Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day



To me. After an excellent Father's Day breakfast of donuts and bacon (jealous?), I'm now planted on the couch with the little one with plans to watch the Twins/Brewers, US Open, and NBA Finals.

- Enough with the bunting. Enough.

- I love how when Mauer sits Gardy doesn't have the energy to bother shuffling the batting order and just plugs Redmond in the three hole. I don't know if it's laziness or stupidity (such as, "I can't move anyone else around it'll throw them off!!) I don't know which would be worse, but what I do know is that Gardy is not a good manager.

- Unfortunately, Delmon Young has the day off so I don't get to watch him flail about, but I want to mention that Snacks is a huge Young fan. This weekend I was called a "hater" and told "he's only 22." So please, next time you watch Delmon chase a ball a foot outside, go after the slider in the dirt, or hit a groundball nine consecutive at bats, just remember that Snacks is in love with him.

- I'm going to write something about college basketball next week, I promise.

- Scottie Baker "The Touchdown Maker" just gave up a double to the Brewer's pitcher. That seriously has to be the worst thing in the world. Even worse than giving up a hit to Adam Everett.

- I chose Phil Mickelson and Sergio Garcia over Tiger for fantasy golf this week. That's looking like a pretty major mistake. Dammit. I hope his knee falls off.

- On Channel 101 on DirectTV is the "Championship Gaming Series Draft Show." This is a group of teams, drafting people to play on their video gamer teams to compete in the North American Gaming series. Sample analysis, "So do you go with a DOA Male to compliment your female, or do you go with a driver here to fill out your squad." Chris "NinjaCW" Harris was just picked, and he goes up to a podium and gets a hat and shirt and all that. Totally surreal.

- US Open has now officially been on for fifteen minutes and we have yet to see a single shot. Enough with the blah blah already.

- How about the choke job by Appleby yesterday? Nobody's talking about it due to Tiger's brilliance and the fact that it was Saturday and not Sunday, but tossing up a +8 when you're leading the US Open is Normanesque. And not just the +8, but the way he did it. He missed AT LEAST four putts under five feet. I'm guessing he doesn't recover for a while, he's kind of a sensitive emo dude and probably cried himself to sleep last night.

- The front page of the leaderboard sucks. You have Tiger (boring), Lee Westwood (commie), Rocco Mediate (probably gay), Geoff Ogilvy (definitely gay), DJ Trahan (I barely know who this is), Camilo Villegas (the most annoying golfer on tour), Robert Karlsson (commie), and Miguel Angel Jimenez (gay commie). I'm going to have to root for someone on page two to make a miracle run. Let's go with, um, say, Sergio Garcia.

- Also Scott Baker is very good. 8 K's through five, including four in the third inning alone. Jason Kubel is awesome too. Where are all the haters now? HATERS!!1 He should probably be an all-star.

- Mrs. W's contribution, "Cuddyer doesn't look like a Michael. He looks like an Andy." Weirdly, I agree.

- I understand it's sad that Tim Russert died or whatever, but do we really need a ten minute segment on him during the US freaking Open? I don't mean to be an insensitive ass, but there's a time and place people, a time and a place. They better break into news tonight whenever somebody birdies a hole. Meanwhile I see Brian Bass is in with the Brewers up 3-2, so I'm going to go ahead and mark down a Brewers' win here.

- The dream is over right away, as on the par 3 third hole Sergio pumps in right into some crap, then sails it over the green on shot two and ends up with a double. I'm now officially rooting for Lee Westwood. God I'm so sick of Tiger. They've spent more time on the telecast thus far talking about stupid Tiger crap than they have showing any of the other golfers. He's like Brett Favre, but actually good. It's just like, enough already, there are other golfers out there. I really don't need to know about Tiger and his mom's spiritual relationship.

- Dennys Reyes is the new Rich Garces.

- Tiger doubles the first, hitting a tree twice. Of course, his very first hole of the tourny was a double as well, so this doesn't necessarily mean much, except that it was to watch him struggle like a weekend hacker.

- He follows that up with another shanked tee shot and a three putt to bogey number 2, including a missed four foot par putt. So far he's looking like Appleby from yesterday, hopefully he'll keep it up. He's already wincing and making fake grimaces when the camera is on him, just so he can blame the knee if he ends up not winning. What a prima donna. Oh, so the knee is fine when he shoot -3 through three rounds, but two bad holes and suddenly it hurts? You're no Lance Harbor, sir. If only somebody would make a run, but Garcia can't seem to make a birdie anywhere.

- In case you missed it, Jordan Crawford is leaving Indiana. This now leaves the Hoosiers and new coach Tom Crean with exactly two returning players and one scholarship player in Kyle Taber, who averaged 1.3 points and 2.5 rebounds per game last year. What a mess.

- Luke Donald officially withdraws from the Open after injuring his wrist on the fourth hole. How do you get hurt playing golf you ask? I wouldn't have believed it either, but a friend of mine, we'll call him Park, once hurt his wrist golfing and had to sit out an entire summer of baseball. And he was a baseball stud, and was lucky to break 120 golfing. Of course, he was always the kind of kid who, despite being an incredible natural athlete, could also manage to get hurt doing just about anything. He was like Fred Taylor or, if you prefer something a bit more provincial, Michael Bauer.

- Sergio sucks.

- Lee Westwood just had a birdie putt that would have put him up 2 on Tiger here on the 8th hole, and Tiger stood in his line of sight. Seriously, like right there. While prima donna Tiger backs off his shot if a bird chirps or the wind blows. So he's a baby, a faker, a whiner, and a cheater. Real role model there. What an ass.

