God damn it.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Delmon Young. No joke guys, I think we've reached the point where Delmoney is absolutely carrying this team. In terms of the batters, that is, since really Pavariano is the combo that's really getting it done. But batting-wise ever since that Canadian fella whacked his head like Billy-Bob, Delmon has become the man. He's basically the third best hitter on the team this year, and that is only if you count Thome. He's locked in the way Mauer was last year and Morenau was most of this year.
And he even made a play on Saturday night where he sprinted into the corner to catch a fly ball and then tossed out Miguel Tejada tagging (inexplicably) from first to second. I'm starting to think something special is happenign. Perhaps the best sign is what's coming out of the clubhouse from Gardy, Thome, and other teammates. I know it's basically their job to blow smoke up the media and fan's collective ass, but last year you never heard anything positive about Delmon off the field (or on, for that matter) so even the faintest praise is a pretty positive sign. And in this case the praise is flowing like the salmon to Capistrano, so we may very well have a monster breaking out here.
2. Miguel Cabrera. Speaking of people who are overshadowing the advillian-challenged Morneau, Cabrera pretty much has the AL MVP wrapped up and we aren't even to August yet, and he killed pitchers again this week. 13-27 this week with 9 RBI, and he's now hitting .348/.421/.650 on the year, and is now first in slugging and second in OBP and AVG in all of baseball, and on top of that is third in home runs and first in RBI. So he's basically doing what Joe Mauer did last year, but add in a possible triple crown. Just a tremendous season so far. I hope he hits Dan Haren in the face with a line drive.
3. Kelly Johnson. He hit for the cycle, which would be way more exciting but I know pretty much nothing about him. I know he's a Diamondback and used to be a Brave, and I know he's a second baseman. Does he play any other positions? I don't know. Does he hit .220 or .320? Is he a 5 HR hitter or a 25 HR hitter? Does he steal 3 bases or 60? These are all answered with a shrug and a self-deprecating yet charming smirk. So congrats on your cycle Kelly. You've got a hell of a legacy going on here. I hope you enjoy playing with the crap the Angels gave away to steal sexy Dan Haren away from you.
4. Danny Valencia. I still think he's probably a slap-hitting nancy girl, but I've been noticing that a lot of his hits lately are more of the line drive variety than the bloop/seeing eye grounder variety. He put together back-to-back 3-for-5 games over the weekend, and he's now hitting .346/.398/.395 for the year, and if that was over an entire season thus far he would rank as the fifth best third baseman (OPS-wise) in the American League behind Adrian Beltre (wait, what?), Evan Longoria, A-Rod, and Michael Young. Is he that good? No, certainly not, and with a a slugging percentage lower than his OBP he is definitely a slap-hitting Judy, but still I feel slightly impressed. He'd be a much better prospect to give the Diamondbacks than what the craptastic Halos gave for Haren, and not nearly good enough that they'd actually miss him. Nice work, jackasses.
5. Dan Haren. He gets to pitch for a contender and gets to stay on the West Coast, the two things he said he wanted. Well played, Haren. Well played indeed. Of course, he also said that going to a contender was the most important thing, and that he simply preferred to stay on the West Coast. The Twins are a contender, allegedly, and would have been a good landing place. This sucks.
1. Twins. I know they could have come up with a better offer than what the Angels gave for Haren. I know they could have, because the offer the Angels put together was Joe Saunders, two middling prospects and a player to be named later. I plan to look at this further, but for right now my first reaction is that this is a bunch of crap, and they were too pussy to put a real offer out there. Seriously, this was the year to make a move like this. The lineup is going to be worse next year. Right now they have Hudson (when he's not hurt), Hardy (when he's not hurt), and Thome and next year they are going to end up going back to Tolbert, Casilla, and Harris. Bank on it. This was the time to make the move. And if it didn't work out, Haren would still have trade value and they could flip him next year or two year's from now if needed. Just a bullshit chicken-shit move. Enough already with the small market bullshit. Maybe I'm ungrateful, but I'm sick of scratching by to win the division and getting run right out of the playoffs. Make a move already. God I'm emotional right now. This must be what women feel like all the time.
2. Diamondbacks. I'm too sleepy to look it all up, but over and over and over again the Arizona brain trust, and I mean that the same way people refer to David Kahn as the T-Wolves brain trust, said they would have to be blown away by an offer and that this wouldn't be a "salary dump." Well guess what, assholes? This was a straight salary dump. They got a mediocre left-handed starter, a B prospect, a C prospect, and a nothing prospect. Basically equivalent to a Twins offer of Slowey, Jesse Crain, Adrian Salcedo, and Matt Bashore. Who? Exactly. The Twins could have bettered that offer with minimal effort and minimal affect on the overall minor league system. Awesome. Just awesome.
3. Paul Casey. Here is the list of golfers who ranked higher than Paul Casey on the World Golf Rankings who played with him at the FBR Open in Canada this weekend:
Yep, nobody. And yet, Mr. #8 in the world couldn't be bothered to make the cut. Of course, neither did Sean O'Hair, Scott Verplank, Fred Couples, or Mike Weir, leading to a thrilling Sunday showdown between Carl "The Swedish Boss Hog" Petterson and Dean "Can't tell if he's Asian or not" Wilson. This is where I would tell you who won, but you don't care and it doesn't matter. And also I don't actually know because I didn't watch. I was too busy crying.
4. David Ortiz. I somehow found myself watching the Boston/Seattle game Friday night, even though I didn't have money on it and had zero fantasy players involved. No, I have no idea what I was doing there. Not really the point, Tito. The point is that with one out and the bases loaded in the top of the sixth in a 1-1 game, David Ortiz was picked off of third base. And not by the pitcher on something weird, by the catcher. And not by the catcher on a blocked ball in the dirt. It was on a set play by the Mariners where the pitch was outside and the third basemen broke to cover and the catcher winged it down there as soon as he caught it. Which tells me that it wasn't an isolated incident, but Ortiz was getting way too far off the base regularly. Seriously where exactly was he going? Where did David Ortiz think he was going? Was he going to steal home? Score on a ball in the dirt? What could he have possibly had running through his head? I can't decide if this is more Lew Ford or more Denard Span. Maybe it's more Bill Smith. You know, screwing something easy and simple and obvious up beyond all repair.
5. Life. You win again. I feel like WonderbabyTM when she met Santa.
Apologies to Rickie Weeks who probably deserved a spot in the Awesome column, but I had to give props to Danny Haren instead. It's been a long time since I've had my heart broken like this. I need to go drown my sorrows in alcohol and tears. Maybe a nice bundt cake.