The Lone Gopher Highlight

Personally this was one of the most disappointing losses in a long time. Illinois overachieved considering their god awful season thus far and the Gophers, in my opinion, underachieved considering they were at home, had a much better conference record, and something to play for (NCAA bid).

In hind sight this game shouldn't have come as such a suprise. Illinois was 2-9 in conference play heading into last nights game but 8 of their 9 losses came against the top 5 teams in the conference. IU needed double OT to scrap out a win last Thursday at Illinois. I was hoping that the Illini would come out emotionally drained from such a tough game in which they pissed the game away at the charity stripe (.47 FT %). Needless to say, Illinois owns the Gophers and can always count on us for a quick pick me up. We are like their late night booty call that they can always count on no matter the circumstances to have their way with. Either our place or theirs, whatever is most convenient for them.

The Gophers didn't start out quite as flat as they did against Sconi and OSU. They kept in within 10 for the majority of the 1st half and cut the lead to 6 at half.

Then all holy hell broke loose in the 2nd half. The gophers couldn't buy a bucket and Illinois couldn't miss. Illinois was considered an athletic team that couldn't shoot (.438 FG %, .061 % FT % and .311% 3P%). Against old Dr. Feelgood their numbers improved dramatically (.59 FG%, .708 FT% and .538 3P%). Illinois' lead went from 4 to 25 in like 5 minutes. I wanted to gauge my eyes out with a Buffalo Wild Wings plastic fork.

The Gophers didn't force many turnovers (11) and didn't capitalize on the few the few they did force. They were just never able to sustain any momentum. Bottom line is the Gophers aren't a very good team and have overachieved most of the year. Tubby has squeezed all the juice he can from this lemon of a team. I can take comfort in the fact that we didn't lose to NDSU in basktetball this year.

This is just what we needed going into our annual road trip to Madison. This completely demoralized team may lose by 50 this Saturday. Accompanying us this weekend will be The Woz. One of my all-time greatest antagonists. There is nothing more in life he enjoys then seeing me suffer. The happiest years of his life were 1997 - 2001 because the Twins were at rock bottom, the Gophers basketball team suffered a near death sentence and the Vikings lost in the NFC Championship twice. My next report may be a live blog from a Madison jail cell where I await arraignment for stabbing The Woz.

More Golf, Less Gophers

Obviously, I have no real comments on the Gopher game, since I'm out in Pasadena and can't watch it. The good news is, the company I work for rented out Warner Brothers studios for us tonight and plied us with free booze until midnight. The bad news is the score of that abortion of a game. All I know, is Snacks called me to say "It's the eight minute timeout and the Gophers are down 22 and we're leaving" and then Dawger called me to say "I really don't want to recap that game." Well, Dawger better recap that game or he's fired.

Looking at the boxscore, the turnovers were even, the rebounds were even, but Illinois shot 59% and the Gophers shot 33%. So much for that vaunted defense. Also nice to see Dan Coleman not show up, finishing with 5 points and 3 rebounds. Also very weird is Travis Busch played four minutes and took 3 shots. That can't possibly be a good sign. Luckily I'm way too drunk to bother writing because I have to get to bed because my asshat of a boss decided I need to be at a meeting at 7am. Thanks.

But the real good news, is we have a new PGA post from Grand Slam.

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Well for all of you disappointed ass clowns who were so disappointed at me last week for not talking about Phil Mickelson's tight shirts, or how big his man breast are.....sorry to disappoint you again. Phil missed the sunday cut, therefore we will not be talking about him this week. So for you who need your weekly man breast fix, you will have to get it from your gay porn collection.

As for the golf tournament itself, did anyone else feel like they were watching the American Century Celebrity Golf Tournament at Lake Tahoe?? I mean for gods sake, all it was for the first 3 days of coverage was celebrities......Boring!!! Its like all of a sudden they got to Sunday and realized that they should maybe show some PGA tour players, hence the reason they play on the PGA Tour. But in all honestly there was alot of drama when it came to the professionals. Part way through the 4th round, Vijay Singh had a 4 shot lead until the back 9 came calling. With bogeys on the 10th, 14th, 15th, and 16th and a inward nine of 39, that is not gonna win you alot of golf tournaments when in contention on sunday afternoons. The result was a man who hasn't won on the tour in 7 years, and was playing this year on a minor-medical exemption.

