Big Ten Preview - #8 NORTHWESTERN WILDCATS

Northwestern's outlook actually is pretty rosy this year:  John Shurna is back to look like a total spaz nerd and do a little bit of everything, Drew Crawford now has two years under his belt and should just continue to get better, Luka Mrkovich will once again be the middle moving very little, JerShon Cobb should be a breakout candidate, and most of the little bit parts are here once again as well.

Two problems.

The first being that the major piece that is gone from last season is Michael Thompson who I refuse to call juice, the guy who piloted this team for the last four years - including two of the best in the program's history - and left as the all-time leader in assists for the Wildcats.  That's not easy to replace and I don't know who is going to do it.  Actually I don't think Northwestern knows yet.  Alex Marcotullio is probably first in line, but let's be honest if he wins the job there's no chance this team makes the NCAA Tournament.  If Drew Crawford or JerShon Cobb can't transition from off the ball player to ball-handler the Wildcats will have to hope one of their promising newcomers - guards Tre Demps and David Sobolewski - are good enough to step in right away.  Both are described as combo guards which normally I'd make fun of because there's not a real PG on the roster but the Gophers are basically doing the same thing so who am I to judge?

The second problem is that, even if they work the PG spot out perfectly, I've already fallen for this.  I was convinced last year everything had come together for Northwestern to finally, mercifully, grab that first ever NCAA Tournament bid.  And how I was I rewarded for my faith?  Just like Snape was rewarded by Voldemort - a painful death.  So no, I refuse to buy in.  There's no reason to think they'll be better than last season, last season was supposed to be their perfect storm, and they sucked last season.  Boom.  The end.

DWG Over/Under Conference Wins:  7.5

Good Lord Lazy

(pic added, just for Snake)

14:00 - Watching the game on tape delay, and I wasn't going to type up anything or live (taped) blog this, but it's time to say lazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazylazy.  Sampson walks through the paint while a shot is in the air.  Westbrook walks out to defend his man.  Johnson lets the dribbler go right past him in transition.  Hell, Hoffarber has looked like crap defensively but I'm actually more proud of him than anybody else because at least he's trying, he just doesn't have the ability.  Seriously, this a pathetic effort.  I try harder to listen when Mrs. W is talking about The Biggest Loser, and god knows I'm not trying very hard.

12:02 - I don't hate aggessive-brook, but jesus christ he drives me batty some times.  There's a difference between being aggressive and just throwing up anything.  You aren't Glen Rice.  You don't have a "zone" like that.  Calm the hell down.  Of course, there are times where it's needed.  I'm just saying.  Not right now.

11:40 - we finally hit a tv timeout, and I'm pretty sure we just went all the way to the under 12 without a break.  I could be wrong.  I've had a few drinks.  We had a work thing (thus the reason I'm watching this on Tivo).  Oh, you want to know what I had?  I went with the Buffalo Ribeye (that's bison, not buffalo sauce, which I already had to explain once tonight) with fingerling potatoes and a couple absolut tonics.  No salad, because the communist restaurant we went to didn't have caesar salad.  What the F?

11:23 - Huh.  So even if you miss a timeout, they just give back to back ones even if you're under 12 minutes already.  Interesting.  I guess the Marines and the National Geographic Channel aren't just gonna sell themselves.  (NOTE:  I love the Nat Geo channel.  Naked Science and Hooked! are both awesome).

11:00 - I think Mrkovic has had his shot blocked six times already.  No joke.  I should also mention here that Northwestern isn't running that queer zone.  I'd bet anything they bust in out to start the second half.  Also Mrkovic just had his shot blocked again, this time Rodney rejected it so hard Mrkys boyfriend died.

9:20 - Nobody in history has missed as many close-in shots as Paul Carter.  It's not possible.

8:37 - By the way, the T-Wolves were down 40-16 after the first quarter tonight.  It's the only time a Minnesota team has been outscored by 24 points in one quarter.  Not counting Gopher football.  *rimshot*

7:20 - Bostick for three!  I'm telling you, he'd be the leading scorer in the Missouri Valley, not counting that dude from Drake.   

5:56 - Tie ball game at 21 after a Damian dunk.  That's two fantasy points, bitches.  And a Westbrook three gives the team the lead after a steal off the press that for some odd reason wasn't run at all against the turnover prone Spartans.  But we aren't allowed to question Tubby.  Forget I said that.

5:31 - Shurna dunk.  That's two fantasy points, bitches.

