Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Gopher basketball. Any time you go 2-0 in a Big Ten week it’s a success, and particularly when you win one on the road and have a no-doubter in your home game, in this case with yesterday’s 79-59 win over Penn State. It was very clear the Gophers were the better team, and they took it to the Nittany Lions all day. You could point out that the Gophers were fortunate to get some hot shooting after going 9-9 from three and shooting 63% for the game, but you’d be stupid. Penn State pretty much let Minnesota do whatever they wanted all game, and the high shooting percentages were more a function of getting wide open shots than any kind of luck. The heroes yesterday were definitely Devron Bostick, Paul Carter, and Ralph Sampson.

With Colt Iverson battling foul trouble and seemingly having the Penn State forwards in his head, Sampson stepped in and played nearly the entire second half – or at least until the game was no longer in doubt – and played well. He scored ten and blocked three shots. You can see his confidence growing week by week, and his game is improving along with it. For Carter this was his best game as a Gopher, although I swear I’ve written that at least once before. He scored 14, and showed a lot of skill, between his outside shooting and his ability to get to the rim he is a threat to go off any time. The breakout star of the game was no doubt Devron Bostick, who exploded for a career-high 19 points and finally showed why he was the JuCo player of the year last season. He showed the ability to score, both with is outside shot (2-2 from three) and with a variety of moves to the basket, including a nice little floater. My only complaint that was when he was red-hot in the first half, he never took a heat check. Honest to god he could have chucked one up from forty feet and I think the crowd would have been down with it.

This win moves the Gophers to 3-1 in the Big Ten, and sets up a really nice showdown with the Badgers, also 3-1, on Thursday. Bogart, Dawger, and I will all be in attendance in Madison, hopefully getting the Gophers to 4-1 through sheer force of will.

2. Marquette basketball. The NCAA tournament hasn’t been kind to the Golden Eagles since their incredible trio of guards arrived three years ago, as they’ve been bounced in the first round twice and in the second round once in the last three seasons. This year, however, might be different as Jerel McNeal, Wes Matthews, and Dominic James have the team off to a flying start now in their senior season at 4-0 in the Big East after kicking the crap out of a very good West Virginia team 75-53 on Saturday. The three guards continue to do their thing, combining for just shy of 50 points per game with Matthews fourth in the Big East at 18.9, McNeal sixth at 18.6, and James fourth in the conference in assists at 5.2 per game. The difference maker, however, might be 6-6 junior forward Lazar Hayward, who has taken his game to another level this season. The three guards have never had much help inside, but Hayward’s 16 points and 8.5 rebounds per game have changed that this season, and the Golden Eagles have another dimension to their team that makes them very dangerous this year.

3. Michigan State basketball. It seems like I put Michigan State here every week, but when you’re as consistently awesome as the Spartans that’ll happen. A pretty good week here once again for MSU, beating Ohio State 67-58 on Tuesday and putting Kansas in their place by smoking them 75-62 this weekend. Kalin Lucas once again led the way, breaking twenty points in each game. Snacks recently told me he thinks the Spartans are a final four team, and it’s getting more and more difficult to disagree; they’re loaded. I don’t see them losing more than two Big Ten games this year, so they should end up around 26-4 and be in line for a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament, wher they’d probably end up at the Metrodome for the first two rounds. If they manage to get to the Final Four they will have a hell of an advantage, because it’s at Ford Field in Detroit this year.

4. Cal basketball. With Arkansas's loss to Mississippi State over the weekend, more on that later, Cal becomes the most surprising team in basketball. After losing superstar Ryan Anderson and NBA pick DeVon, it looked to be a pretty down year for the Golden Bears. It hasn't turned out that way, however, as Cal is sitting at 15-2 on the year, including 4-0 in the Pac 10 after sweeping the Washington schools on the road over the weekend. That follows up last weekend when they had home games against the Arizona teams and beat them both as well. They are doing it with a very efficient offense, ranking 10th in the country in offensive efficiency. Point guard Jerome Randle is leading the way, averaging 19 points and 5 assists per game while shooting 52%, a huge number for a guard. With non-conference wins over UNLV, DePaul, Utah, and Nevada, the Golden Bears are definitely in a good position for a bid to the Big Dance, despite being picked to finish in the bottom half of the Pac.

5. Clemson & Wake Forest basketball. Both these teams deserve their own entry, but I’m running out of room here so deal. UNC and Duke have pretty much dominated the ACC for years, but this season they have some legit competition at the top. Clemson is currently 16-0, and although that seems to be fairly commonplace with them, this year looks like it might be different and their may be no collapse. Their last two victories are good ones, over Alabama and NC State, and the non-conference wins at Illinois and TCU look like they will be big ones, not to mention the win @ Miami earlier in conference play. Wake is also undefeated at 14-0 following their big win last night over suddenly looking overrated North Carolina, who is 1-2 in their last three. Jeff Teague is looking like a monster, averaging over 20 points per game to go with 4 rebounds, 4 assists, and two steals and has scored over 30 points in their last two wins, both huge ones over UNC and at BYU. With three other double-digit scorers on the team as well, the Deacons are looking loaded.


