Tuesday Talkings (+bonus surprise happy fun-time US Open Preview)

-  First off, congrats to Dirk Dirkington and the Mavs on winning the NBA title.  Just as Lord Locksley once told us "Never fear, good will overcome.  Trust in that" and it once again rings true with the evil Heat vanquished by the shining whiteness of Dirk.  Of course, rather than focus on that most of the media is trying to dissect what's wrong with Lebron, but at this point it should be pretty obvious, especially to anybody who spent a lot of time watching the Timberwolves.  Forget Jordan.  Forget Magic, even.  He's basically a more athletic, shorter, Kevin Garnett.  They both have skill sets that are amazing for someone their size, they're both physical freaks, and they're both very intense on the court - for 3 quarters.  Just as KG didn't want to be the man (or maybe simply couldn't be the man) with the game on the line, Lebron is similar, which is why his pairing with Wade generally works (don't forget, they did make the finals, even if they lost).

-  Two quick notes on AL Central pitchers:  First, Justin Verlander is the best pitcher in baseball.  He pitched a complete game 2-hit shutout tonight (7.1 no-hit innings) with 12 Ks and just one walk.  He now leads the majors with a 0.89 WHIP and has struck out 105 Ks while allowing just 73 hits.  105 Ks vs. 73 hits meaning you're 50% more likely to strike out against him than get a hit.  Not to mention just knowing he's going to go out there and throw and give you a solid game is an amazing luxury to have.  He's thrown at least 115 pitches in a game 7 times this year (and never thrown less than 104).  Jered Weaver is the only other pitcher who has done that at least 6 times.  He's just so good.  Best pitcher in the league, and I'm not even sure who else you could make an argument for.

The other AL Central pitcher worth noting is Carlos Carrasco of the Indians.  You may remember him as the dude who shut down the Twins and I'm guessing you figured he was just the latest in a long, long line of shitty pitchers who looked like jesus odin against the crappy Minnesota bats, joining the likes of Kyle Drabek (just sent to AAA), Aaron Laffey (demoted to bullpen), Mark Rcepczynski (also bullpen), Luke Hochevar (plain sucks), Jeff Niemann (either hurt or in AAA, can't find it), and Luke French (back in AAA for the third sraight year) - jesus would you look at that crap?  Anyway, Carrasco followed up his Twink shutdown by doing the same against the Yankees as well.  He might actually be good.  I'm not saying I'm just saying.  Keep your eye on him.  I'm distracted now though because Mrs. W is watching the Voice and Xtina's boobs have gone from sublime to ridiculous.  Of course, it's the kind of ridiculous that is also has some bad that goes with it, but I'd still pay a significant amount of money to motor boat those puppies for a few seconds.

-  Speaking of boobs, I was planning on writing more tonight but I just got a text message and an email from the one, the only, the great Grandslam with his always awesome golf preview, this time for the US Open which is happening this weekend.  So here we go:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2011 U.S. Open Preview

It seems like every year the U.S. Open comes around, we’re discussing how it will be the longest course in U.S. Open History.  This year’s version will be exactly that.  The 111^th version of the U.S. Open will be held at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, MD, and the course will measure at 7,574 yards making it the new U.S. Open record.  This year’s version will look much differently than it did in 1997 when the tournament was last held here.  The most notable change will be to the finishing 18^th hole which will once again be a par 4 after experimenting with a par 3 finish in ’97.  

The U.S. Open is flat out the most entertaining golf tournament of the whole year.  Many fans don’t like to watch a tournament where the possible winning score could be over par.  I personally enjoy watching the best players in the world struggle to get their ball in the hole.  It’s entertaining to watch a birdie fest, but watching a golf course that makes players of this caliber look like players at the local municipal is as entertaining as it gets.  USGA executive director Mike Davis has a theory every year when setting up the U.S. Open course, and that is to make it the hardest event these players play in all year.  To go with the length of Congressional, players can expect extremely fast greens, dry, fast fairways, and the longest, thickest rough players will see all year……if Mother Nature cooperates.

 

Once again the top story leading into a major is Tiger Woods.  However, this year’s story is a little different; the story is his absence from this year’s U.S. Open.  Tiger hasn’t played since The Masters and was expected to make his return this week.  Tiger continues to have problems with his left leg, leading critics to wonder when we will see him again.  I believe Tiger will return to form sooner than later, but from what we’ve seen from him lately, if he was playing this week, would he even be a factor?

Whether Tiger Woods was in the field or not this week, the 111^th version of the U.S. Open is wide open to the majority of the field.  With a winning score that I believe will be somewhere around even par (which the USGA is looking for) that brings a lot more players into the mix.  Schwartzel, Kaymer, Oosthuizen, McDowell, Mickelson, Yang, Cink, Glover, Cabrera, and Harrington…….what do these players have in common?  They won’t win the U.S. Open this year.  In the last ten major championships, we’ve had ten different winners.  Maybe we will have a first-time major champion if recent history repeats itself as the last four majors were all first-time winners.  