4:45 - By the way, if you haven't yet, check out the recruiting class Pastner is bringing in at Memphis next year.  It's so good that I am pretty sure I'm going to write a post about it at some point, but if you want a preview check it out.  It makes the Fab Five or this year's Kentucky class look like your typical Monson class (Minnesota, not Gonzaga).

4:15 - I have no idea what this offense is, but two Gophers just made the same cut, from the same spot to the same spot.  I'm going to assume that's not correct.

3:25 - Holy crap the Twins actually signed Thome?  Awesome.  I love this.  Snacks and I had a nice email conversation about this today.  They play Thome every 3rd game or so against righties (sitting Delmon and putting Kubes in left) and use him as a big bat late off the bench for anyone of their constant myriad of light-hitting infielders and it works very well, depending on price, which I haven't seen yet. 

3:00 - a bunch of steals and some points happened while I typed that.  Gophers now lead 31-23.

2:55 -  one year, $1.5 million with another $750k in possible incentives?  Freakin' steal.  I love this.  Please don't be old and suck.

1:00 - Carter misses another tip inside.  He's cursed.

0:45 - I see why Northwestern ranks so awful in getting their shots blocked on offense.  They just don't care who is around.  Any of those crazy white boys is willing to just take the shot at any time no matter who might be lurking.  Gotta be honest, not sure that's a winning strategy.

0:02.4 - Quote from Gardy "I don't expect him to come off the bench and be a .400 hitter. I expect him to come off the bench and be a threat," Gardenhire said. "He looks like stinkin' Babe Ruth. He swings like Babe Ruth. We've seen too many fly against us. Now let's see some fly for us."  I love it.  Let's let this moment be a philosophy shifter.

HALF - Gophers lead 33-25.  At this point you'd probably be thinking everything is going swimmingly.  Gophers lead by more than half of what they were favored by and really dominated the back half of the first half, so everybody be happy and dance and eat hot dogs.  Well guess what, Gomer?  We still haven't seen that queer little press, so let's not start making out with each other while the green guy watches from the corner just yet, k?

19:45 - There's the zone, and they work the ball inside and get an easy six-footer from DJ.  Beautiful.  Perfect, even.  Why can't I believe it'll be that way every time?

18:50 - Northwestern gets three shots that possession, which is embarrassing all by itself, but somehow airballs two of them.  I'm smelling rout.

17:49 - Ben Sheets got more than $8 million for one year?  Yamma hamma, it's fright night.  Interesting, and expensive, gamble, but say he is back to his old form and they can ship him out at the trade deadline to a contender?  Could be genius.  Probably not, but could be.

15:35 - Gophers handling the zone inexplicably well.  A lot of ball movement, good use of Ralph in the high-post (I'd bet he already has a season-high in assists this game, and a lot of penetrating the gaps (*thatswhatshesaid*)

15:05 - Gophers go with the second-unit crap, and for some reason Carmody pulls the zone off and goes back to man.  If ever a group of ballplayers was begging to be passively 1-3-1'd it's these guys.  Cobbs?  Williams?  Carter?  Bostick?  One ballhandler in the group and he's an overexciteable (yet full of promise) freshman.  And you want Iverson to play your high post?  If he doesn't end up scoring a bucket on an attempted lob pass at some point this year I'll be a monkey's uncle.

14:42 - Shurna heating up.  That's like 3 three pointers this half, and the lead is down to six.

13:41 - Bostick throws the lob to an open Williams that sails into about the 13th row.  When he is pulled, immediately, from the lineup Tubby calls him right over to talk - what do you say here?  Next possession and Hoffarber tries the lob to Williams and it's another misfire and another turnover.  See, now this is where you need to put a stop to this shit.  It's only a six-point lead, you can't be farting around like you're playing open gym against a bunch of guys in backwards hats who wear gold chains to play ball.  This needs to be a timeout/chewout situation.  He got Bostick out of there in a hurry, but golden boy Hoffarber is still in the game.  Could Tubby be a racist?  He did coach in the deep south, Oklahoma, and Kentucky.  I assume those are the three racist capitals of the world.  I think they got to Tubby.  It certainly explains a lot about why Busch played so many minutes last year.

12:18 - Fun rant and all, but it's now a four-point game.

12:04 - two point game after a Wildcat steal.  At least Tubby has the decency to call the timeout right away instead of waiting for the tv stoppage like a whole bunch of other idiots always do.