WHO SUCKED


1. Arkansas basketball. I was all set to type up the Razorbacks as being awesome for a second consecutive week after they followed up last week’s win over #4 Oklahoma with a win over #7 Texas on Tuesday, but then on Saturday they opened SEC play with a 56-70 loss to mediocre Mississippi State at home. Pretty much destroyed all that momentum they built with those two big wins, and must have Arkansas fans scratching their heads. As a team the Razorbacks shot like crap, going just 3-22 from three, and freshman point guard Courtney Fortson proved that you can’t trust a floppy haired point guard with a girls name by putting up the worst game of his career. He shot just 2-13, including 0-5 from beyond the arc, and turned it over 4 times to go with just 4 assists and 3 rebounds – both below his season averages. So what’s up with Arkansas? I don’t know, but two road games (Ole Miss and Florida) this week will go a long way towards telling us.

2. Home favorites in the NFL (other than Pittsburgh). Tennessee, Carolina, and the NY Giants were all home favorites in the playoffs this weekend, and all not only lost but played like total crap. The Titans turned the ball over 3 times and had 3 other fumbles they managed to recover themselves in losing to the Ravens, the Panthers turned it over six times, including a very impressive five interceptions by Jake Delhomme, and the Giants turned it over three times and managed less than 170 passing yards. Just ugly by those three. Although I will say that Arizona looks very, very good all of a sudden. It appears their late season swoon was likely just coasting and resting until the playoffs, not suddenly becoming a bad football team. And Larry Fitzgerald is just sick. I'm pulling for an Arizona Super Bowl, and I don't really care who comes out of the AFC because both teams are boring as hell.

3. Boston College basketball. After pulling off the biggest upset of the year last week by winning at North Carolina, the Eagles rocketing from afterthought all the way to #17 in the country. Well, that won't be lasting very long, thanks to an 0-2 week that included a home loss to Harvard followed up by another home loss to Miami. It's no real secret that Tyrese Rice is the key for BC, and both Harvard and Miami were able to hold him down, leading to the losses. Rice only had 3 points with four minutes to go against Harvard until a late flurry got him to 14, and against Miami he shot 6-18, including 3-12 from three. I don't know if this means they are bad, but they are certainly a tough team to figure out.

4. College Football. I know, I know, everyone thinks so but I have to say it again, college football’s national championship is so meaningless. It just doesn’t make sense to me how they can run the system this way and call Florida the National Champion after beating Oklahoma when Texas, USC, and Utah all have just as legitimate of a claim to being the best team. I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time here, since if you want to read someone crying over this you can pretty much just hit any sports site on the web, but it’s pretty freaking stupid. If you know someone who tries to defend this crap by saying “but every game is like a playoff game” you should kick him in the cubes.

5. Gopher hockey. I don’t know much about puck, but I do know that when you play your biggest rival and don’t even put up a fight and get swept 6-3 and 6-1, you sucked pretty hard and should be plenty embarrassed. I have no doubt Mama Dawger will be weighing in with her opinion soon.

If you want to know

If you want to know what Snacks is like he's pretty much Nic Cage's character in Leaving Las Vegas

Penn Stater Hater

It's currently Friday night and I've had about eleventeen vodka/cranberries (with lime) and since I'm a bigger loser than even Mama Dawger and am sitting at home, I figured I might as well do the Gopher/Penn State preview.

The first thing you need to realize is that there is some actual worry here. Coming off the worst game in Gopher history that somehow resulted in a win, could the Gophers be vulnerable? Penn State is 2-1 in the conference, with wins over Northwestern and Purdue, with their only loss being a road loss by four at a suddenly very tough Wisconsin team. Should we be concerned? Are they for real?

I'm here to answer all those questions, but first I will tackle the question of "What exactly is a Nittany Lion?" Here's your answer:

"A Nittany Lion is a legendary cryptid rumored to inhabit parts of the Americas. It is associated more recently with sightings of an allegedly unknown animal in Puerto Rico (where these sightings were first reported), Mexico, and the United States, especially in the latter's Latin American communities. The name comes from the animal's reported habit of attacking and drinking the blood of livestock, especially goats. Physical descriptions of the creature vary. Eyewitness sightings have been claimed as early as 1990 in Puerto Rico, and have since been reported as far north as Maine, and as far south as Chile. It is supposedly a heavy creature, the size of a small bear, with a row of spines reaching from the neck to the base of the tail."

Sounds pretty bad ass. But what about the basketball team? Well, outside of those wins over Northwestern and Purdue, they also have a win at Georgia Tech and no bad losses (vs. Rhode Island, vs. Temple). So it's clear that this year at least, they are no joke - despite preseason big ten predictions. Like Iowa, they are another team who moves slowly but is very efficient on the offensive end, ranking 38th in the country in offensive efficiency. Like Iowa, they shoot the ball from three very well (40%, 21st in the country). Unlike Iowa, they don't turn the ball over (8th in the nation), don't commit fouls (6th in the country) and absolutely don't give up offensive rebounds (3rd), as well as being a much better defensive team (65th in the country). Yeah, there is plenty to worry about here.

In terms of individual players, Talor Battle has gone from annoying and missing a letter in his name to one of the most improved players in the country, currently leading the Big Ten in scoring and coming in fourth in assists at 18.9 and 5.3. He also ranks 11th in the conference in rebounding with 6.1 (at 5-11) and leads in three pointers made while shooting 42% from three The good news here is that Al "Jacque" Nolen should be able to handle him. Should. Mainly because I'm having trouble believing in Battle - kind of like Jesus.