- Naturally, Westwood misses. Seriously, nobody can putt today. And Tiger takes the lead. So, there's that. It's pretty much over. I can't wait for the basketball.

- Wow, I just came back and somehow Mediate is back in front of Tiger by a shot. How'd that happen? Go Rocco! Also, if you live in the North St Paul area, you should order Rocco's Pizza. Thin crust, sausage and pepperoni. It's very thin and cut into squares. Money.

- Here's a new one. Tiger missed a par putt by a few millimeters left, and announcer guy says, "It hit something. It hit something on the green and didn't break as much as it was supposed to." Then we go over the replay, and he narrates how it hit something. But it didn't. It never hit anything. It just didn't break that much. It was seriously just like Madden making excuses for a Brett Favre interception. The guy is the greatest golfer in history, but he does actually miss putts without anything crazy happening. He just missed. It's ok. It happens. Sheesh.

- El Tigre sinks his birdie putt on 18, and he and Mediate will be playing 18 tomorrow to determine the winner. Wow. That's a bit of a mismatch. Tiger by 6 strokes.

- Basketball prediction: Due to being down 3-1, the Lakers are demoralized. Since their leader, Kobe, is not from the "inspirational leader" school of leadership and is more from the "I'm a complete dick" school, they struggle from the get go. In the second quarter (or earlier), Kobe is done with his teammates and goes into full on ballhog take over the game mode. It might work, and it might not, but expect Kobe to take over 30 shots tonight, for good or for ill.

- Rajon Rondo has officially become Jacque Vaughn. Drove all the way into the lane and had a wide open layup, but for some unknown reason kicked it out to Paul Pierce instead - who missed. He apparently has decided he has the shooting touch of Jonathan Williams.

- Well, the Lakers certainly haven't come out flat nor demoralized, up 24-12 quickly. Kobe does have 8 shots in under 8 minutes, so that prediction is looking good, unlike pretty much every other prediction I've ever made. Go JP Losman!

- Ray Allen has, without question, the prettiest jumpshot ever. Look:

See?

- Whatever happened to former Big Ten POY Brian Cook? The dude from Illinois? He was a Laker for a while, and seemed to be kind of being not terrible, but now the Lakers are playing super stiff Chris Mihm over him.

- Here's your answer. He has his own website (actually I don't know if it's by him, but it's certainly dedicated to him) and he was traded in the offseason from the Lakers to Orlando. He pretty much sucked, averaging 5 points and 2 rebounds per game in 12 minutes, and got hurt right before the playoffs. I guess there's not that much of a market for a seven foot tall three point specialist, unless you're Sam Perkins.

- I keep forgetting to mention that Brendan Harris is my new favorite Twin. Sports Illustrated does a thing in each episode where they ask four athletes some pop culture/everyday life types of questions. In this one mag, Harris was one of the guys and the question was, "What do you never leave the house without?" and some of the answers were like "My wallet" or "pictures of my family", but Harris's answer was "My flask." You gotta love that.

- 55-52 at half. Kobe has slowed down, with only 12 attempts. Expect that number to sky rocket in the second half, as he feels more and more of a sense of urgency.

- Semi-Pro is a gigantic turd of a movie. Don't waste your time. Watch Anchorman again instead.

- No matter how hard I try, I just cannot get into NBA basketball. Is impossible.

- You can tell Vujacic is a Euro, after a jump ball he goes down hard, and curls up in the fetal position like a European Soccer Player. Very girly.

- Lakers up two with five minutes left, and Kobe doesn't touch the ball the entire possession. Inconceivable. I thought Phil Jackson was some kind of genius.

- I really don't like Will Smith. Does that make me a racist? I'm ok with that, just wondering.

- KG misses two free throws that would have tied it up with 2 and a half remaining. Sigh. Let the anti-clutch opinions keep coming - he keeps living up to them, sadly.

- Those shooting sleeves are the gayest things ever. EVER.

- Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah Lakers! Great, now I'll have to force myself to watch at least one more game. Awesome.

13 comments:

Dharma Bum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dharma Bum said...

I've always wondered about the lineup thing too. Supposedly a player gets "comfortable" in the 4 spot or some such nonsense. Seems like BS to me.

I was a Young fan and bought a t-shirt, I now regret that purchase.

Theory said...

I said the same thing yesterday: Tiger clutched his knee in pain every time he made a bad shot, but miraculously his knee was fine any time he hit a great shot.
Also, the announcers treat him like Brett Favre: No matter what he does, they want to knob him off. Tiger could punch an old lady in the face and the announcers would be like, "She probably deserved it."

The Todd said...

Called in sick today due to Sunday night Buzz!

Currently watching Rocco up 1 with two to play with a stomach full of Chipotle and Coors Light. Life is good.

Anonymous said...

Ive never been to Rocco's pizza....I'm gonna tonight. It better not suck.

N. Faldo said...

When the cameras are off Tiger does punch old ladies in the face.

bob said...

Last night kind of made you wonder what "would have been" had the T-Wolves not traded Ray Allen.

p.s. - Nice blubbering post-game interview KG.

Bear said...

Yeah, Tiger was really hamming it up with his knee, idiot!

the actual idiot said...

No Bear
Your the idiot

Bear said...

Good won!

snacks said...

This was in Forde's article on espn today after it came out how bad Tiger's injury really was, and I find it especially appropriate to post for WWWWW and Theory:

"Clearly, there are no excuses in TigerLand. If there were, he would have told us up front how significant the injury was. Now that we know, all the idiots who said Woods was being a drama queen with all the wincing and limping are politely advised to shut up."

Theory said...

By the way, Will Smith is fricken awesome.

WWWWWW said...

You know what I'm sayin?

*LAUGHTRACK*