SDSU to the Barn

And I really don't feel like writing any sort of preview. If that's your kind of thing, check out the one at from the Barn. Instead, look at this awesome beer pong table, the picture of which I completely stole from someone else's facebook page:

*****UNKNOWN AWESOME PLAYER ALERT*****

While learning just how awful Hawaii is at defense, taking care of the basketball, and shooting while they get worked over by the not as good as you think Illini, I discovered an unknown gem in the Rainbow's 6-7 Junior forward Roderick Flemings. In addition to have a sweet name, he posses a good jumpshot, an insane vertical, good ball handling skills, and a nice mid-range game including a turnaround jumper from about 12 feet. As an added bonus, he's lefthanded.

He reminds me a bit of Hakim Warrick, which sounds silly until you look at both his stats and his pedigree. This is his first year with Hawaii after transferring from JuCo, but he did play his freshman year for Oklahoma State, where he averaged 3 points and 2 rebounds per game in 11 minutes - signing there after being given four stars by Scout.com and ranked as the #10 small forward in the country. Things didn't work out and he ended up at a Texas JuCo where he averaged 21 points and 12 rebounds per game and signed with Hawaii despite being offered by Georgetown, UCONN, Kentucky, Texas A&M, West Virginia, and Arkansas.

He's made an immediate impact, needed badly on a team that lost seven seniors, leading the team in scoring (17.0) and steals (1.4) and second in rebounding (7.2) and assists (2.2), while shooting 47%. He had a double-double in his previous game in against Prairie View with 22 and 13, and has already done it against the Illini with 11 points and 10 rebounds as I type this, with 11 minutes remaining in the game.

The rest of the Rainbows suck worse than the name the Rainbows, so this information probably won't help you in any way whatsoever, but if you do hear about him for some reason, just remember you heard it here first.

Some info that might help you, however, is that Chester Frazier of the Illini is 4-6 on threes tonight, and looks like he might finally have learned how to shoot. He's shooting 33% so far this year, which, sadly, is a career high. Not that I'm particularly worried about Illinois or Frazier, but one less weapon for a Big Ten team is always a good thing.

Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Big 10 Basketball. What? Did you think you’d be talking about the Big 10 as one of the better conferences in the land this season? It’s looking that way right now. The teams went 5-6 in the ACC/Big 10 challenge, as well as they have ever done. Other than Indiana, almost every time has had some good success this season. Illinois almost beat Clemson and followed it up by beating Georgia by almost 30. Iowa has a win over K State and almost beat BC at BC. Northwestern has wins over Florida State and DePaul, and even lowly Penn State has a win at Georgia Tech. The top three teams heading into the season are the ones who are struggling to win marquee games, with a Badger win over Virginia Tech, a Purdue victory vs. BC, and a Spartan win over Oklahoma State their only good wins, with big whiffs in other major matchups. The two teams who are really helping to elevate the national profile for the conference are Ohio State and Michigan. The Wolverines beat #4 Duke 81-73 on Saturday, making the Blue Devils the second #4 ranked team they’ve knocked off this year after beating UCLA earlier in the season. They managed to hold Duke to 7-33 shooting from three, and this shows the UCLA win was no fluke. Michigan has put themselves in great shape to get to the tournament, with just four cupcakes remaining on the non-conference schedule before Big Ten play begins (they will also play UCONN in Feb), if they can manage to go 9-9, they’ll be in. That leaves…..

2. Ohio State Hoops. The Buckeyes had a HUGE week, beating two ranked teams on the road. They won at Miami in the Big 10/ACC Challenge 73-68, and followed it up by beating the #7 ranked Irish of Notre Dame in South Bend 67-62 on Saturday. Swingman Evan Turner is turning into the sort of all-around player they need, averaging 17 points, 8 rebounds, 3.4 assists, 3 steals and a block per game while shooting 56% from the floor, 50% from three, and 90% from the line. Wow. These are numbers I always expected from Lighty, not Turner, but I’m sure the Buckeyes will take it either way. The scary thing is that they aren’t getting a major contribution from either of their stud freshmen, BJ Mullens or William Buford. If either fo those two really get it going this season, they’re going to be quite dangerous.

3. Baylor Hoops. Remember last week how I said Baylor was looking quite good this year, but I was interested to see how they played against Washington State and their size since the Bears are so guard oriented? Well, the answered the question – their guards are good enough so that it doesn’t matter. The Bears waltzed into Pullman, WA and walked out with a 58-52 victory, showing they can handle a slow pace as well as their quicker one. The Cougars bigger guys (Klay Thompson, Aron Baynes, Daven Harmeling) all played well and also held the two big guys for Baylor, Kevin Rogers and Quincy Acy to 2 total points, but the Baylor guards were good enough to pull out the win, and the team outrebounded Washington State. Good win, especially on the road. I’m mentioned it before, but I’m officially announcing Baylor as a sleeper final four candidate.

4. Gopher Hoops. They played awfully sloppy at times in both games this week, but wins against Virginia by ten and Cornell by seventeen makes for an excellent week, no matter how you slice it. My thoughts on the Virginia game are elsewhere, so I won’t spend a lot of time on that, but the Cornell game was certainly interesting. A very sloppy first half that led to a 40-28 Big Red lead mainly behind Ryan Wittman was erased in a hurry in the second half, where the Gophers end up outscoring Cornell 43-14. What really helped Minnesota was the Big Reds complete contentment with hoisting threes all second half, and completely ignoring both anyone posting up and dribble penetration in general. The ended up shooting just 6-28 for the game, and that, along with a massive rebounding advantage (35-24) helped lead the Gophers to a big win. Such a big win, Ralph Sampson actually showed some emotion after dunking on some big white doofus’s head. Next up is a mostly useless tune-up at Williams against waste of time South Dakota State (2 of their 4 wins are against non D-I teams) before heading to Arizona to end their unbeaten streak and get stomped by Louisville. I also want to mention that the student section did an outstanding job with their chants with Wittman on the line, particularly “Fire Wittman” and “Where’s your daddy” when Randy had already left. Excellent work.

5. Miami Dolphins. Miami's 16-3 win at Buffalo, the second straight game the Bills could only muster 3 points, brings them to 8-5 and in a three way tie for the division lead with the Jets and Patriots. A huge change from last season, when they finished 1-15, and somehow someway just managed to luck into an OT against the Ravens to avoid going 0-16. Now they may have the inside track to the division crown. With their three remaining games against crappy San Francisco and on the road at crappy Kansas City before closing out against the Jets, they have the easiest schedule of the three contenders. It's hard to believe that noodle-armed Chad Pennington is the one leading them to this success, but he's getting it done. He's not throwing for a ton of yards, but is fifth in both completion percentage and QB rating, and has a 2-1 TD/INT ratio. Give Parcells credit, the man builds winners wherever he goes.


