Tuesday Talkings

I wasn't planning on posting anything tonight because, let's face it, just the idea of writing two days in a row makes me tired, but there's nothing else to do.

-  I'm watching the Twins for some reason (it's currently 3-2 Twinkies in the 2nd) and holy crap is Chris Davis the worst hitter ever.  Last night, when the Rangers scored something like 30 runs and had 64 hits, he went 0-6 and made two errors.  Now I've just watched him just wildly flail at two Pavano pitches.  He strikes me as the kind of guy who can crush a fastball if you try to blow it passed him, but any finesse whatsoever and he's hacking at it like Delmon Young wearing a blindfold.  Should end up being a hell of a softball player in a few years.

-  You want to know what sucks worse than Jose Mijares?  When you make a bet against Ryan Howard doing well because he's going up against Tim Lincecum and then Lincecum is scratched with the flu and Barry freaking Zito gets the start instead and gives up a home run to Howard in the first inning.

-  As you could have predicted there are a ton of rumors/stories/whatever regarding NFL player movement since they're actually going to play now, and there are plenty regarding your precious Vikings - McNabb, Sid Rice, Tavaris Jackson, Ray Edwards, and Kyle Orton are all linked to Vikings in one way or another.  I was going to run down each of these things individually but then I yawned and now I'm bored.  So I'll just say that T-Jax going to Seattle makes me giggle.  And lest you think they are just handing him a starting gig they've also signed sexy Matt Leinart.  And they still have Charlie Whitehurst who I'm pretty sure is a werewolf.  So yeah, I'd say they're in pretty good shape. 

 -  Other than that I guess losing Sidney Rice would be a big deal, but only because they don't have any other options, not because he's all that good.  He had one good year because Brett Favre realized that you can just throw the ball up high to him and no matter how not open he actually was he'd just go catch it.  Give him a real QB and he can't do jack.  Do you really think Ponder is going to come in and start flinging the ball around like he's playing drunk foosball?  No.  He needs precise route runners with good hands who can get open.  Rice can't do that.  If he comes back to the Vikes he's going to be bust city.  With Seattle he'd have a fighting chance, if only because none of sexy, crappy, or the werewolf are real QBs so they might buy into the whole "lob it up" strategy.

That being said, the Vikes still need him because what's the other option here, Bernard Berrian?  Buzz.  Your girlfriend.  Woof. 

-  Those two broads behind home plate are ridiculously hot.  God bless Texas.

-  I can't prove it, but I strongly suspect Carl Pavano is actually pitching underhanded.  It's the only explanation.

-  I finished the new Song of Ice and Fire book (same series that gave us the Game of Thrones TV show) and I'm stunned.  I cannot believe Voldemort was Frodo's father.  That is just stunning.

-  Chris Davis is the next Brooks Robinson.  Just so smooth, and such a termendous gloveman.

-  J.J. Hardy hit two home runs tonight.  That gives him 16 homers on the year.  You know who else has 16 homers this year?  The entire Twins roster combined.  Fact.  Hardy has become a top five shortstop in all the majors, meanwhile the Twins are hoping either a foreigner who dances around at the plate like Natalie Portman in that lesbian movie or a 28-year old who everyone is still waiting to reach his potential to take over the SS role.  Great.  At least the guys they got when they traded Hardy have done really well. 

-  FUN FACT:  Justin Verlander is completely unhittable against everyone in the league other than the Chicago White Stockings.  Tonight's line: 8ip, 7 hits, 1 walk, 7 Ks, 4 ERs.  Not bad, right?  As a Twins fan we'd take it every night, but not a great outing for Verlander.  The interesting part?  That's just the third time he's given up more than 3 earned runs in a start this year - two of them against the White Sox.  That's just the 8th time he's allowed as many as 7 hits in a game - three of those were against the White Sox.  That's just the 7th time he's had 7 or fewer strikeouts - 3 against the White Sox.  He's allowed 14 home runs this year - six of them against the Sox.  And it doesn't really matter because Detroit won and Verlander got the win, but it's kind of interesting.  Nobody else can hit him.  

-  Matt Capps just threw a fastball that was 93mphand pretty clearly had significant tail on it.  I'm pretty stunned too.  This is just like the ending of The Village - never saw it coming.

-  FUN FACT:  If Tim Lincecum is supposed to pitch and gets scratched they wipe out all player prop bets for that game.  The good news is that I didn't lose my Ryan Howard bet now.  The bad news is that I also had a bet on Aubrey Huff to not get an RBI and Vance Worley to throw more than 99.5 pitches, both won, neither was remotely affected by Lincecum not pitching, and neither is a win now.  Not fair.

-  Thome just came a few feet away from an opposite field jack to take the lead in the ninth.  Which is extra funny because I was just typing how I was watching this game and barely typed anything about it because the Twins have broken my brain.  Also funny - teh ball Thome hit should have been caught by Hamilton.  Looked like he misjudged it a little, got a little off-balance, and lunged a little too far in the wrong direction.  Just like that guy he killed by tossing him a ball.

Too soon?

-  Nishioka is a retarded version of Ichiro, and he just tied the game with a retarded version of a hit by hitting a bouncer up the middle and getting an infield hit out of it.  I really kind of hate him.  Only partially because of racist reasons.

-  Mauer pinch hitting.  Runners on the corners, tie game, one out.  Texas playing back at all infield positions.  You know why?  Because Joe Mauer is god damn ground ball machine and they know they can turn two.  Announcer guys are stunned by them playing back, but that's because they're idiots.  If you took a pitching machine and pointed it at the ground and fed it balls and had a contest with Mauer to see who could hit the most consecutive balls on the ground I'm pretty sure the machine would win.

-  Well fuck me.  You know that Simpsons episode where Skinner says something like, "You know none of these kids are going to college" and then when he realizes the kids are listening he says "Prove me wrong kids, prove me wrong"?  Well that's what I was doing there - daring Mauer to prove me wrong.  I'm a great motivator.

-  I also was going to try to look that quote up and to do it I just typed "google.com" into the google search engine box.  Maybe it turns out I'm the dumb one?

-  By the way, when Nathan blows this one I'm going to bed and not sticking around for extras.  I've got the new James Rollins book to read.

-  Ripped single, fielder's choice, hit batter, strikeout, strikeout and the Twins win and I gotta say, that was vintage Nathan:  some very good unhittable stuff with some terrible pitches mixed in.  He's back, baby.  Now somebody trade something good for him.

6 Very Important Things from Last Night - 04.19.2011

1.  The Twins got rolled 11-0 by the hapless Orioles.  I only watched half of this one because it was apparent very early that the Twins had no shot, but from what I saw Pavano was all over the place.  That's bad for anybody unless you're a guy like Carlos Marmol who throws 99mph and has no idea where it's going but nobody can hit it anyway, but for Pavano to miss his spots means it's going to be a rough night.  Not only by falling behind in counts and walking guys (3 walks and just 60% strikes) but because when he misses by a little bit his 89mph fastball goes from a well placed tough to hit pitch to an easy to drive pitch, and Pavano was run after four and two-thirds after allowing 8 hits and 7 runs.  Naturally, the Twins were unable to score, a consistent problem not helped by the absence of Mauer, Morneau, and Delmoney from the lineup.

Maybe the most discouraging part of last night's festivities, however, was Joe Nathan getting rocked again, giving up a couple of hits and a 3-run home run to Vlad Guerrero in his inning of work, which means he's now given up 7 runs in his last three times out, with at least two runs coming in each game.  It's pretty clear he's not all the way back from injury, and his fastball is clocked consistently 2-3 miles per hour slower than it was in his prime, making him essentially Nick Blackburn but who doesn't know how to pitch like he has a noodle arm.  I don't know what you do with him - could he do a minor league assignment? - but he's not good right now, and he just needs more time.  I guess we'll have to rely on Cappsy.  Get ready for some brutal emotional swings, fans.

