RealTree Camo Energy Drink is a RealThing

I recently made a trip into Wisconsin for some gambling at St. Croix Casino in Turtle Lake, Wisconsin.  I have a pai gow addiction and can sit there and drink and play cards for hours on end.  I recently discovered the waitress will bring you two drinks at once, which is incredible.

On my way there I stopped at a gas station for a little pick me up.  Maybe a nice energy beverage and some preserved meat to get me through the drive.  When I get to the cooler I see a series of REALTREE energy drinks, complete with camoflage exteriors.  I figure this is too amazing/hilarious not to get so I pick up the LOW CARB one because I'm watching my figure. 

First, upon cracking it open I get a whiff of ozone and something that stings the nostrils.  There is also a strong effervescence like I've just dropped two tabs of alka-seltzer.  After tasting I realize it's not as bad as the smell, it's much, much worse.  It's like a mix of doe estrus, battery acid and sadness.  Truly awful tasting stuff.  I thought I was going to go blind or have a seizure or something.  I don't though; and in the hopes that it would give me max energy (what else could be it's purpose besides torture?) I downed most of it.  All it gave me was gut rot.  I didn't "wake the buck up"!

According to their website, the full line of RealTree flavors are:

Blaze Outdoor Energy Drink

Max-1 Low Carb Energy Drink

AP Outdoor Energy Drink

AP Snow Outdoor Energy Drink

AP Pink Outdoor Energy Drink

I haven't tried any of the others, but I wouldn't recommend it.  Maybe I didn't like it because I'm a "city boy"?

Further research shows that RealTree energy drinks have a facebook page!  Here's what people are saying:

Noah King

Y'all should make a max 4 duck blind can? That would be awesome

October 8, 2012 at 1:28pm near Palmyra, TN

Nice use of the question mark there, Noah.

Christopher Kappius

Think u for getting your drinks out here in omaha nebraska now we can get down to some hunting

August 24, 2012 at 12:03pm near Bellevue, NE

Yee-haw! 

Jimmie Evans

The low carb energy drink by realtree is by far the best energy drink i've tasted yet! I'm hooked

August 5, 2012 at 9:01am

Jimmie, you poor SOB, you must have had your entire mouth and sinuses burned out in some kind of explosion to think this shit tastes good.


Here's my review in numbers:

Look/Feel:  10/10  -  It's camo and that's just hilarious.
Taste:           0/10 - Oof.
Effect:          2/10 - Maybe nothing happened because I was concentrating so hard on something maybe happening death-                              related or otherwise.