Other than Battle there are two other dudes you really have to worry about, 6-1 guard Stanley "Would you Like some Hand Lotion" Pringle and 20th year senior Jamelle Cornley. Cornley has been around forever and is still pretty much the same guy - undersized and tough as hell. His stats have been remarkably consistent through all four years of his career, but he has managed to put up career-high averages in points and rebounds this season. Pringle may have improved even more than Battle from last season, taking his scoring from 7 per game to over 15, and improving his shooting from 37% to 51% and his three-point shooting from 41% to 53%, second only to noted Gopher-killer Matt Gatens in the Big Ten.

Beyond those three studmuffins, the Nittany Lions are a bit thin, and quite undersized. They don't have another player who averages more than 6.1 points per game, and don't really play anyone bigger than 6-9. Nolen should shut down Battle, Westbrook should shut down Pringle, and Damian Johnson should have no problem handling Cornley. That being said, I'm predicting a surprisingly great game out of Cornley, and a career type game out of senior backup guard Danny Morrissey, currently averaging a career low in points and three point percentage, but who inexplicably goes off for 25 points, including 7-10 on three pointers. Despite that, the Gophers still take a ten point lead into the final three minutes, but miss free throw after free throw down the stretch, allowing PSU to pull within two at 67-65. Following two missed free throws by Al Nolen, Battle flies down the court and forces up a bad three in a double team, despite having Morrissey open in the corner, which falls short and the Gophers pull off the win by 2.


By the way, Bogart recommended the movie Four Christmases, but Mrs. W watched it online the other day and told me, "It's just what you'd expect, but twice as painful" and she usually loves stupid crap like that, so I'm pretty sure it's the worst movie ever. Nice recommendation, retard.

Just Because

I need to take my mind off the Gopher hockey team and Moma Dawger being in my house last night. I can't think of a better way!

Gophers vs Sioux Live Blog

7:22- 10 minutes until the game starts. Amazon girl showed up 30 minutes ago. Yes, she is sober.

7:25- Moma dawger is talking about cutting Todd’s throat. W is safe for a now.

7:27- Gorg needs his ass kicked. I might send moma dawger to the FSN studios to kill him on her way to kill todd.

7:33- Just found out Great grandma Moma dawger favorite player is finley. Do I need to say anything else.

7:39- RJ Anderson is the Travis Busch of the hockey team.

7:46- Hakstol tries way to hard to look tough and series. Twat!

7:47- Lil Lil Snake keeps kicking Lil snake in the nuts

7:48-Lil Snake just told Dawg that he has crabs in his pants. Fing Classic.

7:51- Kangas walking on water. Sioux couldn’t score with Moma dawger right now.

7:53- I just had to correct a spelling error of Snake’s.....honest to God.

7:55-FIGHT, FIGHT,FIGHT.....Duncan sucks more cock then The Todd on a Friday night.

7:56- Jay Barriball Sucks- Straight from Snakes mouth

7:56- I just convinced Lil Snake that having a name on the back of your jersey is cool. Haha sucker

8:02- Dawg is pissed that he is stuck taking care of Baby Dawger

8:08- Did anyone else notice the Hextall curl up like a girl when flynn started a scrum? I can smell his rotten pussy from her. What a bitch!

8:10- Moma dawger just put Dawger in his place. Dawger is on kid duty tonight. Moma gets to watch the game. Classic!

8:11- Nice penalty to end the period, fucking idiots. How bad are the Gophers.

8:26- You have to be fucking kidding me. SH Goal? W, the amazon is hooting in my house. You owe me big for this live blog shit.

8:28- It is obvious baby dawger hates UND so I have that going for me.

8:29- It’s a good thing Frazee isn’t playing today.

8:30- Get some, get some........WOOOOOOOO bitches. I have always been a big fan of the Sioux #19!!!

8:31-I don’t know what baby dawger hates more; The Gophers or Snake.

8:33- SIOUX SCORE............SIOUX SCORE.......Suck it boys.

8:33- Snake says Ness needs to be taken out of the game. NOW.

8:36- Moma dawger just cursed her team. 10 seconds later Stoa scores. Dawger thinks he just saw Dubay in the crowd. You think he’s doing coke, crack or meth?

8:39- The ref’s are rigging this game. Plus RJ Anderson needs to leave the arena with Ness.

8:40- No they aren’t.....your such a Gopher fan

8:41-OH MY GOD.......Greatest Day EVER......I bet Lucia is LOVING this.

8:41- More hooting. It is worse than the guy who sits next to you at the basketball games.

8:41- I am guessing Todd is going to his parents (upstairs) to get more beer and pick up his laundry.

8:42- I got Lil Lil Snake chanting Sioux,Sioux,Sioux.....haha So is baby dawger who cant even talk yet.

8:43- 3-1 Sioux- Who’s the Turd now???????? Homo

8:49-WOOOO Jesus is being crucified all over again. God help us

8:58- Snake has suddenly gotten VERY quiet and I have gotten VERY loud. Shocking

9:00- God I cant wait for Hakstol to put his finger up my ass tonight....right where it belongs.