As for who to look for this week…….Well I don’t have all the answers, but whoever drives it long and accurate this week will almost surely find their name towards the top of the leader board.  As is every year in the U.S. Open, there will be a premium on hitting fairways as the rough will be up to 6” or more in some areas.  As well as accuracy, length will be a key to attacking the longest course in U.S. Open history.  I think it’s safe to say that the odds on favorite is Luke Donald.  He’s #1 in the Fed Ex Cup standings, #1 on both the PGA Tour and European Tour money lists, and oh yeah……the #1 player in the world.  Although Luke Donald has won twice this year (1 on each tour) including the biggest win of his career at the WGC-World Match Play, he will NOT win his first major this week.  Luke Donald has had an outstanding 2011 season thus far, but it could’ve potentially been record breaking.  Donald can’t seem to close tournaments on a consistent basis.  He has lost multiple times in 2011 in playoffs, and just can’t seem to find the consistency down the stretch on Sunday’s.  He’s a top-10 king this year, and that’s exactly where I see him finishing this week.

             

Alright Ladies and Gentleman, get ready to take these picks straight to Vegas……or at least your office pool.  Since this is my preview, I get to chose two players in each category so I don’t want to hear about it.

Winner:  Steve Stricker, Matt Kuchar

Contender:  Brandt Snedeker, Jonathan Byrd

Sleeper:  Kevin Streelman, Gary Woodland  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

And there you have it.  Grandslam says he doesn't have all the answers, but lucky for you I do.  Look to Hunter Mahan, Rory McIlroy, and Steve Stricker (good call here by Slam) as your favorites (along with Phil of course) with possible sleepers Jason Day, Jeff Overton, J.B. Holmes, Robert Allenby, Ben Crane, and and Brian Gay (all 100-1 or worse).  I also really like the Byrd call.  Side note:  Mrs. W is in love with Byrd.  If anybody knows him let him know if he wins the US Open and wants to work out some kid of indecent proposal that he should give me a call.

Week in Review - 6/13/2011

Guess who had Ruler on Ice to win the Belmont at 42-1?   Yep.  I know my only published pick (via Twitter) was Master of Hounds so you'll just have to take my word for it.  That means I've nailed the winner in the last two triple crown races and my two picks finished 2nd and 3rd in the Kentucky (and I picked the winner of the derby last year).  I think it's safe to say I'm awesome at handicapping horses.  So I celebrated by cooking up some steaks, and I want to share the method here with you - the Alton Brown method.  Simply salt and pepper your steak, then turn a burner on the stove up to high and preheat your oven at 500 degrees.  Once everything is heated up, toss some olive oil in a cast iron pan and throw the steaks in there on the burner.  2-minutes each side to get a nice sear.  Then throw them in the oven and go two minutes per side again (may have to adjust up or down for desired doneness).  And that's it.  Super simple and completely delicious, maybe even superior to using the grill.  Give it a shot.

Now on to the boring part.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Francisco Liriano.  He ended up losing the no-hitter and the shutout, but Franky's outing on Sunday against Texas was far, far more impressive than the actual no-hitter he threw earlier this year.  He was actually hitting his spots (first time ever?), his fastball had some major tail action on it, his slider was basically unhittable, and he was even using his change-up effectively.  He was perfect through six and didn't allow a hit until the 8th, which was almost inevitable after the Twins kept him on the bench for nearly a half-hour by battering a couple Texas pitchers for five runs in the bottom of the seventh in that rare occasion when you actually want your team to hurry up and get out.  You could tell his rhythm was broken after that (that's on him, of course, you need to be able to adjust to that) but altogether his performance was nothing short of dominant.  This version of Liriano is an ace, a game-changer, a slump stopper, and a potential playoff killer.  It's just too bad we only see this version once a month or so. 

2.  Ben Revere.  Snacks already claimed him as his new favorite player so I won't step on any toes, but man I really like Revere right now.  He's not perfect or anything - he doesn't walk enough to be an elite leadoff guy, he has no power at all, and his arm would be better suited to playing second base - but what he does have is energy, speed, great center field instincts, and he's giving the team what they need - a jolt of energy.  Infield hits, bunt hits, reaching base on a wild pitch after striking out, stealing bases, he's just really fun to watch.  Now, I know this schtick will get old unless he learns to walk, learns to have a little power, or can hit .330, but for now you can put me in the "big fan" camp, and I think he has far more potential than Gomez.  I don't know that he'll ever develop much power, but his plate discipline says he should learn to walk and he did hit over .300 at every minor league level, so I'm encouraged.  Side note - I was going to sponsor his baseball-reference.com page, but some jackhole beat me to it. 

