Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Game 6 Live Blog

Hey guys.  Since I can barely ever figure out anything to write about since the Gophers are in the offseason and the Twins suck (actually I have a Twins post in the hopper, should be up tomorrow) I'm going to just live blog Game 6 because hopefully their won't be a Game 7 because I've come to loathe Lebron James.  Go figure.  Also somebody once emailed me to tell me that these aren't really live blogs because the reader can't follow along in real time and they should be called running diaries.  He had a good point, so I tracked him to his house and beat him to death with a chainsaw.  Anyway, we're picking up the game here with 5:50 left in the first quarter, San Antonio up 18-16.

5:20 - Whoa you guys, so weird, but Lebron is bitching at the ref after fat Boris Diaw just went and scored right in his stupid face.  I can't believe I used to consider Tim Duncan a whiner.  He's like Barry Sanders compared to James, and Wade isn't much better. 

3:55 - I think I've figured out a big problem for the Heat.  Mike Miller and Ray Allen are their only good outside shooters, and neither one of them could guard your average player at the YMCA.  Or Boris Diaw, and that's now two more mentions of Diaw than I was expecting to make on this blog this decade.

2:28 - Problem #2 - the crowd just went nuts because Birdman checked in.  Of course they love the guy, he's white.  But he can't guard anybody on the Spurs - except maybe Splitter.  And Shane Battier just took a charge on one end and then banked in a three pointer on the other.  Some hate never dies.

0:53 - Danny Green missed.  That was weird.

2Q, 11:42 - Birdman dives for a loose ball on the ground.  So gritty.

11:00 - Defensive breakdown by Miami leaves Green wide open and he buries it.  It's so ridiculous.  I can't decide if this is on the players or Spoelstra, but it's pretty god damn embarrassing that he ever gets an open look.

9:20 - There isn't a lot of meat in these gym mats.  Also, Tiago Splitter is pretty terrible.

7:58 - Oh man this shit is crazy, but Dwyane Wade is now yelling at the ref about a "missed" call.  What are the odds?

6:56 - If I'm Spoelstra, I immediately bench anybody who passes to Chris Bosh.  And if I'm Popovich I give the ball to Duncan every single time Bosh is guarding him because he has no shot at stopping him.  I guess what I'm saying is, Chris Bosh is the Ron Weasley of this Big Three.

4:32 - Wade now passing up wide open 14 foot jumpers.  It's been surreal watching him in this series.  He's become Joe Coleman.  You know, in theory and all that, not for reals.

4:18 - Birdman saves the ball by diving into the crowd.  He's Puntonian.

2:47 - My wife was a redhead when I met her.  By the time I realized the truth, I was hooked and it was too late.  She's never dyed her hair that shade again.  That's bullshit, right?

1:23 - Jesus Chris Bosh is terrible.  Can't stop Duncan on the block, then misses a short jumper, followed by not hustling down the court and allowing a Tim Duncan uncontested dunk, then misses another jumper, then allows Diaw to come right at him and score.  So ugly.  All the other velociraptors out there must be so embarrassed.  Also, how horrible is it that the Toronto franchise named themselves after a trendy animal (extinct - allegedly) from a trendy movie?  I know the movie is still an all time great and probably one of my top 5 all-time (well, top 10) but it's still stupid.

0:00 - Spurs 50, Heat 44 thanks to a late run by San Antonio and Tim Duncan completely dominating Bosh.  Supernintendo Chalmers was the one who kept the Heat close in the first half, so well, that doesn't bode well for the Heat.

3Q, 11:38 - Ginobilli gives Ray Allen a quick jab step, Allen backs up about 8 feet, Ginobilli with the step back 3.  Allen can still shoot the lights out, but he seriously can't guard anybody.  I don't know what the answer is though, because nobody is very good on the Heat lately.  Maybe Chalmers-Wade-James-Birdman-Haslem?  I dunno.

10:17 - Spurs have completely given the offense over to Ginobilli, simply because Allen is on him.  Their entire offense the last three trips has been Manu driving on Allen, and they've scored on the first two prior to Danny Green trying to drive on Lebron which he really shouldn't do ever.

8:12 - Bosh's offense seems to be to get the ball on the block and pray to the lord baby santa jesus that a double team comes so he can pass it to someone else.  If it seems like I'm being unnecessarily hard on Bosh I assure you it's completely necessary. 

7:29 - Sometimes when I watch him I wonder if Ginobilli is drunk.

5:54 - I've now watch Mike Miller (an all-time fave dating back to his Florida days, by the way) drive to the hoop in traffic for a lay-up and get called for a foul battling for a rebound.  Honest to god I was pretty sure all that guy did was make 3s, get high, and get weed for other people.  Oh, and gets paid like $5 million per year to do it.  While played, Stoner.  Well played.

5:54 - Good hair, too.

4:54 - What's your favorite movie to prominently feature vampires?  I'd say Lost Boys followed by Interview with a Vampire and Lost Boys II. 

3:50 - Not to be outdone, now the entire Heat team is bitching at the refs.  This is looking like we could have some serious unravel potential here.  Spurs 71, Heat 58.