2.  Carmelo Anthony could almost do it himself but Jared Jeffries and Bill Walker fucked it all up.  Chauncey Billups is out with an injury and Amare Stoudamire was only able to play a half before getting knocked out due to back spasms, and the Knicks opponent was the Celtics one of the best defensive teams in the league.  The stage was set for Melo to channel Bernard King and elevate the Knicks to victory and he damn near pulled it off, scoring 42 points and grabbing 17 rebounds (and dishing 6 assists).  Unfortunately Bill Walker couldn't hit a shot all game, going 0-11 from the floor, and eventually Boston realized Carmelo had no help and they started double-teaming him before he even had the ball.  Remarkable.  This defensive strategy resulted in Jared Jeffries having to make a play on the two biggest possessions of the game for the Knicks, and you can imagine how that went.  If you're imagining it was like watching Gardy try to figure out a Rubik's Cube, you're not far off. 


3.  Sticking with the NBA, I thought ESPN said Atlanta had the guys to stop Dwight Howard?  In fact, I know they did because in my preview on here I said Atlanta couldn't deal with Howard and Snacks emailed me to say that ESPN said that the Hawks' Jason Collins and Zaza Pachulia would be able to handle him.  Wrong, idiots.  33 points and 19 rebounds last night in the Magic's Game 2 win following up his 46-19 in game 1 - a Magic loss.  It's actually interesting because it's become clear that Atlanta is simply going to single cover Howard - and let him destroy them - and concentrate all their defensive efforts on shutting down Orlando's jumpshooters, which is basically the entire rest of the team. 

That strategy worked brilliantly in Game 1, the Hawks big win, with Jameer Nelson the only non-Howard player to have a good shooting game with Gilbert Arenas, Hedo Turkoglu, JJ Redick, Ryan Anderson, and Jason Richardson shooting a combined 2-14 from three.  In Game 2 it almost worked again with Orlando shooting 5-23 from three as a team but this time the Magic played good enough defense to get the win.  What seemed to be a boring series in the beginning has suddenly become interesting based on the Hawks' strategy.  Or at least as interesting as any series involving the boring as hell Hawks could ever be.

4.  Josh Johnson is unhittable.  Maybe it's because he's in the NL, or maybe it's because he's on a small market team, or maybe it's simply because nobody cares about the Marlins, but Josh Johnson is one of the best pitchers in baseball and I'm not sure how many people know it.  Last night he tossed seven scoreless innings against Pittsburgh, allowing just two hits and striking out nine, and the only notable thing about it was how un-notable it really was - this is the norm for this nerd.  His season stats are now at 3-0 with a 1.00 ERA, a WHIP of 0.59, and a strikeout per inning.  Looking at his career arc it reads like a big-time pitcher - good rookie year (5th in ROY), two injury plagued seasons, then a comeback year where he was an all-star, followed last year by his 2.30 ERA and fifth place finish in the Cy Young balloting.  The guy may look like a slightly less nerdy Davis Love III, but he's an absolute super star.  I wonder if he'll end up on the Yankees or the Red Sox.

5.  Penn State is going to be even worse than you thought.  Not that there was a whole lot of optimistic feelings towards Penn State's 2011-2012 basketball season with Talor Battle, Jeff Brooks, Andrew Jones, and David Jackson all graduating (that's four of their top five scorers and top four rebounders), but one of the few rays of hope has now been crushed with the news that Taran Buie is transferring/has been kicked out.  It's not a surprise given that Buie was suspended from the team twice for various violations, but it's still a kick in the junk since he was one of the highest rated recruits in many, many years at Penn State.  Not to mention this leaves them with Tim Frazier and a bunch of guys who never played, and it's not like either Jones or Jackson should have been hard to beat out for playing time since they are severely flawed players, so those guys coming back are probably even worse than Colton Iverson (for reals).  Should be fun to watch a team whose only good player's #1 skill is distributing the basketball play with a bunch of teammates who couldn't score on a date with your sister.

6.  The Vikings schedule (if there's a season) was announced last night.  But let's be honest, if you get excited about this you are a retard, and you're probably a big fan of mayo sandwiches, think Nickelback and Hinder "fuckin' rock", consider Borat to be quality cinema, and name Olive Garden as your favorite "fancy" restaurant.

Talkin' Twins

With baseball camps starting to open up and baseball preview magazines hitting the store shelves I can't help but to have my thoughts turn to baseball (and the fact that the Gophers are driving me crazy isn't helping).  Here are my quick thoughts (ok, probably not quick) on the team this season, position-by-position:

CATCHER:  Joe Mauer is going to be who Joe Mauer be, which means he'll probably hit around .330 and OBP over .400 - both outstanding numbers for a catcher.  The real question is if he has power more like in 2009, or is the 2010 version the real one.  Personally, I think 2009 was a bit of a fluke, but I think he has more power than we saw in 2010, although it's harder to see thanks to the power reducing abilities in Target Field.  I would put his HR total OVER/UNDER at 10.5, but as long as he keeps banging out those doubles his other numbers make him one of the most valuable players in the game.  And are we really going with Drew Butera at back-up catcher again?  Seeing as how he's the only other catcher on the 40-man roster and both of the other intriguing options (Morales, Ramos) were shipped off I guess so.  I mean, I like the guy, he's excellent defensively and his name is really fun to say, but you could DH for him and let the pitcher bat instead and at worst that's a lateral move.

CORNER INFIELD:  Was it really just two seasons ago Justin Morneau played in 163 games and finished second in the MVP balloting? It seems amazing given how fragile he's been and missing half a season after getting bumped in the head is a huge red flag.  It's hard to believe it's even possible he won't be ready to opening day, but then again I said the same thing about last August, September, and October.  Plus, we already know from Corey Koskie that the only reason somebody born in Canada plays baseball instead of hockey is because they can't take a hit, so temper your expectations, I've got a bad feeling about this.

As far as third base goes I liked what I saw out of Danny Valencia last year, but I didn't quite see enough to be ready to hand the job over to him for the next five years.  I'm also not sure what other options they have because Matt Tolbert should never, ever start a game and the only other 3B on the 40-man roster is Luke Hughes, but it's starting to look less and less likely that he's the guy.  I do like Valencia, and his second half numbers were still good and probably more what we're likely to see this year.  If the power he showed in September carries over, the Twins will likely have a very good defensive third baseman who hits .280/.320/.460.  Solid, but not spectacular.  Like Reese Witherspoon or Chipotle.

MIDDLE INFIELD:   I can't wait to hear Dick and Bert butcher Tsuyoshi Nishioka's name over and over again.  I guarantee that they come up with a nickname within a week of the season opener, probably something as simple as Yoshi, which is fine as long as it's not the next Kaz Matsui, which is what he's known as around my house.  Maybe I've just been beaten down by scrappy, light-hitting middle infielders with little to no plate discipline for so long that I have the same confidence in him that Jerry's mechanic has in that gasket.

And speaking of light hitting middle infielders, Alexi Casilla will get another chance to start, because as Lindsay Lohan and Dean Koontz have proven if you just keep giving second and third chances things will eventually work out.  Seriously, how is Dean Koontz on the best-sellers list all the time?  I read about 10 of his books just thinking I must have grabbed his bad ones and kept waiting to read a good one and I never found one.  Servants of Twilight was decent, but everything else is just total crap you'd have to have a brain injury or the intelligence of a lamp to enjoy.  Family Guy is mostly stupid and written for cretins, but I laughed my ass off during and episode right after Stephen King got hit by a car when Peter hit somebody with his car and goes "was that Stephen King?" and Lois says "No, it was Dean Koontz" and Peter puts the car in reverse and runs him over again.  Suck it, Koontzy.   