3.  Dallas Mavericks.  It's tempting to give most of the credit for the big finals win to Dirk, but really there are a bunch of guys who carried this team at times.  Terry had a monster game in the clinched and was their whole offense in the first half, Kidd was hitting his shots and running the offense as only an old man can, and Tyson Chandler had the kind of finals that makes guys millions, if only he was a free agent.  Hell, even Deshawn Stevenson made a difference, both with his defense on baby soft Lebron and his 3 big 3-pointers in the first half tonight.  I hate manufactured crap like "this is what happens when a real 'team' takes on 'superstars"", but for this series at least it was the truth.  Miami had no answer for the fluid way Dallas played together and thank god.  On a happiness scale I'm not sure if I'm happier that Dirk won or Lebron lost, but they both rank way up there.

4.  Mike Leake.  Welcome back, Mr. hippie surfer shoplifter, welcome back indeed.  He had an insane rookie year that saw him skip the minor leagues entirely and get off to an absolutely blistering start (5-0, 2.22 ERA through early June), but since then things have been very rocky.  He ended up burning out last year and was shut down in late August after he put up an ERA of almost six and a half in his next 10 starts and a disastrous move to the bullpen.  This year has been rough as well with an injury, the whole shoplifting thing, his first ever minor league action, and a move to the bullpen, but things might be coming around now.  Back-to-back 8 inning efforts with just two total runs allowed and and 11-to-2 strikeout to walk ratio this week.  Love this guy, love everything about him, and very glad to see him back to makin' hitters look like fools, as well as seeing him back on our fantasy team.

5.  Mike Moustakas.  Yet another one of Kansas City's stud prospect, third baseman Mike Moustakas made his debut this past week and .  Eric Hosmer looks like the real deal and Alcides Escobar is their SS of the future who is valuable even if his hitting doesn't come around, so they've got 3/4 of the infield covered.  Now, Moustakas and Hosmer were generally ranked #1 and #2 in their system, so not everyone else has their pedigree, but it's notable that they have catcher covered (Wil Myers, #8 prospect in all of baseball by Keith Law) so if they can just find a few competent outfielders (I think Jarrod Dyson has a future similar to Escobar, but in CF) their future lineup should be pretty well set.  The biggest question will be enough pitching will develop to make them competitive, but the minors are pretty heavily laden with big-time pitching prospects (including Danny Duffy, Jeremy Jeffress, Aaron Crow, and Tim Collins who are already up).  Things better come together, because I have a $100 bet with Snacks that the Royals will win the AL Central before 2015, and god knows I can't afford to lose that kind of money.  I would hate to have to choose between booze and feeding my kids.  I think we all know which way that one is going to go.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Colby Lewis.  You remember good ole Colby, the dude who the Twins chased on Saturday after just more than an inning?  You might remember him as the guy who gave up two hits each to Alexi Casilla and Delmon Young despite pitching just one and third innings.  Not to mention giving up a sick number of hits/runs in between and getting run early with a final line of 1.1ip/7h/6er.  Ouch.  But what you might not know is that he also pitched against the Tigers earlier this week and might actually have pitched worse.  Line:  3.1 ip/10 hits/9er/4 hr.  Yes, that's nine earned runs and 4 homers allowed - two of which were to that piece of crap Brennan Boesch.  So, in case your math skills are bad or you are a girl, that's 15 earned runs allowed in one week and that includes a game against the Twins triple A lineup.  In all seriousness I really hope Mr. Lewis has been saving most of his money, because that paycheck might be drying up pretty quick here.  Actually what do I care?  Guy sucks.  Get a real job, hippie!

2.  Tim Lincecum.  Since he's in the NL you probably have no idea he's been brutal. In fact, even if you're paying attention he doesn't look that bad - 3.41 ERA and 1.19 WHIP - but this week he's been completely brutal.  He had two starts this week and in the longer outing he lasted five innings, and that was against the epically shitty Nationals.  The Reds are at least good, but when you're Lincecum you just don't give up 7 hits and 7 runs in 4 innings to anybody - and he only struck out one guy.  Very bad if you're a big fan of diminutive whirling dervish floppy haired pot-smoking hippy pitchers - or Wiley Wiggins.  The good news is nerd stats (I'll spare you) don't point to anything that's significantly different that normal so this is more likely a blip on the radar rather than indicative of a Soria-style breakdown or anything, but god, getting ripped by the Nats is just freaking embarrassing.  It'd be like getting busted by O'Bannion. 

3.  Oakland Athletics.  Wow are these guys god damn awful.  Look at that lineup and count the actual major league hitters.  I see David DeJesus and Josh Willingham, both who would be good fourth outfielders for a team, and Coco Crisp who is a quality leadoff hitter.  That's it.  Their infield has to be the worst collection in the league - other contenders like Seattle and San Diego at least have one quality bat (Justin Smoak and Chase Headley), but Oakland has nothing.  Throw in the injuries to starters Dallas Braden, Brett Anderson, Tyson Ross, and Brandon McCarthy and you can see why they've won just one of their last 14.   Of note:  they still have a better record than the Twins.  FML.