Steve Lowery who was ranked #305 in the World Golf Rankings coming to the tournament received a nice little paycheck, along with a 2 year exemption on the PGA Tour, and a little trip down Magnolia LN come April (That's the Masters for you idiots who don't know) As for Vijay, a man who has seemed to really choke tournaments away in the last couple of years, continued his trend.

This week the Tour will head to legendary Riviera CC for the 2008 Northern Trust Open, formerly know as the Nissan Open. This week 17 of the top 20 players in the world will tee it up. A couple of notables will be making their first PGA tour start of the year in Sergio Garcia and Adam Scott. Although you do need to hit it a long ways at Riviera, putting is always the key to winning here.

That being said, my pick to win this week is young Hunter Mahan.

Talk to you fools next week.

Illinois

No time for a Gopher/Illinois preview due to the sales meeting, but here’s a picture anyway. There apparently are no attractive Illini fans who get their picture taken, so here's an alleged picture of some Bears fans. Gophers 72, Illinois 64.

I wrote this on the plane, due to the fact that my boss was sitting just a few rows away from me. I figured if he glanced back and saw me on the computer, he’d assume I was working and think I was some kind of hard worker guy. Genius, I know. So here you go.

Being about halfway through the Big Ten season, why not grade the Gopher players thus far through the season? I think From the Barn did this earlier in the season, but I’m on a plane, and, as such, can’t really look it up and link to it.

Dan Coleman: The numbers are nice, leading the team in both scoring and rebounding, but the problem is, this is what was expected. Two years ago. He’s now developed where he should have been two years ago. You can blame that on Monson if you want, and he surely deserves some of the blame, but not all. Couple that with his tendency to disappear in big games, and you come out to here. C-

Spencer Tollackson: Tough to grade, seeing as how I expected nothing and have seen, well, almost nothing. He had an excellent game against Northwestern, and has had a good game here and there, but in general hasn’t been impressive. It’s clear he’s worked hard on his footwork and offensive game, as often times the moves are there, he just doesn’t have the natural ability to actually score the ball. A good passer and decent defender for a big man, and much improved at the free throw line since some early season embarrassment. B-

Lawrence McKenzie: Have to give him credit for changing his game, although he seems to have changed it to the point where he’s become completely schizophrenic. He’s either run the offense and distribute McKenzie, or offensively taking over, looking to score McKenzie. If he could find a way to blend those together, he’d be a heck of a player. As it is, he’s half a player all of the time. Playing very solid defense this year helps him out. C+.

Al Nolen: Seeing as how there were rumors swirling after Tubby was hired that Nolen wasn’t a Big Ten caliber recruit, I wasn’t expecting much at all out of him. He’s quickly become a top defender on the team. Clearly the best at taking the ball, although I don’t think he’s the actual best defender on the team, at one point I believe Ken Pomeroy had him leading the country in steal percentage, or at least close to it. Has moments of excellent offensive play, whether knocking down the three or getting into the lane. Still has plenty of freshmen moments, and makes some decisions that look downright Burlesonian in nature, but looks to have an excellent future in front of him. A-

Blake Hoffarber: Another freshman who I wasn’t expecting much from. I’m not ready to say I’m pleasantly surprised by Hoffbauer just yet, as he’s a shooter and that’s it. He’s had his moments, but the remainder of his game isn’t up to speed just yet, to the point where against more athletic teams he’s getting very little playing time, and the Big Ten is just going to improve over the next three years (it has to, right?) I’m very much hoping he develops his game to the point where he can create his own shot, get to the rim, and actually play defense, both on and off the ball, and doesn’t become just another version of Shamala. I do believe he will become a capable player. B-.