OUTFIELD:  Here we go again.  A bunch of mediocre to kind of good bats packaged along with terrible terrible terrible defense.  Honestly, with Young, Span, and Kubel out there if there was a contest between those three and Carlos Gomez all by himself who do you think would catch more fly balls?

Defense aside, Span is the biggest concern and he really needs to be more like his 2009 self than last year's version.  His walk rate dipped last year from 12.2% and 10.5% in 2008 and 2009 down to 8.5% last year and after walking 17 times in April he walked just 16 times in May & June combined and 17 times in September & October combined.  Basically he stopped walking and starting flying out too much.  He is absolutely a key to this team and needs to be their table-setter.

He also needs to find a way to get better defensively, because he needs to cover for the three corner guys:  Jason Kubel, Delmon Young, and Michael Cuddyer.  Young finally put up an offensive year his potential said was there, and although it feels like the kind of thing you can't quite trust, in fact he put up the best year of his career in the same year where his BABIP was at his career low.  Yes, low.  Meaning with a little more luck he could have had even better numbers.  I actually anticipate his power going down a bit, because I think that surge we saw was a little more fluky than anything else, but I can easily see him hitting .320 or so over the course of the year with 40 or so doubles and 15 homers.  That's a very, very good year.  If he ever figures out some plate discipline he would have a chance at being truly dangerous.

Kubel I don't know about anymore.  He's one of the best on the team when it comes to plate discipline, but regressed quite a bit from his career year in 2009.  A lot of that can be attributed to a BABIP of just .280, 20 points lower than his career mark, and he should be able to bounce back to something closer to that 2009 version than last year's, but the real problem is that Kubes continues to be absolutely dreadful against lefties and at this point I don't think you can wait for him to snap out of it.  If he's in the lineup even once against a left-handed pitcher it's one time too many.

Finally, Cuddy will be returning to the outfield, assuming Canada-boy gets himself back into play, and that's not exactly a good thing.  I know he's a great teammate and his ability and willingness to play any position where he's needed is an excellent quality to have, and he's got a great arm.  He is also nearly as slow as Young or Kubel and still refuses to lay off the outside slider in the dirt with two strikes despite the fact that every single pitcher throws it at him every single time he has two strikes on him.  Honest to god, how do people watch Mark Reynolds day-in and day-out?  Cuddyer doesn't strike out nearly as often as Reynolds, but he just makes me so angry.  I'm not even especially anti-strikeout, even if they are fascist, but he just looks so weak and over-matched when he does it.  At least Adam Dunn has the decency to swing hard when he misses a ball by 2 feet.

DH/BENCH:  Jim Thome should basically have the DH locked down.  I'd say the Twins would be better off sitting him against lefties, but what's your other option?  I already mentioned Butera and Tolbert, neither of whom could get a hit even if they were married to Whitney Houston.  And, assuming they carry 11 pitchers, they only other player on the bench will be Jason Repko.  I secretly love Repko and have even used his name as a password on an account for something or other, but sometimes reality sets in and I remember he OPSed just .671 last year, a number basically identical to Tolbert, even if Repko seems like 10x the hitter Tolby is.  So basically this is a pretty damn shallow bench. 

STARTERS:  Pretty underwhelming here, yeah?  I hate that they're just rolling with the same group, although I can't really come up with any kind of master plan to make it any better, but lame, right?  Baker is a #3/#4 on most teams, Slowey is a #4, Pavano - although I'm glad to have him back - is a #3, and Blackburn should be in AAA.  We still don't know how good Duensing can be, but I think his absolute upside is a #3, which leaves Liriano for the excitement factor, and the Twins seem to be doing everything they can to try to make sure he isn't in their long term plans, which is ludicrous considering his 3.62 ERA last year was basically a worst case scenario based looking at his other stats - Aaron Gleeman breaks it all down better than I ever could here.  Is it a good enough rotation to win the Central even though it's not as good as Chicago's group?  Yes.  Good enough to win the World Series?  Well, I'll just wait for Kyle Gibson while I ponder that one.  But no.

CLOSER:  I'd imagine that Matt Capps will start the year as the closer with Joe Nathan getting eased in, but if Nathan looks close to form he'll slide back into his old job.  That's as it should be since Nathan can be unhittable at times and has stuff Cappsy can only dream about.  And a full season of Nathan, regular season only I mean, makes me feel pretty good.  A full season of Capps makes me feel sweaty and nervous, like a fat girl before her first aerobics class.  Don't you fear he's got a little bit of Bobby Jenks in him?  Like, he's just a half mph or half inch or a little bit worse luck away from a 6.00 ERA?  To put it another way, if Nathan is even 90% back from injury his downside is basically Cappsy's upside.

BULLPEN:  As much as I don't love Capps as a closer, I think he's a good option as a set-up guy and that's good because if the starters are underwhelming the bullpen is just a picture of guy with a thought balloon and in that balloon is a question mark.  Basically other than Capps and Jose Mijares we have one gigantic guessing game, with the biggest question being, "Why the holy hell did they essentially get rid of Rob Delaney in order to grab Dusty Mother Effing Hughes, somebody so bad at pitching a baseball that the KC Royals didn't even want him?"  And who is Scott Diamond and why, by taking him in the Rule 5 draft, is he good enough to warrant a guaranteed spot on the major league active roster?  Jim Hoey is getting a lot of play as a guy who could be a big-time setup guy, but he hasn't pitched in the majors since 2007 and owns a career ERA over 8.  What about Neshek in year 2 since his elbow fell off?  Is Glen Perkins head on straight and is his stuff good enough to become a reliable bullpen option?  Can Anthony Slama's mustache get anybody out, or is he your classic AAAA type player?  Is Alex Burnett a mop-up/long relief type who won't embarrass you or something more?  Are Jeff Manship and Anthony Swarzak future starters, relievers, or ushers?  Why did Eric Hacker get a major league contract?

I mean, look at this.  That's what, 9 possible guys for 3-4 spots and doesn't even take into account that they have 6 non-Gibson starters for five spots.  I guess the one big positive is that they do have a lot of options, so maybe that increases the odds that enough of them work out to make this a viable, quality bullpen.  Sort of like increasing your chances of winning the Powerball by buying two tickets instead of one.

OVERALL OUTLOOK:  I don't know, man, it seems like everywhere I look the Twins are getting picked to win the central again, but I don't know.  It feels to me like the White Sox and Tigers did more this offseason and it wouldn't take much to push either of those teams out ahead of the Twins.  I haven't really broken down the rosters to really get a clear view, but right now it feels like the downside is a rough year and third place division finish, while the upside is a narrow division win and a quick exit from the playoffs.  It's hard to get excited about that.  Again.

But you know what?  I'll be watching.  Damn near every game.  And I'll be living and dying on damn near every pitch.  And when I'm fishing up at the cabin the radio will be tuned to the game every damn night.  Because it's the Twins, it's baseball, and I couldn't shake it if I tried.

Twins Season Wrap: 10 Roster Questions for Next Year

With the season officially in the crapper and my heart broken clean in two, I thought I'd look at some of the pressing offseason roster questions that Bill Smith and the Twins' front office are going to have to deal with, and then never speak of the Twisn again.  There are a lot of things that are going to change, which makes this year's defeat all the more soul crushing - the team was setup to win this year, and they failed.  Failed hard.  