4.  Ryan Howard.  No, not the mid-level executive from a mid-tier paper company in Pennsylvania who was addicted to cocaine and then committed fraud, I'm talking about the fat first baseman for the Phillies.  You know, the guy who was inexplicably given a 5-year $125 million contract THAT DOESN'T EVEN START UNTIL NEXT SEASON despite the fact that his body type (fat to mostly fat) and playing style (high strikeout power hitter) mean that, at best, he's going to be a blacker Matt Stairs by the end of that contract.  And this week was a preview, because he had three hits all week (not counting today where he had three hits and three rbi which kind of negates this point but I already typed all those words before I looked it up and saw he had a good day today).  Any way the point is that Ryan Howard is fat and that was a stupid contract.  Like, Mauer-stupid.

5.  Lebron James.  I almost feel like you could just call out the entire Heat team as sucking, but the difference is that there were games where Bosh played amazingly well (including tonight), Wade pretty much carried the team the entire series, and Lebron was straight up invisible way too often so you have to pick him as the goat.  Not only did he handpick this team to win championships, but he hand picked this fucking team to win the championship.  This shit was orchestrated with one goal in mind and they failed.  And they didn't fail because of Wade (no surprise, the guy was nails in the playoffs and finals) and they didn't fail because of Bosh (surprisingly good this entire finals), they failed because Lebron was unable to carry the team for even small stretches and was about as valuable as that fat kid in Teen Wolf in the fourth quarter.  God there is just an amazing psychology paper waiting to be written on Lebron.  If I wasn't so dumb I would totally write it.  That's not true.  I'm too lazy.  I just want to go fishing.  


Lastly, just to brighten your week, here are Wonderbaby^TM's mad baseball skills on full display:

6 Very Important Things so far this week

Man what a crazy week for me (thus the lack of posting).  Monday was Memorial Day, then Tuesday I had a fancy work dinner (sashimi style short rib with miso and wasabi appetizer, apple, cheese, and chive salad, and sea bass with a miso glaze), last night was a happy hour that went until 9pm, and tonight was softball.  Since I haven't been around this week, I'm forcing myself to post to just make you happy.  And what better way than the good ole 6 things format.

1.  I  have a bad feeling about this, but Rubio's coming to town.  I'm sure it makes everybody happy that he's actually coming, but the shine is definitely off this kid.  He's gone from the hottest amateur player in the world who everybody wanted to a huge question mark who probably wouldn't even be a lottery pick now.  I guess that'll happen when you fail to develop a jump shot and average 6.5 pts and 3.2 assists in EuroLeague.  That's not a misprint, those are his stats this year.  His career bests in any league are 10.2 pts and 5.8 assists.  I know he's young and I know Euro stats don't really translate over here, but that's really underwhelming.  It will be an interesting test of statistics vs. perception because a lot of people are still raving about the kid.  Not as much as two years ago, but a lot of people still love him.  Of course, on the Wolves even if he's the next Chris Paul that would just take them from 17 wins to 23, but at least they should be more fun to watch.  At this point I assume Rubio is basically like The Professor:


2. The Twins actually won, and won easily.  It seems shockingly unlikely but the Twins managed to score 8 runs in a game and beat KC 8-2.  Of course, six of those runs came in the same inning and were off Sean O'Sullivan (or Sean O'Suckivan as I like to call him when I'm drunk) so in reality the offense was generally it's usually inept self.  I'd love to write more but I have to be honest and tell you I didn't watch a single pitch.  But I bet Casilla did something dumb, Span took a poor route on a fly ball, Delmon did something lazy, Cuddyer chased a slider low and away, and whoever was catching hit a bunch of weak ground balls.  Close?

3.  Speaking of the Twins, Dan Gladden is quickly becoming the worst announcer in town.  For some reason I've found myself in positions where I'm listening to a lot of the Twins' games on the radio this year and I'm realizing that there are a ton of reasons to dislike Dan Gladden beyond his hair and the fact that he goes by "Dazzle" (as if you needed more reasons besides those, amirite?).  Last night I was lucky enough to hear a gem.  He argued stenuously that the shift the Royals (and everybody else) puts on for Morneau is unnecessary, doesn't make sense, and is "trying to recreate something" (that one is my favorite because I seriously can't make heads or tails of what he's trying to say).  The reason is because according to Dazzle, Morneau "can hit the ball either way just as well."  Really, dummy?  Good thing we can look stuff like this up and see that he's hitting .373 when he pulls the ball and .185 when he goes to left.  Same story, year after year, he's far better pulling the ball than going to left.  Gladden had another one too, but now I can't remember.  Just assume it was really dumb and incorrect.  Also if you put "Dan Gladden sucks" into google image search 9 of the first 36 images that pop up are from here.   I haven't been this proud since I was teh second site to pop up if you googled "suck my crank."  