11:01 - Devoe and Johnson discuss who should guard "Juice" on the inbounds play, even pointing and making hand gestures.  Then they both leave him, giving him a wide open three-pointer without him even making a cut (or, actually, so much as a step) and he, of course, knocks it down to make it a 42-41 Gopher lead.  This team is going to kill me.  Literally knife me to death in my sleep.

10:05 - At least Ralphie is showing some aggression tonight, continuing to slowly develop into the player I always said he'd be before I turned my back on him a few weeks ago.  Bad fan?  Or master motivator?  Just because he's ignored my facebook friend request doesn't mean he doesn't read this blog every single day.

9:20 - Devoe throws it away against the 1-3-1 (7th team turnover of the half) and the Wildcats get the ball back down just two.  I'm afraid to watch.

8:29 - Alternating shitty possessions before Ralph gets open for a monster dunk.  He'll probably end up breaking a backboard at some point.  If Tiny Gallon can do it, why not Ralph?

7:57 - Carter misses a layup on the break.  I'm not even kidding.  That guy needs to go back to 6th grade gym class with Mr. Jones where he made you shoot layups over and over again, and then when he finally let you play three-on-three and you had to guard some massive girl who had six inches and sixty pounds on you would call you for a foul if you so much as hand-checked even a little.  And I swear it was just a handcheck, no hanky panky.  Although, now that I think about it, that might have been a golden opportunity.  God I was a dumb twelve-year old.

5:57 - Cobbs back in and Northwestern is once again in a man defense.  It's like they're scared of him.  Pretty sure the only entity that needs to fear Cobbs is the backboard.  Oh, and Juice hits a three right over him when he closes out weakly and lazily, and we're tied at 48.  They lose this I'm not going to a game the rest of the year, and it's time get after Tubby.  No joke.

5:08 - Shurna to the line after a DJ turnover.  My good buddy and occassional hockey guy Snake has a theory that Damian is on the take, and sometimes it seems to make sense.  For all the little things he does really well, he also does a whole lot of little things wrong.  Watch him carefully sometime, it's true.  Shurna makes 1.

4:45 - Hoff for three, Gophers by two.  I'm starting to think if Hoff was standing in Dinkytown taking volunteers to give him handies I'd be second in line (behind the Dawger.)

4:09 - Hoff for three again.  That's nine straight Gopher points for him.  I'm pretty sure I'd be first, and with a variety of lotions. 

3:15 - Lest you thought this was over, Nash hits a three, then a steal on a shitty Devoe pass leads to a Nash layup and we're back to a two point Gopher lead.  At least my Northwestern +10.5 looks good.  Unlike that shot Devoe just chucked up there that missed everything but the backboard.  Good lord does he clench at the end of close games.  I hope Corey doesn't have that same trait, or he's going to go to the podium to announce his decision and instead of saying "UCONN" he's going to blurt "UMASS."  It's funny cause UMASS sucks.

2:30 - Hoff for three on a great great great pass/decision by Westbrook on a play where I would have expected him to force his own shot.  Very impressed by that play.

2:20 - Terrible defense by Devoe, completely losing Shurna, but that was at least nullified by a nice DJ lay-in on yet another great pass by Ralph.  I knew this was going to the wire.  61-56 Gophers.  And we've seen our first "HOFFARBER FACTOR" graphic ever.  Congrats?

1:21 - According to "Chad Ford", Greg Monroe isn't a lottery pick this year.  That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.  There are four good picks this year:  Monroe, Wall, Favors, and Turner.  Who wants to bet the Wolves end up at three or four, but take somebody like Ed Davis?  I'd bet anything.  Except my vodka.

1:21 - I just looked further (dont' worry, game is paused) and Ford has Monroe as the #23 prospect behind guys like UNC's John Henson, who looks like a 6-10 Tayshaun Prince, if Prince was scared of contact, and Willie Warren, who is too small to play the 2 and too shitty to play the point.  This is baffling to me.  I'm baffled.  I suppose I'm better off watching the end of the game instead.  But I'm terrified.  I almost want to just skip to the end.  I won't.  I can't.  I'm going to watch the whole thing because I'm strong.  I'm like the Sojourner Truth of gopher bloggers.

0:55 - Joseph misses a wide open three with the Gophers up three.  You cannot miss that shot when your #1 skill is three-point shooting.  You cannot.