WHO SUCKED

1. Ball State football. After going undefeated throughout the regular season, the Cardinals dropped the ball in the MAC title game, falling to Buffalo 42-24 and dropping their record to 12-1. They weren’t headed to a BCS game, since their schedule was pretty ridiculously easy with no ranked teams in sight, but this kills quite a few interesting things. They no longer are on of only three undefeated teams in college football, so that cute little story is killed. There were two possibilities for their bowl destination, either the Motor City, and having an undefeated team involved would have made that an interesting bowl for the first time ever, or a slim possibility that they could make it to the Humanitarian Bowl to play Boise State – another undefeated team that won’t be in the BCS. Whether or not they could figure a way to swing that matchup or not is now irrelevant thanks to the Cardinals five turnovers, including two fumbles that Bulls’ defenders returned for TDs.

2. Missouri football. What the hell happened here exactly? When I saw Mizzou was +18.5 to Oklahoma I had to take it. Too bad I turned out to be better on the ghost of a memory of history, as the Tigers got trounced by the Sooners 62-21 in the Big 12 Championship, ending what had to be a very disappointing season for fans at 9-4. Sure, they’ll end up playing in the Alamo Bowl and probably dismantling Northwestern, but this is a team that had National Championship aspirations and fell way, way short. Remember this team was 11-1 last year with a shot at the BCS championship game before losing to Oklahoma in the Big 12 championship, and had its stud, Chase Daniel, back for another year. The started this season ranked 6th and had a handful of first place votes, climbing all the way to #3 before starting their free fall. Now Daniel is graduating, and Missouri will likely plummet back into the depths of mediocrity from whence it came.

3. Kentucky Hoops. Wow, talk about a program completely falling apart, the Wildcats are really struggling and the same group of fans who essentially ran Tubby “The Black Jesus” Smith out-of-town would probably commit several violations to get him back at this point. Even Rivals.com writers are calling out Gillespie for the way the team is falling apart after losing once again at home, this time to the U of Miami 73-67 on Saturday. It wasn’t so much that they lost - Miami is at least ranked - it’s that they fell behind by 21 points right out of the shoot. This gives the Cats their second home loss this year, joining their loss to VMI in the season opener. Couple those with the home loss to Gardner-Webb last year, and things are shaky in Lexington. A few decent wins in a Vegas tourney over West Virginia and Kansas State made it look like they might have gotten things straightened out, but now more questions abound. Is Kentucky just “another program” and no longer should be considered one of the national powers? Has this already happened?

4. Green Bay Packers. Oh uh, faggy Packer fans, looks like your squad is pretty much dead and buried after losing, at home no less, to the Texans 24-21. This drops the team to 5-8, three games behind the suddenly better than mediocre Vikings - although it remains to be seen what happens with the QB and DT positions - and effectively kills any playoff dreams, other than those that come in an alcoholic stupor. The Pack would need to win out and have the Vikes lose out just to tie, not even going into what they would need from the Bears. Would they have been better off with Favre this year? No, no they wouldn't. Favre had a better completion percentage and that's about it, Rodgers outperformed him in every other measure. This, of course, is where morons come in and say, "No he didn't, Favre outperformed in the wins column and that's all that matters. Also Bert Blyleven should never make the Hall because he didn't win three hundred games and Bartolo Colon completely deserved the 2005 AL Cy Young award for winning 20 games even though Johan Santana's WHIP was under 1 and his ERA was almost a full run better." I love you guys, keep up the good work.

5. Fouling up by three. Disturbing trend alert. You know how some people believe that if you are up by 3 with less than 10 seconds left and the other team has the ball you should foul to put them on the line instead of giving them a chance to shoot a game tying three pointer? And even though it may actually be the right choice (it's certainly debatable) it's incredibly, soul crushingly boring as a viewer and removes the excitement of the last second shot? Well, I've now watched two games (Florida/FSU and one I can't remember) where this situation arose, and they both fouled, and they both ended up winning. In a copy cat world, this frightens and confuses me. Last season, if you'd care to recall, NFL coaches all started calling timeouts right before last second field goal attempts, effectively making the kicker do it twice. One coach did it (shananahan?) and then everyone started doing it. If this "fouling" thing actually catches on, I'm afraid we're in for a lot of boring endings to games that could be much more fun. Not to mention that it kind of seems like a cheap way to win. Legal and all, but kind of girly. I don't like it one bit.

Last Night in Whore-Lando.

Hi. Last night in Whorelando Calrissian. And thank god for that. I think my reality is unraveling. Didn't get done with the seminar tonight until after 6. Heading over to the Capital Grille (Filet Mignon au Poivre, mashed potatoes) and put down a couple of nice dirty martinis. Have seven beers left in the fridge, so probably won't be a super late night or anything, but I'm already feeling a bit good, especially since the Gopher Hole stole my Midwest Classic idea and is passing it off as their own. Haters.

- Holy crap, some dude from USC just punched Blake Griffin in the nuts. Like, he walked right up to him in transition, and popped him right in the cubes with his left hand. I mean, he tried to be all sneaky about it, but the camera just so happened to be zoomed in because the announcers were, not surprisingly at all, focusing on him as if he was the Queen of Sheba. So we saw it live. That was awesome. I've never seen anyone be so blatantly dirty, other than when Laettner stepped on the dude who he secretly wanted to sleep with. And I guess when Albert Haynesworth stepped on that dude's head, but this is definitely third. I guess they can use instant replay, and since the cameras were on their boyfriend they saw it and ejected the guy. He's kind of my personal hero though.

- The announcers just said that Wayman Tisdale is the greatest Sooner of all-time. I'm not buying it. I think it's because he is there at the announcing booth, survived cancer, and can play a mean guitar. Just because I'm bored of this game and there's nothing else on (no NFL network here so I can't watch my exboyfriend LT), let's find out. He was a three-time all american (wow) and won a gold medal. He's one of only 108 players to finish his college career with 2,000 points and 1,000 rebounds, and the only Sooner. Out of those players, he ranks 11th in points and 91st in rebounds. He's the all-time leading scorer for Oklahoma. He ranks 8th on the Big Eight's list of all-time rebounders, so I assume that would put him first or second in Oklahoma's history but I can't find that actual information. I would like to go ahead and change my mind and agree with random announcer guy and say Tisdale IS the all-time greatest Sooner.

- If you take away the people I've never heard of, you can pretty much put that list of people with 2,000 points and 1,000 rebounds into shocking and not shocking. Not shocking would include Lew Alcindor, Larry Bird, Danny Manning, Oscar Robertson, David Robinson, Keith Van Horn (god was he good at Utah), Elgin Baylor, Chris Laettner, Jerry West, Rick Barry, Ralph Sampson, Patrick Ewing, Danny Ferry, Xavier McDaniel, Pervis Ellison, Derrick Coleman, David West, John Wallace, Tim Duncan, and Alonzo Mourning. Varying degrees of NBA success, but pretty damn good college players. Then you have a few shockers like Stacey Augmon, Rafe LaFrentz, Hakim Warrick (I love him, but these are really lofty numbers), Nick Collison, Bill Cartwright, Sam Perkins, Adam Keefe, and Byron Houston.

- I guess there are two more categories, former and current T-Wolves (Gerald Glass for real, Laettner, Gary Trent, and Ryan Gomes) and It sucks you died because you were awesome (Hank Gathers).

- For reference sake, Steve Esselink scored 174 points and had 70 rebounds in his career.

