Ready, Set...Major.

Alright golf fans I am back and better than ever. Sorry for going MIA for a month or so there but I got real lazy with my extra curricular activities. So needless to say there is a lot to talk about, I will try to hit on a bunch of points and try to leave you less bored than when you clicked on the site in the first place. And go.

-The first thing that pops in my head is Michelle Wie making the Solhiem Cup Team, this is the dykes version of the Ryder Cup. This makes me more sad for the state of women's golf in America than it does to have a win-nothing-clown represent our country. Here is a novel idea, since you shit canned the racist that hated the Ha-mungs and Orientals why dont you team up the best of USA and Europe vs Asia this way at least this way we can stay away from all the total no name randoms no one cares about from Europe and just stick to the ones from Asia.

-Ok, so Cink dusted off a man that could have been his dad, way to go you shit eating fag. You should have thrown the playoff, no one wanted you to win other than that tranny wife of yours.

Side note, I cannot stand chicks who feel the need to style their kids hair like their own. Secondly, why do women cut their hair when they start having kids, it looks horrible STOP!

Watson played awesomely for four days, he hit a 8I too flush and a putt off the green too firm. 2 shots out of a championship cost him, once again Stew you didn't win it, Tom lost it. Cink still sucks in my mind but he is confident and will likely keep winning, unfortunately. I could see him taking down a masters sometime soon.

-Tiger won the last two weeks, yawn. He beat down a no talent field in MI to close down the Buick Open. I soon see MI closing as a state and being sold to Canada, that place is worthless, but its gold to those damn Canadians, they need a Stanley Cup contender. Good luck to anyone still living there.

Tiger then was given the victory last week when Harrington didn't pull off a flop shot from over the green at the 16th at Firestone. There was a big controversy over the rules official for the group putting the group on "the clock". This rarely happens at tour events, unheard of at major events. The WGC events are major events, top fields, big crowds and huge money. I have no clue why that official on the 16th tee, with 1 stroke separating the top two players decided to put the players on the clock. Harrington seemed noticeably more fidgety than his already frosted flakes eating self. In the end he said "rules are rules", Tiger chastised the officials. Then out came the talk about fines.

Listen you idiot fringe fans or casual fans, this isn't Tiger's first fine. Although the PGA tour does not make their fines public, it is widely known that Tiger is at the top of the fine list. I have two actual ins on the tour, an agent and a caddie. Both have told me that these fines are common place and the tour polices its players. Everyone quit acting like Tiger is getting jobbed, he swears and throws clubs constantly OF COURSE they are going to fine him. A lot.

-Now to the PGA. Hazeltine is a monster, 7680 yards and since i don't want to look up if its the longest course in Major history or even just in PGA championship history, I am just going to go with that. Longest ever. Couple that with 5 inches of rain last weekend and that makes for a very long golf course. Some would contend that it takes the short or average length hitters out of the tournament, well I call those people morons. There is actually just as much of a premium on accuracy as there is on distance this week. Because not only is the course long but there are hundreds of well placed bunkers and thousands of trees, big trees.

Side note, I hate people talking about shit they have no idea about. Casual golf fans are famous for this, if you have spare time head out to the tournament this weekend and take a listen. Or read insanely dumb remarks like the one by 'dawger', 330 yards up hill huh, did you walk that off homo or just guess it by the time your girthy ass got to the ball you were out of breath so that's about 250 to 350 yards and you just gave yourself the benefit of the doubt? This is rhetorical. Also Phil just showed up on Wednesday for the first time, he didn't play on Tuesday. You are an idiot.

Also, dads, quit filling your kids heads full of false information. They will not love you any less if you say you are not sure or don't know. They don't need you to be their hero, if you cant be truthful to them at this point they probably have already written you off as a role model and you should just wait for the day when they don't return your calls.

-I truly needed to get that off my chest, whoa i feel good. So here are the guys in my top 5: Cabrera, Mahan, Westwood, Allenby and Martin Kaymer. Dark horse is Stenson. Blackout horse is Phil.

-In the end there will be one winner and 155 losers, let me tell you one of the loser's name is Tiger. He has won in every last tournament that he has entered before each major this year. Currently he is 0/3 you can book 0/4. One, he is still hitting it erratically off the tee, too much so to get it around at this course. Two, three in a row is pretty tough even for Tiger. I think he is a little gassed. Lastly, the odds are in my favor. So there.

I have to run, you can nit pick the grammar or spelling, it doesn't affect me. I hope to be writing more often as the season comes to a close, maybe.

Pay attention to 16, very tough for only 400 yards and 12 a 518 yard par 4, got a hybrid?

NF

PS--10 years ago a 19 year old pushed Tiger at the PGA, we all thought that kid would be pushing Tiger year after year. Sergio, where have you gone?

PPS-For some reason i could not get paragraph spaces to stick on the published version. sorry.

Twins vs. Royals

I haven't done this but once I think this year, but now seems like a good time to live blog a Twins game. Since this is supposed to be the big home stand where they can really make a run playing the lowly Royals and Indians for six straight home games. We'll see.

- The guy who never walks anybody ever, Nick Blackburn, falls behind David of Jesus 3-1, then puts one right into the perfect slap zone - waist high, outside corner - and noted slap hitter DeJesus shoots it into left for a single. Captain Slap himself, Joe Mauer, would have loved that pitch.

- Speaking of Mauer, he just attempted to throw out a runner stealing and the throw was about four feet to the shortstop side of the bag. Bert's comment? "Blackburn really gave up too much of a jump to Anderson there." No matter that he could have waited til the ball was half way to the plate before running and still made it.

