Monday, May 19, 2008

Bloody Hell

Alright, so I’m on my way out to New Jersey for three nights, and I’m currently sitting in first class and already a bit sauced. My flight was delayed, so I hit up O’Gara’s in the F concourse – which I think is a real bar somewhere that cool people who aren’t me go in real life. Well, they had a thing where if you get a beer, you get a free shot. So, of course, I went with a little Jameson. Twice. Then, as I’m ready to board, my name is called and guess what? Upgraded to first class. I’m on my second Miller Lite, with likely more to come, and I have nothing to do once I get to Jersey except sleep and/or drink more until the morning. Now, granted, this is my first trip with co-workers here at the new job, so I should probably be responsible, but F-that. So, with a little luck, I’ll be good and schnockered and I can actually write an entertaining post.

I’d like to start by mentioning this jackass next to me here in first class. Did I mention I’m in first class? Have you never been? Well, I’m better than you, so that’s why. Anyway, there are two kinds of people who fly first class. The first, like myself, consider themselves very lucky to be there, and are very happy and respectful to be there. Also, we take advantage of the free drinks. The second kind, like assface mcgillicutty next me, feel all entitled and are assholes. Let’s see: faggy leg crossed style of sitting that takes up the whole wide row so when I have to get up it’s a huge production – check. Acting super annoyed at said production – check. Not turning off his phone nor ipod when he’s supposed to and waiting until asked twice – check. Putting his stupid diet coke in the middle table thing we’re supposed to share and not moving it even after I sit down and have a beer with no place to put it – check. Just overall looking like a smug asshole who I want to hit in the face – check.

So I’m already annoyed, even though I have a first class seat. Did I also mention they just brought the free snack tray around, and he took not one, not two, not three, but four things out of it? Yeah, it’s free and all, but jesus Christ dude, try to have a little self control. It also annoys me that MS Word just automatically capitalized Christ. If I wanted to capitalize it, I would have done it myself. It’s a sad day when the religious right takes over our computers. Anyway, that’s my big airplane rant, hopefully this is followed up about three and a half hours later by a post from my hotel room.

EDIT – They’re bringing me beer faster than I even want it. Being awesome is awesome. Also wanted to add than captain asshat next to me just went to the bathroom for about ten minutes and just sat back down and the stench has followed him. Seriously, he smells like Baby W after a particularly nasty diaper load. Just nasty. I’m going to need another beer just to handle this.

Ok, so I'm back. The bad news: due to co-worker incompetence, hotel ineptitude, and no rental car, I have no beer at all. The good news: none.

So glad the Spurs beat the Hornets. We're totally heading towards another Spurs/Pistons final and the death of the NBA. The good news is, if my baby gets all cranky and not sleepy, I can make her watch one of these finals games and she'll be out like a light.

Please also read the Sidler's post below this one. He's much smarter than you, and you could probably learn something. Hopefully drunken posting to come


bogart said...

I only fly first class - and always act just like the guy next to you.

Bear said...

Is anyone else worried about W? Usually W's brilliance, albeit minimal, shines brightly when he visits the Garden State, a lot of booze and a little ESPN creates an extremely entertaining W.

Unfortunately, we didn't hear from him last night and I, for one, am worried. I have this image seared into my mind of W passed out in the alley of some Hoboken hotel, lying there in his boxers and t-shirt, with his jeans around his ankles, a syringe stuck in his left arm, and a 14 year old Thai hooker wrapped under his right. She's got white powder all over her nose and upper lip, and W has the remnants of what was once a perfect white line, smeared all over his belly.

I hope I'm wrong. Maybe, W realized that he is now a family man and just decided to call it an early night. But I fear that my initial thoughts aren't far off.

Godspeed, W!

matt said...

It appears he's dead, just like his blog.