It is with a heavy heart that I report Mike Redmond, backup catcher extraordinaire, has signed with the Cleveland Indians and will no longer be a Minnesota Twins.
Most often described as a "gritty", "hustley" prankster, Redmond may have been completely terrible at the plate and only registered one season better than league average in the five years he played with Minnesota and never broken more than 272 at-bats (all while playing terrible defense with an arm worse than Johnny Damon's) but nobody could keep a clubhouse looser, and we all know how important chemistry is on a baseball field (how he never won an MVP is beyond my reckoning.) Best known for taking batting practice naked, running around the clubhouse naked, and jerking off teammates when they were in hitting slumps, Redmond will be hard to replace and the team may suffer next year without him around.
I'm kidding of course. That guy sucks and he annoys the crap out of me. Good riddance. If they picked him over Jose Morales as the backup to Mauer again I was going to have to drive to Bill Smith's house and go Mark David Chapman on him.
- Hell, as long as I'm here I might as well mention a couple of other Twin-related stories, but these both actually bum me out (and weirdly are both Padre related).
First, and this was pretty much a pipe dream from the start, Heath Bell resigned with the Padres for 1-year/$4 million. I never really expected the Twins to go after him, and especially after they picked up Clay Condrey (as if he's the answer), but I still hoped. Actually at $4 million for one year for a team that will struggle to win 70 games you can pretty much guarantee Bell will be available right around the trade deadline. Expect a bunch of teams to show interest, me to get excited the Twins might get him, and then Bell to end up on the Red Sox.
Second, the Glen Perkins for Kevin Kouzmanoff rumors are done since the Pads dealt Kouz to the Athletics. Kouzmanoff heads to Oakland for two mediocre outfielders, including Scott Hairston who played mediocrely for San Diego already from 2007-half of last season, and Aaron Cunningham who has hit .211 in 133 career at-bats since being drafted in 2005. This is the third time both of these guys have been traded. You're telling me Perkins wouldn't be more attractive than these two clowns? Seriously Smith, Perkins isn't good. His upside is a middle reliever. You should have made this trade.
But none of that disappointment can compare to no longer having Redmond around. My soul hurts. Who will be the naked Twin now? Hopefully J.J. Hardy, he's one sexy son of a bitch.