- 1-0 Royals after Billy "the second coming of Steve Balboni" Butler singles to right. I'm already frustrated. This might be the shortest live blog ever.

- Who would you rather have start at second, Punto or Casilla? I don't see any upside either way.

- After a four pitch walk, Miguel Olivo slaps one past Morneau down the line to score another couple runs, making it a 3-0 Royals lead. In case that's not depressing enough already, BB Gun seemingly is refusing to throw strikes. The good news here is that with 2 outs, the Ryan Leaf of baseball players Alex Gordon is now up. If you can't get Gordon out, you might as well quit.

- Ground rule double. 4-0. And Alex Gordon ripped a pitch. That's his first double of the year. I know he's been hurt, but still, even when he hasn't been he's sucked. I'm so glad I decided to live blog this one.

- Twins finally up, still down 4-0. At least they get to hit off Kyle Davies. That pretty much guarantees they can get to four runs no problem. Well, if they weren't the Twins they could.

- Cabrera has been so hot since he came over, just imagine if Brendan Harris was playing second. And that single up the middle gets his hit streak to 20.

- Wild pitch scores Cabrera after a Mauer single, then Morneau walks. Two on, one out, 3-1 game and the best player on the Twins, Jason Kubel at the bat. I'm calling a double, scoring two.

- Or a force out at seond. Crap. Now it's up to that damn Cuddyer. I'm calling a strikeout on a ball in the dirt. I know, I know, I'm crazy.

- 2-2 count after Cuddy swings at misses at a bitch at his eyes. Here comes the slider in the dirt.

- Nope, just blew a fastball right by him. I know what Cuddy's numbers say, and I'm generally a quantitative over qualitative guy, but I just can't shake the feeling that this guy sucks at hitting. I'm starting to understand why people bitch about Pat Burrell and Adam Dunn when they watch them all season long. Despite the successes, the strikeouts are just so aesthetically ugly that they grate on you after a time. He's just like Phil Rivers throwing motion or Jim Furyk's swing - it's ugly, but it's effective.

- Uh oh, according to Robbie Mcintowkialoliwak, the Royals scouts have figured out Blackburn, and the hitters are waiting on the sinker and just shooting it the other way, and are able to do this because they aren't worried about the fastball getting by them. This makes a god damn lot of sense, because every batter so far, other than the ones he walks instead - as he just did to DeJesus, has gone to opposite field (as did whoever just got that hit. Maier or something like that).

- Jesus F. Duensing is up in the pen. It's the second god damned inning.

- Sac bunt attempt. Blackie goes to third with it, throw is high and Harris can't handle it. Bases loaded, nobody out. I am very, very close to checking out of this game. These guy suck. It's like watching the bad news bears right now, but without the humor and racial slurs.

- Double play, but another run in. 5-1 now in the second.

- Another knock for the Royals when Blackburn falls behind again and it's 6-1. Duensing coming in. I'm done with this, and with this team.

- I suppose I should do some PGA preview, but I don't want to, so instead here is your top six most likely to win other than Tiger Woods:
1. Kenny Perry
2. Steve Stricker
3. Lee Westwood
4. Zach Johnson
5. Tim Clark
6. Camilo Villegas

- A Delmon foul out, a Harris strikeout, and a slap flyout by Casilla and suddenly the worst pitcher in the world has a 1-2-3 inning and three strikeouts through two. Great.

- Hey, did you know the PGA Championship is in Minnesota this week? I just found out. The media coverage hasn't been super annoying or anything. Now Hunter Mahan is in the press box with Dick and Bert, wearing a Twins jersey. It makes me like him a little more for showing up to a baseball game, but the Twins jersey I'm pretty sure dooms him to miss the cut.

- Home run Olivo. 7-1. Delmon Young looked like a hippopotamus chasing a butterfly trying to get to that one (it just barely cleared the fence, Span probably comes down with it).

- Some walks, some hits, and it's 8-1 and already the longest game in history.

- Span strikeout, Cabrera foul out, Mauer single, Morneau fly out. I'm officially bored and stopping this. Sidler, if you're still out there break down this whole Rios to the Sox thing for me, I'm too lazy to do it.

STOP DOING THAT, A-HOLE!

I really, really, really don't understand why Michael Cuddyer continues to chase that outside and in the dirt slider that righties throw him every time he has two strikes. And every single time he chases it. He's like Greg Gagne and Torii Hunter, but ten times worse than either of them were at going after that pitch. Honest to god, at this point I just want him to strike out by taking a fastball straight down the shoot. It would it least show he's evolved a little bit as a hitter, and recognizes what pitch he's going to see every time he's 0-2 or 1-2.

Also, Brendan Harris clearly did not tag Granderson in the first. They just showed three freeze frame pictures that unquestionably show he never tagged him, and yet Blyleven is shouting about how it "looked like Harris got him but the Ump said he was safe" and how the Twins haven't been able to recover. Shut up, homer. I am now back to hoping you never get in the Hall.

At least Carl Pavano is coming, which was pretty underwhelming at first but then after watching Swarzak tonight and remembering Liriano, I was oh sweet christ Crain Wreck is in. I'm sure this will go well.

Anyway, I've started feeling a lot better about the Pavano thing, especially after reading how well he's done against the AL Central this year. Against Chicago he is 3-0 with a 1.93 ERA and a 0.82 WHIP, and against Detroit he is 2-1 with a 2.42 ERA and 0.90 WHIP. That will come in pretty handy. Of course, he kind of sucks against everybody else, but maybe Gardy will just save his arm for these AL Central games. He's a master strategist, so I wouldn't put anything passed that white trash piece of garbage.