15.6 - Northwestern gets a terrible shot and misses, rebound out of bounds to the Gophers, but not before Juice goes right by Joseph.  Thanks to terrible decision making he kicks it out instead of scoring somehow.  Looked a lot like somebody playing a video game and hittng the wrong button.  Whatever, we'll take it.

10.6 - Devoe misses the front-end, but Hoff snags the O-board and gets fouled.  Remember what I said above?  Double it.  Blake makes both and we're looking at the rare team win and wager win.  Nice.

3.5 - Juice hits a forty-footer and we're looking at a two point game.  Not even the Gophers can blow this, right?  RIGHT?

3.5 - I want you to know that Cartier Martin scored 20 tonight for Golden State.  Apparently anybody can put up huge numbers in that offense.  Suck it, Curry (and, by extension, Dawger).

3.0 - Westbrook free throw good.  Carmody timeout. Hoffarber montage.  Westy free throw.  Ballgame.

It wasn't exactly impressive, but at this point I'm not really looking for style points.  Just win the game.  And they did.  I'd write more but I'm tired.  This team is exhausting.

Oh Snap, here come the Wildcats!

After the world's worst Minnesota sporting weekend I almost forgot that we now get to welcome Northwestern and their boring ass offense and amorphous blob of an unsolvable zone to the Barn.  Since no matter how hard I try to ignore this fact it won't go away, we might as well hit up a preview of sorts, eh?

1.  If Kevin Coble's hurt, why is Northwestern better this year than last year?  Mainly because Coble v. 2.0 is on the scene in the form of John Shurna.  He's gangly and awkward, yet fundamentally sound and effective all at the same time.  He was a three-star dork coming out of high school and wasn't heavily recruited and had a pretty non-descript freshman year but has exploded this season, more than doubling his scoring average (from 7 to 17), rebounding average (3 to 7), and assists (1 to 2.5).  Probably roid related.  Solid player (and also a member of my fantasy team, the Rick Rickert All-Stars).

Shurna isn't the only Wildcat to make a major leap this year.  Point guard Michael Thompson, who has inexplicably started going by the moniker "Juice", has increased his scoring by about 50% while increasing his assists and decreasing his turnovers and has already dropped 20+ against three good teams (Purdue, Notre Dame, NC State).  Jeremy Nash, the reptillian-like head to the aforementioned amorphous blob, is suddenly scoring almost ten points a game as a senior after averaging less than 3.5 througout his career and is stealing nearly two balls a game.  He's a major pest.  Add in major contributions from freshman Drew Crawford and it's easy to see why not only are they an NCAA contender this year, but could be real threat next year as well.

2.  Can you tell me more about this Crawford fella?  Sure.  Crawford, like most Nor'westerners, was a three-star recruit, but unlike most of them he was heavily recruited with offers from Wake Forest and Oklahoma State but chose to sign with the Wildcats due to his experience with one of the team's assistant coaches who coached his 7th grade AAU team and academic reasons (he had a 4.2 GPA in high school and scored 31 on his ACTs).  He's already made an impact at third on the team in scoring, rebounding, and three-pointers made and is a very versatile player at 6-5.  He can go off huge, with games of 35, 25, and 22 already this year, but can also be shut down (6 games of under 5 points).  Containing Crawford is going to be huge tomorrow.  Although Shurna and Thompson are the big guns, Crawford might be the most dangerous.  Like a sub-machine gun. 

3.  So who are the keys for the Gophers?  It seems pretty obvious if you ask me, and that's Devoe Joseph and Blake Hoffarber.  Joseph is the new point guard, and will be the main man responsible for dealing with that zone.  I like this, because a good way to beat a zone is to penetrate the gaps, and although Nolen could penetrate, he sure couldn't finish - just like you.  Devoe will have to balance dribble-penetration and smart passes with getting his own shot - not easy against the Wildcat zone, but I have faith.

As far as the Hoff goes, I am sure you remember how Dawger's boyfriend Jamal Abu-Shamala lit up Northwestern every time they played.  There are two reasons for that:  it's a zone and it's not an athletic team.  Well, they still play zone, they still aren't overly athletic (even with Crawford now), and Hoffarber is ten times the player Shamala was (and that might be low).  He should be able to get his shots early and often, and if he is still red hot could knock this game out in a hurry.