- Funny. I just played a game at Whatifsports with a team I drafted, and I decided to play the 2008 Twins to try out this new team. Game tied in the bottom of the ninth, and they bring in Brian Bass. Hit, hit, walk, hit, game over. So perfect. Also please ignore the nerdiness of this whole thing and instead concentrate on how accurate it is that Brian Bass got destroyed.

- So, hi, again, although you are unaware that I left. I did, indeed, head to the hotel bar because I was bored. The same scary bartender was there again, but she seemed less scary tonight, perhaps because I was more durnk. Nothing particularly interesting here, except that I heard one guy describe some other dude as a "good ole boy" which is incredibly terrifying. I immediately said, "the South shall rise again" because I assumed that's what I was supposed to do. He walked away with no comment. I'm guessing he needed to talk to his friends about if I should be inducted into his KKK clan, but I didn't stick around to hear the results.

- When I was down there they showed that UCONN just barely beat Buffalo, and then some guy whose name I didn't catch said "This was a good test for UCONN." Really? They were 3-2 going into the game with wins against Youngstown, Canisius, and Temple and losses against Niagara and Evansville. I suppose the Temple win is pretty decent and the Niagara loss isn't a killer for a team at this level, but losing to Evansville is like losing to the Detroit Lions, whoever you are. Of course, he might have meant it's a good test for UCONN being in a close game since they've destroyed everyone but LaSalle (won by 8) but I prefer to think it's the meaning where I can make fun of whoever that was.

- Can anyone explain the shooting sleeve to me? Does it have any actual value? L-Dub and Hoff and Devoe are or have worn it, and I don't get it because AJ Abrams wears it too, but he wears it on his shooting arm where if I remember correctly at least one of those gophers if not more wear it on the off arm. I think Iverson started it and wore it on his shooting arm. Is it a real thing that matters, or is it a cosmetic deal like when Kerry Kittles did that thing with his socks? Plz help.

- UCLA has a dude named Michael Roll who is a white guy and three point specialist who is a bit chubby. Didn't they used to have a dude named Michael Roll who was a big tall bald black guy who couldn't make a free throw ever? Am I crazy? Plz help.

- This Tejas/UCLA game is pretty good. I'm convinced AJ Abrams is a rich man's version of Lawrence Westbrook, and Alfred Aboya is kind of a retard.

- So the Sox traded Javier Vazquez for some prospects from the Braves. This, along with the Swisher trade, shows that Ken Williams is a little bit smarter than your average GM. He's trading "key" pieces of last year's team for some youth, and that's an excellent move for the Sox, especially if he's committed to Ozzie Guillen, who should probably be committed (HI-Yooooooooooooooooooo). And they may not be done, as it sounds like Jermaine Dye and Bobby Jenks could be moved as well, which would be sad because Jenks sucks goat ass. As I type this ESPN is breaking down the AL central and their moves and the big Twins move is trying ot sign Casey Blake which is incredibly depressing. don't you love the whole Twins strategy of signing washed up guys and hoping they work out? Tony Batista, Mike Lamb, Adam Everett, the list goes on. It always works out. Expect Lillebridge (Vaz trade) to make a pretty big impact this year.

- You know, I always limited myself to two martinis because if I had more than that I became stupid and retaded with no real judgement. tonight I did not factor in my decreased tolerance since Wonderbaby arrived. It's ok though, since the training this week has also been stupid and retarded.

- Speaking of wonderbaby, I'm not going to lie to you I miss her like you wouldn't believe. Mrs. W has a blog where she posts her pictures (which I would never post here) and looking at it right now almost makes me cry. Four days without those two is way too much, and I don't get home tomorrow until 8:30. Thanks work, you assbangers. Anyway, here is an awesome video of Wonderbaby showing how she learned to wave.

- Speaking of the training, it was fun today because I got praised for being a math genius because I could calculate simple percentages in my head. It turns out most business people are morons. Then this one chick was all like, "oh, I once knew a guy who could calculate 10 factorial in his head" and like ten seconds later I was like, "It's about 3.6 million." Holla.

- Any chance we can just go ahead and get over the whole Plax Burress deal?

- Here's Wonderbaby eating bacon. She loved it. It's funny


- By the by, it seems Esselink continued his career in some Mexican league. Also in this league would be Taliek Brown (UCONN), Will Frisby (Miami), and Oliver Lafayette (Houston). Those last two dudes were decent, but that's the whole of the league. And when you look at the overall league rosters, sunshine doesn't even show up so I don't even know what that means. Someone send me $124.99 so I can get access to this data. I promise I will look at it all the time.

- Hey ESPN just informed me that Michelle Wie is leading the Qualifying Tournament for the LPGA. That's Q-School folks. As in, you have to finish in the top 10 or so to get your tour card. Good thing she was playing in all those men's tournaments though. At least she might win something. Although I'd guess not.

- Wow I made a huge mistake. I miscounted the beers in the fridge by an entire row. So when I thought I had seven left earlier, I had ten. And when I thought I had four, I had seven. So going to the bar was completely unneccesary. I thought I had two left and could go to bed, but I actually have five. Will i finish them all? Or call it after two? I don't know, stay tuned for your thrilling conclusion.

- Less than trhilling. I fail.

Big Ten/ACC notes from Whore-lando

Yep, back again for Whore-lando part III while I watch the rest of the Big Ten/ACC games, currently watching Penn State look really, really good. Not Colton Iverson good, but like, Devoe Joseph good without the potential to be a rock star. Had a nice dinner with only two drinks (Oceanaire - they have one here too; Blackened Grouper with creamed corn and a cup of clam chowder, all really freaking good). Hit the hotel bar for a couple of cranberry vodkas, possibly my new drink, and might have stayed longer if not for the absolutely terrifying female bartender. She looked like a biker chick, but not the good kind or even the interesting kind. More like the kind who is probably the next Aileen Wuornos. She gave me a look at one point that almost made me pee my pants before I figured out it was her version of a smile. Then, when I left, she asked if I was going to join the people at the karaoke bar in another area of the resort. I said no and she said if I did she would sing me a song. I think I ran the rest of the way back to my room, I mean Villa. Luckily, the fridge is still stocked. So sit back, take it slow, and let the good times roll.

- Am I drunk or has the Big Ten looked really good this year, at least comparatively? Penn State is up 9 right now at Georgia Tech with just five minutes left, Michigan hung tough with the same Maryland team who just beat Michigan State but looks like they're gonna fold now, Ohio State won at Miami, Iowa was right there with BC, and Illinois was right with Clemson before giving it up at home. Like your mom. It looks like it will be 5-4 ACC after the early games finish, but it seems like the Big Ten took a nice step into competitiveness this year. Kind of like a fifteen year old against a full grown adult in hoops compared to the 8 year old they've been the past however many years.

- Did you see that Tyler Smith had a triple double tonight against UNC-Asheville with 12/10/10? That's pretty good. I'm going to go ahead and file him away in my 'WHO WAS AWESOME' possibilities mental folder along with the unicycle lady.

- Michigan State embarrassing themselves with their defense right now, just letting Danny Green shoot and score every time UNC has the ball. They're playing defense like Snacks controlling Michigan State on Coach K, still the best college basketball video game of all-time. Any game that has Ricky Price and Charlie Miller as two of the best players on the game clearly knows what it's doing. Or maybe I was just that good.

