcher. That seriously has to be the worst thing in the world. Even worse than giving up a hit to Adam Everett.

- I chose Phil Mickelson and Sergio Garcia over Tiger for fantasy golf this week. That's looking like a pretty major mistake. Dammit. I hope his knee falls off.

- On Channel 101 on DirectTV is the "Championship Gaming Series Draft Show." This is a group of teams, drafting people to play on their video gamer teams to compete in the North American Gaming series. Sample analysis, "So do you go with a DOA Male to compliment your female, or do you go with a driver here to fill out your squad." Chris "NinjaCW" Harris was just picked, and he goes up to a podium and gets a hat and shirt and all that. Totally surreal.

- US Open has now officially been on for fifteen minutes and we have yet to see a single shot. Enough with the blah blah already.

- How about the choke job by Appleby yesterday? Nobody's talking about it due to Tiger's brilliance and the fact that it was Saturday and not Sunday, but tossing up a +8 when you're leading the US Open is Normanesque. And not just the +8, but the way he did it. He missed AT LEAST four putts under five feet. I'm guessing he doesn't recover for a while, he's kind of a sensitive emo dude and probably cried himself to sleep last night.

- The front page of the leaderboard sucks. You have Tiger (boring), Lee Westwood (commie), Rocco Mediate (probably gay), Geoff Ogilvy (definitely gay), DJ Trahan (I barely know who this is), Camilo Villegas (the most annoying golfer on tour), Robert Karlsson (commie), and Miguel Angel Jimenez (gay commie). I'm going to have to root for someone on page two to make a miracle run. Let's go with, um, say, Sergio Garcia.

- Also Scott Baker is very good. 8 K's through five, including four in the third inning alone. Jason Kubel is awesome too. Where are all the haters now? HATERS!!1 He should probably be an all-star.

- Mrs. W's contribution, "Cuddyer doesn't look like a Michael. He looks like an Andy." Weirdly, I agree.

- I understand it's sad that Tim Russert died or whatever, but do we really need a ten minute segment on him during the US freaking Open? I don't mean to be an insensitive ass, but there's a time and place people, a time and a place. They better break into news tonight whenever somebody birdies a hole. Meanwhile I see Brian Bass is in with the Brewers up 3-2, so I'm going to go ahead and mark down a Brewers' win here.

- The dream is over right away, as on the par 3 third hole Sergio pumps in right into some crap, then sails it over the green on shot two and ends up with a double. I'm now officially rooting for Lee Westwood. God I'm so sick of Tiger. They've spent more time on the telecast thus far talking about stupid Tiger crap than they have showing any of the other golfers. He's like Brett Favre, but actually good. It's just like, enough already, there are other golfers out there. I really don't need to know about Tiger and his mom's spiritual relationship.

- Dennys Reyes is the new Rich Garces.

- Tiger doubles the first, hitting a tree twice. Of course, his very first hole of the tourny was a double as well, so this doesn't necessarily mean much, except that it was to watch him struggle like a weekend hacker.

- He follows that up with another shanked tee shot and a three putt to bogey number 2, including a missed four foot par putt. So far he's looking like Appleby from yesterday, hopefully he'll keep it up. He's already wincing and making fake grimaces when the camera is on him, just so he can blame the knee if he ends up not winning. What a prima donna. Oh, so the knee is fine when he shoot -3 through three rounds, but two bad holes and suddenly it hurts? You're no Lance Harbor, sir. If only somebody would make a run, but Garcia can't seem to make a birdie anywhere.

- In case you missed it, Jordan Crawford is leaving Indiana. This now leaves the Hoosiers and new coach Tom Crean with exactly two returning players and one scholarship player in Kyle Taber, who averaged 1.3 points and 2.5 rebounds per game last year. What a mess.

- Luke Donald officially withdraws from the Open after injuring his wrist on the fourth hole. How do you get hurt playing golf you ask? I wouldn't have believed it either, but a friend of mine, we'll call him Park, once hurt his wrist golfing and had to sit out an entire summer of baseball. And he was a baseball stud, and was lucky to break 120 golfing. Of course, he was always the kind of kid who, despite being an incredible natural athlete, could also manage to get hurt doing just about anything. He was like Fred Taylor or, if you prefer something a bit more provincial, Michael Bauer.

- Sergio sucks.

- Lee Westwood just had a birdie putt that would have put him up 2 on Tiger here on the 8th hole, and Tiger stood in his line of sight. Seriously, like right there. While prima donna Tiger backs off his shot if a bird chirps or the wind blows. So he's a baby, a faker, a whiner, and a cheater. Real role model there. What an ass.

- Naturally, Westwood misses. Seriously, nobody can putt today. And Tiger takes the lead. So, there's that. It's pretty much over. I can't wait for the basketball.

- Wow, I just came back and somehow Mediate is back in front of Tiger by a shot. How'd that happen? Go Rocco! Also, if you live in the North St Paul area, you should order Rocco's Pizza. Thin crust, sausage and pepperoni. It's very thin and cut into squares. Money.