Hey Gardy, getting thrown out as a ploy to get your team fired up ceases being effective when you get your dumb ass kicked out every other game. Tonight was particularly impressive. Getting kicked out from the dugout while arguing the ump should have called a balk when there was clearly no balk takes a special kind of idiocy. We are truly blessed.

R.I.P. John Hughes

I've only done this once before for Kurt Vonnegut, generally preferring to give my RIP mini-tributes in the scrolling text above, but when somebody like John Hughes dies, someone with a profound effect on my life (like Vonnegut), they deserve a little bit more.

Hughes died earlier today of a heart attack at the age of 59. In tribute, here are the 10 best John Hughes movies:

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
One of the few perfect movies ever made, an absolute top fiver of all-time, all genres. Cameron and Ferris are both still iconic characters, as is Mr. Rooney. The sad thing is that Ferris turned half gay and married a hobgoblin, Mr. Rooney turned out to be a child molester, and neither Sloan nor Cameron ended up having much of a career. Such is the price when you sell your soul to make such an incredible movie as this. Still eminently quotable

"What's the score?"
"Nothin' Nothing'"
"Who's winning?"
"The Bears."

Fun Fact: The actor and actress who played Mr and Mrs. Bueller ended up getting married after the movie had finished shooting.

2. The Breakfast Club
This is also damn near a perfect movie, and would be the best of almost any other director. Not as funny as Bueller, but not meant to be, this movie had incredible heart and really resonated with me growing up - and still does today. Like Bueller, if I'm flipping channels and come across this, I'm watching it. Not to mention, this movie has absolutely the most iconic movie song ever.

"Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?"

Fun Fact: John Cusack was originally cast as Bender, but Hughes made the decision to replace him right before filming began.

3. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Nothing else can touch Breakfast Club or Ferris Bueller, which are absolutely iconic, life-changing level movies, but Planes & Trains is still completely awesome, and one of the funniest movies of all-time. Both John Candy and Steve Martin hit every note picture perfect in this one, and play off each other like an old school comedy team like Abbott and Costello. Throw in the litte bit of heart tugging you get at the end and a killer opening scene which involves a little Kevin Bacon, and you're getting one of the better comedies ever.

"Potato Chips! They're everywhere!"

Fun Fact: The scene at the car rental agency where Steve Martin uses the F word 17 times was added by Hughes for the sole purpose of bumping the rating from PG to R, because he wanted to make sure this was an adult comedy.

4. Vacation
Also known as National Lampoon's Vacation, if you watch this, Caddyshack, and Fletch it's hard to believe Chevy Chase every became sort of a joke. He's absolutely perfect in his role as the trying-to-do-it-all dad, as are Anthony Michael Hall, Beverly De'Angelo, and whoever the chick is that played Audrey. The Christie Brinkley scene is iconic, and there are several that are even better.

"Know what the penalty is for animal cruelty in this state?"
"No, I don't."
"Well.....it's probably pretty stiff."

Fun Fact: This movie was written with the theme park supposed to be Disneyland. Disney spazzed, saying they are always open 365 days a year, so Walley World was invented and filmed at Six Flags Magic Mountain in California.

5. Uncle Buck
The second of three John Candy movies to make this list, this might actually be his best role. The movie is basically Candy, Candy, Candy, with other actors playing off of him, but he does such a great job you don't get sick of him. The conflict between Uncle Buck and Tia, the eldest daughter, is very realistic, and brings in the heart/comedy combo that Hughes was so good at.

"Ever hear of a tune up? Eh hee hee hee."
"Ever hear of a ritual killing? Eh hee hee hee."
"I don't get it."
"Gnaw on her face like that again in public and you'll be one. Eh hee hee hee."

Fun Fact: One night during filming, Candy went out drinking with the dude in charge of the musical score and got so wasted that Hughes had to cancel shooting the next day.

6. Home Alone
You love this movie, just admit it. Everybody does. It's sort of become a joke these days, partially because of Macauley Culkin's completely derailed career (although he was awesome in Saved!, which itself is awesome and you should rent it) and partly because they ended up making four more of these, the last three without Culkin. The rest of the flicks in this "series" don't hold up, but this movie is still an all-time classic. A good heart and a lot of legit laughs, more than you remember, thanks to Pesci and Stern. For a very long time, Mrs. W absolutely required that we watch this movie every Thanksgiving. I never once complained, and now that we don't watch it anymore, I kind of miss it.

"Kids are scared of the dark."
"You're scared of the dark too, Marv."

Fun Fact: This movie was written by Hughes for Culkin, based on the kitchen interrogation scene from Uncle Buck with Culkin and Candy.

7. Christmas Vacation
Sometimes I think I like this movie more than the original vacation, but that's pretty much only from Thanksgiving to New Year's. It's a good movie any time, and a great movie during the holidays (behind only Scrooged as my favorite Christmas movie). Elaine and her douchebag husband are great, as is Brian Doyle-Murray as the boss, and Chase is perfect as he always was until like 1990 (Vegas Vacation is his only good movie since then). The scene where the douchebags stereo is destroyed by an icicle, which then melts, is brilliant, and when the christmas lights finally work, well, if you don't get a little bit of chills you're a souless bastard.

"Hey Griswold, where do you think you're going to put a tree that big?"
"Bend over and I'll show you."
"You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold."
"I wasn't talking to you."

Fun Fact: The Griswold's house in this movie was the same house used by Danny Glover's character's family in the Lethal Weapon movies.