- So, wait? Kevin and Pat Williams still get to play? How does this work? Is like when Travis Henry got busted for smoking the pot for like the twelfth time but still managed to play all of last season? Is it just fancy legal maneuvering? I need a lawyer to explain, and not an intellectual property lawyer, I mean a real lawyer.

- Draymond Green just got schooled by Ed Davis. He's no Ralph Sampson.

- Ty Lawson is the next Jacque Vaughn. Or TJ Ford. Or whoever. You know the type, college point guards who play the position well but can't shoot. Like Limar Wilson without the point guard skills.

- Hansbrough is just like Travis Busch, everytime he gets the ball in a scoring area he puts it up. Never passes ever. They're practically the same player.

- UNC leads 53-39 at half, and I'm pretty sure the Heels are shooting 101% from the floor. Northwestern hanging with the Seminoles for now, down just 1 with six minutes to go in the half. It's 17-16 though. Not exactly UNC/MSU here.

- Man, the Wolves played the Magic here in Orlando tonight, I'm totally bummed I didn't go, I love the NBA. I also think I read somewhere that Corey Brewer is out for the year for the Wolves. That sucks. How is he going to prove me right that he would be the best player in his draft class not named Durant or Oden? I guess we'll have to put that on hold for the year, and this might affect his entire career. It's only fair that we no longer count that prediction as valid. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

- Northwestern just missed three shots at the end of the half, all from 8 feet or closer. If you could some up the entirety of the history of the Northwestern program in 10 seconds, that was it.

- You know what the Gophers should do each year? Have like, a midwest challenge tournament, whether official or unofficial. I think the Iowa schools all play each other each year, I'm not sure if it's officially a tournament or not but I'm pretty sure they do. You could get Minnesota, Iowa State, Marquette, and Nebraska or Missouri as your big conference schools. Since you can't do Northern Iowa or Drake because I think they play ISU every year, or Creighton because they play Nebraska, you could go with someone else from the Missouri Valley - anybody would do but Southern Illinois would be great. Then grab UW-GB, UW-Milwaukee, or UI-Chicago from the Horizon, NDSU from the Summit (and kill the regular game each year), and a MAC team, maybe a directional Michigan school. You could rotate some of the teams each year from the minor conferences, or just keep it the same each year. This way you have no conference conflicts or anything, and you could do an 8 team tournament each year. Is this something that could happen? I don't really know the rules on this, but it sounds pretty freaking awesome.

- Jesus these games are boring. Michigan State is getting blown away, and the FSU/Northwestern game is quite the comedy of errors. That's the kind of comedy that isn't funny. And I'm kind of tired. Might have to call it a night.

- Sigh. This is what drives me crazy. Dickie V, the announcer for this UNC game, just commented on how good Tar Heel freshman Ed Davis has looked. He then said, "he's not a big name or a high level recruit, he's just a good kid who Roy Williams really liked, and he's rewarded him thus far." I knew that I knew about Ed Davis long before he signed, and sure enough, a quick check of the Rivals Top 150 has Davis as the 15th best recruit this season. He's also the top rated Carolina recruit. So pretty much the opposite of "not a big time recruit." It's like listening to Joe Morgan over here.

- I hate that firejoemorgan.com decided to quit.

- Did I mention that we were named one of the top 100 college sports blogs?

Gophers vs. Virginia

Ok, so I am back from a good dinner at BW3's (spicy garlic) and a few beers, and I have a bunch of beer in my full size refrigerator since my room is basically like a palace and I'm ready to watch the Gophers. Especially after picking all three games in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge correctly - I told you about Miami PJS, I told you. Speaking of them, they probably have a nice live chat setup and I'm guessing From the Barn does too, so you should probably just head over there if you're looking for interaction.

- This game is huge. Not for the Big Ten/ACC thing, because let's be honest, that's kind of stupid, although it probably wouldn't kill the Big Ten to win this thing once, but for the Gophers. They are favored by 8, and if they can manage to win this game it kind of will make me believe in them. A loss here cripples my hopes and dreams and will probably make me cry. Not Ralph Sampson though. If the Gophers lose, he'd just shrug.

- 20 seconds in and we have our first Ralph Sampson's dad reference. I'm going to go ahead and guess it's not the last.

- Just a minute later and there's number 2.

- Damian Johnson with a brick and an airball from three in the first 2.5 minutes. I still don't know who had the bright idea to give him the green light to chuck threes. Get your ass in the paint.

- Westbrook clearly feeling it tonight, hitting an 18 footer off a forty foot passed that bounced with no hesitation. Colton looking very good and very aggressive. Right now I'm feeling a big time Gopher win tonight, and I'm never optimistic. I feel like a pretty little girl sashaying around the park in my pretty little dress.

- And that's three mentions of Sampson and son. Ugh. But Ralph the senior is in the building tonight. He looks like he has cancer and aids. and a heroin addiction.

- This little white dude is pretty good. Reminds me a lot of Andy Rautins from the Cuse.

- Busch = one catch, one shot

- Shamala has a three blocked which leads to a dunk on the other end for the Cavs. I'm not so sure he has a place on this team against athletic teams like Virginia. He definitely has a place, I'm just not sure where in this kind of game. Except maybe the bench. That might work.

- Did I just hear Virginia has a dude named Farrakhan? That's awesome.

- HOff three, great move by the Black Panther for Virginia, and another three for the Hoff. The Barn is going crazy and this sucks that I'm in lame ass Orlando. You know who is in my seat tonight? Effing The Todd. You know what he knows about basketball? That he looks like Spencer Tollackson and Rick Rickert smells nice, that's it. Meanwhile, I'm in the capital of horrible drivers, with nothing but chain restaurants and dog crap restaurants all around me, and by day I have to spend my day from 8-6 in a stupid seminar that is going over things I already know. At least I get Marriott points.

- Iverson dominating. Team doing a great job on defense and in transition. This one is just waiting for the Gophers to run away with it. And Damian Johnson is amazing at everything except shooting threes.

- Busch = 2 catches, 2 shots (ok, that one was a layup and he was open, but still, keep watching, he won't pass)

- Yet another Ralph Sampson reference, that would make #4. He looks evil in some way.

- I missed it but Busch is on the line so I'm going to assume that's three catches, three shots.

- Ok, seriously, is Bostick nothing more than a less accurate Voshon Lenard? Is this what we have? Why was I not informed? He does nothing more than shoot threes. Does anybody have his game logs at his JuCo? What's happening?

- Nevermind, alley-layup. God dammit.

- Halftime, Gophers lead 32-29. They seem to be the better team, but can't seem to pull away. They should put this away in the second half. Needs more Sampson. The good, emotionless one, not the one who resembles Satan on crack.

- Turning over Virginia left and right to start the half, and are getting to the rim. There's no way they shouldn't end up winning this one by 10.

- Busch lets a pass go right through his hands to Virginia, who now cuts the lead to 4 with 10 minutes left. Did I mention that Busch isn't very good? And right now he and Shamala are in at the same time. Are you aware of how athletic Virginia is? How many guys are we trying to hide on defense right now? Why don't they just go ahead and put Hoffarber in too, just to see how poorly this team can actually play defense?