- Here's a new one. Tiger missed a par putt by a few millimeters left, and announcer guy says, "It hit something. It hit something on the green and didn't break as much as it was supposed to." Then we go over the replay, and he narrates how it hit something. But it didn't. It never hit anything. It just didn't break that much. It was seriously just like Madden making excuses for a Brett Favre interception. The guy is the greatest golfer in history, but he does actually miss putts without anything crazy happening. He just missed. It's ok. It happens. Sheesh.

- El Tigre sinks his birdie putt on 18, and he and Mediate will be playing 18 tomorrow to determine the winner. Wow. That's a bit of a mismatch. Tiger by 6 strokes.

- Basketball prediction: Due to being down 3-1, the Lakers are demoralized. Since their leader, Kobe, is not from the "inspirational leader" school of leadership and is more from the "I'm a complete dick" school, they struggle from the get go. In the second quarter (or earlier), Kobe is done with his teammates and goes into full on ballhog take over the game mode. It might work, and it might not, but expect Kobe to take over 30 shots tonight, for good or for ill.

- Rajon Rondo has officially become Jacque Vaughn. Drove all the way into the lane and had a wide open layup, but for some unknown reason kicked it out to Paul Pierce instead - who missed. He apparently has decided he has the shooting touch of Jonathan Williams.

- Well, the Lakers certainly haven't come out flat nor demoralized, up 24-12 quickly. Kobe does have 8 shots in under 8 minutes, so that prediction is looking good, unlike pretty much every other prediction I've ever made. Go JP Losman!

- Ray Allen has, without question, the prettiest jumpshot ever. Look:

See?

- Whatever happened to former Big Ten POY Brian Cook? The dude from Illinois? He was a Laker for a while, and seemed to be kind of being not terrible, but now the Lakers are playing super stiff Chris Mihm over him.

- Here's your answer. He has his own website (actually I don't know if it's by him, but it's certainly dedicated to him) and he was traded in the offseason from the Lakers to Orlando. He pretty much sucked, averaging 5 points and 2 rebounds per game in 12 minutes, and got hurt right before the playoffs. I guess there's not that much of a market for a seven foot tall three point specialist, unless you're Sam Perkins.

- I keep forgetting to mention that Brendan Harris is my new favorite Twin. Sports Illustrated does a thing in each episode where they ask four athletes some pop culture/everyday life types of questions. In this one mag, Harris was one of the guys and the question was, "What do you never leave the house without?" and some of the answers were like "My wallet" or "pictures of my family", but Harris's answer was "My flask." You gotta love that.

- 55-52 at half. Kobe has slowed down, with only 12 attempts. Expect that number to sky rocket in the second half, as he feels more and more of a sense of urgency.

- Semi-Pro is a gigantic turd of a movie. Don't waste your time. Watch Anchorman again instead.

- No matter how hard I try, I just cannot get into NBA basketball. Is impossible.

- You can tell Vujacic is a Euro, after a jump ball he goes down hard, and curls up in the fetal position like a European Soccer Player. Very girly.

- Lakers up two with five minutes left, and Kobe doesn't touch the ball the entire possession. Inconceivable. I thought Phil Jackson was some kind of genius.

- I really don't like Will Smith. Does that make me a racist? I'm ok with that, just wondering.

- KG misses two free throws that would have tied it up with 2 and a half remaining. Sigh. Let the anti-clutch opinions keep coming - he keeps living up to them, sadly.

- Those shooting sleeves are the gayest things ever. EVER.

- Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah Lakers! Great, now I'll have to force myself to watch at least one more game. Awesome.

Watson v. Elk

Hey, Grandslam has decided to write again. Here we go:

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What was the most intriguing/interesting story last week at the Zurich Classic? Was it the fact the young argentinian Andres Romero won his first PGA Tour title, or was it the fact for the second week in a row mother nature had a big say in the weeks tournament?? Hell, it could even be the fact that alot of the top finishers in the field made significant jumps in the World Golf Rankings. If you say that anything that i had mention was the standout story of the week, then you clearly did not watch Friday's coverage on the golf channel.

This might possibly one of the funniest things i have ever seen on Live TV.



Now obviously for young Bubba Watson this was a situation that was happening for the majority of the first two rounds. Of course it was, for gods sake Bubba Watson hits it 40 yds. past the majority of his playing partners. The one thing that i did not like about the situation was how Steve Elkington's caddie stormed off the 18th green with his employer. I had no problem with the way Elkington reacted, cuz lets face it if you get alled out like a little bitch, your gonna be pretty pissed. And this maybe just my opinion, but Elkington should have stayed and at least shook hands with the rest of the caddies, if for anything to show them the respect.

This week the tour will head to Houston for the Shell Houston Open. This tournament has absolutely been dominated by international players in the last ten years, especially the Aussies (ie: Stuart Appleby). International players have won 7 out of the last 10 years here. 4 of those wins have gone to the Aussies (Scott, Allenby, and Appleby), as for Stuart Appleby he has 2 wins and 2 seconds in 7 career starts here.

Usually the week before a major (Masters next week) the fields are usually pretty weak. Surprisingly this week is a very strong field considering the circumstances with 5 of the top 10 in the fed ex cup standings. With this all being said, my pick for the week is an international player, and its the Aussie Stuart Appleby. With his dominance in this tournament he's someone you have to think will be right there come Sunday.

---Grandslam