Lawrence Westbrook: L-Dub was a guy who you knew had to have the ability to score, as he came in with quite a reputation (PJS has a well done post on him, if you care to find it). He was tentative last season, and I was hoping he would take a step forward in his sophomore year or end up transferring. Happily, he’s done the former, and looks to be an important cog in the Tubby rebuilding machine. This year he’s asserted himself on the offensive end, both inside and out, as well as showing that he’s not one dimensional, becoming the best perimeter defender on the team, both on and off the ball. I expect Westbrook to take another step forward next year, when he’ll be looked upon to score even more, as well as become a team leader. A-

Jonathan Williams: Um, I don’t know? Has he played extended minutes, ever? I suppose I have to rate him kind of far down, as he seemingly hasn’t made any strides since last season. Although I did see him make a left handed baby hook in one game, so I guess that’s something. Still, he’s going to need to develop in a hurry to help out next season, and if this season is any indication, it’s not likely to happen. D

Damian Johnson: Wow. If Westbrook took a step forward this year, DJ took three. Most of last season it wasn’t even clear who was the better recruit, Kevin Payton or Johnson, and now we’ve gotten to the point where one should probably transfer and the other has pretty much locked up a starting role for the next two years. He still has plenty of work to do on the offensive game, as it pretty much consists of layups, put backs, and garbage baskets right now. However, even if his offensive game never develops beyond what is now, as disappointing as that would be, he will still be a valuable part of the team due to his defense, rebounding, and energy. A

Jamal Abu Shamala: I haven’t exactly been subtle in my opinion of Shamala here at DWG, and the Northwestern game isn’t going to change it. Shamala is a shooter, and he’s very good at what he does. But that’s all he does. He can’t play defense, he can’t create for himself or his teammates, and he’s pretty much a liability out there against any team with athleticism. As he showed against Northwestern, he does have a place out there against poor teams who can’t exploit his slowness afoot, which why I still think he would have been better off going to a mid/low major program, but he wanted to play at the U, and I can respect that. I just can’t respect his defense. I guess in fairness, it is pretty much what I expected this year out of him. D-

Kevin Payton: I honestly can’t figure out what led Monson to give him a scholarship, but then again, Scout also gave him three stars. Where is that game? He has to have completely changed, because the Payton that (rarely) gets out there for the Gophers has the offensive game of Miles Tarver, without the defense or rebounding, and makes Kevin Burleson decision making look like Arriel McDonald. Absolutely baffling. He averaged 20 a game in high school, and I have no idea how. Still, when he has played he does show a lot of heart (did I really just write that?) and is a decent defender. Plus, he seems to have accepted his limited role without being a problem. D

Travis Busch: Is anybody else sick of the undersized white kid from Minnesota who works his ass off to get playing time and even though has little to no skill has all the hustle and grit in the world? Anybody else? It’s become quite a sickening and annoying tradition on the Gophers, and Busch is just the latest incarnate. Plus, he wears a shooting sleeve. On his off arm. Go away. F

Ryan Saunders: Unpossible to grade, since it appears he’s never going to actually play. Snappy dresser though. I’m going to give him a grade anyway. F

Tubby Smith: It would be pretty easy to give Tubby an A+, just for the recruiting class. Seeing as how I don’t believe Dan Monson had a class that was ever ranked better than 337th in the NCAA, and Tubby comes in with number 20, that’s pretty amazing. Seems to be a good game coach as well so far. I have some serious questions about some of the lineups he tosses out there at times, but when your talent is so limited, I suppose you have to try things at times that may seem a bit weird. A few times the team has seemed pretty unprepared as well, but it doesn’t seem to be an epidemic, and I feel the blame mainly falls on the players in those cases. A

Rico Tucker: A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

2008 Minnesota Twins Offensive Forecast

Exciting title from The Sidler, no?

Before I break down YOUR 2008 Minnesota Twins, two notes:

1. Anyone interested in any Daytona 500 posts? I expect "no" or "F no" will be the response, but I thought it was worth checking.

2. Despite their record, the Indiana Hoosiers are damn disappointing this year. Main culprit - their offense looks like one you'll see during a pick-up hoops game at the YMCA.

On to the Twins. These are an average of Baseball Think Factory's ZIPS projections and Baseball Prospectus' PECOTA forecasts. Strangely, BTF has every Twins infielder rated better than BP while BP likes the outfielders more. Not sure what that means. I've compared OPS to the league average for each player's respective position because that's one of the main ways I judge a player's offensive value. Basically, Mauer is incredibly valuable because he's compared to other catchers while Morneau is only slightly above league average since dudes like Poo-holes and Prince Fielder drive up the average at first.


Sadly, the stats highlighted in green represent a projection better than league average. Not much green there. And I put Punto as an option in CF for a couple reasons--to show how awful he is and because Gardy's put him there before.

