(pic added, just for Snake)
14:00 - Watching the game on tape delay, and I wasn't going to type up anything or live (taped) blog this, but it's time to say lazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazy. Sampson walks through the paint while a shot is in the air. Westbrook walks out to defend his man. Johnson lets the dribbler go right past him in transition. Hell, Hoffarber has looked like crap defensively but I'm actually more proud of him than anybody else because at least he's trying, he just doesn't have the ability. Seriously, this a pathetic effort. I try harder to listen when Mrs. W is talking about The Biggest Loser, and god knows I'm not trying very hard.
12:02 - I don't hate aggessive-brook, but jesus christ he drives me batty some times. There's a difference between being aggressive and just throwing up anything. You aren't Glen Rice. You don't have a "zone" like that. Calm the hell down. Of course, there are times where it's needed. I'm just saying. Not right now.
11:40 - we finally hit a tv timeout, and I'm pretty sure we just went all the way to the under 12 without a break. I could be wrong. I've had a few drinks. We had a work thing (thus the reason I'm watching this on Tivo). Oh, you want to know what I had? I went with the Buffalo Ribeye (that's bison, not buffalo sauce, which I already had to explain once tonight) with fingerling potatoes and a couple absolut tonics. No salad, because the communist restaurant we went to didn't have caesar salad. What the F?
11:23 - Huh. So even if you miss a timeout, they just give back to back ones even if you're under 12 minutes already. Interesting. I guess the Marines and the National Geographic Channel aren't just gonna sell themselves. (NOTE: I love the Nat Geo channel. Naked Science and Hooked! are both awesome).
11:00 - I think Mrkovic has had his shot blocked six times already. No joke. I should also mention here that Northwestern isn't running that queer zone. I'd bet anything they bust in out to start the second half. Also Mrkovic just had his shot blocked again, this time Rodney rejected it so hard Mrkys boyfriend died.
9:20 - Nobody in history has missed as many close-in shots as Paul Carter. It's not possible.
8:37 - By the way, the T-Wolves were down 40-16 after the first quarter tonight. It's the only time a Minnesota team has been outscored by 24 points in one quarter. Not counting Gopher football. *rimshot*
7:20 - Bostick for three! I'm telling you, he'd be the leading scorer in the Missouri Valley, not counting that dude from Drake.
5:56 - Tie ball game at 21 after a Damian dunk. That's two fantasy points, bitches. And a Westbrook three gives the team the lead after a steal off the press that for some odd reason wasn't run at all against the turnover prone Spartans. But we aren't allowed to question Tubby. Forget I said that.
5:31 - Shurna dunk. That's two fantasy points, bitches.
4:45 - By the way, if you haven't yet, check out the recruiting class Pastner is bringing in at Memphis next year. It's so good that I am pretty sure I'm going to write a post about it at some point, but if you want a preview check it out. It makes the Fab Five or this year's Kentucky class look like your typical Monson class (Minnesota, not Gonzaga).
4:15 - I have no idea what this offense is, but two Gophers just made the same cut, from the same spot to the same spot. I'm going to assume that's not correct.
3:25 - Holy crap the Twins actually signed Thome? Awesome. I love this. Snacks and I had a nice email conversation about this today. They play Thome every 3rd game or so against righties (sitting Delmon and putting Kubes in left) and use him as a big bat late off the bench for anyone of their constant myriad of light-hitting infielders and it works very well, depending on price, which I haven't seen yet.
3:00 - a bunch of steals and some points happened while I typed that. Gophers now lead 31-23.
2:55 - one year, $1.5 million with another $750k in possible incentives? Freakin' steal. I love this. Please don't be old and suck.
1:00 - Carter misses another tip inside. He's cursed.
0:45 - I see why Northwestern ranks so awful in getting their shots blocked on offense. They just don't care who is around. Any of those crazy white boys is willing to just take the shot at any time no matter who might be lurking. Gotta be honest, not sure that's a winning strategy.