- Wow can they score quick this year, as the lead is quickly back up to 9 thanks to a couple quick Cav turnovers once Nolen came back in. He is so important to this team. I will also go ahead and admit that Hoffarber is much better than I thought he was going to be. Just an outstanding shooter. Really hard to believe those were both Monson recruits. And another Nolen steal for the dunk. Jesus put them away already.

- Gophers starting to get very sloppy with five minutes to go, and Virginia is back within six. Also just learned Farrakhan is indeed related the THE Farrakhan. And my boy Devoe just took it to the rack with an excellent move for a big bucket.

- Gophers finish up with a 10 point victory, good enough to cover the spread thanks to a Landesberg missed three at the end. Good win. And I'd just like to say that Colton Iverson looks really, really, really, really, really, really good. And I was worried about him before the season started. And one final mention of Ralph's dad, just to end the night on a predictable note.

Big Ten/ACC challenge

I'm not going to lie to you, constant reader, I'm reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly drunk right now, here in Whore-lando (I consider that quite clever) but I feel I should make some sort of attempt to say something about the Big 10/ACC challenge because apparently it's a big deal even though the ACC runs right through the big ten like buffalo wings through my colon. I will say before i get to the stuff that Orlando is quite lame. Every restaurant here is god awful. It's all chains, except for the Angus Steak Grill which we went to tonight and got humped in the butt. The food was awful. Worse than Olive Garden. For reals. But my hotel room (villa) is huge. And that light that says I have a message keeps blinking on my phone, but I don't know how to answer it.nb

Wisconsin got the Big Ten off to a nice start tonight, beating V-Tech, a pretty good team, on their own turf. According to the box score I found, it looks like it was a very good game, with both teams shooting well and rebounding well, and nobody turning it over like Rico Tucker on a fast break. Great win for the Badgers, and for the Big Ten.

Unfortunately it's not a one game playoff, and all the teams have to play. I'm going to do this quickly because otherwise I will pass out and miss my seminar tomorrow and that woudl be a shame.

Iowa @ BC - Iowa sucks. They are the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. I don't think BC is anything special, but their win against UAB in whatever that tournament was is a good win, even if Robert Vaden shoots more than Jesus. BC takes this one and takes Floyd of Rosedale home with them.

Ohio State @ Miami - This would be a Buckeye win, but it gets a bit trickier being on the road. I know PJS over at the The Daily Gopher is in love with Miami, and honestly you should head over there for a better look at the matchups, but frankly he's wrong and Miami sucks. They have no good wins on the year, no matter how much you want to suck off San Diego (spanish for whale's vagina). I know everyone thinks McClinton is the cats pajamas, but you know what? He's not. And also even if he was you need more than that to win games. I'm giving this one to the Buckeyes. Jay Burson 4-eva!!!!!!!!!!!

Clemson @ Illinois - Wow, two mediocre teams with good records. Seems like the standard at this point in the season. I hearted the Illini last year big time and they broke my heart, so I can't even begin to believe in them now. Plus Merl Code was a pimp. Plus, Clemson lost a couple dudes from last year, but they're still a pretty stellar team. Who's good on Illinois? Their leading scorer and rebounder is Mike Davis, and I don't even know who that is, so he's probably bad.

Duke @ Purdue - There's no real reason why Duke should lose here, unless Purdue is really that good. And they might be. I can't deny it. E'Twaun Moore can score with anybody, like The Todd, and they should pose a real threat to the little girl Dukies. Call me optimistic, but I'm giving this one to Purdue. I think they are the real deal, just like J.D. Durbin.

Virginia @ Minnesota - The Gophers have to win this game to be taken seriously. That alone scares me. But Virginia is not a major threat. An ACC team is always a bit scary against the slow ass teams in the Big Ten, but the Cavs are not good - unless Harold Deane and Curtis "the Curt Man" Staples are rolling into Williams. They gave the Cuse a bit of a scare this weekend, but also lost to Liberty at home. Freshman Slyven Landesberg is the new Sean Singletary without the PG skills and is averaging 21ppg, but the Gophers should have the pieces to slow the swingman down. I'm giving this one to Minnesota.

Indiana @ Wake Forest - If the Hoosiers were at home, they'd lose this one by twenty. So being at Wake, this is going to be an absolute blowout. I also read today over at the Daily Gopher that almost Gopher Verdell Jones got hurt in a bad way in their last game. Hope it's not a major deal. I'd like to see him lose his job to that weirdo walk-on guy legitimately. Could be a Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding deal. Stay tuned.

Michigan @ Maryland - Remember when the Wolverines beat UCLA? Was that their whole deal? I don't know, it seems a bit fluky when the Bruins are so young, but it's still a great win. I would love to see this game played at Ann Arbor, because the Terps showed they have some serious game with their win over Michigan State this weekend. With the game being in Maryland, I don't think Michigan, even improved as they are, has much of a chance against that foreign point guard and the Terps.

Penn State @ Georgia Tech - This would be a pretty good football game, with the edge to the Yellow Jackets. Unfortunately it's basketball. I also found a picture of myself at Valley Fair with my date the day after prom my junior year, and I chose to wear a G-Tech shirt with an obnoxious G-Tech hat. Still got some though. Holla.

UNC @ Michigan State - this is a biggie. The Spartans have illusions of being a national title contender this year, and this will go a long way towards letting everyone else know. Yet, the loss to Maryland this weekend looms large in my brain, as does the fact that this is a Big Ten team. I just can't seem them keeping up with the Heels, even in East Lansing.

Florida State @ Northwestern - it would be great if the Big Ten didn't have to include every team in the conference.

I have it at 7-4 ACC, but I could be wrong because math is hard. Go Gophers.

Weekend Review

[Sorry this is being posted so late. I had the whole thing typed out and then the internet connection at the NWA lounge crapped out on me before I could post it. At least I'm in Whore-lando now. My hotel room (or, Villa, more accurately) is bigger than my house.]

I'm writing this from the awesome lounge at the airport for awesome people, mostly because I'm so awesome, so I don't know exactly how far I'll get before I have to head to the gate. Be sure to check out the post below this for the first ever live hockey blog on DWG, written by hockey gurus Optimator and The Todd (no, that's not him pictured above. Looks just like him though). Excellent work, despite what a certain anonymous commenter might think. Anyway.......

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Gophers Hoops. Ok, awesome seems a bit strong, but another win over a less than awful team, this time beating NDSU 90-76, has me feeling pretty good about the team. Shamala put up a 20 spot, continuing to show his ability to dominate slow white guys, but I’m more impressed with the completely emotionless Ralph Sampson. The Third put up 12 points, six rebounds, and 3 blocks and was pretty much the catalyst for the second half run to put the game away. So far I’ve been impressed by Sampson, Iverson, Joseph, and even Carter; still waiting on Bostick. The team overall has looked solid, and although the wins over Georgia State, Bowling Green, @ Colorado State, and NDSU don’t register officially on the “quality wins” scale, I certainly consider them good wins. This week we are going to learn a lot more about this team, with games vs. Virginia and Cornell, probably the two toughest non-conference games other than Louisville.