8. The Great Outdoors
I think a lot of people hate this movie, but a lot of people like blood sausage too. A lot of people are morons. Growing up, my aunt and uncle had a cabin on a lake we would come visit fairly often. In the evenings, the adults would get wasted, and if the kids weren't playing Ghost in the Graveyard, we needed something to do. They had a VCR and about four movies, three of which were god awful claptrap, but the fourth was The Great Outdoors. Perhaps it is this association that makes me love this movie, or perhaps I am Burt and this movie is my Sheelana.

"Bear.....bear.....big bear.....big bear chase meeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Fun Fact: The last movie those scary ass twin girls were ever in, probably because after this one they descended back into hell to be with their master.

9. Sixteen Candles
I know I've mentioned that Hughes' movies have heart, and I'm sorry to mention it yet again, but it's what sets him apart from so many other teen comedy/drama film makers. This one has it all: an unknown girl looking to be noticed, a nerd looking to be cool (and get some ass), a popular guy just wanting to be normal, and a hot girl looking to get passed out drunk and molested. Plus, Mollie Ringwald's underpants and a horny asian dude! What more could you ask for?

"Just answer me one question."
"Yes, you're a total fag."
"Ha ha ha. That's not the question."

Fun Fact: Jim Carrey auditioned for the role of the Geek, but was beaten out by Anthony Michael Hall.

10. Weird Science
A lot of people like this movie way more than I do, but I just think there aren't very many likable characters here. That being said, this is still a classic. Anthony Michael Hall and that other guy are believable enough as social outcasts, and Bill Paxton (yes Bill Paxton) does a good job as the douchey brother. Plus, who can forget this (please don't google Kelly Lebrock. The years have not been kind).


"You're stewed, buttwad!"

Fun Fact: The second movie, after The Breakfast Club, where Anthony Michael Hall's character makes up a fake Canadian girlfriend.


There you go kids, ten of the most iconic movies ever made, and all written and/or directed by the same dude, who is no longer around. Although he hadn't really done anything good since 1991 (Curly Sue), why would he have to? Any three of those movies above would be a hell of an accomplishment for a writer, and he had all ten. Shermer, IL will live on. RIP John Hughes.

Completely Random Wednesday Thoughts

- Francisco Liriano sucks. I can't recall watching a pitcher so terrified to throw the ball over the plate.

- Is it just me, or does Justin Morneau swing at every single breaking pitch from a lefty? He's not nearly as bad as Cuddyer, because with Morneau most of them are at least near the plate and he can foul it off if he has two strikes, but still. I swear he swings at every slider. Of course, as I type this he takes a fastball right down the middle for a called third strike with two on and nobody out.

- I am going to be playing in a college basketball fantasy league this year. The rules aren't set yet, like I don't know which stats we are using and I don't know what kind of restrictions on conferences, if any, will be in play, but it sounds awesome and it also sounds terrifying. It also doesn't help that I can't find any websites with any kind of lists that help. So far I think my list goes
1. Luke Harangody, even though I hate him
2. Cole Aldrich
3. Craig Brackins
4. Sherron Collins
5. Kalin Lucas
6. Evan Turner
7. Devan Downey
8. Greg Monroe
9. Kyle Singler
10. Manny Harris

That's about as far as I can get. When do I take Ralph Sampson do you think? Round 2? Round 3?

- Does anybody else just turn the game off when R.A. Dickey makes an appearance?

- Who's more disappointing than Grady Sizemore (on my fantasy team) this year? Not counting guys who have been injured almost the entire season like Jose Reyes (on my fantasy team). Career lows this season in average, on-base pct, and slugging, including a huge drop in doubles and home runs.

Check this. Career: .281/.372/.496, OPS+ of 126 (equivalent to Justin Morneau in his career)
This year: .227/.326/.433, OPS+ of 96 (equal to Nick Punto last year)

I might be crazy here, but I'm going to go ahead and toss out the steroids card.

- Correct me if I'm wrong, but last year didn't Gardy throw a fit about how you couldn't blame Guerrier for melting down at the end of the season because he was overworked? And, once again this season, there is essentially nobody who is good in the bullpen, to the pathetic point that Guerrier is actually important again. So, tell me why, oh why oh why you put Guerrier in when you are down 8-1 in the 8th inning?

- I know I've bashed Shark Week on here more than once or twice, and yes, once again this year it is pretty week, filled with 90% shark attack reenactments which are a complete waste of time, but I did find a big ole gem. The show is called Deadly Waters, and it's exactly what Shark Week used to be; cool new footage with some science mixed in. It's beautiful. It's everything I want out of my shark week. It's straight up awesome. They are replaying it on Discovery at 5pm on Saturday. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

- Direct quote from Dusty's Facebook page, "Toughen up??? I was born tough!"

Carlos the Gomez

As much as it pains me, I think the time has come to admit that Carlos Gomez might be developing into a good hitter. He certainly isn't there yet, but he has made some major improvements this season compared to last, and at the very least is moving in the right direction. Add in his speed and already world class defense, and the Twins just might have gotten a good player back from what was starting to look like a disaster of a Johan Santana trade.

You might not think so to look at the numbers. His batting average (.240) is lower than last year, his OBP (.296) is identical, and his slugging (.378) is marginally up. So why all the praise?

First of all, and most obvious, he's been hot lately, putting up a line of .250/.323/.411 in July - All three numbers are the highest of any month this season. Since June 23rd and through last night, his numbers are .280/.330/.500. If those are numbers he keeps up for a full season - look out.

