Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Tuesday Talkings

I know you're wondering if this blog is dead.  It's not, I promise.  I've just been really busy.  What with work, heading to the cabin, kids' stuff, and my wife currently reading 50 Shades of Grey, I just am having trouble finding time to blog anything.  And there isn't exactly any motivation either.  Look at the Twins.  They're terrible, and the Gophers don't play for like, 100 years.  I don't know.  But I haven't been following any sports too closely the last few days/weeks, so let me look around and see if I see anything interesting. And I better hurry too, because it looks like Mrs. W is cracking the book open again.

- Because right now I can't possibly summon the will to blog about the Twins but I know I should at least try to start with something local I suppose we could discuss the Vikings' NFL draft.  Obviously everyone knew Kalil was the guy the whole time and the Vikings did quite well to get three extra picks to move down a spot and still get their guy, especially because it turns out nobody else was remotely interested in moving down to that spot so suck it Cleveland.  That safety they moved up to get at the end of the second round sounds pretty cool too since I heard somebody say there were really only two good safeties and they moved up to get one of them.

As far as the draft after that I am willing to admit I don't have a clue and if you know a whole lot about the rest of who they picked you should be embarrassed.  Seriously, anybody who watched more than the first round of that garbage should be forced to take a class on not being a moron.  I bet you're the kind of guy who watched the 3-hour show on ESPN the day the NFL schedule was released.  Seriously you people and your football.  As Jessie Spano once said, "who wants to watch a bunch of barbarians kicking each other's butts"?  Ok I'm not quite there because I enjoy watching football, but the obsession in this country makes me realize why Nickelback and Olive Garden are so popular.  Oh, and blood sausage.  People like blood sausage.

Seriously, people are morons.  Why do you think they end up making money at the end of Field of Dreams?  Because people get in their cars and drive to Iowa without knowing why to pay money to stare at a ball field full of players they can't see?  Everyone always says the ending of that movie (wanna have a catch?) is so great but it just pisses me off.

-  NBA Playoffs are up and running and since that's the best time to watch the NBA I might as well comment, even though we're only a couple games into round 1.  And obviously it's super lame with the Dwight Howard fake back injury and the Derrick Rose ACL because the Heat are going to just waltz into the Finals.  You can try to talk yourself into the Celtics, especially if you're Bill Simmons, but it's looking like they're going to struggle to even get past the Hawks and I just don't see them mounting any serious challenge to the Heat, nor anyone else in the East.  Which I guess is good in a way, because what's better than rooting against a villain?  There's something very satisfying about watching LeBron make it to the finals again and lose.

Who will he be playing is the question?  Going into the playoffs I'd have said Oklahoma City and I don't see any reason to change that prediction.  I'm not ready to say they're ready to be the champs quite yet but going against the defending champs and winning a couple of close games is the way to get there, even if the defending champs don't have Tyson Chandler anymore who is a complete stud pimp.  But really I can see any team other than the Jazz ending up coming out of the West.

The Nuggets would probably be the least likely and it'll be tough for them to get past the Lakers, but Ty Lawson is all crazy good now all of a sudden and this late season emergence of Kenneth Faried make them interesting (and am I the only one who finds "Manimal" a little bit racist?  Anyone?  No?  Let me guess you think the gorillas in the barnyard weren't racist either.)   Every other team at least has a shot, and the Spurs have the #1 seed, a collection of second round picks, and are supposedly the favorite but that just seems weird because Tim Duncan is a hundred years old and kind of a poofer.  I almost feel like I'm going to have to root for the Lakers because I don't know who else can beat the Heat.  But what if the Heat played the Lakers?  Who would I root for?  It would be like choosing between my two kids.  Actually, do you have two kids under the age of 4?  Because I'm totally lying, it would be almost exactly like picking between my two kids.

-  I just did 36 push-ups.  Suck it.

-  Who grounds out to second base more than Mauer?  Nobody, that's who.  Is there a way to look this up?  I'd do it but I'm running out of time.

-  Seriously question though, do you think when Marky Mark goes home for like, Thanksgiving dinner he just teases the shit out of Donnie?  I mean really?  Rizzoli and Isles? Blue Bloods?  Zookeeper for fucks sake?  Those are the last three things on his imdb list.  When Marky makes a bad flick it's something like  Contrabrand (made $66 million) or Date Night ($98m) which at least makes money, and he's getting nominated for awards along the way.  Donnie was just in a TV movie with Brian Dennehy who I'm pretty sure is dead.  Really, I bet when they get together for Christmas everybody gets drunk and Mark starts wadding up and throwing hundred dollar bills at Donnie's head and at first Donnie wants to fight but then he realizes if he keeps sitting there and taking it eventually he's going to get his rent paid so he just takes it and then he ends up making Marky Mark a sandwich.

-  Gotta go

24 comments:

TRE said...

Hilarious as always, but my girlfriend (beyoncee) has a rebuttal to your Marky Mark vs. Donnie Saw Walberg paragraph. Also, she says it would be better if this were a recording of her voice. I can't disagree because it's very loud and screechy.