4. In a kind of "holy shit" game, Dallas stole one.  Game 2 looked like it was the Heat's the whole way, and when Dwyane Wade hit a three with 7 minutes to go to put the Heat up 15 it felt over.  And it was clear Miami felt the same way because they got lazy on defense and sloppy on offense.  One problem - Dallas is a team full of veterans, and they don't just go away.  Six straight out of Jason Terry, a couple miscellaneous buckets, two points out of the Heat, and Dirk taking over and bam - we're tied at 90 with 57 seconds to go.  Dirk hits a wide open three that's then answered by Mario Chalmers, then the Mavs play for the last shot and Dirky goes right around Bosh for an easy lay-up - ballgame.  Huge huge win for Dallas, because they aren't going to sweep at home which means they'll likely head back to Miami up 3-2 with two chances to win the whole thing.  And I hope they do.  Because the Heat are a bunch of jackasses - especially Mike Miller and his new ridiculous full arm shooting sleeve.  And I used to like the guy, too.  Turns out you just shouldn't like anybody from any of the Dakotas.  They're all terrible people.

5.  Rest in Peace, Fu-Schnickens.  The man of a billion nicknames (Big Aristotle and Shaq-fu were always my favorites) is calling it an NBA career, and leaving behind some serious numbers:  Fifth all-time in scoring, 12th in rebounding, and 2nd in field goal percentage.  He doesn't get the credit he deserves because a lot of people credit his success simply to his size and ability to muscle people out of the way, but for a long time he really was an incredible athlete with excellent footwork (although that started going bye-bye when he got less and less interested in staying in shape).  He's probably a top 10 all-time player, a completely dominant force, and belongs with Jabbar, Russell, and Chamberlain (apologies to my favorite, Hakeem) as the best big man of all time.  Don't forget that he also was one of the dominant players on NBA Jam in the Arcade, and single-handedly changed how basketball hoops were made.  I still remember watching this moment as a kid and being completely stunned that someone could do this.

6.  Ohio State is a bunch of cheating cheaters.  I mean, we all know that everybody cheats, just some people are better at it than others.  Jim Tressel, now forced into resigning, was one of the best, capturing about a billion Big Ten championships, a national title (stolen from Miami), and doing it all while maintaining a squeaky clean image thanks to his nerdy sweater vest (note:  Snacks and Bogart both love to wear sweater vests).  Now it's all come crashing down, the stories are all over the web and Sports Illustrated, Tressel is out and Terrell Pryor is almost certain to follow, and since the NCAA looks at lying about violations the ultimate evil Ohio State's program won't escape unscathed.  To this I say "Who cares?"

Seriously though, how enjoyable was that ride for Buckeye fans?  Top of the world for like 10 years.  It's like the Gopher hoops run to the Final  Four under Clem.  We were all there, we all saw it, we all loved it.  Just because the NCAA says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen (at least until the mass mind eraser technology gets up to code).   The scandal came out, the program tumbled (deeply), but would you trade that Final Four run + the dark years for a whole bunch of seasons of mediocrity instead just because it was done "cleanly?"  Do me a favor and if you answered yes to that question go light your bible on fire and then try to put it out with your face.

Honestly I just don't understand people who get all pissed if their favorite school is doing something shady or if the players on the team aren't pure as the first snow of winter falling on a baby's bottom while a choir of cherub-faced third graders sing hallelujah as written by Jeff Buckley and played when Marisa Cooper died.  I don't watch college sports and cheer for the player with the highest GPA - that's why they don't sell tickets to watch players take a chemistry test.  I want to win and I don't care how.  If the Gophers could sneak six players on the court at a time and nobody would notice I'd be all for it.  If every single player on the Gophers ended up in jail the year after they ran out of eligibility I wouldn't bat an eye.  You know why?  Because I don't know these guys as people - they could be good guys, bad guys, medium guys, gentlemen, assholes, or sell knives door-to-door on the side and not only would I not know but I wouldn't care.  Win.  Just win.  That's what I'm there for and it's what they're there for.  The hope would be that they take advantage of the free ride and get their degree in communications but if they don't IT DOESN'T MATTER TO MY LIFE EITHER WAY.  Graduation rates are completely meaningless.  In fact, if your graduation rate is too high you're probably doing it wrong.

I hate John Calipari because he's slimy, but he wins.  If the Gophers next coach cheats his ass off for five years without getting caught and gets the Gophers to the Final Four and close another couple of times and then gets busted I will sing his praises to the high heavens, just like I did and continue to do with Clem.

Just win, baby.  Just win.

By the way, I wrote this entire post while drinking warm PBR from a cup with ice.  Classy, right?