Infield
Mauer is the most premium offensive talent on the Twins by a big margin. Throw in plus defense and you have one of the top catchers, if not the best in baseball. I'm a Baby Jesus apologist, can you tell?. No, he's not an ideal #3 hitter and the power is probably not coming at this point, which decreases his potential from inner-circle Hall of Famer to perennial All Star.

Morneau is an above average offensive and defensive (slightly) first baseman and for the Twins, that means a lot. He doesn't save 75 runs/year with his glove like Dougie Mientkiewicz though.

Harris is a mixed bag. I haven't heard a single positive review of his defense at any position, but at least he can provide league average offense at 2B, unlike Casilla or Punto. He would have been a great low-cost signing a couple years ago when everyone was cutting him...

Everett is a black hole offensively but a great defender. A loss in range destroys his value, but I don't mind running him out to SS every day since the Twins are going to have a ridiculously young pitching staff and questionable defenders at 2B and 3B. Hopefully he can get a bunt down better than Punto.

Mike Lamb's projections are quite far apart--ZIPS has him at league average for 3B while PECOTA shaves 45 points from his ZIPS OPS. I request he performs to ZIPS levels, thanks. No matter what, he'll be better than Punto and won't be doing stupid dives all over the field (and into first base). Again, not a terrible signing in my opinion considering the alternatives.


Outfield/DH
I'll start with Cuddyer, the only returning starter from opening day 2007. Great arm, OK range, and we've probably already watched his peak season. Still, getting league average offense at a corner OF position is a plus for the Twins. I like that the Twins aren't committed to his decline years with his new contract.

Delmon Young. Defensively, the scouting reports say he has a great arm. Twins fans aren't sure what that looks like in LF after watching Shannon Stewart and Rondell White the last few seasons. But the Twins didn't trade Garza/Bartlett for his arm, they think he has the potential to be an impact bat. There are some warning signs--he doesn't walk, he swings at everything, and his power has declined at each level. But he's been young, really young, at every level. PECOTA has him rediscovering some power and I can see that since it will be his first time getting a second year at any level. The media is spinning him as replacing Hunter's bat but I don't think that happens this year. He's really going to be the key to whether this is a really bad offense or just a bad one.

If you thought I was a Baby Jesus apologist, you haven't seen anything yet. I have had a spot on the Jason Kubel bandwagon since he hit something like .375 in AAA for half a season...and I didn't give it up when he lost his knee in the Arizona Fall League a few years ago. So I think both ZIPS and PECOTA are factoring in his awful 2006 season a little too much considering he lost the entire 2005 season. The dude (or The Dude) hit .303 after the All Star break last year with an OPS of .882, higher than anyone on the team's projection this year. As long as Gardy doesn't bench him for Craig Monroe, he's a serious break-out candidate.

Really, I have no clue what to expect for CF. I'd give the job to Pridie since he's had a successful year at AAA and Denard Span shouldn't be a legit option. Gomez (sorry, too lazy to grab his forecast, but they are pretty much Span's) could use the seasoning at AAA but is hopefully the answer starting in 2009. Really, those three guys would be starting at AAA for most organizations.

In all, this adds up to a bad offense, especially if Morneau is ineffective, Mauer gets hurt, Punto plays too much, or Gardy plays guys like Craig Monroe too much. There's just not enough on-base ability or power.

Here's the The Sidler's preferred lineup as of today:
1. Mauer
2. Harris
3. Young
4. Morneau
5. Cuddyer
6. Kubel
7. Lamb
8. Pridie
9. Everett

Balls of Fury

I have decided to review the epic picture Balls of Fury as my first post for WWWWW. I rented this crapper at the behest of Momma Dawger aka Soiux Fan. She has the 3rd worse taste in movies behind her sister who ironically recommended this film to Soiux Fan and Snake.

Soiux Fan's sister's movie recommendation resume includes box office smashes such as Bench Warmers and Nacho Libre. Snake has recommended turds such as Super Troopers, Crash (not the academy award winning version but the movie starring Super Perv James Spader in which he intentionally gets into car accidents and then makes love to the wounds in his woman's body). and Van Wilder part II the Rise of Taj.