Digging deeper, he's made some pretty substantial improvements in his hitting. Last year his stats were buoyed by 30 bunt hits - this year he has four. Not because he's forgotten how to bunt for a hit, but because he's been doing it less and working on being a hitter who can hit for extra bases - key given his speed. He has bunted just 15 times this year compared to 66 all last season.

If you take his 30 bunt hits out of his numbers last year, his average drops to .233. This less-reliance on the bunt as a way to get on base is a huge step in his development. This shows in his power. His doubles, triples, and home runs (per AB) are all up from last year, and his isolated power (SLG-AVG) is up by about 40 percent.

Everything points to improvement. His walk rate has nearly doubled, and his strikeout rate has dropped a bit. His Line Drive % is up, and those line drives are taking the place of fly outs, not ground balls. He's showing a much more disciplined approach at the plate. Last year he swung at 37% of pitches out of the strike zone, one of the worst marks in the majors. This year he has drastically cut that down to just 28% (Morneau is at 31%), which has cut his overall pitches swung at percent to under 50%, when last year it was at 60%.

Simply put, he is progressing in a nice way at the plate, which, along with a sometimes circuitous route to some flyballs, was his weakness. If he continues to work on his plate discipline, and he has improved all three years he's played, things could even get better. I'm not quite ready to say he has 30-30 potential or will be a #3 hitter someday like his biggest pimp Snacks believes, but if he played a full season at the level he has since June 23rd, we're looking at a line of .280/.330/.500 with 32 doubles, 16 triples, and 11 home runs (and 16 steals, but I expect this number to get better with more experience).

Can you imagine that as your #2 hitter? Span-Gomez (this version)-Mauer-Morneau-Kubel is pretty damn good start to a lineup. Now if only they could find some pitching.

Well I'm Screwed

Look, I'm not an idiot here. I understand there are really only four things remotely interesting to readers of this blog:

1. Gopher news if From the Barn and the Daily Gopher are both on vacation (and the Gopher Hole is down for maintenance).
2. Live Movie Blogs
3. Drunken ramblings from various cities my job makes me go to
4. Super Sioux Fan posts.

Well, with my company tightening up business travel, I haven't gone anywhere in a while, so strike that. And now even worse news: Super Sioux Fan is on to bigger and better things.

No, she's not dead, although that seems pretty likely with her love of guns and fisticuffs and her whorish mouth and lack of respect for her betters. Nope, she is on to her very own blog, Diary of a Sioux Fan. I made her into what she is, and she runs off like the blog's bicycle she is with nary a word of warning, a heads up, or a good bye. So it's like that then? Now I know how Ben Affleck feels at the end of Good Will Hunting.

Well good luck, jerk ass. If you ever feel like sending us your random thoughts, you will still be published immediately. I hope your blog burns to the ground along with that garbage dump of a city you miss so fondly.

- As long as I'm here, I'll let you people know that I do have the opportunity to do a little business traveling at the end of September. I will be heading for Detroit and Ontario for two nights, and even better, the Twins will be playing the Tigers when I'm there. I realize the game won't matter at that point because the Twins will be mathematically eliminated, but it still gives me a good excuse to check out Comerica.

As a matter of fact, I ordered the tickets today. Thanks to the destroyed economy in Detroit, I was able to get two tickets (I'm traveling with a co-worker) in the front row for just $22 a piece. Seriously, thanks economy. They actually had tickets available for $4, which is just sad, especially since technically that game might end up being important (even though we know there's no chance). Thanks layoffs! Hopefully karma doesn't end up shanking me when I'm walking back to the hotel after the game.

I'm equally scared of Canada. Those people are wackos. Do they take American money? Or do I have to get twoonies and loonies? Terrifying.

- Ok fine, I wasn't going to post tonight but now I'm typing and typing is like a drug to me. So is alcohol. Which I'm currently drinking.

- This story makes me chuckle, particularly because I know one guy (Snake) who is all over this dude's nuts, but Matt Leinart is continuing his downward spiral. Last year he walked in camp as the favorite to win the QB job, but was outplayed by Jesus and lost out to Kurt Warner and his hot wife. This year he's back competing for a job, but according to this article he's now competing with Brian St. Pierre for the back up job. Just reading the words Pierre make me think of Dakota which makes me think of North Dakota which reminds me of the betrayal I just got hit with by Super Sioux Fan. I'm shaking my fist at her right now.

Anyway, this is funny because this guy freaking sucks. He's got the physical tools, but he's got the proverbial ten cent head. Always chasing the muff around. Although the more I look at this picture, the more I think maybe he's making the right decision.

Carry on, Matt, carry on.

- Mrs. W and I watched Spring Break Shark Attack this weekend, the first time I had seen it since it originally aired four years ago, and it is still the third best shark movie ever made. A mostly realistic plot that focuses on the shark as the antagonist (mostly), no terrorists, government agencies, or treasure, no footage of the wrong shark species, and no roaring or revenge involved. It's not like it's a great movie, but in the hierarchy of shark movies it's not that hard to get to the top. If you are looking for some shark stimulation, give this baby a rental.

- I've mentioned this before, but seriously I love what the Pirates are doing. They weren't going to win with the group they had, so instead they just shipped basically everybody away and reloaded with prospects. They traded away a heap of mediocrity (other than McLouth) and got some intriguing prospects back in return.

SP Tim Alderson was ranked the #26 prospect in all of baseball. OF Jose Tabata, who they picked up last year in the Nady/Marte trade, is ranked #32. OF Gorkys Hernandez and SP Jeff Locke, picked up for McLouth, are ranked 88th and 97th.

