Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Here's What Happened - 4/13/2009

Here is the first installment of the daily updates. I considered other names, like Studs & Duds, The Awesome & The Awful, The Good & the Bad, Yesterday's News, Three Stars, and other stupid crap, but for now have settled on "Here's What Happened." Suggestions are welcome, but not required. Anyway, instead of five entries in each category, I'm just going with three since I'll be hopefully doing this every single damn day now. I hope you choke on it.


1. Zach Duke. Who the hell is Zach Duke? Sounds like either a non-threatening actor popular with the Tweens or a character in the next installment of the Fast and the Furious, am I right? I mean, am I right? Unfortunately not. It turns out he's actually a pitcher for the Pirates, and is throwing some serious cheddar. Yesterday afternoon he completely shut down the Astros, dealing a complete game shut out while giving up just four hits. And it wasn't exactly a one start wonder. Last time out, Duke pitched well against St Louis, giving up just five hits and one earned run in six and a third, and is currently sporting a 2-0 record, an ERA of 0.59 and a WHIP under 1.00 for the suddenly over .500 Pirates - something you don't get to say very often. Zack Attack was a pretty highly regarded prospect when he broke in five years ago, and even finished fifth in the NL RoY voting, but has pretty much sucked since then. Perhaps he's finally putting it all together.

2. Orlando Hudson. I've never been much of an O-Dog fan, partially because Hudson is a city in Wisconsin and everything about Wisconsin sucks donkey ass and partially because his nickname is "O-Dog", but I bit the bullet this year and drafted him as one of the last middle infielders taken in my draft because I had really no choice - it was either him or Punto. The point is that Hudson hit for the cycle yesterday against San Francisco since Randy Johnson is washed up and pitches as poorly as he looks now, adding in three runs and two rbi to go with his four hits. Andre Ethier, also on my fantasy team, added in two homers and four rbi as the Dodgers killed the Giants 11-1 (no mercy rule in play).

3. Travis Snider. I told you about this guy. Two bombs last night, including the game winner in the 8th, to sink the Twins into the depths of a three game losing streak, the likes of which they will never be able to claw their way out of. I think they should probably just go ahead and contract.


1. Rockies Offense. Usually if a team gets 1-hit, you chalk it up to an awesome performance by a hot pitcher, usually someone like Zach Duke, but what happens if you get 1-hit by a combo of four pitchers? That's what happened to the shitbox Rockies yesterday, as the Cubs beat them 4-0 and were a Garret Atkins seventh inning single away from a weirdo combined no-hitter. Ted "the Lilly" Lilly pitched the majority of the game, sailing through six and 2/3rds and giving up just that one single and a couple of walks while striking out 8 to move to 2-0 on the season, and when he was out the Rockies managed to get zero hits against Aaron Heilman, Angel Guzman, and Kevin Gregg to finish out the game. So, in summary, Ted Lilly = good, Colorado Rockies = bad.

2. Chien-Ming Wang. Oof, is Wang awful this year, and especially yesterday. Guess how many innings he pitched yesterday against the Rays? One. One plus, to be accurate, but only one officially, giving up six hits, three walks, and 8 earned runs, but at least he split it out equally giving up four runs in each of the first and the second inning, and as a bonus teaming up with Old Man Posada to give up four stolen bases in that time - two by BJ Upton who is sitting on my DL because I didn't know he was back yet. That makes two starts for Wang, and a total of four and 2/3 ips, 15 hits, 6 walks, and 15 earned runs allowed for a robust 28.93 ERA and 4.50 WHIP, with an opponents BA of .600. What's wong, Wang?

3. Luis Ayala. I'm already more sick of this jackass than I was of Guerrier last year, and we're in week #2. He clearly looks like Gardy's "guy", having pitched in five of the eight games thus far, and looks awful. He's given up 10 hits in five innings, which works out to opponents hitting .435 against him - at least he hasn't walked anybody though, so he fits in with the overall Twins theme. Awful. Just awful.

And that's it for the first ever daily update. As a closing thought, I want you to know that there are thirty people with the name "Jenna Talia" on Facebook. And that's one to grow on.


Anonymous said...

As a partial season ticket holder to the Rockies, here are their problems in short.

A) Todd Helton, fuck me this guy is awful, for 17-18 million the only other guy more overpaid is Tom Cruise (at least his wife is hot). Worse than that is they love him here, he is like Kent Hrbek, but he never won anything. I was the only one booing his ass on opening day, and that will continue until I am beat down by my section or I kill him.

B)Clint Hurdle, worst manager ever. "Hey let's put Huston Street in for the 9th even though the game is tied, then we will pitch to Matt Stairs instead of putting him on first to set up a double play with that fat ass running." That worked great, thanks for making me sit in the fucking rain to piss away a 5-1 lead in the 8th and 9th inning dick.
C)Worst bullpen ever. How do you get rid of Fuentes and somehow get worse in the pen. I mean Juan Berengier is better than B.Fuentes and you still suck.
D) There are more reasons but now I am too pissed to write about them.


WWWWWW said...

Wow. I LOVE this guy.

snacks said...

At least Coors Field is nice. So you've got that going for you. I saw a game there two years ago. Little did I know the team would end up in the world series that year. Plus, the city of Denver itself is pretty cool. Too bad the football team is going to suck again this year.

snacks said...

Oh, and right up the road is Fort Collins, which is filled with easy, liberal, hippie college chicks who are all about free love. I think anon should head up that way and forget about the Rockies for a while.

Anonymous said...

Wang was terrible, but which Yankees pitcher was awesome? Nick Swisher. How the hell does Nick Swisher pitch one inning and strike someone out and give up only a hit? I'm thinking new set-up man. Twins should trade for him straight up for Ayala.

WWWWWW said...

I can get on board with this.

W. Hunting said...

That book you are reading will knock you on your ass.

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