Anyways back to the review. Balls of Fury is about this prodigy (raging Nerd)Ping Pong player named Randy Daytona. He ends up choking in the finals against against an East German homo wearing a wrestling singelet. So far absolutely nothing remotely funny has happened.

Fast forward 19 years and Randy Daytona has morphed into a 5'4" super chubby Nerd with long wild hair, sports a head band and likes to rock. He is a very poor man's version of Jack Black. He does the same schtick but it is way less funny. Thats
saying a lot because I think Jack Black sucks worse then Dane Cook.

I was fooled into thinking that this movie might be redeemed by Christopher Walken's character (who doesn't show up until the movie's midpoint) but I was wrong again. Walken mails in his performance because even he could tell that there wasn't anything that would save this miserable movie. Memo to Chris Walken : Start reading the script before agreeing to do any old movie that comes your way.

The Ping Pong scenes were so outrageous because there was no getting around Randy Daytona and his short, stubby, fat legs and arms could be good at anything other then playing video games and smoking pot. Then the movie went completely overboard when the smoking hot Asian chick somehow falls in love with this squatty misfit. It was disgusting. I'm sure in hind sight she wishes she would have broke into hollywood the old fashioned way and done porn.

I won't bore you with any more details from this crap box movie. I will also warn you that there isn't enough booze or pot in the world to make this movie enjoyable. I highly recommend avoiding this movie at all costs. You will never look at Ping Pong or hot Asian chicks the same.

Happy Birthday Snacks

I'm leaving in about an hour to fly to Pasadena for a week long National Sales Conference. I will have my computer, but will be in meetings all day with dinners and other functions in the evening, so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post. Luckily, we'll have The Sidler, Grand Slam, Snake, and a special guest poster to keep you entertained. Will Down with Goldy survive without it's fearless leader? Will it improve? Stay tuned.

Here is this week's ranking of the Big Ten teams:

1. Purdue - Wow. I knew they had a great class this year, but who knew they would be this good this soon. To go into Madison and come out with a win is nothing short of amazing. 10-1 with their only loss by 3 at Michigan State. Their only good non-conference win is against Louisville, or they'd be a top ten team right now.

2. Wisconsin - It's really difficult to rank the next three teams. I'll go with Wisconsin, who hammered Indiana in their meeting and would be undefeated in the Big Ten if it wasn't for Purdue. I think the Badgers might be able to make a little noise in March.

3. Michigan State - The losses at Iowa and at Penn State are embarrassing, and maybe they should be below the Hoosiers, but this team has a much better shot to do anything in the tournament than Indiana does. Their roster is well put together, inside and out, and with Izzo coaching they could do well.

4. Indiana - I still can't get that UCONN loss out of my head. It was absolutely one of the worst played games by a top team I can ever remember. Despite that, they are still 9-1 and 20-3, albeit without a single impressive victory on their resume. I'll be shocked if they get passed the first weekend of the NCAAs.

5. Ohio State - Clearly the fifth best team, a step below the top four and a step above the bottom crap. Will likely be a tournament team, but still have to play all four top teams, with three at Columbus. If they collapse, Big Ten only gets four bids. I feel sorry for whichever NBA team drafts Koufos.

6. Minnesota - The win over Iowa cements the Gophers as the Big Ten's sixth best team, which isn't saying much until you remember last season. Two wins in a row start off a nice schedule where the Gophers will likely go 5-1, giving delusional fans just enough hope to crush their soul.

7. Iowa - An ugly team from an ugly state playing an ugly style in an ugly arena. Winning enough at home to stay out of the cellar. Ugly basketball.

8. Michigan - Get this spot as the only one out of the bottom four to win this week, even though it was against Penn State - it still counts.

9. Illinois - I picked them to finish third in the Big Ten this year. Third. 3rd. I have no credibility. You probably should be embarrassed to even be reading this.

10. Penn State - I was actually pretty interested to see if they could make a little run this year and make the tournament, before Claxton went down. Without him, they're basically another Northwestern.

11. Northwestern - What is there to say?


And finally, in honor of Snacks' birthday, I present a nice Greg Paulus highlight. I'll talk to you from sunny and warm Pasadena.

bah

Ohio State -2 vs. Indiana
UCLA -9.5 @ Washington
North Carolina -9 vs. Clemson

Yesterday: 9-6
Season: 311-287

Hockey

I once had a friendly dinner at Kincaid's the many of the Vancouver Canucks, and sat at the same table as Brendan Morrison and Todd Bertuzzi. That's how I roll.