Add in home grown talent OF Andrew McCutcheon (#19 prospect in baseball) and 3B/1B Pedro Alvarez (#38) and, at the very least, and suddenly a team mired in nightmare mode has six prospects ranked in the top 100. And there are plenty of other guys they picked up who might be outside of the top 100, but lend some upside.

Lastings Milledge was the top prospect in the Mets' system a few short years back, but his attitude more than his aptitude has made the Pirates his third team in two years. The upside is still there. C/1B Jeff Clement, formerly of the Mariners, is in a similar mold. A top prospect a few short years ago, the shine is gone, but he still has potential. Pitchers Jose Ascanio and Kevin Hart, both picked up from the Cubs, have a good chance to be major league contributors. Overall the Pirates picked up ten pitching prospects in just the week before the deadline.

Will it work out? Who knows, but at least they are going for it. I'm officially calling the Pirates my second favorite team - with solid potential to become #1.

- If you're a Down with Goldy facebook friend, I just added a few WonderbabyTM pictures to my account. And if you aren't a friend of DWG, what are you waiting for?

- Ali Larter got married. I'm now dead inside. Seriously. Look at how she looks like a normal person just going to the grocery store.
Yamma-hamma.

- Since I feel I should close with sports, since this is ostensibly a sports blog, I will close with a preview of the three game series vs. the injuns:

Your precious Twinks should have the advantage. Game one is Scott Baker vs. Aubrey Huff, except it's not Aubrey but I don't want to look up the name of some dude who sucks. Game 2 is Liriano vs. Laffey, and it seriously hurts me inside knowing that Cleveland will be favored here. Game 3 is supposed ace BB Gun vs. Fausto Carmona, who has basically fallen off a cliff after that one good season he had that one time.

So they should be able to win 2 of 3 without much trouble. And yet, they won't. I fully expect Huff (who is a lefty) to shut them down in game one, and with Moon Shot Scott on the hill, the Tribe will be putting up at least six. Game 2 Liriano will continue his spiral into David West-ville. Expect a terrible Indians lineup to nevertheless manage to put up double-digits here, with Liriano failing to get through the fourth and a piss poor bullpen not stopping anything. Game 3 is where I see hope breaking through, with Blackie pitching a good game but, as tends to happen, fallen star Carmona finds his 2007 form, the game comes down to bullpens, and well, you know how this ends. Crain Wreck continues his journey to set the major league record for batters faced without recording an out, and the Twins leave Cleveland after getting swept, season over.

Season.

Over.

Squids Squeal? (Live Movie Blog)

Hello, and welcome once again to the idiocy that is a Down with Goldy live movie blog, this time taking on Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep. Your summary, via DirecTV: A Marine Archeologist and Sailors search for an artifact guarded by a Giant Squid. Well ok. Let's roll.

- We start out with a naughty couple making out on the deck of a sailboat, when they hear a noise. Girl, "What's that?" Boy, "Probably just the wind, let's make out." Note here folks, when you hear a noise in a scary situation and you're about to get some, it's never the wind. It's always a monster of some type. This is just common sense.

- Ok, horny couple has a kid, who just so happens to be reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. We are less than one minute in, and this is already the cheesiest movie I've ever seen. I haven't decided yet if that is a positive or a negative.

- Squid got the guy, but only by the ankle. He's still holding on to the mast or whatever it is they have on boats. Meaning a giant squid with the strength to take down a Sperm Whale (hee hee) can't separate some fat middle aged piece of garbage's grip from a boat. Oops, and there goes mom into the water. Less than five minutes in and two deaths. Solid.

- I should have mentioned that it is 1982 here, so that means the kid is going to end up coming back and being the "modern day hero." This movie is so cliche ridden it could be the next Scary Movie, if it wasn't taking itself so seriously already. Although the production designer's name in the opening credits is "Tink." I wish I was kidding. I suppose I wouldn't want my name attached to this garbage either.

- Apparently in the "present day" female marine archeologists, which I'm not quite certain are even a real thing, are quite busty and feel like the proper uniform for research is a skimpy bikini. I told you science was awesome.

- Chick with a giant rack in a bikini now reading off nautical coordinates. This might be my favorite movie ever. Not counting The Lost Boys.

- I recognize this main archeologist girl with the big rack. I'm going to see if I can figure out who she is.

- Ok, she was the female lead in the made for TV version of "Journey to the Center of the Earth" from a couple of years ago. I feel a little awkward admitting I watched that, so I'm going to distract you with this picture of her:

- They just told us the name of the artifact they are looking for, it's a Trojan War Mask, which if you know me in real life is all kinds of funny for reasons I'd rather not admit here. Aren't inside jokes the best. Also some old dude just got garroted by some kind of guide-wire for a sail in a freak accident. I'm guessing it's a curse. And then when he fell overboard he got eaten by the squid kraken. So in order to get the Trojan Mask of Death, you have to deal with a curse, a kraken, and some big breasts. And o dear god that's an O'Connell brother. Not the good one. Awesome just got awesomer.

- Speaking of awesome, my life got a lot easier as the big presentation and what not I have referenced on here went off without a hitch this week. A full on month of work boiling down to 55 power point slides and an hour long presentation, and I nailed it like I nailed your mom. Sometimes I'm so awesome it makes me feel sad for other people.

- FYI, I have a non-sexual man crush on Romany Malco, who you remember as "that black guy from 40-year old virgin." You racist son-of-a-bitch.

- Oh crap, not the good O'Connell is going to end up being that kid who is all growns up. God this is awful.

- Average rating for this on IMDB = 3.9 out of 10. Seems high.

- That O'Connell guy's character's name is Ray Rider. Ray freaking Rider. Who wrote this, a team of 13-year olds and/or Michael Scott?