4.  If Minnesota manages to pull this out, is this going to end up being a win over an NCAA Tournament team?  Well, probably not, but there's a shot.  If Northwestern loses to the Gophers, that drops them to 3-5 in conference play and 14-6 overall.  Currently sitting at 56th in RPI (9 spots ahead of the Gophers) and 74th in Strenght of Schedule, they'd certainly have their work cut out for them.  They do have a signature win over Purdue and a whole host of medium-good wins (NC State, Iowa State, Stanford, Notre Dame), so I'd bet 9-9 in the conference would have a shot to get them in.  They still play Indiana, Iowa, and Penn State all twice so winning all of those gets them to 9-9.  It's not likely, but it's possible.  FYI that would mean the Gophers have a whole three wins over tournament teams.  Joy.

5.  In honor of the nerds, can you break this down numbers-wise?  Northwestern ranks 62nd in the country in offensive efficiency, 94th in defensive efficiency, and 288th in tempo.  The Gophers rank 63rd offensively, 12th defensively, and 68th in tempo.  The Wildcats biggest strengths are taking care of the basketball (24th in not turning it over), defending the three (opponents shoot just 28% against - 19th in the country), and shooting the basketball (84th in effective field goal %).  Minnesota's weaknesses are getting offensive rebounds (173rd), allowing offensive rebounds (176th), and defending the three pointer (117th).  The Gophers' strengths are causing turnovers (8th), defending the two-point shot (15th - just 41.8%), and causing steals (7th) and blocks (7th).  Northwestern's weakness are getting offensive rebounds (256th), getting their shots blocked (245th), and defending the two-point shot (205th - allowing 48.6%).

What's all that mean?  The teams matchup fairly well, and this could be a tight one.  Will Blake's hot shooting overcome a Wildcat defense that defends the three-pointer well?  Can Devoe (and Westbrook) get inside the zone and create opportunities?  Will the Gophers interior defense stifle the Cats inside players?  I don't know, but I know that things like "desperation" and "seriously need to win this one" actually go a long way in college basketball.  Plus, they're a bunch of nerds.

Gophers 70, Northwestern 64.

Gophers/Northwestern Game Blog

Absolute must win here for the Gophers. They probably need to win three of the last four to feel good about their NCAA bid chances, and this is the easiest of the bunch. Easiest on paper of course, ignoring Northwestern's earlier ass-whooping of the Gophers. And don't forget they went into East Lansing and beat the Spartans, so they aren't just a home threat.

A couple of keys before we get started:

1. Gophers offense. Stagnant, lazy, perimeter oriented, and it needs to get healthy while going against it's absolute nemesis - the Northwestern 1-3-1. The one, and only, shred of good news on this front is that the Gophers showed they have the ability to go against a 1-3-1 in the opening minutes against Michigan, where they attacked and penetrated and got good shots. Of course, the bad news is that they quickly abandoned that strategy to swing the ball around the perimeter and take bad shots.

2. Gophers defense. Lazy and not smart lately. Giving up a lot of open shots, and Northwestern has the shooters to knock them down. They can't give up as many wide-open looks as they did against the Wolverines, or this one will be over quickly.

Anyway, on to the game:

- God damn overtime in the stupid Iowa/Michigan game, as if anybody cares about that. Meaning, of course, that we won't get to the Gopher game until, like, the 12 minute time out. Which, I suppose, makes it just like pretty much every other Gopher home game.

- Ooh, live look split screen style at the Gopher tip off with Iowa up by 10 and up less than a minute left. Hello NIT Wolverines, enjoy yourselves.

- We're here, 17:45 left and Northwestern up 3-0. I'm going to assume the Gophers let the Wildcats have a wide open three. It's just what they do.

- Wide open NU layup as Sampson and DJ get confused on a screen, followed by an Al Nolen airball from three. I kind of want to turn this off already.

- Northwestern is in a man-to-man. I repeat, Northwestern is in a man-to-man. This makes zero sense. You don't need to play mind games and try to mix things up when the other team can't handle your base defense. This would be like having the spread gun in Contra but deciding, you know what, I'm going to go with the Laser instead.

- Defense looking very tough and very aggressive, creating turnovers and transition opportunities. Plus Devron Bostick just scored. Things starting to look a little more positive.

- Joseph fouled on a three point attempt about a foot behind the three point line. Of course, whoever the dumb announcer is says, "that's well outside Devoe Joseph's range." the way he's been shooting lately, I'm pretty sure if he's inside the half court line, he's in range. Watch a game once in a while, ass. 2-3 for Joseph, 11-5 Gophers.

- Defense looking even better. Northwestern is, at this point, chucking up threes but they aren't open. Generally they are a foot or two behind the line, and there's a Gopher flying out in the shooter's face each time. I am encouraged.

