Monday, March 8, 2010

California is weird, dude

God I have so much to say/write about.  Unfortunately, I won't be getting my new computer until Wednesday, so for now this computer in the businnes area of the hotel will have to do, and there is a line behind me so I'll have to keep this short.  This place is weird as crap.  I'm in Burbank/Hollywood for the new job orientation, and the people here are bizarre.  I once called Dayton fans hipster doofuses, which set off a bit of an email firestorm, but I need to apologize to Dayton fans - the true hipster doofuses are out here.  Every single person is wearing one of those stupid hats Kevin from the Office wears when he's playing with his band or does something equally douchey by wearing a tie, but wearing it completely untied and just hanging around his neck like a scarf or something.  And everyone in the hotel bar just sits and talks about their "scripts" or their "productions."  Yeah, I'm sure successfull people just get done with a long day of working and still want to talk about it.  I even heard one guy mention the name "Sandler."  First, you're a dork.  Second, are you really sure you want to proud of attaching Sandler to a project these days?  He hasn't been good since that movie with Damon Wayans.

I really have mentally catalogued about a billion things to write about, including this Nick Blackburn signing and everything, but I have no time.  This sucks.  No computer, stuck in a hotel in an area code where sports are over by 8pm?  Seriously it's just after nine here and sports have been over for an hour.  I've been stuck playing Texas Hold 'Em on my new phone.  And I haven't even seen a celebrity yet.  How can I seduce Natalie Portman back up to my room if I don't even see her?  Actually I think I might have been in the same line at the rent-a-car place as some PGA golfer.  He had nothing but golf clothes on and had some placard around his neck that said "PGA TOUR" and they are in California this week, but I didn't recognize him so at best he's somebody like Marc Leishman.  Joy.  Or he was just some poser, and I'm starting to think this is the Poser capital of the world. 

Oh, and sorry for no Week in Review this week, but what am I gonna do?  Believe me it is killing me to not be able to write.  I can only assume it's much worse for you since you have nothing good to read while trying to kill time at your shitty job.  Here's you short Week in Review:

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  All the teams who won bids.  Except Wofford.  Good lord the SoCon sucks.  That Wofford/App State game tonight was an affront to everyone who likes basketball.  No chance they win or cover in the tournament.

2.  Those teams who did what they needed to.  This would include St. Mary's, Seton Hall, Wake Forest, etc.  The teams who needed who win to get in or stay in consideration.  It's always nice when a team rises to the occassion.  I wouldn't know what that is like.

3.  My fantasy college hoops team.  I won.  Yes, I won the championship.  Special thanks to John Shurna, who had a monster week for me, and also to Ralph Sampson, who my opponent had and who did nothing.  Congratulations to me, the World Champion of the World.

WHO SUCKED

1.  California.  You people are weird.

2.  All the teams who choked.  This would include teams like Dayton, Illinois, and Minnesota.  You had your chances and you've ruined them all at several different times.  It saddens me that someone like Illionis is probably going to get in.  If not them, someone with a simiarly shitty profile.  But it's ok, because I have a real good handle on the tournament this year.  If I don't win my pool, I'll be shocked.

3.  Anyone who didn't watch that Siena/Fairfield game for the MAAC championship.  That was a classic.  Siena down 15, roars back, we get OT - just a great game to watch, completely different than the WCC final (and the WCC will be going 0-2 in the tournament, guaranteed).  Siena is going to be a damn tough team to figure out.  They really beat nobody this year and were behind in every MAAC tourny game, but they won every MAAC tourny game, and if you remember the NCAAs last year the same thing happened and they ended up beating Ohio State.  I thought their zero big wins profile meant they weren't going to be able to do anything, but maybe that's just their MO.  Very weird team.

4.  Women's Basketball.  I don't give a crap what UCONN women's basketball is doing unless we have some full contact nudity.  Don't cut away from the last four minutes of the CAA championship to show me that crap.  Title IV be damned.


Ok, I wrote all this in about 8 minutes so you can stuff your sorrys in a sack if there's a typo or a mistake.  Captain Weirdo is his bowler hat and Trader Joe's sweatshirt is sweating me to get on a computer so he can email his mom about how somebody halfway looked at his script but he'll still be home in time for dinner.  And he's like 40. 

California is weird, dude.  I see why Zack and Slater ruled this town. 

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lulz. Title "IV"

g. constanza said...

I demand reparations!

Anonymous said...

Title 4? Sandler is a God and you would suck him dry if you saw only a quarter of his face you overly tough talking ball washing celebrity hound. The guy sweating profusely and wearing the 2 sizes too small Trader Joe's sweatshirt was you, you were seeing your reflection on the screen.

Anonymous said...

Joe Nathan is broken. Bullpen, now much much worse. Who really is going to fill this role? Apparently Hrbek was right and they should have shipped him out this offseason.

j. reardon said...