- This weekend is the start of shark week on discovery by the way. Too bad that doesn't mean dick anymore. Shark Week used to mean a whole assload of new shows with new footage and a bunch of very awesome stuff, but now it's just discovery taking their "popular" shows like Mythbusters and Junkyard Wars and shoe-horning in a shark theme. It's gone commercial and sold out. I barely even look forward to it anymore.

- Oh for christ's sake the squid just roared. It roared. Why must everything roar. It's the bane of my existence. If I was LIU, it's my Miles Tarver. Also I've had a couple of beers to celebrate my awesome meeting that I kicked ass at earlier this week.

- There was just a lot of dramatic music, but I'm not sure anything actually happened. That hot chick is in a wetsuit and hyperventilating, so I'm going to assume she must have seen the Squid. Or O'Connell's penis.

- I just read that the Pirates would have taken Aaron Hicks straight up for Freddy Sanchez. Since Hicks has slowed in his development and is hitting just .216 at A ball this year, and we have a ton of outfielders + Ben Revere in the minors, and we would have gotten 2 years at least of Sanchez, wouldn’t you have made that trade? Maybe I should just be happy they did anything at all, but if that's all it took to get Sanchez, coupled with how easy it turned out to get Cabrera, why not get both? Harris is your utility guy, and then take your pick of Punto/Casilla/Buscher and ship the other two to Rochester.

- Well they got their Trojan Mask. That Squid isn't much of a guardian. New troubles are arising, however, because we just saw a second boat pull into view with a bunch of evil looking people all dressed in black. I'm going to guess, based on this movie's complete dependence thus far on stealing formulaic elements from every other movie, that these are the bad guys.

- Some rednecks are now out fishing at night. This has nothing to do with anything, except I'm guessing they can't figure out a way to have the Squid kill more people that fits in with the plot, flimsy as it is. Sorry rednecks. Although this would actually be a pretty good idea in real life. Kill all useless rednecks. Sorry Snake.

- I think I've mentioned this here before, but Rick Reilly used to be a really good columnist when he wrote for the back page of Sports Illustrated. Now, however, he's some kind of combination of Pat Reusse's lack of research and Sid Hartman's senility, culminating in this column about how Tiger Woods needs to stop getting angry on the golf course. My god, what a woman. He swears, he slams clubs, it's corrupting all our children. Shut up. Just shut up and stop being such an idiot. He's allowed to show emotion. I could write on and on about this but it would basically just me calling Reilly an idiot a whole bunch of different ways, so I'll stop.

- I think the bad guys just recruited big boob archeologist's deckhand to do something nefarious. Not sure what exactly, but they beat him up, then threw an envelope of money at him, and then asked "Are we clear?" So expect some ninja type sabotage in the future.

- NOTE: Every time the Trojan Mask has changed hands, it's been associated with a major marine accident. Also Not Jerry O'Connell just confirmed what I had feared - he is indeed the little boy from the opening scene. WHAT A CRAZY PLOT TWIST!

- Yep, big boobs' boat just blowed up. Now she, the other big boob girl, and Not Jerry O'Connell will have to team up with the bad guys in black who apparently have some kind of connection to big boobs. Also I'm not sure why they are still there since they already have the mask, which is what they wanted in the first place. I hate it when I try to make sense out of this crap.

- There is also a big fancy rich Opal down in this same shipwreck where the lady found the mask, and that's what the bad guys are trying to find. The good guys were trying to find the mask, which they already found, and their boat got blowed up, but they are not only still sticking around, the O'Connell character just bought a brand new boat (I'm assuming with the money Jerry got from Can't Hardly Wait). Also the good guys aren't going to have to team up with the bad guys at all. I lied.

- FYI - Earlier tonight we were watching BB gun pitch, and Mrs. W goes "Is that Nick Blackburn?" I said yes and she sighed in a very sexual way. Damn.

- Jerry O'Connell's brother now thinks this isn't a giant squid at all, it's the mythical Scylla from the Odyssey, and it's still around guarding the opal which I guess they must have mentioned earlier but I missed it, probably because I was counting the dots on my ceiling or mentally going over possible new Twins' batting orders or something more entertaining than this.

- Scylla just ate the girl on the evil team. That's too bad, this is her:


- It took three people to write this. Three. I wonder how long they argued about which movie cliches to put in. Although one of the writes has also written Mammoth (about an unthawed Mammoth that terrorizes New Orleans) and Gryphon (about, naturally, a Griffon (spelled correctly). You got to like that commitment.

- The opal is a translucent blue, even though Opals are supposed to be white. Hooray.

- A bunch of people from both teams went diving and there was a bunch of horrible shaking cameras and some people shot other people with harpoons and some people got crunched by Scylla and I think I saw somebody get stabbed with a knife. I'm not sure. It was hard to figure out what was going on there, especially because the Squid kept making squealing noises like a pig that kept making me black out with rage. It looks like the archeologist with the giant rack and the fake O'Connell are both still alive, as is big rack girls' friend, big rack #2, the lead old man bad guy, and his #1 henchman, who is naturally a Russian. The bad guys have the Opal and rack #1, while O'Connell and rack #2 have the mask. I think.

- Wait. The bad guys have both racks, the Opal, and the traitorous deck hand. On that note, I still don't understand why the bad guys blew up the good guys boat, especially because the old guy said, "if it wasn't for [traitor guy], we wouldn't even be here right now." But the only thing traitor guy did was blow up the boat, which didn't help the bad guys find the shipwreck. Confused? I sure the hell am. I'm drunk and all, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have a clue whats going on either way.