- Hugh Jackman is hosting the Academy Awards? What the F?

- I've thought about it, and I'm now convinced that Travis Busch is the worst player in the country averaging more than 12 minutes a game. And I'm including those guys on NJIT and other joke schools.

- My wife has really bad strep throat, and tylenol isn't helping, so we dug out some old Percoset she had from after she gave birth to Wonderbaby^TM. She's now wandering around the house saying, "this feels really good" and "I really like this." I'm concerned. And yet, the Gophers interest me more. Seems like they are dominating the game, but their only up seven (with 7 minutes left). Bostick looking great though with seven points already and a lot of PT. Maybe he won't transfer after all. I'm still hoping he doesn't, at least.

- And HERE'S the 1-3-1. This will tell the tale of the game right here. And they never cross the three point line, settling for a Westbrook heave with 3 left on the shot clock. I am now worried. Also worried about Mrs. W, who is now yelling at her Mac & Cheese for having clumps in the sauce.

- Announcer guy: "I think Minnesota sometimes struggles when their guards overhandle the ball, and they don't feed the big guys." Ok, so maybe he does watch the games sometimes.

- Halftime, Gophers lead 36-18 and are looking very good doing it. A very aggressive, high-pressure defense is forcing Northwestern into bad shots, and despite a lack of turnovers, they are able to get out and run thanks to a lot of missed Wildcat shots. In the halfcourt offense, they have for the most part utilized both dribble penetration as well as finding the big man on the block in order to get inside, not to mention attacking the 1-3-1 from the high post well enough to get NU to abandon playing that defense (although Paul Carter is far superior to DJ in that high post position). The Gophers have been helped by some cold Northwestern shooting, as they had some wide open shots they've missed, but overall it's their defense, reminiscent of the Illinois game, that's forcing the Wildcats to look bad. Excellent half.

- Player of the Half = Devron Bostick, with 9 points and, aside from one blown defensive assignment, has looked great and basically kept Hoffarber on the bench. Interestingly, it's also his birthday today. Happy birthday Devron, please keep this shit up in the second half.

- Mrs. W is now accusing me of deleting all the playlists off her Ipod, despite the fact that I've never used it and have my own synced to a completely different computer.

- Hm, the halftime summary thing is trying to tell me that Lawrence Westbrook has 11 points to lead the team, but I'm having trouble buying that.

- Northwestern going with that hell of a 1-3-1 to start the half. Gophers need to keep attacking and not try to sit on their 18 point lead. Also I just ordered Baseball Prospectus Guide for 2009. And Ralph made 2 free throws to stretch the lead to 20. Life is good.

- A Northwestern 3, followed by a shot clock violation after Nolen passed up an open three with about 4-5 on the clock. I feel less good. Kind of like before was eating fire sauce on a Taco Bell taco and it feels so good, but now it's kind of like about a half hour after that, when it feels like that alien from that movie about an alien is trying to burst out.

- Another shot clock violation, but the Gophers still lead by 20 because Northwestern is so awful. I think Northwestern vs. Kerwin Fleming, Kevin Payton, Travis Busch, Zach Puchtel, and Steve Esselink would be a pretty damn good game.

- "Colton Iverson playing like Allen Iverson." Ugh. How do these guys get jobs? Still up 19.

- Busch with a breakaway due to playing suckhole aka Spehar style, goes up for a layup and is "flagrantly" fouled by Nash, who was almost my new hero when it looked for a moment like Busch was injured. I know it's not very classy to hope for an injury, but.....well.....I got nothin' here.

- Al Nolen's new nickname is, "I suck at basketball"

- I dislike most of the fans who dress up like idiots because it's stupid, but the dude in the Paul Carter jersey with the Flava Flav clock that says "Tubby Time" is money.

- Mrs. W now talking about our Vegas trip in May with Snacks and his wife, Optimator and his wife, and two randoms including some chick who made out with Grand Slam at Snacks' wedding. Nothing particularly funny about it this time, but it did get me fired up for Vegas.

- 62-37 with 5 minutes left after an excellent pass from Hoffarber to set up Paul Carter for a three point play. I'm going to go ahead and say that's pretty much an allegory for the season. Hoffarber has two sides to him: the one dimensional shooter who doesn't do much else, and the all-around good player who can put it on the floor and do some things. I don't remember where I was going with this but your mother's a whore.