Here she goes:

"Blue Bloods, that's huge. Ransom, hellooo? I was at the last New Kids concert, like in 2011, and 3.5 million females and gays that love that Donnie. So, I'm sure he made like, $20M. Also, he's better looking. Also, he doesn't need to produce a stupid show that's supposedly about him, because that's just dumb. He wishes it happened that way, it's too vain."

TRE question: Who has the bigger weiner?

PV: Donnie. Also I once mailed him a black and gold bracelet so we're pretty much bff.

S. Lee said...

Seriously, you're an idiot! How is "Manimal" even remotely racist? I love nitwits, like you, that have to constantly show us how enlightened they are by pointing to any subject/issue/random thing, involving a black person, and deeming it racist. Black kids not allowed to attend the same public school that white kids are allowed, is racist, "Manimal" isn't. Get a clue!

Which is more racist, 3 stupid 18 year old kids dressing up in gorilla costumes to attend a college basketball game or the middle-aged "intellectual" that instinctively thinks that said idiots are the racists, because everybody knows, monkeys = black people? Get a clue, again!

Bruce Lee said...

S.Lee- dressing up like a monkey/ gorilla and putting on a basketball jersey at a sporting event played by predominantly black athletes doesn't come off as a bit racist? Yes, I understand the fucking idiots wearing the costumes most likely are just idiots and not KKK members, but you think one of them would have stopped and thought "this might not look very good".

The answer to your question, dressing up like a monkey is WAY more racist. Your an idiot if you disagree and most likely a racist. Bigot!

Plus, WWWWW hates all things not white. For him to think something looks racist means it most likely is. WWWWW knows his racism.

Usedtobecool Guy said...

This blog used to be cool.

Marquis de Sade said...

Go get 'er, tiger.

Loretta8 said...

This used to be an excellent comment section back in the days of SSF. She would never have allowed the discussion to turn to penis size and racism.

SSF for President!

WWWWWW said...

I didn't read the rant by S. Lee I just skimmed it, but this part caught my eye, "because everybody knows, monkeys = black people" and let me just say I think that's despicable. If there was a way to ban you from this blog I would.

Also I agree with Loretta8. I miss SSF like the deserts miss the rain.

D.hakstol said...

Loretta, she would have turned into racism. I am sure she is busy cramming as many UND Hockey cranks into her mouth as possible since its the off season. She will be back once preseason starts in october.

SSF said...

Bahahahhaa.....
1.Debating penis size with these jerk off's is irrelevant since they are all stacked like a 3 year old little boy.

2. I can literally fit 17 Sioux hockey players cranks in my mouth at one time.

3. I enjoy racism

WWWWWW said...

Welcome back. You've been missed.

SSF said...

Well, I learned to write in some what proper sentences so I really haven't had a reason to be here.

Ps. I REALLY enjoy racism.

Loretta8 said...

Speaking of racism, SSF, what are your thoughts on the upcoming Presidential election? I will of course be voting for you as a write-in candidate, but who would you choose, Obama or Romney?

Your biggest fan,

Loretta8

D. Majerle said...

I know for a fact that a person dressed up as a gorilla and wearing a basketball jersey has everything to do with racism!

Bear (White, but unlike W, I have no problems w/ Black) said...

Seriously, how is Manimal racist? And, have you morons never heard of the Phoenix Suns Gorilla? It's not like the gorilla suit is not synonymous with that BASKETBALL mascot.

SSF said...

bahahaha Loretta8...you are fucking hilarious. I am behind Obama all the way..I LOVE black people...they are funnier than us and can run MUCH faster. Double threat.

Black Snake said...

WWWWWW, Can Faried be racist against himself???? He came up with name "manimal". So are you telling us Faried is kind of like the Black KKK character from the Chappelle Show? You are an idiot! Stick to sports and save the social commentary for the people without spoilers on their car.

P.S. The Gorilla's in the barnyard are racists! So is that fucking dunking ape in Phoenix!

P.S.S. SSF can you even vote? I thought Felons where not allowed? Suck it!

t. hunter said...

black snake sounds like a pretty racist handle to me. and perverted.


p.s. W's new car doesn't have a spoiler

p.p.s It is a honda though, so you know it is just waiting to get tricked out

SSF said...

I only got misdemeanors on my record black snake...mostly for getting hammered and beating bitches asses. True story. They were ALL white though so racism doesn't play in here. Oh wait....there was one hispanic girl...

Loretta8 said...

Reports that my girl SSF is felonious were erroneous

WWWWWW said...

Can Faried be racist against himself? Every hear of black on black crime? Same thing.

Spoiler-free since November!

White Bear said...

What kind of dipshit buys a sporty Honda and doesn't have a spoiler put on it? Spoilers are for little sporty cars and race cars. Wake up, man!

Jungle Fever Snake said...

WWWWWWWW, Once you have owned a spoiler you are always a spoiler guy. your like an alcoholic who thinks he can hang out bar. sooner or later the alcoholic is going to drink. Just like someday that Honda will be tricked out with a spoiler. You can't resist that sexy look!

Anonymous said...

Are the little bitches you beat up your live in babies daddy? Minus the Mexican who obviously got lost and ended up in ND.

Bear said...

Steve Kerr just said that Faried is energetic and athletic, but not necessarily the most skilled. Now even though this is true, he's not supposed to say it because it sounds racist, right?