Twinkies v. Angels

I'm watching some show right now, and they are talking about some restaurant in Texas whose specialty is Chicken-friend bacon. Dear lord. I mean, you'd probably have a heart attack if you ate it twice in a year, but damn I bet that's tasty. Also, Texas is weird.

Also, guess who I'm friends with on Facebook now? The one. The only. The man, the myth, the legend: Rico Tucker. Sweet, sweet validation. Although his motto or whatever you call it is, "Rico Tucker is GRINDIN until he's tired, cause they say YOU AINT GRINDIN UNTIL YOU TIRED! Lookin to find a way thru the day, a Light for the night!". I don't really get it, but I'm old and white. And pretty much a square.

Anywhere, here we go, Twins/Angels. Yes, there's beer involved.

- I refuse to believe a guy named Joe Saunders can be a legit Cy Young candidate. Why not just give it to Pete Smith. Hey, Alexi is back. That's good news. The less Punto the better. Despite what I wrote that one other time. I'd link it, but I don't want to do all your work for you.

- Did I ever tell you about how my family won a trip to Texas to watch a four-game Twins series against the Rangers in 1987? And to make it even better for my 10-year old self, the Twins were on the same flight to Texas that we were. So we ran around with our baseball cards getting them signed. Kirby Puckett, Kent Hrbek, Gary Gaetti, and Tom Brunansky were all cool. Bert Blyleven has absolutely the nicest guy in the history of ever, taking time out of his day to help us out once we got to the Dallas Airport. Jeff Reardon was a total dick, and when he got arrested for bank robbery I was ecstatically happy. Way to go asshole! Maybe if you weren't suck a dick to two little kids who worshipped you, Karma wouldn't have made you a crazy retard who robs banks. Or you could have gotten away with it.

- Lexi is a really stupid name for a boy or a girl.

- Three freaking fantasy drafts this coming week. God I'm such a loser.

- I asked Mrs. W how she thought you'd pronounce Chone Figgins first name, and I got, "Chone? Cone? Hone? Onee? Idiotface?" I think it's safe to say if nobody can figure out how to pronounce your first name you should probably do something about that. Like, change it to Shawn. Or Shawon. Or Sean. Whatever. Fix it, jerk.

- Remember Domanick Davis?

- Do you ever wonder if guys like Vlad Guerrero or Kirby Puckett would be better if they had any semblance of an idea of the strike zone? I mean, on the one hand, if they were more disciplined it would cut down on their aggressiveness. Bu ton the other hand, that's a stupid argument and anyone making it should probably watch the olympics instead of baseball. Of COURSE they'd be better if they stopped swinging at pitches that were outside the strike zone. It's common sense, idiot.

- I love Ruiz hitting fifth here, since he's in for Kubel. Gardy is so predictable. Can't mess up the rest of the lineup. La la la. Oh crap, Punto is in anyway? And he's hitting seventh now? WTF? How horrible are you if you're Gomez and Everett? I almost miss Augie Ojeda.

- Dick just said, "It's so nice to see Gomez going the other way." Is that some kind of gay crack?

- Ha. Gay crack.

- Does anybody else think it's possible that Carlos Gomez is kind of retarded? It's like he gets out there and runs around like he's a little special. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but I think he should consider seeing a doctor. Just to be safe.

- Another Delmon Young homerun. Is he coming on? Is this what we've been waiting for? He just drove the crap out of that ball deep to right-center and gave it a Manny Ramirez like homerun stare. How awesome would it be if he finds his power stroke finally? Especially with how good Matt Garza has been (10-7, 3.71 ERA, 1.23 WHIP - 2 shutouts).

- Ok, Span is dumb too. At least he can hit. An OBP over .400 and OPS+ of 133 over 233 plate appearances mean I don't think it's a fluke. His linedrive % of 26% is off the charts good, and will probably regress - I mean it pretty much has to - but it shows the dude can hit. He's second on the team behind just Brian Buscher, who is at an incredible 30% (that would be first in all of MLB if he had enough at bats).

- You know who's hot? A.J. Cook. See, look:


- Remember Garrett Anderson? He was really good before roids became illegal. He's no Garrett Atkins. or Garrett Stephenson. Hey, did you see Alex Stepheson, formerly of North Carolina, is transferring to USC? He was ranked #41 as an incoming freshman, so it's a pretty good get for the Trojans. He's petitioning to be eligible this year - and might get it due to his dad's illness. If he does, he and Demar Derozan will form quite the frontcourt. Reminiscent of the Coleman/Tollackson frontcourts of the mid 00s.

- FYI - the US lost to Cuba in the semi-finals of the Olympic tournament, meaning they can win at best the bronze if they can knock of Japan in the third place game - which happens to be going on right now. If you want to read some really stupid stuff, just poke around and people having a fit about the loss and saying that MLB should have found a way to send the best players to the Olympics. There's no way MLB would even be ok with this anyway, and there's no way they're okaying a two week suspension of play during the olympics - nor should they. The World Baseball Classic doesn't even get the best players. And the whole thing is irrelevant anyway because this is the last Olympics where baseball will be a sport - for now. So shutup Keith Law.

- Brendan Donnelly doesn't pitch for Anaheim anymore but I know for a fact he once got grabs from banging some minor league groupie on a balcony of a team house. Word.

- Span homerun to make it 8-0. That should do it, even with this shitbox bullpen. I'm calling it a night. If I wake up tomorrow and the Twins' lost, I'm going to hunt you down.