The closer position is overrated. There have been a lot of mediocre pitchers who have managed to have pretty successful season trying to get three outs before giving up a run. The bullpen was looking like there would be too many arms coming into the season anyway(think they miss boof now?)so they'll be fine. Rauch, maybe Guerrier, Neshek if he's healthy could do it. Maybe go committiee and use Mijares if there are lefties coming up. There's plenty of decent arms there.

Juan Berenguer said...

Good call on the closer being overrated. I mean the Yankees have had 0 stability in that spot for the last 10+ years and managed a couple championships. Look at most of the previous Champs, though the closer is not the most important part to those teams, there are vital to their success. Papelbon and his gayness for the Sox, Lidge for the phils. Even the Cards and Angels at least had stability there. Not throwing out Mijares and hoping it works.

You can't tell me that Rauch, Guerrier or Patricia Neshek is really gonna lock down that position. Though all good set-up guys, they do not have over powering stuff. This team has a chance to be last years Rays where Gardy is coming out every 9th inning after the reliever has walked the bases loaded again.

j. reardon said...

Wow....that might be the worst logic I have ever read. The Yanks have had a great closer...the Yanks have been a successful team...therefore the closer position is extrememly important. You are a genius. That's got to be the most important reason for the Yankees success.

p.s. You mean those same Rays that went to the World Series? Didn't you just prove MY point?

Juan B. said...

Reardon, did you read the whole thing, the logic is that the Closer is not the most important position, having stability/talent does help teams be successful and the Yanks along with other teams being an example.

And no, I mean the Rays of last year who had no closer and Maddon was forced to pull his 9th inning guys more than any other team as they blew over 20 save oppurtunities. You see last year the Yankees were in the world series represnting the A.L. not the rays. Talk about awesome logic you douche.

Dawg is retarded 90% of the time guy said...

After looking at this argument, chances of Dawg being J.Reardon are about 98% with the inability to read the other post and have no knowledge that the Rays were not in the W.S. last year.

rghrbek said...

Wow, someone said, "apparently I was right!"

Nobody can foresee the future, but trading an aging veteran who was wearing down in August/September, who makes big bucks, but would give back high returns, would have made far too much sense.

I know, I was also advocating dealing him before the regular deadline at the end of July.

Despite the closer being overrated, especially since some managers will only use them in the 9th ....(gardy), the Twins should be able to survive. I just don't think the guys on their current bullpen, can get the job done on a regular basis.

They have some young guys that project pretty good, but not this year.

j. reardon said...

So you agree with me that having an established closer is not that important? Why were you arguing with me then?

What I was trying to say is that as I recall the Rays of 2008 did a closer by committee approach that you reference down the stretch and in the playoffs - and made the world series - showing the approach can work and proving my point.


p.s. thank god I am not dawg

Dawg said...

J.Reardon said:

"You mean those same Rays that went to the World Series?"

I wish my stalkers could read. Where does it say that they went to the WS LAST year?

I sign my name as Dawg 100% of the time. I don't disguise myself with different aliases or post anonymously. So there is no need to stress your pea sized brain out trying to determine if I was the author of a comment. While you sit around wearing out your F5 button to refresh this page, praying that there is new comments from me, maybe think about offering up an opinion about something other then me. However, given your inability to formulate even a simple screen name without prompting, I'm sure you also have nothing to contribute to any of the topics discussed on this blog.

Dawg said...

I take back the inablity to read part as Juan B. was talking about '09 Rays and Reardon said the same team that went to the world series.

You're still a stalker.

Juan B said...

Looking back over the last 15 years the closer by committee has not panned out. Yes the Rays did that in 08' over the last 1/5 of the season after Percival(30+ saves that season) went down but it hasn't really panned out for an entire season to not have a talented/reliable closer. I just don't see it working with these arms this year, I see this as using up guys and then having them not be available later

Dave said...

If Eddie fuckin' Guardado can be an effective closer (save rate = to Nathan), one of Guerrier/Rauch/Neshek (if healthy) should suffice.

The only mistake was not trading this $10 million broken down piece of trash when we had the chance. Nice work, Bill Smith.

Black Snake said...

What about taking Lariano out of the starting 5 and trying him as a closer? I know that means thinking outside the box and the twins hate to do that. That might turn his career around.

The Twins are winning inspite of Billy Smith. What a complete tit.

Dawger, I am looking through your front window right now! I hope you are enjoying that TV dinner and 90210 re-run.

WWWWWW said...

By the way Jeff Reardon is a huge dick. Sorry for being a kid and asking you for you autograph your majesty, next time I'll try not to interrupt you while you plan your next bank heist.

WWWWWW said...

Jesus there is another guy here with a derby on talking about his script.

Anonymous said...