Texas -7 @ Iowa State (L)
UCONN -8 vs. Georgia Tech (W)
Kansas State -10 vs. Oklahoma State (W)
Notre Dame -5.5 vs. Marquette (L)
Boston College +19 @ Duke (W)
Texas A&M -2.5 @ Missouri (W)
Minnesota -8 vs. Iowa (W)
San Diego St -1 @ TCU (L)
USC +5 @ Washington State (L)
Cal -5 vs. Oregon (L)
Michigan St -18.5 vs. Northwestern (L)
Baylor +18 @ Kansas (W)
Louisville -3 vs. Georgetown (W)
Purdue +9.5 @ Wisconsin (W)
Florida -12.5 vs. Georgia (L)
Vanderbilt +3.5 @ South Carolina (W)

Thursday: 5-4
Season: 302-281

Gophers vs. Hawks

As much as I hate to push $nake's hockey preview down the page, I feel I must write a preview for the very interesting Iowa/Minnesota hoops game to take place this Saturday. Ken Pomeroy predicts a 63-55 Gopher victory, and gives them an 84% chance at victory. I am not nearly as confident as Mr. Pomeroy. Also, I was just kidding about feeling bad for pushing Snake's post down. Hockey sucks.

I really don't know what to make of the Hawkeyes, and I haven't had the chance to watch them as much as I maybe should have, mostly because they suck and are boring. In terms of pace, Iowa ranks 332nd in the NCAA. I don't know how many teams there are exactly, but it isn't much more than 332. That's really damn slow. Like, slower than Princeton slow. I think that's how they beat teams, is they go so slow the other team gets bored and start making mistakes.

Iowa is a solid defensive team, and not just because of their deflated points against average due to their super slow pace. They rank 42nd in defensive eFG%, and are 58th against the three and 53rd against the two. They also don't let other teams anywhere near the offensive boards, ranking 20th in the country in terms of opponent offensive rebound rate. Oddly, they don't turn other teams over at all (thank god) they just don't let them score, as they rank 263rd in defensive turnover percentage.

On offense, they aren't exactly a scoring machine, coming in at 189th in adjust offensive efficiency. Good news for the Gophers, as they turn the ball over a lot, 318th in the country, turning the ball over on over a quarter of their possessions. Put this against the Gophers who rank 4th in turning over their opponent, and that could be a huge factor.

So what does that all mean? The Gophers have won every game this year they were supposed to win, and they sure as hell should win this one. Iowa is a piss poor offensive team, having broken 60 points only 7 times all season. Tony Freeman is a quality guard and Justin Johnson is a pretty solid all around wing, but the Gophers have the players to shut these two down, if they don't do it themselves, as both are shooting under 38% this year. Past Freeman and Johnson, Iowa doesn't have much else, as no other player averages as much as 7 points per game. Not only do they turn it over like mad, but they rank 328th in steals against, while the Gophers rank 1st in stealing the ball. Iowa should be lucky to get to fifty tomorrow.

On offense, the Gophers have done very well against poor defensive teams like Northwestern and Michigan by attacking the rim, getting out in transition, and finding open shooters. They struggle against higher quality defensive teams like Wisconsin, and that's what Iowa brings. They are tough on the perimeter, and have size in the paint. They don't take it away a lot, and they don't block shots, but their is a reason teams shoot so poorly against them. This will be a big test for the guards.

If McKenzie, Westbrook, and Nolen can get the offense running, get some penetration going, and get out in transition off turnovers and missed shots, this could end up being a runaway. If Iowa can control the pace, and the Gophers have trouble getting shots, it could get ugly in a hurry.

I think Iowa overall is crappy enough that even with their stellar defense the Gophers should handle them without too much of a problem. Look for Hoffarber to have a big game.

Gophers 66, Iowa 53.