1.  Will Morneau be back?  Hard to believe a simple knee to the head could end someone's career, but the fact that he missed the last three months of the season and still can't string together more than a few days without a relapse/dizzy spell who the hell knows what could happen.  I won't bother to just wildly speculate since I don't have any knowledge of it or any kind of medical background except what I learned on Scrubs, but as unfathomable as it seems that he might not be around next year, did you think there was even a slight chance he'd miss the rest of the season?

2.  How high will the payroll go?  Right now the Twins have seven players under contract for next year, but those seven (Mauer, Morneau, Nathan, Cuddyer, Baker, Span, and Blackburn) total $68 million in payroll.  Most other current Twins are arbitration eligible and most will get raises, so the Twins will have to make some hard decisions about who to keep and who to let go.  And wherever they let players go, I'd guess they try to plug those holes from within.  Will that mean Alexi Casilla as a full-time starter and Anthony Swarzak in the rotation?  I hope not, but it wouldn't surprise me.

3.  Jason Kubel's option?  Kubel had an off year this season, at least compared to the prior year, and has a team option remaining that the Twins can pick up which would pay him $5.25 million (or they can buy him out for $350k).  I hate having two defensive butchers at the corner outfield positions with him and Delmon, and Kubel is certainly more suited to a DH role, so his true value depends on whether Thome comes back.  Which, brings us to....

4.  Will Thome return on the cheap?  Jim Thome was only signed this year because he was willing to take a very cheap $1.5 million to come play part time.  With Morneau's injury and subsequent position shifting of everyone, his value skyrocketed and he more than proved himself worth every penny.  If Morneau comes back, Thome goes back to his part-time role.  Would he be willing to do it again, or at this point does he want to be full-time player again?

5. What's going to happen with Delmon Young?  Delmon is arbitration eligible and made $2.6 million last year, but coming off the year he had, including surpassing magic numbers of 20 HRs and 100 RBI, he's going to get a healthy raise if they go to arbitration.  If his agent is worth his shit, however, they'll be pushing for a long-term contract, and the question is if the Twins will go for it.  Nick Markakis of the Orioles had a similar year in 2008 and ended up signing a 6-year, $66 million deal.  Are you ready to pay Delmon $11 per year?  

6.  How is the bullpen going to shake out?  Joe Nathan is the only bullpen guy with a guaranteed contract for next season, so this is where a lot of choices are going to have to be made.  Fuentes is a free agent and will be gone, but everybody else is a question mark.  Matt Guerrier, Jessie Crain, and Jon Rauch are all free agents and Matt Capps is arbitration eligible and will get a significant raise from the $3.5 million he made this year if he's offered.  With the payroll already where it is, they probably won't be bringing everybody back, and I'd be pretty shocked if Rauch is a Twin next season.

7.  How will the middle infield look next year?  Orlando Hudson is a free agent, and I'd be pretty shocked if they brought him back, while J.J. Hardy, Alexi Casilla, and Matt Tolbert are all arbitration eligible.  Hardy made $5.1 million this year, and even if he doesn't get a raise that is still a pretty high number for medium production, but the alternatives make me want to kill myself.  Unless they decide to try to pay for Juan Uribe, a free agent from the Giants next year, Hardy is pretty much the only viable option.  And if they start next year with Punto as their starting SS, we might as well just give the season up for dead.  Speaking of......

8.  They can't possibly pick up Nick Punto's option, right?  The choices are to either agree to pay him $5 million next year (Five.  Freaking.  Million) or buy him out for $500k.  Putting aside how terrible that contract was, I know they are in love with him over at Target Field but even they have to realize that $5MM is a ridiculous number for a good fielding utility man, right?  Their best bet would be to buy him out, then offer him a contract for a year in the $500k - $1 million range to be their back up, although they should probably just pay him the minimum since he's essentially stolen over $13 million from the Twins the last few years. 

9.  Will the 'stache be back?  This might be the toughest decision to make, since Carl Pavano was brilliant all year and carried the team at times.  Of course, pitchers who are brilliant and carry their team generally make a lot of money.  He made $7 million this year, and, unless the Twins move quickly, will hit the open market, and who knows who is going to offer him what and for how long.  One advantage is that there is no way the Yankees will be after him since he burned them once before, but there are plenty of other teams who have money and need pitching.  Whatever the cost, I would be nervous giving Pavano anything more than a 2-year deal, but if you want to keep him you might have to, and don't be shocked if he makes $10+ million per year with a new deal.

10.  Pavano or no, what about the rest of the rotation?  Baker is pretty much stuck since he's got a contract ($5 million next year) as is Blackburn ($3 million), Brian Duensing is still under team control, so he'll be here, and Francisco Liriano will be back as well, whether it's through arbitration or if they decide to sign him longer term.  Slowey is also still under arbitration, so I'd expect him to be back as well.  None of the in-house options are very attractive at this point, unless Kyle Gibson has just an amazing spring, so I'd expect the rotation to look pretty similar to start the year, with those five above the guys they go with if they don't end up signing Pavano.  There will probably be a few other scraps on the open market, because they'll have no shot at Cliff Lee, but I wouldn't expect the Twins to go after anybody unless they think they can get a steal on a veteran they think is undervalued (like Pavano was).  I wouldn't be shocked to see Javier Vazquez as a Twin next year, although if I was to bet on it I'd guess next year's rotation would be Liriano, Duensing, Baker, Slowey, and Blackbun.  Doesn't that just get you fired up? 


Well, there you have it.  It will be interesting to see what they end up doing in a variety of areas, and to see the results.  Worst case, the team takes a nosedive and sucks.  Best case, another division title and they get swept out of the first round of the playoffs.  Either way, it guarantees a season ending in frustration.  Thank god college hoops isn't too far away, because Gopher basketball is never frustrating.

Catchers and pitchers report in 19 weeks.

Calm Down, I'm Here

If you follow this blog, you know I haven't really posted this week save one quick update from California, and if you follow the comments on this blog, you know the natives are getting pretty restless, so here I am.  Seriously you guys, I really didn't have the opportunity to write anything.  I had no computer the entire time I was out in California, and I didn't get back until last night after 10pm so there wasn't really any chance to get to the writing.    But now I'm back, and I'm ready to write some stuff. 

-  First off, yes, losing Joe Nathan for the year really sucks, but we'll live.  And not because he sucks now or something.  Everybody needs to calm down about his blown save in the playoffs, and stop talking about how the Twins should have traded him - something I heard noted huge idiot Pat Reusse say on the radio when I was accidentally listening to that channel.  He's a fantastic, fantastic closer, and you know exactly what you're getting - 40 or so saves with a 90% conversion rate, an ERA under 2.00, a WHIP under 1.00, and shit ton of strikeouts.  He won't easily be replaced, and, actually, is pretty much irreplaceable.

But the good news that even if whatever direction the Twins' decide to go in - naming a replacement or closer by committee - ends up being a disaster, it's only going to cost them about three games.  Aaron Gleeman breaks down the math, but the difference between a 90% save rate (Nathan) and an 80% save rate (a horrible closer) is only 5 blown saves over the course of a season, and if the Twins' bullpen ends up being average, it's only 2 extra blown saves.

If I had to make a guess, I'd say the Twins' will spread the save opportunities out between Guerrier, Mijares, and Rauch and they'll do just fine, like an average bullpen.  I think that when they flame out, they'll flame out spectacularly and we might end up watching some ugly, ugly ninth innings, but overall this isn't the kind of thing that is going to hurt enough to make the differences between playoffs or second place.