3:22 - Lebron on Parker.  Great defense, Spurs turnover, Battier 3.  Interesting.

1:36 - Awesome.  After the Heat pick up a little momentum scoring five straight with Lebron checking Parker, Lebron drives to the rim and gets bumped a little and decides to sit on the floor and whine to the ref instead of hustling back which leads to Ray Allen trying to guard Parker and you know how that probably turned out. 

4Q, 11:40 - I think Mario Chalmers has like, 30 points.  He's pretty much kept them in the game.  Now Miami has Lebron, Miller, Allen, Birdman, and Chalmers in the game.  Weird lineup, but they've scored the first five of the quarter to cut it to 75-70.

10:24 - Now a four point game after a Miller 3.  I'm thinking maybe we get Splitter out of there now, yeah?

7:55 - Lebron making this interesting by kind of totally taking over the Heat offense.  Like he probably could have been doing many, many times prior to now.

7:08 - Seems like we got ourselves a ballgame.  82-80 Spurs.

6:34 - Tie game.  Lebron just thriving without Wade and Bosh in the game.  Kind of fascinating. 

4:43 - Lebron keeps getting into the lane for lay-ups (87-84 Heat).  It's impressive how he's taken over the game, but Spurs need to force him into shooting jump shots . Like that, the one he just missed.  I know all.

1:47 - San Antonio ball down by 3.  I keep forgetting to type stuff. 

1:27 - Holy Tony Parker step back three. Wow.

0:58 - And a steal by Parker, followed by a bucket by Parker to put the Spurs up two.  This is fantastic.  I just wish I was drunker.

0:37 - Holy crap.  James somehow ends up with Parker on him, takes him into the lane, and then just straight up loses the ball which leads to a run out 2-on-1 for the Spurs which leads to Ginobilli making both and a 93-89 Spurs lead.  What a turnaround.

0:28 - Lebron airball.  This is not going to help his "chocker" legacy.  And, you're never going to believe this, but he's bitching at the ref that he got fouled.  Also, I'd have to double check, but when did Wade come back in the game?  Was that when shit fell apart?

0:20 - Lebron absolutely bricks a three, then Mike Miller (???!!?!?!?) gets the offensive rebound and finds James again who makes this one, and we're at 94-92 Spurs.  The real problem I'm having is I hate Lebron, yet I hate the irrational Lebron haters even more.  I don't know what to root for.  Hopefully I suffer a stroke of some kind and don't know what ends up happening.  Can you still get a boner if you have a stroke?  This is important.

0:19 - Leonard misses the first.  Shit just got real.

0:05 - Lebron misses the three (of course) but after an o-board Ray Allen nails the tying shot (of course).  Also, I think we may have a Chris Webber situation here.  Please hold.  Wait nevermind they're reviewing that shot which was a clear 3-pointer.  Also, way not to have Duncan out there so Bosh, who is a tremendous pussy don't forget, could get that huge offensive rebound. 

0:00 - And we're heading to overtime.  Well shit.

0:00 - Seriously I think if the Heat just leave Wade on the bench for OT they win.  Otherwise they lose.  Somebody bet me.

4:39 - Allen opens OT by shooting a 2-pointer.  What a dummy.  Also, they seriously give each team 3 timeouts per overtime?  That's outrageous.  Also, that turnaround jumper by James from 18 feet when he doesn't have that shot in his arsenal and was only also lightly guarded was outrageous.  Also, because shit is happening really quickly here, I think Manu Ginobilli is shockingly dumb for how much basketball he's played in his career.

3:24 - I can't think of a single good reason fro Boris Diaw to be in the game.  Other than that huge offensive board he just grabbed.  I'm an idiot.

2:42 - You're never going to believe this, but Ray Allen is pretty sure he didn't foul Tony Parker there.  Didn't Allen used to be a pretty straight up class act?  Effing Wade and Lebron.  It's like when those guys in Dazed and Confused turn Tim Lincecum into a pothead.  HOW'D THAT ALL TURN OUT, STONERS?  Now he's terrible.

1:18 - Allen looks seriously rejuvenated here, like he's in takeover mode.  He's even driving to the hope and other Jesus Shuttlesworth things like that and I think he just blocked a shot.  If he keeps going he's going to end up in a threesome with pornstars. 

0:40 - Ginobilli now appears to be point shaving.  Also, that ball was off Lebron.  Straight up great defense by Green, and, this will come as a shock, Lebron is bitching at the ref.

0:31 - Bosh with the biggest defensive play of the game blocking Parker's jumper like he was Hakim Warrick.  I will admit I really didn't see that one coming.

0:02 - So bizarre.  Spurs take Parker out when the Heat have the ball for some reason I either haven't been paying attention to or don't understand.  Then the Heat miss and Spurs have the ball with 10 seconds to go, and rather than call timeout to get Parker back in the game they let the point shaver go barrelling into the lane like a 2nd grader who just learned to dribble?  Which, of course, leads to a turnover and two Ray Allen free throws to put the Spurs up 3?  Fuck me.  Heat win another championship.


1 comment:

Fat Drunk and Stupid said...

I enjoyed this more than the actual game.