I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but Mama. W is all knocked up again and I'm pretty sure it's mine so I'm pretty interested in what's going on with this here kid, and we found out tonight that we're having a boy, which is awesome because we already have a girl named WonderbabyTM as you probably know. Since we got that bit o' good news I figured I'd celebrate by having a couple of little screwdrivers and watching the Twins. Join me, won't you, on this magical ride I call life?
8:51 - No, the Twins haven't started but I'm watching the O's/Rays thanks to the free MLB package preview Directv is nice enough to give us, and I'm torn. The Orioles are leading 5-3 in the 8th and I have the Orioles at +155 but I also have the Rays' closer on my fantasy team. Some might look at this as a win/win, but I look at it as sucky and am trying to figure out how I can cash in on both. I'm looking for the Rays to tie it up, Soriano to pitch 2 shutout innings, and then the O's win and somebody else gets the loss. Win/win.
8:57 - So we had a nice girl's name that we agreed on, but we haven't been able to come to an agreement with a boy name at all. Mrs. W wants Lucas, while I'm trying to convince her to go with a first name-middle name combo of either Optimus Prime or Matt Wieters.
9:02 - By the way that wasn't me who picked Furyk to win the Masters. I think Dr. Acula hacked my account.
9:04 - I'll be watching the game, at least for now, via internet feed and it is behind real TV by anywhere from 30 seconds to a couple of minutes, so if you Tivo'd the game and play it back later to match up the times with this blog it won't work. Sorry to spoil your Friday night plans.
9:05 - Gail Simmons has large boobs, but she's no Audrina.
Audrina and Vegas in the same picture? Is this heaven?
9:11 - Good god this is a terrible internet feed. It's like watching the game through a Viewmaster.
9:17 - Morneau strikes out with runners on second and third and only one out which means all he had to do was put the ball in play and the Twins go up 1-0. And if I know one thing about facing Joel Piniero, it's that you need to score the runs when you can because a shut-down pitcher like him doesn't give you many opportunities to score.
9:19 - Text from Snacks "God Cuddyer is a fat piece of crap." Sums it up. Not much more to add.
9:20 - Oh, I forgot to mention that my soon to be son has a gigantic head. Like, their computer program actually moved up Mrs. W's due date by a full week because the kid's head was so gigantic. Apparently he's basically like a toothpick with an orange on top in there. He's pretty much either Stewie or Justin Morneau.
9:22 - Slowey strikes out the leadoff batter, Aybar, on a pitch that I have no idea what it was because I only saw the windup and then the result, but that's a good sign. I was worried about Slowey a bit because any time you miss as much time as he did I worry about rust a bit.
9:27 - So that would be back to back hits now by Fatbreau and Torii. I take it back.
9:30 - I think he got out of it. I can't tell because the feed froze. Whoever is after Matsui either popped out to Hardy or Hardy couldn't get quite get back there and Span was being not Gomez and couldn't get up there and it fell. And nevermind he caught it. I'm going to try to find another feed because this is a nightmare. And not like the new one with Kelly Leak, I mean more like Robert Englund.
9:33 - Thome again? He better not be playing for Kubel again.
9:34 - Thome walks and here comes Kubel. Sorry Delmon. And it's about time for Kubel to get a god damn hit already. It's not like he's Denard Span.
9:35 - God Kubel sucks.
9:44 - I was poking around for a different feed, which I didn't at all find, and now I come back and it's 1-0 Angels? What happened? God it's like Slowey just hates me. And also we're still watching Viewmaster style. Actually I think it's more like a flip book.
9:50 - Span grounds one back to the pitcher to officially move to 1-14 on the season. What's the deal here? Gomez gets traded, Span gets a fat contract, and suddenly he's like a big fat cat sitting on top of a swimming pool full of money? God I miss Gomez. At least he's a gamer.
9:57 - Slowey walks Torii Hunter. Isn't that kind of like some kind of reverse unstoppable force meets immovable object kind of thing?
9:58 - Hideki Matsui's eyes are really doing nothing to dispel stereotypes.
10:06 - Ok I'm on to an actual television now. We just stared the top of the fourth and it's 1-0 Angels. I can't believe they haven't scored off of Piniero yet. That guy always has a four+ run inning in him, you just have to crack the shell so it comes oozing out.
10:09 - Another 1-2-3 inning as the Twins go down meekly like a tentative high school kid. This is getting embarrassing. It's Joel Piniero for christ's sake. I'd be really upset right now but I'm seeing Clash of the Titans tomorrow so really nothing can bring me down. Also we're having a son. That too. That is also important.
10:17 - Slowey sets them down 1-2-3. I'm either going to have to get more entertaining or this game is going to have to get more interesting. Hope for the game, I think.
10:20 - Thome with a double, leaving Kubel as the only Twin without a hit this year I assume without looking anything up, not counting that fake catcher guy. And there you go, game-tying run-scoring single by Kubes, which is also worth 2 fantasy points. Our team is so good.
10:22 - Hardy, with 2 homers already this year, is ordered to bunt. Jesus christ Gardenhire, you have an actual offense this year. I know you're used to having a bunch of Matt Tolbert's in the lineup and you have to scratch and claw for every run you can get, but not this year. Just chill out, sit back, and let the Hardy boy mash like he wants
10:23 - Mama W just described Hardy as "cute."
10:26 - Holy F Brendan Harris just destroyed the ball, and the Twins are up 3-1. Can we please, please, please start Harris at 3B more than once a week? I know he never slides into first and isn't some minority scrappy guy but he's a much better hitter than Punto and doesn't exactly suck defensively. Stop being retarded, Gardy. You know you need more Harris in your life.
10:29 - Hudson reaches on error which is apparently his best shot at getting on base. He's been bad at the plate and his defense has been less than impressive as well. Since I believe you can easily make blanket judgments about the entire season after just four days, I'm going to go ahead and say this guy sucks.
10:46 - Massive computer problems kept me off of here for the past 17 minutes. I saw some things in the game I was going to comment on but now meh and also I can't really remember. Instead I will let you know that Matt Wieters (a rich man's Joe Mauer) did not hit a home run tonight, instead electing to go 2-4 with an RBI and a run scored. I don't know why that's all he did, and you don't either, but who are we to question his plan?
10:49 - Kubel got out again. How odd.
10:50 - I'm lame. I'm too tired to keep going. I've stayed up for all three games, and with early rise times I'm just plain tuckered, so it's either keep drinking or go to bed. As much as I'd like to keep drinking, it turns out they frown upon employees who show up reeking of vodka, so it's probably in my best interests to pass. Don't judge me, I'm old. Plus I have little Optimus Prime on the way, so I need to save up my strength now.