There are plenty of other problems with this team that should take care of that.

-  Secondly, you're probably wondering how Carlos Gomez is doing.  Well I'll tell you.  He's hitting .278/.316/.389 with two doubles, a walk, two Ks, and three steals in 18 at bats.  That means he's getting more hits and showing the same amount of gap power while striking out about half as often and he's gotten better at stealing bases.  He's also still not walking at all.  It's Spring Training and all so that basically means those numbers are meaningless, but I just thought you'd like to know how Captain 5-Tool was doing so far.

-  I don't know if I've mentioned this in this space, but you should all know I HATE St. Patrick's Day.  I can't stand it.  I hate it almost as much as I hate Wisconsin, although this hate has nothing to do with geography - I have no beef with the Irish.  I just hate you people who go out and use that day as an excuse to act like total morons.  If New Year's Eve is known as amateur night, St. Patrick's should be called I've never ever drank before but I'm going to chain-swallow a bunch of Irish-sounding shots to try to look cool night.

-  Oh, you're probably here to read about the Gopher game.  I laugh at you.  Who cares?  It means nothing.  Well, not nothing.  It does give the team the chance to play a game that might give them a chance to be on the bubble if they win.  If that sounded convoluted, well, that's your team's chances to make the NCAA Tournament.  A win tomorrow over Sparty at least puts them in the conversation depending on what other teams do.  With UAB and Memphis both losing in the C-USA quarters, Arizona State losing early in the Pac, and Wake on a tremendous slide there are spots coming available.   Somebody is going to step up and take those spots, why not the Gophers?

I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE

Gophers 70, Michigan State 65. 

I am back and I smell like Hippies.

Hey folks, hope you didn't miss me too much while I was enjoying a much-needed vacation in Portland, but I'm back and better than ever.  Or not, who the hell knows.  Before I get into the sports goings-on that I missed, let me tell you something about Portland.  It is full of two things:  1.  Beer and 2.  Hippies.  I only approve of one of these.

The beer is awesome, with Portland being just full of Microbreweries and a ton of Brewpubs.  Pretty much everywhere had a huge selection of local beers on tap (and always just one macrobrew), and even places like hotel bars had a selection in the double digits.  My favorite joint was a place called Henry's, which had 105 beers on tap, enough to make even Old Chicago feel embarrassed.  If you're ever in the Pacific Northwest, I highly recommend trying Mac and Jack's African Amber.  Very, very good.

The hippies were far less awesome, and they are seriously every where.  The problem is you can't tell the hippies from the homeless, and the city is overstaffed with both.  I saw some dirty person sitting on the ground with a cup in front of them and assumed it was a homeless dude, but when we got closer his cup was actually full of coffee and he was listening to an ipod.  So really he was just some dirty hippy sitting on the ground listening to his hippy music.  And every dude here either has those ear gauge things that stretch your ipod like some kind of African tribal shaman or is wearing a stupid looking hipster hat, and all the chicks here wear really tall socks with weird designs on them.  And they're proud of it, too.  There are signs and bumper stickers everywhere that say, "Keep Portland Weird."  Well you're doing a hell of a job.

Lastly, three quick recommendations if you are ever in Portland:

1.  Voodoo Donut is absolutely worth the hype.  The line was never shorter than a 15 minute wait, but like I said, worth it.

2.  If you like books, definitely check out Powell's City of Books.  It's the biggest non-chain bookstore in America, and they aren't kidding with the "big" part.  Imagine a Walmart, but on three levels, and all they sell are books.  It's huge.  There's like, a room for sports books, and a room for history books, and different rooms for each book subject, and they aren't small rooms either.  Very cool, and I could have probably spent a full day in there, no problem. 

3.  Rent a car and take a drive up the Columbia Gorge.  Very scenic and a really cool drive.  Thanks to a recommendation from my good buddy Tim Dogg, we crossed into Washington and drove up that side, stopped at Cape Horn to take some incredible pictures, then kept going and crossed back into Oregon at the Bridge of the Gods to head back, stopping in Multnomah Falls for lunch and a little hiking on the trails.  Good times. 

This concludes your travel guide portion of this post.

- Obviously the biggest news since I've been gone is the Twins getting bounced from the playoffs without so much as a whimper.  It wasn't exactly a shock, but it was definitely a disappointment.  There were plenty of opportunities in Game 2 and Game 3 to win, but thanks to Joe Nathan's batting practice fastballs they were swept and revealed to be exactly what we should have always known they were - a thoroughly mediocre team who got white hot at the same time as their biggest division rival commenced completely tanking their season.

Meaningful baseball in september and making the playoffs are always good things, and honestly I'm having trouble being at all negative about this season since I didn't think they had a chance to really beat the Yankees anyway, but it would have been really nice if they would have at least put up a fight.  I was really hoping for a split in New York and getting it back to the Dome with a chance to win two and take it, and it almost looked like that was going to happen, but unfortunately Nathan and A-Rod decided not to let that happen.  Second choice would have been to win both at the Dome after losing the first two in New York and getting it down to a 1-game toss up, but once again, it was not to be - although Pavano looked awesome for about five innings.

Obviously for me the biggest disappointment was Jason Kubel, who looked like he regressed back to two years ago when he had zero chance of hitting lefties and was nothing more than a fourth infielder type, not the top ten hitter in the league he developed into this season.

It's still too early to really think about next season, but the Twins should be similar.  Span-Morneau-Mauer-Kubel-Cuddyer is a very nice base to a line up, but there are plenty of other holes and decisions that need to be made.  I've warmed up quite a bit to Punto, but you can only have one of him in the lineup, not two or three.  I'd like to see Crede back, but only if he will sign for 1-year at $1 or $2 million, other to man third for 80 games again or, if Valencia is ready, to be an actual power bat off the bench - the Twins' pinch hitters this year were really sad.  I suppose bringing Cabrera back wouldn't be the worst thing, if he's cheap, and in terms of free agents I haven't really done any research yet, but if the Tigers let Polanco go I'd like to see them go after him.  I hear Chone Figgins name a lot, but I don't think that's possible.  He's going to have a lot of interest, and even in a down economy I expect him to get a pretty good deal.

As for pitching, if Slowey comes back all the way you have three pretty good young pitchers as your core, and that's not counting whatever you think of Duensing (optimistic) or Perkins (not optimistic).  I haven't thought to hard about if I want Pavano back, so that's a maybe, and I have no idea who might be available.  The bullpen is interesting because the numbers look pretty good, but I swear they suck.  Nobody typifies this more than Guerrier, whose numbers show he had an excellent year but I swear he got lit up every time I watched him hit.  I've heard talk of Nathan being washed up, but that's pretty retarded.  Who knows what happens with Bonser or Neshek and how they come back.  I know of at least one pretty big Twins fan (Snacks) who is convinced Bonser will be an absolute shut-down 8th inning guy.  We'll see.

Maybe the biggest question is what to do with the outfielders.  Kubel should be locked in as DH even against lefties, despite his struggles in the playoffs, which still leaves you with four outfielders for three spots.  Both Gomez and Young need a full year as a starter so we can really figure out what they can do, but with Span and Cuddy needing to be in the lineup that can't happen.  Maybe a trade.  They can't trade Gomez yet and Delmon's value is likely pretty low, so it might have to be Cuddyer.  His numbers show his value, but he has a big contract as well and is wildly inconsistent.  If you put Cuddyer together with someone like Morales or a minor league prospect, maybe that will get teams interested, who knows?  Could be an interesting off-season, or perhaps the Twins will follow the same model and do nothing except sign a couple of retreads and hope they stick.  The fact of the matter is, they need to get better.  A mid-eighty win team in the worst division in baseball isn't going to get it done. 