- It's going to be very interesting watching Peavy once he gets back from his injury and now on the White Sox. Not only is he going from the NL, which is weaker and has pitchers bat, to the AL, but he's also leaving Petco Park, the most pitcher friendly park in the majors to U.S. Cellular, a hitter's park. Add in the pressure of a pennant race, and we'll find out how good Mr. Peavy is in a hurry.

- Now the Squid is ramming the boat, which, just like squealing like a pig, is complete normal Squid behavior. Oh, right. This isn't a normal giant squid, it's Scylla from 1,000 BC, still hanging around and guarding some random wrong colored Opal, even though the Opal is now gone and so is the mask. Yeah, awesome, right? And how come we still use BC for dates? I thought we had separation of church and state? This is probably all the republicans fault.

- Jerry OConnell's little brother to the rescue! He's now on the bad guys ship, and is being like Stephen Seagal in Under Siege. See, what really makes some of these movies go straight to hell is when they are too shitty to make the creature the antagonist, and instead have to toss in "bad guys" to play that part. The squid in this movie has come in second to the good buy vs. bad guy conflict, and that's retarded because nobody watched this movie for that garbage. I want to see some kind of kick ass creature kill a bunch of fools. I don't need your subtext of a plot, just give me a scary monster and some blood. Sharks in Venice suffered from this same disease (and also had the worst brother in a family). A giant creature movie writes itself, no need to get cute - especially when cute = retarded.

- The last remaining bad guy held rack #2 hostage, but then the squid grabbed them both and chopped them to bits with it's apparently razor sharp suckers. Then it attacked the boat where Oconnel and rack #1 were hanging out. They are the last two left, so I'm guessing they live and win and get rich and make babies and all that jazz.

- Where the fuck did they get a machine gun?

- I guess a machine gun cuts through a squid like a hot knife through a squid. Movie ends with the "Opal" on the sea floor surrounding by squid babies. SEQUEL!!!!!!

- Formulaic at times, down right confusing when they tried to get more interesting, but overall not the worst movie I've live blogged here (which still doesn't mean it was anywhere near good). Overall I prefer my krakens to look like this:

but whatever. Don't rent this. Or watch it on Sci Fi SyFy.

Twins Make a Trade!!!

The Twins actually made a move to help them out, picking up Orlando Cabrera (.280/.318/.365) from the A's for a guy I've never heard of, Tyler Ladendorf.

Ladendorf is a shortstop, although he's more of a bat then a glove. After struggling at rookie ball last year, he destroyed it this year, hitting .410/.500/.721 in 17 games before being promoted to A ball where he's struggled a bit.

Aaron Gleeman ranks Ladendorf as the 32nd best prospect in the Twins' system, although he says he will likely have to move to another position.

Overall, the Twins got a good player to plug into a big hole, and did it without giving up anything resembling a major talent. I'm happy. I would have been happier with Freddy Sanchez (or both), but I'm happy. It would be fantastic if they could go ahead and acquire a bullpen arm (or starter) in the next couple of hours as well.

Arg.

How is it that I'm actually envious of the Giants? That's not supposed to happen, and yet here we are. Despite a payroll around what the Twins should be able to handle next year ($82 mil), and a rough path to the payoffs (7.5 games out of first in the NL West, 1 game ahead in the Wildcard) they bit the bullet and got the balls to make the kind of the moves the Twins need to make, but refuse.

It culminated today in a trade for Freddy Sanchez, which is almost as disappointing as when my new boss ordered his steak butterflied and medium well at dinner tonight. Sanchez, of course, is the Pirates' (former) second basemen, the guy who won a batting title three years ago, owns a career .300 average, and hits about 30 doubles and ten homers a season. The guy who was exactly what the Twins' needed.

Turns out, the asking price was the #26 prospect in baseball, double-A starting pitcher Tim Alderson. Reading up on him, he is described as a guy with good but not great stuff, but a very smart pitcher who understands how to pitch. You know who that reminds me of? Mike freaking Mussina. Tim Alderson is my new favorite player.

The Giants also picked up Ryan Garko, who, being a Twins fan, you probably remember from the Indians. Nothing spectacular, but an above average hitter and ok fielder who can play first and the outfield and costs almost nothing. They gave up a pitcher named Scott Barnes, who doesn't show up on any best prospect lists anywhere, but has put up some excellent numbers at high A ball this year, and shown some real potential. Exactly the kind of guy the Twins wouldn't ever part with ever in a million years.

And you know what, the Giants probably overpaid, especially for Garko. But you know what else? The Giants desperately needed a first basemen because the guy they had there, the weirdly named Travis Ishikawa, hits the ball like Nick Punto. So they went out and got somebody and did what they needed to do, even if it might possibly have maybe slightly hurt their future in the future.

I salute you Giants GM guy. You had a window, and you took advantage even if you might have hurt yourself in the future. Something the Twins refuse to do, year after year, toiling in mediocrity, never going for it, and never legitimately giving themselves a chance to win anything beyond a division title. Frustrating. Would you rather contend for a division title every year but never have a shot at going any further, or take a chance and have a real title contender once in a while but also have to suffer through some non-contending seasons? I choose the latter.

Sidenote - I really like what the Pirates are doing. That team was so bad, and had no future whatsoever. Blowing the whole thing up and starting over gives them hope, if nothing else.

Sidenote #2 - If they trade Danny Valencia to get two months of a 34-year old shortstop who has the OBP of Nick Punto I quit. I seriously will quit.

Sidenote #3 - Yes, that's a very good sweep of the Sox, it still doesn't change the fact that we don't have a second baseman.