2. Syracuse Hoops. There were a whole mess of tournaments this weekend all during Thanksgiving week, and thus a whole lot of winners. One of the first winners, with their tournament wrapping up pre-Turkey day, was the Syracuse Orange, winners of the CBE Classic in Kansas City. Knocking off two ranked teams, #18 Florida and #22 Kansas, has taken the Cuse from Big East Middle-of-the-packer to a team that will make some noise in March. And why not? Onuaku is a beast in the paint, Paul Harris can do it all, and Jonny Flynn is one of the top point guards in the country. That’s not even mentioning Eric Devendorf, who has looked bad but is coming off an injury that has caused him to miss all of last season. If the Cuse are beating teams now, wait until he gets his basketball ability back and their freshman continue to develop. Very, very good team.

3. UTEP Hoops. I know, right, it’s like, “what?” but the Miners have looked a little bit frisky this season. They certainly aren’t going to challenge Memphis for the C-USA crown, but they might be a little bit of an NCAA dark horse bubble contender. They are just 3-3 right now, but one of those wins is a very impressive 75-62 win over St. Mary’s on Thanksgiving. They also had a near miss with a 82-79 loss to Wake Forest. Their two excellent guards, Randy Culpepper and Stefon Jackson both average over 19 points per game and can take over when need be. I’m not saying they are a lock for the tournament, especially after getting trounced by Arizona State on Sunday, but keep this team in the back of your head.

4. Baylor hoops. I told you all Baylor was going to be awesome this year, and they proved me right. It takes a bit of the shine off their weekend with their loss to a surprisingly stellar Wake Forest squad in the championship of the 76 classic, but it was still a very successful weekend. A big win over Providence in the opening round and a very nice victory over Arizona State in the semifinals have them going in the right direction. They are very dangerous, with four guys averaging over 12 points and two more at 8 or better. Guard oriented to be sure, and that will help in the tournament, but a big key for this team will be the play of freshman forward Quincy Acy. With Kevin Rogers being their only major contributor over 6-4, the 6-7 Acy will need to keep up his high level of play to make the Bears more than just a tournament team and turn them into a real contender. He's averaging 9 points and 5 boards per game thus far, but has struggled to make much of an impact against the better teams. Baylor heads to Washington State to play on Saturday, and how they handle the size of Aron Baynes, Daven Harmeling, and Klay Thompson will be a good indicator if they will be able to handle the size of some of the guys they will face in conference play.

5. Bogart. The legend himself was in town for thanksgiving, and we had a great ole time. He brought Mrs. Bogart with him, who is expecting a little Bogart in May, and she managed to grab a picture with the man Spencer Tollackson (as seen above). Not quite as exciting as meeting Rick Rickert, but close. He also deserves mention for helping me come up with the best bit ever about Ralph Sampson III. Notice how he never, ever shows emotion or even seems to have his heart rate raise above average? Just imagine that he always reacts to everything with that same lack of emotion, and responds in a slow motion, monotone, eeyore voice. I know this makes more sense when you can hear it instead of read it, but bear with me because it’s funny. So, like, as Snake says he will be an All American after his junior year, and they call him and say “Ralph, you’re an all-american!” and he would respond, “Ok” in that monotone, slow voice. Then picture us all laughing like retards. Trust me, it’s funny. Also, back to Bogart, it was cool on Wednesday night when you made the drive over to my neck of the woods to hang, much appreciated, particularly because I didn't really want to do anything that night, and you talked me into it. Great night, great fun had by all. I don't think Oakdale will ever be the same. See you in Chi-town in two weeks.


WHO SUCKED

1. Detroit Lions. Worst loss in Thanksgiving history, and the path is well and laid for a 0-16 season. I know there are some out there who root for a winless season, such as epic douche Jim Rome, but not me. I’d love to see the poor, hapless Lions win a game, I just don’t know when it could happen. The lost their starting QB, and their backup, and their backups backup, and when Culpepper went out on Thursday they were reduced to Drew Henson. Remember him? Former three sport All-Stater in high school, started at QB for Michigan and was drafted by the Yankees. Played a few years in the minors and managed all of 8 major league at bats before calling it quits and deciding to suck in the NFL instead. I don’t think there’s a guy out there whose career ended up as far away as from what I expected as Henson. The bright side here though, is that the Lions are a virtual lock to beat the Vikings in a few weeks for their first win.

2. Siena. It’s not that they necessarily suck, but they definitely squandered a golden opportunity at the Old Spice Classic this weekend, going 0-3 and killing any slim hopes they had of picking up an at-large bid if they don’t win the MAAC. Asking the Saints to beat Tennessee was probably a bit much, but a loss to Wichita State is something that shouldn’t happen to a team that made the sweet 16 last year and had pretty much their whole team back this season, and Oklahoma State was definitely beatable on Sunday. Siena will still have an opportunity to get a marquee win with games at Pitt and at Kansas, but those teams might be out of the Saints’ league. They will probably still win the MAAC, but now will likely have to win the conference tournament in order to make the Big Dance, where a quality win this weekend would have gone a long way towards helping build their profile.

3. Louisville Hoops. I’m a Louisville guy. I’m a big Pitino guy, and always have been, but the Cards laid an absolute stinker out there Sunday against Western Kentucky, losing 68-54. What’s even worse is the game was in Louisville, and they still couldn’t muster up a better effort. The Cardinals shot just 28% for the game, lowlighted by point guards Edgar Sosa and Terence McGee going a combined 0-13. All those missed shots led to a lot of rebounds, and specifically a lot of rebounds for the Hilltoppers, who ended up with a 48-34 edge on the boards. The Hilltoppers aren’t awful, but they did lose Courtney Lee and 60 percent of their scoring from last year’s sweet 16 team, and shouldn’t have been able to even hang around with the Cards, much less beat them. Consider this slightly worrisome.

4. Buffalo Bills. I was informed that when a west coast team, in this case the less than mediocre 49ers, traveled east and played the noon game that they always play poorly. In fact, I was told that the Bills -6.5 was easy money. Not so. The 49ers may indeed have played poorly, but the playoff hopeful Bills played even worse, mustering all of three points against a very bad defense. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, considering they only turned it over once and Marshawn Lynch had 134 rushing yards (they outgained the niners overall 350-195) but I'm guessing it was really ugly. Like your sister. Rian Lindell's two missed field goals certainly didn't help.