0:02.4 - Quote from Gardy "I don't expect him to come off the bench and be a .400 hitter. I expect him to come off the bench and be a threat," Gardenhire said. "He looks like stinkin' Babe Ruth. He swings like Babe Ruth. We've seen too many fly against us. Now let's see some fly for us." I love it. Let's let this moment be a philosophy shifter.
HALF - Gophers lead 33-25. At this point you'd probably be thinking everything is going swimmingly. Gophers lead by more than half of what they were favored by and really dominated the back half of the first half, so everybody be happy and dance and eat hot dogs. Well guess what, Gomer? We still haven't seen that queer little press, so let's not start making out with each other while the green guy watches from the corner just yet, k?
19:45 - There's the zone, and they work the ball inside and get an easy six-footer from DJ. Beautiful. Perfect, even. Why can't I believe it'll be that way every time?
18:50 - Northwestern gets three shots that possession, which is embarrassing all by itself, but somehow airballs two of them. I'm smelling rout.
17:49 - Ben Sheets got more than $8 million for one year? Yamma hamma, it's fright night. Interesting, and expensive, gamble, but say he is back to his old form and they can ship him out at the trade deadline to a contender? Could be genius. Probably not, but could be.
15:35 - Gophers handling the zone inexplicably well. A lot of ball movement, good use of Ralph in the high-post (I'd bet he already has a season-high in assists this game, and a lot of penetrating the gaps (*thatswhatshesaid*)
15:05 - Gophers go with the second-unit crap, and for some reason Carmody pulls the zone off and goes back to man. If ever a group of ballplayers was begging to be passively 1-3-1'd it's these guys. Cobbs? Williams? Carter? Bostick? One ballhandler in the group and he's an overexciteable (yet full of promise) freshman. And you want Iverson to play your high post? If he doesn't end up scoring a bucket on an attempted lob pass at some point this year I'll be a monkey's uncle.
14:42 - Shurna heating up. That's like 3 three pointers this half, and the lead is down to six.
13:41 - Bostick throws the lob to an open Williams that sails into about the 13th row. When he is pulled, immediately, from the lineup Tubby calls him right over to talk - what do you say here? Next possession and Hoffarber tries the lob to Williams and it's another misfire and another turnover. See, now this is where you need to put a stop to this shit. It's only a six-point lead, you can't be farting around like you're playing open gym against a bunch of guys in backwards hats who wear gold chains to play ball. This needs to be a timeout/chewout situation. He got Bostick out of there in a hurry, but golden boy Hoffarber is still in the game. Could Tubby be a racist? He did coach in the deep south, Oklahoma, and Kentucky. I assume those are the three racist capitals of the world. I think they got to Tubby. It certainly explains a lot about why Busch played so many minutes last year.
12:18 - Fun rant and all, but it's now a four-point game.
12:04 - two point game after a Wildcat steal. At least Tubby has the decency to call the timeout right away instead of waiting for the tv stoppage like a whole bunch of other idiots always do.
11:01 - Devoe and Johnson discuss who should guard "Juice" on the inbounds play, even pointing and making hand gestures. Then they both leave him, giving him a wide open three-pointer without him even making a cut (or, actually, so much as a step) and he, of course, knocks it down to make it a 42-41 Gopher lead. This team is going to kill me. Literally knife me to death in my sleep.
10:05 - At least Ralphie is showing some aggression tonight, continuing to slowly develop into the player I always said he'd be before I turned my back on him a few weeks ago. Bad fan? Or master motivator? Just because he's ignored my facebook friend request doesn't mean he doesn't read this blog every single day.
9:20 - Devoe throws it away against the 1-3-1 (7th team turnover of the half) and the Wildcats get the ball back down just two. I'm afraid to watch.
8:29 - Alternating shitty possessions before Ralph gets open for a monster dunk. He'll probably end up breaking a backboard at some point. If Tiny Gallon can do it, why not Ralph?
7:57 - Carter misses a layup on the break. I'm not even kidding. That guy needs to go back to 6th grade gym class with Mr. Jones where he made you shoot layups over and over again, and then when he finally let you play three-on-three and you had to guard some massive girl who had six inches and sixty pounds on you would call you for a foul if you so much as hand-checked even a little. And I swear it was just a handcheck, no hanky panky. Although, now that I think about it, that might have been a golden opportunity. God I was a dumb twelve-year old.