9:03- It is hell having moma dawger in your house.


9:06- Snake just made a new rule- your not allowed to wear the gay gopher hat beyond the age of 10. Let’s just say we have seen many.

9:10- So is this how the Gophers make the Sioux their bitch? Just curious....

9:11- Doug Woog is a Pimp

9:11- So that gay ass gopher women’s basketball commercial came on and Snake started swearing and said that he wants to shoot that big fat #20 in the face. I agree

9:24- Stoa and Kangas should just play 2 v 5 tomorrow night. 2-4.

9:25- Power play.....I smell a Sioux melt down! Either that or its moma sioux BO soaked sioux jersey. Seriously, her jersey stinks like dawgers sack.

9:27- Our fucking d-man suck fucking ass! Fuck the gophers and John Hill. I hope he gets Lucia’s illness times 10!

9:28- I haven’t seen dawger in 20 minutes? I think he is watching House Hunters with Mrs. Snake upstairs. Fag!

9:31- That is all Patricia White. W, more hooting!

9:32- I want to go watch house hunter with dawger and Mrs. Snake but I will have to listen to Moma dawger call me a sell out.

9:33- Kangas just got crucified. If I am Kangas I am going pro tomorrow. Okposo was smart to leave when he did.

9:34- W, Now she is doing chants in my house. You better bring your credit card to Chi-town.

9:36- Moma dawger is trying to get my kids to chant Sioux. The youngest just stink eyed her. I think he wanted to call her a retard but doesn’t know the word yet.

9:37- John Hill should go back to AA.

9:38- play 3 on 5 tomorrow. Schroeder can play also. If the Gophers come back I will eat Todd’s ass live on this blog and sell my soul to the devil.

9:41- Live blogging is great when your team sucks. Just for the record Super fan has been texting friends about god knows what for the last 15 minutes. She cares about the sioux as much as I care about the t-wolves.

9:43- Has Ryan Flynn ever scored a goal.

9:44- Ness’s dad played 9 games in 4 years at UND. Maybe there is hope my kid can be a Div 1 athlete.

9:47- 3 minutes until I can finally have some sanity back in my life. 20 minutes and counting since super fan watched the game. She still thinks its 5-3.

9:49- Fight breaks out and Finley grabs Barriball. Then Finley just plays tickle dick. Biggest tit of all time. Now Finley barks at Stoa on way to box but doesn’t do anything. Double tit.

I bought dawger a sixer of 16 oz bud light cans and it was like I gave him a million dollars.

9:54- Tell me you saw the lifer jawing with the gopher players in the penalty box. His fat ass couldn’t get out of his chair if Fairchild wanted to fight him.

9:55- Imagine that. Kozek after the whistle. I am on record for the second year in a row wishing his neck gets snapped in tomorrow nights game. No I don’t feel bad about saying that.

9:57- Game over. Gophers suck. Todd, Moma dawger is on her way over.

10:00- Snacks, hopefully the spelling is up to your standards....nerd!

after game- well since Snake pretty much gave up on the game he took over because my team was actually worth watch I let him do it.

My texting was from all the hockey fans that know me well and how exciting this was. Also EPIC guy was really into the play by plays.

Well I am pretty sure I dont need to say anything sarcastic to rub it in. It is painful I know. I mean I dont really know because my team never does that to me and we never loose to you. Even though some RANDOM(optimator) seems to think they they do. I would love to see those make believe stats.

So SUCK it all of you.

Also Dawg just seriously lost to Lil Snake making him Officially the worst video game player EVER. Bogart has to feel good about that.

So W you my be alright because I may already be in jail for murder by the time I get to you.

SIOUX FAN OUT!!

Plunger may be needed. Sioux are a huge turd.

After washing out my own mouth with soup as a result of the previous post, I figured that one needed to move down the line.

Let me some up the Fighting Sioux's season for you by highlighting a few points.

Summary:
1. Open season against Boston University and get killed 1-5.
2. Proceed to get owned by lowly Minnesotat State Mankato and give up a natural hat trick in the process.
3. Lose the series to Duluth.
4. Inexplicably lose to Cornel the night after posting a 7-3 win.
5. Get swept in a holiday invitational.


Next steps:
1. Place season directly into toilet.
2. Flush.

3. Get swept by the Gophers at home.

First of all, could UND be any more blatently racist? You tell me. This weekend's series up in Grand Forks is a scheduled "White out". You don't exactly have to read between the lines, that is if Sioux fans could read for starters. Was it necessary to schedule that? I thought that was a taboo thing up there that didn't need mentioning every weekend but whatever.

I fully expect that both of this weekends games will be close. There will be plenty of passionate play from the Gophers this weekend. Other than the simple fact that the Gophers love to make the Sioux their bitch a few times a year I think there a couple of other story lines.

First off is the mystery illness of coach Don Lucia. He will be sidelined as a result and assistant coach John Hill will run things from the bench. I can't imagine that there are any players on this Gopher team that feel like letting down their coach down while he is out. No one knows if the guy has twenty days or twenty years to live. The fact that he is out says that it must be something fairly major.