5. Pat Reusse. I’ve gone after the retard before, but when he posts articles like this garbage I can't help myself. I won’t get into a whole Fire Joe Morgan style rundown again, but if you read the article his main gripe is that the non-conference home schedule sucks, outside of the Virginia game. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Reusse makes shit up pretty much constantly, and rarely, if ever, does any research. If you want a schedule similar to the ones teams like Michigan State or Duke play, you’re a retard. Will that come in time? Yes, assuming the program continues to improve, but at this point it would be counter-productive. Why would you want to trot a team that is counting on five new comers for major minutes and have them play a top 25 type schedule? It’s asinine. It’s worse that that, it’s unfathomable the depth of stupidity it would take to write this article. Ignoring for a moment the ridiculousness of dismissing the Lousville game because it’s not at Williams, how about I take, oh, about two minutes to look at the non-Virginia non-conference games? Concordia – cupcake, but traditional type of season opening opponent. Bowling Green – Upper division MAC team. Georgia State – Middle of the road Colonial team. Eastern Washington – bad. NDSU – favorite to win the Summit Conference. Cornell – favorite to win the Ivy. South Dakota State – bad. SE Louisiana – bad. High Point – upper division Big South team. So is it awesome? No, it’s not an overly tough schedule, but if you know college basketball – at all – you can see there are some pretty decent teams in this group. Just because there are no “name teams” retards like Reusse are going to sit and bitch like the uninformed dorks that they are. There's other bitching in here too, mainly about recruiting kids from Minnesota and how he hates games that aren't on Saturdays, but it makes less sense than the rest. Yet another reason why I miss Barreiro so much. Sure, he bitched, but he did it well, he did it in the right spots, he was generally informed about what his subject was, and he could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves. This makes me so mad. Luckily I have to stop now and get on a plane to go to Orlando (work, not pleasure) otherwise I could write about this for hours.

I'll holler at you later, probably with a few beers in me.

Hockey, Hockey, Hockey.

I'm still feeling the effects of all the turkey I ate yesterday. Well that and the pie, cookies, dip, stuffing, mashed potatoes, crackers, cheese, and whatever else got in my way. Now I plan to spend my day after Thanksgiving like any other money grubbing American. I will spend it shopping. If by shopping you mean buying several beers at the X then yes, I will be out shopping. And since I'm on a roll from yesterday I might as well throw in some cheese curds. Yum.

Mrs. Optimator and I will be attending the Wild game this afternoon at 1:00. The Wild are coming off another terrible loss to the Stars. They have lost their last 3 of 4 at home. Today they face off against the Tampa Bay Lightning. It should be close, low scoring, and boring game. Both teams are easily ranked in the bottom half in the NHL in goals for. It will probably be a total snooze fest but hey, it's hockey, and an excuse to go drink beer at 1 on a Friday. However, I was just thinking. That is actually later than a recent time with Snacks and the Todd when we met for lunch. W was MIA. More like AWOL. Back to hockey. I've been playing quite a bit of NHL 09 on the playstation lately and being the rube that I am I have to play as the Wild. They have this guy on the video game roster that is just awesome. He is so fricken dominant. I wonder what it would be like if that guy actually played for the Wild. His name is Marion Goborik. Have you heard of him before?

There was a quality article by Mr. Reusse the other day. I know. Hard to imagine. This was the "2008 Turkey of the Year" awards column. Wouldn't you guess who took home the turkey. Good old Marion Gaborik.

"We're now ready for the Grand Turkey -- and for the first time the winner is a ghost ... Marian Gaborik.

He was invisible for the Wild in the playoffs last spring. He's been invisible for the past seven weeks after allegedly suffering a mid-torso injury in an intense game of Hacky Sack.

Between these disappearances, Gaborik turned down the Wild's long-term offer for many millions.

Sad to say, the Turkey Committee couldn't locate Gaborik to invite him to the banquet and to hear our clarion call for change. Of course, in Marian's case, change could come in the simple act of playing a game." -http://www.startribune.com/sports/35164824.html?page=3&c=y

I think the really funny part about this is that Glen Taylor was the runner up. That is hilarious. I was thinking he would have been awarded a much more prestigious life time achievement. Check out the Wolves sweet win percentage this year, 0.231. Ouch.

Moving on to Gopher hockey.

For the second consecutive week, the Gopher hockey team is at the top of the list in the nationwide polls. I'm not sure how that works after splitting and getting destroyed 0-4 in the loss. I'll take it though. I guess we just suck less than the rest.

The Gophers will be hosting Michigan tonight and Michigan State tomorrow. I'm thinking they car pooled over here to save money on gas. The Gophers should win both games handily. The Todd and I will be attending tomorrow nights game. The Gophers have yet to lose the second game of the weekend and the trend will continue. I'm happy to say that Sioux fans can't say the same. Not even if you could understand them through their drunken, mumbling mouths and their team didn't suck...or blow. I don't know which. I always get them mixed up with Wisconsin.

For those of you not at at work, I hope you can enjoy the day off by doing something other than shopping. For those of you at work, sucks to be you. I'll have a beer on your behalf.

******************************************

Ok, The Todd and I are watching this embarrassment and decided to fire up the ol' laptop. We will be live blogging the remainder of this terrible game.

The Todd and I (Optimator) turn on the game during the first intermission. Much to our chagrin they are down 2-0. Nothing to worry about right? WRONG!!! Within in the next few minutes they give up two more. What is going on here.

Have you ever wondered who the backup goalie is for the Gophers? Well we just found out. His name Ken Patterson. I'm not sure if that name sounds porn starrish or local on-the-scene news reporter. Either way, the name does not sound like a hockey goalie.

10:42 in the 2nd - Freshman Jordan Schroeder puts one on the board for the Gophers. He is a stud. Let's hope that's not the last one for the Gophers tonight.

11:53 in the 2nd - Ryan Stoa takes a stupid penalty. He should be scoring goals, not giving up power plays.

I have tought Mrs. Optimator all of the different penalty calls so she is quite savvy. She knew the penalty and the hand gesture straight away. That got us to talking. The Todd has almost no clue about basketball fouls. I just explained how 1 and 1's work. He kept saying 1 in 1. No The Todd, 1 AND 1!

The Todd is here.

Hello my peeps...I have to piss. I'm happy to report that the first Gopher action I'm able to take in this year is a complete poop sandwich. WTF. Lifeless is the best term I can come up with at this point.

On a lighter note, Optimator and I will be taking in the game live tomorrow from the Yooch against the hated MSU Spartans. If you're wondering, I'll be wearing my Gopher Jersey SANS my name on the back. I'm never too old for that.

I did my part today to stimulate the economy, good times right there. How about the savages in NY who happened to trample to death some poor Walmart employee? Jesus, I've lost all faith in the human race, I mean honestly. If you don't get the Sponge Bob Square Pants backpack for $4 off, life will go on. Pretty sure the sun will rise tomorrow.

Surprise surprise, open the flood gates...the Wolverines just scored to take a 5-1 lead with 1:09 left in the second which at this point, seems insurmountable. F to you Red Berenson, F to you. PS, the flat top went out of style in the 70s, get with the times.

I'd also like to point out that I'm 5th wheelin it right now and the two married couples are conversing about muskrats and dogs fighting in the neighborhood...WTF...now BEAVERS..."those things are BIG."

Stop the presses, the Gophers just scored with 18 seconds to go in the period...Ryan Stoa to the rescue...there's still a shred of hope.

2nd intermission is upon us with the Gophers in quite a hole down 5-2. I've been in worse situations, like that time I shat on a friend's lazyboy chair in my drunken sleep...that was EMBARRASSING. With that, I'm off to get myself a High Life Light, in a pretty decorative camoflauge can...nothing screams class more than that. Toodles...

And we're back...start of the third...still The Todd here. I just glanced and someone scored for the Gophers cutting the lead to 5-3 with about 15 minutes to go...here we go boys.

I just finished explaining to Optimators what "Wall-to-Wall" means on Facebook.