- 67-40 with four minutes left. I'm calling this one. Excellent win for the Gophers, and if they can figure out a way to play like this all the time there's no doubt the NCAA tournament is in their future. Let's hope they keep this up for the next three. And I'll close with yet another picture of Wonderbaby^TM. This is her climbing her walker thing while I watch the Northwestern/Michigan game. It would be pretty easy for her to tip that over and hurt herself, but on the other hand it looks cute and in order to stop her I'd have to stand up, so, you know.


Hey! Shamala hit a three, good job. Announcer guy just called him a pretty good player, so I can only assume that dude will be fired by the end of tonight.

Gophers vs. Cats

Tonight, in a huge rivalry game, the Gophers take on Northwestern in what is sure to be the game of the year.

Ok, I tried. I can't really get hyped up for this game. Hopefully the Gophers can, because even though Northwestern is 0-8 in the Big Ten, they have had two wins since Big Ten play began over fearsome Chicago State and Texas - Pan Am.

Ok, I'm not taking this seriously, and I really should. Northwestern very well could get their first Big Ten victory tonight, particularly if the Gophers come out as flat as they did against Wisconsin. I am not taking this game lightly, as I can envision the following:

- Craig Moore gets hot from three, and puts down 6-7 of them. He has hit five or more in a game five times this season, and isn't afraid to shoot them as he's attempted 10 or more five times as well. Not the same five times. He's hitting 43% this year, and it's absolutely critical not to let him get off.

- Michael Thompson handles the pressure defense the way Trevon Hughes did, not the way Eric Gordon did, and gets himself to the basket at will. Is he capable of this? He had 16 with 5 assists and 1 turnover against Wisconsin, a better defensive team than the Gophers.

- Kevin Coble uses his weird shaped body to create matchup problems, too quick for Spencer, too good with his back to the basket for Coleman.

- The Gophers come out flat and start slow, get confused by Northwestern's zone and slow tempo (309th in pace), revert to last year and let this one get away.

Do I think any of that will happen? Maybe one thing, but not all of them. This should be a Gopher win. Not only is Northwestern 0-8, but their closest loss thus far was by 9.

They don't turn it over (18th best), they will turn you over (26th), and they love to shoot the three (44% of FGAs are threes - 21st in NCAA). However, they also will allow you to score - 331st in defensive effective FG%, 298th against the three and 318th against the two, and 326th in preventing offensive rebounds. And despite loving the three, they don't shoot it that well - 122nd.

The last time the Gophers faced a team this bad on the defensive end, they came out attacking and aggressive and beat the crap out of Michigan. Let's hope for a repeat of that performance, and not of the Wisconsin game.

Minnesota 68, Northwestern 58.

Also that picture up top is the Northwestern girls soccer team according to the Internet, and the Internet and I are good friends so I know it would never lie to me.

St. Joe's PK @ Duquesne (L)
UCONN +3 @ Syracuse (W)
Minnesota -6.5 @ Northwestern (W)
Notre Dame PK @ Seton Hall (W)
Kentucky -3.5 @ Auburn (L)
UNLV +2.5 @ Utah (L)
Wisconsin -7.5 @ Iowa (L)
Baylor -8 vs. Texas Tech (L)
Duke +4 @ North Carolina (W)
Bradley -6.5 vs. Missouri State (W)
Texas +3 @ Oklahoma (W)
Air Force +10 @ San Diego State

Yesterday: 4-5
Season: 291-271

Dumpster Arena

I'm back from Chicago, and I have to say, I'm really sick of waiting for another Gopher basketball game. The football team just isn't doing it for me. Although it is an entertaining bit to watch a team do everything it possibly can to lose.

While down there, I managed to pull together a 13-8 record on basketball, bringing the season total to 21-22. Must have been Bogart's influence.

After the blackjack debacle of the previous night, Bogart did the responsible thing, and threw another $100 down on Depaul -12 before we headed to the Depaul v. Northwestern game. I, of course, went the other way, taking Northwestern for a whopping $5.

When Bogart mentioned going to the game, I said "It's not at the United Center, is it?" I hate the United Center for college basketball. His reply was, "It's pretty much like a littler United Center, do you still want to go?" I, of course, unfortunately said yes, and despite protestations from the Maddog, of we in. This would turn out to be a mistake.

First off, the drive to All State Arena is about a half hour from downtown Chicago - which is where the DePaul campus is - and in traffic it took us about an hour. So this already sucks. Then when you get there, the place kind of looks like an overgrown White Castle from the outside. Either that or a manufacturing plant. It has zero charm, and zero appeal.