This weekends matchup will be extremely chippy right from the first face-off. I expect plenty of physical play and a ton of penalty minutes. Let's face it. This is biggest rivalry in college hockey, period. These two teams have faced off against each other more than any other matchup in the history of college hockey. The Gophers have had a more effective power play and penalty kill than the Sioux have thus far through the season.

Our defensemen sometimes get a bit too offensive minded on the power play as well as 5 on 5 so it will be key that they stay tight on the blue line and not let anyone in behind them. Other than that our defense should be complete shut-down.

Things are looking up on the offensive side of things. We will be getting a few of our goal scorers back this weekend from injury and from the world junior champships. This includes frosh stud Jordan Schroeder who had good numbers in that tournament. I see him picking up his play for the gophers after gaining some extra confidence in his game while abroad.

Gophers sweep. Dave Hakstol puts his middle finger where it belongs, most likely Super Sioux fan's butt. Sioux fans, feel free to shut dirty whorish mouths.

RIP Don Lucia

You asked for it, so here is a new post from Super Sioux Fan. I've read through this three times now, and I have no idea how to even begin to introduce it, so just read it.....if you can. Or just skip it and read my super insightful review of the Gopher/Iowa game instead.


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Sioux,Sioux,Sioux,Sioux.........you had better get used to that sound Snake cause it is all your gonna be hearing tonight.
This weekend is one of my favorite of the year. I think I said last year that this was "the greatest day of my life" the first day of the series. I dont know that I would go that far this year, but I may feel that way after the weekend is over if we come out with a sweep. Which honestly is about as likely as Dawger ever proposing to me, so needless to say I am not that optimistic. But I am wearing my Sioux Jersey with my Red Pepper Tee Shirt underneath so between the two we might have a chance. I figure it is like double good luck. I am like the walking billboard for Grand Forks right now, Red Pepper and Sioux Hockey.....the two greatest things about GF. They should pay me.

So your beloved Lucia is out with a mysterious illness....which in North Dakota is what we call Pussyitis.
I think he is afraid that Haxtol is going to give HIM the finger this year (which he would rightfully deserve). I just want to see Haxtol jump the boards, glide gracefully across the ice and kick the shit out of that guy. Now that would be the greatest day of my life.

So we have planned to watch the game at Snakes house tonight. I plan to spend the majority of my evening harrassing lil Snake, getting him to say he loves the Sioux, and then probably wrestling Snake to show him what a little girl he is. I am still not able to take Dawger in a wrestling match, he is little but freakishly strong. I am starting a boxing/kickboxing/mma class tomorrow so I can beat up Dawg in a Brock Lesnar kind of way. I cant wait, 2nd Greatest day of my life..?

So did you know that Four Letter Lie is writing a new album? Yeah it is true (3rd greatest day EVER). I am going to go ahead and say that it will probably be awesome.
They played a show with QuietDrive downtown the day after Christmas. Me, my sister and all of my little bro's went to the show. I tried to get Dawg to go but he said he would rather kill himself, I took that as a maybe? But no luck. We of course hung out with the bands in their bus before the show. It was awesome. Although there were a TON of people there......I found that only me and my brothers knew all the words to the songs.....???? I am guess people were just shy??? I have recently been on "the wagon" so I snuck in a few cans of TAB(classy I know), bought some pizza and rocked out. You know they sell pizza and nachos at those concerts...it is freakin awesome. I ate the shit out of that pizza. I was by far the oldest person there....but I am okay with this because being Dawgers live in GF I always feel young! :) It was kind of nice to feel old for once.
Come to think of it I also feel kind of old at work, I am probably in the top 10 oldest people here. Snake is by far the #1 oldest person here. He is also that guy that has worked her FOREVER and is ALWAYS around but NO ONE knows who he is. It is like he doesnt exist. It is the funniest shit. I mention him and people ask if he is new and then are totally confused when I tell them that he is literally always around.




Also it is true Dawg has exteremly small nipples. They are like the size of a skittle. I love it. See look.......


INSERT DAWG/NIPPLE PIC
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Yeah, I'm not really sure what that was and I don't think there's any actual hockey talk, and I decided not to post a topless pic of Dawger for a myriad of reason, not the least of which is what if he decides to run for office some day?

That picture is of her and her family I think that she wanted posted for some reason that I couldn't figure out, but then again, I couldn't really get through that post either. That's her, second from the left I think, although I've never actually met her. It proves two things:

1. I was right and all girls named Kaylynn are hot.
2. She has the crazy eyes and I'm even more terrified of her than I was before.

Escape!

Despite playing the worst game in Gopher history (including the Monson years) our beloved Gophers managed to escape from the shithole that is Hawkeye arena last night with a 52-49 victory, mainly due to the Hawkeyes sudden inability to hit open shots in the second half. I don't have much time to write, thanks to my stupid job, but here are a few observations I had, other than if that was the first basketball game I had ever watched, I would never watch another one again.

- I believe Al Nolen is morphing/needs to morph further into TJ Ford/Jacque Vaughn. Despite the huge three he hit in the second half, he seems to not only be generally unable to hit an outside shot, but also unwilling at times. He can certainly help the team with his defense and I maintain that he's nearly unguardable when driving to the rim. He seems, at times, to embrace that and at this point I'd be happy with a creating, driving and dishing point guard. We have Hoffarber, Joseph, and Westbrook (ok fine, and Shamala) to hit the threes, so maybe this is the right direction for the team. Funny thing is, I had my phone off because I had to watch the game on a slight tape delay because of stupid Wonderbaby, and when I turned it on after the game I had a text from Snake which said, "Al Nolen needs to turn into Jacque Vaughn." So it's unanimous.