5:57 - Cobbs back in and Northwestern is once again in a man defense. It's like they're scared of him. Pretty sure the only entity that needs to fear Cobbs is the backboard. Oh, and Juice hits a three right over him when he closes out weakly and lazily, and we're tied at 48. They lose this I'm not going to a game the rest of the year, and it's time get after Tubby. No joke.
5:08 - Shurna to the line after a DJ turnover. My good buddy and occassional hockey guy Snake has a theory that Damian is on the take, and sometimes it seems to make sense. For all the little things he does really well, he also does a whole lot of little things wrong. Watch him carefully sometime, it's true. Shurna makes 1.
4:45 - Hoff for three, Gophers by two. I'm starting to think if Hoff was standing in Dinkytown taking volunteers to give him handies I'd be second in line (behind the Dawger.)
4:09 - Hoff for three again. That's nine straight Gopher points for him. I'm pretty sure I'd be first, and with a variety of lotions.
3:15 - Lest you thought this was over, Nash hits a three, then a steal on a shitty Devoe pass leads to a Nash layup and we're back to a two point Gopher lead. At least my Northwestern +10.5 looks good. Unlike that shot Devoe just chucked up there that missed everything but the backboard. Good lord does he clench at the end of close games. I hope Corey doesn't have that same trait, or he's going to go to the podium to announce his decision and instead of saying "UCONN" he's going to blurt "UMASS." It's funny cause UMASS sucks.
2:30 - Hoff for three on a great great great pass/decision by Westbrook on a play where I would have expected him to force his own shot. Very impressed by that play.
2:20 - Terrible defense by Devoe, completely losing Shurna, but that was at least nullified by a nice DJ lay-in on yet another great pass by Ralph. I knew this was going to the wire. 61-56 Gophers. And we've seen our first "HOFFARBER FACTOR" graphic ever. Congrats?
1:21 - According to "Chad Ford", Greg Monroe isn't a lottery pick this year. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. There are four good picks this year: Monroe, Wall, Favors, and Turner. Who wants to bet the Wolves end up at three or four, but take somebody like Ed Davis? I'd bet anything. Except my vodka.
1:21 - I just looked further (dont' worry, game is paused) and Ford has Monroe as the #23 prospect behind guys like UNC's John Henson, who looks like a 6-10 Tayshaun Prince, if Prince was scared of contact, and Willie Warren, who is too small to play the 2 and too shitty to play the point. This is baffling to me. I'm baffled. I suppose I'm better off watching the end of the game instead. But I'm terrified. I almost want to just skip to the end. I won't. I can't. I'm going to watch the whole thing because I'm strong. I'm like the Sojourner Truth of gopher bloggers.
0:55 - Joseph misses a wide open three with the Gophers up three. You cannot miss that shot when your #1 skill is three-point shooting. You cannot.
15.6 - Northwestern gets a terrible shot and misses, rebound out of bounds to the Gophers, but not before Juice goes right by Joseph. Thanks to terrible decision making he kicks it out instead of scoring somehow. Looked a lot like somebody playing a video game and hittng the wrong button. Whatever, we'll take it.
10.6 - Devoe misses the front-end, but Hoff snags the O-board and gets fouled. Remember what I said above? Double it. Blake makes both and we're looking at the rare team win and wager win. Nice.
3.5 - Juice hits a forty-footer and we're looking at a two point game. Not even the Gophers can blow this, right? RIGHT?
3.5 - I want you to know that Cartier Martin scored 20 tonight for Golden State. Apparently anybody can put up huge numbers in that offense. Suck it, Curry (and, by extension, Dawger).
3.0 - Westbrook free throw good. Carmody timeout. Hoffarber montage. Westy free throw. Ballgame.
It wasn't exactly impressive, but at this point I'm not really looking for style points. Just win the game. And they did. I'd write more but I'm tired. This team is exhausting.