In the mail today I received a sweet Christmas card from Snacks and his wife...LOVE IT! Swear to god buddy, I've got it up on my fridge. I think it'd be funny if I took one of myself and sent them out. Yes, I'm a little bitter about a single loser at this point in my life.

We've got music rockin in the background and a little Freak On A Leash by Korn came up...ah yes, the good old days. Blind, circa the mid 90's sticks out for me for some reason.

13:22 to go here, still down two. It's hard to live blog and still watch the game. How do you do it WWWWW??

I haven't gotten a lot of good sleep this week as my parents are in town so I've been relegated to the single bed in my spare bedroom being the nice guy I am. Oh yah, and I'm with the dog (no, there's no peanut butter). He won't move to save his life so yah, I've got a kink in my neck and bags under my eyes the size of Bogart's sack.

Optimators was dead on by saying how lame it is without Woog giving the play by play. TBN just isn't cutting it.

Oooo, I think we might be firing up an intense game of Phase 10 shortly...AND, Prince just came up on the shuffle...said Optimators, "people are going to start having sex!" I hope it's me...with a girl.

I just realized I haven't showered today. Up early this morning to hit Best Buy. Oh how I love BB and schmegma i.e. fumunda cheese.

I'm happy to report I'll be starting a new cardio program possibly as early as tomorrow. DDR. For those of you out of the loop, that stands for Dance Dance Revolution. That's right, laugh all you want but I hate running and this will hopefully get me off the couch unlike Facebook and Guitar Hero.

Mmm, the McDonald's adds on the boards are making me really hungry.

And UM (Wolverines) just put it away with 9:14 to go. We'll give them that, that was pretty. Ain't no thang, it's not even December for cripes sake...lot of season left.

This is a terrible live blog and I'm 100% sure it's because I'm stone sober. I know, I can't believe it either.

I might be on my own here but I do like Michigan's helmets with the yellow on it.

Ooo and now a Wendy's add I've spotted on the boards. Did I ever tell you the time I went to Wendy's twice within 45 minutes spending about $15 total? Great day right there.

Mike Hoeffel, WTF have you been all year...he hasn't done shit yet has he? Bring back Bonin.

Best part of the night...guess the band game...I name the band...Optimator's wife doesn't hear it, throws out some band name which is wrong...with Optimators turning to her and saying, "you're embarrassing me."

And with that, we're off to play cards...good night and good luck!

Gophers v. EWU

Sitting here, hoping Mrs. W stops talking about baby clothes some time soon, and about to watch the mighty Gophers as I drink down a drink or two.

- Drink of choice tonight is a Vodka/Cranberry. I don't know why, I think I've maybe had one of these before in my life. I guess with tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I'm in a cranberry mood. Which is extra weird because I don't like cranberries, fresh or canned. The drink is pretty good though, and not at all girly or gay if mixed properly, where mixed properly = at least 50% vodka. I think I'm running at about 71% right now.

- Awesome how we're missing the game here in order to watch the end of a women's game, and a women's game that is a complete blowout with Mich State leading ODU 70-46. There are about 3 minutes left. I suppose it being a blow out is good, so then we don't have to wait through the fouling and free throws at the end. They better not start the Gopher game til this band of strumpets finishes up.

- We missed about 20 seconds, and according to announcer guy an Abu Shamala drive for a score as the Gophers lead 2-0. It really sucks we missed it, because Shamala scores on a drive about once a year.

- DJ with a three point play, followed up by the kid from the sandlot scoring against him. Bad defense.

- Iverson takes it right at a short bald guy who is trying to D him up, and shows more moves right there than Kevin Loge did in his career. Excellent footwork by Iverson, helped out by the four inch advantage he has on EWU's "center."

- I had heard Westbrook may be out with a shin injury tonight, and that is indeed the case unless the Gophers "need him." Although if the Gophers "need him" against EWU, they "need" a lot "more" than "just" Westbrook and it's going to "be" a long "season."

- Abu Shamala is reading the starting lineup in a bit that hope becomes a regular occurrence on Big Ten Network. He reads well for a muslim.

- I think Busta Rhymes just checked in for EWU. Also, I'm dismayed to mention that it's 9-9 right now. 11-9 now. Iverson looking very aggressive against the overmatched Eagles with 6 points already, and this is a very, very good development. Also a good development: salma Hayek's chest:


- Devoe from deep, deep three. Dude is so much the man. He might be my new boyfriend.

- Bostick hits a three, which is awesome and also at the same time makes me sad because the fact that Bostick hit a three against Eastern Washington is something I thought would be routine, not cause for a flippin' parade. It's 24-11 now, so we should see plenty of Bostick the rest of the game.

- Bostick hits another three, and he's just going to go ahead and "leave it up there" Sidney Deane style. I thought he was supposed to be some kind of slasher.

- Count how many times Travis Busch gets the ball at the three point line or closer to the hoop and actually passes the ball. Honest to god, I think he's worse than Kris Humphries when it comes to shot to touch ratio.

- Shamala just drove past a guy. Right past him. What does that tell you?

- Announcer guy just referenced 2 Hard 2 Guard and how he would probably be the leading scorer for the Eagles if he was here. Of course, he used his "white world" name that "the man" would recognize and didn't call him 2H2G. Racist bastard.

- Halftime: 47-29 and it's basically a call your score kind of night. The guard play actually hasn't swung as much in the Gophers' favor as I thought, but it hasn't had to as the big guys, and specifically Colt Iverson, have completed dominated EWU who I don't think has anybody over 6-5. Colt has recgonized this and used it to his advantage in a big way, scoring 14 here in the first half. I really like this kid. In other news, the Eagles are bad enough that we will get a long look at Bostick in the second half. So far he's been ok, knocking down a couple of jumpers and a breakaway dunk, but hasn't particularly impressed just yet. He's looked unsure of himself at times, and I think he looks at the ball when he dribbles, but he's definitely looking better than he has in the other games.

- Taking a break to watch Top Chef. Tivo is running. Drinking will continue.

- Nolen having more trouble than I anticipated guarding Valentine on the outside, but now that I've seen him in person that little midget is crazy quick. It doesn't matter much, as he just drives past the guy guarding him but seemingly has never heard of a pull up jumper so he keeps going into big guy land and has to throw up some dumb swoopy-woopy crap.

- The defense is really giving up too many open shots early in the second half, but the offense is getting nothing but easy shots on their end so the lead remains 16, but this poor defensive effort is troubling.

- Rico Tucker is back, by the way, as I'm sure you were all worried. He's played in their last three games, but the knee must still be bothering him quite a bit as he's only played 12-15 minutes per game. Hopefully he gets better so we can all be witness to the glory once again.

- Busch with a catch on the block and a shot. He never, ever passes. You watch.

- Busch with a catch in the paint and a shot. He never, ever passes. Start noticing.

- Ooh boy, Paul Carter looks to be in a considerable amount of pain, and is rolling around on the floor. This is not a good development.

- I think Trent Tucker has a crush on Benny Valentine, and why not? Seemingly nobody can guard him.

- I'm calling an end to this as I have no real energy left to keep doing it. For the rest of the game I'm expecting more points from Valentine, no passes from Busch, and a 20 point gopher win.