- I don't understand the seeming unwillingness to dump the ball into the paint against the smaller Hawkeyes, particularly after Tate went out with that injury. Sampson looked awkwardly unstoppable, hitting 3 of his 5 shots, and Iverson only ended up with one attempt on the night and only played 11 minutes. My only thought here is maybe Tubby thought they needed a smaller lineup against the tiny Hawkeyes, but I didn't notice any worse defense when the big guys were in there than not. And that doesn't excuse the refusal to get the ball inside. Iowa is one of the most three-pointingest teams in the nation and attempted 23 three pointers last night; the Gophers chucked up 22. Falling in love with the three for the Gophers is not the way to win, and is troubling against a team that small.

- I love Westbrook, truly I do, but at times his "I scored 40 points a game in high school" mentality shows through. Sometimes I think it's a good thing, such as in the second half against Michigan State when nothing was working and somebody needed to try to take over the game; it didn't work, but I understood it and liked it. But at other times it boggles the mind. Last night at one point a loose ball kicked over to the corner where he grabbed, and pretty much shot a turnaround jumper from three point land. I have no idea why he thought that was a good shot - but it wasn't unless you played for Loyola Marymount in the late 80s. I'm not particularly concerned, as I think Tubby has him reigned in pretty good and like I said, sometimes you need a guy like that, but this one was so out there I had to mention it.

- Man or Zone or switching defense, I thought the defensive effort the Gophers gave was absolutely brutal last night. The only difference I saw was that the shots weren't falling in the second half, despite being open (although yes, in the first half they were able to get to the rim more successfully than in the second). One thing that frustrated me was after Anthony Tucker came in Willis Reed style, the defense seemed to focus far too much on him. On consecutive possessions he started to drive and got maybe a half step when a perimeter guy would leave their man to help. Perhaps fundamentally correct, but in both cases the guy they left was Matt Gatens, the leading three point shooter in the big ten who, of course, knocked down both open threes. There was really no need to help that far out on the perimeter when help was available further down in the paint, especially to leave a shooter like the next Chris Kingsbury. The other thing about Gatens I noticed is that he probably needs to get more aggressive if the Hawkeyes are going to have any success. He shoots 54% from three and was 4-5 last night, but I noticed he only shoots if he's very open. He might need to be willing to bring his percentage down a bit and take more chances shooting. He's good enough that if he can get his shot off, he should probably be taking it, even if he doesn't have that extra second to totally set himself.

- A commenter somewhere down below said, "The Gophers don't beat Louisville without Travis Busch" which I thought was laughable. But I'm going to say "The Gophers don't beat Iowa without Travis Busch" which truly hurts my soul to type, but I believe it today. Maybe somebody else steps up by the end of the game and takes the Gophers to the win, but I didn't see any likely candidates out there. Busch hit some big shots, and as much as I'd like to I can't ignore that. Let's just move on.

- Paul Carter made his biggest impact of the season last night, despite playing just nine minutes. He scored five points and three offensive rebounds on the night, and his athleticism will come in handy as the season advances. Bostick looked good as well, playing 15 minutes and picking up six points and a couple of steals. There really is a lot of talent on the team this year, hopefully Tubby can find the right combinations.

- Finally, the biggest highlight of the night was ESPN2 announcer Doug Gottlieb giving a shout out to our friends at From the Barn and complimenting their article on the Minnesota/Iowa rivalry. Very cool. On a related note, my mom recently told me I need to "clean-up" my blog, so I'd say things are moving in the right direction for both of us.

Golf is BACK!!

Alright bitches time to get back into golf mode. First off let me apologize for my absence, but there really hasn’t been much going on and I didn’t want to get in the way of all the great college hoop, football and drunken rant posts. So now that’s out of the way to move forward we need to look back.

Great in 2008…

See what I did there, I made a rhyme; studies show that 98% of all readers will stay with an article 23% longer when the headline rhymes. Alright so how did the year start well Danny Chopra won the opener and Camillo “100% Columbian Coffee” Villegas closed off the regular season and in between we saw Tiger win 4 times, once on a broken leg with no ligaments or cartilage, Veej/Perry won thrice and a hand full of the boys took two victories. No 2 time winner in 08’ was more memorable than the 2008 Player of the Year Paddy Harrington, I don’t care if Woods wasn’t there and I certainly don’t care that he won twice as many tournaments (one of which I must mention again was done on one leg) Harrington won two MAJORS, period. Tiger would trade his other three wins, sans US OPEN, for just one of those Majors. Harrington still stared down the best in the world including one of the hottest players in the planet at the time in Garcia at the PGA. He is just a great player and doesn’t seem to fear anyone.

Immelman, Woods, Harrington x 2 took down the Majors. The Masters took on a US Open feel. There is a new Chairman or President down in Augusta now, Billy Payne, I hope he can bring back some of the flare to what has always been my favorite Major. It is a tournament that should be won with birdies and eagles down the stretch, not bogeys and pars.