Six Very Important Things from Last Night - 05/26/2011

What's that?  A post in the patented "6 Things" format?  Righteous!  Well aren't you lucky.  And go:

1.  The Twins still suck.  This time it was Erik Bedard who shut them down, causing Gardenhire to say retarded Gardenhire things like "filthy", "great stuff", and "guys were swinging and missing by a foot."  Now that last one might be true, but I'd say it had more to do with the Twins being terrible, terrible, terrible at hitting than anything to do with Erik Bedard.  The same Bedard who hasn't been filthy - or pitched in the majors - since 2009 and was lit up by both the Indians and Royals earlier this year.  I will admit he's been pretty solid lately, but I refuse to give him any credit or any pitcher who shuts down the Twins any credit because these guys are god damn terrible.  They have two guys hitting above .270, only 5 guys with an OBP over .300, and 3 guys slugging over .400 and two of those are part-timers (Plouffe, Thome).  To be completely honest with you, I'm pretty sure Ila Borders could start and would allow less than 3 runs to these cream puffs.

2.  Zack Attack is back, Jack.  In news that feels AL Central related but isn't, Zack Greinke finally put together a vintage Zack Greinke performance yesterday afternoon going seven strong innings, striking out 10 and allowing just a 3-run homer to Mike Morse (note:  who? his name may not actually be Mike.  I didn't look it up.) to wreck a very nice day.  And, just to add on to his re-breakout performance, he also hit a ding dong which gave the Brewers a 4-3 lead.  It was Greinke's first time throwing 100 pitches since returning from injury, and he looked damn good.  This now gives the Brewers a very good rotation on paper:  Greinke, Marcum, Narveson, Wolf, and Gallardo, except not on paper Marcum is the only one whose been worth a damn.  Luckily their offense has been good enough to keep them just 2.5 games out of first.  If Greinke has it together it's going to be huge for them.  Of course, as soon as the Milwaukee media starts asking tough questions he'll probably crumple into fetal position and cry to his mom.

3.  The future may be bleak.  ESPN came out with their first set of team recruiting rankings for 2012 and of the top 10 (that's all they rank) you'll find four Big Ten teams.   Indiana is #1 (fo real) with four ESPN top 100 guys already signed, highlighted by big time PG Kevin Farrell and some weirdo with the first name Hanner.  Michigan State is ranked #3 with some highly rated white dudes, Purdue is #8 with a handful of really good back court players, and Michigan ranks tenth with Glenn Robinson's kid and the second coming of Jon Deibler.  The Gophers' list of 2012 commits?  Zero.  Joy.


4.  This happened Tuesday night, but what happened to Derrick Rose?  I know he's basically the reason the Bulls have gotten as far as they have, but whoa how bad did he choke in that game?  He couldn't hit anything most of the game, but saved his most special screw-ups for crunch time - a great trait in your crunch time player.  First he made only one of two free throws with just over a minute left and the Bulls down by one.  Then, he missed a mid-range jumper that would have given the Bulls the lead with 28 seconds left, and followed that up by by air-balling the potential game winner at the end of regulation by forcing a fade away weird forced thing.  Then, in overtime, he failed to score a single point (and only managed one shot) and committed a crucial turnover with just over a minute left and the Bulls down 4.  There's no doubt he's one of the five best young players in the NBA, but watching that game was like watching Chris Webber call that timeout again, but stretched out for an entire half + overtime.


5.  Speaking of the NBA, Kobe must want full control of the Lakers.  I can't think of any other reason the team would hire Mike freaking Brown, who is most famous for failing to get the most out of Lebron James and helping hasten his departure out of town, helping to turn Cleveland into even more of a wasteland than it already was, but without their one shining hope - like what would happen to Fargo if some intrepid young soul was to burn NDSU to the ground.  Basically his entire idea of coaching offense is to give the ball to his star and just let him and wait a minute I totally get it.  Kobe would have definitely had a large hand in deciding who was going to be the next Laker coach, and a coach with no clue on how to run a coherent offense who is almost totally dependent on his star player to create points is perfect for a selfish son of a bitch like Bryant.  Everybody knows there are two things Kobe loves:  being completely in charge of the basketball, and naive 17-year old hotel managers.

6.  Finally, late tonight the old man Mavericks knocked off the Thunder to advance to the NBA finals.  For the second straight game the Thunder seemed in control of the game, but once again Dallas came back in the end to get the win, this time thanks to not one but two open three-point looks for Dirk Nowitzki with the Mavs trailing in the final couple of minutes.  Dirk hit the second one to give Dallas the lead and they never looked back.  I hope to god they can beat the Heat in the finals, because make no mistake this is probably the worst version of this Heat team we're going to get.  They're still in some ways learning to play together and I'm pretty sure they'll figure out a way to upgrade their supported cast in the coming seasons.  Do you really want a Heat dynasty?  Better than a Laker one, at least, but Dirk deserves a ring.  I'm 100% Maverick fan now.