This inside isn't much better. It really is a little United Center, and has all the atmosphere of watching a game at the Metrodome. Plus, with the half hour to hour drive from campus, there's no real student presence. There were a few kids trying to be loud behind on of the baskets, but it isn't much. We renamed it "Dumpster Arena." Even the concourse area is terrible. It's more like a third-rate airport walkway. Then there's the "jumbo" dogs. These are about half the size of Dome Dogs, yet cost five bucks. I seriously almost wanted to go order a regular hot dog. It must have been invisible. The last thing I'll metion about Dumpster Arena is the scoreboard. They have one of those hang down types in the middle of the arena, just like at Williams. However, this one doesn't have a score on it. I'm not even kidding. It's basically just a giant TV. The only way to figure out the score is to look at the tiny scoreboards on the side, which are actually configured for hockey, since some minor league hockey team plays there, and appears to be a hell of a lot more popular than DePaul hoops. The stupid thing is also big enough to completely block the scoreboard on the opposite back wall, so if you're sitting at half court, you can't see the scoreboard across the way - the one with individual players' stats - because the big TV is in the way. Just brilliant.

On to the game, which DePaul ended up winning 54-53 when Draelon Burns knocked down a driving leaner with 6 seconds left. It should have been a thrilling game, but it really wasn't, because not only did the arena suck in every possible way, but the dance team sucked, the halftime show sucked, and both teams sucked.

The dance team's big go-to move was the jump and spread your legs. If fact, I'm pretty sure that's the only move they did the entire game. Their big finish was when they all did the jump and spread your legs move all in sequence - one after another. It was magical.

The halftime show might have been worst thing ever. They brought out a Globetrotter (allegedly) - in order to pimp the fact that the real Globetrotters are coming to Dumpster Arena in January. The guy, "Hot Shot" Branch, brought out five little kids with him as well, and they were all going to do tricks to entertain and delight us all. But they all sucked. Now, I think he maybe just grabbed kids from the audience, because they had no skills and it looked like no training, so I can't fault them for that, but Hot Shot was pretty bad, and maybe drunk. He managed to execute maybe 50% of his tricks without dropping the ball. I'm not even sure he was an actual Globetrotter, he might very well have just been pulled off the street and told to do something interesting because they realized how bad their dance team was and didn't want to send them out there again.

Anyway, enough about how much Dumpster Arena and everything about it sucked - on to how bad the teams sucked. There were two players who were halfway decent - freshman Michael Thompson from Northwestern, and Will "Wheel" Walker from Depaul. Thompson does look like he's going to be pretty good in the Big Ten, he seems to know not only how to direct on offense, but can score as well. Depaul can't shoot, but they still should have had this game in the bag, as Northwestern is one of the worst teams I've seen in a while. Their entire offense is to swing it around the perimeter, and nobody other than Thompson even bothers to try to penetrate. DePaul also has a big giant fat guy named Wesley Green, who goes 6-9, 300, who should have just camped out in the lane and been fed the ball all game, considering the biggest guy who played more than 11 minutes for the Wildcats was 6-6, 190. But between his unwillingness to shoot, his inability to get up the floor before there were only fifteen seconds left on the shot clock, and his teammates stubborn refusal to get him the ball because they were too busy missing jump shots, he only shot the ball four times.

I wish there was more I could write about the game, but it was seriously really brutal to watch. You know how poorly played that Oakland/Vikings game was yesterday? It was like that, but basketball. And you're trapped in the worst arena ever the whole time. And deep inside you know that the greatness that is the city of Chicago is out there, waiting for you to come drink beer and Red Bull, but you feel like you should stay for the whole game. In conclusion, bet against DePaul and Northwestern all year long.

So, yeah, Bogart lost his bet, so even though he went 6-2 on basketball bets, he had also lost that game for $100 and the two $100 blackjack hands that Maddog played. So he did the responsible thing and threw another hunny down on the Bulls later the night, riding my coattails, and it hit, so he managed to make it up some.

I'm sure there are some things that happened this weekend in the sporting/gopher world that I should be writing about, but when you spend an entire weekend in a drunken blur, you miss these kinds of things. Anyway, here's today's picks:

Wichita St -1 vs. UIC
Baylor -2 vs. Winthrop
Okla St -2.5 vs. LSU
Arizona St +2.5 vs. Illinois
Michigan St -3 vs. Missouri

Season: 21-22