Sergio won the players; some consider that the 5th Major and I consider those people jackasses. He had a great quote though while accepting the trophy: “First I want to thank Tiger…for not being here”…classic. The Spaniard would have a good 2008 as a whole, but still needs to finish off a Major and if he keeps playing like he did in 08’ he will have many chances. Can you say the 2009 Masters, Tiger may still be out…

Ummm, the interweb says Steve Lowery won a tournament this year, hmmm great. What a debacle Els has turned into, he wins at the Honda and then fires his coach and starts changing everything. He has gotten too mechanical as most golfers do. Hopefully he gets comfortable in 09’ and has more success. He is a guy that won the US Open at 25, everyone is spoiled because Woods won Majors so early, and that is really good. He has been #1 in the world and I for one would like to see him getting more wins, especially majors. Philly took down the Crown Plaza Colonial, pretty nice since Crown Plaza also sponsors him, they probably liked that. The rest of the year was pretty disappointing, didn’t really contend in Majors, didn’t have a great Ryder Cup and spent the off-season fending off shots from Steve Williams (Tiger’s Caddy) and toying with the notion of joining the Euro tour to split his time.

Get it together Phil, win another Major, get up in Tiger’s Foreman and be that go for broke bitch titted watch wearing hair thinning but I am going to wear it long so no one notices champion everyone loves. Tiger wins the US Open, arguably one of the best tournaments I have seen in a while. I am not going to rehash it because if you missed it you should turn off the computer and go jump in front of a bus.

Stew Cink came out of the closet, what, oh well I guess he didn’t but he is a homo and hopefully this year he gets the strength to do it. Harrington then took over the next two Majors, but for 3.5 rounds across the pond Greg Norman was the story. The Shark rolled back the odometer and decided to bring some game, his putting didn’t hold out and neither did his iron play but hopefully he continues to play well and we can keep watching golf greatness for a while longer. Another oldie but a goodie reared his head at the British as well, David Duval made a splash with two impressive round, one he wanted to throw in the crapper and one that was just average none the less he is on track to playing better in the years to come.

Kenny Perry was crucified for not playing in the British and then WD at the PGA. He did however end up achieving his goal of playing in the Ryder Cup and did his home state proud. I just wish this guy wasn’t such a whiner.

Veej just kept keeping on and won a quick 10 million dollars for wrapping up the Fed Ex with two tournaments to spare. My favorite moment about Veej was when Sergio ran in like a 50 foot putt for what looked like the for sure tie maybe a win with Singh still 30-40 feet away himself and then he pours it in, pats Sergio on the belly and gives him a look as to say "you really thought you were going to win didn't you, stupid Spaniard go play with your Armada".

So DL3 posted a W this year showing the old guys can still win out there, hopefully his boy Freddie can take one down this year or just stay healthy enough to lead the boys to a Presidents Cup win. So you are all probably wondering if you looked at nothing but stats, who was the best player in 2008. Well that goes to Pat Perez, your best player overall based on stats, however just 12 top 25 finishes out of 27 tournaments played. #2 in that category was Anthony Kim, so it’s not worthless but sometimes it can be misleading.

Let’s see here, oh Annika retired. I give that retirement two years unless she pops out a kid. Michele Wie got her 09’ LPGA status by qualifying through tour school, great, stick with the chicks. The LPGA tried to enforce an English only rule, just awesome, you can’t make stuff like that up. Zinger led the US to a Ryder cup victory, Boo Weekley became a household name by doing the bull dance better than Happy Gilmore.

I am sure more happened, like all the retards that puked on themselves at PGA Q-School (closed circuit to Harrison Frazer, winner of the Q-School tournament and shot 59 in one the 6 rounds, you are really good please win a tournament this year), rundown of the Nationwide Grads but I need to get moving on to this year and since this is already going to be very very very long I will post this to keep interests up.




Doing fine in 2009…

Ok the season starts this week but it really doesn’t start until we get out of Hawaii and back to the mainland. First off the Mercedes Championship was set up to be a winner's only event, win a tournament and you are in. But something happen, the season started to get longer, guys chased money on other tours in different countries and all of a sudden this tournament doesn’t get Tiger (even when he’s healthy), no Phil and a lot of the other big names stay home to try and extend the off season. Who can blame them, Hawaii sucks with all that warmness and tropical greatness, idiots. Seriously I have no idea why you wouldn’t be drooling to play in this tournament; they pay your travel expenses, hotel, Mercedes courtesy car and free BJs at the turn. Well at least I think they get most of those things.

So, minus Tiger, Phil, Adam Scott (surfing accident led to knee injury) and Paddy we are left with 33 player field and one of those player is something called a Mark Turnesa. Need a player that can play in the wind and putt on Bermuda greens. I just found out Veej has a knee issue and will be out 5 weeks after the Benz so I won’t pick him out right. Oh I just can’t pick one, here is a trio, I will box in the trifecta: Kim, Choi and Els. Go boys and make me proud. See you here bout the same time next week.


NF

PS—If you made it this far…Here you go and thanks.

UND Eats Shit Sandwiches

Its Gopher vs. Sioux weekend so I thought this would be a good time to revive this blog with some sports chatter people actually care about. Both games this weekend will be played in Hitler’s palace (Engelstad Arena) up in lovely Grand Forks, ND. The Gophers enter the weekend ranked #3 in the country with a 10-3-5 record. UND is crawling into the weekend with a 11-10-1 record.