-  Finally, in case you missed it, my NL team, the Rockies, also got bounced thanks to a blown save by a usually reliable closer.  In this case, you are probably wondering who I am rooting for now.  I think my answer is "not the Yankees." 

CUDDY!!!!

Cuddyer goes yard to give the Twins a 2-0 advantage over the Tigers in the fourth (following a Kubel hit, of course).  Is it time to consider the fact that our very own I Hate Cuddyer Guy is kind of an idiot?  Yes, yes I think it is.

Couple studs right there.

EDIT:  Apparently Joe Mauer's brother just bought a used car dealership using Joe's money (rumor).  You know how they usually charge something like $18,999 for a car?  At the Mauer dealership it will be $18,643.  Get it, 6-4-3?  It's funny because he just grounded into his one millionth double play this year.  You'd think nobody would bitch about Mauer this season, but here we are.

EDIT:  Thank god Bogart taught me the trick of putting a lime (or lime juice) into Cranberry Vodkas.  I ran out of lime juice about a week ago and had to drink them without, and they were so sweet it was like drinking a pixie stick.  I would have burned out on them long ago without his tip and then I'd be sitting here sober like a sucker.  So thanks Bogart, and thanks Jason Kubel for that leadoff double.  Nobody realizes this, but losing you would have been way worse than losing Morneau-for-4 (that's two jokes stolen from the Common Man tonight).

EDIT:  Delmoney!!

EDIT:  I'm so glad Tolbert is in the lineup.  Confidence is high.  Also, DAMMIT!  I wasn't planning on blogging tonight.  Stupid Twins.  and booze.  but not the booze, I'm sorry booze.  I love you.

EDIT:  Duesning out, Mijares in.  Great job by my new boyfriend Brian Duensing, future stud.

EDIT:  Wow, that lady had a shiny shirt.

EDIT:  So seriously, was this Orlando Cabrera worth anything?  I'm starting to think morale, and that's about it.  Also Detroit is walking Mauer to face Kubel.  It appears nobody even bothers looking at stats.  Kubel is one of the best hitters in the entire AL this year.  Thanks for putting another runner on for him.

EDIT:  nm

EDIT:  Dick claims that "Pavano has emerged as the Twins' ace this season."  Shut up.  Just stop it.  How many pitchers have they said that about already this season?   Perkins, Blackburn, Baker, and now Pavano by my count.  Please, please, please don't say it about my guy Duensing.  Please.

EDIT:  Time to trade Joe Nathan.  Like right now, in the middle of this at bat.

EDIT:  Ok, nevermind.  He got the last out, but did a GREAT job of making it difficult.  Please try not to fuck this up now, Twinks.  I'm going to watch the Vampire Diaries now.  See you tomorrow [note:  Mrs. W just told me "Ali Larter is hot as hell......you can't write that in the blog."  Sure thing, honey.  I'm going to see where this goes.]

Welcome to Minnesota, Pete Rose! (and then Twins)

7:00 - Well he's here, the Pete Rose of football. I'm glad he's here because I think he gives the Vikes the best chance to do more than limp to an NFC Central title and a first round bounce, but I still hate him. In any case he's here, and like all the rest of you ass clowns, I can't help it but I need to get a look at this. So why not blog it? Also, Mrs. W is super annoyed right now. She doesn't like football, hates Favre, and especially hates the preseason because there shouldn't be football in August. Plus, I never watch the preseason, ever, so this is extra irritating right now. I might have to watch something like Mona Lisa Smile to get back in her good graces after this. I hope you're freaking happy.

7:03 - The superlatives are flying.

7:04 - This commercial with Paul Allen "announcing the couple" bringing their couch inside their house, and then they pull the sheet off and it's a Vikings couch? It needs to go. It's embarrassing. And does anybody else thing PA is just a little too into his job. Jesus, dude, relax. He's going to have a heart attack within three years. I won't miss him.

7:06 - Percy Harvin and Favre shake hands, right as the camera is zoomed in on them. Yeah, that's not contrived.

7:07 - Sideline chick (note: not hot) has her microphone not work when they go to her for a story that was presumably about Favre and Booty, since they showed their pictures. Nice job ABC. This is why you lost your NFL contract. Well, actually it was because of money, but still.

7:09 - Vikes start on D, and force major pressure on Cassel two of the three downs and stuff old ass Larry Johnson on second down. Of course, Cassel still manages to find the world' s fattest, slowest, whitest tight end for 12 yards and a first down.

7:11 - Chiefs fumble, Vikes recover. Good defense. Of course, when KC refuses to throw the ball to one of the best receivers in football (Dwayne "the Show" Bowe) that'll happen. By the way, if you don't think Bowe is having a huge year, you really need to axe somebody.

7:14 - Favre's first pass attempt as a Vike: attempted two yard dump to some dumbass fullback - two feet in front of him, incomplete. Freakin' Tavaris could have done that. My football wang remains flaccid.

7:15 - Third and eight. Favre completes to Harvin (Favrin?) but shy of the first down by a half yard. That looks really familiar. They go for it on foruth down and AP gets stuffed. Chefs ball. I don't know, I would have put in Chester Taylor right there. Or ran a half back pass.

7:19 - In all seriousness though, do you realize that with Brett Favre at QB Thomas Jones led the AFC in rushing last season. Thomas Jones. T-Jones. Yes, that one. I'm serious. I'm not making this up. No, I will not shut up. Yeah, I'd put the over/under for AP yards this season at about 2,800.

7:21 - Catch Dwayne Bowe! Thirteen yards and another KC Chief.....FIRST DOWN!!!!

7:24 - Challenged by the Vikes, overturned. What do you think the combined IQ of the coaches of the Twins and Vikings is? Dawger + Super Sioux Fan level?

7:25 - The Twins are already down 1-0. Of course they are.

7:27 - Field goal, and it's 3-0 Chiefs. The Royals are about one hit away from having that same lead on your precious Twins and Nick Blackburn. Wow. Twins/Royals. Vikings/Chiefs. What a night to be alive.

7:30 - After a fake reverse kick return by Percy (which I admit got me kind of excited) we see Favre running back out for another series. Announcer guy definitely has a boner. I remain unmoved.

7:31 - I hate to divulge secrets when I know many of my fantasy golf leaguemates read this blog, but I have to just tell you that I know who is going to win the Fed Ex Cup: Padraig Harrington. Book it.

7:32 - If the Twins get beat by Luke Hochevar I quit. He doesn't even bend his hat brim. And he's white. Christ.

7:33 - Favre throws one about five thousand miles an hour, but misses the receiver by approx. 100 feet. Announcer guy wants us to know, "I'm ok with that. That should be a completion once the QB and receiver get to know each other." I can't wait until they're still saying that in week 9.

7:34 - Big time blitz not picked up. Instead of eating the ball, Favre tosses it up randomly like you would do in Madden when you're facing Engage 8 (unless you're the Colts). Luckily it just harmlessly hits the ground. These two series were super unfulfilling. I have to watch Mona Lisa Smile for this?

7:35 - Oh god the chin strap thing! Maybe nothing has annoyed me more over the years than Favre's constant need to unhook his chin strap the second the play is over - every. single. time. And now I have to root for that guy. I didn't realize how hard this would be.

7:39 - Bad thing number two, as I once again listen to the announcer say things like, "Man, Favre is down there talking football with Berrian, I want to be down there" - the constant, constant, constant, overstated praise of Favre, not matter what the situation actually is. I don't know that I can handle this. Also the defense seems to be sacking Cassel a lot, which I think is good.