Also the Phillies/Reds played 19 innings last night, with the Phillies finally pulling it out on a sac fly by Raul Ibanez.  It seems like the kind of thing that I could fit into my six relevant things or whatever, but it's the national league so let's be honest nobody gives a crap.  The two teams combined to use 16 pitchers, all of whom are better than anybody the Twins have on their roster.

Week in Review - 05.09.2011

I was all set to write up something about Ralph Sampson staying in the draft, Tubby Smith sabotaging Gopher basketball, and idiotic decisions, but I've now see some tweets that indicate he may have pulled out at the last minute (unlike his dad) so I'll save that speculation for later in the week when something more concrete comes out.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Justin Verlander.  Remember when I picked Verlander to win the AL Cy Young?  I'm pretty sure that his no-hitter on Saturday proves that I was right.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking he only struck out four guys and I just recently downplayed Liriano's no-hitter for a lack of domination so how can I praise this one?  Well first off Francisco Liriano fucking sucks while Verlander is a god of pitching.  Second, Verlander only walked one dude and threw about 70% of his pitches for strikes while Liriano treated the strike zone as if it was .  Thirdly, did you watch the game?  Justy Just completely dominated fools.  The Blue Jays only hit two balls remotely well and really after about two batters you knew Verlander had a shot at doing it.  Just so good.  So dominating.  I swear every time I watch him pitch he makes me hate the Twins and every time Leyland let's him pitch his 125th pitch of the game I hate Gardy.  I hate everything.

2.  Vancouver Grizzlies.  Gotta admit out of all the surprising things in the sporting world, including VCU  making the final four and Alexi Casilla once getting a hit, Vancouver's playoff run thus far is way up there.  Of course a big part of that shock is because I had no idea Vancouver was in the playoffs until like Game Three of the first round, but they're gettin' it done now.  Knocking off the #1 seeded Spurs was surprising, but not as surprising as the semi-dominant fashion in which they did it (and my favorite part was watching Zach Randolph kick the crap out of that old man whiny bitch Tim Duncan.  Honestly the guy would send back soup at a deli)  Now they're up 2-1 on Oklahoma City after stealing game 3 with a furious second half comeback and surprisingly dominant performance in overtime.  With the Lakers getting bounced and the Grizz up, it's suddenly not ridiculous to think Memphis might end up making the finals.  Read that again.  Now set your own face on fire because Memphis is a title contender while the T-Wolves should just be contracted.

3.  Cliff Lee.  Clifford is always fun to watch pitch, but you never know which version you're going to get.  There's the don't-walk anybody, let the batter hit your pitch right where you want it version, and then there's the don't walk anybody, strike everybody out version.  Both are dominant in different ways, and both are fun to watch.  However, more accurately the version where he just strikes everybody the hell out is way more fun and that's the version that showed up this weekend to throw against the Braves and strike out 16 guys.  Of course the bad news is that he gave up 9 hits and 3 runs and they lost which may make some people wonder why I'd give him credit for being awesome.  Those people should just shut their big fat faces.

4.  Dirk Nowitzki.  God I love watching this guy.  He's too slow to be devastating, but he can shoot the lights out, he's six foot thirteen, and he knows how to use his body to create open shots.  I don't know if I love that slow motion spin and fade better or if I prefer the weird, awkward step back fadeaway that looks more like something that a dude who had never played basketball before would do, but it's impossible to stop and I'm pretty sure he shoots like 90% with that one.  He's just unstoppable and sweet.  And the best part is, as Bill Simmons laid out in a recent column, once he gets to the point where he can't carry a team anymore he's going to have a role as a more deadly version of Sam Perkins.  Probably with the same amount of pot though.  

5.  Andre Ethier.  Yes his 30-game hit streak came to an end over the weekend but it should still be recognized because a 30-game hit streak is really pretty remarkable.  More importantly have you seen this guy?  You look at his adonis like looks and his hair, realize he's a multi-millionaire who plays baseball and lives in Los Angeles, and I'm assuming he's basically beating gorgeous girls off with a stick.  His list of conquests must be epic.  Of course, it's tough to beat Derek Jeter who has gone out with Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Adriana Lima, Jordana Brewster, and Minka Kelly.  Then again, while I assume Ethier is a tender and considerate lover you know Jeter is just using these chicks - using them to cover up that he's a raging homosexual, I mean.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Los Angeles Lakers.  Wow, talk about a gutless performance.  Not only did the defending two-time champs - and defending two-time champs with nearly the same entire squad back - get bounced in round 2 but they got swept.  And not only did the get swept but they got ugly swept, losing the first two games at home and then getting run by 30 in the deciding game four.  No other word for it but pathetic.  The Lakers might be the most talented team, especially in the West, but it was clear they weren't 100% engaged in round 1 and they couldn't just flip the switch when they suddenly ran into a better than we thought Dallas team.  And that, in a nutshell, is the biggest reason Kobe will never be the next Michael Jordan.  Other than a very good game 1 (36 pts) Kobe basically was completely disinterested and finished the series with averages well below his season averages for the series in literally every category.  What a douchebag.  By the way, a rapist, a homophobe, and a black guy walk into a bar.  Everybody there was like, "Hey Kobe."