Why is everyone out there talking about Lariano as the closer, may be the dumbest idea ever, the guy has the mental toughness as a single 30 yr old fat chick. I would rather see them sign an aging John Smoltz and try the closer bit again then send out a yet to be proven-post sugery Lariano. Or here is something wild, how about trading to make your team better, maybe a trade might work, no it wouldnt you're right. sorry Billy

snacks said...

Coming into the year the Twins bullpen was perceived as one of its greatest strengths. In fact, one of the major issues in spring training has been figuring out who is going to make the staff because they had more quality arms than roster spots. Granted, they are probably losing the best arm of the bunch, but the bullpen will still be solid. (Except for that dickhead Jesse Crain - he sucks).

As for Liriano, moving him to closer would be a terrible idea for a different reason. If he's got his shit together enough to be a closer (big if), then he's got his shit together enough to be a starter. As a starter, he's got the stuff to be a staff ace, which is way way way way more valuable than a closer. You would be wasting an effective Liriano in the closer role.

S. Curry said...

Anonymous vagina has spoken! Liriano is washed up. I hope The Twins have 43 year old Smoltz on the phone before the rest of MLB realizes his 83 MPH fastball is still sitting out there.

Smoltz as an option might be the dumbest idea ever! Just saying.

Coach K said...

Dawg is infact wrong 99% of the time.

Keep it up anonymous you're getting under his skin.

corey said...

W, were you snorting coke with Corey Haim last night? He lives (lived) in Burbank.

Siouxper Sioux Fan said...

I don't know which is more gay. This blog or Corey Haim jokes?

Answer. Both equally as gay.

Anonymous said...

SSF,

You mocking another human, let alone another blog would be like Ralph Engelstad complaining Hitler wasn't a big enough Nazi

SSF said...

umm...? Correct?!

Also you may be on to something with the whole Hitler thing.....who needs Ralphy around to say it when we got some dumb fuck who won't even sign a screen name.
You faceless bastard.



erroneous.......

R.Egelstad said...

Speaking of racists, how about Torii Hunter saying dominicans, though dark, are not Black, they are imposters. I don't know what that even means, isn't black a color or does that only apply to US citizens.

SSF, what is the ruling in Grand Forks, can you be black and from another country?

SSF said...

In North Dakota if you are 2 shades past white you are black unless your a mexican. Which is totally different but just as bad.

S. Curry said...

Black being a color only applies to really stupid Americans since it isn't actually a color.

P.S. Coach K, stick to track talk loser!

Anonymous said...

SSF's comment at 3:57 PM is the funniest thing ever written on this blog.

SSF said...

Racism = Funny

Dawg said...

WWWW - are too busy shopping for new derby hats to post anything or or you so cruel that you actually shut down the blog but didn't care to officially inform us?

Big 10 tourney preview? Joe Nathan? Liriano as closer vs starter? More hot college girls from Iowa?

Anonymous said...

Dawg-I hope the Gophers lose tonight and you cry yourself to sleep.

Siouxper Sioux Fan-How embarrased are you to be his girlfriend.

Helton said...

WWWW may have thought he saw N.Portman go into a house/coffee shop and is just staking out that joint hoping, wishing, wanting while completely negleceting DWG and letting SSF is taking it over.

SSF said...

Somewhat....

T.Helton, not as gay as he was yesterday said...

So T. Helton has decided to re-work his contract after next season, greatly reducing the amount of money he is eating up. I now hate him less and don't know who to boo at home rocktober games. I am assuming I.Stewart will fill that role with his solid strikeout swing.

snacks said...

Now that this blog is dead, I wonder how long we will keep it going through the comments section? Pretty nice job so far.

I'll do the gopher update: with all the bubble teams that have been losing, I think that if the Gophers beat Penn State and then Michigan State, they have a good shot at being in the tourney. Which is exactly what we don't need right now, hope, as we all know how that always turns out for us Gopher (and MN sports in general) fans.

Dawg said...

Snacks - You and WWW should meet me and Blake Snake out Friday night if they beat PSU tonight. From looking at the Big 10 schedule the gophs would play at apprx 8pm Friday night.

PS I think your scenario is solid IF Illinois loses to Wisconsin on Friday. If they win we would probably have to get to the championship because they would have to take 6 big 10 teams.

snacks said...

FYI they don't give two shits about what conference a team is in, it's all about the overall profile. With Memphis and UAB going down today and Seton Hall last night, the bubble is wiiiide open. Plenty of room for both Illinois and the Gophers...IF they can win the games they have to

Dawg said...

The point of my comment was that we are directly chasing Illinois for a NCAA bid and they are in our conference. If they lose and we win, we would likely jump into their spot. Both teams have miserable RPI's but since they play in a power conference thus playing more games against teams with a top 50 RPI they will get the go ahead over a team like Wichita State and Dayton whose RPI is in the 40's but play in mid-major conferences. If all things are considered equal the big conference will get the bid over the mid-major conference.

WWWWWW said...

Ha Ha, Dayton sucks!