7:42 - T-Jax in. At least he can't be worse than Favre.

7:44 - Ok, he was worse. He just scrambled, ran five yards passed the line of scrimmage, and then threw a pass. Oh, sure, the receiver was open. That'll happen when you run where the linebackers used to be before you toss the ball. My god. It's time to cut bait.

7:48 - Another Royal ding-dong. Blackburn sucks and so do the Twins. I can't do this anymore.

8:40 - I'm back. Did you miss me? BB Gun decided to start throwing BBs, and somehow the Twins scratched out three runs against this year's Pedro Martinez, and we're all tied at 3-3 heading to the 7th.

8:41 - Cuddyer whiffs on three pitches, the last being a slider so far outside and so far in the dirt that a retarded monkey with a hairlip wouldn't have gone after it. That dude is driving me crazy.

8:44 - According to Coomer the ball Crede just hit, "Would have been out of here if he hadn't hit it in August." What. The. Eff.

8:47 - They're forcing Ragarm McTiredarm out there for the bottom of the seventh because everybody in the bullpen (save Nathan) is currently icing their arms thanks to this starting rotation. I'm expecting bad things.

8:56 - T-Jax is 9-11 for 117 yards and a touch? I almost wish I had kept watching.

Almost.

8:59 - Well I was wrong. Still tied, top o' eight on it's way.

9:04 - Casilla bunts Gomez over to second after Gomez got on first somehow. I'm not sure, I wasn't paying attention. In any case, here is a spot I actually agree with a sac bunt. I generally agree with a sac bunt most times when it's used properly. When Gardy has Cabrera sac bunt in the first, however, is where we have problems.

9:10 - Twins take the lead on a Span single and the worst throw I've ever seen from the KC center fielder. Also the remote control is missing.

9:12 - Tavaris is now 12-15 for 202 yards and 2 touchdowns. I almost wish I had been watching to see how this was possible.

9:16 - Yeah, you go ahead and walk Mauer to face Kubel. Let's see how that works.

9:18 - Dammit.

9:21 - I FOUND THE REMOTE!!!!!

9:25 - Dwayne Bowe had a TD today. Expect to hear that about 16 times this season.

9:29 - The Guerrier/Mijares combo works how it was supposed to all year (including a pick offed runner at first), and we head to the ninth with the Twinks still up a point.

9:30 - Did Strasburg end up signing with the Nationals? Jesus I don't even know. Hold on.

9:31 - Yep, four years, 15.1 million. Everything I've heard says he could pitch now. I'm assuming the Nats will at least hold off until next season, but I'm looking forward to seeing this kid. Hopefully he doesn't follow in Mark Prior's foot steps.

9:34 - It's bizarre to me that Cuddyer just struck out. I mean, this is equivalent to striking out Joe Sewell.

9:35 - Crede flies out to center. I'm guessing if it wasn't August that ball is gone.

9:36 - Del-Money hits like he usually does, and we go bottom (like your mom). Nathan on. I'm struggling to stay interested.

9:42 - Nathan struggling to handle Teahen of all people. This doesn't bode well. I'm predicting extra innings.

9:43 - Teahen grounds out. This whole thing with Calipari is kind of garbage, to be honest. Suddenly Memphis is not only vacating it's most succesful season ever, but is also on probation for the next there years (I haven't seen what this entails).

Say what you want about Calipari's culpability (I've heard excuses that neither Memphis or Cal knew Rose cheated on the SAT), but this is the second time he's taken a team to the final four only to have that appearance stricken from the record books due to cheating - and yet once again he has escaped scott free.

Let's be honest here, the guy is dirty as all hell, he's just been pretty good about staying ahead of the law. Kentucky is the perfect place for him. Those rednecks will do everything they can to cover for him. Marriage made in heaven.

Oh yeah. Rose took his fraudulent SAT test in Detroit. He's from Chicago. A lot easier to have someone take a test for you in a state you aren't from. I have a very hard time believing Calipari didn't know this.

9:47 - Someone named Brian Pena (related to Tony? I don't know) just tied the game. Told you Nathan didn't have it. I suppose when your team gets you a save chance once every month you probably get a bit rusty.

9:50 - Coomer (is this even Coomer? I'm just guessing. Where's Bert? What's happening?) goes with the "the ball doesn't carry in August" angle again as some guy I've never heard of almost wins the game with a ball that only goes off the wall. You know, that might possibly even be a true thing, but when I hear some jackass just popping off on a broadcast, I need a little more than anecdotal evidence. And now we head to extras. Brian Pena is a dickweed.

9:56 - Oh good, Soria is in. The new Mariano Rivera. Assuming he goes two innings, no chance the Twins could possibly win this until the tenth. And they just showed Jesse Crain warming in the Twins' pen. This couldn't be more over.

9:59 - Casilla bloop, Cabrera bloop misplayed by Willy freaking Bloomquist and the Twins go back on top. Horseshoe up ass kind of stuff going on here.

10:00 - Another intential walk of Mauer. Don't let me down Kubes.

10:06 - Oh, I forgot to mention that he let me down. Nathan still pitching. One out, one on.

10:14 - Two runners on with nobody out, and Alberto Callaspo has fouled off about six straight two strike pitches. There's no way he should still be in there. Nathan doesn't have it tonight, and we saw he didn't have it last inning. I know what you're thinking, "Who else could they put in?" and I have no idea, but it's clear Nathan is not on his game tonight. And Callaspo fouled off two more pitches while I was typing that. This is ridiculous.

10:18 - Joe Nathan has thrown 48 pitches. Joe Nathan has thrown 48 pitches. JOE NATHAN HAS THROWN 48 PITCHES. Ok, 49 now. Great job Gardy.

10:20 - Fifty.

10:21 - I can't find a website where I can get pitch counts by game, but I'm willing to wager my house that this is the most pitches Nathan has ever thrown in a game as a Twin, and I would almost bet it's the most a closer has thrown since the early 80s, or at least towards the top of that list.

10:22 - 52

10:23 - Line out. Twins win. Nathan's arm probably shot. Not that it matters. This season is a dick.

Hooray for All Stars

I'm holding a sleeping baby, so who knows how long this will last, but here goes:

- ok, the allstar game is mostly retarded, but the stuff with the legends is pretty cool. The ovation for Willie Mays gave me chills, and it was nice to see two of my favorites of all-time, Brooks Robinson and Rod Carew are still alive.

- One batter in and this thing is already an abortion of announcing. Soo far we've heard that Cliff Lee has meant more over his career to the Indians than Grady Sizemore and the fans definitely deserve to be allowed to vote in the All-Star starters because they managed to get Hanley Ramirez right. This should be fun.

- 1-2-3 with two Ks for Cliff Lee, probably because Mauer is catching. I don't get this whole Cliff Lee thing.

- Think when Hamilton gets up we'll get rehash #483 of "The Josh Hamilton Story?"

- Jeter with a squibby infield hit, which pretty much locks up MVP for him. And a stolen base, interrupting Buck in mid-Hamilton rehash. Get out the engraving gun or whatever the hell they use.

- I knew that was a fake clip, I knew it.

- Matt Holliday's up, and I heard today he's available for trade. Someone get Billy Smith on the horn, F Beltre,

- So I'm going to be in NJ next week for two nights, but in a different place than the usual and just 12 miles from Yankee Stadium. The Twins will be in town as well, so I went ahead and bought myself a ticket for next Tuesday evening. I just have to figure out how to get there. Do I drive myself and brave the traffic and parking, or do I take the subway, which would normally be my choice but it takes a really roundabout way where I'd be starting from and will take a minimum of an hour+ each way. Plus, my only two options to get back after 10pm are 10:30 and 12:53. Dumb. Although I have a feeling I'm going to have to watch Livan, which should make for an early exit.