2.  Kentucky Derby.  Not so much for the race, because watching Animal Kingdom shoot from the middle to the front for the win was actually pretty exciting, but it was just kind of meh.  There was no great horse in this field and no great stories so there was no good lead-ups, so much so that most of the Kentucky Derby rubes I know said this was the least interesting derby in years.  Even the whole Calvin Borel, winner of three of the last four derbys, angle was lame because he ended up sitting on a horse that everybody knew was a shitbox.  Didn't help that I didn't win money (although I know Bogart was on Animal Kingdom so congrats there).  I hit a bunch of the mid-range horses and with Mrs. W's pick (Stay Thirsty) and Wonderbaby's first ever pick (Soldat) I basically had everybody covered as long as a long shot (other than Santiva) or the favorite didn't win.  Then this freaking dirtbag horse who has never even raced on dirt before and whose regular rider was out with an injury (yep, an injury to a jockey.  WTF has never seemed more appropriate) goes out and wins.  Least satisfying Derby ever.  And Animal Kingdom has no shot at even contending for the triple crown.  None.  Lame.  Gay.  Stupid.

3.  Brandon Lyon.  Can anyone explain to me why this dingleberry keeps getting closing jobs?  He's fucking terrible, which he proved once again this week by trying to close a game against the Reds, a game in which he dudes he faced went walk-single-single-single-double and suddenly a 2-0 lead was a 3-2 loss - a game that would have been rookie Aneury Rodriguez's first career W.  Although I don't know why anybody would be surprised since Lyon has sucked every year.  He sucked with the Diamonbacks, sucked with the Tigers after they gave him a nice 1-year deal and then said thanks but no thanks, and has sucked with Houston the last two years (after their inexplicable 3-year/$15 mil contract) and leads the league in blown saves this year.  Not since Ambirorix Burgos has a worse player been given the ball to close games.  Except maybe Matt Capps.

4.  Carl Pavano.  Hey, do you guys remember when there was all that talk about signing Pavano long-term, and everybody was like damn dude, you gotta be careful with this one because his margin for error is razor thin and at his advancing age things could fall apart in a big ole hurry?  Well I'm not saying he's done done, but there are some ominous signs.  And I'm not even talking about the really obvious stuff like getting slapped all over the yard in consecutive games by the Royals and Red Sox (2 games combined:  10 innings, 22 hits, 13 runs).  No, the scary part here is in those two outings Pavano tallied as many strikeouts as hits Joe Mauer's had since April 12th - a big fat zero.  Now, Pavano's never been a big time K pitcher but he's generally been around 5-7 per 9 ips.  Last year he set a career low at 4.8, and this year he's been even lower at 4.1 (before today's game).  That' a terrible sign.  Am I saying he's going to be terrible the rest of this year and probably end up waived before we even get to year 2 of his contract?  Yes.  Yes I am.

5.  Justin Morneau.  Sigh.  No doubt you are aware he's been bad this year, but do you know just how bad he was this week?  He hit .105 (2-19 and obviously no extra base hits).  Guess how many of his teammates had a worse average for the week?  Nobody.  At all.  Butera hit .143.  Casilla hit .125.  Repko, Tolbert, and Revere all beat him.  Unfortunately he's cooling off (if that was even possible) right as Cuddy, Span, and Valencia are starting to remember how to hit and the team just added the shortstop of the future in Trevor Plouffe, who probably deserves a spot in the WHO WAS AWESOME section but I forgot about him until just now.  This team can't win without Morneau's bat.  I mean, they can't really win with it either, but at least with him going they have a chance, however small.  Maybe somebody needs to just smack him in the head with a tire iron and joggle everything back the way it was before.  I'll volunteer.


In conclusion the Lakers suck are a punch of punks led by King Punk Kobe.  Although I have to give him credit for not being the biggest little bitch on the team in this series.  That honor would to to Andrew Bynum who pulled this move at the end of the shellacking the Mavs put on them to cap off the sweep:


I'm not even sure what my favorite part is, but I can narrow it to five parts:

1.  Steve Blake not really trying to get through a screen while guarding Barea.
2.  Ron Artest making zero effort to help out on said screen or when Barea starts to drive.
3.  Shannon Brown's "help defense" which consisted of a half-assed swipe at the ball.
4.  The biggest guy on the court (Bynum) completely destroying the littlest one while he's defenseless (but in Bynum's defense he was the only one who played any kind of defense on that play).
5.  And, of course Bynum taking off his jersey for some reason.

Basically just class personified right there.  In summation, fuck you Lakers!  I couldn't be happier.