We have been told for years now that UND doesn’t care about the first half of the regular season. That is a good way for UND fans to try and justify a home loss to Alaska and getting 1 pt up in Duluth. The issue with that excuse this year is Coach Hakstol finally has a roster made up of players from his recruiting classes. This means no more high end talent and no second half surge in the standings. This also explains UND starting the second half getting swept at the GL Invite by Michigan St and Michigan Tech “wha-wha-whaaaaa” before rallying for two 4-3 (including OT win at Home) victories over powerful Bemidji State. It has got so bad at UND this year that their Super Fans are calling for Hakstol’s head.

UND is led in scoring this year by Chay Genoway and something called Brad Miller (not the NBA player). Chay Genoway is a very good Offensive defenseman while Brad Miller is, well, Brad Miller. UND also has Ryan Duncan back for his senior season. If you forgot Ryan Duncan stole the Hoby Baker Award from John Toews two years ago. Since winning the award Duncan has become arguably the worst Hoby Baker Award winner in the history of the award. Duncan will now be forever linked to Gino Torretta as the worst major college award winners in the history of college awards. I have a sneaky suspicion the Dawger is secretly a Duncan fan. How else can you explain his complete lack of production.

I do like UND’s frosh goalie Brad Eidness. He is having a bit of a rough year, but guys like Kangas only come every 2008 years. You can’t expect a human frosh goalie to hold up a team, especially a very average team like UND.

I should also mention players Chris Vandevelde and Joe Finley but both players suck and I am tired of talking about UND. Plus the only time anyone will notice Finley is when he cheap shots someone after the whistle or in the handshake line. You might also notice him if an actual fight breaks out. Finley will be the 6-7 blur leaving the screen once the gloves actually drop. Finley is the undisputed king of pussy’s when it comes to fighting. What do you expect, he is from Edina.

The last thing I have to get off my chest is Mario Lamoureux’s name. Mario’s dad needs to be drug outside and have his ass kicked. Not only did he raise his older son to be a complete twat but he tried getting cute with his kids name so it sounds like Mario Lemiuex. An ass kicking is definitely in order here.

Here is a picture of some real women. I am sick of the dirty rags WWWWW keeps giving us.


The Gophers will be led this weekend be our lord and savior Alex Kangas. Alex is undefeated in Englestad Arena and will most likely stay that way after this weekend. Alex’s numbers haven’t been quite as heavenly as last spring but who can complain with a .921 Save% and 2.19 GAA when a player hasn’t been completely on his game. Plus Alex has been busy dealing with everyone’s prayers and other crap god has to deal with.

The Gophers will be in Grand Forks this weekend without their head coach Don Lucia who is suffering from some unknown illness. Coach Lucia has to take some more medical tests on Friday of this week and doctors should know what is effecting him at that time. Plus Lucia figures his team can play without a head coach since UND is basically playing without one also. Rumor has it Lucia also hates the smell of Grand Forks and is looking for any excuse to stay away from stench of sugar beet factories.

The Gophers will finally have their entire roster back. Jay Barriball and Mike Carman are back from injury and Hoeffel, Fairchild and Schroeder are back from the world Jr. Tournament. The only player not available is Taylor Matson. Matson is out the rest of the year with a torn ACL. Did you know Dawger pronounced Matson his favorite player back in October and two weeks later he tore his ACL. I am not kidding. The Dawger curse is for real.

The biggest key for the Gophers this weekend will be the play of their top line. Jordan Schroeder is back which will get Ryan Stoa back on the wing. Stoa has got to start scoring goals again. Jay Barriball also has to find a way to tip in the pesky open net goals he constantly misses. Barriball should honestly have 12 goals this season. Barriball’s shite shooting is also costing Schroeder any chance of being All-American. Patricia White also needs to play on the third line and stay away from either power play unit. This kid has the heart of an interior decorator.

Next, the Gophers have to limit dumb mistakes by their D. Last weekend they gave up way to many 2-1’s by jumping deep into the offensive zone. Fairchild and Fischer should be allowed to make rushes up the ice but the rest of them need to stay put. Especially Wehrs. Ness can get involved on the Power play but he needs to stay home on 5 v 5. He caused way to many odd man rushes last weekend. Plus Ness shoots like a High School JV player. Dawger also continues to talk about Ness being his “Next Guy” but for the benefit of the program I won’t let it happen. Ness has to much talent for Dawger to flush his career down the toilet.

The Todd, rumor has it Schack will be playing this weekend so get your game worn #27 jersey out of the closet.

This is the first weekend in years that the Gophers should enter a weekend with UND and expect to win both games. The Gophers own Engelstad Arena to the tune of a 7-4-0 lifetime record in that dump. The Gophers are very good and the Sioux are down this year. The Gophers have high end talent and the Sioux average talent. The Gophers have the top special teams unit in the nation and the Sioux are average at best in special teams. All this adds up to a split. Gophers win 4-2 on Friday and lose 3-2 on Saturday . Either way UND still sucks .

Did you know Dawger has extremely small nipples? I just found that out yesterday and for some reason it fascinates me.