- Given that Milton Bradley is a known hothead, does it make any sense that he's one of the most disciplined and patient hitters in the league? And also shocking, is that he's always been this way. He didn't settle down and then learn discipline, he's always has been. So weird.

- Snacks pointed out to me that the Twins have beaten both All-Star starters this season. Interesting fact. Wonder how often that's happened. Mauer walks. Boring.

- McCarver brings up how Mariano only throws one pitch, which simply isn't true. Sure, the last two seasons he's thrown 70-80% cutters, but in his career prior to that he was pretty much 50/50 between the cutter and regular fastball. I have no idea where this talk about one pitch came from, but it seems it has always been there. I'll go ahead and guess some idiotic journalist mentioned it, and all the other idiotic journalists went with it as gospel - and thus it became so.

- Hamilton up again and despite this opening, "Hamilton's story has been talked about a lot recently..." he goes ahead and reshashes the story for the 491st time.

- I have kind of a crush on Roy Halladay. Did you know his nickname is "Doc." Narf narf. Good movie though. And it appears my "Blue Jays will make the playoffs" call may have been incorrect. Lot of season left though.

- I am very excited for Pineapple Express

- Josh Hamilton moves from center to left. Left is closer to the bleachers. The bleachers contain New Yorkers. New York is a cesspool of crime. Doing drugs is a crime. Crack is a drug. Will our hero be able to resist the temptation? Will Jesus show up and pimp slap the crack pipe out of his mouth in time? Will Josh Hamilton be the next Len Bias (kind of)? Stay tuned.

- Holliday home run as his price goes up. Thanks for not snagging him already Smith. You fail. Again.

- If you're curious, I have no money on the game this year. Because I forgot. But I would have taken the NL at +130 (AL was -150).

- Mauer now 1-1 with a walk after an infield hit. MVP?

- Jeter gets a standing ovation before he even hits. Probably for being a queer. And with two on he taps back to the pitcher for the third out. You know who probably gets a hit there? Nick Punto. I'm just sayin'.

- Great, Lincecum brought to the hospital earlier today with flu-like symptoms. He's a big key to our fantasy team. We're now thisclose to picking up Scott Baker the Touchdown Maker.

- Justin Ducksharer just getting knocked around. That will teach guys I've barely heard of to play in all-star games. Also Jeter pulled in mid-inning so he can get a standing ovation. Jesus christ Francona, be a man. Don't pander to the idiotic Yankee fans. If anything, you should trot out to the field and drop a deuce on the NY logo, that's what a real man would do. Also, I think Jeter just asked Kevin Kennedy for some butt sex. And also I'm realizing I hate the Yankees more than the Red Sox again.

- If you wanted more Josh Hamilton talk, you're in luck. Jesus willed that he get a hit, so he did, and now there's more gushing. Not a dry seat in that announcing booth when he's on camera.

- Just interviewed Matt Holliday and he doesn't bend the brim of his hat. ABORT TRADE. REPEAT. ABORT TRADE.

- It still just stuns me that this game counts for anything other than pride.

- Nathan goes 1-2-3. It's amazing that he can shut down three all-stars without breaking a sweat, but struggles half the time he pitches to the Royals. Speaking of the Royals, who is their all-star? Soria? It has to be doesn't it? I always thought DeJesus would be better, being that he's "Of Jesus" and all.

- I've been thinking about it further, and I'm pretty sure Derek Jeters is one of them gays. Think about it: Single and can't settle down. Thin. Pretty boy. Afraid to get dirty. Can't hit. Has gay sex. Can't field. Overrated at baseball but super famous due to "charisma." Endorses Gay-tor-AID(s). It's obvious once you think about it.

- Ok seriously, who is Ryan Ludwick? Is this a joke?

- Base knock for Morneau - all Twins looking very good thus far.

- Two run shot for JD Drew, scoring Morneau and tying the game. Boston fans don't deserve Drew. And Edinson Volquez should put his hat on straight. And STAY OFF MY LAWN.

- It seems all-star catchers have NO shot at throwing out all-star players, ever. Not even sixty year old shortstops like Miguel Tejada who gets to third on Navarro's error, then scores on a sac fly because Carlos Quentin has a noodle-arm. Papelboner gives up the lead, which should make the NYC crowd very happy.

- Yep, I loves me some Evan Longoria. What I don't love is crappy exhibition games that last past 11pm. I'm old and I needs me sleep. Now that Morneau blows his chance to be a hero, I'm going to call this one a night.

Twins = World Series Bound (and some Basketball)

First off, I added three new blogs to the link list over on the right. The National Anthem before a Cubs Game (TNABACG), a general Minnesota sports blog, and Aaron Gleeman and Stick and Ball Guy - two Twins blogs. Check them out. Additionally, I'm going to try to recap as many Twins games as I can, and certainly which ever ones I get a chance to watch - although with a kid on the way in the next few weeks and a new job, who knows if I'll have time. Hopefully Dawg and Sidler will post plenty of Twins related material for your amusement.

Livan Hernandez: According to Bert, "Livan Hernandez isn't like Johan Santana, he has to change speeds to be successful." Wasn't Santana's out pitch his changeup? Thanks again for all your wisdom, Bert. That's probably why you aren't in the hall of fame, jackass. Anyway, Hernandez was beautiful last night. Kept the ball down, didn't walk anybody, pretty much made the Angels hit his pitches on the ground, and gave up just two runs in his seven innings. I doubt he can keep this up all year, but nice start to be sure.

Carlos Gomez: Granted it's just one game, but he really impressed me. And I'm not even talking about the double, the bunt hit (holy crap is this kid fast), or the two steals. He showed a lot of patience at the plate, not only by drawing a walk but even in his strikeout at bat he drew the count out to 3-2. That was my big knock on the kid, but if he's figured out how to be a little more patient (not quite Rickey Henderson, which was another Bert comment last night) he could be deadly up there already. He's going to be a fan favorite in a hurry.

Pat Neshek and Joe Nathan: Good to know that if the Twins can get to the eighth with a lead, they have a very good chance of winning as these two were lights out once again. They each gave up a hit (Neshek's was a bloop that will be caught in the future as the left side of the defense gets used to each other and the dome) and struck out four between them, including a big Neshek K of Vlad Guerrero.

Torii Hunter: It was nice to see Hunter get a standing ovation. For all about him that drove me crazy, I can't deny his heart, effort, leadership, or charisma and what he meant to this franchise over the years. Of course, it was even nicer to see him strikeout in a close game in the ninth.

Johan Santana: Naturally, Santana rolled through his first NL start, going seven and giving up 3 hits with 8 K's. He's really good.


A couple quick basketball items:

1. There is a new ESPN Top 100 out. In it, Rodney Williams comes in at 66 and Royce White at 71. Fellow Gopher target DaShonte Riley is ranked #54.

2. Speaking of Royce, in case you missed it, he's transferring to Hopkins. He'll be joining top recruits Raymond Cowles, Trent Locket, and Mike Broghammer on a loaded Royals team that will surely be the top team in the State. Hopefully Royce can pull his act together and make the most of this opportunity.

3. Former UCLA Bruin J.R. Henderson is dominating in the Japanese league, and has become a full-fledged Japanese citizen, including changing his name to J.R. Sakuragi. His real first name is Milton. So he's now Milton Sakuragi. Must be odd to walk around Japan being 6-9, what with all the 5-2 people and ninjas and all.