Gopher Hockey Travel West

The Gophers travel to Denver, Colorado this weekend to take on the Pioneers of Denver University. WWWWW, get the picture? Oregon Trail......the Gophers play the Pioneers..... get it! Pure brilliance on my part. That picture does remind of one thing that always pissed me off as a kid. How in the hell was that little slut Mary always breaking her arm or getting sick? Every time you would start making some progress on your journey to Oregon you would receive an urgent message that little slut girl is hurt again or drank some water and has diarrhea. Seriously, someone should have just traded Mary to the indians for a bottle of fire water and 2 blankets. Having Mary on the Oregon trail would be like driving home from Canada or Madison with Dawg, only 10 times worse. Back to hockey. Minnesota's mission is to see if they can actually get more than 1 pt this weekend. With the way the Gophers have been scoring this season I would say no chance, but things haven't been going very smoothly for Denver the past 3 weekends either.

Denver has lost 4 of their past 5 games (loss to Air Force and twice to Mankato, ooouch) and their leading scorer, Brock Trotter, left school earlier this week. Rumors have been flying all over the internet about why Trotter left school. He has been accused of cheating on a test, plagiarism (WWWW, you should have him write for this blog), legal troubles or having personal issues. Seen as how this is part of that internet thing I am going to go on record as saying the reason Trotter left school is his teammates outed him on a road trip a couple weeks ago. How is that for breaking news! The University has kept quiet about the matter, only saying the Trotter is still a member of the team. The only thing that is known for sure is Trotter will not be playing this weekend and I still say he is gay and ashamed. Sophomore Tyler Ruegsegger was injured last weekend when Denver was swept by Mankato State and is questionable for this weekends series. If both Trotter and Ruegsegger are out this weekend it is very likely a pair of soccer matches will break out again this weekend.

A couple notable Denver players that will actually put on a pair of skates this weekend are freshman forward Tyler Bozak (12 goals and 11 Assists) and sophomore forward Rhett Rakhshani (9 goals 10 assists). Both are extremely talented young players who could be dominant when Trotter and Ruegsegger are also in the lineup. Chris Butler is the lead man on Denver's D and is a classic offensive defenseman. Butler is strictly a puck mover and nothing illustrates that more than his zero penalty minutes for the season....pussy! Lastly, the key for Denver this weekend will be goalie Peter Mannino. Mannino is one of the elite goalies in college hockey and that spells trouble for a Gopher team that couldn't score with puck bunnies right now.

As usual the key for this weekend will be wether or not the Gophers can actually score 3 goals in a game. If I was Bogart, and bet on everything humanly possible, I would bet the Gophers would not score 3 goals in a game this weekend. To make things worse, Denver's penalty kill is one of the best in the WCHA. That is not good since the Gophers sport one of the worst power plays in all of college hockey. The two bright spots for the Gophers the past couple of weeks have been the play of Defense and of course Alex Kangas. The Defense was suppose to be this teams weak link coming into the season and since December have been very good. If the Gophers could ever find a couple of goals their D and goalie are actually playing well enough for them to make a run. Alex Kangas should have his jersey retired right now. Not only has he been outstanding, he is also the guy who banished Jeff Frazee from my life. For that I will always owe him and would gladly give him my first child in return. I love you Alex.

The Gophers will play Friday nights game without Tony Lucia who is suspended for "the fight" at the end of last saturdays game. Expect Hoeffel to move up to the 2nd line and fill Lucia's spot. I have heard a lot of crap this week from homer gopher fans who think the little slap and tickle episode with UND last weekend will bring this team together??? Seriously, if all it takes is a cat fight to get this team playing well I will be the first guy through the doors at Blarney's next October looking to start shit with next years incoming freshmen. It would almost be worth the beating to actually watch good hockey next winter.

My prediction, the Gophers tie 2-2 and win 3-1. That is right, I am now changing what I said earlier in this post, the gophers will score three goals in one game. Probably not, but I didn't want to be all negative like WWWWWWW. Friday nights game is on BTN at 8 PM and Saturdays game is on FSN following the Wild game. Also, why is the gophers game part of hockey day MN (or what ever cheesy name FSN is calling saturday), but the game isn't in MN? Why wouldn't FSN work with the WCHA and have MN play UMD or another MN team this weekend??? F'ing retards. Hockey Day MN my ass!

**Extra** Alex Goligoski was called up by the Pittsburgh Penguins this week. Add another player to the list of players the Gophers coaches never developed.