Here are Joe Mauer's numbers going into tonight: .300 avg, .378 OBP, .428 slugging, 3 HRs, 34 RBI.
Sound at all familiar. It should. Let's extrapolate those numbers to the rest of the season, and then compare them against a prominent catcher from the team's past:
Yes, that's right. Your precious Joe Mauer's is putting up nearly identical numbers to Brian Harper's 162-game averages while he was a Twin, only with less power and more walks.
The Twins have committed $23 million a year to Brian Harper with chicken-arms. And sadly, that $23 mil is more than the real Brian Harper made in his entire career (best season = $2.5 mil).
Not only that, but he gave the world two amazing gifts:
1. His only begotten son, Bryce, a blessed deity inhabiting a human body, who was sent to the Washington Nationals to lead them out of the shadow of satan (Cristian Guzman).
2. That sweet stache.
So really, who should be making the $23 million here?
This nerd:
Or this obvious lady-killer:
Choose Wisely.
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7 comments:
A. If you are extrapolating you need to take Mauer's 162 game average for his career versus Harper's stats as a Twin for a true(r) comparison.
.325 .406 .478 16 91
B. Brian Harper is not the father of Bryce Harper.
A. It's Mauer this season versus Harper's Twins' averages. Mauer has definitely been better over his career, but so far this year he's a girly-armed version of Harper.
B. I think you're wrong.
Cristian Guzman is NOT Satan. Surely, you know that at best, he is only one of Satan's many henchmen.
I am advocating for Used-to-be-Joltin'-Joe to grow a 'stache that, with a lot of Rogaine and some rockstar barbering, will eventually join forces with the sideburns. This will, in a Samson-like fashion, cause him to hit into less double plays and develop "warning track power."
I'm an idiot.
You're the man now, dog!
Mauer with a stache of Brian Harper levels would be too good. Selig would never allow it.
And we now have the first ever Finding Forrester reference on DWG....
Brian Harper really CAN do anything.
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